Julie Arduini's Blog, page 84
May 4, 2017
Total Surrender by Cynthia Roemer
TOTAL SURRENDER
By
Cynthia Roemer
I’ve always been inspired by those who are willing to give their all for the cause of Christ.—missionaries who give up home and family to live in foreign lands in less than comfortable places, men, women, even children who stand by their convictions regardless of the consequences. These people have counted the cost and surrendered their lives to God anyway.
Surrendering our lives to God never comes easily. If you’re like me, you can give a situation to the Lord only to take it back again and again in a tug-of-war for control. I suppose that’s why I wrote about the theme of total surrender in my debut novel, Under This Same Sky.
My heroine, Becky Hollister, doesn’t willingly choose to surrender her will to God; instead, adverse circumstances compel her to choose between entrusting her life to Him or turning her back on her faith. It’s touch and go for a while. After enduring great suffering and loss, Becky questions how a loving God can allow such hurtful events to happen.
Under This Same Sky takes readers on a journey alongside Becky as she works through her resentment toward God and seeks to determine what His will for her might be. But just as in real life, it takes the wisdom of God’s word and the love of friends (and in Becky’s case, a godly man) to pull her through.
Becky’s story is a tale of friendship and love, but even more so, it’s a quest for wholeness and deeper understanding of a God who longs to hold the deepest desires of her heart. Fully surrendering to the Lord is something I believe we all struggle to achieve. I hope you’ll be encouraged by Becky’s story and the message of surrender it conveys.
Under This Same Sky Book Blurb:
~ She thought she’d lost everything ~ Instead she found what she needed most. ~
Illinois ~ 1854
Becky Hollister wants nothing more than to live out her days on the prairie, building a life for herself alongside her future husband. But when a tornado rips through her parents’ farm, killing her mother and sister, she must leave the only home she’s ever known and the man she’s begun to love to accompany her injured father to St. Louis.
Catapulted into a world of unknowns, Becky finds solace in corresponding with Matthew Brody, the handsome pastor back home. But when word comes that he is all but engaged to someone else, she must call upon her faith to decipher her future.
AUTHOR BIO:
Cynthia Roemer is an award-winning inspirational writer with a heart for scattering seeds of hope into the lives of readers. Raised in the cornfields of rural Illinois, Cynthia enjoys spinning tales set in the backdrop of the 1800s prairie. She writes from her family farm in central Illinois where she resides with her husband and their two college-aged sons. Under This Same Sky is her debut novel.
Contact Links:
Website: http://cynthiaroemer.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCynthiaRoemer/
Twitter: https://twitter.com@cynthiaroemer
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Sabbath Sunday: Ever-Present Character Confession: What Imperfect Progress Looks Like On Me Movie Review: Women of Faith: An Amazing Joyful Journey Thankful for Perspective Character Confession: God Help Us AllCopyright © Julie Arduini [Total Surrender by Cynthia Roemer], All Right Reserved. 2017.The post Total Surrender by Cynthia Roemer appeared first on Julie Arduini.
May 3, 2017
More About the Patriot and the Loyalist by Angela Couch
Back Cover:
Completing his three years in the Continental Army, Daniel Reid still has no desire to return home-not after losing the woman he loves to a British Captain-so he volunteers to ride south through enemy lines and deliver a message to Colonel Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox. With his temper needing a release and a dark haired beauty finding her way into his broken heart, Daniel decides to join the Swamp Fox’s efforts against the British. Little does he know the British still have the upper hand.
Lydia Reynolds has learned that love comes at a price, and she refuses to pay. Better to close her heart to everything and everyone. When her brother-in-law won’t grant her passage to England, where she hopes to hide from her pain, New Englander, Daniel Reid, becomes her only hope-if she can induce him to give her information about the notorious Swamp Fox and his troops. When the British grow impatient and Daniel evades her questions, Lydia must decide how far to take her charade. The poor man, already gutted by love, hasn’t grown as wise as she. Or so she supposes. . .
Until the truth is known, the muskets are loaded. . .and it is time to decide where true loyalties lie.
Bio:
To keep from freezing in the Great White North, Angela K Couch cuddles under quilts with her laptop. Winning short story contests, being a semi-finalist in ACFW’s Genesis Contest, and a finalist in the International Digital Awards also helped warm her up. As a passionate believer in Christ, her faith permeates the stories she tells. Her martial arts training, experience with horses, and appreciation for good romance sneak in there, as well. When not writing, she stays fit (and warm) by chasing after three munchkins.
