Jennifer Bene's Blog, page 44

Thankful Thursday

It’s #ThankfulThursday and this is an inspirational one as we work our asses off on the way to Friday. For me, I needed this hottie’s ass facing his laptop to remind me to get my ass in front of the laptop tonight to write! So behind on my goals right now, but it’s all for good things. Tell me, lovelies, what is this hottie reminding you to do before we return to the glories of the weekend?

Want to talk about the deliciousness of Thankful Thursday? Join the comments happening on my Facebook page!

Teaser Tuesday! ‘Rescuing Regina’ from Lee Savino!

I’ve got another delicious book to tease for you, lovelies, for Teaser Tuesday! This one comes from my friend, and USA Today Bestselling Author, Lee Savino. She admitted to me that this book came to her like a fever dream and dumped all of its kinky spank-filled wonderfulness onto the page in record time. Honestly, we should all be glad she gave into the urge because this is HOT! Enjoy!

***

Rescuing Regina

A woman on the wrong side of the law. The sheriff who demands her submission.

Regina doesn’t want to steal, but after losing her job, she has no other way to pay the bills. Her crime spree ends when she’s caught by Cole Townsend, the local sheriff. He’s hot, he’s dominant, he’s decided to claim her, and he won’t tolerate anything but her perfect obedience.

After delivering a harsh spanking, Cole gives Regina an ultimatum: Submit to him or go to jail.

***

Teaser:

“You can’t spank me for burning dinner!”

“I’m not going to spank you.”

“Then why am I ass up over your lap?” A resounding smack on one cheek reminded me not to swear.

“Bottom up,” I said hurriedly. “Derriere. Bum, rear, rump, buttocks, tuckus.”

“Are you done?”

I thought a second. “Patootie.”

“I’m not spanking you.”

“You’re not?”

“No.” His hand roamed between my legs. “I’m giving you an orgasm.”

“What!” I tried to rear up and strong hands held me in place. I could only kick my legs as he anchored my wrists in the small of my back. “This is not okay.” At that moment, an orgasm via Cole seemed worse than a spanking.

“Shhhh.” He ran his free hand up my thigh.

“Relax, Regina. Submit to me.” Long, capable fingers brushed over my panties. Slowly, oh, so slowly, one finger slipped under the gusset and stroked the wetness there.

“Cole.” I jerked.

“Be still.” He leaned on my back as his finger conducted a symphony around my clit, settling into the perfect spot.

I couldn’t speak any more. I held my breath. Everything in my being focused on the feather-light touch.

“This is how I’m going to treat you,” he said in a low, smooth voice. “Every time you act out, I’m going to give you what you need. It may be a spanking, it may be quiet time in the corner to think on what you’ve done.” I whimpered, and thrashed a little, but he reaffirmed his hold of my wrists and pressed his arm against my back. His other hand never stopped the light, fluttering touch against my clit.

“I’m in control. I make the decisions. You comply. And whether you’re good, or naughty, you are mine.”

***

This book is a quick, perfect read that brings out all of those domestic kinky ideas you wish you could have at home. A dominant man of the law willing to bend you over his lap and spank you, or make you come, depending on his mood? Yummy! Don’t miss this one, lovelies.

Amazon buy link: http://amzn.to/2e3j1PP

***

Want more of Lee Savino?

USA Today Bestselling author Lee Savino has fantastic plans to change the world, but most days can’t find her keys or her wallet, so she stays home and writes. Mostly romance, erotica and fantasy, but she’ll go wherever her muse takes her!

While she was studying creative writing at Hollins University, her first manuscript (a fantasy novel about Viking werewolves) won the Hollins Fiction Prize. She loves writing books about strong women and the sexy men who love them.

Website: http://leesavino.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lee.savino.1
Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/leesavinoauthor/

Music Monday – Save You

Today’s #MusicMonday comes from The Moxy and it’s called ‘Save You’. This is one of those songs that stopped me in my tracks when I first heard it, and then I listened to it on repeat approx. 83872824 times over the next week. The lyrics are amazing, her voice is this haunting, desperate, beautiful thing that makes me imagine the whole scene. Just trying to save someone you love, and it inspires me to write. Write what? I have no idea, but the emotion in it is something I can’t get out of my head! Scroll down, hit play, and enjoy, lovelies.

