End of the Year Sale!
Howdy, Goodreaders. Get the Kindle version of my latest book on the cheap!
Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!! is only 99¢ until the end of the year.
Click on the cover image below for the Amazon link.
From the back cover...
To entertain its new neighbors, a kind puppet puts Chicken McNuggets into tiny coffins and buries them in its yard. A famous pest control man is diagnosed with the “In the Air Tonight” disease, an incurable sickness that slowly turns its sufferers into the rapist referenced in Phil Collins’ hit song “In the Air Tonight.” Having just escaped TERROR TOWN, a man is opened up like a can of sardines by a can of sardines. The supposedly debunked but very real ghost caught on camera in the movie Three Men and a Baby exacts revenge on humanity for not believing in him. Though Courtney Cute is indeed the cutest child in the world, her evil doll and batshit-insane grandfather are anything but. A Ouija board grows bored of being a Ouija board. Two passengers (one human, one evil scarecrow) aboard the sinking RMS Titanic refuse to abandon ship because they’re too busy watching the blockbuster film Titanic on the actual Titanic…
These and many more ABSURDITIES await in Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!, the second collection of bizarro-whacko-absurdo short fiction from Douglas Hackle.
“Hackle may be the best absurdist story writer working today.” –Bradley Sands, author of Dodgeball High
“Hackle combines an English major's love of literature and respect for the written word with a twelve year old's penchant for dark, dirty, demented imaginings and the crassest of crass, sick/twisted humor.” –Arthur Graham, author of Tanuki Tango Overdrive
Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!! is only 99¢ until the end of the year.
Click on the cover image below for the Amazon link.
From the back cover...
To entertain its new neighbors, a kind puppet puts Chicken McNuggets into tiny coffins and buries them in its yard. A famous pest control man is diagnosed with the “In the Air Tonight” disease, an incurable sickness that slowly turns its sufferers into the rapist referenced in Phil Collins’ hit song “In the Air Tonight.” Having just escaped TERROR TOWN, a man is opened up like a can of sardines by a can of sardines. The supposedly debunked but very real ghost caught on camera in the movie Three Men and a Baby exacts revenge on humanity for not believing in him. Though Courtney Cute is indeed the cutest child in the world, her evil doll and batshit-insane grandfather are anything but. A Ouija board grows bored of being a Ouija board. Two passengers (one human, one evil scarecrow) aboard the sinking RMS Titanic refuse to abandon ship because they’re too busy watching the blockbuster film Titanic on the actual Titanic…
These and many more ABSURDITIES await in Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!, the second collection of bizarro-whacko-absurdo short fiction from Douglas Hackle.
“Hackle may be the best absurdist story writer working today.” –Bradley Sands, author of Dodgeball High
“Hackle combines an English major's love of literature and respect for the written word with a twelve year old's penchant for dark, dirty, demented imaginings and the crassest of crass, sick/twisted humor.” –Arthur Graham, author of Tanuki Tango Overdrive
date
newest »
newest »
Do you think it's OK for me to talk to my toaster, blender, and microwave? I mean I'm sure it's OK, as it would be rude to ignore them. But, I'm worried someone else might see and accuse me of appliance abuse, as the oldest is three.
How do you handle that?
How do you handle that?
Hey, uh, Ace; you know I think that it's been like a new year for a couple of moons already.
A semblance or some semblance OK. No "the" semblance except in Latvia.
deleted user wrote: "Hey, uh, Ace; you know I think that it's been like a new year for a couple of moons already."Hey, uh, Ace: you do see that this blog post was posted on December 28, 2017--right, dummy?
Douglas wrote; "Hey, uh, Ace: you do see that this blog post was posted on December 28, 2017--right, dummy? "
Yeah. So?
Allright, allright. I think I get it. When you're a real big shit writer you only update your blog whenever you put out a new book.
Had you deigned, you might have gleaned that I may not have had that mindset, because I have not reached that stature. And in addition;
FUCK YOOOOO DOOOOOOOD.
Yeah. So?
Allright, allright. I think I get it. When you're a real big shit writer you only update your blog whenever you put out a new book.
Had you deigned, you might have gleaned that I may not have had that mindset, because I have not reached that stature. And in addition;
FUCK YOOOOO DOOOOOOOD.
DonaldPres wrote: "Douglas wrote; "is only 99¢ until the end of the year."Well, that must be the mufuggin year you finally come out with your Depend Adults, cause as of right now it says three fuggin ninety-nine.
..."
dumbass
Hey, hey Doogie. No bad feelings. All good. Listen, just to help you out I posted some stuff on AG's thread, and it'll be there until tomorrow. You can use it to expand your knowledge of wainscotting into the worlds of Queen Anne and Chippendale.
Yo.
Yo.
NateGaffer wrote: "Douglas is a fish head."weak
Ah; my wife always chortles over that one. Context, I guess.