Website: www.angelakcouch.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AngelaKCouch
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/angelakcou…
Buy links:
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Patriot-Loya…
Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/pat…
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Character Confession: Yes, I Really Glued my Fingers Together The Things That Keep Me Up At Night Week of Questions---Who Would You Want 20 Minutes to Talk To? COTT: Five Fab Feb Book Releases Win a $500 Weekend Getaway Package from @ColleenCoble and Connect with Her at 8/23 PartyCopyright © Julie Arduini [More About the Patriot and the Loyalist by Angela Couch], All Right Reserved. 2017.The post More About the Patriot and the Loyalist by Angela Couch appeared first on Julie Arduini.
May 2, 2017
Don’t Miss This: The Patriot and the Loyalist by Angela Couch
Completing his three years in the Continental Army, Daniel Reid still has no desire to return home—not after losing the woman he loves to a British Captain—so he volunteers to ride south through enemy lines and deliver a message to Colonel Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox. With his temper needing a release and a dark haired beauty finding her way into his broken heart, Daniel decides to join the Swamp Fox’s efforts against the British. Little does he know the British still have the upper hand.
Lydia Reynolds has learned that love comes at a price, and she refuses to pay. Better to close her heart to everything and everyone. When her brother-in-law won’t grant her passage to England, where she hopes to hide from her pain, New Englander, Daniel Reid, becomes her only hope—if she can induce him to give her information about the notorious Swamp Fox and his troops. When the British grow impatient and Daniel evades her questions, Lydia must decide how far to take her charade. The poor man, already gutted by love, hasn’t grown as wise as she. Or so she supposes…
Until the truth is known, the muskets are loaded…and it is time to decide where true loyalties lie.
Available at: Barnes & Noble Indigo/Chapters Amazon
Reviews:
A poignant blend of adversity and love set against the gritty backdrop of war, Angela Couch skillfully weaves a redemptive story that will keep fans of historical romance turning pages and rooting for a happily ever after.
~Heidi McCahan, author of Unraveled and Covering Home
From the descriptive pen of award-winning historical author Angela K Couch comes an intriguing tale of lies and deceit that will keep you turning the pages way into the night… I always enjoy Angela’s stories where history meets fiction. The Patriot and The Loyalist was no exception.
~ Marion Ueckermann, USA Today Bestselling Author
The Patriot and the Loyalist brings readers a Revolutionary War historical that will keep them reading both for the romance and the intrigue.
~Janet Ferguson, author of Leaving Oxford
Angela K Couch delivers once again. The only problem with The Patriot and the Loyalist−it is impossible to put aside. Filled with realistic characters, its wonderful storyline stays with you long after you finish reading.
~Lucy Nel, author of The Widow’s Captive
Tags: ACFW, Angela Couch, author, Don't Miss This: The Patriot and the Loyalist by Angela Couch, historical romance, Julie Arduini, New ReleaseDel.icio.us
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COTT: A Noble Masquerade by Kristi Ann Hunter Character Confession: I Am Not a Pez Dispenser Now Available: Forager, Dystopian Novel, by Peter R. Stone COTT: Jerusha Agen and This Redeemer Book Review: Beth K. Vogt's Wish You Were HereCopyright © Julie Arduini [Don't Miss This: The Patriot and the Loyalist by Angela Couch], All Right Reserved. 2017.The post Don’t Miss This: The Patriot and the Loyalist by Angela Couch appeared first on Julie Arduini.
April 30, 2017
Cinderella’s Boot by Darlene Franklin
Cinderella’s Boot by Darlene Franklin
At its heart, Cinderella Boot is a story about second chances, and change is the engine creating that chance.
“Cinderella,” Cynthia Ellen Cooper, left her fiancé at the altar four years ago—to work on a sheep station in Australia. She wanted to spread her wings before marriage tied her down forever.
Keith never recovered from the deep wound Cynthia dealt him. After graduation from vet school, he returns home to work in his father’s practice—where Cynthia now works as a pet groomer and vet assistant.
The former couple forms an uneasy working truce. Cynthia soon realizes she loves Keith more than ever and wonders if she can win back his truck. Her pastor suggests she study the life of John Mark. the gospel writer and companion to the apostles Peter and Paul.
