Lucy Robinson's Blog, page 2

Life I love: Bristol, the mad badger

Today’s Life I Love blog is pictorial. It’s my walk to work, which I think is a perfect example of this mad-ass city; its politics, its endless graffiti, its irreverence and its prettiness. It’s a vile day today so it all looks a bit dark and grey, which is misleading. It’s probably the most colourful city I’ve ever seen.

In particular I draw your attention to the golden leg sticking out of the front of the Bohemia shop and the poster for the morning rave, which I will most certainly be attending.

Facing my fears

Firstly: Welcome to the final blog post of my little tour for The Unfinished Symphony of You and Me. It’s been a WEEK! Thanks to Victoria, Laura, Eve, Kirsty, Chloe and Kevin  for having me.

So. My final post. I wrote it last Friday so it’d be all ready for posting today. I thought I’d nailed it.

Only I hadn’t. The post was meant to act as a finale to my blog tour, in which me and my book characters talked about things they were afraid of. Today there was going to be a video of me facing a fear of my own, just like my lovely Sally Howlett does in The Unfinished Symphony.

But the post was not complete. I realised that I needed to ask what YOU would love to do, if you weren’t held back by fear. So I did.

What followed – it’s all pasted below – blew my mind.

Some of the responses were silly, many were funny and a couple were downright illegal. But so many of them spoke of secret dreams, of all-but buried hopes, and of lives that you didn’t or couldn’t dare lead. ‘I’d like to be able to go outside,‘ said one tweet. Another said, ‘I’d like to do all the things I used to.’ (I related to that so much that I actually cried! What happened to that noisy little Robinson who thought nothing of pointing her sledge down a snowy precipice? Who would sing at the top of her voice in front of anyone and not give a flying fuck? Who played violin solos at school and went thundering off on a cross country course on her little horse without a second thought? I’m still here! I didn’t die! So what happened?)

Many of you spoke about places you’d like to see or move to and there was a very strong theme of being tied to jobs and lifestyles that you didn’t actually want.

This is the really interesting thing, though: ALL of you (apart from Kevin, who wanted to grow wings and fly) – talked about things that are achievable. Not one single dream was beyond the realms of human possibility.

So why aren’t we doing those things? (We? Yes, we. There were several in there that I could have written myself . . .)

One word: fear.

Fear is a fucker. Fear tells us that we might break our leg, or fail, or look stupid, or be unable to find the time or money to do what we really want. Fear keeps us plodding on through lives we don’t actually enjoy all that much, because (it tells us), we are trapped. Fear even tells some of us that we could literally die if we struck up conversation with another human being we’d not met before. Fear is a prison, disguised as ‘common sense’ or ‘responsibility’ or ‘X/Y/Z disorder/syndrome that cannot ever be changed or overcome.’

But while fear is a fucker, it is something we can take control of. All of us. We were not born this way. We can, if we’re willing to change, overcome our fears and step into the lives we’ve only dreamed of thus far. And nobody is exempt from that, whatever their circumstances, whatever their background. Wouldn’t it be amazing to learn the right tools to tell fear to fuck off? And then get to work on achieving the things you wanted to achieve?

Not all of the dreams you/we shared are things we can do RIGHT THIS MINUTE, I know that. Some of them require fundraising, or childcare, or training. Which in turn might require fundraising, childcare .  . .  And some of us would need help or coaching to be able to move on through our fears. I guess it’s at this point that most of us give up. It’s too much . . .  we can’t achieve it. And so there we are, back at square one.

Will we thank ourselves for living this way, when the grim reaper comes for us? Will we be glad we never found the courage to do what we wanted to do? I kind of doubt it.

‘Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.’ – Dorothy Thompson, American writer/social historian/genius

I’ve written before about how I learned to tackle fear, and I won’t go into it again now. This blog is long enough! But if you’d like to know more, please do send me a message or tweet / FB me.  I am turning a lot of fears on their head; more every day, but this incredible list you’ve all compiled has shown me that there’s still more work to be done! More wonderful goals that I need to start taking little actions towards achieving.

So anyway, here’s the list. Read it and weep! Or – better still – punch the air, because today could be the day when you decide that things are going to change. Today might be the day when you do one little thing – however small – that might get you closer to achieving your goal. Rome wasn’t built in a day, remember.

At the end of the list I’ve written a little piece – and put up a video – of me facing a fear of my own, to remind you that anything is possible!

