The Music Behind "A Different Familiar": Part II
This post is a continuation of a blog series about the music that inspired me while I was writing A Different Familiar. If you didn’t catch the first post, you can find it here!
As I noted in my previous post, music has always been an effortless part of my existence. Both of my parents and many members of my extended family are musically inclined, so I suppose there was never really a time when I ever had a second thought about how music fit into the workings of my daily life. It was always just sort of there from the start, which is probably why I find it so necessary.
I started singing in a choir when I was six years old, but it wasn’t by choice. I attended a Catholic school and we had something called “church practice” every Tuesday, where a finicky musical director lined all of us uniformed schoolchildren up on the steps of the altar, and with incredible gusto, she would then wave her hand towards the organist and attempt to direct our sorry group of toddling singers in religious song. Not only did we have to sing hymns from the pages of massive missalettes, but we had to rehearse the responsorial psalms, gospel acclamations, recessionals, and every other musical part of the Mass… including the dreaded Latin.
Thinking back on that time, it wasn’t necessarily the singing I disliked, or the strangely animated musical director, or the liltingly beautiful music of the Mass itself. I mostly remember church practice as being unpleasant because the boys who stood behind me on the steps of the altar used to tug on my hair while we were singing, which then caused me to make an unruly vocal noise in front of everyone mid-song. The disapproving look of the musical director was then mimicked by me as I turned around and glared at the infamous little classmates of mine, though all the anger in my little body hardly stopped them from yanking on my hair. Luckily, it hardly stopped me from singing, either.
As I got older, I continued (voluntarily, this time) singing in choirs – both recreational and competitive – and I also took voice lessons and participated in musical theatre. Sometimes I think that if I wasn’t a writer, I would have liked to pursue a career in the musical and performance arts, though I think I’m much more suited to writing. Still, they remain great hobbies of mine, and fortunately literature and music are not mutually exclusive in my mind. That being said, let’s continue on with our exploration of the music that inspired A Different Familiar!
P.S. - Spoiler alert for those who haven't finished reading the novel. Continue at your own discretion!
Gut Feeling – The Coronas
My apologies for this one – when I initially included this song in the playlist, it was available in the United States, but I’ve since learned that it’s no longer streaming on American Spotify. I was lucky enough to find a live performance video of the song, though, so I hope that works in the meanwhile as a substitute!
This song is a nod to Ellen. Like so many of us, Ellen has a tendency to overthink a situation to death, and then when she finally grows sick of overthinking it, she settles on going with her intuitive “gut feeling” – or, in other words, trusting that inherent sense of right versus wrong. There are a few moments in the story when Ellen seemingly can’t locate that surge of intuition, however, and she doubts whether or not she’s doing the right thing. Luckily, though, Matilda advises Ellen when she finds herself floundering between decisions and half-feelings, and usually is able to point her in the right direction.
As the song progresses, the lyrics also transition into what I imagine would be a tangible conversation between Ellen and Ronan. Ellen often questions why Ronan acts the way he does, but despite all of her suppositions, she’s never quite sure how to treat him. He is certainly one character that challenges Ellen’s pattern of acting on her gut feelings, but through that, both characters learn a lot about mutual understanding.
Trying To Love – We Banjo 3
I feel particularly loyal to this song, in part because the members of We Banjo 3 are from Galway, (which will always be half of the word “home” to me), and also because another yet-to-be-released We Banjo 3 song strikes at the very heart of Ronan Twomey’s struggle with his own mental health.
The first verse of this song, however, also reminds me of Ronan… especially after he realizes the truth about Alan. Ronan is so entrenched in an overwhelming amount of emotion, but he has no idea how to process it until his mother encourages him to forgive Alan for what happened in the past. From that moment on, even though it’s difficult to see through the overwhelming darkness of his struggle with depression, Ronan tries to show love to Alan in the form of genuine, sincere forgiveness.
The final two verses reminds me of Stephen’s attempt to heal from Chloe’s brutal betrayal, which is of course difficult to do when he knows she’s in such close proximity to him. The lyrics perfectly encapsulate the way in which Stephen’s hurt transforms into gumption when he finally confronts Chloe about her deceit. Writing the breakup scene was one of my favorites in the book – a moment when I hoped readers would cheer for Stephen, the unlikely hero, for finally standing up for himself and recognizing his own worth. Both Ronan and Stephen, I think, learn important lessons about learning to love and accept others as well as themselves – wounds, scars, and all.
Talk – Coldplay
The reason behind including this song may be self-explanatory once you listen to the lyrics. What strikes me about it is the way the narrator addresses a brother, which leads me to think of the incredibly important sibling relationship between Ronan and Brendan.
