Weston Ochse's Blog, page 34
June 16, 2012
Hollywood Titles and Two Act Movies -- Erg!!!
I'm not hard to please. Give me a decent plot, good actors, and a director who knows what he or she is doing and I'll be happy. Like the rest of the universe, I want a three act structure, or modified for seven acts-- either way, think of it as a good beginning, middle, and end. So when Yvonne and I sat down last night to watch two movies, the one I thought was going to be the best left us groaning.
What'd we see? Chronicle and The Grey.
---SPOILERS--
Chronicle was a much better movie than I thought it was going to be. Although even a blind pygmy could tell the abused boy was going to become a supervillian, you sort of rooted for him in a cringing, Carrie sort of way. My only problem with this flick was the title. Did they pick some random word like the Korean kids are doing with T-shirts? Chronicle? Really? For all I knew, it could have been the life and times of Edward R Murrow.
We had the same problem with the revenge-flick Faster, starring The Rock. It says nothing at all about the movie. Personally, I like both of these a lot, but feel that Hollywood messed up in the naming of them. How do they do this? A focus group? A dart board? A talking dog? "Look, Mr. Scott, the dog said Prometheus."
Chronicle? How about Supervillian? It's not like we didn't know what was going to happen by the fifth minute of the movie.
Faster? How about simply Vengeance! I mean, come on. This isn't rocket science.
Titles not withstanding, at least those movies had an ending. At least they had three acts.
The Grey is nothing more than a frigid Lady in the Water. Neither of them had a third act.
What happened? Did they run out of money? Did the snow machines break? Did the animatronic wolves demand a raise for poor working conditions?
Or did the director, in an artsy snap-your-fingers-in-a-jazz-club moment, say, this is the perfect ending because it represents the universal fight between man and nature. ::snap snap::
Puh-leeese.
Just give us a fucking ending. Don't have the alpha wolf and Liam Neeson face off and then cut to credits. That's such a cop out.
If you wanted to make that comparison, the better ending would have been to have them chased over a rise, only to discover there's a town there, with lights, and vibrance, etc. Then, later, when Liam is having a drink on the porch, reconsidering the value of life, which he learned during the chase, the alpha walks down main street and snatches him off the porch and pulls him back into the wilderness.
That's a much better ending.
Hell? I could think of better endings all day long. In fact, I'm going to power up my animatronic Elvis and we're going to make a list and send it, Care of GOOD FUCKING MOVIES, HOLLYWOOD, CA
Screw a talking dog. I have Elvis!
What'd we see? Chronicle and The Grey.
---SPOILERS--
Chronicle was a much better movie than I thought it was going to be. Although even a blind pygmy could tell the abused boy was going to become a supervillian, you sort of rooted for him in a cringing, Carrie sort of way. My only problem with this flick was the title. Did they pick some random word like the Korean kids are doing with T-shirts? Chronicle? Really? For all I knew, it could have been the life and times of Edward R Murrow.
We had the same problem with the revenge-flick Faster, starring The Rock. It says nothing at all about the movie. Personally, I like both of these a lot, but feel that Hollywood messed up in the naming of them. How do they do this? A focus group? A dart board? A talking dog? "Look, Mr. Scott, the dog said Prometheus."
Chronicle? How about Supervillian? It's not like we didn't know what was going to happen by the fifth minute of the movie.
Faster? How about simply Vengeance! I mean, come on. This isn't rocket science.
Titles not withstanding, at least those movies had an ending. At least they had three acts.
The Grey is nothing more than a frigid Lady in the Water. Neither of them had a third act.
What happened? Did they run out of money? Did the snow machines break? Did the animatronic wolves demand a raise for poor working conditions?
Or did the director, in an artsy snap-your-fingers-in-a-jazz-club moment, say, this is the perfect ending because it represents the universal fight between man and nature. ::snap snap::Puh-leeese.
Just give us a fucking ending. Don't have the alpha wolf and Liam Neeson face off and then cut to credits. That's such a cop out.
If you wanted to make that comparison, the better ending would have been to have them chased over a rise, only to discover there's a town there, with lights, and vibrance, etc. Then, later, when Liam is having a drink on the porch, reconsidering the value of life, which he learned during the chase, the alpha walks down main street and snatches him off the porch and pulls him back into the wilderness.
That's a much better ending.
Hell? I could think of better endings all day long. In fact, I'm going to power up my animatronic Elvis and we're going to make a list and send it, Care of GOOD FUCKING MOVIES, HOLLYWOOD, CA
Screw a talking dog. I have Elvis!
June 11, 2012
What I've been reading...
Where I talk about Middlesex, The Romanian and Just a Geek...
I'd seen Middlesex for quite awhile. I was aware it had won the Pulitzer in 2002. I was also aware it was about androgeny, or intersex. And I also thought it took place in rural England. Although I play with words for a living, I thought the title had more to do with geography than a state of being. But during a recent book signing, while waiting for the hordes of fans to descend upon me, I happened upon a copy of this book and bought it. It was to be my first big summer reading book. And it wasn't at all a let down. In fact, it was terrific.
The writing reminded me of John Irving in both scope and style. Since I'm a huge John Irving fan, this was delightful. For two weeks, I read the history of the Greek family, their movement to America, their lives in Detroit, and the continuing saga of intersex.
This is a delightful novel. I see why it won the Pulitzer and am happy to have read it.
I picked up The Romanian at the bed and breakfast I stayed at in Valencia, Spain. It had a vivid cover, which initially drew me. On the heels of Middlesex, the subject matter was easily accessible. Basically, it's a (semi-autobiographical) docudrama about a male journalist who becomes emotionally and physically entangled with a Romanian street hustler. It's one of those odd books that I couldn't put down.
