The Writing Drinking Game
The rules are simple: take a sizeable quaff of the beverage of your choice if anyone has ever said any of the following to or about you ...
1) "You write? Nice hobby / sounds like a cushy job / but what do you really do?"
2) (If you write fantasy) "Oh, you mean like JK Rowling?" (or any other author you aren't remotely like)
3) "They say everyone's got a book in them ..."
4) "Oh, I could never write a book, I'm not clever enough ..."
5) "Put in lots of raunchy bits, that'll help it sell!" (Take another drink if oracle is an elderly relative)
6) "How is your book 'going'?" (Generally asked in the middle of a social gathering, where all the other guests gawp at you)
7) "Haven't you finished that yet?"
8) (If you tell them the plot of your latest) "Oh, I don't like the sound of that, I prefer books that are more ..."
9) "Why don't you write more books like [insert the name of your debut novel]?"
10) "How can blogging be a job? It's just writing stuff!"
11) "Are any of your characters based on people you know?" (Extra drink if they've inspired one, but you'd rather they didn't know ...)
12) "I liked everything but the main character; I didn't like him / her at all ..." - when the story is autobiographical!
13) "There were too many Britishisms -" re: a UK based story with a British lead
14) "It wasn't my cup of tea, I don't like paranormal romance / sci fi / historical novels -" despite that being your book's genre, and it's clearly advertised as such
15) "I didn't know this was a gay book" (same as above)
16) (Describing your book to somebody else in front of you) "Oh, it's about ..." and getting every last plot point wrong, including the story's intended message. It seems rude to correct them!
17) "You write? My ex / uncle / vicar's an author; they're a little bit weird ..."
18) (Re: an acquaintance who's a well known writer) "They bashed their head and they've been funny ever since." (It's startling how many writers this has happened to!)
19) "Why don't you write a book where ..." They go on to describe something that already exists. When you gently point this out, they say, "But the main character's a [insert outré feature here]." Extra drink if it resembles Star Wars
20) (If you say you work from home) "Oh, that sounds boring ..."
21) "Who's interested in what you have to say?"
22) "There are millions of books already, how is yours any different?"
23) "Self publishing? Isn't that like vanity publishing?"
24) (If you say you're self published) "Good for you. There's too many gatekeepers in traditional publishing ..."
25) "Writers' block doesn't exist, it's just an excuse ..."
26) "Why are you writing this blog rather than getting on with your book?"
1) "You write? Nice hobby / sounds like a cushy job / but what do you really do?"
2) (If you write fantasy) "Oh, you mean like JK Rowling?" (or any other author you aren't remotely like)
3) "They say everyone's got a book in them ..."
4) "Oh, I could never write a book, I'm not clever enough ..."
5) "Put in lots of raunchy bits, that'll help it sell!" (Take another drink if oracle is an elderly relative)
6) "How is your book 'going'?" (Generally asked in the middle of a social gathering, where all the other guests gawp at you)
7) "Haven't you finished that yet?"
8) (If you tell them the plot of your latest) "Oh, I don't like the sound of that, I prefer books that are more ..."
9) "Why don't you write more books like [insert the name of your debut novel]?"
10) "How can blogging be a job? It's just writing stuff!"
11) "Are any of your characters based on people you know?" (Extra drink if they've inspired one, but you'd rather they didn't know ...)
12) "I liked everything but the main character; I didn't like him / her at all ..." - when the story is autobiographical!
13) "There were too many Britishisms -" re: a UK based story with a British lead
14) "It wasn't my cup of tea, I don't like paranormal romance / sci fi / historical novels -" despite that being your book's genre, and it's clearly advertised as such
15) "I didn't know this was a gay book" (same as above)
16) (Describing your book to somebody else in front of you) "Oh, it's about ..." and getting every last plot point wrong, including the story's intended message. It seems rude to correct them!
17) "You write? My ex / uncle / vicar's an author; they're a little bit weird ..."
18) (Re: an acquaintance who's a well known writer) "They bashed their head and they've been funny ever since." (It's startling how many writers this has happened to!)
19) "Why don't you write a book where ..." They go on to describe something that already exists. When you gently point this out, they say, "But the main character's a [insert outré feature here]." Extra drink if it resembles Star Wars
20) (If you say you work from home) "Oh, that sounds boring ..."
21) "Who's interested in what you have to say?"
22) "There are millions of books already, how is yours any different?"
23) "Self publishing? Isn't that like vanity publishing?"
24) (If you say you're self published) "Good for you. There's too many gatekeepers in traditional publishing ..."
25) "Writers' block doesn't exist, it's just an excuse ..."
26) "Why are you writing this blog rather than getting on with your book?"
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Unless reviews count, I'm afraid I'd come up dry. (I don't get out much.)
I asked other UK authors if they'd experienced this, and apparently it's a common complaint. I'm not sure what these readers expect; you write in the voice you're comfortable with and you know. It must just be down to personal taste - even when I read non-British books in paperback and didn't have a dictionary to hand, I don't let that spoil the story for me.