What would YOU do if fear wasn’t an issue – reader responses…

I would sky dive

Quit my job and stay at home with my kids

So many things, i often think my life would be unrecognisable if it wasn’t for fear!

Get back into acting.

I’d chuck in my job and start a delicatessen

Quit my job, move to Italy, open my own lingerie shop, write a book…

Fall in love. Or join a travelling salsa troupe and tour the world. Or sign up to VSO.

Be myself!

I would go help save the lions

Have a second baby…. whoops too late… the new one is cooking away

Quit my job and go work in a theatre

Spend my whole life travelling around the world!

Sing in front of an audience. If they were deaf, and I was drunk.

I would totally get on a horse and ride a cross country course if I was brave enough.

Stand at the top of the Eiffel Tower or even better Empire State Building

Everest. Always wanted to, and have decided on base camp when the boy leaves home.

So many simple things but never dare in case others thought I was crazy… dye my hair blue, get a tattoo, wear short shorts, sing in public on my own, tell people how I really feel about them!

Playing a violin solo in a concert. Waaaaay too terrified!

Dye my hair pink and wear and do ridiculous things!

Go to latin dancing class – I am literally the most malco person ever with anything remotely choreographed

Pack in my job and move to valencia to live!

Go for my motorbike licence and then buy a sexy beast of a sports bike and ride across Europe! I used to ride my bros around the field now I’m too chicken to get on the back

Go for my PADI licence

Do a turn on Strictly Come Dancing (for plebs obvs cos not a celeb)

I would finish my book and actually let someone read it, daft eh?

Parkour

Move to London, New York or Australia

Stand up comedy

If fear or money won’t have been my concern then I would have surely bought a cottage in Irish countryside or would have gone to Istanbul on my own for at least a month.

Swim with sharks – they are magnificent but no way

Travel to New Zealand but I’m not a fan of flying

Snog charlie Higson

Move to Vangroovy (Vancouver) and write full tine and do a Masters. Although I still have to finish my current BA, 1st of 4yrs done.

Sky dive

Emigrate to Canada but sadly I’m too old now. Secondly:  be comfortable in room full of people I don’t know!

Go into Space. D’you think Branson has a spot for me?

Skinny dip!

Bungee jumping + sky dive. And to take all the rides at the Six Flags Magic Mountain, LA.

Because i seriously don’t know how to enjoy those rides. Fear, i guess.

Surf the biggest longest wave in the world …then fly to the moon

Have a pet bear!!

Emigrate for a few year (not sure where yet).Oh and go into space on Branson’s space tourist shuttle.

Public speaking! I would love to be able to give witty amusing lectures, but my neck goes red and blotchy and my voice an octave higher and I speak really really quickly!! Yet I have so much to say…..

I would go on the worlds scariest roller coaster.

Tell a mum I know that it’s due to her upbringing her kid is a brat!!!!

Jump out of a plane

Sky dive, and maybe quit my job and travel the world

Face a bully and ask for an apology or at least an explanation

Parachute jump

Fly with Wings

Skating

Riding

Go outside

Deep sea diving

Work at a monnkey rescue sanctuary

Jumping over rooftops

Swim with sharks

Bungee jump somewhere awesome

Learn to dance

Finishing books and putting them out on submission

Going everywhere I want by myself, not letting a lack of company stop me travelling

Living in any country I wanted to

Cut my hair in a pixie crop

Flashing at westlife

Tell someone how I really feel

Take up a team sport

Shout the truth from the rooftops

Say what I really think

Go back to doing all the things I used to.

 

What a list, eh? Well, when I plotted this blog tour with Penguin, we talked about the things I could be filmed doing on the old facing-my-fears front. We talked about me hanging out with a spider, me singing at my own launch; me sky diving or being a life model. The problem with all of these was that, although they are all things I’d be terrified of doing, they’re not actually things I dream of doing.

Finally, I had it. I knew what I wanted to do. And it may come as a surprise to some of you . . . I wanted to throw  a launch party.

I’ve had parties before. Launch parties, birthday parties, house-warming parties, farewell parties. But have I ever had a party and been completely relaxed during the preparation, the run-up and the party itself? Have I fuck! Every party I’ve thrown, since my 11th birthday party disco at Box Village Hall in 1991, has been fraught with anxiety! A living hell! These were my thoughts. On every occasion. Always.

