H.A. Larson's Blog, page 72

Looking Down from the Top

Today, I'm in one of those moods. Actually, it's been more like a week. As I mentioned in this post earlier in the week, I've had some nostalgia going on. Luckily though, I've moved past it for the most part, but now I'm dealing with another emotion. One that stems from my tendency to over-think things and tends to threaten my happiness as a result. Even my dreams have been bringing me down. In short, I'm in a funk.

Ever since I had the good fortune of securing my latest job, I've been feeling on top of the world, and why shouldn't I? I have a great job that I like, I have two wonderful kids that I love spending time with, I'm in the best physical shape that I've been in in many years, my writing career has been moving upwards since I began, and I have been checking things off my bucket list. Why then, am I feeling so down in the dumps?

I equate my current mood to standing on top of a mountain. I've been hiking it all day and I've just reached this summit. This feat leaves me feeling happy, jubilant, and exhilarated. Then--with a smile still fresh on my face--I look down, and suddenly everything changes. Just like that. In a literal blink of an eye I've gone from being on top of the world to feeling down in the pits. What happened? Looking down isn't that daunting, and besides, why does it detract from all the positive emotions I've been experiencing?

I know that I'm somehow sabotaging myself, but I don't know why. More importantly, why do I put myself through this? I know that a lot of it stems from the years that I spent with a person who has a mental disorder that completely disrupted my life. Their happiness was rare and fleeting, and it really took a lot from me over the years. Their negativity impacted my life with such magnitude that I suffered from PTSD for awhile last year.

While I know this accounts for a lot of the negative breaks in an otherwise positive life, I also know, deep down inside, something else lurks. Something inside of me wants to give up, wants to be overly-sensitive about things I shouldn't, feels like a failure, and tries to prevent me from moving forward. Am I scared of my future? How do I deal with what I'm feeling?

I think I'm going to employ a few tactics to help me deal with my funk and better recognize it when it rears it's ugly head so I can rid myself of it sooner. I've heard that finding three things to be thankful for everyday can really do wonders for positive mental energy. I'm going to start keeping a journal of this and see how it goes. Do any of you do this?

Also, I'm going to spend the next couple of days immersing myself in things that make me happy and avoid things that I know can bring me down. My hope is that by reminding myself of the good things, it will help balance out the bad. Do any of you do this either?

Additionally, I'm going to throw myself into my craft. It always brings me peace when I work on a project, and, of course, I share my world with you: my dear reader. As always, I appreciate your presence and would love your input. Email or comment me here.

Yours,

H.A.

Final Teaser from "The Station"

Hey everyone! I'm pleased to announce that my third book, "The Station", will be released in time for Halloween! Since I released my first book on Halloween of last year, this is an amazing milestone for me. I figured it was time for a third (in honor of my third book), and final, teaser from the book. Are you ready? Enjoy!




Eric’s eyes fluttered open. The sun was shining weakly on his face. He was very cold and lying in the dirt. Disoriented, he began to sit up, but was overcome with a headache that felt like it was going to rip his skull apart. He gingerly touched the back of his head, and felt the patch of blood that had coagulated there. A ringing in his ears added insult to injury, and when he went to touch them he felt more dried blood.            He struggled to stand up as he remembered the incident from last night and how he ended up in his current predicament. From the way the light streamed down in a gray haze, he realized dawn was just beginning to break. Considering the time of year that it was, it couldn’t be any later than 7:30 a.m. When he was finally upright, he staggered as he walked, and used the trees around him to keep from falling down.              His head was throbbing and his gait was uneasy, but he still managed to find his way out of the woods and onto the familiar path to the cabin. Daylight, gray as it was, was completely upon him as he stopped in front of the deck steps to rest. He willed himself the rest of the way into house and made sure to lock the screen door behind him.             He swayed along the hallway to the master bedroom where he drew a bath, undressed, and climbed in. He closed his eyes and fell asleep as the warm water soothed his aching body. When he opened his eyes again, the water was frigid. His body wasn’t as sore as it was when he first got in the tub but he was freezing so he leaned over to pull the plug. Covered in goose bumps, he stood up and turned on the shower as hot as he could stand. The water rained down over him, taking the chills away along with the pain.               Clean, and in better shape than when he had first returned, he rooted around in the medicine cabinet for some pain reliever. He swallowed down four with a glass of water, and then retired to the comfy couch. He went over in his mind the events from the night before and tried to figure out exactly what had happened. He must have been so entranced in fear by the woman from his nightmares, that he hadn’t heard a large limb, or maybe a tree itself, as it came crashing down on the back of his head.            He tried to convince himself, but he didn’t recall having to move a tree nor a large limb in order to get up off the forest floor. Then he reminded himself that the whatever it was could have rolled off a few feet in any direction away from him. Maybe he hallucinated the whole thing, but he didn’t think so. Confused, but unsure of what he should do, he decided to watch an old movie and put it out of his mind.            The movie couldn’t hold his attention and his thoughts kept returning to all the odd happenings that had occurred since he had returned to his hometown. Something was going on, and disparaging thoughts of captive women in the woods seized control of his mind. 







