H.A. Larson's Blog, page 72

Fall is Here!

It's Fall! Yay! Yes, I really do get that excited for Fall. It's my favorite time of the year. The weather is perfect (not too hot, not too cold), the scenery is filled with warm colors, the pumpkin patches open, bonfires & warm apple cider (sometimes spiked) are a must, the mosquitoes finally leave us in peace, and hiking out in nature couldn't be any better. 
There's nothing quite like a cool, Fall morning to get out into the woods, plains, hills, rivers, etc. There really isn't. I could meander through the forest and ridges of the Loess Hills for hours. The ups and downs through the hills and valleys ensures a veritable, ever-changing feast for the eyes. 
The other morning, after everyone else went to work or school for the day, I took off by myself out to Hitchcock Nature Center--one of my favorite places--to hike, clear my mind, take in the sights, and do some photography. It was a wonderful, few, peaceful hours to myself and I enjoyed every second. The landscape is now in the process of shifting from Summer to Fall, and it was gorgeous.

My books have gotten a facelift!

I've been thinking lately that I was never quite satisfied with my book covers for "Cold" and "The Melody". Sure, I liked them enough, but they were just not quite right. I've finally mastered--it's about time too--how to install the cool fonts that I find and download on occasion. Like many other things I've learned on my journey of being an Indie Author, sometimes good old perseverance wins out. 
Something else I've learned on my journey is that people really do judge a book by it's cover. With that in mind, I was in the mood to give mine a facelift. Here are the results, and I have to say, I'm quite pleased with myself...especially for "The Melody"! What do you think? Yay or nay? Leave me a comment below!
Have a fantastic day!  
H.A.













I decided to update "The Station" too as it will be coming out soon, and I never was fully pleased with the old covers I had done either. This one, seems perfect!  Again, let me know what you think.

A Sunday Walk to Clear the Head

After the somber mood I was suffering from yesterday (and after having a good chat with my dad) I decided to head out into nature. I mentioned in yesterday's post how I planned on immersing myself into some things that I really enjoy in an attempt to lift my mood, so I indulged in two of them: hiking out in nature and amateur photography. The little adventure proved to beneficial to my mood, and so today I'm going to expand upon that. Anyway, here are some of the pictures from my hike. Enjoy!

Looking Down from the Top

Today, I'm in one of those moods. Actually, it's been more like a week. As I mentioned in this post earlier in the week, I've had some nostalgia going on. Luckily though, I've moved past it for the most part, but now I'm dealing with another emotion. One that stems from my tendency to over-think things and tends to threaten my happiness as a result. Even my dreams have been bringing me down. In short, I'm in a funk.

Ever since I had the good fortune of securing my latest job, I've been feeling on top of the world, and why shouldn't I? I have a great job that I like, I have two wonderful kids that I love spending time with, I'm in the best physical shape that I've been in in many years, my writing career has been moving upwards since I began, and I have been checking things off my bucket list. Why then, am I feeling so down in the dumps?

I equate my current mood to standing on top of a mountain. I've been hiking it all day and I've just reached this summit. This feat leaves me feeling happy, jubilant, and exhilarated. Then--with a smile still fresh on my face--I look down, and suddenly everything changes. Just like that. In a literal blink of an eye I've gone from being on top of the world to feeling down in the pits. What happened? Looking down isn't that daunting, and besides, why does it detract from all the positive emotions I've been experiencing?

I know that I'm somehow sabotaging myself, but I don't know why. More importantly, why do I put myself through this? I know that a lot of it stems from the years that I spent with a person who has a mental disorder that completely disrupted my life. Their happiness was rare and fleeting, and it really took a lot from me over the years. Their negativity impacted my life with such magnitude that I suffered from PTSD for awhile last year.

While I know this accounts for a lot of the negative breaks in an otherwise positive life, I also know, deep down inside, something else lurks. Something inside of me wants to give up, wants to be overly-sensitive about things I shouldn't, feels like a failure, and tries to prevent me from moving forward. Am I scared of my future? How do I deal with what I'm feeling?

I think I'm going to employ a few tactics to help me deal with my funk and better recognize it when it rears it's ugly head so I can rid myself of it sooner. I've heard that finding three things to be thankful for everyday can really do wonders for positive mental energy. I'm going to start keeping a journal of this and see how it goes. Do any of you do this?

Also, I'm going to spend the next couple of days immersing myself in things that make me happy and avoid things that I know can bring me down. My hope is that by reminding myself of the good things, it will help balance out the bad. Do any of you do this either?