Favorite Lyrics

I’m calling you off the ledge,

toes hanging over the edge.

If i were stronger,

I’d pick you up.

Hold on a little longer,

it’d be enough to save you.

Oh, to save you!

I wish I knew another way

to save you.

But I’ve tried so many ways

to save you.

I can only say

I love you.

I love you.

I’d banish away the storms,

go back like it was before.

I’d remove the clouds

and turn the sky blue,

but baby,

I don’t know

what else to do

to save you.

‘Save You’ by The Moxy

Ask Me Anything: Have you ever had to safeword?

I’ve got another Ask Me Anything for this week, and this question came from one of my awesome readers! If you’re curious about what the AMA is, check out the explanation on the first one (read that over here if you like). I hope you lovelies find this interesting/helpful!

Q: Scenes can be amazing or scary, and can change to one or the other within moments. Can you tell us about a time you had to safeword out of a scene? What led to the safeword? Did the dom notice? Have you ever tried the scene again and were able to get through without a safeword? (asked by Niki R.)

 

A: It’s interesting that this question was asked because I’m currently part of a 90 day challenge with a group of people on committing to try something new / push our boundaries a bit in the BDSM lifestyle. My commitment actually has to do with one of the few times I’ve had to safeword out of a scene! I’m making it a goal to work on tolerating breath play better (and I’ll get to my specific goal after the story because then it will make more sense).

NOTE: My Dom and I play pretty hard, and so if that’s not something you’re interested in reading about, you do not need to read this post. I can tell you that he always puts my safety at the forefront, he has never really hurt me, and I trust him completely. I wouldn’t play as hard with him as I do if I did not trust him to be SSC at all times.

What was the scene?

One of my favorite things my Dom does when I’m at his house is that we can be in the middle of a conversation, or a movie, or dinner, and he will suddenly decide he wants to play. This means I usually get my hair pulled back (yay!) and then forced to follow him / walk in front of him to the playroom. Super hot, right? That is probably how we get into scenes 90% of the time, but sometimes he feels a little more aggressive, or I’m being a little too sarcastic (it’s a blessing and a curse) and that’s when we get to do take-down play.

When we do take-down play it usually starts with a deal, said in his very calm voice, that if I can get away from him I will get “X” during the session, but if he can pin me/get me to submit I will get “Y” during the session. “X” is usually something he knows I’ll enjoy, and “Y” is something I’ll enjoy less, but he really wants. As soon as he’s done talking I say “Yes, sir” and then take off. I get about… 10 feet usually, because he’s got 8 inches on me and is fucking fast, and I get grabbed and/or tackled. The reason this kind of works is because I took self-defense/jiu jitsu for two years in college, and I’m generally in pretty good shape. The reason he wins 99.9% of the time is because he’s an ex-marine, is 6′ 4″, and outweighs me and out-strengths me (that’s a word now). And, to me at least, THIS IS TOTALLY HOT. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite things we do. Capture fantasy is a kink of mine, CNC is a kink of mine (and his), and there’s a reason I love to write the dark stuff. It turns me on. The struggle, the fight, the biting, and clothing tearing, and general violence of it is very, very hot. All kinds of alpha male aggression = yummy.

That sounds super hot, so, what’s the problem?

