Betty Adams's Blog, page 86

Every Seed-bearing Plant

I started a funny little conversation over one Reddit. 

[–]Netmantis 54 points55 points56 points 15 hours ago (26 children)

Humans are rather good at exerting a surprising amount of force, often in unexpected ways. Just because we are no hippos, or even a great ape with a proper Sagittal crest, doesn't mean we can't do some damage. Nice to be recognized for our weirdness.

[–]sswanlakeThe Librarian 25 points26 points27 points 15 hours ago* (22 children)

Proportionally, I believe we can actually exert more force in our bite than our great ape cousins, and possibly even the neanderthals too

[–]Netmantis 46 points47 points48 points 15 hours ago (17 children)

In a hilarious turn of events, we can exert more force than our teeth can handle. When tested, most adult males could exert 150 pounds of pressure on the molars, and stopped when their teeth hurt, not muscle fatigue. Given proper tombstone teeth, we could do amazing things. Myself I have left teeth marks in soft metals when I was young and dumb and without pliars for grip.

[–]TheDarkGenious 25 points26 points27 points 14 hours ago (6 children)

I remember in high school i had a habit of biting through and chewing on soda cans. I also bit through more than a few rocks as a kid in scouts.
Teeth are Stronk.
ps

[–]Betty-Adams[S] 19 points20 points21 points 13 hours ago (5 children)

Ah, chewing rocks. Yes, the aliens will be quite perplexed with us.

Ah, chewing rocks. Yes, the aliens will be quite perplexed with us.
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[–]TheDarkGenious 13 points14 points15 points 13 hours ago (4 children)

Gotta get that calcium somehow, and when you don't have a cow...

[–]HyratelLots o' Bots 5 points6 points7 points 8 hours ago (0 children)

Lick an egg
[–]cryptoengineer 1 point2 points3 points 3 hours ago (1 child)

Geophagia is a thing.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geophagia



[–]Mondrial 1 point2 points3 points 2 hours ago (0 children)

/)_< of course that's a thing.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 29 minutes ago (0 children)

Grind, grind, grind!

Grind, grind, grind!
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[–]BoxNumberGavin1 10 points11 points12 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

Isn't that the case with a few of our body parts? We can be strong enough to severely damage ourselves because being damaged is better than getting removed from the gene pool at that moment. Be it self or familial preservation.

[–]CaptRoryHuman 9 points10 points11 points 9 hours ago (1 child)

Our bodies have built in limiters so we don't hurt ourselves. These limiters are switched off in times of severe stress which is how a mother can lift a minivan off her child. She should not be lifting that; she is in danger of not only damaging her bones but of ripping the muscle off of them.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 26 minutes ago (0 children)

True story! Then there is the idea of simply punching glass...

True story! Then there is the idea of simply punching glass...
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[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 27 minutes ago (0 children)

Bone is stronger than concrete.

Bone is stronger than concrete.
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[–]Betty-Adams[S] 6 points7 points8 points 13 hours ago (0 children)

Bite it! The natural follow up to Poke it with a stick.

Bite it! The natural follow up to Poke it with a stick.
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[–]Arokthis 3 points4 points5 points 13 hours ago (1 child)

I have a couple dents/grooves in some of my teeth from pulling needles instead of using pliers. My dentist is not happy with me.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 26 minutes ago (0 children)

My chiropractor smacks me sometimes.

My chiropractor smacks me sometimes.
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[–]thelordmaple 5 points6 points7 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

Wonder if it'd be possible to mod my body to use all that force...

[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 25 minutes ago (0 children)

I think this is the point of dental braces.

I think this is the point of dental braces.
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[–]KainenFrostAlien Scum 0 points1 point2 points 25 minutes ago (0 children)

Just add adrenaline Edit: Nevermind, I misunderstood what you were saying.

[–]ShankCushionHuman 12 points13 points14 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

Due to the amount of muscle actually attached to our jaw, the angle of it, and the relatively short jawbone (IIRC, been a while since I saw this info) we actually bite harder than some pretty serious dogs when we want to.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] 25 points26 points27 points 13 hours ago (1 child)

And way more than casual dogs.

And way more than casual dogs.
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[–]ShankCushionHuman 4 points5 points6 points 13 hours ago (0 children)

True.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] 1 point2 points3 points 13 hours ago (0 children)

There's always one in the family.

There's always one in the family.
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[–]Betty-Adams[S] 3 points4 points5 points 14 hours ago (0 children)

Nibble nibble!

Nibble nibble!
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[–]C4Cypher 0 points1 point2 points 3 hours ago (1 child)

Our hand grip strength and our endurance.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 25 minutes ago (0 children)

They don't let go!

