Weston Ochse's Blog, page 43

Scary Rednecks and Appalachian Galapagos

Once upon the time there were two young writers who got together to make a chapbook. That chapbook exploded into 16 stories, a book that sold more books than any other Dark Tales titled, and spurred a sequel collection titled Appalachian Galapagos. These two books were collected into a very limited 26 copy Omnibus edition from Delirium that went for about a billion bucks. Scary Rednecks was reprinted by Delirium. Until now, Appalachian Galapagos has not been reprinted. That is until now.

Now both Scary Rednecks and Appalachian Galapagos are available for download in all e-formats.

Scary Rednecks
All Formats
Amazon

Appalachian Galapagos
All Formats -
Amazon (coming soon - the above link includes Kindle)

Appalachian Galapagos had an interesting evolution. It was supposed to come out in hardback by Imaginary Worlds. But Imaginary Worlds soon became Imaginary Books and folded having only published Brian Keene's No Rest for the Wicked in 2001. Here's the cover for the IW version of Appalachian Galapagos.

Then in 2002, John Turi of Medium Rare Books approached us. He soon published the book in a trade hardcover and released it on the main floor of the Book Expo of American. It was a big hit, but the publisher couldn't keep enough copies in stock for distribution.

Here's the Medium Rare version.

And since 2003, there haven't been any other copies in any other format available for sale.

That is until now.

I thought you all might appreciate this.

-Weston

Multiplex Fandango Up for Pre-order

Tomorrow is the BIG Day. Multiplex Fandango is up for pre-order at Dark Regions Press. Some of you may have heard about it, but this is my master work of short fiction. Please if you have a moment and an inclination, jump over to Dark Regions at this link and pre-order the book.

If you haven't yet heard about it. The cover art was done by Vince Chong. Joe Lansdale provided an introduction for the book. So far it's gotten some fantastic reviews. Surely, this collection has my very best work, encompassing 15 years of writing. I've written 6 original tales for this collection. Of my 100+ published short stories, I selected ten. So Multiplex Fandango has 16 stories for hours of fearful reading.

I could share the blurbs that have been coming in, but I won't inundate you. The  latest blurb came in just today, though, so let me share that. You all might not know Dani and Eytan Kollin, but they are the authors of The Unincorporated Man (Tor Books), which exploded onto the science fiction scene, winning the coveted Prometheus Award.  I read it with awe, amazed that such an original idea and a well-written book could be written by first time authors. Since then they've gone to write quite a bit more. Here's what Dani had to say about Multiplex Fandango


"Weston Ochse is to horror what Bradbury is to science fiction -- an artist whose craft, stories and voice are so distinct and mesmerizing that you can't help but be enthralled. Multiplex Fandango is yet another in a long line of exclamation points that reminds us of that fact." -- Dani Kollin

That he compared me to Ray Bradbury is most humbling. I dedicated Multiplex Fandango to Messrs Bradbury and Lansdale. I think they are absolute masters of the craft. So to be compared with Mr. Bradbury is a lifelong dream.

So do me a favor and go over to Dark Regions Press, please.  I the meantime, you can check out my uber-cool trailer. Feel free to shoot me a comment now and then too.

The Last Zombie Infects Me All Over Again

Nothing like hot sun, cool water, and a zombie comic. Nothing better unless it's from Brian Keene. He can tell a story and in the world of comics, I'm envious. I've recently been writing comic scripts so I'm becoming familiar with how the experts are doing it. From Steve Niles, to Chuck Dixon, to Jeff Marriotte, to Warren Ellis, I'm learning the art of taking my story and creating a visual and narrative symbiosis.

I'm a self-described Bronze Age comic book lover. For the uninitiated, this is roughly 1970 - 1985. Loved the Team Ups. Loved the What Ifs. LOVED the Defenders. In fact, my wife got me The Essential Defenders for Christmas, which saved me from going into my jacketed and boxed collection. There's a certain naivete with the Bronze Age. The characters aren't all knowing, rarely even know themselves, and make a lot of mistakes. I think that was a character of the time reflected in the comics. It probably represents me most accurately.


Take modern comics, for instance.Warren Ellis, whom I love, created Desolation Jones among many other great works. But representationally, I think Desolation shows a modernism in comics that is polar opposite of Bronze Age. The character seems to understand himself. He knows more. Not that he's smarter than his 1975 counterparts, but as a character, Desolation is representative of a society with instantaneous information, which includes self-reflection and self-knowledge. That said, modern comics are very aware of themselves and inculcate social issues to a much greater degree.