Well, he loves breathplay. He loves controlling when I get to breathe, and we’re not talking about a little hand squeeze around the throat during sex (hot), or a deep throat held a few seconds longer than you’d prefer. This is “I wonder if you’ll black out this time, or tap out” breathplay. When we do take-down play he used to do this by wrapping his arm around my throat in a headlock and holding me back against his chest. (I can tell you he does not do this any more because of the reaction I’m about to describe and because he’s a good Dom who respects what I can handle) For some inexplicable reason the first time he really cut off my air it sent me into a full-on panic. I have a lot of tips and tricks for controlling my pain response, for staying in position during scenes if he hasn’t tied me down, but none of them seem to work when I can’t breathe. I go full on fight-or-flight. When he really did this I just lost it, and immediately did our nonverbal safeword of three taps. At first he didn’t notice (we had been wrestling and fighting moments before) and so I very clearly did 3 snaps (another of our non-verbal safewords). The second he saw/heard it he let go, but… I flipped out and had a panic attack. Hyperventilated, then couldn’t breathe at all because I was trying to breathe so hard. He has field medic training and got me calmed down eventually (it took a while, and he was very worried). On top of that, I was sobbing (I never cry) and he was totally freaked out because I had never had a strong reaction like that to anything and, as I said before, we play pretty rough.

So, what did we do?

We talked about it. He scooped me up and carried me to bed, wrapped me in blanket, got me wine, and then came and aftercared the hell out of me. I explained the physical reaction I had, and even though he asked me lots of questions about whether it had triggered something, or if there was something specific he had done that had caused me to react like that, I could not figure out why I freaked out. I still have no idea why I react how I do. Even reading about breathplay I think it’s hot! Watching porn with it? Hot. Thinking about him doing it? So hot. Then, when it actually happens? Pure panic.

We’ve tried it a couple of times since the original, each time I thought I’d be able to brain-talk my way through it, but I couldn’t. Apparently my brain isn’t concerned when I’m getting caned 50 times, or whipped with a dragon’s tail, but not being able to breathe? It pulls the emergency brake.

So, what’s your goal?

My goal is to increase what I’m able to handle in breathplay in other areas so that I can eventually teach my brain that just like everything else my twisted little painslut/masochist side enjoys, this can be fun too. The Dom is, of course, supportive of this idea and we’ve started with increasing the time I hold him in my throat during a blow job. This is an easy place to start because I already love blow jobs, but I have always panicked if he held my head in place after I felt like I was out of air. We’re already making progress, just this past week I was able to center myself, focus on the fact that I enjoy giving blow jobs, and just focus on his pleasure. When I stopped fighting, he let me up, and we kept going. He did it more in that session (we’re still letting my piercings heal, so no intercourse for the moment) and by the end I wasn’t getting the strong urge to panic. I think as we continue to work on desensitizing me to it, I’ll get closer and closer to being able to avoid full-on panic attacks like before.

Will we ever try a headlock during take-down play again? I don’t know. He’s concerned about it because he never wants to really hurt me or cross a line, and I’m so frustrated by myself that my type-A competitive self has decided I want to beat this no matter what. In the end, I’ll still be pretty proud of myself if I can deep throat for longer times. #subwin!

Anyway, this was less educational and more experience based, but I hope it at least highlighted how a good Dom reacts when things spontaneously go south during a scene. I’ve always said that triggers are like landmines, we never know what they are or where they are until we hit one. Breathplay happens to be one of mine, and if we never fully kick the landmine, then there’s still a million other things to do. ^_^

Thanks for reading lovelies, and keep sending me questions! I love answering.

Thankful Thursday

Oh, lovelies! Today’s Thankful Thursday is very late. I was volunteering at my local food bank most of the day and then have been running around since I got back home. BUT! HOTTIE! WITH A PUPPY!! I can only hope this makes up for it being so late. Enjoy and don’t forget to volunteer some time before the year is out.

Want to talk about the deliciousness of Thankful Thursday? Join the comments happening on my Facebook page!

#WIPWednesday: What does it take to become a witch?

For this week’s snippet I decided to share a little bit of what ‘The Rite’ is all about. Heather is a witch, but she hasn’t claimed her power yet because she hasn’t completed her family’s rite yet – and what it involves is a little bit more than lighting some candles and chanting some words. I hope you enjoy this evil snippet that shows you the darkness behind the beautiful Pritchett women, because the anthology ‘Dark Fantasies’ that just came out this past week has the new, darker, revised version of this story along with others from NYT Bestselling author Cari Silverwood, USA Today bestselling author Lee Savino, and bestselling author Charity Parkerson! Oh, and it’s only 99 cents. Come on, you know you want it.