Mark ran away from his responsibilities, too—he left Paul and Barnabas in a lurch during their first missionary journey. Paul refused to have anything further to do with the young man. Years later, however, Paul described Mark as his companion in the ministry, and at the end of his life, asked for Mark specifically because he was helpful to him.
Cynthia starts at that point: she makes herself helpful to Keith. Not only in the office, but even in his social life. She takes him to new, local restaurants for him to decide on the location for his date with of their patients.
Since Cinderella’s Boot is a romance, the answer to “will they?” is a given. I’ll let you read the book to discover the answer to “how will they?”
My point is—Keith and Cindy’s second chance at love came as they changed. When his attitude changed. When she became a servant.
My second chance at better physical health started with my attitude. I decided to work, whether or not it hurt, whether or not I thought I could. If the therapist challenged me to try, I did. Now I can walk, at least until my lungs give out. I can lift my arms higher than in five years. I can sit up from a laying down position and get into a car.
Believe it or not, those aren’t as simple as they seem for someone in a wheelchair.
One of the many things I praise God for—every day is a new beginning. Today I don’t have to repeat yesterday’s failures!
Bio:
Best-selling hybrid author Darlene Franklin’s greatest claim to fame is that she writes full-time from a nursing home. This year she expects to reach fifty unique titles in print and she’s also contributed to more than twenty nonfiction titles. Her column, “The View Through my Door,” appears in four monthly magazines. Her most recent titles are Capturing the Rancher’s Heart, Romancing the Ranger, and Cinderella’s Boot.
Links:
Twitter: @darlenefranklin
Cinderella’s Boot:
Cynthia Ellen Cooper—known affectionately as “Cinderella”—left her wedding boot in the dust when she ran away from her wedding to work on a sheep station in Australia. Four years later, she’s back home—and so is her ex-fiancé, now a DVM from Oklahoma State University. They reach a truce and work side by side in his father’s animal clinic. Cyn soon discovers she wants more—but she has to battle bad history and a demanding pet owner for Keith’s attention. How can Cinderella find a second chance at love?
PURCHASE CINDERELLA’S BOOT HERE
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Thankful: David Thankful for Writers Who Change, Inspire, and Enable Us to Remember Whose We Are Never Take Your Freedom For Granted Mother of Pearl: Sheila Walsh's Joy Comes from Perseverance Fiction Friday: No IdeaCopyright © Julie Arduini [Cinderella's Boot by Darlene Franklin], All Right Reserved. 2017.The post Cinderella’s Boot by Darlene Franklin appeared first on Julie Arduini.
April 27, 2017
A Highland Pearl Character Interview by Brenda B. Taylor
A Highland Pearl Character Interview
Greetings from 16th century Scotland. My name is Andrew Dubh Munro. I’m know as the Black Falcon of Fàrdach, and I am the Thirteenth Baron and Chief of Clan Munro. My home is located in the Scottish Highlands on the north shore of Cromarty Firth. The seat of my clan, the place I reside, is Fàrdach Castle. Fàrdach is a Gaelic word meaning, home. Gaelic is my first language, although in order to trade with merchants in Inverness and other places, I also speak Inglish and French.
My father, Sir William Munro was killed in a battle with the MacKenzie Clan. The MacKenzies and Munros have been feuding since that time. I wanted to bring peace between the two peoples, but Hugh MacKenzie and his warriors continued to reive Munro cattle and destroy Munro property. While confronting the reivers one day, I was seriously wounded, and thought I would die.
My brother, Gavin, sent for a bonnie lass and healer from the nearby village of Drumainn. Maidie saved my life, and I fell in love with her. She was a strong believer in the Lord of All Creation. I wanted to take Maidie as my wife, but she was hesitant since I, at that time, did not believe.
One night, the MacKenzies burned one of the Munro villages, and I accompanied my brother and our warriors in the chase for the culprits. My injury had not healed completely, and I could not keep up. I insisted Gavin and the band of warriors go on without me. My gille, Colin, stayed with me. We made ourselves comfortable and settled down to wait for Gavin’s return.
I soon learned the burned village was a trap to get me out of the castle. The MacKenzies captured Colin and me, and took us to the dungeon of their castle. We stayed in the dungeon five days, eating rancid meat and drinking foul water. Our physical condition weakened until I thought the two of us would die.
Being thrown into the dungeon was the best thing that could have happened to me. Colin was a believer and taught me the way to the Lord through his son, Jesus the Christ. I prayed and was accepted into the Lord’s kingdom. I wasn’t afraid to die then, for I knew Heaven awaited.