Additionally, I'm going to throw myself into my craft. It always brings me peace when I work on a project, and, of course, I share my world with you: my dear reader. As always, I appreciate your presence and would love your input. Email or comment me here.

Yours,

H.A.

Final Teaser from "The Station"

Hey everyone! I'm pleased to announce that my third book, "The Station", will be released in time for Halloween! Since I released my first book on Halloween of last year, this is an amazing milestone for me. I figured it was time for a third (in honor of my third book), and final, teaser from the book. Are you ready? Enjoy!




Eric’s eyes fluttered open. The sun was shining weakly on his face. He was very cold and lying in the dirt. Disoriented, he began to sit up, but was overcome with a headache that felt like it was going to rip his skull apart. He gingerly touched the back of his head, and felt the patch of blood that had coagulated there. A ringing in his ears added insult to injury, and when he went to touch them he felt more dried blood.            He struggled to stand up as he remembered the incident from last night and how he ended up in his current predicament. From the way the light streamed down in a gray haze, he realized dawn was just beginning to break. Considering the time of year that it was, it couldn’t be any later than 7:30 a.m. When he was finally upright, he staggered as he walked, and used the trees around him to keep from falling down.              His head was throbbing and his gait was uneasy, but he still managed to find his way out of the woods and onto the familiar path to the cabin. Daylight, gray as it was, was completely upon him as he stopped in front of the deck steps to rest. He willed himself the rest of the way into house and made sure to lock the screen door behind him.             He swayed along the hallway to the master bedroom where he drew a bath, undressed, and climbed in. He closed his eyes and fell asleep as the warm water soothed his aching body. When he opened his eyes again, the water was frigid. His body wasn’t as sore as it was when he first got in the tub but he was freezing so he leaned over to pull the plug. Covered in goose bumps, he stood up and turned on the shower as hot as he could stand. The water rained down over him, taking the chills away along with the pain.               Clean, and in better shape than when he had first returned, he rooted around in the medicine cabinet for some pain reliever. He swallowed down four with a glass of water, and then retired to the comfy couch. He went over in his mind the events from the night before and tried to figure out exactly what had happened. He must have been so entranced in fear by the woman from his nightmares, that he hadn’t heard a large limb, or maybe a tree itself, as it came crashing down on the back of his head.            He tried to convince himself, but he didn’t recall having to move a tree nor a large limb in order to get up off the forest floor. Then he reminded himself that the whatever it was could have rolled off a few feet in any direction away from him. Maybe he hallucinated the whole thing, but he didn’t think so. Confused, but unsure of what he should do, he decided to watch an old movie and put it out of his mind.            The movie couldn’t hold his attention and his thoughts kept returning to all the odd happenings that had occurred since he had returned to his hometown. Something was going on, and disparaging thoughts of captive women in the woods seized control of his mind. 







Excerpt from "The Station" 2015. All rights belong to the author, H.A. Larson, and any use is strictly prohibited.  

Nostalgia

Is there anything more amazing than the human brain? Made of soft tissue instead of metal & wires, it performs a variety of calculations much like a supercomputer. Every day, our brains make decisions, plan futures, figure out details, and run us through a myriad of emotions. It's a marvel within itself, and while I love it, it can also be my biggest pain.
Let's talk about those myriad of emotions a little bit more shall we? We all know the gambit of feelings our brain instructs us to feel, and how sometimes they're a blessing, other times they can be a curse, and, on certain days, they lie somewhere in the middle. That's how I've been feeling over the last few days: in the middle.
It's probably proper that my emotions are somewhere between bitter and sweet, because I am at a crossroads in my life. I am firmly in between my past and my future. I've been planning, for quite some time, a new beginning for my life, but as far as proper planning goes, if you want to do things right, sometimes you have to take your time. That's where I am.
That time allows for a smooth transition, but it also allows my brain to deal with the past. It's important to deal with the past in order to move forward, but it's still a roller coaster of sorts. For me, it's been nostalgia. The last several days have been a wave of simulataneously feeling happy and sad. 
In everyone's life, relationships we have with other people are fluid. They change, grow, develop, and enrich us. Sometimes those relationships drift apart. While that can be a good or bad thing, depending on the situation, it still comes with a lot of emotional baggage that one is left to deal with. 
I've had plenty of interpersonal relationships with many people over the years. Some have been really great and long-lasting. Some were never meant to be more than blips on life's radar. Some have been bad and didn't end soon enough. Only one, for me, has been a mixture of good and bad that lasted a long time but ran it's course. 
Sometimes you outgrow another person, and even though you want it to be what it once was...it won't. You can try all you want to preserve what it used to be, but life moves at it's own pace and what will be, will be. Even though I recognize it for what it is now and am ready to embrace my future on my own, I'm still nostalgic for what that relationship used to mean to me. I miss the closeness, the intimacy, the things we had in common that we enjoyed doing together, and the way it felt like we were a solid unit when we were out and about doing things.
What I don't miss is the arguing, the fighting, the way we could never agree about the important things in life, how it seemsed our lives were drifting farther & farther apart, how we didn't like to do the same things anymore, and how it felt like there was a big wall between us. 
The truth is, it isn't what is used to be, it is what it is as of right now. Nostalgia wants me to forget that sometimes and throw myself back into a relationship that no longer fits me, no longer grows me, and no longer works. You can't always fix what's already broken, but maybe, just maybe, a little part of me wishes I could. I need to move on from the nostalgia so I'm going to take a few moments to remember the good things about the relationship, and then bid it farewell. 
We had some good times, you and me. A lot of good times actually, and we created something wonderful. For those things I am forever grateful. We also had more bad times, horrible times really, than good. I will never miss those, but I will take them as a learning experience. They helped define who I am now, and I like who I am now.
Thanks for the memories. Peace be with you my friend. 
Forever, H