—

“Heather, talk to me. How are you?” Carol’s face was gentle. She was more like her mom than their sisters Marguerite or Fiona, but she was still a Pritchett and that meant the only right answer was a lie.

“I just said I’m fine.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it, and if you want to have an attitude I can just as easily hang you upside down.” The snap in her aunt’s voice reminded her to be respectful. Pritchett women were unpredictable, even the nice ones.

“I’m going to do it. I don’t need another lecture, or another threat. I’m going to do it for you.” Heather perched on the edge of a chair in front of the desk and Carol sighed.

“It’s for all of us, Heather, and that includes you. I know you’ve always felt different, but you’re a Pritchett, and that comes with certain responsibilities. Completing the rite is just one of them.” She sounded like a kindly elementary school teacher, patient and gentle – except she was talking about murdering someone. An innocent man whose only crime was wanting to get laid.

“Right. And I’m going to do it, we don’t need to keep talking about it. Okay?” She wiped her hands on her jeans, realizing she should probably change and at least try and look decent before the speed-dating thing.

“Darling, it’s always quick. You know that right? Our benefactor is a Valkyrie, she takes them swiftly, like she has for millennia.” Carol waved her hand and a thick book came to her from the shelf, flipping it open to turn pages. Heather could see rows of neat handwriting in what looked like an accounting book. “Listen to this… car accident, died on impact. Heart attack. Brain aneurism. Heart attack. Heart attack. Car accident.”

“What –” Heather was staring at her aunt like she was crazy.

“It’s the record of how the sacrifices have been taken. All instantaneous, painless.” Carol said the words in that sweet, calm voice of hers, which was incredibly fucked up. She was reading from her family’s death ledger like it was a bedtime story. Since when had death ever been painless? That was just bullshit people told families so they didn’t torture themselves.

Death was death. Horrible and final.

“Great. Good to know. I need to leave and get ready.” Heather stood up and moved to the door, but it slammed shut in front of her, the door passing so close to her face that she felt the rush of air.

“Heather. You cannot back out on it this time.” Her aunt was serious, the threat of what Theresa had told her hanging over her head like the proverbial axe.

“I won’t,” Heather growled.

—

Tell me, what would you do in Heather’s situation? Knowing you’d have to take a life to stay alive? Let’s just say, Heather’s situation is not an easy one and her plan doesn’t turn out like she plans. If you haven’t had a chance to read ‘The Rite’ yet then this box set is a really awesome opportunity, because for 99 cents not only do you get this devious, evil little story – but you also get FOUR MORE. 1-click away! Then enjoy these other hot snippets below!

Teaser Tuesday! ‘Sigil’ from Addison Cain!

I’ve got another hot book to tease for you, lovelies, for Teaser Tuesday! This one comes from my good friend Addison Cain, also the bestselling author of the dark sci-fi erotica ‘Born to be Bound’ from the Alpha’s Claim trilogy. So evil, and so hot, and you just know that Sigil is going to be just as wicked. Don’t believe me? Check it out below!

***

Sigil (Irdesi Empire Book One)

He will possess her in every way.

After a century, The Irdesi Emperor has finally cornered their species’ only female. Sovereign and his fanatic brothers are closing in, driving Sigil to desperation.

They outnumber her, they are stronger, and they are relentless.

Sovereign knows her secrets better than Sigil knows herself. He knows she was conditioned to hate him. It changes nothing. The Emperor cannot help but crave her—just as his loyal brothers crave her.

The entire future of their species hinges on Sovereign’s ability to dominate the slippery renegade and make her feel the truth of what she is. She is his Consort. She is his obsession—a bride destined to be shared with and adored by his kin… to be satiated and ruled, to be overpowered and healed of her compulsions by any means necessary.

She has no choice in the matter. The empire will stop at nothing. Sigil will belong to them; she will be made to love them, even if they are forced to rip the galaxy apart to claim her.