Excerpt from "The Station" 2015. All rights belong to the author, H.A. Larson, and any use is strictly prohibited.  

Nostalgia

Is there anything more amazing than the human brain? Made of soft tissue instead of metal & wires, it performs a variety of calculations much like a supercomputer. Every day, our brains make decisions, plan futures, figure out details, and run us through a myriad of emotions. It's a marvel within itself, and while I love it, it can also be my biggest pain.
Let's talk about those myriad of emotions a little bit more shall we? We all know the gambit of feelings our brain instructs us to feel, and how sometimes they're a blessing, other times they can be a curse, and, on certain days, they lie somewhere in the middle. That's how I've been feeling over the last few days: in the middle.
It's probably proper that my emotions are somewhere between bitter and sweet, because I am at a crossroads in my life. I am firmly in between my past and my future. I've been planning, for quite some time, a new beginning for my life, but as far as proper planning goes, if you want to do things right, sometimes you have to take your time. That's where I am.
That time allows for a smooth transition, but it also allows my brain to deal with the past. It's important to deal with the past in order to move forward, but it's still a roller coaster of sorts. For me, it's been nostalgia. The last several days have been a wave of simulataneously feeling happy and sad. 
In everyone's life, relationships we have with other people are fluid. They change, grow, develop, and enrich us. Sometimes those relationships drift apart. While that can be a good or bad thing, depending on the situation, it still comes with a lot of emotional baggage that one is left to deal with. 
I've had plenty of interpersonal relationships with many people over the years. Some have been really great and long-lasting. Some were never meant to be more than blips on life's radar. Some have been bad and didn't end soon enough. Only one, for me, has been a mixture of good and bad that lasted a long time but ran it's course. 
Sometimes you outgrow another person, and even though you want it to be what it once was...it won't. You can try all you want to preserve what it used to be, but life moves at it's own pace and what will be, will be. Even though I recognize it for what it is now and am ready to embrace my future on my own, I'm still nostalgic for what that relationship used to mean to me. I miss the closeness, the intimacy, the things we had in common that we enjoyed doing together, and the way it felt like we were a solid unit when we were out and about doing things.
What I don't miss is the arguing, the fighting, the way we could never agree about the important things in life, how it seemsed our lives were drifting farther & farther apart, how we didn't like to do the same things anymore, and how it felt like there was a big wall between us. 
The truth is, it isn't what is used to be, it is what it is as of right now. Nostalgia wants me to forget that sometimes and throw myself back into a relationship that no longer fits me, no longer grows me, and no longer works. You can't always fix what's already broken, but maybe, just maybe, a little part of me wishes I could. I need to move on from the nostalgia so I'm going to take a few moments to remember the good things about the relationship, and then bid it farewell. 
We had some good times, you and me. A lot of good times actually, and we created something wonderful. For those things I am forever grateful. We also had more bad times, horrible times really, than good. I will never miss those, but I will take them as a learning experience. They helped define who I am now, and I like who I am now.
Thanks for the memories. Peace be with you my friend. 
Forever, H

Minneapolis Trip

I've been busy the last several days so I didn't see much point in trying to get much done in the way of social media. I took my kids to Minneapolis for the weekend where we had lots of fun. We got there Friday evening and went out to eat at a pizza place that served omni and vegan pizzas. I had an amazing pizza with vegan brownies for dessert. It was delicious! 
Saturday we went to the Minnesota Renaissance Festival (for those of you who don't already know, I am a die-hard Ren Faire fanatic). I was there once many, many years ago and didn't remember that it's one of the largest Ren Faires in the country. Between the Ren Faire, using the hotel gym, and walking around the city some more we did 12 miles of walking that day. I reached another milestone weight-wise, so that was a nice added bonus.
We headed back home Sunday morning because I had to go back to work that evening. Yesterday I had to put away all the stuff from our trip, clean the house, and get some shopping done. I did relax last night which was much-needed. 
So, all in all, we had a blast. Here's a few pics of our journey.