They don't let go!
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[–]cryptoengineer 21 points22 points23 points 15 hours ago* (6 children)

"Exactly how much pressure are your jaws capable of producing?"
Over 170 pounds, or about 4000 psi.
Old, but accessible:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-power-of-the-human-jaw/
Less readable, but much more recent and detailed data
https://www.scribd.com/document/33955152/Bite-Forces-and-Bite-Pressure



[–]Galapagos_James 28 points29 points30 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

To quote your own source, "He found that the limit of the bite was not determined by the muscles, but by the teeth themselves."
That's. . . actually probably more terrifying in retrospect. Also explains why the Dentist was one of the strongest bites recorded, I bet they had proper dental hygiene.


[–]Betty-Adams[S] 12 points13 points14 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

Brush those teeth and do your species proud.

Brush those teeth and do your species proud.
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[–]CaptRoryHuman 15 points16 points17 points 9 hours ago (1 child)

Remember to polish your external skeleton with abrasive paste before lying in a dark room for eight hours and hallucinating during unconsciousness.


[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 30 minutes ago (0 children)

This is very important. You might die if you don't.

This is very important. You might die if you don't.
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[–]Betty-Adams[S] 0 points1 point2 points 14 hours ago (0 children)

Thank you! Excellent data there.

Thank you! Excellent data there.
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[–]spacetrucker426 14 points15 points16 points 13 hours ago (6 children)

“You are eating unprocessed, dormant stage, tree seeds?”
Well, to be fair, they've been shelled. Eating them otherwise, now that would be impressive.



[–]The_First_Viking 8 points9 points10 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

Not that impressive. You can crack nuts with your teeth if you don't mind spitting out shells. Hell, you can crack a lot of kinds of nut by hand if you squeeze two of them together and use one to break the other. Only downside is you end up with one unbreakable nut left over.
[–]space253 13 points14 points15 points 11 hours ago (1 child)

You eat the bag and when you are down to one you give it to the squirrels.



[–]CaptRoryHuman 4 points5 points6 points 9 hours ago (0 children)

This guy squirrels.



[–]Swedneck 2 points3 points4 points 7 hours ago (0 children)

I wish my nuts were unbreakable..



[–]C4Cypher 0 points1 point2 points 3 hours ago (0 children)

Fridge horror for Quilx if he ever finds out



[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 28 minutes ago (0 children)

Aren't almonds shells papery and wimpy tho?

Aren't almonds shells papery and wimpy tho?
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[–]steved32 11 points12 points13 points 15 hours ago (7 children)

I like it. Thank you
I'm not sure if you're aware, but:
[Original](http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-seeds) = Original



[–]Betty-Adams[S] 4 points5 points6 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

Thank you! I was not aware.


   [–]SavvyBlonk 1 point2 points3 points 12 hours ago (1 child)

And in case you ever forget, there's a little button underneath the text input box that says 'formatting help' which has a cheat sheet for the most common functions.



[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 29 minutes ago (0 children)

Thanks!

Thanks!
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[–]Din182 7 points8 points9 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

Check the name of the person who posted it, and then check the name of the person who runs that blog.permalinke [–]alienpirate5AI 11 points12 points13 points 15 hours ago (0 children)

It was a formatting tip



[–]sswanlakeThe Librarian 3 points4 points5 points 15 hours ago (0 children)

I think they're referring to the formatting, saying the the author could make the link text "original" rather than just the link



[–]steved32 3 points4 points5 points 15 hours ago (0 children)

I know, that's why I worded my suggestion that way



[–]UpdateMeBot 1 point2 points3 points 16 hours ago (0 children)

Click here to subscribe to /u/betty-adams and receive a message every time they post.

FAQs
[–]HFYBotRebornpraise magnus 1 point2 points3 points 9 hours ago (0 children)

There are 21 stories by Betty-Adams (Wiki), including:Humans are Weird - SeedsHumans are Weird - PersistenceHumans are Weird - Can't Sit StillHumans are Weird - OmnivorousHumans are Weird - Cold SoresHumans are Weird - ComplimentsHumans are Weird - BleepHumans are Weird - Where Do Stories Come FromHumans are Weird IRL - Pork Barrel BasesHumans are Weird - RegulationHumans Are Weird - ForgetfulnessHumans are Weird - The Hale Hero of the Abominable WorldHumans Are Weird - High FiveHumans are Weird - Warm SpotHumans Are Weird - Cold FootsiesHumans Are Weird - CoffeeHumans are Weird - IRLThe Scent of HeatPacking SnowVolcanoesHumans are Weird for Many Reasons. They even excrete a saline solution rich with bio-diverse microfauna. This list was automatically generated by HFYBotReborn version 2.13. Please contact KaiserMagnus or j1xwnbsr if you have any queries. This bot is open source.