The most heartbreaking scene in A Different Familiar, for me, is when Ronan goes to the cemetery at Ballintubber Abbey and spends time at his brother’s grave. The conversation he has with Brendan shows a softer, more innocent side of Ronan, but also the side that is grieving, wounded, and constantly searching for something to ground him in the sense that he’s not so desperately alone. For all of Ronan’s hardened exterior and preference for solitude, all he really wants is to be able to talk and connect with the only person who intuitively understood him – his twin brother and his best friend.
Woman – Harry Styles
As you can probably predict, this song wraps up Stephen’s relationship with Chloe in just a few minutes of Elton John inspired sound. Even down to Styles’ little stutter on the word “woman,” this song was seemingly made for lisping, self-conscious, inexperienced Stephen McSwiggan as he navigates his way through an unpredictable romantic entanglement. The lyrics and languid tone convey the familiar feelings of suspicion, jealousy, hurt, and finally exasperation that accompany unstable relationships – all things Stephen eventually works his way through. It’s only after he throws his hands up and accepts there’s no point in salvaging something that wasn’t honest and real to begin with that Stephen finally takes control of the situation. Though it’s unfortunate that he had to contend with a noncommittal and flighty partner, I like to think Stephen comes out of his experience wiser and stronger… even if he had to get hurt in the process by his infamous “woman.”
Thistle & Weeds – Mumford & Sons
I have to be honest… while I wish I could claim that this particular song worked as my muse while writing my novel, I only discovered this song’s eerie connection to A Different Familiar when I was revising one of the last scenes in the book. For some reason, I always skipped over this song on the album, but I’m not entirely sure why.
One day, probably in a state of mental exhaustion, I just let the album play through without skipping around, and as I listened to the lyrics of this song for the first time, I remember a shiver slowly reaching down my spine. Not only do some of the lyrics relate to a dream Ronan has while staying at the house on Inishmore, but they also illustrate imagery associated with Brendan’s death, Ronan’s suicidal thoughts and visions, and his reluctance to allow others to grow closer to him. To this day, anytime I listen to “Thistle & Weeds,” I get a peculiar feeling, almost like déjà vu, and wonder why it took me so long to listen to a piece of music that so strangely and beautifully expresses the tragic confusion riddled within Ronan’s head.
That’s all for this post, but check back soon for the final part of the series!
Thanks for reading!
Rhian
As I noted in my previous post, music has always been an effortless part of my existence. Both of my parents and many members of my extended family are musically inclined, so I suppose there was never really a time when I ever had a second thought about how music fit into the workings of my daily life. It was always just sort of there from the start, which is probably why I find it so necessary.
I started singing in a choir when I was six years old, but it wasn’t by choice. I attended a Catholic school and we had something called “church practice” every Tuesday, where a finicky musical director lined all of us uniformed schoolchildren up on the steps of the altar, and with incredible gusto, she would then wave her hand towards the organist and attempt to direct our sorry group of toddling singers in religious song. Not only did we have to sing hymns from the pages of massive missalettes, but we had to rehearse the responsorial psalms, gospel acclamations, recessionals, and every other musical part of the Mass… including the dreaded Latin.
Thinking back on that time, it wasn’t necessarily the singing I disliked, or the strangely animated musical director, or the liltingly beautiful music of the Mass itself. I mostly remember church practice as being unpleasant because the boys who stood behind me on the steps of the altar used to tug on my hair while we were singing, which then caused me to make an unruly vocal noise in front of everyone mid-song. The disapproving look of the musical director was then mimicked by me as I turned around and glared at the infamous little classmates of mine, though all the anger in my little body hardly stopped them from yanking on my hair. Luckily, it hardly stopped me from singing, either.
As I got older, I continued (voluntarily, this time) singing in choirs – both recreational and competitive – and I also took voice lessons and participated in musical theatre. Sometimes I think that if I wasn’t a writer, I would have liked to pursue a career in the musical and performance arts, though I think I’m much more suited to writing. Still, they remain great hobbies of mine, and fortunately literature and music are not mutually exclusive in my mind. That being said, let’s continue on with our exploration of the music that inspired A Different Familiar!
P.S. - Spoiler alert for those who haven't finished reading the novel. Continue at your own discretion!
Gut Feeling – The Coronas
My apologies for this one – when I initially included this song in the playlist, it was available in the United States, but I’ve since learned that it’s no longer streaming on American Spotify. I was lucky enough to find a live performance video of the song, though, so I hope that works in the meanwhile as a substitute!