The author, Bruce Benderson, won the French literary Priz de Flore, as the only American to win this award designed to recognize youthful authors. It's a pretty frank book, but one that rings true. I highly recommend this one to those who enjoy reading about characters redefining themselves mid-life.
I've become a major Wil Wheaton fan since about mid-May. A nice and pleasant guy, he's the sort I'd hang with if I lived in the same town. I enjoy watching his episodes of Tabletop. I follow his doings occasionally on Twitter. I was even able to say hi to him a few times recently at Phoenix Comicon.
While I was there, I first tried to pick up a copy of this book from The Poisoned Pen, but by the time I got there they were sold out. Then I tried to get a copy from Wil, but I just couldn't make it, because of my own schedule. I was on nine panels...count 'em... NINE.
Anyway, I appreciated his frank (second use in this blog) and honest approach to this book. Some of the insights into TV and Movie land were terrific, as were the behind the scenes with Trekkies. I found myself laughing aloud on several occasions. Yeah. This was a terrific book.
So that's what I've been reading these past few weeks.
What have you been reading?
Have you read these yet? What are your thougts?
I'd seen Middlesex for quite awhile. I was aware it had won the Pulitzer in 2002. I was also aware it was about androgeny, or intersex. And I also thought it took place in rural England. Although I play with words for a living, I thought the title had more to do with geography than a state of being. But during a recent book signing, while waiting for the hordes of fans to descend upon me, I happened upon a copy of this book and bought it. It was to be my first big summer reading book. And it wasn't at all a let down. In fact, it was terrific.The writing reminded me of John Irving in both scope and style. Since I'm a huge John Irving fan, this was delightful. For two weeks, I read the history of the Greek family, their movement to America, their lives in Detroit, and the continuing saga of intersex.
This is a delightful novel. I see why it won the Pulitzer and am happy to have read it.
I picked up The Romanian at the bed and breakfast I stayed at in Valencia, Spain. It had a vivid cover, which initially drew me. On the heels of Middlesex, the subject matter was easily accessible. Basically, it's a (semi-autobiographical) docudrama about a male journalist who becomes emotionally and physically entangled with a Romanian street hustler. It's one of those odd books that I couldn't put down.The author, Bruce Benderson, won the French literary Priz de Flore, as the only American to win this award designed to recognize youthful authors. It's a pretty frank book, but one that rings true. I highly recommend this one to those who enjoy reading about characters redefining themselves mid-life.
I've become a major Wil Wheaton fan since about mid-May. A nice and pleasant guy, he's the sort I'd hang with if I lived in the same town. I enjoy watching his episodes of Tabletop. I follow his doings occasionally on Twitter. I was even able to say hi to him a few times recently at Phoenix Comicon.While I was there, I first tried to pick up a copy of this book from The Poisoned Pen, but by the time I got there they were sold out. Then I tried to get a copy from Wil, but I just couldn't make it, because of my own schedule. I was on nine panels...count 'em... NINE.
Anyway, I appreciated his frank (second use in this blog) and honest approach to this book. Some of the insights into TV and Movie land were terrific, as were the behind the scenes with Trekkies. I found myself laughing aloud on several occasions. Yeah. This was a terrific book.
So that's what I've been reading these past few weeks.
What have you been reading?
Have you read these yet? What are your thougts?
June 9, 2012
On Teaching Writing
Talking with Michael Stackpole at Phoenix Comicon, I realized I was missing an opportunity.
You see, I like to teach. I've taught for a number of years at various military schools. I have a Master of Fine Arts so I conceivably have the creds to teach anywhere. I've even taught an online workshop called the Guerrilla Fiction Writing Workshop (GFWW). Both times I taught it, I had a full house and it was loads of fun. But as I lamented to Mike that I missed teaching, I looked over and saw -- low and behold -- various and sundry CD courses he was selling at his table. 21 Days to a Novel. The Secrets to Writing Fiction. And others. These were courses he'd taught-- is still teaching -- but are also being sold as CD classes, and as it turns out, online. In fact, he was teaching the class at the convention for some nice change.
Just as my friend Mort Castle does at conventions.
And Brian Keene.
And others.
You know, I can see something, but not really see it.
So I'm trying something. I'm seeing if my $99 class can sell for $9.99. GFWW is a pretty innovative approach to writing fiction, using screenwriting techniques and applying them to the preparation and writing of, in this case, a short story.
Here's the link to the class- Guerrilla Fiction Writing Workshop (Guerrilla Fiction Writing Series)
Note that if you have Amazon Prime it's free for a short period of time. Nothing beats free. Do me a favor. If you do take advantage of the free sharing, please review it and or 'like' it.
This is a work in progress. I'm not super pleased with the way mobi skewed the internal formats. I'm still tweaking those. Hell, there's so much I don't know. All I do know is that I want to share. I want to teach.
I've already finished a class on Grammar.
I'm also working on a class on texturing the short story.
Next year I've been invited to teach a class at Comiccon next year. Hopefully I'll be back from Afghanistan in time to make it, because it's something I'd definitely like to do.
NOTE: I've since gone back and corrected much of the format errors. This should be a much cleaner version.
You see, I like to teach. I've taught for a number of years at various military schools. I have a Master of Fine Arts so I conceivably have the creds to teach anywhere. I've even taught an online workshop called the Guerrilla Fiction Writing Workshop (GFWW). Both times I taught it, I had a full house and it was loads of fun. But as I lamented to Mike that I missed teaching, I looked over and saw -- low and behold -- various and sundry CD courses he was selling at his table. 21 Days to a Novel. The Secrets to Writing Fiction. And others. These were courses he'd taught-- is still teaching -- but are also being sold as CD classes, and as it turns out, online. In fact, he was teaching the class at the convention for some nice change.