Hugh MacKenzie released us on the urging of my former father-in-law, Bryson Fraser. The story takes many turns and twists before Maidie and I were reunited and I declared my love for her. The miracle was, she loved me in return and promised to become my wife. The Lord truly blessed me with the desire of my heart—Maidie Cameron Munro.
My story is told in the novel by Brenda B. Taylor, A Highland Pearl. Secure your copy today while the e-book is on sale at most vendors. You will enjoy the adventure through the beautiful Scottish Highlands.
A Highland Pearl
A Highland Pearl
A sweet romance blossoms amidst feuding and war. With her reputation at stake after being accused of practicing witchcraft and hated as a member of a rival clan, Maidie considers leaving Clan Munro and returning to the home of her birth in Clan Cameron. Fierce battles, a tragic encounter, and a handsome clan chief compel her to make crucial decisions in this haunting romance set in the16th century Highlands of Scotland.
Buy Links:
Author Bio:
The desire to write historical fiction has long been a passion with Brenda B. Taylor. Since elementary school, she has written stories in her spare time. Brenda earned three degrees: a BSE from Henderson State University, Arkadelphia, Arkansas; a MEd from Sam Houston State University, Huntsville, Texas; and an EdD from Texas A&M University, College Station, Texas; then worked as a teacher and administrator in the Texas Public School system. Only after retirement could she fulfill the dream of publication.
Brenda and her husband make their home in beautiful East Texas where they enjoy spending time with family and friends, traveling, and working in Bethabara Faith Ministry, Inc. She crafts stories about the extraordinary lives of ordinary people in her favorite place overlooking bird feeders, bird houses, and a variety of blooming trees and flowers. She sincerely thanks all who purchase and read her books. Her desire is that the message in each book will touch the heart of the reader as it did hers in the writing.
Author Contact Information:
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Guest Blogger Jill Schultz: It Takes a Strong Leader to be an Army Chaplain Book Review: Thin Ice by Irene Hannon Book Review: It Had to be You by Susan May Warren What 47 Looks Like on Me Guest Blogger Author Susan May Warren: Take a Chance on Jensen AtwoodCopyright © Julie Arduini [A Highland Pearl Character Interview by Brenda B. Taylor], All Right Reserved. 2017.The post A Highland Pearl Character Interview by Brenda B. Taylor appeared first on Julie Arduini.
April 26, 2017
Transformation: Relationships Need Change by Toni Shiloh
I’m so glad to be here today. I wanted to talk about transformation, specifically the ones we experience in relationships. If you’ve been in a relationship, you realize being in a relationship is a transformation all on its own. When two people decide to become one, there’s a growing process that HAS to happen. Not because we want it to happen, but because you can’t put two unique people in a relationship and stay the same. It’s not going to happen.
But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. God created man and woman so that we would not go through life alone. We comfort one another, lift one up when the other is weak. Everything we do should be to help the other be better.
Of course, it doesn’t always happen the way we like. We don’t always see changes in our spouse that we want. But reading about relationship transformation in a fictional book, is highly entertaining and oftentimes, offers us an example for real life. In A Proxy Wedding my story in A Spring of Weddings Collections, Carly James and Damien Nichols discover you have to change in order to be in a relationship. There’s a give and take that must occur in order for it to be successful.
But it’s so hard to do and that’s where God comes in. Without His guidance, His direction, and of course His ability to make us better, relationships would be impossible. It is when our relationship with God is at its best, that our relationship with others improve.
How has being in a relationship with God transformed you?
“A Proxy Wedding” releasing in A Spring of Weddings Collection May 3rd!
Blurb: Carly James values loyalty and friendship above all. So when her best friend calls asking her to be a proxy bride, she says, ‘yes.’ How hard can it be to say ‘I do’ so that her best friend can be with the one she loves? Only, Carly never counted on the feelings that began to swirl around with the proxy groom.
Damien Nichols likes life lined up from A to Z, but when his best friend calls in a favor, disorder begins to reign. Instead of taking a quick flight to the proxy wedding, he has to take a road trip with the proxy bride. Carly’s free-spirit attitude bumps heads with his meticulous approach to life. As Damien discovers the woman underneath the carefree façade, his emotions become involved.
Will love become real at A Proxy Wedding?
