Jim Hodgson's Blog, page 14

How to Mount Aconcagua

Emboldened by our trip to Kilimanjaro, I and a friend of mine traveled to Argentina to attempt to summit Aconcagua, the tallest mountain outside the Himalayas.

It’s also the tallest peak in the Western and Southern hemispheres, and it’s in the Andes very close to Mendoza, which is a city charming enough to visit on its own merits.

This book is an account of our adventure plus all the facts you need if you are considering a similar trip yourself. Plus there’s jokes. Tons of them. Hilarious ones.

Have a look and grab yourself a paper or Kindle copy today!

I owe thanks to many people who helped me with this project, but two standouts are Bear Roberts, who is responsible for the cover, and Karin Beuerlein, who helped edit the text. Thank you both!

Jack Dick and Other Stories

Buy on Amazon.com!

Holy smokes, it’s official! I have released a collection of short stories called “Jack Dick, World’s Musician-est Musician and Other Stories.” Yes, it’s true!

It is for sale on Amazon right now in paperback and kindle formats. There are a couple of shorter short stories at the front, and then a longer one about a guy named Jack Dick more toward the end.

It’s just like a concert, with opening acts in the beginning and then the main event toward the end, except you don’t get to spill beer on yourself. Well, you can still do that, I guess, just read the stories too. They’re awesome.

For example, have you ever wondered what it’s like to go slightly crazy on a ranch in Wyoming? Well check out this excerpt, champ!

Brad did not want the only conversation he had all week to be an awkward one about his piss in a jar, so he took to burying them.

Perhaps you have thought that your coffee mug might have some thoughts of its own? It does, believe me. Perhaps you’ve speculated about the secret lives of ballerinas? This book is definitely for you, provided that you know how to read. Myself, I never had time for it.

The main portion of the book is a short story entitled “Jack Dick, World’s Musician-est Musician.” If you’ve ever wanted to know what it’s like to be a professional musician, this story will shed some ridiculous light.

Here’s the sort of thing you’ll get to read:

He was taking pictures of the two of them with a digital camera and then inspecting the photos. He looked at one he’d just taken, and said “Fat face.”

She put a hand on his arm “You don’t have a fat face,” she said.

“Not me, you!”

He can be a jerk sometimes. I can too. Still, I’d love it if you checked out my book. Thank you, and please let me know what you think via email. I’d love to hear your thoughts, even if they’re mean!

Glowing Accolades for Jack Dick and Other Stories

“By far the best analysis of the formative influences of the Byzantine Empire on Italian Renaissance art that I have read.” — John Hargrave (zug.com, Prank the Monkey), Boston, MA

“I feel like the fuzzy little rodent with his ass painted orange. Except my head is orange.” – Nick Tapp (97.1 The River), Atlanta, GA

“Dude your book is insanely funny! Great job. I’m laughing my head off” – Jen Lowe (jenlowe.com), New Haven, CT

“I got to read it before it was released! It’s hilarious!” – Mellie Higgins, Atlanta, GA

“But I haven’t read it yet!” – Alex Pasco (Paper Radish), Seattle, WA

“I don’t want to hear any of your stupid stories, Jim.” – David Brooks, Atlanta, GA

“I’m in Portland.” – Alex Pasco (Paper Radish), Portland, OR

“Our editors have carefully reviewed your recent submission of “Jack Dick and Other stories,” and it has not been selected for inclusion in the Kindle Singles store. Thank you very much for giving us the opportunity to consider it. Your work will remain for sale in the Kindle Store.” – Simone Gorrindo, Amazon Kindle Singles

Little Free Library Book Tour Wrapup!

I’m trying to get people to read my books. There are lots of businesses on the Internet who are willing to take my money in return for advertisements of every description, but in my experience, the only thing that really works is word of mouth.

How do I get my name in more people’s mouths? Aside from doing the best work I can do and not giving up, I don’t really know.