Just as my friend Mort Castle does at conventions.
And Brian Keene.
And others.
You know, I can see something, but not really see it.
So I'm trying something. I'm seeing if my $99 class can sell for $9.99. GFWW is a pretty innovative approach to writing fiction, using screenwriting techniques and applying them to the preparation and writing of, in this case, a short story.
Here's the link to the class- Guerrilla Fiction Writing Workshop (Guerrilla Fiction Writing Series)
Note that if you have Amazon Prime it's free for a short period of time. Nothing beats free. Do me a favor. If you do take advantage of the free sharing, please review it and or 'like' it.This is a work in progress. I'm not super pleased with the way mobi skewed the internal formats. I'm still tweaking those. Hell, there's so much I don't know. All I do know is that I want to share. I want to teach.
I've already finished a class on Grammar.
I'm also working on a class on texturing the short story.
Next year I've been invited to teach a class at Comiccon next year. Hopefully I'll be back from Afghanistan in time to make it, because it's something I'd definitely like to do.
NOTE: I've since gone back and corrected much of the format errors. This should be a much cleaner version.
June 4, 2012
Pain... The Final Frontier
So my wife and I got into an argument last night.
In the end, it's not about the argument, but rather what precipitated it.
But for those of you who shop at Walmart and who watch WWE, I'll share with you the highlights.
It goes back when I was in Kindergarten... the first time. I used to get hurt all the time. And when I got hurt, the other kids would laugh. Ever get hurt and have someone laugh at you? It makes you mad, right? If I knew the glory of Samuel L. Jackson cursing when I was five, I would have slaughtered them with my verbiage. But I was four. And I was in pain. So I reacted angrily... sometimes violently.
Fast forward to last night. We bought a new house with a double-thick pad and a high-end, thick carpet. It was glorious until about three weeks ago. Two words -- static electricity. Not your everyday static electricity, but three inch sparks shooting from every surface to my skin. I can't even walk through a doorway on the second floor without all the hairs on my arms standing at attention. No I've been shocked before, but that's just an ooh. These are all OWs or even SHITS! Walking from my office to Yvonne's office, which can be only a matter of thirty feet, I commonly get shocked three times... and not even touching anything.
So late last night, after the zombies were heading towards the wall and the Game of Thrones season two ended, Yvonne wanted to know why I was crabby.
And I was crabby.
I attributed it to the shocks.
She tried to act like it was a normal thing.
I differed substantially. Even when she tried to say it shocked her the same way. The fact is it didn't. But my wife is feeling considerable pain. And that was the real reason I was crabby. You see, my wife is hurting and there's nothing I can do about it. She's actually in severe pain. Any of you who saw her at Comicon can vouch for how badly she was hobbling around. My wife, you see, has no more cartilage in her right hip. She's going to have to get it replaced. Until then, her hip and knee is causing her severe pain, to the point that she sits on the couch and gasps.
And here I am being crabby about it.
I know. The thing is I can't help her. I can't fix it. I can't toss her over my shoulder and carry her from place to place, even though I've tried.
What irony! I want to help her because she'd in pain, but end up giving her emotional pain.
I really need to work on being patient and understanding.
This really never was about getting shocked, although I'd love to fix that. It's about Yvonne and mitigating her pain and being there for her and understanding her pain until she has surgery... and then it'll be another hill to climb.
I need to step up my game. If I can write about understanding characters, I need to be able to play one.
I reacted like I had when I was in kindergarten. That was forty-two years ago. You'd think I could have learned something in the intervening years.
This isn't about me. It's about my wife and she needs me.
May 31, 2012
My Comiccon Catharsis
It wasn't like a face palm followed by a 'doh!'
It wasn't the clouds opening up and a ray of light shining on me as a chorus sang somewhere out of view.
It was a lot more subtle than that.
It just sort of dawned on me as I sat in the Brick restaurant on Saturday night, having dinner with Jeff and David Marriotte, Jordan Summers, and my wife, when Wil Wheaton came in and David gave him a hug.
What is it? you ask.
Hold on. I'll get there.
Some real highlight moments from Phoenix Comiccon 2012 were having drinks with Ed and Matt Asner, meeting comic artist Billy Tucci, spending quality time with Joe Lansdale, learning from my Jedi Master, Mike Stackpole, shaking hands and spending a moment with Wil Wheaton, seeing old friends, panelling, and just watching the costumes go by.
I mean this was almost too much sensory input.
What was also nice was that my father, my nephew, and his friend were able to come up and share in the experience. Not only were they able to partake in the visual feast of the con, but they were able to see the reunion of most of the cast of Star Trek the Next Generation.
I saw quite a few stars as they sat signing, but I didn't bother them. I had my own business and my own fans to contend with.
On second thought, maybe my catharsis happened when I was on a panel with Janni Lee Simner. We were talking about Dystopian and post/pre-apocalyptic themes in fiction and were agreeing with each other more often than not. It was one of those terrific panels where, although I had no idea what I was going to say, I ended up entertaining and partner-teaching with Janni, so that by the end, people came up telling us it was the best panel they'd attended.
You know, I've been hungry for success for a long time. I want to be great. I want to be top shelf. I want to be read, people to love me, and to be as cool as Samuel L. Jackson. But I think somewhere along the way I forgot that one can attain this while being a nice person too.
Maybe I've been too aggressive.
Who me? Mister Army Man? BTAM his own badself? Aggressive?
I mean, I am a nice person. Anyone who knows me knows that. Sometimes I just don't feel as nice as the next guy. Is it that warrior spirit leaking forth? Is it all the KILL KILL KILL training I've had over the years?
Don't hate me because I'm deadly.
But seriously.
I want to be nice like Mike Stackpole and dispense good advice.
I want to be nice like Ed Asner and his son, Matt, who's a spokesman for autism.