Minneapolis Trip

I've been busy the last several days so I didn't see much point in trying to get much done in the way of social media. I took my kids to Minneapolis for the weekend where we had lots of fun. We got there Friday evening and went out to eat at a pizza place that served omni and vegan pizzas. I had an amazing pizza with vegan brownies for dessert. It was delicious! 
Saturday we went to the Minnesota Renaissance Festival (for those of you who don't already know, I am a die-hard Ren Faire fanatic). I was there once many, many years ago and didn't remember that it's one of the largest Ren Faires in the country. Between the Ren Faire, using the hotel gym, and walking around the city some more we did 12 miles of walking that day. I reached another milestone weight-wise, so that was a nice added bonus.
We headed back home Sunday morning because I had to go back to work that evening. Yesterday I had to put away all the stuff from our trip, clean the house, and get some shopping done. I did relax last night which was much-needed. 
So, all in all, we had a blast. Here's a few pics of our journey.




A view of Minneapolis from out hotel room. We had a room on the 23rd floor, which was really cool.



At the Ren Faire. This was the first act we saw when we arrived. An escape artist who got out of a straight jacket. Very cool.



The legendary, world-famous Puke & Snot was at the faire! I had always heard that if one ever got a chance to see them, not to miss them. I didn't think I'd ever get to see them so that was exciting! They were awesome.



The kids rode on old-fashioned rides like this one. Fun!




Fandazzi Fire Circus. This was really cool. They had a band that accompanied them, and they were all amazing. I made a video of it.





Balancing an ice sculpture on the head. 



After relaxing for a bit after the Ren Faire, we headed over to Minnehaha Park. I had heard that there were falls there, and there sure was. Beautiful! It was kind of late when we arrived, but no worries, they light it up.



A view of the city from the top floor of the parking ramp at the hotel. The kids wanted to go to the top, and I didn't care. It was fun.


Last, but not least, we drove by this sign on the way to and fro. We thought it was pretty funny. Maybe we'll stop at Manly Forest City sometime.  ;)

National Daughter's Day

When my husband and I first starting dating, I had a 3-year old son. As our relationship started getting serious and we started planning a future together, I let him know that I was done having children. I didn't feel like I was that great of a mom, and I knew that I really hated pregnancy and childbirth, so my son was the only child I ever planned on having.
A few years into living together, my not-quite-husband turned to me and said, "Are you sure you don't want any more children?" I pondered on his words for a moment and realized that he wasn't wanting a simple yes or no answer. He wanted me to have his baby. At that moment I decided that maybe I did want another baby, and since I was 32-years old at the time, I suggested that we get started right away. I was sure, but I was apprehensive. 
The next year, right around my son's 6th birthday, I had tell-tale signs of being pregnant. One home pregnancy test and one trip to the OB-GYN later, it was confirmed: I was going to have another baby.I was a nervous, for many reasons, but I was excited too. On June 27, 2006, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl and instantly fell in love, just like I had with my son nearly seven years prior. My fears of not being a good mother subsided as I adjusted to having two children, and my skills as a mother became more concrete. Having another baby taught me how to be a better mom and I really blossomed into motherhood after that.
Now, my handsome son is 15 and my beautiful daughter is 9. While parenting has had it's ups and downs--we've all had our trying days--I'm thankful everyday for my children. They've given my life so much joy and meaning, and I absolutely love every moment I get to spend with them. There are no two people I'd rather spend time with.
My daughter is no longer a baby, she's growing up fast right before my eyes. It's bittersweet for sure as I miss the little thing who relied on me for everything, but at the same time I relish seeing the strong, independent girl she is becoming. So today, on National Daughter's Day, I want to wish the best of days to one of the sweetest, kindest, smartest, and prettiest little girls I know. Thanks for being my daughter and choosing me as your mom, and, to that end, I hope I have lived up to expectations. I love you baby girl. 