A lot of people suggested doing Goodreads giveaways, which I did. Here’s a post on how that went. Conclusion of that effort: I spent $46.08 to get my book in the hands of 5 people around the globe.

I found that to be a bit unsatisfying. Those people don’t know me from — as my Dad might say — Adam’s house cat. What if I could find a way to give my book away to people who live right here in my beloved Atlanta?

Enter the Little Free Libraries

As much as I want to be David Sedaris, traveling the globe giving readings and wearing khaki pants, that life is currently out of my reach, though I do have the pants. Nearly any book festival will allow me to buy my way in, but the prices are high. As an independent author, I am to some book festivals as a lone male pervert is to a swinger’s party. Others are glad to have me.

In the 2009, Todd Bol of Hudson, Wisconsin, built a model of a one room schoolhouse as a tribute to his mother, a former school teacher who loved reading. He called it a Little Free Library and filled it with books. People loved it, and the idea spread. By January of 2014, the total number of registered Little Free Libraries in the world was conservatively estimated to be nearly 15,000, with thousands more being built. More about the LFL’s history here: http://littlefreelibrary.org/ourhistory/

Here’s what one looks like:

PHOTO: Jonathunder

Of course, an idea as cool as this one is sure to be hated by jerks who wish to stamp out literacy, fun, and probably smiling as well. Here’s a Newsweek article on how “uncultured killjoys” despise the idea of LFLs.

On the Little Free Library site, I found a map of registered libraries right here in my city. So I thought, why not spend the day going around to a couple of them? I could put my book in. Maybe someone will read it. Maybe I’ll find something I want to read.

I pitched it to my girlfriend Sweetie like this. Worst case scenario: we spend Valentine’s Day walking around the city doing book stuff. She loved the idea.

The Little Free Library Book Tour

After a hearty breakfast, Sweetie and I packed the items below into a backpack.

Sweetie didn’t seem to think we needed three pens, but you just can’t have too many good pens. What if I need to write a lot of things down?

Next, we drove to the nearest train station and bought two one-day passes for MARTA. Cost: 2 x $9 = $18.

The first stop was less than a mile from a station, and contained a lot of great books. I have a habit of saying “do sex.” At a romantic moment in a movie, I will turn to Sweetie and say “He wants to do sex to her.” I picked up that turn of phrase from “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time” by Mark Haddon, a truly great book.

And what should we find at our first stop but that very one? Seeing that, I felt immeasurably embiggened.

Here’s how we left the first LFL:

We walked back to the train station, rode it for a few stops, then hopped a bus to put us within sauntering distance of our second stop. On the way, we spotted this gorgeous Panamera S. I calculated I need to sell 22,922 books to be able to afford one.

Soon we found the second LFL, which contained some more great books: Mark Twain, Dan Brown, and Harry Potter? Score!

At our third library, we discovered a trove of Janet Evanovich, not to mention a copy of Pasternak’s “Doctor Zhivago,” which won a Nobel for Literature in 1958. Hopefully some of that gravitas will rub off on “Dangerous Dan.”

After stopping in a local bike shop to say hello to some friends, we got a suggestion to stop by the LFL outside Little’s Grocery. So, we did. That book got claimed by our friend Justin in under an hour.

Here you can see the Little’s LFL as we left it Saturday evening, and as our friend Nick found it the next morning. A lot can change in a day with these public libraries.

Last, we stopped by the LFL outside Dancing Goats coffee in Decatur. As you can see, I left a copy of “Dangerous Dan” to snuggle with a copy of Twilight. I’m immune to YA fiction, though, so I’m not worried about catching anything.

All in all, it was a fun day. Lots of people tweeted and followed along the hashtag I made up, #LFLBT. I don’t know yet what the far-reaching impact will be, if any, but it was a lot more fun than just firing books off into the mail.