I want to be nice like Jordan Summers, who opens her heart to recently found friends.
I want to be nice like James A. Owen, who's eager to share how to both write and draw.
I want to be nice like the Marriottes, David and Jeff (and M.E.), who are just damn nice.
I want to be nice like Janni Lee Simner, who can't possible have a mean corpuscle in her body.
I want to be nice like Wil Wheaton, who seems to me like a terribly nice guy, who bends over backwards to be extra nice.
I just want to be nice.
Leo Derocher coined the famous aphorism back in 1939, Nice Guys Finish Last.
Bullcrappity.
I don't buy it.
All those nice guys I mentioned above are doing quite well for themselves.
Leo Derocher can go suck my -- wait! I'm a nice guy, now. At least let me try and be nice for an entire blog.
And if I can make it through this blog, then maybe I can be nice a while longer.
I know what you're saying. You're nice, Wes. Don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe nice isn't the word I'm looking for. Maybe it's something else. I just don't know. All I do know is that I'm going to approach life from here on in a little differently. All those nice people I mentioned above? I'm going to try and be nice like them.
Because in this world, it's possible for nice guys to finish first (and gals too).
And now some costumes for your viewing pleasure...
The rest of the pictures can be found here -- there's 305 of them.
Phoenix Comiccon 2012
It wasn't the clouds opening up and a ray of light shining on me as a chorus sang somewhere out of view.
It was a lot more subtle than that.
It just sort of dawned on me as I sat in the Brick restaurant on Saturday night, having dinner with Jeff and David Marriotte, Jordan Summers, and my wife, when Wil Wheaton came in and David gave him a hug.
What is it? you ask.
Hold on. I'll get there.
Some real highlight moments from Phoenix Comiccon 2012 were having drinks with Ed and Matt Asner, meeting comic artist Billy Tucci, spending quality time with Joe Lansdale, learning from my Jedi Master, Mike Stackpole, shaking hands and spending a moment with Wil Wheaton, seeing old friends, panelling, and just watching the costumes go by.
I mean this was almost too much sensory input.
What was also nice was that my father, my nephew, and his friend were able to come up and share in the experience. Not only were they able to partake in the visual feast of the con, but they were able to see the reunion of most of the cast of Star Trek the Next Generation.
I saw quite a few stars as they sat signing, but I didn't bother them. I had my own business and my own fans to contend with.
On second thought, maybe my catharsis happened when I was on a panel with Janni Lee Simner. We were talking about Dystopian and post/pre-apocalyptic themes in fiction and were agreeing with each other more often than not. It was one of those terrific panels where, although I had no idea what I was going to say, I ended up entertaining and partner-teaching with Janni, so that by the end, people came up telling us it was the best panel they'd attended.
You know, I've been hungry for success for a long time. I want to be great. I want to be top shelf. I want to be read, people to love me, and to be as cool as Samuel L. Jackson. But I think somewhere along the way I forgot that one can attain this while being a nice person too.
Maybe I've been too aggressive.
Who me? Mister Army Man? BTAM his own badself? Aggressive?
I mean, I am a nice person. Anyone who knows me knows that. Sometimes I just don't feel as nice as the next guy. Is it that warrior spirit leaking forth? Is it all the KILL KILL KILL training I've had over the years?
Don't hate me because I'm deadly.
But seriously.
I want to be nice like Mike Stackpole and dispense good advice.
I want to be nice like Ed Asner and his son, Matt, who's a spokesman for autism.
I want to be nice like Jordan Summers, who opens her heart to recently found friends.
I want to be nice like James A. Owen, who's eager to share how to both write and draw.
I want to be nice like the Marriottes, David and Jeff (and M.E.), who are just damn nice.
I want to be nice like Janni Lee Simner, who can't possible have a mean corpuscle in her body.
I want to be nice like Wil Wheaton, who seems to me like a terribly nice guy, who bends over backwards to be extra nice.
I just want to be nice.
Leo Derocher coined the famous aphorism back in 1939, Nice Guys Finish Last.
Bullcrappity.
I don't buy it.
All those nice guys I mentioned above are doing quite well for themselves.
Leo Derocher can go suck my -- wait! I'm a nice guy, now. At least let me try and be nice for an entire blog.
And if I can make it through this blog, then maybe I can be nice a while longer.
I know what you're saying. You're nice, Wes. Don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe nice isn't the word I'm looking for. Maybe it's something else. I just don't know. All I do know is that I'm going to approach life from here on in a little differently. All those nice people I mentioned above? I'm going to try and be nice like them.
Because in this world, it's possible for nice guys to finish first (and gals too).
And now some costumes for your viewing pleasure...
The rest of the pictures can be found here -- there's 305 of them.
Phoenix Comiccon 2012
May 17, 2012
Viral Video Procrastination - A Writer's Dilemma
There's no end to the extent writers will go to not to write. The internet is at once the best and worst thing that ever happened to the daily life of an author. Forget the porn. Forget eBay. Even forget Facebook for a moment. None of them holds a candle to the power of viral videos. Here I share my five favorite, most often visited and absolutely ridiculous viral videos I can't not watch. Note that these aren't videos of people getting hurt. I can't watch those. These are just funny-stupid things that I enjoy watching when I'm not writing.
In fact, I'm supposed be writing this moment, but instead, I'm writing about not writing... now that's procrastination.
In no particular order...
I'm a Wizard! This is the newest one. There are several parts to this, but this one represents perhaps the best of it. When the girl, who is just so damned happily stoned, discovers that she's a wizard from Hogwarts, the look on her face is just perfect. I think this has less than 100,000 views, so perhaps it's pre-viral.