A view of Minneapolis from out hotel room. We had a room on the 23rd floor, which was really cool.



At the Ren Faire. This was the first act we saw when we arrived. An escape artist who got out of a straight jacket. Very cool.



The legendary, world-famous Puke & Snot was at the faire! I had always heard that if one ever got a chance to see them, not to miss them. I didn't think I'd ever get to see them so that was exciting! They were awesome.



The kids rode on old-fashioned rides like this one. Fun!




Fandazzi Fire Circus. This was really cool. They had a band that accompanied them, and they were all amazing. I made a video of it.





Balancing an ice sculpture on the head. 



After relaxing for a bit after the Ren Faire, we headed over to Minnehaha Park. I had heard that there were falls there, and there sure was. Beautiful! It was kind of late when we arrived, but no worries, they light it up.



A view of the city from the top floor of the parking ramp at the hotel. The kids wanted to go to the top, and I didn't care. It was fun.


Last, but not least, we drove by this sign on the way to and fro. We thought it was pretty funny. Maybe we'll stop at Manly Forest City sometime.  ;)

National Daughter's Day

When my husband and I first starting dating, I had a 3-year old son. As our relationship started getting serious and we started planning a future together, I let him know that I was done having children. I didn't feel like I was that great of a mom, and I knew that I really hated pregnancy and childbirth, so my son was the only child I ever planned on having.
A few years into living together, my not-quite-husband turned to me and said, "Are you sure you don't want any more children?" I pondered on his words for a moment and realized that he wasn't wanting a simple yes or no answer. He wanted me to have his baby. At that moment I decided that maybe I did want another baby, and since I was 32-years old at the time, I suggested that we get started right away. I was sure, but I was apprehensive. 
The next year, right around my son's 6th birthday, I had tell-tale signs of being pregnant. One home pregnancy test and one trip to the OB-GYN later, it was confirmed: I was going to have another baby.I was a nervous, for many reasons, but I was excited too. On June 27, 2006, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl and instantly fell in love, just like I had with my son nearly seven years prior. My fears of not being a good mother subsided as I adjusted to having two children, and my skills as a mother became more concrete. Having another baby taught me how to be a better mom and I really blossomed into motherhood after that.
Now, my handsome son is 15 and my beautiful daughter is 9. While parenting has had it's ups and downs--we've all had our trying days--I'm thankful everyday for my children. They've given my life so much joy and meaning, and I absolutely love every moment I get to spend with them. There are no two people I'd rather spend time with.
My daughter is no longer a baby, she's growing up fast right before my eyes. It's bittersweet for sure as I miss the little thing who relied on me for everything, but at the same time I relish seeing the strong, independent girl she is becoming. So today, on National Daughter's Day, I want to wish the best of days to one of the sweetest, kindest, smartest, and prettiest little girls I know. Thanks for being my daughter and choosing me as your mom, and, to that end, I hope I have lived up to expectations. I love you baby girl. 

Family, Friends, Food, and Fun

Hello everyone! It's been a few days since my last post, so I figured I was due for one. I took a much-needed break this weekend. Even when I'm not working at my regular job, I still devote some time, nearly every day, to doing social media promotion and working on my book. I also work on any side projects that need to be taken care of as well. This weekend though, I took a break from all of it. I had friends from out-of-town stay overnight two different evenings. 
The first set came as a surprise for my best friend's birthday. I had people over where we enjoyed drinks and hors d'oeuvres. It was a pleasant, relaxing evening filled with great conversation and laughs.
The next day I took my kids on a gorgeous hike at one of our favorite spots. The weather was in the high 60s and we enjoyed the bugless, nearly fall look that the landscape is acquiring. We are looking forward to fall!
My bank had member days on Sunday and I took the kids for free entertainment, free t-shirts, free activities, and free food. It was a good time!

The last set of visiting friends stopped by before their big move out to the West coast. They were treated to a large, fabulous vegan meal of spicy lentil chili garnished with cheeze sauce; cripsy, baked pita triangles; and a simple green salad dressed with a peanut-style viniagrette & homemade croutons. It was a big hit and everyone went in for seconds, and even thirds!