* I don’t have time to organise this

*Nobody will come

*Even if everyone says yes, they’ll cancel at the last minute

*I will look stupid and feel awful

*I won’t choose the right venue/music/outfit/whatever

*Nobody will get on; everyone will feel awkward and I’ll have to try to manage everyone’s experience of the night

*I will look fat

*People will feel sorry for me

*People will judge me based on what my friends are wearing (brilliant, that one)

*I will absolutely hate it. Every minute.

Normally, with this cacophony roiling around my head, I’d start thinking about cancelling around one month beforehand. The feeling would get stronger and stronger as the party approached. Often I would  cancel it. More than once I sent resentful messages out telling people I’d had to cancel because of cancellations. THAT would learn them! If I didn’t cancel, I’d generally stuff myself with food and booze during the run-up, to take the edge off my terror. This would not work well with my plan to lose loads of weight and look amazing. I would always buy an outfit – several outfits, sometimes – and would waste HOURS scouring the shops and internet for the right thing. My employers suffered repeatedly; it was always their time I used. I didn’t want to waste their time but I ‘couldn’t’ stop myself.

I did normally enjoy the parties themselves, in fairness to myself. But I’d howl through them in a hurricane of adrenaline; panicking and apologising for not being able to speak to anyone; babbling and gabbling like a monkey. By the time they were over I’d be utterly spent and barely capable of speaking. I’d then email everyone individually, apologising for this/that/the other, thanking them over and over again for coming. As if they’d done it as a favour!

My launch party for A Passionate Love Affair with a Total Stranger in 2013 followed this precise format. Worse still, I had to make a little speech and do a reading of my book. Words can’t describe the fear! I was red and shaking. I had never felt so exposed in my life. All I could think about was the fact that EVERYONE was staring at me and that I looked fat and stupid. That they were clearly hating my reading of the book because they were NOT LAUGHING. This picture doesn’t really do it justice but I think you can tell by my odd smile and red face that I was not entirely comfortable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This time, I wanted it to be different. I now had the tools to do a fearless, happy party, but for a little while I still doubted myself. Then I realised how limiting and unhelpful that doubt was. I decided to smash it.

And I DID! I was relaxed, happy and excited at every stage of this party. From my original idea to bring in some opera singers (The Unfinished Symphony is a love story set in the opera world), right through to the Morning After when I turned up to wash up the champagne glasses, I felt fantastic. I didn’t worry about who was coming. I trusted that people would get on and talk to each other. I trusted that the food and booze would be right, and that people would have a good time. And best of all, I made a speech without blushing or stammering; without my heart pounding or my body pumping adrenaline. I was totally calm. In fact, I was totally awesome. Here is a video to prove it.

If I can do that, I can basically do anything. And so can you. Is today the day?

 

THE UNFINISHED SYMPHONY blog tour

Hi there. HI THERE! Even ‘ho there,’ as my phone wanted me to write. So: the book is out! You can buy it in most places, including online.

I’m going to upload a nice blog of pictures of the launch day shortly but for now, here’s info on my blog tour which is already underway.

Want to read my book but don’t have it yet? Well this blog tour is for YOU, hobo. I shall be doing exclusive reveals of my cast of characters all week – one per day. Including their best lines and moments. I love these guys and can’t wait for you to meet them.

And I’m also building up to a big personal challenge at the end – Arghhh! This is because there is a strong theme of facing one’s fears in the story, and Penguin reckoned I should face one of my own. Damn them!

For details of what, who and where, take a squiz at this little banner thing. Happy reading. And thanks again for all the support!

Today, Saturday 21st – head on over to chicklitevexx.blogspot.com to meet the unbelievably LUSH Brian Hurst. One of my very favourites..

Love and gropes

Me xx

Life I love: MY DADDY.

I have been shit at Father’s Day for a long time. (Forever.) Because it’s a made-up thing I decided years ago that I would not celebrate it and my Dad has never seemed to mind very much.

On Sunday, Facebook was covered in photos of peoples’ Dads. I laughed: ho ho ho, my Dad would hate to have me rabbiting on about him on social media. Ho ho ho, look how we rise about this commercial nonsense!

And then I saw a post by a friend of mine who lost her Dad to cancer ten years ago – I remember it well; I went to the funeral with her – and before I knew it, I was in tears. (If my Dad does ever read this, he will at this point shake his head despairingly. He’s been watching me burst into tears on a very regular basis for thirty four years now.) I imagined how I’d feel if I lost my wonderful precious Daddy and how deeply I’d regret failing to take ANY opportunity – commercial or otherwise – to tell him how much I love him.

