Why Turning 49 Hits Me More Than 50

Dad - late 40s
Most people dread the big 5-0. Instead, I've always been afraid of turning 49 (which happens this month on the 15th). That was the age my dad was when he had his first heart attack. Naturally - I assumed that would be my fate. I have his genes. I look so much like him. I've had weight issues my whole adult life...much like he did. But I also have tried to learn from him. Once I hit my 40s, I became more fearful. I even thought (on several occasions) I was having a heart attack. Luckily my doctor put that fear to rest with a Coronary Calcium Scan to see what kind of build up I have in arteries around my heart. (zero) 2017 Greg
Still...when 2018 hit and I knew 49 was looming in just a few months, I thought this was the year I really needed to take control. Sure...I've tried in the past...several times, but always head back the other way. I'm not saying that won't happen again...never say never - but....


Shrinking GregI've lost almost 40 pounds (which was the goal for my birthday). I've added more cardio than any time I've tried a diet plan in the past. I'm doing a 5k on the morning of my birthday and raising money for a great cause. I feel healthier than I have in a long time...and I try to not think about the fact that I got down to this exact same weight 4 years ago on my birthday. (Yes, I'm crazy and I have that kind of weight log.)  This is where it's always stalled in the past. This weight...this point on the scale, but I'm hoping for better results this time and want to continue losing, getting in better shape and who knows what potential I may have when I hit 50. Dad
50 isn't the scary one. It's the one in two weeks. It's the anxiety I've had that what happened to dad was bound to happen to me. But I'm changing that course. I'm taking control where my dad wasn't able to. Time, responsibilities, desire...I don't know what kept him from not wanting to help himself, but the last ten years of his life was full of heart disease and sickness. It was sad and hard for him. It was rough for those around him. It was entirely too young to deal with a body shutting down on you.
I don't want that.
I want to become that person who loves cardio and is sad when I miss it. I want to take pleasure in knowing I feel healthy and if I want to eat a cookie now and then, I'll just do more exercise to enjoy those moments in life. 
I have a feeling I'm going to love this birthday even though I've spent much of my adult life fearing it. 
Thanks dad. 
In a strange way, you inspired me to make this change. Feeling Free 2018 Greg