My Post-Easter Workout Program in 18 Simple Steps

So, I woke up this morning with the urge to exercise. Well, I wouldn't really call it an "urge", because that suggests it's something I wanted to do, which was not the case. Maybe I should've called it what it really was: guilt. At eating ALL THE CHOCOLATE.



I decided the bike was the way to go. Here was my biking routine, for those of you who also need to counteract those extra Easter calories.





Step 1: Wake up. 





Step 2: Check emails, on the off chance there's something that somebody in New York or L.A. needs me to do immediately. 





Step 3: Refresh the emails. Just in case. 





Step 4: Locate clean socks, two sets of sports bras (for that one stretch of that one street that is in desperate need of repaving), clean shirt, etc. 





Unfortunately, Sam just did the laundry, so there was no problem locating all of these items. 





Step 5: Check the weather. Guess what? It's warm! Which is great, only  I usually wear a jacket when I bike, and my phone fits nicely in the pocket. Without a jacket, how am I supposed to bring my music? 





Step 6: iPod Nano! That's how. Now where did I put the darn thing?





Step 7: Oh yeah, it's still in the box. I never took it out after I swore to Sam I needed an iPod nano, and I would use it faithfully. 





Step 8: Take iPod nano out of the box. Hook it up to computer. Download favorite playlists. 





Step 9: Add a little more Radiohead onto playlist. 





Step 10: Fill water bottle. 





Step 11: Weigh the pros and cons of ice v. no ice. 





Step 12: Stand by the front door. Jump around a bit. Shadow box. Chant, "Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose!" 





Step 13: Open the door. But wait. Is that buzzing sound your phone ringing?





Step 14: Why yes, yes it is. And it's Bree Despain. She's in your neighborhood, and she wants to go to lunch. Because, yes, with all these steps, it's already time for lunch. 





Step 15: Hang phone up. Catch an accusatory stare from your husband. He's all, "Who was that?"





Step 16: I'm all, "It was Bree."





Step 17: He's all, "You're not going biking anymore are you?"





Step 18: I'm like, "Hey! A girl's gotta eat."





Then tomorrow, simply repeat steps 1-18. 





I don't know why I've never tried it this way before.