Bio: Toni Shiloh is a wife, mom, and Christian fiction writer. Once she understood the powerful saving grace thanks to the love of Christ, she was moved to honor her Savior. She writes to bring Him glory and to learn more about His goodness.
She spends her days hanging out with her husband and their two boys. She is a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) and the president of the ACFW Virginia Chapter.
You can find her on her website at http://tonishiloh.weebly.com.
Links:
Purchase: http://amzn.to/2opjTko
Facebook: www.facebook.com/authortonishiloh
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/116452363653059921235/posts
Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/tonishiloh
Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/tonishiloh
Bookbub: www.bookbub.com/authors/toni-shiloh
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tonishiloh
Blogs I’m part of: http://puttingonthenew.com ; http://heartwingsblog.com ; http://diversitybetweenthepages.wordpress.com
Tags: A Spring of Weddings, author, fiction, guest blogger, Julie Arduini, relationships, Toni Shiloh, transformation, Transformation: Relationships Need Change by Toni ShilohDel.icio.us
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Thankful: David Thankful for Writers Who Change, Inspire, and Enable Us to Remember Whose We Are Write Integrity Press Christmas: Celebrating Christ's Birthday COTT: The Babel Conspiracy by Sylvia Bambola COTT: Cynthia L. Simmons Interviews 2012 Laurel Award Winner Laura V. Hilton New Beginnings by Sharron CosbyCopyright © Julie Arduini [Transformation: Relationships Need Change by Toni Shiloh], All Right Reserved. 2017.The post Transformation: Relationships Need Change by Toni Shiloh appeared first on Julie Arduini.
April 25, 2017
My Infertility Walk in the Valley—#NIAW
April 23-29 is National Infertility Awareness Week, #NIAW. The theme this year is Listen Up, and I thought I’d share a bit of my story.
I call infertility the sorority no woman wants to join. When my doctor explained that the pelvic pain and irregular periods I was having was most likely PCOS, polycystic ovaries, I was naive. He sat me down and talked for 45 minutes about his wife’s experience with endometriosis. He let me know there was a good chance that I would not conceive on my own. When it was time to leave, he made sure I knew that he wasn’t the final say. He had a strong faith, and he gave me tips on what to do.
I didn’t feel the reality of the diagnosis right away because I was engaged. I was busy preparing for a wedding, so the impact didn’t hit immediately. But like the forbidden fruit, I never really considered motherhood until there was a chance I might not experience it.
Once we were married, it became an obsession.
My full story is included in the book, A WALK IN THE VALLEY, so I’m limited in what I can share. But for those of you that know us now, we have two kids together. Most people don’t know as newlyweds, my husband had to learn how to inject progesterone in my backside. He was so nervous he often hit muscle, and that left me bedridden. The pelvic pain was so bad that I needed surgery, and they discovered my ovaries were 5x the normal size. I have a high tolerance for pain to this day because of it.
I left conferences that focused on parenting, and I had the shaky-lip-trying-not-to-cry at church when moms had to stand up on Mother’s Day to receive their flowers. It was more than an ache. It was a cavern of pain.
In posts earlier this week I shared infertility etiquette, and I made mistakes, too. I shared with people who couldn’t handle my reality and their responses or lack of one made things worse. I hid. I felt so “less than” that I shut my husband out most nights, hiding upstairs as soon as dinner was over. I was attached to the internet, looking at all forums and articles that had anything to do with infertility. It wasn’t healthy and only kept my anger in a spiral.
If you are going through infertility, my prayer is that you don’t isolate yourself or use your computer as your only source of hope. I am not being commercial in recommending A WALK IN THE VALLEY, I truly believe in this book and wish I had it back when I was hurting. It contains my entire story from diagnosis to where I am today, but it also includes five other authors who share their entire stories. Not one of us has the same experience, so it is a transparent, comprehensive look at infertility.
If you need someone to talk to, I’m not a counselor, but feel free to contact me.
My prayers are with you.
***
My Infertility Walk in the Valley
Struggling with infertility? As a Christian, how do you work through the hurt, anger, frustration, pain, and sorrow? Where is God’s hope and joy?
This devotional workbook features the stores of real women, and helps you reflect on your experiences via journaling prompts, prayer exercises, and Scripture. Explore topics such as: *infertility testing *diagnosis *decision making *infertility treatment *miscarriage and pregnancy *pregnancy and childbirth after infertility *remaining childless *adoption *foster care, child sponsorship, and orphan hosting *and healing emotionally.