Valentine’s Day Little Free Library Book Tour

I can’t afford an international book tour, but I can afford a one-day rail pass. On Valentine’s Day, Sweetie and I will board a MARTA train, which will whisk us around the city of Atlanta. We will disembark at random locations, then seek out Little Free Libraries and place signed copies of Dangerous Dan within them. We might or might not also remove any interesting books within. I figure we’re pretty much guaranteed to find at least one copy of “A Man in Full.”

This is made possible by the people who build and install Little Free Libraries. Find out more about them and see a map of registered LFLs in Atlanta here.

Here’s the stack of books, ready to be distributed:

Each one has a sticker in the back with my scrawl in it like so:

They will also be numbered and dated, so if you should get your mitts on one you’ll know forever where we placed it and when.

I’ll be live tweeting proceedings with the hashtag #LFLBT (little free library book tour) so follow along at @jimhodgson. Happy Valentine’s day!

I Will Appear at MidSouthCon in March!

I wonder if Graceland is on AirBNB? No? Well I’ll just get a hotel room. Lodging aside, I will be making a series of appearances at MidSouthCon 33 in Memphis, TN on March 20-22.

I’m looking forward to being on the following panels:

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Fri 3/20
10:00 PM
Back To The Future
Panelists discuss Time Travel, Teleportation, Portals and Worm Holes in scifi and fantasy.


Sat 3/21
11:00 AM
Pro Row
I will sign books. Any book. Any name. Without your knowledge or consent.


Sat 3/21
1:00 PM
Humor In Writing
Join our Toastmaster Guest of Honor Frank Tuttle along with other authors to discuss the humor in Science Fiction/Fantasy writing


Sun 3/22
11:00 AM
Why do I need an Editor?
What does an editor do anyway? Pitfalls of self-editing.


Sun 3/22
2:00 PM
Article, Technical and Other Paid Writing Jobs
Panelists discuss how to break into the paid writing field.


Sun 3/22
3:00 PM
Dark & Stormy
It was a dark and stormy night…Professional guests tell stories from con goers suggestions.

If you’re in Memphis, or near Memphis, or far away from Memphis, come see me. I plan to stop by BB King’s bar and ask if BB King will be stopping by, because I’m sure no one does that and the staff will love it.

The conference organizers stipulate that the above schedule could change, but I’ll update if so.

My Results Using Goodreads Giveaways for Book Promotion

I knew I wanted Dangerous Dan to come out before December, which was a bit of a stretch because I had to finish writing it, get Reid Davis of Tastemaker Communications to edit it for me, get Rich Stevens to make cover art for me, and transform the document into printable book format.

Thanks to the hard work of Rich and Reid, everything came together for me. I was shooting for Dec 15th, but I got the book out on Dec 17th. All that was left was promoting.

Getting Good Readers

I read up on some advice for maximizing Goodreads on a few blogs. WARNING: The second listed blog is annoying. Not only is it a listicle, it has one of those content-covering popups asking you to join a mailing list.

“Goodreads Giveaways, Don’t Do What You’re Told” – Catherine Howard
“How to run a Goodreads giveaway with maximal results: 11 tips we know you’ll need” – Emlyn Chand (annoying site)

The consensus seemed to be to run short giveaways, and only give away one book. I powered up the Goodreads giveaways.

I ran a total of 5 giveaways. Some went for only 24 hours, others as much as 48. This variation was due to the Goodreads timing and approval process. If you start a giveaway for tomorrow that runs for 3 days, it probably won’t start tomorrow. A person has to approve it.

Here is the data on my five giveaways.

As you can see, my book was requested most the first-ever time I posted it, by 502 people. But I also opened the giveaway up to international winners that time. A gentleman in Vietnam won.

Shipping Costs

Rather than manage shipping myself, I just logged right into CreateSpace and had them handle the shipping. Here’s what those costs looked like. I saved a couple of bucks by only shipping to English-speaking nations from the second giveaway on.

Date
Shipping Cost
Country


Jan 2
$11.68
Viet Nam


Jan 7
$8.58
United Kingdom


Jan 9
$7.61
USA


Jan 13
$7.52
USA


Jan 16
$10.69
CA


 
Total
$46.08

So, $46.08 to get my book into the hands of five people across the globe. Okay, but what about my goodreads profile? Any movement there? Well, yes.