I also realized that I hadn't spent a single evening outside this year either. I have a back patio and usually, many times over each summer, I sit out there with tiki torches and a big bonfire. It's a great, peaceful way to relax and reflect over a drink. We decided to make one in the front yard instead and we enjoyed our wine with a comfortable fire. The weather was perfect for it, not too hot nor too cold and the fire felt just right.



Luckily, I had enough of this year's batch of my homemade mulberry schnapps leftover to pour myself one final drink on the rocks and enjoy. It was a satisfying conclusion to a great weekend. 



Today, after my friends helped clean up and go on their way, I got back to business doing my author groove, and here shortly I'm on to my work week. 

I hope you have a fabulous day and a terrific week!
Much love,
H.A.

Life: The Infinitely Finite

One block over from my house is a street that I drive on daily. Nearly every day for the last five years, I have driven by a little yellow duplex located on that street. While I've never met the occupants there personally, I've driven by there so many times that I feel like I kind of "know" them.

The right side of the duplex has had a menagerie of young girls that have moved in and out of the duplex over the years, but the left side has always been occupied by an elderly woman. If I had to guess her age, I'd guess her to be about 75. I would even venture to say that she was a young 75. Her hair was always cut in a cute short style and died a nice bright red color. She loved sitting outside in the sun on hot summer days. She'd drag her patio table and chairs out into her driveway (no umbrella) where she would read for hours while soaking up the rays.

Last week, I saw many trash cans filled with junk sitting outside by her curb and my mind took mental note. I've never seen her have more than one trash can and one recycle bin sitting outside during trash day so I began to wonder if she had passed away.

A few days later when I drove by I noticed a lady carrying boxes out to a U-Haul van parked in the driveway. Then, today when I drove by, I looked over to see a few more trashcans that had already been emptied earlier in the day. The pretty lace curtains that used to hang in her big living room window were gone, replaced by a vision of emptiness. I could see through into the darkened apartment where nary a thing remains.

I have to admit, I got a bit choked up. Maybe it's just the hormones of a woman inching ever closer to menopause (that's a different story), or maybe I'm just a softie, but I really felt a pang of sadness at the passing of a woman that I really didn't know.

What was she like? Was she ever married, or was she an old maid? Did she have any children? I'll probably never know for sure, but I'd like to imagine that she lived an exciting life in her youth, one filled with adventure and romance. That she loved fast and hard, that she had one child who doted on her, and that she enjoyed the lazier pace of her twilight years immersing herself in tales of enchantment as she basked in the warm glow of the Sun's rays.

It really is a reminder of how life is. It's finite for all living things, but infinite in general. Life continues on whether we're still here to be in it or not. It's also a reminder of how life is fleeting. I hoped she accomplished everything she wanted out of life, and died happy. It's what I would want. It's what we would all want.

R.I.P. sweet neighbor-lady,

H.A.

Dealing with Criticism

I'm no stranger to criticism. As a writer who's done a myriad of work--including editing, writing for blogs, writing for magazines, and publishing my own paranormal fiction novellas--I'm used to receiving criticism for that work.
Typically, when I get critical feedback I take a moment to sit back and really reflect on what was said. I'll deconstruct their words and delve into the meaning behind them. More often than not, I am upset with what I hear, and that prevents me from grasping the true intent. I'll find that what they've said is actually constructive so I'll try to take away something significant from it. I understand that they were trying to give some solid advice and not trying to be a jerk.
I also try to remind myself that usually I'm upset, not at what they've said, but with my expectations of how I thought they would respond. I'll pump myself up by thinking, "Surely they will think it's just as awesome as I do!" so when I don't get the reaction I'm expecting, I get upset. Again, I remind myself that they're not really trying to be a jerk, but rather that my expectations were too high.
Other times, it's just that they don't look at my work the way that most other people do. In these instances, then, I simply acknowledge their words and then throw them away in my mental trash can. Not everyone is going to 'get it'. In other words, not everyone is going to see what I'm trying to do with my work or where I'm going with it.
Recently, I had a different kind of criticism. I employed all my above tactics with it, and while I understood that some of it was the 'they don't get it' kind of criticism, it really was a calculated attempt to completely undermine my work and make me feel bad. It was a rough blow. I actually cried, something that I've always tried very hard not to do when it comes to my craft. I know that I can't let things get to me or I'll never be able to make it in this business without losing it and/or giving up. 
So how, then, should I deal with such cruel words? After giving myself some time to 'grieve', I let it go by recognizing it for what it truly was. I'm not going to let one bitter person's words derail my career and all the hard work I've done towards that end. I'm going to take it as a learning experience in dealing with a whole new level of criticism, and, of course, I'm going to share it with you.
You are the reason I keep doing what I do. This website gets a lot of traffic, and while I don't get many comments, I am humbled and uplifted by your presence. I believe in me, and I know you do too. So thanks. Thanks for being here, believing in me, and 'getting it'. 
Have a fantastic day,
H.A. 