Odd German Girl Lip Sinking. I kind of feel like a perv when I watch this, but I don't watch because they're hot or cute or whatever. I watch because some weird part of me can't stop. Their names are Lynne and Tessa and they have a whole bunch of lip sincing videos. I don't watch them... just this one. I know. Lock your doors, I'm weird. On an interesting note, here's a video called The Rise and Fall of Lynne and Tessa which tells their story. Yeah. I watched it too. A couple of times.
Sitting on the Toilet. Now this one really disturbs me. I blame my friend Eunice... or was it Rain. Jesus God this is just a horrific video that I can't stop watching. You'll just have to see for yourself. It's only a 43 second video, but if you make it all the way through, you'll feel like it was hours. And oh yeah. If you watch it, that means you have joined me and 61,366,056 of my closest friends who have also watched it. How's that for a club.
Chocolate Rain. I know you've heard and seen this one. It's just so damn weird and cool at the same time. Note that this has over 79 million views.
The Mack Daddy of the All. And last but not least, Numa Numa. This has been seen over 700 million times, has been parodied by South Park and Spongebob, and has been voted as number one viral video by VH1. I have mixed feelings about this. One one hand, I love that the kid is just getting off and synching like mad. But on the other, I always glance at my web camera embedded in my monitor and wonder... are you really on? Is someone watching me?
Watch and enjoy.
But wait... aren't you supposed to be writing?
I know, right? Welcome to the procrastination zone.
In fact, I'm supposed be writing this moment, but instead, I'm writing about not writing... now that's procrastination.
In no particular order...
I'm a Wizard! This is the newest one. There are several parts to this, but this one represents perhaps the best of it. When the girl, who is just so damned happily stoned, discovers that she's a wizard from Hogwarts, the look on her face is just perfect. I think this has less than 100,000 views, so perhaps it's pre-viral.
Odd German Girl Lip Sinking. I kind of feel like a perv when I watch this, but I don't watch because they're hot or cute or whatever. I watch because some weird part of me can't stop. Their names are Lynne and Tessa and they have a whole bunch of lip sincing videos. I don't watch them... just this one. I know. Lock your doors, I'm weird. On an interesting note, here's a video called The Rise and Fall of Lynne and Tessa which tells their story. Yeah. I watched it too. A couple of times.
Sitting on the Toilet. Now this one really disturbs me. I blame my friend Eunice... or was it Rain. Jesus God this is just a horrific video that I can't stop watching. You'll just have to see for yourself. It's only a 43 second video, but if you make it all the way through, you'll feel like it was hours. And oh yeah. If you watch it, that means you have joined me and 61,366,056 of my closest friends who have also watched it. How's that for a club.
Chocolate Rain. I know you've heard and seen this one. It's just so damn weird and cool at the same time. Note that this has over 79 million views.
The Mack Daddy of the All. And last but not least, Numa Numa. This has been seen over 700 million times, has been parodied by South Park and Spongebob, and has been voted as number one viral video by VH1. I have mixed feelings about this. One one hand, I love that the kid is just getting off and synching like mad. But on the other, I always glance at my web camera embedded in my monitor and wonder... are you really on? Is someone watching me?
Watch and enjoy.
But wait... aren't you supposed to be writing?
I know, right? Welcome to the procrastination zone.
May 16, 2012
No Such Thing as Saturation - eBook Logic
The pre-eminent John Scalzi tweeted a link to an article about writing (because that's what he does) that got me thinking about how eBooks are more of a game changer than I thought they were. For a long time, I've considered eBooks as nothing more than an electronic version of a book. Digital vs textual. Not something that can be grasped by the hand, but something that can be grasped by the mind. But my idea of it was akin to someone looking at a picture of Earth and calling it a circle. By doing so, they miss all the three dimensionality, the fourth dimension of time, and the things scrabbling for existence beneath the layers of polluted clouds.
I recently bought a Kindle Fire and love it!Chris Meadows of TeleRead, quoting a NY Times article written by Julie Bosman said, “It used to be that once a year was a big deal,” said Lisa Scottoline, a best-selling author of thrillers. “You could saturate the market. But today the culture is a great big hungry maw, and you have to feed it.”
I grok the once a year book thing. I've tried to have them published faster and even established specialty press houses were afraid to saturate the market with a single author-- probably because they were a high end collector market. But the fact is, folks, there is no more such thing as market saturation when it comes to ebook publishing. Readers want to buy more books. When they find an author they like, they're much more apt to shop with their Kindle, Nook, or reader of choice and purchase something else the writer has written. I know because I've done it myself.
Having recently purchased a Kindle Fire, one of the things I did right away was add books to it. Some were free, some were impulse and some were ones that really snagged my attention. Nick Cole's Old Man and the Wasteland was one of my first purchases, not only because of the post apocalyptic and Hemingway themes, but also because it had 700 reviews. I wanted to purchase something else from the author, but he's too busy working in the opera in Southern California. I did recently see a book (recommended to me by the Amazon Bot) that I picked up. After a sample read, I immediately picked up the next two eBooks as well, just because they were so good. This is Michael J. Sullivan's first book of his trilogy, Theft of Swords. Even at the outrageous price of $9.99, which I spent three times, I bought these books. Not only are they badass and the perfectly updated homage to Fritz Leiber's Fafhard and the Gray Mouser books, but they were originally self-published through Amazon, then picked up by Orbit, so I had to see what all the hub-bub was about.
It’s not just publishers asking the writers to do more, the Chris Meadow's observation of the NY Time's article goes on to explain, but sometimes authors feel the need to keep busy themselves, just to make sure their name stays out there in the public eye. And since e-books are much more conducive to impulse-buying, having more titles available more often means they’re likely to sell more often to voracious readers who want to read anything they can get their hands on from their favorite authors.