Anyone who likes reading and frequents used book stores, as I do, has a to-read pile. Goodreads has a digital representation of that pile, called, as you might imagine, “to-read.”

Thanks to my $46.08 of promotion, 417 people have added “Dangerous Dan” to their “to-read” pile. Is that good? Well, I don’t know. I can tell you that I’ve seen no increase in sales, gotten no unaccounted-for reviews on Goodreads or Amazon, and received no tweets, emails, or Facebook messages from readers.

Of course it’s easily possible that they got a taste of my prose and threw the book down in disgust, then probably stomped on as well for good measure.

Conclusion?

As much as I’d like to think my money went somewhere good and I’m progressing toward my goal of becoming a khaki-and-leather-elbow-patch-wearing real-deal respected AUTHOR, I also look over to the corner of my desk and I see my own, actual, real deal to read pile. It looks like this, and it ain’t moving much.

So, if you’re thinking about doing a Goodreads giveaway, I can say for sure that you will be able to give books to people who claim to want to read it. And a few hundred nameless faceless internauts might add you to a list of people they will maybe read someday.

Conclusion: I do not plan to do any more of these.

Dangerous Dan promotion with my buddy Travis Broyles

I made a little video this weekend to help promote my new book “Dangerous Dan.” I’m pleased with how it came out, and as of this writing 57 people have viewed it.

So, I expect Harper Crawlins or one of those other publishing things will call me up pretty soon and ask to store some of their cash in my pockets.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdsmEMW4gj8

 

When Did SUVs Start Looking Like Apologetic Creek Rocks?

My first car was a 1987 Bronco II. It was awful. The rear hatch was broken and it overheated regularly, probably because it spewed coolant at random intervals like a freshman on his first weekend at college. But I was allowed to drive it. Well, I was if my dad didn’t want to that day. It was great.

I must say, though, that the Bronco II had pretty horrible flight characteristics, in my experience. It tended to want to nose over if you got it airborne. I think we can forgive Ford that oversight. And also let’s not tell my dad.

Those grievances aside, at least it looked more or less purposeful.

You young whippersnappers today, though, are forced to drive mid-size SUVs that look like they’re terribly, terribly sorry for being so big and so utilitarian. Or, at least, utilitarianish.

This is the Chevy Traverse ($30,995). Look how round it is. In the white paint scheme, it looks like a marshmallow that’s been flash frozen in the midst of being microwaved.

You have to step up to the Tahoe ($45,550) or Suburban ($48,250) to get an SUV that looks anything like a utility vehicle.

It’s the same story with the descendant of my coolant-spewing Bronco II, the Explorer ($30,700). Why are you so round, Explorer? Did someone put you in a creek for a long time? And why is one man in the photo attempting to fornicate your driver’s side while another tilts at you Quixote-style?

Ford’s got the Expedition which has actual corners, but they want $43,390 to start for it. Why can’t there be vehicles like the Land Rover Defender 90 anymore? Look at this thing! I want one so bad, but used models from 1997 still run over $35k. That’s a chunk to spend on a British vehicle with a ton of miles on it. Still, they are gorgeous.

The Brits still bring the sweet boxy goodness with the LR4, but it runs north of fifty grand at $50,400.

Of course, Jeeps still look boxy and utilitarian, and they don’t gouge you for it. A 4 door Wrangler starts at just $26,495. Looks pretty swanky too, although as pictured here I’m sure it’s a buck or two north of the starting price.

Toyota, at least, still makes a capable mid-size SUV with the 4-runner. But it isn’t immune to the shame of looking like a proper boxy utility vehicle. You can see here that the front is styled to look like the vehicle is crying, with two teardrops descending from the headlights.