***

Teaser:

Turning up the lights, she found him standing proudly, posing for her at attention, unsmiling but radiating satisfaction. Like the others of his kind he was unfailingly beautiful—part of the lure that made them so dangerous in so many ways. Black hair had grown long since she’d last seen him, tucked behind his ears and waving to his jaw. He also bore the shadow of stubble, more casual than the commanding clean-cut necessity of a dead nation’s perfect created soldier.

Quinn’s false colored eyes lingered over the contours of his face, explored the column of his structural weak point—his throat.

Sovereign took a step nearer, Quinn countering verbally. “It would be in your best interest to keep your distance. Otherwise you may find how very difficult it is for me to control the urge to butcher you.”

“Sigil,” he sung her name, eyes a perfect storm, taking her in as if he’d been starved for the sight.

She hated that designation. Showing teeth she hissed, “My name is Quinn.”

“Your name,” he explained imperiously, stepping nearer, “is Sigil. The title far more than the project for which you were fashioned. It’s what you are: inscribed genetics, a creation of perfection.”

“Perfection?” she gave an unimpressed snort. “That is exactly how I should appear to you.” Eyeing him as if he were a fool, Quinn sneered. “The shade of my skin in line with your preference, each curve of my body designed to mimic the females you took the most pleasure in. Everything from the size of my breasts to the natural color of my hair and eyes, all created to draw you in, making it much easier for me to assassinate you, had Commander Demetri felt the need to unleash me on a programmed slave soldier who’d grown too autonomous.” Her chin lowered to her chest. “So why do you tempt me to do what long dead men and a depraved, horrible society desired?”

“I can see the sparks between your fingers—the automatic buildup of psionic energy precursing attack.” He took another step closer and asked, “Are you struggling for control?”

“Yes.” Her fists tightened until the bones in her fingers popped. The psionics drained away, and Quinn made the offer of her life, “You would do well to end this now before I slip and punish you for hounding me.”

“And how would you punish me?” The weight of his gaze, the curiosity he did not hide, seemed backward. As if he the wolf and she the sheep.

Her shoulder blades met the corroded wall. “You have pretty eyes. Maybe I will collect one.”

The man nodded, his presence commanding far too much space. “Then come nearer, Sigil.”

Something about his tone… was wrong.

He advanced until standing before her, tall, broad, looking down at her upturned face as if it were his due.

Practically humming with the need to break the bones in his neck, Quinn’s hand moved on its own, reaching for his throat. Sovereign allowed it, even lifting his chin to give her better access. Her fingers wrapped around warm skin where all she had to do was squeeze and she could crush his windpipe. Or better yet, dig her nail right into the lovely pulsing artery under her thumb and tear out a handful of flesh.

A sensation of pleasure flooded her body, her thumbnail digging in.

Ignoring the threat, Sovereign fingered her slave collar. “I absolutely abhor seeing this around your neck, precious Sigil. Whatever game you have been playing that requires a collar, it’s over now.”

Insulted at his use of an endearment, the hand Sigil had wrapped so beautifully around Sovereign’s throat tightened. Eager to watch him choke, anticipating the beauty of Sovereign forced to kneel before her, Quinn envisioned plucking out one of his unimaginable eyes and crushing it to jelly—or maybe eating it, swallowing down a piece of him while he watched.

The fantasy blossomed, made her smile, and she slipped further into the haze.

Sovereign slowly wrapped his fingers around her wrist. Applying a strength he should not have possessed, he forced her grip from his throat, shocking her out of her fantasy. Quinn, gasping, struggling unsuccessfully to regain the limb he’d claimed, earned only a tick in his jaw. Sovereign maintained his hold.

She’d been created to be better than him—superior. But she could not move her arm.

Sovereign pressed his greater mass forward, trapping her against the wall.

***

If you’re not already turned on by Sovereign and Sigil’s fiery interactions, just wait until you get to their first, ahem, interaction a few pages after this. It is so blistering hot that I may have had to shout at myself to put the book down so I could get work done. Addison just has a way with words that captures you and drags you in, even if you’re not normally a sci-fi reader! Her characters, her stories, her incredibly hot sex scenes – trust me, you won’t be able to look away either!