[–]GnakFlak 1 point2 points3 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

Aren´t Almonds the ones that contain traces of cyanide?



[–]DrHydeousHuman 3 points4 points5 points 5 hours ago (0 children)

Yes. As do apple pips. The seeds from 20 apples can contain enough cyanide to kill you, but you'd have to chew them very thoroughly.



[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 30 minutes ago (0 children)

Well they smell like it, apple seeds contain arsenic but it is in a harmless form. 

Humans are Weird - Inanimate Objects

Humans are Weird – Inanimate Objects
​
“Quilx’tch, can you aide me?”
Quilx’tch glanced over at his superior as he entered the room.  The chief cultural anthropologist was crouched over the main data screen in their office. Quilx’tch balanced the vials in his manipulators and rotated uneasily.
“Can it wait a moment Tra’krt?” he replied. “I need to place the sampled from the Hellbats in the refrigerator.”
“Make sure you place them in the sample refrigerator,” Tra’krt reminded him sternly.  “But yes, that will be acceptable.”
Quilx’tch rotated and hurried to put the nutrient samples in the racks of the refrigeration unit. He made sure their labels were clearly visible and scurried back to where Tra’krt was flicking various symbols across the visual display screen. Quilx’tch aligned his primary eyes with the screen and tilted his abdomen to the side thoughtfully.
“Is this one of those human word puzzles?” He asked.
Tra’krt let out a chitter of irritation and swept a primary manipulator across the control surface, realigning the letters in the orderly rows the humans preferred.
“Betty,” Quilx’tch read. “A common derivate of a human name, female I believe.”
“Yes, yes,” Tra’krt said. “I am aware of that. However the base command transport has no sex so far as I know.”
Quilx’tch let his secondary eyes take in the stressed commander. Had he been getting sufficient nutrients lately? In lieu of a proper field medic it was Quilx’tch’s task to ensure the base crew maintained their health.
“Oh swarm,” Tra’krt snapped his mandibles at Quilx’tch. “Do stop thinking so loudly. I am fine.”
“You know your inappropriate use of that term has the humans thinking we are telepathic,” Quilx’tch reprimanded him.
“I take zero responsibility for what humans think,” Tra’krt said. “Now this,” he waved at the offending female name, “this is exactly why. Mechanic Steve has named the command transport Betty.”
Quilx’tch felt his joints loosen with relief. “Oh yes, they do that.” He said. “The transports that drop off the humans are in fact listed by their ‘names’ rather than their identification numbers in the files for the foodstuffs.”
“I am aware Quilx’tch,” Tra’krt said, rubbing the ridges over his eyes. “If you read the functional briefing on humans it lists that facet of their behavior. It also lists that that only refers to ships of a certain mass.”
“I was not aware of that,” Quilx’tch said.
“But Mechanic Steve has named a wheeled vehicle, far below the tonnage requirements, Betty,” Tra’krt said.
“I assume you have tried simply asking him,” Quilx’tch said.
“He muttered something inaudible and walked away after I asked why he had given an inanimate object a name,” Tra’krt replied. “Since then I have been operating under the assumption that it is some form of what the humans call an acronym.”
“Well,” Quilx’tch began to back slowly away. “I will get back to my nutrient analysis.”
“One day we will understand the humans,” Tra’krt muttered to himself as he bent back over the control panel. “One day.”
Quilx’tch made a mental note to check on Tra’krt’s nutrient intake. Sometimes odd behavior was explainable by poor diet. On another leg, sometimes it was just prolonged exposure to humans. 

Those Classy British Ladies

Excerpt from a private letter from Charlotte Bronte (author of Jane Eyre) to her very close friend who very trickily got her to accept the gift of a 'jar' of unspecified contents by sneaking it into her boxes before Charlotte left for home after a visit. 

"You ought first to be tenderly kissed, and then afterwards, as tenderly whipped." 

