Hannah Rae's Blog, page 31

Marisa de los Santos & My Fence

A while back, I got a fence to confine my dogs to the backyard. They used to have an invisible fence, but it just wasn't working for Augusta. A startling zap to the vocal cords didn't faze her at all... so I splurged and had a wooden fence installed.

That first summer with the fence, I decided to paint the spines of beloved books on the slats. My Harry Potter section is probably my favorite art that I've done so far, but I'm also quite fond of my Marisa de los Santos collection. She's my favorite author and has been for quite sometime.

Realistic fiction is Marisa de los Santos's jam and the first thing I ever read by her was a novel called Love Walked In. There is a scene in that book that's so beautifully descriptive and it's all about towels. I am a sucker for towels. At TJ Maxx and Marshall's and HomeGoods and stores like those, I love to walk down the towel aisle and look at all the different colors. In Love Walked In, Claire's mother comes home with more towels than she will probably ever need and I just absolutely adored that scene!

Years later, I read Belong to Me, which also features Claire (and Cordelia and Teo, too), but this time there's also a woman named Lake. She works at a restaurant and Cordelia visits this restaurant... where she orders puttanesca! Until I read Marisa de los Santos's amazing description of puttanesca, I had no idea what it was. But the salty, tomatoey, olivey goodness sounded like it was right up my alley. Therefore, I looked up a recipe and made it.

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(Coincidentally, I actually referenced the puttanesca mentioned in Belong to Me in my own novel Come and Go So Quickly, which you do not have access to yet because it needs major editing before publication.)

Anyway... the next book I read with Claire, Cordelia, and Teo was called I'll Be Your Blue Sky and I loved that book too! It makes me so happy when characters are recurring in storylines, which is why my characters always show up in books that aren't necessarily their books. Marisa de los Santos does this all the time!

Because Marisa de los Santos is my favorite author, it makes sense that her novels would be on my fence.

Here's a cool thing: I recently requested to follow Marisa de los Santos on Instagram and she not only accepted my request, but she also followed me back! I was beyond flattered. I mean, how cool is that?!

The answer: Beyond cool.

If you haven't already read some of her books, you really should. The characters are incredibly lovable and complex, and she does a really nice job with imagery as well. If I were you, I'd start with Love Walked In, but you do you -- whatever you choose, it'll be a good choice!

I might need to head north...

I checked the map the other day and noticed that Burlington, VT, and Boston, MA, seem to be engaging more and more with my website. The blue dots are multiplying! Granted, I've still got a long way to go before I have a truly respectable following, but it is rewarding to see that my efforts might be paying off.

I sent a free copy of The Way Back to Fletcher Free Library (isn't that a nice name?) in Burlington. I'm now wondering if they might have put my book on their shelves, or distributed my business cards to some of their patrons. It seems that they must be doing something because I have gained followers!

Burlington is where Phish is from, and Phish is one of the bands on my novella's playlist. Interestingly, I only started listening to Phish about a year and a half ago. Ever since I discovered Reel Big Fish back in the nineties, folks have confused my love of the Southern California ska band with the New England jam band, and so after correcting people for multiple decades, I finally decided to give Phish a listen. Turns out, I love them too! So that's how Phish ended up being mentioned in The Way Back, and it's also how my book made its way to Vermont. And it might be the reason behind the multiplication of blue dots in Burlington.

As for Boston... I don't know what's happening there! It's true that I have a couple friends in that area, so maybe they're spreading the word regarding my book and my blogs? I just don't know... I mean, I love The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and they're from Boston, but they're not on The Way Back's playlist so I didn't send a free book to one of the Boston libraries. It's a mystery for now, I suppose.

If you're a reader from Burlington or Boston and you're reading this blog, shoot me an email and let me know how you found out about my writing. I'd love to hear from you!

Trampled By Beautiful Music

This blog post is dedicated to my dear friend Kristin and she will figure out why pretty quickly.

So last night my high school buddies Erin, Brock, Concert-Husband Phil, and I ventured down to DC for a show at The Anthem. Who were we going to see, you ask? Trampled By Turtles! We met up with Jenn, who graduated with us and lives down that way. Coincidentally, we actually parked a few cars down from her in the parking garage and found her as we were walking to the exit. That, everyone, is an example of perfect timing.