Vegan-style Bacon-Jack Jalapeno Poppers

Recently, I've been craving jalapeno poppers. It was one of my favorite snacks when I was still an omnivore, and I admit, I was missing them. I had a block of Daiya Jack cheese that I wasn't fond of...at all. I love the Daiya Cheddar, but the Jack has that aftertaste I disdain in vegan cheese. 
When I concocted the idea to make vegan jalapeno poppers, I had a bag of jalapenos and that block of jack cheese to use up. So here's how I did it.




Ingredients:
10 jalapenos
For the bacon:
1/2 block tempeh, crumbled up2 T. Bragg's liquid aminos (soy sauce or tamari is fine)1 t. liquid smoke 1 splash of lemon juice1/2 t. garlic powder
For the rest of the filling:
1 container of vegan cream cheese1 T. salt-free seasoning (any works)1/2 c. grated vegan jack cheese
For the topping:
1/2 c. plain breadcrumbs

Instructions:
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.2. Add the bacon ingredients to a bowl, mixing well. Set aside for 15 minutes.3. Mix up the rest of the filling ingredients in a large bowl and put into the refrigerator.4. Cut the tops off the jalapenos. Cut them in half and take out the seeds and the veins.5. Line a cookie sheet with tinfoil and brush a tablespoon of canola oil on it. 6. Heat two tablespoons of oil (any kind will do) on medium-high heat in a frying pan. Add the marinated tempeh bacon pieces and fry until crisp. Remove from pan onto a plate lined with paper towels until cooled, about 5 minutes.7. Take the filling out of the fridge and add the cooled bacon pieces. Mix well.8. Fill your jalapeno halves and set on the lined cookie sheet. They will look like this:


9. When you have filled all the jalapeno halves, sprinkle the tops of them generously with the bread crumbs.10. Put them in the pre-heated oven and bake for 25-30 minutes. After that, turn the oven to broil, leaving the poppers in the oven, and broil for just a couple of minutes, until the tops are nice and brown. Don't burn! (Skip if you might forget and burn. lol)  


These poppers are addictively good. Give them a try today!

I'm giving 20 people a chance to read The Melody for free!

"Jessie is twenty and feels stuck living with her parents in the Nebraska countryside after a failed year of college. Her mom is always brooding and angry, and they just can't seem to get along. Things begin to change when she runs into Matt, who graduated high school the year before Jessie, and they begin a romance. 

After their first date, she wakes up with a melody stuck in her head. Lovely at first, it becomes a constant source of frustration and a true menace at times as she struggles to deal with its persistence and the constant tension within her family. 

One day, a stranger comes into the cafe where she works and recognizes the song as she hums it. Could it have something to do with Christie Anderson, who's been missing for twenty years, and who just happened to be her mom's best friend? 

Can she unravel the bitter threads of her life and solve a mystery before it's too late?"


Do you like a good mystery? Does this sound like a book you would be interested in reading? Could you read it in three weeks and review it promptly afterwards? If you answered yes to all three of these questions, then I would be interested in doing a swap. I give you a free PDF file of my book The Melody, and in exchange you promise to read it in three week's time and then review it on amazon. It's that simple. 

If you answered no to any of these questions, or do not think you can read and review it in three weeks then this giveaway is not for you! As an indie author, I count on reviews to help boost my author profile and bring more notice to my work. As I near the finish of my third book, The Station (my best yet!), I really want to get more exposure for my second book to elevate my author profile in preparation. Can you help me out?

If you are interested (please, please, serious inquiries only), email me at halarsonwriter@gmail.com and we'll talk about how we can have a mutually beneficial relationship.  ;)


Warmest regards,

H.A. Larson