Wow, just…yeah, wow!

So picture this. I’m in the car down South County, meaning that I’m about twenty-five miles south of my home, and I’ve just finished with an appointment. I put all my paperwork on the passenger seat and toss my purse on it. Only, my purse hits the center between the seats and suddenly the navigation system screen is all lit up and there’s fancy looking red arrows and everything.
I shall pause here in the telling as I must share one important fact about me you need to know to understand why this “coming on” is a huge deal. I am a big picture person…as in, no details for me. If there are instructions to anything – putting furniture together or cooking a specific dish even – I usually toss them aside. In the case of furniture I pull out all the parts and hardware and wing putting it together. Hey, I maintain life’s more interesting this way because you never know if the darn thing will unexpectedly collapse. Of course, the first time this happened Honey decided it was best if I left this kind of stuff up to him. *beams* that could not have turned out better for me I’m thinking, but hey, I digress. Back to the navigation system. I never use it. I never programed it and if my purse hadn’t hit a button I wouldn’t have even known how to turn it on. For me, when I see an address I have a fair idea where it is and I get to the area and poke around until I find the actual place. Drives Honey completely batty that’s why I never drive when we go out together. So yeah, seeing the thing on when I was in the driver’s seat and hearing “her” shouting orders at me was a little weird, but it got even weirder as I made my way home.
Imagine if you will, I’m driving due east and I can, at any time, make a left turn at several different intersections to go north and eventually hit Main Street that will get me home. I could but I don’t want to because I like to go across to the last street which is a Causeway for no other reasons than there’s water on either side. Which means there are birds, boats, jumping fish and more importantly, no cops stealthily hidden in bushes to catch me speeding through the mile and a half of traffic-light-free road (don’t tell, okay?) Anyway, there I am passing each street intent upon my stretch of highway heaven and Ms. Navigation Nuisance is screaming at me.
“Take your next left. Your next left is approaching. You are approaching the left-hand turn. Veer into the left-hand lane.”
I pass it of course and when I do, I’m treated to her condescending silence until she eventually perks up spying the next left turn. Sheesh! Talk about nagging. For all that though, I will say at this point, that I was interested to see how she’d direct me to get home once I was over the Causeway…yet it never happened. Instead, I was on the road heading toward the water when she said, “Destination is on the left .08 of a mile.”
There’s me thinking, Destination is on the left? You smoking hardwired crack today or something?
She nags on, “Veer into the left lane and safely make a legal U-turn.”
I’m not going to lie, I was calling her a crazy ass-well, never mind about that right now, suffice it to say that I was just about to turn her off when I see the big Key West style building with a huge, totally hot sign out front complete with stylized naked legs. The moment my eyes hit on the gleaming black, five-inch stilettos, a number of things occur to me and I veer into the left lane to make my legal U turn.
The most important factor? Honey borrowed my car the day before when he and his out-of-town visitor buddy went to grab a beer. As I pull into the gentleman’s club parking lot I’m thinking a beer wasn’t all they were grabbing. >:)  So, there’s me staring at the building realizing that the damn bugger didn’t lie to me, but neither did he disclose the full truth. “Beer.” I snort. It is to laugh.
I got out of the car with my cell phone and took a picture of the place. Then I texted it to him with the words, “Lookie where your little navigation sweetie directed me to. You are so busted!”
He texts back, “If you’re going in, ask for Tanya. She’s cute, she looks like you, but you have a much sweeter ass.”
Here again, I’m not going to lie to you, I was a little less pissed with the addition of the compliment, but he’d never know it. Instead I was just about to get back in the car when that little devil on my shoulder…okay, big devil because that guy always wipes the floor with my perfect little angel that never wins in these kinds of decisions, pipes up. I hear “Don’t be a chicken. Go in and ask for Tanya. See if you can get a picture with her and text that back to Mr.-I-went-to-a-strip-joint-and-didn’t-tell-my-wife-busted guy!
So I do. I march in there like I own the place and ask for Tanya. Two seconds later I learned it was her day off. Drat! Then I have a look around and something else occurs to me. Something big! This is guy mecca ladies! Seriously, I usually go into a restaurant and see maybe one or two good looking guys that make me go, Hm. But in this place? I counted at least five maybe more. Seven could have been. Yes Way! So, you know what I had to do? I had to stay for a drink. Oh, and I also had to ignore Honey’s texts coming in, as you know he knows when I’m quiet it usually never ends well for him.
And it didn’t…
When I got home he was there and it was with a very bright smile that I handed him the three business cards I was given by various guys who came over to talk, while I sat all by my lonesome at the “Gentleman’s Club”. Then I mentioned that it was Tanya’s day off, but that Nicole had a damn fine ass and the next time he went there he should hire her for a lap-dance because I did and it was awesome.
You ever seen a kid locked out of a candy store? Notice the expression? That’s what Honey looked like when I told him about Nicole. Heheheh. Then he looked like a ghost when I added that this was the best kept secret in the world, but not for long as I was going to shout it out as loud as my little blog site would let me. So now, without further ado…
*Brackets hands around mouth to make the words echo*
All you single ladies out there! An upscale gentleman’s club is filled with men. Tons of men and if some of the ones I met the other day, were telling me the truth, these guys are not only single, but totally into a woman who is confident enough to sit on her own at strip joint. Spread the word.
Signed,
Riley, who has been assured that she just got her guy kicked out of the club. Literally. Again, people, *beams* this could not have turned out better for me I’m thinking. *leans in to whisper* With him on the outs, at least there is no chance I’ll be running into him when I go back.