Here’s the Amazon buy link: http://amzn.to/2ebKG2T

It’s FREE on Kindle Unlimited, or just $2.99 for this hot start to a brand new series!

***

Want more of Addison Cain?

Addison L. Cain was born in sunny California, but found herself drawn to dwell in older, history-rich places. Japan, Ireland, Qatar, and now Washington DC, Addison is always on the move, always eager to immerse herself in new cultures and people. Her stories reflect the antiquities she loves: deep and sometimes very dark. Driven to push her characters beyond the pale, Addison’s books are not for the faint of heart.

An alumni of California State University Fullerton, she earned a degree in Japanese and spent years in Asia studying indigenous Japanese religion. Primeval forests and worn pathways have led to her obsession with gardening. Her Great Dane approves, loping around the yard and getting into mischief. Unfortunately the cat has to watch from a window, and because Addison is a total sucker for his sad golden eyes, he gets hours of belly rubs and too many treats.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AddisonlCain01
Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/AddisonlCain/
Amazon Author Page: http://amzn.to/2dzepBH

Music Monday – Unconsolable

There is just something about ‘Unconsolable’ from X Ambassadors that always has me dancing in my seat, and the lyrics are just so good because they can mean anything to anyone. It always makes me think of when I hit the dark places and even my best friends can’t pull me out because I’m just trapped with the demons and they’re the only ones I can hear. You just feel unconsolable, uncontrollable, in those moments, and I feel like the X Ambassadors capture that in a twisty, almost pop-style way. I love so many of their songs, but this is one I come back to over and over. Also, take a few minutes and really watch the video below. Their music video follows two boys taken into foster care, and separated when one runs off, and they find each other years later – both unconsolable, until they have each other. Surprise tear jerker, right? This band has so many layers. I love it. Enjoy, lovelies!

Favorite lyrics…

I hope we stay

Thick as thieves

Butter and bread

Pillars on colonial homes

And I wish I could shout you out

False start

. . .

And you said you are

Unconsolable

And you said you are, are

And you said you are, are

Unconsolable, Uncontrollable

Come up to my house,

drink with my friends.

You can lay on my couch,

aching to start all over again.

Go on back to your room.

Wait a minute, it’s my room.

Was it something I said?

Was it something I said?

‘Unconsolable’ by X Ambassadors



 

Ask Me Anything: What’s all this about soft limits and hard limits?

This week’s Ask Me Anything comes from a bunch of discussions we had on Facebook this week, some of them sparked by my Ask Me Anything from last week on good resources for getting into the kink lifestyle (read it over here), and it’s a really important one to have so I hope you enjoy!

Q: What’s all this about soft limits and hard limits? What are they and why do I need them?

A: Thank you invisible internet people for asking this and/or talking about it, because limits are absolutely necessary in every kink relationship. Really I think all relationships should have them, but I guess it doesn’t come up as often for vanilla couples.

What are limits? You might have asked yourself this once or twice, or you already know and I’m being repetitive, but that’s okay. To put it simply, limits are a list of things you don’t really want to do. And they should be an actual list. I keep mine in a note on my phone so I can easily copy + paste + send to anyone I’m thinking of playing with. I also highly suggest that you come up with your limits list before you’re thinking of playing with someone specific. The reason for this is that your excitement to play with a specific person might color your true feelings about an implement, or an act, or a situation, and you might let someone do something you really don’t want them to do. Which isn’t good for you, and if they’re a decent dominant it will probably make them feel like shit too. So, avoid that. Write these down as you think of them. Keep it updated and fresh.

What are soft limits? These are the things on your limits list that you feel a little nervous about, maybe a little squeamish, but there’s a little voice inside you wondering if you might like it. Telling a Dom it’s a soft limit means that if you choose to try it, they need to take it slow. They need to explain everything, and they need to check-in a lot to make sure you’re still okay. It also warns them ahead of time that you might safe word because maybe now that you’ve tried it you’ve decided that nope, you are definitely not into being covered in chocolate and having it eaten off by a swarm of bees. Sure, it sounded cool in your head, but now you’re not so cool, and you’d really appreciate him blowing his bee-summoning whistle to remove them. (ridiculous example used so as not to offend anyone’s kink!)

