When Does Alpha Become Asshole?

In my editing career, I've edited some books I found distasteful...namely...forced seduction.

Call me old-fashioned, but I believe no means no. I don't care if she's enjoying and in the throes of ecstasy two minutes later, no means no.

The BDSM craze has made forced seduction "okay" in many publishers' books.

"Oh, he's just an alpha male."

To me, an alpha male is a man who takes charge, argues,  probably feels the need to prove his masculinity every 5 sentences (You can tell I don't like the traditional alpha. LOL), and often needles and teases the heroine.

An asshole is that man who stalks a woman, terrorizes her, makes her live to please him, and doesn't respect the word no. When the heroine says, "I don't like doing it this way", he just does it anyway.

I spotted a review (No, I did not read the book) on Amazon that made me really think hard on this. It was a one-star review for some erotic book and the reviewer said "Honestly, ask yourself as a woman, would you really relish being raped by the next service guy (regardless of his "Alpha Male" persona), who visits your house? (Alpha Male, seems to be a term now used to excuse rapists.)"

I actually agree with her. Are authors taking the "alpha" to extremes and making their heroes assholes instead? *Not ALL authors are doing this, but let's take a good look at the erotica industry for a moment.*

When does alpha become asshole? Where's that fine line? Where do YOU draw the line?