This song is a nod to Ellen. Like so many of us, Ellen has a tendency to overthink a situation to death, and then when she finally grows sick of overthinking it, she settles on going with her intuitive “gut feeling” – or, in other words, trusting that inherent sense of right versus wrong. There are a few moments in the story when Ellen seemingly can’t locate that surge of intuition, however, and she doubts whether or not she’s doing the right thing. Luckily, though, Matilda advises Ellen when she finds herself floundering between decisions and half-feelings, and usually is able to point her in the right direction.
As the song progresses, the lyrics also transition into what I imagine would be a tangible conversation between Ellen and Ronan. Ellen often questions why Ronan acts the way he does, but despite all of her suppositions, she’s never quite sure how to treat him. He is certainly one character that challenges Ellen’s pattern of acting on her gut feelings, but through that, both characters learn a lot about mutual understanding.
Trying To Love – We Banjo 3
I feel particularly loyal to this song, in part because the members of We Banjo 3 are from Galway, (which will always be half of the word “home” to me), and also because another yet-to-be-released We Banjo 3 song strikes at the very heart of Ronan Twomey’s struggle with his own mental health.
The first verse of this song, however, also reminds me of Ronan… especially after he realizes the truth about Alan. Ronan is so entrenched in an overwhelming amount of emotion, but he has no idea how to process it until his mother encourages him to forgive Alan for what happened in the past. From that moment on, even though it’s difficult to see through the overwhelming darkness of his struggle with depression, Ronan tries to show love to Alan in the form of genuine, sincere forgiveness.
The final two verses reminds me of Stephen’s attempt to heal from Chloe’s brutal betrayal, which is of course difficult to do when he knows she’s in such close proximity to him. The lyrics perfectly encapsulate the way in which Stephen’s hurt transforms into gumption when he finally confronts Chloe about her deceit. Writing the breakup scene was one of my favorites in the book – a moment when I hoped readers would cheer for Stephen, the unlikely hero, for finally standing up for himself and recognizing his own worth. Both Ronan and Stephen, I think, learn important lessons about learning to love and accept others as well as themselves – wounds, scars, and all.
Talk – Coldplay
The reason behind including this song may be self-explanatory once you listen to the lyrics. What strikes me about it is the way the narrator addresses a brother, which leads me to think of the incredibly important sibling relationship between Ronan and Brendan.
The most heartbreaking scene in A Different Familiar, for me, is when Ronan goes to the cemetery at Ballintubber Abbey and spends time at his brother’s grave. The conversation he has with Brendan shows a softer, more innocent side of Ronan, but also the side that is grieving, wounded, and constantly searching for something to ground him in the sense that he’s not so desperately alone. For all of Ronan’s hardened exterior and preference for solitude, all he really wants is to be able to talk and connect with the only person who intuitively understood him – his twin brother and his best friend.
Woman – Harry Styles
As you can probably predict, this song wraps up Stephen’s relationship with Chloe in just a few minutes of Elton John inspired sound. Even down to Styles’ little stutter on the word “woman,” this song was seemingly made for lisping, self-conscious, inexperienced Stephen McSwiggan as he navigates his way through an unpredictable romantic entanglement. The lyrics and languid tone convey the familiar feelings of suspicion, jealousy, hurt, and finally exasperation that accompany unstable relationships – all things Stephen eventually works his way through. It’s only after he throws his hands up and accepts there’s no point in salvaging something that wasn’t honest and real to begin with that Stephen finally takes control of the situation. Though it’s unfortunate that he had to contend with a noncommittal and flighty partner, I like to think Stephen comes out of his experience wiser and stronger… even if he had to get hurt in the process by his infamous “woman.”
Thistle & Weeds – Mumford & Sons
I have to be honest… while I wish I could claim that this particular song worked as my muse while writing my novel, I only discovered this song’s eerie connection to A Different Familiar when I was revising one of the last scenes in the book. For some reason, I always skipped over this song on the album, but I’m not entirely sure why.
One day, probably in a state of mental exhaustion, I just let the album play through without skipping around, and as I listened to the lyrics of this song for the first time, I remember a shiver slowly reaching down my spine. Not only do some of the lyrics relate to a dream Ronan has while staying at the house on Inishmore, but they also illustrate imagery associated with Brendan’s death, Ronan’s suicidal thoughts and visions, and his reluctance to allow others to grow closer to him. To this day, anytime I listen to “Thistle & Weeds,” I get a peculiar feeling, almost like déjà vu, and wonder why it took me so long to listen to a piece of music that so strangely and beautifully expresses the tragic confusion riddled within Ronan’s head.
That’s all for this post, but check back soon for the final part of the series!
Thanks for reading!
Rhian
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As one...I'd say they liked you Rhian, or at least liked getting a rise out of you. But before you unfriend me now, in my defense I was never an instigator, but do confess to opportunistic mischief!