A Mercenary’s Guide to Prosperity

I’ll bet you barbaric humans didn’t know that mercenaries follow a strict set of rules when it comes to looting and killing. After all, we are not just a bunch of ill-disciplined savages who murder and thieve without purpose. On the contrary, we are expert acquisition specialists and executioners who can solve just about any problem, for the right price.

And I aim to be one of the best mercenaries of all. Or will be once the universe recognizes the anarchy and chaos I leave in my wake.

Now keep in mind, not just anyone can strive for my level of greatness, but if you’d like to give it a try, here are a few of the laws the most famous mercenaries in the universe follow, condensed into point form, of course, so your underdeveloped human brains can comprehend.

1. No money, no fight. (As if we’d give away our talent for free.)

3. Everything is possible for the right price. (Please see the appendixes at the back of the guide for a breakdown of rates.)

4. Never leave any of the enemy alive.

5. Relieve yourself sexually as often as possible lest lust cloud your judgment. (And don’t forget to leave payment lest you get banned from your favorite brothel.)

7. Never skip an opportunity for blackmail.

8. Show no tolerance for insults or slurs.

11. Don’t kill your allies. (Unless they double cross you, the price is right or you don’t want to share.)

13. Questions are for the uncertain.

15. Personal revenge has no price.

16. Altruism is for the weak.

22. Never let a female best you, not even in a battle of words. Reassert dominance through any means possible.

And these are just some of the rules which I, Makl, greatest mercenary in the universe (now that my bloody cousins have retired) live by. Want to see me in action, as well as admire my virility and impressive fighting skill? Then pick up a copy of my latest adventure, Mercenary Abduction on sale now at all major online stores, universe wide.