Over the past year I've been publishing my back list with Crossroads Press, as well as an original novel. With one book published, I wasn't doing so well. With two books, also not so well. Now I have about six books with them and the money I receive every month is astonishing. It's certainly not Joe Konrath cash, but it's an income stream that was an impossibility only a few years ago.
Folks read my original eNovel Velvet Dogma and before they are halfway through, look at my inventory of books and buy one or several. We know because of the analytics and because I get emails from readers telling me this. In truth, the more books you have for sale the income increases exponentially. That is of course if the writing and the packaging is up to par--defined as whatever the reader/buyer believes the professional standard is, based on their own expectations. There are really bad books with hundreds of reviews and really good books with very few.
I've discovered that packaging is almost everything. You'll note the cover of Velvet Dogma. It was my first eBook cover. I bought the art from Danielle Tunstall for what I consider a substantial sum and read everything I could get my eyes on about eBook covers. The book cover won an award, citing the movement of the art, the white space in the framing, and the large enough letters to read when it's a thumbnail. I've since created two more covers: one for Blaze of Glory and the other for Butterfly Winter. And the best thing about it is that Velvet Dogma has already earned me as much money as a standard Leisure Books (formerly of Kensington Books) advance.
In fact, Butterfly Winter is a prime example about packaging. Look at this original cover. Frankly, I don't know what I was thinking. What sort of book do you think this is? Would you believe it's a military thriller? Stop laughing. I know. What WAS I thinking. Cute girl, but there's nothing military or thriller about it. So here's the new cover I've created using creative commons-licensed images and photoshop. We're going to do a relaunch soon and my bet is that this will sell as many copies in the first two weeks as it sold all last year -- 50. Packaging. Everyone who has read Butterfly Winter has emailed me (okay, most everyone). They love it, but it was not what they expected from the cover. At least half of the emails said that the ebook made them cry. So there's no argument that the writing is there and that the story is there, it was all about the packaging. Gonna fix that. Gonna give them what they want.
And the thing I never anticipated was that I'd be spurred to write more. Readers want more so I have to write more. This is a funny thing. The model used to be that writers wrote, submitted through an agent, and got a book deal, then the publication would slow roll for a year. That still exists. In fact, I do it. I still have my agent selling novels for me. My big book deal with St. Martin's Press is still working. And I write the occasional short story that I send out to markets in the hopes they'll be published. But no longer are those my only options. Now I have a choice, especially, it appears, with short fiction.
Here's what Chris Meadows said about the possibility of short fiction success in eReaders: The difference is that previously they were limited to the available markets for short stories—mostly magazines such as Fantasy & Science Fiction for, well, fantasy and science fiction, or Ellery Queen for mystery. And those could only take a few stories per month, and pay has gotten steadily worse as the market for short story magazines declined. But now the stigma against selling short stories or novellas individually has lessened since e-book sales aren’t constrained by format limitations of physical books, so writers can self-publish short stories on-line inexpensively (and more frequently than entire books).
Blaze of Glory is a short novel at 50K. Butterfly Winter is a novella. I'm going to package several themed stories together and sell them, in addition to several stand alone novellas. I'll send them to my eBook publisher, Crossroads Press, with excellent packaging and competitive pricing, they'll do well, you know why? Because people out there are looking for more Weston Ochse books to read.
The least I can do is provide them what they want.
I recently bought a Kindle Fire and love it!Chris Meadows of TeleRead, quoting a NY Times article written by Julie Bosman said, “It used to be that once a year was a big deal,” said Lisa Scottoline, a best-selling author of thrillers. “You could saturate the market. But today the culture is a great big hungry maw, and you have to feed it.”I grok the once a year book thing. I've tried to have them published faster and even established specialty press houses were afraid to saturate the market with a single author-- probably because they were a high end collector market. But the fact is, folks, there is no more such thing as market saturation when it comes to ebook publishing. Readers want to buy more books. When they find an author they like, they're much more apt to shop with their Kindle, Nook, or reader of choice and purchase something else the writer has written. I know because I've done it myself.
Having recently purchased a Kindle Fire, one of the things I did right away was add books to it. Some were free, some were impulse and some were ones that really snagged my attention. Nick Cole's Old Man and the Wasteland was one of my first purchases, not only because of the post apocalyptic and Hemingway themes, but also because it had 700 reviews. I wanted to purchase something else from the author, but he's too busy working in the opera in Southern California. I did recently see a book (recommended to me by the Amazon Bot) that I picked up. After a sample read, I immediately picked up the next two eBooks as well, just because they were so good. This is Michael J. Sullivan's first book of his trilogy, Theft of Swords. Even at the outrageous price of $9.99, which I spent three times, I bought these books. Not only are they badass and the perfectly updated homage to Fritz Leiber's Fafhard and the Gray Mouser books, but they were originally self-published through Amazon, then picked up by Orbit, so I had to see what all the hub-bub was about.
It’s not just publishers asking the writers to do more, the Chris Meadow's observation of the NY Time's article goes on to explain, but sometimes authors feel the need to keep busy themselves, just to make sure their name stays out there in the public eye. And since e-books are much more conducive to impulse-buying, having more titles available more often means they’re likely to sell more often to voracious readers who want to read anything they can get their hands on from their favorite authors.
Over the past year I've been publishing my back list with Crossroads Press, as well as an original novel. With one book published, I wasn't doing so well. With two books, also not so well. Now I have about six books with them and the money I receive every month is astonishing. It's certainly not Joe Konrath cash, but it's an income stream that was an impossibility only a few years ago.
Folks read my original eNovel Velvet Dogma and before they are halfway through, look at my inventory of books and buy one or several. We know because of the analytics and because I get emails from readers telling me this. In truth, the more books you have for sale the income increases exponentially. That is of course if the writing and the packaging is up to par--defined as whatever the reader/buyer believes the professional standard is, based on their own expectations. There are really bad books with hundreds of reviews and really good books with very few.