You forgot to click the likey button on another AG review, bitch.
When in excitement you push the button twice, it negates itself. Didn't you have to take some remedial math to get that GED, baboon-ass-head?
When in excitement you push the button twice, it negates itself. Didn't you have to take some remedial math to get that GED, baboon-ass-head?
Need some research info I can't find on Wiki. I'm doing a book about a bald head loser who writes books that sell 10. So, I'm wondering;
1) When it starts going, does it go real fast?
2) Do you get clumps on the pillow, and if so do you eat them?
3) Did this start right after you saw your books flop?
4) Does your wife giggle when she sees you?
5) Does your scalp itch a lot, either now or during the departure?
6) Why don't you get a wig or some shit?
7) Is it more heart breaking when your head is shaped like a watermelon?
Thanks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSeeZ...
1) When it starts going, does it go real fast?
2) Do you get clumps on the pillow, and if so do you eat them?
3) Did this start right after you saw your books flop?
4) Does your wife giggle when she sees you?
5) Does your scalp itch a lot, either now or during the departure?
6) Why don't you get a wig or some shit?
7) Is it more heart breaking when your head is shaped like a watermelon?
Thanks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSeeZ...
ThinT wrote: "You forgot to click the likey button on another AG review, bitch.When in excitement you push the button twice, it negates itself. Didn't you have to take some remedial math to get that GED, baboo..."
I'll tell ya what: Imma give you some very reasonably priced options in this matter:
A) $20 - I'll click "like" on AG's review of your new "book"
B) $30 - I myself will give your new "book" a 2-star rating here on GR
C) $40 - 3 stars
D) $50 - 4 stars
E) $75 - 5 stars
F) $150 - 5 stars and a positive albeit fake one-sentence review
G) $300 - 5 stars and a much longer review (an in-depth albeit fake analysis of six to seven paragraphs in length)
H) $500 - everything in the previous option plus an autographed photo of Douglas "Douggie-Style" Hackle
But until you paypal me some cold hard cash, mOHthafucka, you can go click the likey button on my big, swingin' dick, you tiny, little, degenerate, bonehead, sock puppet bitch.
I think I'll opt for I), but am concerned that you are apparently unaware that an H) goes in there someplace.
ThinT wrote: "I think I'll opt for I), but am concerned that you are apparently unaware that an H) goes in there someplace."Whuh? The H) is there. Get your eyes checked.
All right. But I still think I want the "I" and you GR sharks can be so damn tricky.
OK, I'll trust you for the "H," but you gotta trust me on the paypal part. I'm a little short right now, but next week yadda yadda.
You know, I can get this on Fivvers for five bucks, so I'm paying a lot for the autographed photo. As much as I want it, you got a few on your blog.
You know, I can get this on Fivvers for five bucks, so I'm paying a lot for the autographed photo. As much as I want it, you got a few on your blog.
Douglas wrote: "until you paypal me some cold hard cash, mOHthafucka, you can go click the likey button on my big, swingin' dick, you tiny, little, degenerate, bonehead, sock puppet bitch. "*high-five*
Arthur wrote: "*high-five*"*high-five*
Hoooomph. I see on which side my bread is buttered.
ThinT wrote: "Hoooomph. I see on which side my bread is buttered."Bread buttering is covered under under J), and you don't wanna know THAT cost!
I am fully convinced that I'm out of my league. It's pathetic. I've been devastated by only two Goodreaders on tandemics. I can only hope that DFW is not watching this poor show.
Let's be reasonable. Since I'm the widely followed star here, hows about I get an H) in return for me five starring and writing one short complimentary sentence on all of the books with your name on them; even the AG tainted ones?
ThinT wrote: "the books with your name on them; even the AG tainted ones"
Where on earth can you get one of those?
ThinT wrote: "Let's be reasonable. Since I'm the widely followed star here, hows about I get an H) in return for me five starring and writing one short complimentary sentence on all of the books with your name o..."
Your writing abilities are only exceeded by your originality. That bi-polar, schizoid pattern is duly noted.
BALDY BALDY BALDY BALDY BALDY
Hahahahahahahahahahaha
BALDY BALDY BALDY BALDY BALDY
Hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hope you're not reading IJ in the stall. Boss might shit on your shoes.
Just sayin'. The people's revolution can be difficult to explain coherently. Some even try that Bizarro stuff in desperation.
Just sayin'. The people's revolution can be difficult to explain coherently. Some even try that Bizarro stuff in desperation.
IJ help is on the way. Mandy de Sandra did another book almost as funny as the two with Hillary in the WhiteHouse and all that cool Chinese shark stuff, this one on DFW's notes. It is presently the first one listed on Bizarro Central.
Just trying to be helpful.
YO BRO
Just trying to be helpful.
YO BRO
Did you think Tha Censa was going to stand for this? Not!