So...

So I have been neglectful of this LJ. One reason is a growing unease with social networking (I have deactivated my Facebook account for a variety of reasons). Another is I have so many jobs these days (day job--Lethe--acquisitions for BSB--occasional author) that I feel overwhelmed and/or too tired to come up with a post that seems worthwhile. Which leads into the next issue, what do I post? Some friends of mine use LJ as a way to reach readers, some as a venting machine that dispenses cookies. Neither is wrong. I've certainly pounded on the LJ for snickerdoodles a lot. But whining akes me even more exhausted.

Maybe I should just update what's been happening in my life?

Daulton) Remains a source of joy and frustration, as every good cat should. At 20, he remains playful, especially late at night when I want to go to bed. He's thin but not unhealthy looking. And his purring helps comfort me.

Parents) Father's IPF is slowly killing him but at a slow decline. Some days are better than others. Mother has become so worn down by his constant need for her (bathing, dressing, preparing meals, bed, etc.) that I worry she will die of his disease first. Very frustrating. And both have grown more clingy. They would prefer I eat dinner over their place every night.

Day Job) Still vacillates between feast or famine in terms of workload but I have been assigned new duties that might make things busier. Also, my health insurance is going to cost double next year. Yikes.

Health) Since I mentioned the insurance let me say that I'm on a 4-5 pill regimen between all the various prescriptions. Unless I take Xanax, I cannot sleep at night. The insomnia is awful. And I have to be wary of GERD. And depression. Always depression. And I've gained so much weight. Then, my scalp and face peel and crack like they are trying to shed skin. I've tried a multitude of ointments and nothing helps longer than a day or two. Between my face and my waistline I feel ugly.

Lethe) The press does well. We're selling more ebooks and even print sales are good thanks to some starred reviews. I probably published way too many books in 2011, so we'll be drastically reducing the number of new releases next year--it might seem counter to success, but in '11 we did several books that had very poor sales or were really outside of our area of expertise. I'd like to focus on a core of queer spec fic for the main press and then the imprints.

Icarus) Well, I never thought the magazine would be a huge seller. I hoped for more subscribers. It is a loss-leader for Lethe, providing some advertising of our books and the books of colleagues. At least I'm not losing much money.

BSB) So far I've really only acquired one other YA title for Bold Strokes Books: Street Dreams. But I did edit Speaking Out for them and the forthcoming Boys of Summer. A moment on the latter--despite an open call, I received so few submissions. Half of what I received for some future Lethe anthologies. I was really shocked by this. Yes, payment of $200 is small by the standards of YA anthologies released by the major NYC players (who pay at least 5 cents a word). But what gay press pays that much for a short story? Best Gay Romance does...what, $75? I would have thought that writers of gay fiction would have been enticed by the fee and try their hand at good YA story. But no, I had to beg some friends to write...and I could not beg the "big YA" friends because it's not worth their time. Sigh.

Writing) I had wanted to take 2012 off from Lethe duties to write. But because of staff reductions, that will be impossible. I finished I think 3 stories this year. I still have to work on 2 more before the end of the month. But we all know the truth: stories are nice, but if you don't write novels, people will never treat you like a serious author (even Kelly Link gets asked "When are you going to write a book?"). And I honestly fear I just cannot summon the enthusiasm or confidence to write beyond chapter two.

Social Life) Limited. Almost none. Except for visiting my parents for dinner, the only other outing I make is to watch bad movies on Saturday night. No dates, no hook-ups. I'm about as sexually active as one of the old men at the senior center. I don't even have a gay friend that I could hang out with, go see a movie with. I might as well be straight. I'm pretty much a failure as a fag and it saddens me so much.


Ahh, that last but sounds like a token for a cookie. Please don't. I have gained 30lbs in the last year. I'm pretty much unhappy whenever I look in the mirror as is.