SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS ON SUICIDE

For fuck's sake people ... if you've already decided to kill yourself, have some fun with it!!! I'd apply for 16 new credit cards (all issued by Bank of America); max 'em out, then blow the proceeds on hookers, VIP lap dances, bath salts & Japanese Bukkake porn. Then I'd leave a suicide note for Senior Republican Senator Mitch McConnel (who I'd refer to as "Sugar Tits") explaining how I could no longer bear the shame of our illicit love affair ...

I'd then off myself by having a transvestite hooker duct tape me (wearing a bustier & pair of "Cheekies") to the seat of a running car in Newt Gingrich's garage, while listening to the audio version of Bill O'Reilly's latest "Killing-Whoever-The-Fuck" book ...