Family, Friends, Food, and Fun

Hello everyone! It's been a few days since my last post, so I figured I was due for one. I took a much-needed break this weekend. Even when I'm not working at my regular job, I still devote some time, nearly every day, to doing social media promotion and working on my book. I also work on any side projects that need to be taken care of as well. This weekend though, I took a break from all of it. I had friends from out-of-town stay overnight two different evenings. 
The first set came as a surprise for my best friend's birthday. I had people over where we enjoyed drinks and hors d'oeuvres. It was a pleasant, relaxing evening filled with great conversation and laughs.
The next day I took my kids on a gorgeous hike at one of our favorite spots. The weather was in the high 60s and we enjoyed the bugless, nearly fall look that the landscape is acquiring. We are looking forward to fall!
My bank had member days on Sunday and I took the kids for free entertainment, free t-shirts, free activities, and free food. It was a good time!

The last set of visiting friends stopped by before their big move out to the West coast. They were treated to a large, fabulous vegan meal of spicy lentil chili garnished with cheeze sauce; cripsy, baked pita triangles; and a simple green salad dressed with a peanut-style viniagrette & homemade croutons. It was a big hit and everyone went in for seconds, and even thirds!



I also realized that I hadn't spent a single evening outside this year either. I have a back patio and usually, many times over each summer, I sit out there with tiki torches and a big bonfire. It's a great, peaceful way to relax and reflect over a drink. We decided to make one in the front yard instead and we enjoyed our wine with a comfortable fire. The weather was perfect for it, not too hot nor too cold and the fire felt just right.



Luckily, I had enough of this year's batch of my homemade mulberry schnapps leftover to pour myself one final drink on the rocks and enjoy. It was a satisfying conclusion to a great weekend. 



Today, after my friends helped clean up and go on their way, I got back to business doing my author groove, and here shortly I'm on to my work week. 

I hope you have a fabulous day and a terrific week!
Much love,
H.A.

Life: The Infinitely Finite

One block over from my house is a street that I drive on daily. Nearly every day for the last five years, I have driven by a little yellow duplex located on that street. While I've never met the occupants there personally, I've driven by there so many times that I feel like I kind of "know" them.

The right side of the duplex has had a menagerie of young girls that have moved in and out of the duplex over the years, but the left side has always been occupied by an elderly woman. If I had to guess her age, I'd guess her to be about 75. I would even venture to say that she was a young 75. Her hair was always cut in a cute short style and died a nice bright red color. She loved sitting outside in the sun on hot summer days. She'd drag her patio table and chairs out into her driveway (no umbrella) where she would read for hours while soaking up the rays.

Last week, I saw many trash cans filled with junk sitting outside by her curb and my mind took mental note. I've never seen her have more than one trash can and one recycle bin sitting outside during trash day so I began to wonder if she had passed away.

A few days later when I drove by I noticed a lady carrying boxes out to a U-Haul van parked in the driveway. Then, today when I drove by, I looked over to see a few more trashcans that had already been emptied earlier in the day. The pretty lace curtains that used to hang in her big living room window were gone, replaced by a vision of emptiness. I could see through into the darkened apartment where nary a thing remains.

I have to admit, I got a bit choked up. Maybe it's just the hormones of a woman inching ever closer to menopause (that's a different story), or maybe I'm just a softie, but I really felt a pang of sadness at the passing of a woman that I really didn't know.

What was she like? Was she ever married, or was she an old maid? Did she have any children? I'll probably never know for sure, but I'd like to imagine that she lived an exciting life in her youth, one filled with adventure and romance. That she loved fast and hard, that she had one child who doted on her, and that she enjoyed the lazier pace of her twilight years immersing herself in tales of enchantment as she basked in the warm glow of the Sun's rays.

It really is a reminder of how life is. It's finite for all living things, but infinite in general. Life continues on whether we're still here to be in it or not. It's also a reminder of how life is fleeting. I hoped she accomplished everything she wanted out of life, and died happy. It's what I would want. It's what we would all want.

R.I.P. sweet neighbor-lady,

H.A.