Back to Brian... what he's done with The Last Zombie, and earlier to a degree with Devils-Slayer, is merge modern and Bronze Age comic realities. The soldiers and characters retain much of the naivete, hoping the best in people, unsure what the right answer is, and relatively unaware of their own interior motives. Yet all the while Brian is able to weave social issues and a level of self-reflection not often found in Bronze Age.

And his soldiers are spot on. Brian's ability to represent the reality of brothers in arms, soldier on soldier dependancey and love is absolutely perfect. I saw many of my friends in the characters of The Last Zombie.

Yep. Brian did it to me. I'm infected all over again. For a long time I've had my desk covered with comic covers because it's who I am. I forgot that for awhile.  My desire has been rekindled. I need to read more comic books. I need to write comic books.

My goal for 2011 is to have a comic script accepted. So all you publishers out there, watch out for it. I'll be calling soon. Expect it. The stories are exploding out of me. Ideas are oozing from my skin. I have a story to tell. I have a comic to write.

Gotta go now. My panels are calling.


Weston Ochse
Tarantula Grotto
Sonoran Desert

John Horner Jacobs Creating New Southern Gods

Occasionally you meet someone at a convention that you just hit it off with. I'm not only a new friend of John's, but a considerable fan. He gave me a copy of Southern Gods, which is due to come out from Night Shade in August 2011. Let me say, I get handed lots of books. I try and read most of them. Some I comment on. Sometimes it feels like a chore, but I don't mind because I have an obligation to pay it back.

Cover Art for Southern Gods
Reading Southern Gods was no chore. It was a dark and dreamy delight. The plot rises from the mire of established Southern Gothic and Cthluhu fiction and is enlivened by the sort of characters only Elmore Leonard and Shirley Jackson could write. The narrative creeps on alligator feet through the swamps of Post WWII American South, where slavery is still fresh in the memory and Rock and Roll is being born. A detective noir cthulhu southern gothic mystery, Southern Gods held me fast until the end, leaving me wanting more, but satisfied that I had witnessed enough brilliantly rendered brutality and compassion for one sitting.

I'm sharing this from John's site. I thought it was funny -Oh! I keep forgetting stuff. I made the acquaintance of Weston Ochse (and his wife Yvonne Navarro) and we hit it off gangbusters. He gave me some invaluable advice that I won't share here because I don't want you to steal the new super-abilities that Wes' words of power gave me. But let me tell you what, friends and neighbors, Weston Ochse is a badass of monumental proportions. Do not fuck with Wes. He'll break you. I would be interested in seeing Wes face off with Paul Wilson in a verbal cage match. Too bad they're both too damned pleasant to do it.

The very idea of F. Paul Wilson and me going at it is utterly ridiculous. Besides the fact that he'd probably open up a Repairman Jack-sized can of whoopass, we all know that he'd have Tom Monteleone step in for him, and no one, I mean no one, wants to mess with the Borderlands Mafia.  

Plus. I love Paul. For that matter I love Tom too.

And now I'm finding myself loving John. I feel honored that I have an insight and a special look into the beginning of a young man's career. I've heard about his next book, and even talked to him about his next project. The horizon is deep and golden for John. I for one can't wait for the rest of the universe to discover exactly how good he is.

John Jacobs Creating New Southern Gods

Occasionally you meet someone at a convention that you just hit it off with. I'm not only a new friend of John's, but a considerable fan. He gave me a copy of Southern Gods, which is due to come out from Night Shade in August 2011. Let me say, I get handed lots of books. I try and read most of them. Some I comment on. Sometimes it feels like a chore, but I don't mind because I have an obligation to pay it back.

Cover Art for Southern Gods
Reading Southern Gods was no chore. It was a dark and dreamy delight. The plot rises from the mire of established Southern Gothic and Cthluhu fiction and is enlivened by the sort of characters only Elmore Leonard and Shirley Jackson could write. The narrative creeps on alligator feet through the swamps of Post WWII American South, where slavery is still fresh in the memory and Rock and Roll is being born. A detective noir cthulhu southern gothic mystery, Southern Gods held me fast until the end, leaving me wanting more, but satisfied that I had witnessed enough brilliantly rendered brutality and compassion for one sitting.