If I’m going to spend money on a 4×4 vehicle, I want it to look like an ammunition box with wheels on it and some lights bolted to the front. Maybe even forego the lights. Who needs ‘em? If you have a badass enough vehicle you’ll just bash right over or through anything that makes the mistake of getting in the way.

You kids today with your heated seats and your navigation systems. Feh! In my day, we begged for the use of a vehicle that was as likely to squirt poisonous antifreeze in our mouths as actually drive anywhere. And we liked it. Loved it!

But ohhhh no.

My Failed Bring a Trailer Application: The Spongebob Caprice

Trolling through Craigslist or eBay looking for weird classic cars is a treasured car guy pastime, and there’s a site called Bring A Trailer where people post choice finds. It’s a great site. Cuts out a lot of the chaff of trolling on your own.

A few weeks ago, Bring A Trailer put out a call for writers. As a writer and a car guy, I leapt at the chance to apply. I trolled our local Atlanta listings for a classic car, and located an absolute gem: a Spongebob-themed 1983 Chevrolet Caprice.

Here’s what I sent Bring a Trailer:

If Nautical Nonsense is Something You Wish…

By James Hodgson, jim@jimhodgson.com, @jimhodgson

Rapper Rich Boy blew the doors off 2007 with the RIAA certified platinum hit “Throw Some D’s,” but no one knew at the time just how prophetic the song would prove to be. In the lyrics, Mr. Boy muses:

Haters wish they could feel the wood in my 83,

Ridin’ with no tint so the [muppet fathers] know it’s me.

Unquestionably, Rich Boy was heralding the arrival of this tint-free Spongebob Squarepants themed 1983 Chevrolet Caprice Classic from Chattanooga, TN.

Versed hip hop fans may quibble that Rich Boy was in fact musing about an 83 Cadillac, which is precisely (probably) why the Spongemobile’s Caprice Classic grille has been replaced with one from a Cadillac Fleetwood from the mid eighties era.

The Fleetwood may have sported a bangin’ grille, but Car and Driver’s 1983 Ten Best list tells the real story. The Caprice Classic was on that list alongside mainstays like the 5.0L Fox body Mustang, the Porsche 944, and the Rabbit GTI. It is your correspondent’s most dear wish for Spongebob themed versions of all of those. Please!

The Caprice’s hood ornament has been tastefully removed, giving undisturbed sight lines and better aerodynamic flow. Note also the patina atop the grille’s leading edge, as well as the theme-matched front license plate reading “Neal’s Caprice” with a depiction of a marching Spongebob Squarepants himself. The seller doesn’t say whether he intends to keep the tag, but we assume it comes with the car.

He does note that there are “four 12” speaker in the trunk,” [sic] though whether they are installed or just rolling about loose back there is anyone’s guess. Let’s not forget that the 83 Caprice Classic boasted a cavernous 20.9 cubic feet. You could easily lose four 12” speaker in that kind of space.

The interior is every bit as tastefully appointed as the exterior, boasting what appears to be a peacock leather dash, theme matching floor mats, and a security-enhancing detachable steering wheel.

The nature of the wired device at right of the above photo is a matter of some question, but there can be no question that the interior of this rolling (probably) masterpiece is an olfactory delight thanks to a brave string-mounted scented pine.

Like big rims? You’re all set. And you won’t have any unsightly braking devices cluttering up your appreciation thereof, either, thanks to yellow discs obscuring them. We defy our readership to find rims more tasteful than these. Please don’t send photos. We’re defying you rhetorically.

Perhaps the best feature of this car, if it is possible to pick one, is that you don’t have to be a rich boy, let alone Rich Boy, to own it. It is advertised here on Craigslist for a mere $4500, with title marked “clean” and condition marked as an optimistic “new.”

 

As is unfortunately typical for my writing job applications, I received no response. Not “Thanks.” Not “No thanks.” Not “go pound sand.” Just no reply. Oh well. No accounting for taste, I guess.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaR6aqL-L3Y

 

How I Mostly Stopped Coveting the Porsche 911

The 911SC Targa (boo, Targa) in Guards Red.