Wolf at the Door

Wolf at the Door
an extract from a potential urban fantasy novel 

Sara Jane, Mrs. Dalmore. Paused in front of the mirror hanging in the hall and adjusted the collar of her dress for the fifth time. She stepped back and stared herself up and down, taking in the neatly braided hair, the smooth makeup-less skin, and the caramel eyes and sparkled out of thick rimmed glasses. 
Her concentration was broken by a tremendous thump from the second floor of the three story ranch and an immediate yell of, "Nothing broke!" 
Sara Jane took a deep breath and adjusted her dress over her growing belly. 
"You can do this," she muttered.
She tried to push away the still stinging memory of the disdainful looks the next door neighbor had cast at her midsection and the two siblings who had accompanied her that day. She definitely wasn't thinking about the cooing voice of the next neighbor who had passed her that pamphlet on family planning. She gritted her teeth. 
"Focus," she muttered, "not everyone in this neighborhood can be an ignorant urbanite." She snatched up the pie, fresh-baked, her beloved's secret recipe. Mental note, seduce recipe out of him this spring. She balanced the pie on one hand and checked her nails on the other. Flawlessly pink and white. With her best smile on she swept out of the front door and headed left. Away from the houses where she and already shaken the dust from her feet.
A wolf whistle split the air. "There goes one hot Mama!" Crowed her husband.
Sara Jane rolled her eyes and spared a glance at the man who, four children later still made her heart beat a little faster. He was flat on his back on the lawn with two small boy's astraddle his chest. They were squealing in disgust at his comments and demanding that he get back to the important business of wrestling.
"I'll be back soon sweetie," Sara Jane called.
The next house was a glaringly pink mini-ranch. Probably a decade or two older than the rest in the subdivision. Sara Jane had to admire the...energy that went into all the obviously handmade decorations. She listened to the comforting sound of the rabbit hutch that must sit behind the fence and breathed in a lungful of the earthy smell of the garden they lived in. She was completely relaxed by the time she reached the door covered in ASPCA stickers. She reached up and knocked on the door, no ringer, and waited. There was no way this woman was some cold eyed office drone. 
The door swung open with a wash of incense and cookies and Sara Jane froze the words on greeting stalled on the tip of her tongue. 
"Oh hello!" the other woman greeted her brightly.  Her watery green eyes stared out of eyeliner that seemed to have been inspired by roaring twenties misconceptions of Egyptian culture. Or possibly Gene Simmon's KISS. she wore skintight, leopard print leotards, a tight black tank top, and a dog collar studded with inch long spikes. Her bare arms were toned and wrinkled by decades of sun. and ended in neon orange fingernail polish. 
Sara Jane cut a frantic glance at her own fingernails, opaque and curving. She tightened her smile over her canines and said as smoothly as she could. 
"Hi, new neighbors. I brought pie," She immediately cursed herself for how utterly lame that sounded.
But the woman's eyes lit with pleasure and she gestured Sara Jane inward. 
"Oh! I have been meaning to come and see you! I'm Helga, and I love pie. What kind?"
"Husband's secret recipe," Sara Jane said gathering herself as she walked into a room of crystal pendants, beaded curtains, and at least thirty crucifixes prominently mounted on the walls. 
"Oh, a man who bakes," Helga said shooting Sara Jane a sly look. "Did you ever score!"
"I did," Sara Jane admitted warming a bit. Eccentric. This lady might be  eccentric but she was warm. 
Helga ran her eyes calculatingly up and down the Sara Jane as she set the pie on the table and nodded with a grin. 
"Well it looks like he scored too," Helga said.
Sara Jane laughed and sat down in an ancient leather armchair. 
"So you keep a backyard rabbit hutch?" Sara Jane asked as Helga produced plates and forks for the pie.
"Oh yes," Helga said brightly. "Though the silly girls around here don't like it much. Do you like to keep rabbits?"
"Oh we hope to get the kids involved in 4H," Sara Jane replied nodding. "We only have three quarters of an acre though so rabbits were logical."
"Well mine are special friends for Fluffy," Helga explained as she handed Sara Jane a plate.
"Fluffy?" Sara Jane sniffed the air. She didn't smell any other mammal in the house.
Helga jerked her head to the side and led them into the next room. Sara Jane was just taking a bite of pie and had the spoon in her mouth when her fangs fully extended in shock. There , in an aquarium that filled half the room, was a python that must have been twenty feet long. Her tail lashed under her dress twice before it stilled. 
"Yes," Helga crowed at the animal, thankfully giving it all her attention while Sara Jane retracted her ears. "Fluffy just loves rabbit!"
"Lovely," Sara Jane whispered. 
Well, my choices are between nice and normal. I guess nice it is. 

A Fantasy Author's Mind

Have you ever wanted a glimpse into what the world looks like to a fantasy writer? Where did Mr. Toad come from in "The Wind in the Willows"? Where did Peter Rabbit come from? The authors "saw" them, and then they brought them alive for the rest of us. A posse of animators have decided to give us all a glimpse of that world that the creative see. It is only slightly exaggerated. 