I'm sharing this from John's site. I thought it was funny -Oh! I keep forgetting stuff. I made the acquaintance of Weston Ochse (and his wife Yvonne Navarro) and we hit it off gangbusters. He gave me some invaluable advice that I won't share here because I don't want you to steal the new super-abilities that Wes' words of power gave me. But let me tell you what, friends and neighbors, Weston Ochse is a badass of monumental proportions. Do not fuck with Wes. He'll break you. I would be interested in seeing Wes face off with Paul Wilson in a verbal cage match. Too bad they're both too damned pleasant to do it.

The very idea of F. Paul Wilson and me going at it is utterly ridiculous. Besides the fact that he'd probably open up a Repairman Jack-sized can of whoopass, we all know that he'd have Tom Monteleone step in for him, and no one, I mean no one, wants to mess with the Borderlands Mafia.  

Plus. I love Paul. For that matter I love Tom too.

And now I'm finding myself loving John. I feel honored that I have an insight and a special look into the beginning of a young man's career. I've heard about his next book, and even talked to him about his next project. The horizon is deep and golden for John. I for one can't wait for the rest of the universe to discover exactly how good he is.

Demons Anthology Table of Contents and Cover

 DEMONSEdited by John SkippPublished by Black Dog Levinthall650 PagesSynopsisThis bone-chilling collection explores demons in many forms - from spirit possession of the human soul to fallen angels and the devil - through thirty-five stories from renowned and up-and-coming writers of horror and fantasy including Neil Gaiman, Clive Barker, Harlan Ellison, and many more. The next book in "Black Dog's" supernatural series, "Demons" presents thirty-five terrifying stories in which evil spirits wreak havoc on the world. Some of the tales included here are classics, the best that the genre has to offer, by authors such as Joe Hill, Neil Gaiman, Clive Barker, Mark Twain, and Harlan Ellison. Others come from the latest and most promising newcomers to the craft including Mike Resnick, Karen Joy Fowler, and Kij Johnson. John Skipp, editor of "Black Dog's" books "Zombies and Werewolves", provides fascinating insight into the history and details of demon lore, and its role in popular culture, through two nonfiction essays. Resources at the end of this book include lists of the best of long-form fiction, movies, websites, and writers.

Table of Contents

"Cherub" by Adam-Troy Castro"The Devil" by Guy De Maupassant"The Book" by Margaret Irwin"The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs"The Hound" by H.P. Lovecraft"The Black Cat" by Edgar Allan Poe"The Devil And Daniel Webster" by Stephen Vincent Benet"Nellthu" by Anthony Boucher"The Howling Man" by Charles BeaumontThe Exorcist (excerpt) by William Peter Blatty"Hell" by Richard Christian Matheson"Visitation" by David J. Schow"Best Friends" by Robert R. McCammon"Into Whose Hands" by Karl Edward Wagner"Pilgrims To The Cathedral" by Mark Arnold"The Bespelled" by Kim Harrison"Non Quis, Sed Quid" by Maggie Stiefvater"Demon Girl" by Athena Villaverde"He Waits" by K.H. Koehler"Happy Hour" by Laura Lee Bahr"Staying The Night" by Amelia Beamer"Daisies And Demons" by Mercedes M. Yardley"And Love Shall Have No Dominion" by Livia Llewellyn"Mom" by Bentley Little"20th Level Chaotic Evil Rogue Seeks Whole Wide World To Conquer" by Weston Ochse"Consuela Hates A Vacuum" by Cody Goodfellow"Our Blood In Its Blind Circuit" by J. David Osborne"Empty Church" by James SteeleAngelology (excerpt) by Danielle Trussoni"The Coda Of Solomon" by Nick Mamatas"John Skipp The Law Of Resonance" by Zak Jarvis"Stupid Fucking Reason To Sell Your Soul" by Carlton Mellick III"Halt And Catch Fire" by Violet LeVoit"Scars In Progress" by Brian Hodge"The Unicorn Hunter" by Alethea Kontis"Other People" by Neil GaimanPretty psyched about this. My story was a long one and wasn't accepted until the very last moment.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Dead Dog Party

