Coming Soon: Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!
Dear good (and bad) readers here on Goodreads,
My newest book is due out later this spring/early summer. It’s called Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!
Consisting mainly of previously unpublished stories with a few reprints shuffled in there for good measure, this will be my third book and my second collection of absurdist/bizarro short stories.
Prior to its release, I’ll have a limited amount of ARCs available for review purposes. You know the drill: a free book in exchange for an honest review on Amazon, Goodreads, a book review site, personal blog, etc. If you’re interested, shoot me a message, my tiny little dude/dudette.
In any event, here's the final table of contents:
My newest book is due out later this spring/early summer. It’s called Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!
Consisting mainly of previously unpublished stories with a few reprints shuffled in there for good measure, this will be my third book and my second collection of absurdist/bizarro short stories.
Prior to its release, I’ll have a limited amount of ARCs available for review purposes. You know the drill: a free book in exchange for an honest review on Amazon, Goodreads, a book review site, personal blog, etc. If you’re interested, shoot me a message, my tiny little dude/dudette.
In any event, here's the final table of contents:
My Name Is Douglas
The Two Times I Was a Mean Man
Tokens
The Powell/Fourth Dog Incident
The Ghost, the Boulder, and the Glaive
Moon-Moths Are Nothing but a Cheap Parlor Trick
Not That It Matters, but the War of 1812 Was Kinda Hawt
The Unpursued Man
I Won the MegaSuperLotto
A Small Owl with a Broken Wing (from Compton)
Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum?
This Puppet Puts the “P” in “Puppet”
Got Me a Date with an Uptown Girl
The Case of the Already-Solved Case
Flawless Face®
TERROR THING
Our Hearts Will Go On, Yo
All Comic Book Movies and Shows Are Fucking Boring, Zombies Are Lame, Cthulhu Is Stupid, and Everything Is Fucked
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message 1:
by
Jason
(new)
Apr 05, 2017 10:11PM
Another great title.
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Jason wrote: "Another great title."Thanks!
Alas, I fear my last title, due to its resemblance to a weird erotica title, might repel more potential readers than it attracts. At least with this one, you know you're getting into some straight-up whacky stuff minus any intimations of gay dinosaur porn and the like.
Not that there's a damn thing wrong with gay dinosaur porn.
Any dinosaur gay porn?
And point of order; her real name is Winona Horowitz and Johnny Depp denies ever having been on "Soul Asylum."
Despite that expected lack of LBGTQ&whatever-other-letters-have-recently-been-added-on, I wouldn't mind having a free copy. But, I'm not necessarily going to read or review it. Maybe I can sell it.
And point of order; her real name is Winona Horowitz and Johnny Depp denies ever having been on "Soul Asylum."
Despite that expected lack of LBGTQ&whatever-other-letters-have-recently-been-added-on, I wouldn't mind having a free copy. But, I'm not necessarily going to read or review it. Maybe I can sell it.
Douglas' first story is; "My Name Is Douglas"
Please don't tell me that rhymes with uglass.
Please don't tell me that rhymes with uglass.
ConwayT wrote: "...I wouldn't mind having a free copy. But, I'm not necessarily going to read or review it. Maybe I can sell it. "Oh, swell! I guess I'll just have to send all my ARCs to you then!
ConwayT wrote: "Douglas' first story is; "My Name Is Douglas"Please don't tell me that rhymes with uglass."
Well, it does, don’t it?
Douglas wrote: "ConwayT wrote: "...I wouldn't mind having a free copy. But, I'm not necessarily going to read or review it. Maybe I can sell it. "
Oh, swell! I guess I'll just have to send all my ARCs to you then!"
If you pay the postage.
Oh, swell! I guess I'll just have to send all my ARCs to you then!"
If you pay the postage.
Douglas wrote: "ConwayT wrote: "Douglas' first story is; "My Name Is Douglas"
Please don't tell me that rhymes with uglass."
Well, it does, don’t it?"
If you want to get all snippy about it, yeah; unless one is one of the few who pronounce Douglas as Dooglas. I heard it once.
But anyway, in some degree of seriousness, I would very much like to have an ARC and I'm certain, based on what I've seen of your other work; I'd at least four star it if you were at your worst and likely give it five. However, this does you no good whatsoever as, given my situation, any review I write will be deleted from GR and actually Amazon too, though the latter has more lag time. I'm also not reading much right now as it's taking all my mental energy to try to write a children's book about talking dogs. It's not easy to think like a dog.
I wish you all the luck in the world with it. I know it's good; and it will hopefully not again be the loss of the reading public not to have enjoyed it only because they weren't aware of it.
Yo.
Please don't tell me that rhymes with uglass."
Well, it does, don’t it?"
If you want to get all snippy about it, yeah; unless one is one of the few who pronounce Douglas as Dooglas. I heard it once.
But anyway, in some degree of seriousness, I would very much like to have an ARC and I'm certain, based on what I've seen of your other work; I'd at least four star it if you were at your worst and likely give it five. However, this does you no good whatsoever as, given my situation, any review I write will be deleted from GR and actually Amazon too, though the latter has more lag time. I'm also not reading much right now as it's taking all my mental energy to try to write a children's book about talking dogs. It's not easy to think like a dog.