I've discovered that packaging is almost everything. You'll note the cover of Velvet Dogma. It was my first eBook cover. I bought the art from Danielle Tunstall for what I consider a substantial sum and read everything I could get my eyes on about eBook covers. The book cover won an award, citing the movement of the art, the white space in the framing, and the large enough letters to read when it's a thumbnail. I've since created two more covers: one for Blaze of Glory and the other for Butterfly Winter. And the best thing about it is that Velvet Dogma has already earned me as much money as a standard Leisure Books (formerly of Kensington Books) advance.
In fact, Butterfly Winter is a prime example about packaging. Look at this original cover. Frankly, I don't know what I was thinking. What sort of book do you think this is? Would you believe it's a military thriller? Stop laughing. I know. What WAS I thinking. Cute girl, but there's nothing military or thriller about it. So here's the new cover I've created using creative commons-licensed images and photoshop. We're going to do a relaunch soon and my bet is that this will sell as many copies in the first two weeks as it sold all last year -- 50. Packaging. Everyone who has read Butterfly Winter has emailed me (okay, most everyone). They love it, but it was not what they expected from the cover. At least half of the emails said that the ebook made them cry. So there's no argument that the writing is there and that the story is there, it was all about the packaging. Gonna fix that. Gonna give them what they want.
And the thing I never anticipated was that I'd be spurred to write more. Readers want more so I have to write more. This is a funny thing. The model used to be that writers wrote, submitted through an agent, and got a book deal, then the publication would slow roll for a year. That still exists. In fact, I do it. I still have my agent selling novels for me. My big book deal with St. Martin's Press is still working. And I write the occasional short story that I send out to markets in the hopes they'll be published. But no longer are those my only options. Now I have a choice, especially, it appears, with short fiction.
Here's what Chris Meadows said about the possibility of short fiction success in eReaders: The difference is that previously they were limited to the available markets for short stories—mostly magazines such as Fantasy & Science Fiction for, well, fantasy and science fiction, or Ellery Queen for mystery. And those could only take a few stories per month, and pay has gotten steadily worse as the market for short story magazines declined. But now the stigma against selling short stories or novellas individually has lessened since e-book sales aren’t constrained by format limitations of physical books, so writers can self-publish short stories on-line inexpensively (and more frequently than entire books).
Blaze of Glory is a short novel at 50K. Butterfly Winter is a novella. I'm going to package several themed stories together and sell them, in addition to several stand alone novellas. I'll send them to my eBook publisher, Crossroads Press, with excellent packaging and competitive pricing, they'll do well, you know why? Because people out there are looking for more Weston Ochse books to read.
The least I can do is provide them what they want.
May 12, 2012
Weston's eBook Primer
A quick point and click list of my eBooks for all you eBook-o-philiacs! You have all of these, right?
And some anthologies too!!
And some anthologies too!!
May 7, 2012
Valencia Vacation Days 3 - 6
Mercado Central Foo Foo Food. Nuns with Plastic Babies Mediterranean
The last few days have been a whirlwind of activity.
After the debacle that was the meal at Ocho Y Medio, we awoke the next morning and headed to the Mercado Central. This is an immense under-one-roof market open six days a week from 7 to 2 PM. When I mean immense, I mean it. As you can see in the pictures, this is one of the largest, not only in Spain, but the travel guides brag in Europe. We so no end of ham, fresh meat, dried and fresh fish, and vegetables. It was as overwhelming to he senses as it was welcoming. We negotiated the purchase of grapes, cherries and (of course) olives. Then we trundled back through the streets until we reached Moltto where we ate once more, drinking small sips of wine and sangria with tublouleh (best I ever had) and a Spanish square slice of pizza with iberico ham bacon and mushrooms. That night we didn't mess around. We went back to Las Fuecas. We had all different tapas. I especially enjoyed the sardines in viniger, while Yvonne wanted to curl up beside the stuffed avacado. The Rum Sausage (that's the thing on fire below) was a surprising delicacy. And by the sequence of pictures, you can see that Yvonne and I were greased into happiness with Agua Valencia, a concoction of organge juice and liquor that reminded me of the jungle joices I used to get hammered on at Paulie's Kettlehouse in Seoul.
(the next days after picture)
Dried Shark
Snails Anyone?
The next day was Yvonne's birthday. Matt and Kaola, our hosts at the B&B found a cake and we all celebrated with song and her embarrassment. She might have got some cards from me. It was all fun. Then we went shopping. Lots of fun going to different stores and buying gifts for people. Across from the old Silk Exchange, we spied a street artist. His drawings of the skylines of Valencia were amazing. We grabbed some for ourselves as well as for gifts. These are one of a kind. We made our way to Moltto again for lunch.
Then we went back to relax. Yvonne painted. I wrote, working on a new story called The Matador's Son, based on a man I saw. Later, we went to the upscale Asian-Spanish fusion restaurant Sue Xera. Everything was like it came from an episode of top chef. Cuveed pork with crispy skin, perfectly cooked scallop on squid ink foam, King prawns and much more. Yvonne wanted to sleep with the dessert. Luckily, she settled for me.
(the next day after pictures)
Birthday Cake
Matt doing a Danish jig for Yvonne
Interesting Wall Art
Surreal
Surreal X 2
This was Yvonne's dessert. She wanted ten of them.
Cuveed Pork with crispy skin. WOW!
King Prawn
Strawberry GaspachoToday we relaxed a little more. It was took chilly to go to the beach. We have that planned for tomorrow, along with Le Pepica. I spent the morning searching with success for a Flemenco venue. We'll see them tonight after an early dinner. That should be special.We ate lunch, did a little shopping, then came back and napped. We had to. Since 6 AM we'd been hearing bells and chanting and church services. And not just hearing bells. There's a flipping belfry not twenty yards from our window with at least six bells.