Rain Graves, myself and Yvonne Navarro There have been some great conventions over the years. There have been some whose moments shall live with me forever. Like the time First Sighting of Multiplex Fandango
There have been some great conventions. Until now I thought WHC Denver 2000 was the best convention. I met my wife there. I met most of my friends, to include the Cabal there. We almost burned down the Tor Party, when Geoff Cooper lit the pentacle on the floor. Dick Laymon and I giggled all over it. Feo Amante leapt atop the great bronze horse and almost made it gallop away. I established very close relationships in a small amount of time that have lasted to this very day.
At this point I'm not sure if WHC Austin 2011 was better than Denver, but I know for a fact it was its equal, at least in my eyes.  
Peter Straub and MeA lot of a convention's success has to do with the people. Those running it have to have a certain mentality and ability to multitask under intense strain and external pressure. I'm not sure who ran Denver, but the Austin crew had that in spades. Never once did I see them blow their tops, or freak out, or bat at invisible demons circling their hair, all of which I've seen happen before. Nate Southard and Lee Thomas and their crew were consummate pros and we were the better for it.
Another important aspect of a convention is location. Location. Location. Location. Just as in real estate and retail, location means everything in the tourist industry, and let's face it, conventioneers are tourists. WHC Kansas city was out in the middle of the edge of forever. When the thunderstorms hit we felt displaced and in another galaxy, and were waiting for the Elder Gods to spread us on Ritz crackers. NECON convention center is a poor shadow of what the dorms and the campus provide. WHC San Fran and WHC NYC has pretty good spaces, but because they were downtown in big cities, everything was squished a little. Then of course there was the bar at NYC that shut down before midnight, leaving us wondering what to do until my Army Sergeant kicked in, and next thing you knew we had three dollies of alcohol delivering booze to the grand downstairs area that was the perfect scene for a bacchanalian extravaganza—which we had.The Drake Hotel in Denver was an awesome place. It had convention spaces, great rooms, nice party rooms, a good bar, and was near lots of restaurants. Like the Drake, The Doubletree North in Austin had all of these elements. The bar was smaller, but the centrality of the convention spaces promoted the idea of unity.Perhaps I don't need to figure out which one was better. Perhaps I can just say that WHC Austin was equal to the best convention I've ever attended. By default, that makes it the best, right? Damn Right.So many things happened on the way to the Dead Dog Party.
The Dark Region Writers UnionThe First Meeting of Friends at the Convention, where although we hadn't seen each other in many months, sometimes years, we fell into an easy chatter.Lincoln Crisler introducing me at my reading like it was a boxing match at Ceasar's Palace. (Thanks Linc)Meeting Joe Morey from Dark Regions for the first time, seeing Multiplex Fandango ARCs and sitting down for a few hours signing them to fans. Joe brought 40 and left with none.Having Dinner with Rocky Wood at the Bikini Bar- perfect convergence of the NFL Draft, bikinis, burgers, bikinis, beer, bikinis, fried pickles, bikinis, and friends.Dinner with Yvonne Navarro at Pappadeaux (with Chris Marrs and Richard Payne)and Taj Mahal (with ourselves).The artist reception and chatting with my agent (Bob Fleck) and my publisher (Jon Oliver), as well as a host of other writers and friends and fans.Having Joe Lansdale tell me "That Book is F#ucking Good," meaning MULTIPLEX FANDANGO, and wishing I could use it as a blurb for the cover of the book. The Weather in Horror Panel, which I'd made fun of up until we actually began, then realized that all my favorite stories were predicated on changes in the weather.The Martial Arts Panel, where Joe Lansdale and Wrath White held court while Brian Keene and I fired quick 9mm shots in between expert thesis statements on the art of pain delivery mechanisms.The Mass Autographing where I was allowed to unveil my Steaks and Bitches T-Shirt, sign books, chat words, and sit down for a few stolen minutes with Joe Hill.Late night pizza, great beer, Deadites and Erasureheads, Peter Straub martinis, talking books not politics, and Brian Keene and Mary Sangiovani becoming perfect bookends to Yvonne and Me.All my new friends and fans, including…Talking projects with Russ Dickerson and Gard Goldsmith.Eating awesome Mexican in downtown Austin, entertained by the vodka-stuffed thirty-something wedged into a twenty-something slip of a dress, who could barely walk, and not seeing the bats with Scott Edelman, Eunice Magill, Scott Brown, Kelly and Ann Laymon, Chris Marrs, Angel Leigh McCoy, Rain Graves, John Tomaszewski, and others.Meeting Victoria Blake from Underland Press, who I'd talked to so many times on the phone.Chatting with Steve Niles and watching the evil grin take over his face.Sitting in the wonderful foyer on the gigantic couches, chatting with John Jacob Horner, about his new books (Southern Gods—which is amazing) and life in general. John's a new great friend.And last but not least, the Dead Dog Party, where Bob Ford, Kelli Owen, Jack Ketchum, Christopher Teague, Gard Goldsmith, Simon Clark and several others toasted the end of the con, only to discover that there was one other reason to toast when President Obama came on the television and announced the death of UBL.And the dénouement came on the bus ride to the airport with Chad Savage and Simon Clark, tales of dubstepping, Family Guy and improbably friends meeting in a solitary van, headed to the airport that would see us all to our homes.Yeah. WHC Austin was pretty incredible. I made some deals. I have a lot of work to do before the next convention. I have some serious deliverables that could make or break me. We'll have to see how they turn out.  What helped were the three things that hit me right before the convention. Some guy at the Mass Autographing My original story "Driving the Milky Way" was accepted to the mass market anthology House of Fear from Solaris Books. Thanks Jon Oliver!My original story "20th Level Chaotic Evil Rogue Seeks Whole Wide World to Conquer" was a last minute add to the mass market anthology Demons from Black Dog & Levinthal Press. Thanks John Skipp!Bad Moon Books asked me to write the introduction to Clive Barker's next book with them, Candle in the Clouds. Thanks Roy Robbins! But a funny thing happened on the way to the Dead Dog Party. 
I discovered that my mind was in a different place than all of the other conventions. Both emotionally and intellectually, I approached this convention differently. In Denver, I didn't know what to expect, so I was very open to everything. But then after Denver, I came to expect certain things. Whether it was that things be like they'd been in Denver, or whether the people I'd met should act the same way, or that my increasing levels of success dictated that I should be treated a certain way,  or what, I don't know. But I realized at WHC Austin that I'd previously had a certain amount of expectation when I attended conventions. And to the glory of everything right in the world, this convention I somehow misplaced that expectation. I approached it openly, as an opportunity to meet new friends and new fans. As a chance to introduce myself to people who either knew me or didn't know me. I felt new. I felt original. And I think people could tell. I don't know why it's taken me so long to figure this out. What, ten years? Probably because I was thinking too much about me than about everyone else.
So perhaps it's a mindset too.
I'll have to remember that for my next convention. 
And the one after that. 
And so on.
It was an awesome time, whose energy will live on within me for months to come, fueling my creativity, and focusing my drive.
Might as well be the start of a whole new year.