I wish you all the luck in the world with it. I know it's good; and it will hopefully not again be the loss of the reading public not to have enjoyed it only because they weren't aware of it.
Yo.
Douglas wrote: "ConwayT wrote: "Douglas' first story is; "My Name Is Douglas"
Please don't tell me that rhymes with uglass."
Well, it does, don’t it?"
I think the buglass part was better.
I'm remembering more and more of this rap. If my name's in there, you goan be in court, boy.
This was around the time of the TOBB sabotage. You know, it took a lot of effort to make that book dumb enough for the Bizarro set. That's more difficult than thinking like a dog. Bunch of candy asses.
Now I have nightmares about Fats Melnick. Yeah, I know he put his arm around you for a photo making one of his "funny" faces. I don't care; I got one with fathead Billy Corgan. Phtttttttt.
Yeah, this Melnick guy can be scary. Imagine being in an empty elevator shaft with him jumping around like a spider. One time he landed right on his head and I was like; "Yay, he's dead," then he got up like nothing happened and made scary faces at me.
Can you do some kind of interpretation of that; maybe Freudian; but whoever? WTF? He never reviews your books. Big shit.
Please don't tell me that rhymes with uglass."
Well, it does, don’t it?"
I think the buglass part was better.
I'm remembering more and more of this rap. If my name's in there, you goan be in court, boy.
This was around the time of the TOBB sabotage. You know, it took a lot of effort to make that book dumb enough for the Bizarro set. That's more difficult than thinking like a dog. Bunch of candy asses.
Now I have nightmares about Fats Melnick. Yeah, I know he put his arm around you for a photo making one of his "funny" faces. I don't care; I got one with fathead Billy Corgan. Phtttttttt.
Yeah, this Melnick guy can be scary. Imagine being in an empty elevator shaft with him jumping around like a spider. One time he landed right on his head and I was like; "Yay, he's dead," then he got up like nothing happened and made scary faces at me.
Can you do some kind of interpretation of that; maybe Freudian; but whoever? WTF? He never reviews your books. Big shit.
ConwayT wrote: "...This was around the time of the TOBB sabotage. You know, it took a lot of effort to make that book dumb enough for the Bizarro set. That's more difficult than thinking like a dog. Bunch of candy asses.Now I have nightmares about Fats Melnick. Yeah, I know he put his arm around you for a photo making one of his "funny" faces. I don't care; I got one with fathead Billy Corgan. Phtttttttt.
Yeah, this Melnick guy can be scary. Imagine being in an empty elevator shaft with him jumping around like a spider. One time he landed right on his head and I was like; "Yay, he's dead," then he got up like nothing happened and made scary faces at me.
Can you do some kind of interpretation of that; maybe Freudian; but whoever? WTF? He never reviews your books. Big shit."
Tsk-tsk. And to think that for just a moment there (see comment 9) you appeared almost amiable. However, one comment later and you're back to your old mean-spirited ways.
Sir, I daresay you are an UNKIND PERSON!
Humph! >:/
Douglas said; "Sir, I daresay you are an UNKIND PERSON!"
Have some sympathy please. It goes back to when I was just a wee lad. My father took me to the Empire State Building, picked me up, and said he was going to throw me off. Then he repeated the act at the Statue of Liberty.
Just imagine how hard it would be for a 35 year old to deal with that.
Have some sympathy please. It goes back to when I was just a wee lad. My father took me to the Empire State Building, picked me up, and said he was going to throw me off. Then he repeated the act at the Statue of Liberty.
Just imagine how hard it would be for a 35 year old to deal with that.
Alas and alack
The sympathy I needed
has been denied by
this purveyor once heeded.
Wish it were a surprise.
But, it is only that
when I close my eyes
I feel the skank pat.
The hula hoops
rest in bizarre
novelties shelved
in the jar.
Let's all be nice
and pretend
we can't see.
The sympathy I needed
has been denied by
this purveyor once heeded.
Wish it were a surprise.
But, it is only that
when I close my eyes
I feel the skank pat.
The hula hoops
rest in bizarre
novelties shelved
in the jar.
Let's all be nice
and pretend
we can't see.
You're one mean mother something too; but what can one say to your Nostradamus-type abilities, as well as a Saunders knack for homorous repetition which can even get jaded old Arthur laughing out loud.
In other words; "F*c* y*u." I will never again speak to this mean persona.
In other words; "F*c* y*u." I will never again speak to this mean persona.
The original, one-and-only MEAN MAN returns!
Well, Hack-head. Still trying to find someone else's good shit to copy?
Guess I don't blame ya. They say the inepts are supposed to survive too. Fuckin' egalitarians never met the creeps.
Guess I don't blame ya. They say the inepts are supposed to survive too. Fuckin' egalitarians never met the creeps.
Extrapolations. Reprinted ........................... Bizarro.
Chuckle, chuckle. Good fucking luck with that.
Chuckle, chuckle. Good fucking luck with that.
