Ashe Vernon's Blog, page 142
October 3, 2015
"I want you to stop treating Hurt like an old friend.
When he knocks at the door, stop letting him..."
When he knocks at the door, stop letting him in.
You deserve better than this. Can’t just
throw rocks at your heart and call it
romantic;
there is more at your fingertips than
hand-grenades and hair-triggers.
There is so much more than this.
I know you love him, but he is
too much weight to carry on your back and
only one of you can make it out of this.
You can fill a body with excuses, but
that doesn’t make it breathe–
can’t Frankenstein’s monster a relationship
out of the things you wished it’d been.
All this aching will make a museum of you.
And you will walk through the empty halls
of your chest, and see all the things
that loved you half to death. And parents
will tour their children through the wreck
to teach them what it means to light
a body like a match.
Trust me when I say
the love isn’t worth the price
of the flint.
But you love him.
So you love him.
What then?”
- TO MYSELF, IN MY LAST RELATIONSHIP by Ashe Vernon (8/30)
The man I am in love with has depression and says he isn't in the right place for a relationship. I understand, ive been in that dark place myself. I respect his decision. But I cannot let go and move on. Well I could, but I don't want to. I don't pressure
Baby, take it from someone who has severe depression, your love can’t cure him. If he says he’s not in the right place for this, he’s saying it for the good of both of you. It’s because he knows he would hurt you worse if he stayed. He’s trying to spare you this. Please respect him. You don’t have to stop caring about him but it’s time to let him go.
The man I am in love with has depression and says he isn't in the right place for a relationship. I understand, ive been in that dark place myself. I respect his decision. But I cannot let go and move on. Well I could, but I don't want to. I don't pressure
Baby, take it from someone who has severe depression, your love can’t cure him. If he says he’s not in the right place for this, he’s saying it for the good of both of you. It’s because he knows he would hurt you worse if he stayed. He’s trying to spare you this. Please respect him. You don’t have to stop caring about him but it’s time to let him go.
The man I am in love with has depression and says he isn't in the right place for a relationship. I understand, ive been in that dark place myself. I respect his decision. But I cannot let go and move on. Well I could, but I don't want to. I don't pressure
Baby, take it from someone who has severe depression, your love can’t cure him. If he says he’s not in the right place for this, he’s saying it for the good of both of you. It’s because he knows he would hurt you worse if he stayed. He’s trying to spare you this. Please respect him. You don’t have to stop caring about him but it’s time to let him go.
i went to a church for the third time in my entire life. the ceilings were so high they made something inside of me shift.
This is such a weird message for me to receive because this is exactly what churches do to me.
I mean, I’ve been in them more often because I was a preacher’s kid, but I had a pretty intense break with religion somewhere between 5 and 10 years ago and I spent years where I couldn’t go into churches because they made me feel uncomfortable.
But then I had to go into some churches as part of my study abroad in ireland [it was part of our history lesson] and they took my breath away.
I still don’t know if I believe in god, but I have a huge amount of reverence for thousands of people all believing at once.
I have such a weakness for those high vaulted ceilings.
October 2, 2015
"UNUSUAL TALENTS:
FOR A PART OF MY RESUME
THAT NO ONE WILL READ
.
Being liked by unlikeable..."
FOR A PART OF MY RESUME
THAT NO ONE WILL READ
.
Being liked by unlikeable animals
Singing along to songs I’ve never heard
Finding perfectly ripe tomatoes
Tripping on flat surfaces
Kissing goodbye out of too many mouths
before anyone knows that it’s over
Second guessing my own happiness
Leaving
Never coming back.”
- A SMALL LIST by Ashe Vernon (11/30)
I had this thought earlier today thatwhat if, when you first met people, you could already...
I had this thought earlier today that
what if, when you first met people, you could already automatically tell things about their compatibility and availability, just on sight? What if we had this way of meeting people and knowing “already in a relationship” or “emotionally unavailable” or “still in love with their ex” or “looking to settle down”
And imagine if this is just how things were, how they’d always been: that you could always see these things about completely perfect strangers and friends alike. What if it wasn’t weird/invasive because it wasn’t something NEW, it was just something that has ALWAYS been
How would that effect how you loved? How you allowed yourself to grow as person? What would it be like to be read like a book by everyone around you? Would it make for more calculated risk taking? More active personal growth?
And, of course, people would still get their heartbroken, because you can know full well that someone isn’t into you and fall in love with them anyway. But doing so would be an active choice–you would know, from day one, that this person was off limits and you would choose to keep holding to hope.
What would things be like in a world like that?
Who would turn out to be worth breaking our hearts for?
"This week,
you’ve got a heart like the hills
when a storm rolls in.
Even though last week,
it was..."
you’ve got a heart like the hills
when a storm rolls in.
Even though last week,
it was different:
desert grass beneath
a white and unforgiving sun.
And you know it’s bad.
Because when pain like that
turns to an ache like howling wind,
that’s when you know it’s unpacked its bags
and settled in.
And you—you were so in love.
You thought she’d changed you.
You thought she’d found a heavy soul
strapped to your shoulders
and lifted it free—
that she’d unlaced you a heartbeat at a time
until you could breathe again.
You felt so light in her hands that she
had to be made of something stronger.
She had to.
And you poured all of yourself at her feet.
You thought you were supposed to.
The frightening thing about men
with nothing to believe in,
is that when they find something,
their hearts snap shut like bear traps.
They take no heed of broken bones.
And when she buckled
it’s not that you didn’t forgive her—
it’s that you didn’t even know.
Didn’t your mother ever tell you
not to love like that?
Didn’t she teach you not to take shelter
in other people’s bones?
Count to ten.
Lay your hands flat on the table.
You don’t have to live and love like this:
all hands—all teeth—no skin.
You are more than a forest fire
trapped in a pair of lungs.
And she deserved better than that
all consuming love;
she deserved better than loving
down the barrel of a smoking
loaded gun.”
-
Ashe Vernon, Monsoon Season from Belly of the Beast (via steelhidingsilk)
You can get my book here, through Words Dance Publishing!
(via latenightcornerstore)
October 1, 2015
"Love and I swap secrets in
the darkest parts of well-lit rooms.
He’s the shiest lover I’ve ever..."
Love and I swap secrets in
the darkest parts of well-lit rooms.
He’s the shiest lover I’ve ever seen–
kisses the lip of his coffee mug,
runs his fingers over everything.
Love is softer than I thought he was.
I always talk of love with teeth.
But when he sits across the table and
taps his foot against my knee, suddenly
I can’t remember why I ever felt that way.
Love is a mess of softness in the spring.
He’s a weepy drunk–hides his head
in his hands and whimpers
while the world spins. I don’t think he’s ever
said a cruel word that he actually meant.
Love is so delicate.
He falls asleep with his face in the crook of my neck.
I wonder if my pulse finds a way into his dreams–
I wonder if Love ever dreams about me.
Love and I go drinking every week.
We meet at the ugliest bars on the dirtiest streets.
He says there’s beauty in the rotten things.
The whiskey’s good but god, it stings.
Love chases shots with sweeter things.
He knows the wicked worst in me.
So we talk a while.
And then we trade.
And I am Love.
And he’s Afraid.
”- ON LOVING LOVE by Ashe Vernon (17/30)