Written by six women who have completed their journey through infertility. Some eventually conceived and gave birth, others adopted, and others remain childless. But all of them have found peace in the loving arms of God. And you can too.
PURCHASE A WALK IN THE VALLEY HERE
Tags: #ListenUp, #NIAW, A Walk in the Valley, Donna Winters, Elizabeth Maddrey, Heidi Glick, Julie Arduini, Kym McNabney, My Infertility Walk in the Valley, National Infertility Awareness Week, Paula Mowery, Resolve.orgDel.icio.us
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Facebook Users Unwritten Rules OAC: Make Your Children World Explorers (FREE Download) Odyssey Adventure Club Membership $5 for First Month Sabbath Sunday: Made to SoarCopyright © Julie Arduini [My Infertility Walk in the Valley---#NIAW], All Right Reserved. 2017.The post My Infertility Walk in the Valley—#NIAW appeared first on Julie Arduini.
April 24, 2017
RESOLVE: Infertility Etiquette, Part 2 #NIAW
If you are looking for more personal resources, A WALK IN THE VALLEY is a workbook/devotional that takes readers through six different infertility experiences from diagnosis to doctors to where we are now. I am one of the authors and it is a raw, but helpful book I so wish had existed when I was hurting. You can purchase A WALK IN THE VALLEY HERE.
Infertility Etiquette
Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy’s nose and daddy’s eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
They will eventually conceive a baby.
They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don’t know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.
RESOLVE: Infertility Etiquette
Don’t Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don’t follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn’t ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let’s face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to “dream” about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.
Don’t Gossip About Your Friend’s Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband’s sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend’s privacy, and don’t share any information that your friend hasn’t authorized.
Don’t Push Adoption (Yet)
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a “stranger’s baby,” they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy’s eyes and Mommy’s nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, “Why do you want to adopt a baby?” Instead, the question was, “Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?” Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn’t her “own,” then adoption isn’t the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, “Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.”) However, “pushing” the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say “I am giving you this baby,” there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn’t your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lessen the load. Here are a few ideas.
Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren’t going through this alone.
Remember Them on Mother’s Day
With all of the activity on Mother’s Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother’s Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother’s Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother’s Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven’t “forgotten” them.
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments
No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy’s nose and daddy’s eyes.
Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don’t encourage them to try again, and don’t discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don’t try to open that chapter again.
Tags: #ListenUp, #NIAW, A Walk in the Valley, Julie Arduini, National Infertility Week, Resolve: Infertility Etiquette Part 2Del.icio.us
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COTT: Summer Reads Transformation: Deadly Silence by Lillian Duncan Featured Video of the Week: Amber Schamel's The Healer's Touch Julie Arduini's 2013 Favorite Fiction Read of the Year is... Free Therapy: Analyzing Your DVR ListCopyright © Julie Arduini [RESOLVE: Infertility Etiquette, Part 2 #NIAW], All Right Reserved. 2017.The post RESOLVE: Infertility Etiquette, Part 2 #NIAW appeared first on Julie Arduini.
April 22, 2017
RESOLVE: Infertility Etiquette, Part 1 #NIAW
If you are looking for more personal resources, A WALK IN THE VALLEY is a workbook/devotional that takes readers through six different infertility experiences from diagnosis to doctors to where we are now. I am one of the authors and it is a raw, but helpful book I so wish had existed when I was hurting. You can purchase A WALK IN THE VALLEY HERE.
Infertility Etiquette
Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy’s nose and daddy’s eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
They will eventually conceive a baby.
They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don’t know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.
RESOLVE: Infertility Etiquette
Don’t Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she “relaxed.” Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of “relaxing” are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as “infertile” until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren’t infertile but just need to “relax.” Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as “just relax” or “try going on a cruise” create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, “If you just relaxed on a cruise . . .” Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don’t Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone’s life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, “Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.,” do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn’t tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father’s Day or Mother’s Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn’t even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don’t Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Along the same lines, don’t tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the “worst” thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the “worst” thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the “worst” thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the “worst” thing that could happen.
People wouldn’t dream of telling someone whose parent just died, “It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead.” Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don’t tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.
Don’t Say They Aren’t Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, “Maybe God doesn’t intend for you to be a mother.” How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don’t you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn’t he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren’t religious, the “maybe it’s not meant to be” comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
Don’t Ask Why They Aren’t Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man’s sperm in a petri dish. This is a method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, “Why don’t you just try IVF?” in the same casual tone they would use to ask, “Why don’t you try shopping at another store?”