We had a 5:30 reservation at a Mexican restaurant, but it was only a little after four when we arrived. Brock knew of a rooftop bar near the water, so that's where we went! The bartenders were two really nice women who looked as though they might like books, so I asked them if they were readers. One of them was; the other told me she likes reading, but doesn't always make time for it. I told her about the short chapters of The Way Back and how I actually wrote it with the intent of reaching nonreaders, and then I gave both of them my card... along with a third card for their friend Beth.

A couple sitting at the bar heard me talking to the bartenders about my book and turned to me, wondering, "Could we have one of your cards too? We love to read!" So I gave them my card.

A bit later, I was observing a trio of couples sitting by the water. They, too, looked like readers. So do you know what I did? I went over and struck up a conversation. Seeing as they were in town to see Trampled By Turtles, it only made sense that they'd be readers... so I gave them my card.

By then, we needed to head over to Mi Vida, which was where we planned to eat dinner. Our waiter was a jovial fellow by the name of Orlando and he used to live in Gettysburg! What are the odds, right? Needless to say, I gave him my card.

My meal at Mi Vida was DELICIOUS. I got the chicken tacos, which were recommended to me by Orlando, and they did not disappoint. A little spicy, very flavorful... I topped mine with some of the traditional guacamole we'd ordered as an appetizer. We also ordered blue cheese guacamole that had grapes in it, and while that may sound incredibly bizarre, it was outstanding! I'm going to attempt to recreate it at some point.

While waiting for our bill, Phil pointed out a woman standing at the bar and told me to take note of her shoes. They were high heels and the heels were exceptionally high. "I was following her up the stairs," he said, "and I couldn't stop watching her feet. Her heels barely stayed on the steps and I was convinced she was going to fall and I'd have to catch her. I mean, I was totally prepared to catch her."

Upon observing this high heel-clad woman and her mate, I determined they were probably readers. Therefore, I walked over to them and asked if they'd like one of my cards. Not only did they want one of my cards, they wanted my book! Jerome and Dana bought it right then and there! How cool is that? And then I pointed out my friend Phil to them and Jerome said, "Oh, he followed us up the stairs!" I explained his concern regarding Dana's heels and Dana said, "I was walking on the balls of my feet" and I said, "I told Phil you were probably employing the tiptoe technique." So that happened.

We went to The Anthem after that and this is where it got nuts! Once inside, I grabbed Phil's hand and pulled him straight up to the stage. I knew I was going to have to make friends because I knew I was going to need to stand in the very front when it came time to toss my book up there. So... I started asking people if they liked to read and much like the response at Sound on Sound, EVERYONE LIKED TO READ. For each person I asked "Can I give you my card?", three more people approached me and asked "Can we have your card?"

The opening band was called Amigo the Devil and they were great! The lead (he is apparently really named Danny, but he also goes by Amigo) is not only a talented musician, but also a comedian. He sang some really funny stuff; the audience had a great time! I stood beside some folks who actually flew in from California to catch the show, so that was fun.

I also made friends with Liza, Mickey, Kaitlinn, and "Peaches" (though I don't call him that because we're not close friends, but that's the name his close friends used when they introduced him). I also met Dan and his son Tyler. They were both super friendly and nice. Dan wanted to see my book and promptly read the back. Tyler was all like, "Dad, Dad! You can't just take her book!" But Dan gave it back, so it was all good.

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Tyler orchestrated this whole plan for me to get in the front row when it came time to toss a copy of The Way Back on stage. It involved double taps to his shoulder and then temporarily occupying the spot held by Woman in Plaid. This was accomplished approximately seven songs into the performance. The paperback landed in front of a center amp and one of the band members picked it up. I later found myself standing beside one of the band's photographers (Brock pointed this out to me) and asked if she could take my card and make sure the band has my book. She said she would. So I'd like to thank that photograph, and I'd also like to give a big shoutout to Ellie and Theresa because they were so supportive regarding "the toss" and have such enthusiasm regarding my book!

Okay. Let's talk about the actual show.

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Trampled released a new album the other week. It's called Alpenglow and it's INCREDIBLE. I have essentially been listening to it on repeat since its release. These are my favorite songs: "It's So Hard to Hold On," "Starting Over," "On the Highway," "A Lifetime to Find," "Burlesque Desert Window," and "All the Good Times Are Gone." I think they played all of these things... plus others! Like "The Middle" and "Alone," which I also love massive amounts!