Yvonne Navarro and Rocky Wood
Jalani Sims from the University of Oklahoma MFA Program
Ashley Balantine (aka Tattoo Girl)
Guru Mike Castro
Nicole Castle-Kelly (Warren, MI)
Joe McKinney
Rhodi Hawk and Mary Sangiovani
The British Invasion singing "Hunka Hunka Burning Love"
Rain Graves and John Tomaszewski
Eunice McGill Trying to Act Sneaky with the Camera Pre-Bat Fiasco Meal
Yvonne can find a dog anywhere

You can find the rest (many many more) of the pictures HERE

Dispatches from World Horror Con - Ketchum, Keene and Pornstars

[image error] Woke up in Austin, Texas and have spent the morning lounging around the lobby of this great hotel. Thirty-foot ceilings with exposed wooden beams, plush but firm western-style furniture. Folks are starting to trickle in.

[image error] Last night spent great time with Rain Graves and John, Brian Keene (I would say Sarah Langdan, but she stood us up for Mexican food), Bev Vincent, Kelly and Ann Laymon, Gak, and Vince Chong. Met Jim Gavin and the guys from Deadite Press and spet some quality beer time with Erasurehead Books. Thanks Ruth and Carlton.

Shout out to Liz from Bad Moon Books.

See this picture of Jack Ketchum? It's a rare sighting. I actually had to sneak up on him lest he fly away. This normally night-time author made a rare morning appearance. You can tell by the wide-eyed look that he never knew the world was so bright.

Roy Robbins wins the coolest guy on the planet award today. He asked me to write the intro for Clive Barker's new book Candle in the Clouds, to be published by Bad Moon Books tbd. I'm struggling to manage my gushing fan boyishness. I can't wait. For those of you who don't know, Clive is my absolute favorite author. I paid Roy back by asking the girl behind the counter if she recognized Roy, then backed off by saying that she probably didn't watch those sorts of movies. Then I did introduce Roy as a celebrity, better known as the Costa Mesa Machine-- Big pornstar from the 1970s who now runs PornStars for Jesus, a 501.3c non-profit. I thought Liz was going to faint.