The Substitute Spider

"She was our favorite substitute teacher in school! We liked her so much we bought her a spider! A cute little Rose Tarantula to replace the one of hers that died."

True story.

Alas poor Rose...she will be missed.

Tuesday Thoughts Frogs

Frogs are loud tonight. Very loud. Read a book to drown them out. 

Humans are Weird - Petting It

​Humans are Weird – Petting It
The setting red sun caught in every branch of the primordial forest and cast its diffused glow on the already red fur of Prince Triclick. He was currently adjusing a milky white apron so it sat more easily over his wings. His companion, half his size and several shades lighter, not to mention bearing none of the battle scars that crossed and recrossed Triclick’s war worn flesh, gazed at him with skepticism pouring out of his beady black eyes.
“You,” the flight second said. “You, are going to be a nurse?”
Triclick hissed in passive irritation as he pulled out a tin of polish to add a little scented shine to his three remaining sensory horns, and ease the ever present pain in the five stumps.
“No,” he said firmly. “I am simply volunteering my off hours to give aid and comfort to our allies who have sacrificed so much to our cause.”
“Oh I would never question how much we owe the humans,” the flight second said grimly. “Granted they gained from this campaign too but we would have never reclaimed this world without them.”
“So you sound my depth,” Triclick said. His voice distorted slightly as he examined his teeth, still needle sharp he thought proudly, in the reflection on the back of his tin.
“They call us Hellbats,” the flight second said bluntly. “I have seen humans who have been allies for months burst out screaming when a flight breaks from the ground in front of them. We literally,” he held up his wing claws for emphasis, “resemble nothing so much as the messengers of their underworld.”
“Your point?” Triclick asked blandly as he checked his appearance on more time.
“What,” the flight second demanded, “in the name of the First Flight makes you think that the presence of our most feared warrior would offer injured humans any comfort at all? Most likely they will just sit there in mortal terror and fear of offending you.”
“One would think,” Triclick admitted. “But that has not been the result observed by the medics.”
Before the flight second could respond Triclick leapt off of the branch they had perched on and flew in lazy spirals towards the tent on the forest floor marked with a bold red cross. The flight second hissed and followed him. However there was no chance to begin the conversation again before they fluttered to a stop outside of the insect repelling netting. They slipped through the barrier and landed on the massive desk that served the human medics. The one on duty smiled up at them from his paperwork and waved them in.
There was only one human in the medical ward today the flight second saw.  A young human, one of the new batch he supposed. From the pale tint of his face and the audible gurgling from his abdomen he had been bedridden for some digestive malady. The flight second grimaced but Prince Triclick flew fearlessly up to the human and landed on the edge of the bed. As the flight second had expected the human started violently at seeing Triclik.
“Greetings friend Smithson!” Triclick said, dipping his head as he landed. “Are you ready to begin your therapy again?”
To the flight second’s surprise the agitation almost immediately left the human’s face and he nodded eagerly.
“Sure thing Commander-“ The human began.
“Ah, sttttt,” Triclick hissed in remonstrance.
“Right, right, no ranks in here,” the human said with a laugh.
“One mustn’t offend the medics,” Triclick quoted in all seriousness. “Now, let’s begin.”
He hopped over and laid himself flat out on blanket that covered the human’s knee. The human reached out a hand hesitantly and then gently lowered it to stroke the exposed length of fur between Triclick’s scared wings. The flight second watched in astonishment as the human relaxed back against his pillows with a happy sigh as he continued stroking the fourth in line to the throne.
“Now where was I,” Prince Triclick began when the human seemed to have achieved a proper paced. “Ah yes, Five-trills and the second prince of the golden cliffs. Now it was the latter days of the great migration.”
The flight second blinked in astonishment for a moment then shook his head. Triclick had always been a bit of an odd one. But how was he going to explain this in his report? One didn’t just upend two decades of xeno-psychology research with a field note that says, and they like petting furry things. 

Sun Day is Just Ducky

New Ducks

​The sun lays warm on the fields. 
Last falls leaves are gently crumbling away into earth.
The ducks have never seen a pond before and throw themselves in in ecstasy.
Megatron is pleased with the seven new hens but stressed over Frederic. 
Frederic has never been this vocal, this happy, the woman says. 
The rescue is complete. the birds have found their forever home and they are pleased. 
The people exchange a small bit of money and words of thanks.
Already the pond is thirty percent clear of algae. 
The frogs quake in fear. 
The dogs are contained until that new bird smell wears off and he can greet them with less than loving ecstasy. 

Also the duck printer ran out of toner. 

Friday Feeling Tired

It's been a long week. Friday is here (for those who work a five day). Enjoy some fire and rest.