Brock was disappointed that "Where Is My Mind?" didn't make it to the setlist, but the show was essentially perfect. Lots of new stuff, a smattering of old stuff, and so much beautiful music! I will definitely be seeing Trampled By Turtles again and again and again in my future!

Trivia Recap: 11/3 (The Best Night EVER!)

We sucked.

We are changing our name to The Uneducated Friends, in fact.

Players: Alex (coffee shop owner), Mary (English teacher), Brock (complicated marketing/graphic design/other things expert), Phil (Adobe guru and phenomenal waiter and bartender), Hannah (English teacher)

Hint of the Day: Cell phone hooked up to a charger

Round One:

We got almost all of the questions correct. The Hobbit is not our strong suit, but that's because none of us really care about that particular series. Sorry if you do. Pretty much every answer had to do with a number and what made it fun is that I was convinced that Colin Kaepernick was going to be an answer because today was (is, as I'm writing this) his birthday. He's thirty-five! So, since everything leading up to the category of Name That NFL Team had been in relation to numbers, I figured the answer would be 49ers and the bonus would be Colin Kaepernick. But... it's wasn't. Nevertheless, when I expressed my believe that my C.K. would be the answer (I obviously didn't know he played for the 49ers; I don't follow football), Phil leaned over and put his mouth right up against my ear to sort of whisper-shout "Forty-niners!" right into my ear canal. He is, after all, my only ear-on-mouth friend.

Side note: Another funny thing that happened tonight was in regards to the concert Phil and I are going to tomorrow. Brock will be there as well, as will Erin and Jenn-from-high-school. Erin recently sent out a text to the group inquiring about what we intended to wear. While sitting beside Phil at Fourscore, I replied that I planned to wear my favorite jeans, a tank top, and a flannel.

"Oh, a tank top and a flannel?" Phil confirmed. "I like that. I might do the same!"

I leaned over and nudged his shoulder with mine. "Concert husband, concert wife, concert twinsies!" I said, and then promptly added, "Incest."

Mary noted, "That took an unexpected turn rather quickly!" And she did her belly laugh.

More about Round One: Phil was super excited about Brand Names By The Numbers and we got all three parts of the three-part question correct. TV Spinoffs was fun, too. Mary knew Grownish was a spinoff of Blackish, but when she told us she thought Mixedish was the other possible answer (there were two bonus questions) several team members were skeptical. It seemed a little too racy... but it ended up being right and we got it wrong because we went with "Amish."

Round Two:

The Bizarre Cover Songs category really was bizarre. Classic artists, performed by musicians in completely different genres. We got all the other stuff though, and I think I put my mouth on Phil's ear at one point because I seriously kept thinking about his reference to "mouth-on-ear" friends and it made me giggle every time.

Halftime:

We only got 15/20. The top half was identifying band logos (this was confusing because they could be altered, but they might not be) and the streets different TV families live on. We missed two on the top and three on the bottom. By this point, we were thinking we still stood a chance at placing. I mean, we were in third place and we were only down by nine points. Just wait...

Round Three:

This is where we started to suck. Ben had "some things to do," so he couldn't join us tonight. That meant we were weak when it came to Presidents and all things relating to the globe. We missed Presidential Elections as a result. Phil knows his marsupials so we got Opossom right away, but Italian Food and Sports Venues proved to be overly tricky. (And I will add that there were multiple sports venue questions tonight... which I hate).

Round Four:

We continued doing terribly here. Game Shows? Nope. A+B=C: 90s Music? Nope. (Brock actually knew this, but Mary thought she knew it too. Unfortunately, the team trusted Mary's gut and this time around, it was Brock's gut that was correct.) Three Clues, One Classic Tune? Nope. Military Matters? YES! Phil knew this. It's the only question we got right this entire round because, not surprisingly, African Geography wasn't going to be a strong category for us.

Around this time, Phil commented on the fact that our "mouth-on-ear" friendship might transition to a "head-on-shoulder" friendship. We were getting tired... and a little frustrated as well. Phil pointed out that at Halftime, we were down by nine points, and by the end of Round Four, we were down by FORTY-NINE points. It took some doing, but we did it, and I won't necessarily say that we're proud.

