A "What If" for Memorial Day

So today I visited a couple different social media pages. I saw where people not wearing masks were publicly ridiculing someone who was, even ganging up on them to try and “make them” take off the mask. I saw where people wearing masks were saying people who don’t wear masks are selfish jerks who don’t care about anyone (I’m cleaning that up – the language used was much worse).

What if this happened instead?

The person who believes in wearing a mask posts that they wear a mask because, based on the data they’ve read, they feel like they’re helping to protect others and their family. They support this condition and other mandates because they believe it will slow the virus and result in the lowest mortality rates. But they respect (even if they don’t understand or support) other people’s right to make the best decision for themselves and their families.

The person not wearing a mask posts that they don’t wear a mask because, based on the data they’ve read, they don’t feel the masks or other mandates will make much difference in who gets the virus. They feel like what will most help their family and others is a fully re-opened society. But they respect (even if they don’t understand or support) other people’s right to make the best decision for themselves and their families.

That last sentence in both posts is key to positively changing the atmosphere created by the voicing of someone’s opinion. In both cases, the people involved are exercising their right to choose. The two people may not agree, but they each feel they have the right to make those choices. And you’ll notice the common thread in both of those scenarios is a concern/caring about one’s family and others.

I have neighbors on both sides of this spectrum and what is genuine in both is a core of serious caring and concern about themselves, their families, their communities and their country. So ridicule or contempt claiming a lack of caring on either side isn’t only unconstructive, it’s incorrect. Social media is a great thing, but I don’t necessarily support the use of it as a venting tool. Venting privately with a friend or family member, where we can allow our emotions uncensored free rein, is healthy and often needed. Doing it on social media, in contrast, contributes to an atmosphere of negativity and hatred that continues to mushroom and polarize.

I believe in courtesy and respect and kindness, and not just because I’m some annoyingly perky person (I may be, but that’s not why I believe in those things). It’s because I’ve seen more positive change come out of courtesy, respect and kindness than I have ever seen come out of hatred, vitriol, sarcasm and passive aggressive behavior. And yes, that’s from direct experience, because my emotions/angers have run away with me plenty of times - just ask my husband, brother, mother-in-law, childhood friends…pretty much everyone in my personal life can raise their hand on that one!

So, my message of the day--which feels appropriate on a weekend where, in the U.S., we’re honoring those who have fallen in wars where we couldn’t figure out a better way to solve our differences—is this. Whenever we feel strongly enough about something we want to express our opinion about it on social media, imagine we’re saying it to our best friend in the whole world. Now imagine that friend’s opinion on the matter is entirely different from ours. Then choose the words to say, keeping in mind how much we value the friendship.

That friendship is a symbol for our connection to one another, to all of life, and how we move forward in this world together.