So today’s blog is all about my DAD.

Daddy, you are the bestest. You are a bearded Irish legend who says ‘vayse’ instead of ‘vase’ and you own about two thousand more books than your house can actually hold. You have a penchant for strange or downright shit cars (I’m thinking the Frog, the Carolla and your latest, um, ‘special’ car.) You cannot and will not sing or dance and I love that you are completely uncompromising in your refusal to indulge in either.

You are the most extraordinarily clever person I have ever known and I am awed by your ability to talk about pretty much anything – ANY SUBJECT IN THE WORLD – without having to go and look it up on Wikipedia like I’d have to. You are a human library; a humongously intelligent and learned man – and yet you’re so humble. If I knew even a fraction of what you knew I’d be shouting clever facts at anyone who’d listen. You just carry on reading the paper.

You made up the best stories any child could hope for – Bernard the Boneheaded Crocodile was a modern classic, but they were all wonderful – and when Mummy went to university again you even managed to become a brilliant (if not unusual) househusband. Me and the sister still talk reverentially about Fried Willies.

You have the ability to make all of us roar with laughter. I love listening to you having conversations with animals, and I love that Grouse – indeed all of our dogs – have always loved you far more than they’ve ever loved the rest of us. I loved that you used to throw Dudley out of the window when he stole our dinner. I love the stories of Granddad and of Ireland in general. That garage door. Jesus Christ.

I love that when I was naughty you used to tell me – in that wonderful Irish accent – that I was being ‘bold,’ and that you always reasoned with me – you never shouted. I loved it when you put me and the sister on your knee and gave us a horse ride, saying ‘ding-de-ding-de-ding’ (this is the closest you have ever got to singing.) I loved you taking us swimming in Cirencester the holidays, and drove us to horse events in various borrowed trailers (even though you didn’t really understand horses) and spent hours standing in the sea at Tresaith beach holding our inflatable boat on a long rope so we wouldn’t float off across the Irish Sea. I loved being picked up from ballet in a noisy ex-army landrover while everyone else tootled off in polite little renault 5s. I loved it when you took us up to the common to walk William and bought us Winston’s Ice Creams.

I love that, while me and the Mothership say pretty much everything that’s on our minds, you think carefully about things and say them only when they really matter. When I want to Carla’s wedding in 2011 I came downstairs and you told me I looked beautiful. I’m afraid I then went off and cried, as usual, but that’s because you don’t fritter compliments the way I do and it meant the world.

I love you so much, Daddy, and I wish I told you more often. You’re probably really embarrassed by now, but I don’t care. You are the best.

XXXXXXXX

WIN! Signed copies of The Unfinished Symphony of You and Me AND a guest invite to my launch party!

The week has arrived! THE UNFINISHED SYMPHONY OF YOU AND ME IS OUT IN PAPERBACK THIS THURSDAY, 19TH JUNE, and I am so excited about it I woke up at 6.45am today! I never wake up at 6.45am.

And so it’s WIN TIME. Lots of you said you fancied a signed copy and/or invite to my launch party, so here’s what you need to do. I’ve popped a little shot of the glorious book jacket over on my facebook page and all I’m asking you to do is to share it on your own FB page. And then tweet me, or FB comment me, or leave a comment on this blog telling me you’ve done it. SIMPLES. That way we make sure the world knows about this book AND people get to win stuff. Sound good?

Good. If you’re in for the party as well as the book, say on your tweet. You’ll need to be able to get to central London this coming Thursday for 6.30pm.

Thanks again for all your support, folks. As you know it’s been a fairly unusual year for me and you guys have been amazing – especially in the run-up to publication! BIG BLOODY LOVE IN, YES? xxx

Life I Love: FRANCE!

Well hi there!

The Man and I were well naughty. We went to France for a week and then refused to come home! We stayed for two! We is terrible!

We are not terrible. We are wise. The weather was beautiful, the cheese was stinky, the vineyards were stunning, the people were lovely, our little tent was palatial and thanks to a great website someone recommended – coolcamping.co.uk – we stayed in some of the most peaceful, beautiful rural campsites in France.

We left for France on the anniversary of me being struck down by ME. Few words can describe the relief and gratitude I felt for a fit, healthy body and a relaxed and positive mind.