Final Round:

The category was vocabulary and the answer was "Platonic" and we knew it. So we got twelve points... which mattered not at all. Next week's category is AC/DC songs, and even though Phil loves that band, he won't be there because he has a prior commitment. Oh well... Darren should be back by then (he was in Texas this week) and he obviously carries the team.

Quick Request

Sales for The Way Back have proven a pleasant surprise and I'm having so much fun with the selfies people are posting on Facebook and Instagram. #thewaybackselfie for the win! Here's a request, though: When you finish the novel, could you post a review on Amazon or Goodreads? (Or both, really, if you're so inclined!)

I'm not asking for five-star reviews. If you think the book is only worthy of two or three stars, go ahead and give it the score you think it deserves. I figure that'll just make the reviews look more authentic. (One must always try to look on the bright side, eh?) Here's the real bright side, though: I've gotten a couple five-star reviews on Goodreads from folks I don't know at all... which really reinforces to me that I can write.

I do think reviews help, though. That's what I've read anyway. If people see that other people have read the book, then they are more inclined to read the book. So... that is my quick request.

Thanks, friends! You guys are swell!

Mr. Great-With-Accents

I have a student whom we will refer to as Mr. Great-With-Accents and while reading Act One, Scene One of Romeo and Juliet in class the other day, I pulled out the ol' prop box to get my period four students properly attired. Mr. Great-With-Accents was portraying the role of Prince (that's Prince Escalus for those of you who don't teach Shakespeare's classic tragedy... which I assume is most of you) so he had a purple robe and a crown to wear upon his head.

There was a lot of thumb-biting and threatening of stealing Montagues' maidenheads before the Prince made his grand appearance. But GRAND APPEARANCE he did make!

When it came time for Mr. Great-With-Accents to take the stage, he did so with open arms and a booming voice. Just as Prince Escalus is meant to do, Mr. Great-With-Accents parted the red/blue sea of Capulets and Montagues (my students wear appropriately colored crowns while acting out the drama) and demanded attention.

He then proceeded to read the following without stammering or stumbling over the antiquated language:

Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace,

Profaners of this neighbor-stainèd steel —Will they not hear? What, ho! You men, you beasts

That quench the fire of your pernicious rage

With purple fountains issuing from your veins —

On pain of torture, from those bloody hands

Throw your mistempered weapons to the ground.

And hear the sentence of your movèd prince.Three civil brawls bred of an airy word,

By thee old Capulet and Montague,

Have thrice disturbed the quiet of our streets,

And made Verona's ancient citizens

Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments,

To wield old partisans in hands as old,

Cankered with peace to part your cankered hate.If ever you disturb our streets again,

Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.For this time, all the rest depart away.

You, Capulet, shall go along with me;

And Montague, come you this afternoon,

To know our farther pleasure in this case,To old Free-town, our common judgment-place.

Once more, on pain of death, all men depart.

To a lot (if not most) of you, this is probably a rather dull exchange. But let me tell you... when Mr. Great-With-Accents read the above lines, he did so with fluctuating accents.

He began with a British accent, because that's what another student had requested everyone use (and, surprisingly, many of them did). A British accent was apparently too mundane for Mr. Great-With-Accents, however. About a third of the way through his presentation, he began to roll his R's and pretend he was Scottish. That was my favorite! And then, for no logical reason, the ruler of Verona became an Australian native. It was hilarious!

When I praised Mr. Great-With-Accents at the end of class, he merely shrugged his shoulders and said quite humbly, "I used to act when I was a little kid."

Today he portrayed Juliet, which was equally amusing. Decked out in a wig, a tiara, and heart glasses, Mr. Great-With-Accents stood on a desk (it was the balcony scene, after all) and managed a British accent in a high-pitched voice. It was wonderful!

I'm kind of excited about what comes next! Fingers crossed that Mr. Great-With-Accents accepts another role.

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month)

Ever heard of NaNoWriMo? That's short for National Novel Writing Month, and since I write a lot of novels, I decided to advise a NaNoWriMo Club at school. The goal is for participants to write 50,000 words during the month of November, thus completing a big chunk of a novel and getting far enough along that it would be sad to abandon the task even if the month is over.

The club is small but mighty, and while I'm technically the adviser, the real person in charge is The Novelist.