DeanTheDream my foot!You WISH your old, Rip Van Winkle-lookin' ass was in this picture, you ILL-MANNERED, UNCIVIL, UNSYMPATHETIC FELLOW! >:/
Douglas wrote: "DeanTheDream my foot!
You WISH your old, Rip Van Winkle-lookin' ass was in this picture, you ILL-MANNERED, UNCIVIL, UNSYMPATHETIC FELLOW! >:/
It has finally come to my distracted attention that it was likely my crass attempted joke about your photo with the creator and continued maven of the unfortunately named Bizarro movement which has been the source of your continued chastisement. I would be reticent if I did not offer my sincerest of apologies for making light of what is clearly the highlight of your life. I am not one to step on dreams. It is only my crude insensitivity and a chance meeting with Mark Leyner which has prevented me from seeing that this was a highlight there is no forgiveness for such things. Therefore I ask none. I only offer my regrets.
HEHEHE. "NICE FACE" ON BOTH OF YOU.
You WISH your old, Rip Van Winkle-lookin' ass was in this picture, you ILL-MANNERED, UNCIVIL, UNSYMPATHETIC FELLOW! >:/
It has finally come to my distracted attention that it was likely my crass attempted joke about your photo with the creator and continued maven of the unfortunately named Bizarro movement which has been the source of your continued chastisement. I would be reticent if I did not offer my sincerest of apologies for making light of what is clearly the highlight of your life. I am not one to step on dreams. It is only my crude insensitivity and a chance meeting with Mark Leyner which has prevented me from seeing that this was a highlight there is no forgiveness for such things. Therefore I ask none. I only offer my regrets.
HEHEHE. "NICE FACE" ON BOTH OF YOU.
Douglas wrote; "DeanTheDream my foot!'
The inference of what you apparently interpret as presumed greatness has prompted this response. Considering your tender years and photo evidence of a penchant for literary pursuits, you may not be aware that "Dean the Dream Meminger" was an abject failure.
He was much heralded as a college basketball star; but never cut it in the big show. Worse, he put on a performance in midtown Manhattan, inviting anyone to play him one on one. A fifty year old banker I worked with beat him.
So, thank you for recognizing my true greatness. So many are fooled by names.
The inference of what you apparently interpret as presumed greatness has prompted this response. Considering your tender years and photo evidence of a penchant for literary pursuits, you may not be aware that "Dean the Dream Meminger" was an abject failure.
He was much heralded as a college basketball star; but never cut it in the big show. Worse, he put on a performance in midtown Manhattan, inviting anyone to play him one on one. A fifty year old banker I worked with beat him.
So, thank you for recognizing my true greatness. So many are fooled by names.
Douglas wrote; "You WISH your old, Rip Van Winkle-lookin' ass was in this picture, you ILL-MANNERED, UNCIVIL, UNSYMPATHETIC FELLOW! >:/"
Who's your girlfriend? I don't want to be unkind or anything; but if her nose got any wider, the hair in it would clog up her ears.
Er, that might have happened already.
Who's your girlfriend? I don't want to be unkind or anything; but if her nose got any wider, the hair in it would clog up her ears.
Er, that might have happened already.
Dear Mr. Hackle;
Your absence will be greatly appreciated on "Call for Submissions."Please R.S.V.P. asap.
Special guest is an UNKIND PERSON!
Your absence will be greatly appreciated on "Call for Submissions."Please R.S.V.P. asap.
Special guest is an UNKIND PERSON!
Douglas wrote: "ConwayT wrote: "...I wouldn't mind having a free copy. But, I'm not necessarily going to read or review it. Maybe I can sell it. "
Oh, swell! I guess I'll just have to send all my ARCs to you then!"
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just hold on there a second, champ. ............. errr. It might be better for you if you send a few of them to reviewers with some degree of following. Not that that has anything to do with getting a return on a bad investment.
But in all honesty; in that case I won't have a living room stacked up with "fine books yet to be discovered."
P.S. if anyone thinks that last title is erotic; I wouldn't advise being alone with them.
Oh, swell! I guess I'll just have to send all my ARCs to you then!"
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just hold on there a second, champ. ............. errr. It might be better for you if you send a few of them to reviewers with some degree of following. Not that that has anything to do with getting a return on a bad investment.
But in all honesty; in that case I won't have a living room stacked up with "fine books yet to be discovered."
P.S. if anyone thinks that last title is erotic; I wouldn't advise being alone with them.
I knew Michael Lawry when we were kids. He kept chickens and pigeons in his backyard and always smelled of bird poo. Despite that he was really a weird person. Are any of your stories about him?
Douglas wrote: "DeanTheDream my foot!
You WISH your old, Rip Van Winkle-lookin' ass was in this picture, you ILL-MANNERED, UNCIVIL, UNSYMPATHETIC FELLOW! >:/
"
I am sympathetic. I'm sorry that you had to put your arm around that fat slob so he could fit in the picture. Does he wash?
You WISH your old, Rip Van Winkle-lookin' ass was in this picture, you ILL-MANNERED, UNCIVIL, UNSYMPATHETIC FELLOW! >:/
"
I am sympathetic. I'm sorry that you had to put your arm around that fat slob so he could fit in the picture. Does he wash?