I’m refreshed, a bit brown, probably quite fat after all the cheese, and READY for my book launch this Thursday! STAND BY! THE UNFINISHED SYMPHONY OF YOU AND ME is on its way!

Giveaways and launch-related news posted here tomorrow.

X

Life I love: Springwatch

I remember listening to my Mum trying to explain, a few years back, why she loves the BBC’s coverage of the Chelsea Flower Show so much. She watches it every year with such great enthusiasm and joy; anyone making noise while it is on is summarily ejected from the room.

I did listen to her reasoning but I did not get it. ‘that’ll never happen to me,‘ I thought secretly. ‘However old I get.’

Only it has, with Springwatch. Friends, I am completely addicted. I love it so much that last night I actually found myself doing a round up of what had happened the night before for The Man, who had missed it. I was even heard to say ‘Chris got really cross about the tweets about the Bitterns, it was SOOOOO funny.’

I can’t tell you how much I love this programme. And actually I needn’t be embarrassed anyway; what greater a subject is there for telly than the natural world? Naughty beavers! Lovelorn guillemots! Baby rabbits! CHRIS THE CUCKOO! I mean, my God! We are going to France next week. I shall be recording every episode. And I don’t care.

Who wants The Unfinished Symphony of You and Me . . . .EARLY?

People, I have amazing news. Penguin have been in talks with all the lovely folk who sell my books online and here’s what they’ve agreed: If this video below reaches 1000 hits, they will release the ebook of Unfinished Symphony EARLY. As in, a whole week early. You could be reading it in JUST OVER A WEEK! HEAR ME NOW!

Given how many of you have wailed at me about having to wait for this book, I think this is a marvellous little thing. I for one am definitely up for having that little bad boy on my Kindle before June 19th. Um, even though as you probably remember, I don’t own a kindle.

Never mind. Here’s the video, which features snippets written by none other than YOU guys. It’s of me being hauled into Penguin to talk about my VERY BAD LANGUAGE. And also my VERY ODD LANGUAGE.That marketing exec Joe gave me a right grilling. Enjoy! And TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW. Thank you. XXXX

And to pre-order your (hopefully EARLY copy, if you get viewing and sharing . . .) here’s the link: http://po.st/I1Mflu

Life I Love: Ten Pink (hairy, middle aged) rabbits

The Man, who was part of a group of men dressed as fairies, met another group of men – these ones dressed as rabbits – back in the early noughties. It was at the Heinekin Cup Final. Everyone was drunk. The fairies and the rabbits bonded. The rabbits gatecrashed the Fairies’ bus and went on an adventure with them. They all met up the next year. And the year after that. And the year after that . . .

The fairies have gradually subsided but the French Rabbits live on. They come to the final every year, dressed as rabbits, and The Man and his mate Danny have somehow joined them, in the absence of a band of fairies.

I love this. I love that on Saturday there were twelve drunk men in their forties roaming round Cardiff, dressed as pink furry bunnies.

What a bunch of knobs. God love them.

x

PS. I’m not allowed to tell you which of them is The Man. But he’s in there somewhere.

Life I Love: the best dessert

I spent a long time not eating sugar because I was suffering the misapprehension that I couldn’t handle it. Of course I could. I can handle anything. I have the POWER! I AM BASICALLY GOD!

I am not God. I’ve not even met him. Or her. Or them.

Anyway. I’m still exploring the world of dessert, which is such a joy. There’s something a bit shit (as in, monumentally shit) about being the weird one staring tight-lipped at their empty plate at a dinner party while everyone else chows down on some lovely crumble or tart or pie. Or, for my new American friends (WELCOME TO MY BLOG!) maybe a cobbler (PLEASE TELL ME WHAT A COBBLER IS) or something involving pumpkins (PLEASE TELL ME HOW ANYTHING INVOLVING PUMPKINS COULD TASTE NICE?).

Last night my friends made something I’d yet to try and it was so simple that even a dicksplat like me could make it: fresh raspberries with vanilla ice cream and home made chocolate sauce. Which is basically plain chocolate and a bit of butter and milk melted in a glass bowl over a pan of boiling water. Done.

Who knew? It was AMAZING! Unfortunately, I do not have a picture of it, so I’m instead treating you to a picture of my darling Grouse, who is coming to stay tomorrow. Grouseman! Welcome!