Does An Author Need to Look Like an Author?

Does an author need to look like an author? I don’t have a tweed sports-coat. None of the sports-coats that I do have feature leather elbow patches. I don’t have a bookshelf with neatly arranged leather-bound first-editions. If a photographer asked me to rest my chin in my hand and gaze contemplatively and just slightly away from the camera, I don’t know if I could do it without laughing. I’ve often thought I could look more intelligent with just the right hat . . . but I hate hats.

That’s just not me.

It takes a man with a strong character to look dignified sitting in a fiber-glass flamingo – most will just look goofy. Clearly I don’t have a strong character. But here’s the thing: How many people enjoy looking at photos of dignified people? I just performed a highly scientific experiment. I googled images for “man with pants falling down” and got over 36 million results. A similar search for “Hemingway looking dignified” returned 21,00 results.

The simple fact is people would rather see goofy than dignified, and I think that actually touches on a real point. I think too many authors spend too much time trying to make themselves look smart or special when they should be trying to entertain their readers.

Oooops. That was almost a serious point. I’ll try not to put too many of those in this blog.

Does an author’s blog need to look like an author’s blog? That’s the problem I’ve been wrestling with. Everybody keeps telling me I need a blog, but I’ve never been comfortable with the idea. My thoughts aren’t golden nuggets.

My thoughts usually tend toward the juvenile end of the spectrum.

When my wife and I were conferring with my son’s 5th grade teacher, she commented: “I really enjoy having Ryan in my class. His sense of humor is not that of a typical 5th grader.”
“That’s funny,” my wife replied. “Because his father’s sense of humor is exactly that of a typical 5th grader.”

Am I not cut out to be an author . . . or do I just need to suck it up and play the role? Is that what everybody else does? I remember, when eReaders first started to come out, one of my first thoughts was: “Hmmmm, so I can read the crap that I’d never be caught dead reading in public . . . and no one will be the wiser.” Are back issues of Mad Magazine available for Kindle yet?

So now I’ve got a blog . . . I’ve avoided it as long as I can. Even I’m not interested in reading about what I think. Why in the heck would anyone else? Would a string of references to slang terms for farts make a good blog? Let’s see:

Butt Trumpet

Trouser Cough

SBD

Sphincter Whistle

A Kiss for the Kaiser (my grandfather’s favorite)

Cut the Cheese

Flame Thrower

Toot

Baking Brownies

Kill the Canary

Air Biscuit

Why do I feel like Bugs Bunny about to get yanked off stage with one of those comically oversized hooks? You know, the kind that yank him away and just leave his hat hanging there in mid-air? Good thing I don’t wear hats.
Land of Nod, The Artifact