But the best part was the Plaza de la Virgin today. There were some traditional dancers. But there were also some protestors. One one side were some animal rights protestors and on the other were nuns with plastic babies. You have to understand. These nuns (I question their authenticity) had a huge banner. I know if I read the sign, I'd understand what it meant, but being unable to understand, the whole image of a nun holding a plastic baby by its leg and shouting at someone was too surreal.
Ahhh. The theater of human life. Love it.
(See the nun pictures above)
Today we went to the beach. It was the warmest day and we spent several hours on the Mediterranean. It was lovely. Then afterward, we ate at La Pepica, made famous by Hemingway. The paella was marvelous as was the view.
And yes. There were a lot of free swinging tatas. Bless every one of them.
But alas, sand got in the lens of our camera and now it won't open. So I am afraid, my friends, that this is possibly the last pictures you shall have.
Weston in Mediterranean
Yvonne getting her toes wet More pictures can be found here --
Valencia 2012
May 4, 2012
Valencia Vacation Day 2
Breakfast of Champions Arm of the Hermit Skull of St. Thomas Nappy Time Arctic Char Sammy Cruising the Old Town
Piece of Crap Dinner
Day two started much better than the first one began and ended. I awoke with a start at 0700, my body clock already telling me I’m late, which means it’s been reset in less than a day. It’s a gift I have. Thank you body.
After getting ready, I went into the main salon where there were over fifty items laid out for our breakfast. Many of them Dutch and English favorites, there was also Spanish ham and cheeses. And of course cava and orange juice, which makes great mimosas. We feasted for an hour and a half. If we do this every morning, we’ll kill ourselves, but maybe we’ll do it for just one more.
Then it was off to the Valencia Cathedral to see the Holy Grail, the Arm of the Hermit and the Skull of St. Thomas. It’s so hard to describe the absolute grandeur of the place. I’ll let the pictures do the describing for me.
Arm of the Hermit
Skull of St. Thomas and his bones beneath
According to the Roman Catholic church, this has been certified as the Holy GrainThen it was back for a little nappy time. Yvonne and I rested on an immense sofa as the sun poured heat onto us and soft music played in the background. Sigh.
Then at two it was lunch time. Yes folks. Lunch is normally from two to three here in Spain. We had a small pasta salad and two sandwiches. Yvonne’s was Spanish ham and cheese and mine was arctic char and boiled egg. Fab-you-less!
At that point we decided to walk off yet another meal. Two hours later we made it back to the Bed and Breakfast. Scott Marshall and Rosa Samuels will be glad to know that we bought shot glasses for their tequila habit.
Now it’s time to rest. No dinner until at least eight, maybe ten. I’m thinking possibly of Lobster Paella.
What?
INTERMISSION
This is why guns should be legal in Spain.
I feel used. I feel taken. I was tricked. As Samuel L. Jackson would say, "You motherfuckers!"
Ocho y Medio Restaurant. They once had a Michelin Star. Let me tell you folks, the tread has long fallen off that sad old tire.
Here's what I posted on Trip Advisor. I think it says it all--
Title: I Feel Taken and Used
I kept clicking for the option to give this restaurant no stars, but it isn't an option. Hey, Trip Advisor Gods. Please add that option. This place needs it.
So I'm in Valencia for a week eating special dinners (see my other reviews). I especially want to show my wife how much I love her through food. So when we saw this place during the day and the waiter told us about the food as if it were something to make him swoon, well, we decided to come back. The four lobsters on the paella we saw on someone's table did a lot to convince us too.
So we came back.
And the waiter was indifferent. We were shown our seats. My wife had sangria so watered down it was pink-- and they made her buy a liter of it, rather than serving it in a glass. We ate carpaccio for an appetizer. If there were two ounces of it on the plate i'd be surprised. Then we waited for the paella.
Cut to a scene earlier in the day where our host at the bed and breakfast tells us that there are no good paella restaurants in the vicinity. He's given us a list, which doesn't include this one. 'The one's around here are tourist traps. Don't fall for it,' he says. Yet somehow I guess I think I know better. After all the waiter swooned. After all, I saw the lobsters. Plus, it's not reheated paella, it's 'cooked in the moment' so it has to be good.
Back to the restaurant. I watch as a cook comes out of the kitchen and tosses something on top of a tall table with such disregard, it could have been a platter of spoiled eggs.Then he and my waiter talk for a few moments as the dish cools. Then the waiter brings it over. He places the paella platter before us as if it's covered in gold.
Another waiter sashays over and in perfect English says, 'This is the best paella you're ever going to have in Valencia. Afterwards I'm going to ask you and that's what you're going to say." Hand over my heart, I swear this is what he said. And i reply, "I've had paella a dozen times in Valencia, so I'll let you know." He frowned and was never seen again. I guess his attempt to do a 'these aren't the droids your looking for' didn't work.
Then we viewed the sad, hard, crusted, sea of dried rice and the tired, tiny, twisted pieces of what had once been a microscopic lobster tail on top of it. The Prisoner of Zenda has better bread and broth.
I ate in silence trying to find something redeeming, some way to save the meal. I sought something to say to my wife who knows I'm mad about the meal and wants to be nice.
But the words aren't invented to help me save the day on this one.
97 Euro later we leave in silence.
They don't call these tourist traps for nothing. It was a trap. I was lured in. They got me. They took my money... more importantly they took a dinner in Spain away from my wife. For that I will never forgive them and I will never ever darken their doorway. I recommend you don't either.
Here's what Yvonne thought of it:
GOOD NIGHT!