Don’t Be Crude
It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don’t make crude jokes about your friend’s vulnerable position. Crude comments like “I’ll donate the sperm” or “Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination” are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
Don’t Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don’t put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, “I’d gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby.” When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, “I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes.”
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends’ new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend’s emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can’t bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn’t rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.
Tags: #NIAW, A Walk in the Valley, Julie Arduini, Listen Up #ListenUp, National Infertility Awareness Week, Resolve: Infertility Etiquette Part 1, Resolve.orgDel.icio.us
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COTT: Betrayal by Anne Patrick Saturday Confession: The Classic Car Driving Away Guest Blogger Staci Stallings: Putting People Together Rosslyn Elliott's Fairer Than Morning: Giveaway offers chance to win a Kindle & A Custom-Made Period Dress! Book Review: Feast for Thieves by Marcus BrothertonCopyright © Julie Arduini [RESOLVE: Infertility Etiquette, Part 1 #NIAW], All Right Reserved. 2017.The post RESOLVE: Infertility Etiquette, Part 1 #NIAW appeared first on Julie Arduini.
April 21, 2017
COTT: As a Shield by Danny and Wanda Pelfrey
Danny and Wanda Pelfrey are
longtime writers of non-fiction books in the educational and inspiration
markets. They have for most of their lives been avid readers of
mystery/suspense. AS A SHIELD and a previous mystery title are the
result of a desire to entertain themselves and others as well as drive
home important spiritual messages. Their passion is now “mysteries with
a message.”
CLICK COVER to
BUY
AS A SHIELD is one of four planned Davis Morgan mysteries set in a small
North Georgia town. Davis, a pastor for almost twenty-five years,
returns to his hometown after the death of his wife, to operate a rare
and used bookstore. He is promptly appointed chaplain of the small
police department and recruited by city officials to write a history of
his home town. Mystery and romance seem always to be lurking around the
corner for the popular bookseller.The reoccurring characters such as
Charley Nelson, young police officer; Amy Morgan, Davis’s young daughter
who is an English teacher; her roommate Deidre, who Davis is more and
more drawn to as time passes; Miss Helen, the local historian and a host
of others add to the fun and excitement.
A visit to little Adairsville, Georgia will surely be a memorable
event for anyone who chooses to drop-in. In AS A SHIELD, Davis, through
his encounters with two strange villains, comes to experience for
himself the truth of Psalm 5:12, “For surely, O Lord, you bless the
righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.”
About the Authors: Danny and Wanda Pelfrey are a husband/wife
team who in the past were active writers of non-fiction material,
having, between them, cranked out several books. They are both graduates
of Point University and Danny has a Masters from Kentucky Christian
University. Danny has spent most of his adult life as a pastor and Wanda
as a teacher.Their interest at present lies in the creation of mysteries
with a message.
Danny and Wanda are the proud parents of two daughters and five
grandchildren. They reside in a little Cape Cod style cottage in the
small town in North Georgia that is the setting for their mysteries.
About the Book: Davis Morgan, having left the ministry after the
death of his wife, returns to Adairsville, Georgia, his hometown. There
he operates a used and rare bookstore while being appointed chaplain of
the police department. He and Charley, a young policeman, after
discovering the body of a tattooed man find themselves in a serious
battle to bring justice to two strange villains who are threating the
safety of Davis’s daughter. While all this is going on, Davis is
struggling with interpreting his relationship with a young history
teacher who happens to be his daughter’s roommate.
Tags: As a Shiels, authors, COTT: As a Shield by Danny and Wanda Pelfrey, Danny and Wanda Pelfrey, fiction, Julie Arduini, non fictionDel.icio.us
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12 Pearls of Christmas | Day 7 - When God Wraps a Present . . . by Julie Lessman Odyssey Adventure Club: iPad Mini Contest Through August 27th COTT: The Rancher Takes a Cook by Misty M. Beller About Gumbo Weather Author Marian Merritt Book Review: First Kisses by Six Favorite Inspirational Romance AuthorsCopyright © Julie Arduini [COTT: As a Shield by Danny and Wanda Pelfrey], All Right Reserved. 2017.The post COTT: As a Shield by Danny and Wanda Pelfrey appeared first on Julie Arduini.
