I need a little help…I’m stuck on a scene in Crashed…
So I’m working on a scene in Crashed…but I keep getting stuck on the arrangement of words…do you think this sounds all right?
________________________
I have to remind myself to breathe.
Have to force the thought into my head because she’s just singlehandedly ripped apart and pieced me back together simultaneously. And yet the sight of her has left me raw and abraded with tomorrows that will never be.
That I can never get back.
That were never mine to keep.
________________________
Hmmmm…not sure. I guess I’ll keep it in there and see how the rest of the scene plays out…
________________________
I have to remind myself to breathe.
Have to force the thought into my head because she’s just singlehandedly ripped apart and pieced me back together simultaneously. And yet the sight of her has left me raw and abraded with tomorrows that will never be.
That I can never get back.
That were never mine to keep.
________________________
Hmmmm…not sure. I guess I’ll keep it in there and see how the rest of the scene plays out…
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message 1:
by
Vicky
(new)
Nov 06, 2013 06:14AM
Sounds good to me - I just can't wait for the book.
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It sounds great! Can't wait for the book.
I wouldn't change anything. Sounds really good!!
Can you please just hurry?! I'm dying here...
Oh you tease you !!!! not to sound pushy, but HURRY HURRY HURRY, mama needs a little ACE in her life :D
Continue to write so we can read. Sounds awesome!!!
I have to agree with everyone here. Sounds great! Hurry :)
It sounds great but PLEASE hurry!!!!:)
OMG if you meant to make us cry than go with it.
I had to read it twice to really get it...but I do think it's great and powerful the way it is,
Would it be okay to say first "That were never mine to keep." then "That I can never get back."?For the "tomorrows" that is never his to keep and he can never get back?
This scene alone after I read this thrice is so heartbreaking. His future with his love that can never be.I am still looking forward for their HEA.
PLEASE PLEASE just bring the book out I need to read it now!!!!!!
Why not try it this way:I have to remind myself to breathe. The sight of her has left me raw and abraded with tomorrows that will never be..
That I can never get back. That were never mine to keep.
Have to force the thought into my head because she’s just singlehandedly ripped apart and pieced me back together simultaneously.
Pleaaasseee just publish it already! You're killing me here! Pleaase just hurry up! :)
Ooh you minx! Much as I love a mouthful ; ) having singlehandedly and simultaneously in the same sentence is a stretch!
Whatever the syntax, this one can't come quick enough for me (excuse the pun!) lol
What you've written is very deeply thought provoking.......as a common reader it makes me really think about what the guy is going through. Sometimes it's that type of writing that ends up being the most poignant in terms of what the reader is left with long after the book has been read.
Skeletor wrote: "What you've written is very deeply thought provoking.......as a common reader it makes me really think about what the guy is going through. Sometimes it's that type of writing that ends up being t..."I completely agree with you. Colton's feelings in this writing of Ms Bromberg is so deep, sad and frustrating. Rylee seems to be slipping from his grip.
Bambi wrote: "Skeletor wrote: "What you've written is very deeply thought provoking.......as a common reader it makes me really think about what the guy is going through. Sometimes it's that type of writing tha..."Thanks Bambi! Ms. Bromberg's writing is stellar! I'm quite enjoying the series......in fact I'm saving book two for the release of book three and then I'll reread book one and read the whole series in one marathon. The first book was so good that I want the full-impact.
It's so worth it Skeletor! It got better and better!