What are hard limits? These are the hell-nos. The fuck-off-and-die-with-that-idea limits. Everyone has these, because these are the over-the-line things that you refuse to participate in. BUT! If you’ve been playing a long time some of your hard limits may drift towards soft limits, and that is okay too, because we are always changing. It’s why I said in the first section to keep your list updated and fresh! Who knows when you’d like to try that chocolate + bees thing again, right? No matter what, a hard limit should never even be attempted in a session with a good partner. Hard limits are off-limits. Doing something on a hard limit list is equitable to assault and/or sexual assault to me, and most SSC individuals in the community. It’s a major violation of trust, of someone’s body, and of every foundation of BDSM. Hard limits are no joke, and both subs and Doms get limits. If your Dom has a hard limit on something, it’s not cute to violate it. It’s wrong. Don’t do it! Don’t let someone else do it! If they do it, you need to decide if you feel safe enough to continue in that relationship.

Side note: If a Dom ever flat-out ignores your safe word. Not an “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you the first time, but I did the second time and I stopped”, but a flat out ignoring of your safe word. Run. Leave. Get out. Report them to someone, if not the police. This is a terrible, gigantic red flag, and behavior like that will most likely only get worse. They don’t respect you, they don’t want you safe, and that is no longer BDSM. For real. Alright, back to the fun stuff.

Why do I need this and what do I do with it? Well, once you’ve figured out all your limits, keep it easy to access. Pop it into a folder in your email, save it in a note on your phone, but keep it accessible. You need this because if you’re starting to dip your toes into the community and you think you might want to meet someone, they need to know your limits. You should also ask about their limits. When you first start out, you might have a soft limits list a mile long, and a hard limits list just as long – and this is okay. We all have different things we can handle, we all have reasons behind our choices, and if you’re going to play in this community your play partner needs to know these things or there is no way they can do it safely, sanely, and with your consent.

What all can be on a limits list? Is it just implements? Certain acts? The short answer is anything can be on a list if it’s important to you. Now, to be fair, I’m going to share my obscenely short list with you just to give you an idea of the kinds of things you can have. Please remember, I’m a painslut and a masochist, and I’ve been in the community and playing for over a decade. I’ve done a lot of stuff, and soooooo no one needs to have a list anywhere near as short as mine. Okay? Okay.

Soft Limits

No photography or video without express permission, that includes security cameras and “oops I left it on”.
No marks I can’t cover with normal work clothes, seasonally appropriate.
No watersports.
No age play.

Hard Limits

Clean movement from anal to anything else.
Condoms for vaginal/anal.
No scat play.
No blood play.
No public activities.
Name calling is fine, just never “wench”.
Pre-determined safe word. I usually go with yellow/red cause they’re the most common. Nonverbal is three snaps or three hard taps.

So… this is pretty much all I have to say on limits, but I wanted to take one more chance to say just how fucking important they are. Before you play (or before you play again if you have been playing and never taken the time to write these down) WRITE THEM DOWN. This is me being a protective, crazy, mama bear, but I adore you lovelies and I never want anyone to take advantage of you, whether they know they are or not. As always, my inbox is always open for more questions. If you have questions about my limits, or your own limits, please ask. I’d love to talk about them.

PS – Send me more questions! I’m loving this weekly opportunity to chat about BDSM and all kinds of stuff.

Thankful Thursday

Oh, lovelies, this week has been such a chaotic mess, but now it’s Thankful Thursday I am so lucky to have good friends like Nanette Puscizna who send me sexy sexy pictures whenever I’m feeling stressed to the max. This delicious piece of Halloween candy is David Gandy (see what I did there?) and she has many many other wonderful pictures of him that I’m sure she’d be willing to share on Facebook if we asked very, very nicely. I’m sure staring at him will help Friday come a little faster for all of us! Enjoy!

Want to talk about the deliciousness of Thankful Thursday? Join the comments happening on my Facebook page!