Since I was a kid, I have wanted a Porsche 911. I became aware of them during the mid eighties when I was ten and the great 911SC was enjoying popularity. My parents had split up a few years before. My mom moved from our Alabama home to the big city of Atlanta, where the streets were more or less choked with 911s.

Her calls from the great metropolis were greatly anticipated, but her ability to report on spotted cars was lacking.

“I saw a 911 today!” she’d say.

“Really? Cool! What was it?” Cabriolet? Turbo? Possibly a revolting slant nose?

Slant nose, you are an abomination.

“It was white!”

White? White?! Come on, mom! What level trim was it? Did it have a sunroof (boo) or no (yay)? And what factory white are we talking here? Grand Prix white? Titan White? Chitton White? Alpine White? Bah.

Mom tried, but she just wasn’t an enthusiast. I was a ten year old enthusiast, and part of being an enthusiast is knowing which trim levels of your favorite car are acceptable and which are not. If you’re thinking right now that you can’t wait to email me and let me know you’re also an enthusiast and you’ve purchased a 911 Cabriolet, let me let you know that you should take that car and drive it into a lake.

Why so acrimonious? Because 911s are expensive. But hating on certain models and the people far more successful than I who can afford to purchase those models is free.

The dreaded whale shit interior.

In that spirit, let me learn you something. You see, the only acceptable 911 is a coupe. Air cooled. Preferably sunroof free from the factory. Preferably naturally aspirated. In German racing silver. Black interior. You can add some of those Rennline metal floors that Magnus puts in his cars, but don’t be coming around with your whale shit colored interior 996.

I knew when I was ten years old that I would someday have the money to purchase a 911. And I knew that I would. When I finally got my first real job in the late 90’s, I looked at my finances, looked at the available 911s for sale, and said “Shit.” They were still out of reach. Even if I scraped together enough cash for a 911SC from the mid eighties, the running costs would sink me.

But I was dying to own one. So, I investigated compromises. Eventually I settled on the poor man’s Porsche, the predecessor to the Boxter, the 914. I had a 1973 2.0L, which was the engine to have barring the 914 with a 6 cylinder engine out of a 911. Those were hard to come by and three times the price.

I got my car for just under $5000 with the Fuchs alloys as pictured, the sail panels still intact as pictured, and the factory fuel injection still working. Lots of people converted these cars to Weber carburetors, but mine was still FI.

Technically, the 914 is a dual marque car, a joint effort between VW and Porsche. It only had about 90 horsepower, but it had the same VDO gauges of a 911. It was a really fun car. But soon I lost my job, so I sold it.

Since then I haven’t had the disposable money to even think about buying a car for fun. I’ve been living the life of an artist, which is to say, if I may employ financial jargon, broke. Things have gotten a bit better recently, and I once again began daydreaming about finally buying that 911 I’ve always wanted.

Unfortunately for me, those thoughts resurfaced at the same time as the 911’s 50th anniversary. The price of used 911’s has skyrocketed. And for what? It’s not like they’re rare. Here’s the Smoking Tire’s Matt Farah and some other dudes on the 911 bubble.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkC_94xLg7A

 

Farah makes a point. And a small piece of me as a child and a budding car enthusiast maybe feels a twinge as it gasps its last. But that’s okay. Because there’s plenty of fun to be had in the car I do have. It’s not a 911, but Sweetie and I can drive it, work on it, and compete in it. And it cost less two years ago than the 914 I bought cost ten years ago.

Auf widersehen, Herr 911. Konichiwa, Miata-san.

The Hodgson Racing #69 Miata

If I ever do manage to make a bunch of money, I’ll probably still buy a 911, but it won’t be as I imagined it. That’s a little sad. But that’s also growing up. And I like being a writer, so I’m likely to remain fairly broke. Thankfully, hating on people wealthier than me is still free. Screw you, 911 owners who made better choices than I did and realized their dreams! Jerks!