An apology to those concerned for my well being…

I tried earlier today to turn on Tweetdeck, figuring two days might be long enough for me to be calm. But no, I was ready to go off on people for nothing. I’ve got my head in a blender, and I’m dealing with some serious paranoia issues.

So that’s why the tone of my posts went all negative and hostile. I know some of you folks aren’t part of the problem, and you’re feeling genuinely concerned. Well I’m sorry, but right now I’ve having trouble seeing you for my crazy. But that’s also one reason I’m pulling back from the social sites. I know my crazy is starting to get out of control, so I need to just go sit in a corner and pet my dog.

There are others who don’t understand why I lose it, and I don’t think y’all will ever grasp how badly broken I am. It’s not just a few trust issues, and I am not just a robot who can be reprogrammed to act right. Years of abuse and head injuries have made me unstable and mean. Even my awareness of my issues cannot prevent me from slipping sometimes. A few weeks back, a little boy died after bullies gave him a concussion. I’ve taken beatings just like him for years, and head injuries like that have life-time side-effects. And this is only part of what’s wrong with me.

To the people who understand what I’m saying, I’m sorry that I have lousy self-control. And to the people who want to be offended by me, I’m sorry that you don’t understand me, and I honestly hope you never have to deal with problems like mine. I truly mean it when I say I would never wish this shit on my worst enemy.