Something you need to know about me is that I’ll do literally anything in the world before I will go to the doctor.

It was Thanksgiving 2022. We went to our kids’ for the holiday, and because I’m a dad who loves his children and family more than anything in this world, I totally forgot I was in my 50s and thought it would be just fine to play badminton with my boys.

Turns out it wasn’t. After the thrill and adrenaline and fun of playing a game I’m terrible at with my adult children who didn’t take it easy on me even a little bit wore off, I started feeling pain and weakness in my shoulder. By the following morning, it had spread to my elbow. When we got back home, my wrist had joined in on the action.

Something you need to know about me is that I’ll do literally anything in the world before I will go to the doctor. I know that’s not the smartest thing, but it’s how I’ve been forever. But I’m trying to actually center myself and my self care more consistently as I enter this part of my life, so I only ignored this for a little over a year; a new personal record.

About five weeks ago, I woke up and couldn’t lift my left arm. It was completely dead and my forearm hurt like crazy. What the fuck, Wil’s Body? All I did was sleep!

Well, all I did was sleep and ignore an injury for a year. So I went to see the doctor about a month ago, and told him the whole embarrassing story.

He ran all these tests on me, and looked at my medical history. He pointed out that when I was 18, I was a goalie in a recreational hockey league. I took a slapshot to my face that defied physics and engineering, collapsed my helmet into my forehead, where it split open like an orange peel that was squeezed too tightly. It also gave me whiplash, and herniated two discs in my neck.

He said that it was a serious injury, and while I had always known that in the abstract, I hadn’t even really thought about exactly how serious it was.

I don’t remember much of it (I was in shock at the time), but I spent hours in surgery with a cosmetic surgeon who did such a good job closing it (with something like 30 stitches), I don’t have a cool scar to show off today. Nobody said anything about my skeleton, my neck, my spine, or the herniated discs, so I never followed up about what turns out to be the most serious and lasting part of the whole thing. I don’t know how a person goes over 35 years with a neck as messed up as mine without knowing it, but all I can do is point to myself and make the “i dunno” face with the hands up.

So when I woke up with a completely dead and aching arm (because I slept on my left side like a maniac), I admitted to myself that I’d chosen poorly for over a year, and I made an appointment with the same doctor who has provided excellent care to Anne.

I fully expected that I had a soft tissue injury, possibly a tear in something. I thought maybe surgery would be involved, which would not be great but is entirely my fault for choosing the “ignore it and it will go away” approach to being a middle-aged dude.

But it turns out that, according to the X-ray and other tests he did, I have no soft tissue injury or any tears in any part of my body. The badminton and associated activities just pushed my body past its ability to barely hold itself together.What I do have is no curve in my neck, three almost entirely compressed discs, and a bunch of muscles all doing their best to compensate. These things work together to form Voltron, where Blazing Sword is my arm feeling like it’s experiencing an electrical fire that also itches. Really great stuff. I’ll form the head.

The good news, according to my doctor, is that physical therapy will heal all of this. The great news, according to me, is that I get to start it today after waiting a month for a spot to open up.

I’m so excited to go do this, I woke up two hours before my alarm this morning and I’ve been counting down for the last six hours until I get to leave.

That’s so fucking middle-aged, isn’t it? “Oh my god, you guys! I am so excited to start physical therapy, I woke up early! What a great day! See you all at 4pm for dinner, after my nap!”

…still punk as fuck.