December 17, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Lightspeed!

Dis movie suck more den Grover’s aunt Tildy at a Shriner’s convention.

Movie begin wit guy walking down a dark alley where he encounter shaky creep hiding under dirty blanket.  To most sane people, dis be invitation to skedaddle.  But not dis guy.  He stand and watch as – in movie’s most horrifying sequence – creep trow off blanket and KNOCK COFFEE CUP OUT OF GUY’S HAND.  HE GET COFEE EVERYWHERE!!!

Oh, and he a snake man.

CUT TO: SWAT team, Ghost Squad, showing up at scene of some heist. Team members given orders: “You, you and you – go dis way.  You, you, and you go dat way.”  You, you, and you?  You tink dat, maybe, dese guys might be on a first name basis?

Inside building, armed thugs everywhere.  Dey led by Snake Man who stroll around all nonchalant, wearing a towel draped over his head like he just finished a spa treatment.  He joined by guy whose coffee he spilled in alley.  Turns out it he be Snake Man’s brother.  Me tink.

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