I had The Novelist as a freshman and since then, she's written two novels. She even won an award for one of them when she entered it in the Scholastic Writing Competition! The Novelist is a very cool human and she is bringing her positive vibes to my classroom every Tuesday in November. The other members of the club are so excited to have her as a coach!

I passed Poseidon Jr. in the hallway this morning and the first thing he said to me was, "Guess what today is!"

I of course knew the answer. "NaNoWriMo!" I exclaimed. "Day one! Oh my gosh!"

"Oh my gosh!" Poseidon Jr. repeated, and then we both squealed a bit.

There are some dystopian writers in the mix. Quiet Quiet Cocoa Puff is creating something about people with chips implanted in them, I believe, and someone else is also writing a dystopian piece... though I'm not sure what it's about. At first, it was about turnips or carrots or something, but that idea has been abandoned and replaced with something new. And if I knew what the new idea was, I've since forgotten.

The Ninja is being very hush-hush about her idea, but Poseidon Jr. is the opposite! Not only has he got all these characters existing in his head, he's also created a playlist and a cover for his novel! Go Poseidon Jr.!

Chipper McSunshine is writing a mystery. It involves two girls trapped in a basement and a trail of breadcrumbs leading to them... but the breadcrumbs are actually stamps. It sounded like an interesting plot. She started writing it when she was in seventh grade, but now that she's a sophomore -- and a better writer, not surprisingly -- so she's going to rework it and bust it out this month.

The Limbo King, as far as I know, isn't quite sure what his novel will be about, but he has a very intricate theme in place. I find it interesting that he prefers to start with a theme. I'm someone who needs the characters and a bit of plot (it might only be a snippet, but it has to exist... and it helps to have an ending, but that's no longer a requirement for me).

I was talking to The Novelist after the club wrapped up and we realized that we brainstorm our novels very differently. She makes storyboards and character descriptions whereas I just sit down and start writing. I keep a page of notes to help keep me organized, but I rarely do any brainstorming ahead of time. Although, I did do stuff like that when I was a kid. I still have a big binder on the bottom shelf of my bookcase that's labeled "Head Story." It has song lyrics and letters from bands and the first chapter, rewritten multiple times, of my first novel Kick It (which has still never been published, but will someday be shared with you). So, that's going to be next week's discussion with the club: What are the steps you take before writing?

I need to get to writing my novel now because I still have 50,000 words to produce this month. Gotta go!

The Story of Siddy McPhee

Seeing as it's Halloween, it seems an appropriate time to share the story of my cat Sid... though he and I were introduced to one another around New Year's rather than Halloween. I had just begun working as a veterinary technician. (I like to say "working as a veterinary technician" because I was never actually certified as a veterinary technician; I know there's quite a bit of training that goes into earning the title and I don't want folks to presume that I know everything there is to know about being a technician.)

Back to the story.

It was my first day on the job and I was in the cat kennel. There was a domestic shorthair, all black, in one of the bottom cages. Stuck to the cage was a note that read in all capital letters: CAUTION! NO RABIES VACCINE! This, not surprisingly, made me nervous. "Should I be worried about this cat?" I asked Andy, the technician who was training me that day.

"No, that's Sid. He's a sweetheart. We just don't know his vaccine history."

As it turns out, Sid had been brought in right around Christmas. His "owners" (I use that term very loosely) had found him lying beside the road and monitored his behavior for a couple days. When he still hadn't moved after twenty-four hours or so, they called the vet hospital and wondered if they should bring him in for a visit. The answer was, "Yes! Bring him in immediately."

Fortunately, Sid's injuries were not terrible-horrible and Doc was able to fix him up. He stayed at the hospital for quite a while, mending very well, and then his "owners" decided they didn't want to pay the bill and therefore abandoned him. So... I tried to persuade my parents that we needed him.

My dad was an easy sell. He has some good traits, but his best two traits are his ability to fix ANYTHING and his willingness to welcome ANY animal into our home. (His worst two traits are probably smoking and the frozen-sloth speed he employs to read the novels I write. To this day, he's read all of Just Whistle and only six chapters of The Way Back.)

Convincing my mom that we needed Sid was a bit trickier. In her defense, we did have six cats and two dogs (Airedales, so the dogs were on the bigger side) at the time. And if you've ever met my mom, you know that she's essentially Martha Stewart without the prison sentence: she's insanely tidy, can prepare absolutely anything and make it taste delicious, and knows how to throw a phenomenal party.