Now Yvonne just hit me with a pillow.
..

....

......

Ouch.

....

Gotta run and chase down the wife.

Laters.

Weston's WHC Schedule and Convention Primer

Weston's World Horror Convention Schedule

Friday
10 AM Reading City of Joy in Robertson
2 PM Dark Regions Press (Dealers Room)
3 PM It Was A Dark and Stormy Night in Dezavala
Saturday
2 PM Dark Regions Press (Dealers Room)
7 PM Mass Signing
Sunday
11AM Dark Regions Press Reading


~ ~ ~ ~ ~

THE MOST SECRET AND MYSTERIOUS DAVINCI CODE OF CONVENTION NETWORKING
By Weston Ochse

(Originally published in Storytellers Unplugged)


Why go to writer's conventions?

Is it the free beer? Is it the free liquor? Or is it an attempt to deplete the vast reservoir of stale chips commonly found at parties at 3 A.M.? Or is a convention merely a reason to get out from behind your computer to interact with humans rather than emoticons?

I say it's all the above, but most importantly, conventions are a writer's vehicle for networking. I recently attended the World Horror Convention in San Francisco where all manner of writers, fans, editors, publishers, artists and actors were in attendance. Conventions of this ilk are the pinnacle of networking and allow writers such as myself networking opportunities that don't normally exist. The problem is that I don't always take advantage of all opportunities presented me. Together, using four situations that occurred during the World Horror Convention, let's see if I succeeded in networking.



SITUATION 1. Me and fellow authors Chris Golden, Ed Lee, James Moore and Yvonne Navarro (frequently referred to as my wife) decide that Friday was a brilliant day to take a few hours off from the convention and trek to Fisherman's Wharf. Chris and Jim leave early, hiking over the San Francisco hills. Yvonne, Ed Lee and I arrive a little later by taxi. We talk over an amazing seafood dinner, tour the wharf, then decide to forego a taxi and walk back to the hotel—at least 20 blocks over some serious hills. Picture this if you will…me happily singing Army cadence with Chris snapping jokes, Jim trying to get his knee to work like they had when he was twenty and Lee inventing curses as he flips me off, the latter of which I have a video of that I will post when I return from Miami.
Pissed Off Ed Lee
The hills get longer, the curses get louder and the knee gets worse. I'm still screaming cadence—
Up the hill,
No sweat.
Ain't shit,
Better yet.

My zest for the challenge gets the better of me as I scream louder and louder. At first Lee enjoys it, recalling memories of his own Army days, but the more I call cadence, the more he begins to hate me. Yvonne soon begins to give me looks only a wife can give, but I ignore them. The only one unfazed is Chris who's busy joyously making smart remarks about all of us as he stomps forward. I race ahead of everyone up an impossible incline, ignoring the pain in my quads, belting cadence at the top of my lungs. When I get to the top of that hill, I spin and begin filming. I forget who I am. I forget where I am. I begin filming, feeling like Francis Ford Coppola directing Apocalypse Now San Francisco Redux, screams escaping from my mouth as I get whacked out into it—
Your sister does it
Piece of cake.
Your momma does it,
For God's sake.

Lee flips me off again. Jim groans but keeps moving. Yvonne's glare bores into me. Chris continues to chide. And me, I scream—

You can do it,
Or I'm gonna kill.
Get your ass,
Up the hill!

So rate this networking experience. How'd I do? Think I helped my career?

SITUATION 2. Many of you know that for the third year in a row, I've been in charge of the Gross Out Contest Bouncers. We don't really break shins, but we are the judge's props placed amid the chaos of the contest to create fear and uncertainty about the safety of the Gross Out contestant. This year was no exception. We had a terrific crew—Jim Moore, Drew Williams, Nick Cook, Minh, Steven Shrewsberry, John Hay and myself. Contestants fled before us. Audience members huddled in fear. Everything was great with the world.

Then John Pelan convinces the actor Bill Mosely to do a cold read of Goon as a spontaneous addition to the contest. I saw House of 1000 Corpses. I saw The Devils Rejects. And I was in awe. But I wasn't going to let that awe interfere with my job. Before Mr. Billy Badass Mosely took the mike, I grab it from him and proclaim to the universe my duty as a bouncer, saying You better entertain and gross us out Mr. Mosely or else I'll rip that mike from your fucking hands and kick you off our stage just like I'd do to all the other poor motherfuckers.
Bouncing the Gross Out Contest
The crowd roars for a moment and I am god! Bill Mosely gives me the look he gave the old woman at the beginning of Devil's Rejects right before he kills her.

