Pendulum swings

This weekend I decided that A Gift of Grace was abysmal, unreadable, the worst thing I’ve ever written.

ARGH!

I wound up reading the current version from beginning to end, and concluded that I’m just in a little bit of a murky middle space. I know how it ends, I know a couple more scenes before it ends, but I don’t entirely know how to get from where I am to there. So that’s going to be my goal for this week, to make it through the murky middle and onto the solid end ground. Or at the very least, map out the path through the murky middle.

My secondary goal is to stop beating myself up for not having finished yet. I wanted to finish by the end of August. Ha. And then the end of November and then the end of every month since. I can’t believe that we’re entering March and I’m still not done. But being mean to myself about that is not helping me in any way. If I could take all the time I waste telling myself how incompetent I am and turn it into time that I am writing real words, I’d be doing so much better.

Of course, that’s always easier said than done. I tell myself to be nice to me and yet I often just can’t figure out how. I used to make to-do lists when I felt overwhelmed so I could start checking items off. It gives a nice sense of accomplishment on days when the universe makes it impossible to feel complete. Item #1 on the kind of to-do list should always be “Make a to-do list” so that I have something to check off as soon as I’m done. Maybe I’ll start there today.

To-do list

#1: Make a list.

#2: Write a Monday morning blog post

#3: Answer emails and clean out in-box…

Hmm, and it’s 7:07 AM and look, I’m off to a much better start than I would ever given myself credit for, since #3 is done, #2 is almost done, and #1 will soon be done.

#4: Outline all the remaining scenes in Grace.

And that’s the stumper. But it’s a great goal and I think I’ll get started on it now. The nice thing is that having established that it’s my goal, I can be working on it while I walk the dogs, clean the kitchen, fold the laundry and maybe finish painting the bathroom. And those are all good goals, too.

End of the month check-in: I have not yet broken my streak. The words weren’t many yesterday or Saturday or even last week as a whole, but I’ve written every day of 2016. Go, me!