Roe Vs. Wade - What Its Overturn Means To Me Personally

I got pregnant the first time at the tender age of 21. I was in school, pursuing my Engineering degree. My boyfriend and I of two years was strong, and I thought he was the one. He hadn't proposed, but we talked about marriage, and I had happy thoughts of how my new name would sound. I met him at church. He was a musician, and I was a singer. We were both Christians, but we had a healthy sex life... and we knew sex outside of marriage was a sin. So, like the good Christians we wanted to be, we tried to stop having sex. We even went as far as me no longer taking my birth control pills and him throwing out his condoms. In hindsight, our actions were stupid and naive, though well intentioned. Still, as you would guess, lust got the best of us, and we sinned. The consequence, me getting pregnant.

I was scared out of my mind. I had no idea how I was going to tell my mother. I don't think I ever told my father. My mother was disappointed, and she didn't speak to me for a long time. When she did speak to me, she referred to my pregnancy as my "little problem." I was equally afraid for the church to find out. I was well known in my hometown's Megachurch, and my being pregnant would be around within a matter of days, if not moments. I didn't want the backlash. I didn't want the condemnation. I didn't want the pity or to be made fun of by the people who wanted to see me fail. So, my boyfriend and I made the choice for me to have an abortion.

I still remember the day as if it just happened. October 28. My son or daughter would have been twenty-one years old. In college or doing whatever as I type this blog. I often wonder what my life would have been like had I not been so afraid or had an abortion not been an option for me. Would my boyfriend and I be married? He broke up with me not long after the abortion, and got another young lady pregnant with twins. He did marry her, and they are still together. Perhaps, I wasn't the one for him and I dodged a bullet. I'm not sure.

Side Note: I've never told another soul about this except for my mother and my sister. So, thank you to the readers of this blog. You are now my sisters/brothers in secrecy.

At the age of thirty-eight, I was in my second marriage. Happy, in love, and loving life. When I missed my period, I didn't even flinch. My husband and I were beyond excited. Then we found out that the pregnancy was ectopic. We waited as long as we could, putting my life at risk, just to see if that was indeed the case. I was forced to have another abortion, to save my life, this time. I mourned and I cried until the tears ran out. I sat in the doctor's office, watching pregnant woman after pregnant woman walk in with their extended bellies, knowing what I was there to do, and I ran out. I couldn't take it. The nurses apologized to me. When they asked how many pregnancies I'd had, I had to admit that it was my second pregnancy and second abortion as tears rolled down my face. An abortion wasn't my choice then, it was a necessity.

One of my stories would have been changed had the Supreme Court decision that's been made now been made back then. Had men, who don't know me, who don't know my story, my struggles, my fears, my values or my morals, made a decision about my body and my life. If my choices had been taken from me. I graduated from college with my engineering degree. I didn't have my first child until I was thirty-nine, and I cherish him every single day of my life. I have a great job, make decent wages, and my family and I are doing well. But I don't know if that would have been the case had I not made the choice I made. It's a crap shoot, right? We don't know. But that's the great thing about America is we get to make a choice and deal with the consequences of those choices. Well, it used to be the great thing about America.

I know some folks are so happy about this decision. And please don't come for me on this post. It was hard enough to write without you all adding another layer of guilt. I have my own cross to bear, please believe me. I just believe at the end of the day it's about options. It's about safety. It's the government staying out of individual lives and allowing people to make choices that's right for their lives without outside interference. Why has this changed? There is supposed to be a separation, right?

Honestly, I am unphased by this right now. I'm almost forty-three, and due to physical complications, I've had my tubes tied and I'm waiting for my hysterectomy. So, there won't be anymore faux pas on my end. But I have a step daughter. She's 13. We teach her Christian values, but we also teach her how to be smart and mindful of her decisions. Yet, she's human and she will make mistakes. She deserves to be able to make decisions for herself, her body, and her life. I'm sick that if it ever comes down to it, it may not be her choice to make.