So rate this networking experience. How'd I do? Think I helped my career?

SITUATION 3. It wasn't but a few minutes later that the next situation occurs. After Bill Mosely read, the judges had finished their deliberation and Brian Keene grabbed the first Asian in the room to help him count the hanging chads, Rain Graves asked the bouncers to stall. Several bad jokes later, and the crowd getting ugly, John Pelan speaks up from his place at the table. Weston, he says. Show us your tits and I'll give you a contract. My head twists and my jaw drops into the expression made famous on Looney Tunes for What the fuck did he just say? I knew he was talking about publishing a story I'd submitted to him for the next Darkside Anthology, but what the hell was this need to show my body parts to a ballroom filled with people.

Several thoughts ran through my head—
Why does John Pelan want to see my tits?
How badly do I want to be in the Darkside Anthology?
Why does John Pelan want to see my tits?
Will I respect myself in the morning?
Will my wife respect me in the morning?
Why does John Pelan want to see my tits?

Me and Bill MoselyI hesitate for a full minute, the crowd cheering me on, John cajoling from the stage, my wife waiting to see what I'd do. Finally, I make my decision. I grab the microphone and say, You all heard it. You are my witnesses. Consider this a verbal contract.

And I did it. I showed my tits to the world, one at a time, side shots, until the whole audience howled.

So rate this networking experience. How'd I do? Think I helped my career?

SITUATION 4. Peter Straub is an icon. He is the most accessible 'most successful' writer out there. Since 2002, we've been on a first name basis, something that continually blows my mind because of the great respect I have for the man and his accomplishments. Every convention, I make a point of spending a few minutes with Peter. Not because I'm sucking up. Not because I want anything from him. None of the reasons you're thinking of. I speak with him because I genuinely like him. I think he's one hell of a guy.

Sunday afternoon, near the end of the convention, Peter sat down beside me and we chatted for a few moments. We didn't talk about the craft. We didn't talk about anything of great import. The world was safe from our speculation. We just asked about each other, talking about his health, my dog, and other things personal and private. It didn't last more than a few moments, then he went his way, and I went mine.

So rate this networking experience. How'd I do? Think I helped my career?

There you have it-- four situations where I was able to network with fellow writers. Did I help my career? Let's see the results.

SITUATION 1. Ed Lee sent a restraining order. Jim Moore sent his hospital bill. My wife is pissed. Chris Golden loved the whole thing. And my voice is hoarse from all the screaming.
SITUATION 2. Bill Mosely promised me later that if I ever set foot in Hollywood, he'd introduce me to the real cast of Devil's Rejects and eat my spleen for lunch.
SITUATION 3. A warrant is out for my arrest for lewd and lascivious acts.
SITUATION 4. This seems to be the only thing I did where bodily harm wasn't promised me.

What do we learn from this? Tone it down? The road to success is paved with calm and collected stones? Even with Peter, I didn't help my career; I was just a friend talking to a friend. Maybe I'm in the wrong business. Maybe I just don't understand what it takes to successfully network. Or maybe, just maybe, networking at conventions is an unconscious process we undertake that requires nothing more than us being ourselves. Some people try too hard and you can see it. Some people become stalkers instead of friends. Some people use their ego as a shield keeping everyone of less worth at bay. I'm glad to say that in my circle of friends, this isn't the case.

And in the end, as I sit here in Miami nearly a week after the convention Ed Lee, Jim Moore, Chris Golden and my wife have fond memories of our Bataan Death March across the city. Bill Mosely told me how much fun he had. Every other author was jealous of me, admitting that tit-showing would be a small price to pay for being in the anthology. And Peter is still my friend.

There is no Davinci Code of Secret Cabal Networking. There are no secret handshakes, or mysterious meetings in room 312. There are no passwords or He-man-woman-hater-high signs. There are no satanic rites to success. If anything I did WHC weekend helped my career it was by being myself and by writing well. All else was osmosis.

Multiplex Fandango Book Trailer

I black mailed you and asked you to join my newsletter and you came through. The least I can do is present my book trailer.






Pass it on if you like it.