Fortunately, I am very persuasive.

While I was wielding my magic and slowly talking my mom into adopting another cat, Sid was told that he could no longer reside at the hospital. Doc allowed me to transport him to the SPCA, which I did with tears in my eyes. I cried the whole way there and Sid sat in his carrier on the front seat, paws crossed and chin resting upon them, watching me with soulful eyes.

He was at the SPCA for a few weeks. While there, he developed a terrible ear infection and was therefore not put up for adoption. I went to visit him weekly. The staff at the shelter is so kind and they allowed me to see him in one of the back rooms. While I was there one afternoon, a volunteer said to me, "You know, there's a really good chance he won't be adopted. Black cats often aren't. You could foster him..."

I asked my mom.

She said no.

I asked again.

She said no.

I asked again and again and again.

She finally said yes.

Sid came home that day and took up residency in the upstairs guest room. Within fifteen minutes of being there, he'd befriended Franny, one of the six cats already living with us, and met several of the others. Though some of the boys hissed when they first interacted with him, Sid never did anything more than purr. He's a very polite fellow.

He also never went back to the SPCA.

In time, Sid relocated to the basement where there was more space. He technically had the run of the house, but he preferred to seclude himself and steer clear of the dogs. (To this day, dogs are still among his least favorite things.) In the evenings, he'd utilize the cat door and visit the kitchen while my dad, arriving home late from work, ate dinner at the counter. Sid liked to untie his shoes, chase the laces for long stretches of time, and then hop onto the counter to tip my dad's glass of iced tea. Sid used to love to tip over glasses! It was pretty much his favorite pastime.

Today, Sid is nearly nineteen (most likely; I can't be one hundred percent sure of his age when I adopted him) and was recently diagnosed as being in kidney failure. I'm not sure how much more time I have with him, but I'm savoring every minute. He sleeps on my pillow each night and breathes on me with his swampy breath, licking my face and giving my neck love bites, and even though these displays of affection are always stinky and often painful, I never ask him to stop.

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Multi-Tasking with Chad!

My marketing manager Mary and I got caffeinated at Eighty-Two (soon to be Bantam Coffee Roasters) today! While there, we had deep talks with Chad, one of the owners, about my upcoming book signing that will take place at my favorite coffee shop. (Details to come!)

Anyway... Chad is a man of many talents: he roasts coffee, he brews a damn good latte, he tells an amusing story, and he reads while roasting coffee. Check out the selfie he took:

Chad wasted little time in then hopping on Instagram (with a little help from Alex) and posting his #thewaybackselfie. Once you get your copy of The Way Back, you should post yourself with the novel as well. Here's what you have to do:

Take a selfie with The Way Back. Visit your social media page of choice. (I'm a big fan of Instagram.) Post your selfie. (Ideally, you should do this as an actual POST and not your story because the story then disappears.) Include #thewaybackselfie in your caption. Tag me by employing the @ and then typing "heyheyhannahrae" -- I'll pop up. Tag Reese's Book Club by once again using the @ and then typing "reesesbookclub." Publish your selfie!

Easy, right? I'm gonna be watching for those selfies, friends! Keep 'em coming!

The Mystery of the Carved Cabbage

If you read yesterday's blog,

You should be in the know

Of the cabbage-turnip debacle

That earned us no points. Zero.

"You can't carve a cabbage!" I claimed.

"It's leafy and would fall all to bits."

So imagine my massive confusion

When I came home to a carved cabbage, lit!

There it was on my doorstep,

A most peculiar thing.

Wrinkled and not very sturdy,

With a rather ghoulish grin.

The first thing I did was laugh.

The second? Send a text to my team:

"I admit that I now stand corrected

For a cabbage can be carved, it does seem."

"Hahahahaha I KNEW IT"

Came Alex's instant reply.

The others expressed their amusement

With laughter and blue thumbs-up signs.

Brock and Ben loved it. Darren did too.

Mary, Team Cabbage, sent a quick line:

"See! It can be done!" she eager claimed.

But no one owned up to the silly design.

Until later that night when the group got a text

From good ol' Victoria, with an admission:

She was the culprit; she carved the cabbage!

And I'm keeping that cabbage 'til its decomposition.