Cara C. Putman's Blog, page 108

Grief and Kids: a Hard Combination

Recently I learned of a 36 year-old mom in our neighborhood who died. Unexpectedly. Her family is emptied.

Earlier this year I lost my grandpa and uncle in close, unexpected succession. One week a part. My 4 year old poked my grandpa’s cheek as she tried to understand how he could be there in the casket, but so utterly not there. That the most real part of him was absent.

Six years ago I had my first miscarriage and felt my world fissure and shift. My six year old had just created wonderful diaper shaped announcements and given them to friends because she was so excited to be a big sister again. Suddenly she was confronted with a mother who couldn’t quite be there and the reality that the sibling suddenly wasn’t here either. That mommy’s tummy wasn’t so safe after all.

In each of these circumstances, my kids have been enveloped in grief. Sometimes it’s been theirs, sometimes it’s been a friend or loved one, other times it’s been the realization that something was possible. If we all took a moment, we could generate our own list of times that grief overwhelms our world. Sandy Hook. Moore, Oklahoma. The Twin Towers.

How do we live in a world broken by grief and sin and not become paralyzed by the what-ifs? How do we teach our children to live lives with one eye on eternity, but a determination to do everything they’ve been called to do for the span of time they are here?

I wish there were easy answers. I’ve searched for books to help answer the unanswerable questions. Will our beloved dog be in heaven? What will our baby look like when we get to heaven? Why would God allow that mother to die?

One thing I have determined is to ask the questions. To let my children watch me question but return time and again to the bedrock of my faith. Being a God-chaser doesn’t mean life is easy. Being a God-chaser doesn’t mean I always understand. But being a God-chaser means that when life is hard and the questions harsh and the valleys deep, I know who goes with me. And that is ultimately what I want my children to grasp.

What do you love about Jesus?

This week I’ve been thinking about what draws me into relationship with Jesus. Being me, I posed that question to my Facebook friends. The responses were challenging, inspiring, and all point to qualities of Christ. So I want to ask you the same thing as we head into the weekend. What do you love about Jesus?

Here’s mine: I love that I can rest in the truth that His plan for me is good. And even when life is terribly hard, He promised to never leave me and to turn what our enemy intended for evil into something good and beautiful. And when I ask, sometimes He lets me see exactly how He’s doing that.

Here’s what my friends said:

His forgiveness for anything.
 That His love is unconditional.






His love for us all.












That He “gets” me…. understands me in a way that no one else ever does or ever will…. 






His generosity.
His Love and Care.






“it’s the little things” that make me know I am special to Him – pretty hard to comprehend that the maker of the universe knows us each so well.












His consuming love!












His mercy!












That He is my Rock when things around give way!












That He died for my sins.












Even though it’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes, I love that Jesus, both in his character and his physical life here on earth, constantly shows me that I’m not a perfect human being. Whenever I become full of spiritual pride and think that I am better than others around me, I am always humbled when I see the perfect example of godly living that Jesus left for me to follow.












He humbled himself to be born as a child, grew into manhood, and accomplished all that was prophesied about him. He bore my sins and died for me (& all who will believe upon him). Not only was God gracious & merciful in sending his son Jesus, but Jesus was Obedient to the Father. What a LIVING example to try to emulate. Love Unconditionally w/o Reservations. And for All Eternity!












His unconditional love. It overwhelms me and drops me to my knees!












THAT IS LOVES ME SO MUCH AND WANT’S THE best FOR ME.












That he knows the real me and loves me anyways. That his love us unconditional. He provides, blessed and strengthens me daily. That he never fails. There are so many reasons it would be hard to list them all.












That He even bothers to love me.












That he was in no way religious but showed us how to live outside the box free to be who He made us to be.












His grace!!!












That he knows me and loves me anyway,












I can never get enough of Him. There truly is no one else that makes me smile as much as Him.












His steadfastness! He’s my Rock!












That He would die on the cross for me…












His everlasting love , mercy and grace! What a wonderful Savior we have. There is no way we can describe all He is to us.












He feeds people












Faithful and True












That he died for all our Sins!












That if I was the only sinner – He still would have died for me…oh what love!












HIS unwavering FORGIVENESS & LOVE












His love never fails












That he is everfaithful and I am so blessed to be his child!












I love the fact that He has so much grace. When I fail He is not there to condemn me but help me up and keep me going.












His unconditional, self-sacrificial love shining from His eyes… Oh how I love Jesus… because He first loved me… as the song goes.












His ultimate love & commitment to his Father & the reflection of the Fathers’ love for us! And everything mentioned above!:-)












That He’s my big brother.

Vine: Have you tried it?

A friend showed me Vine a couple weeks ago, and the other day I downloaded the app. I tried to think of ways I could use it that would be fun and let you in to my writing world. So here’s my first attempt. What do you think?

And if you’re on Vine, how do you use it? Any tips for a newbie?

4 Tips to Finding Peace as a Perfectionist Loving Mama

From my earliest days, I knew I wanted to be a mom. I also knew I wanted to take Katie Couric’s spot on The Today Show – hasn’t happened. Wanted to take Sandra Day O’Connor’s spot on the Supreme Court – also seems highly unlikely. And wanted to be the youngest state senator in Nebraska history – my college friend did that while I moved to Washington, D.C. So I guess you could say my penchant to do it all started early and has never left.

While I’ve never done any of those things, I have worked full time, finished law school, clerked for a judge, and worked with a law firm. I’ve developed a teaching career at a Big Ten University and I’ve developed the beginnings of a writing career all while welcoming children one through four into our family. I wish I could say I do it with grace all the time – I don’t. There are days I wish Wonder Woman would give her bracelets back. But here are some things I’ve given up in the drive to do it all:

1)   Control TV time. This actually started in law school before kids. When working full time and going to school five nights a week, there is zero time for endeavors like TV. So I allowed myself one show a week – in law school it was ER. That 10 p.m. slot on Thursday nights worked great. When I started writing in 2005, something had to give from my schedule. Now I let myself watch one show a week (plus football). At the moment it’s CASTLE – so the weeks it’s not new, I get an extra hour back, too! It also means we try to control what our kids are watching and how much. I want them outside playing, reading a book, or creating.

2)   I gave up my desire for a perfect house. It doesn’t mean I don’t still long for a maid…that would truly be the best gift EVER. But I have recognized that I live in an active household where the kids rarely leave. Because of homeschooling, the goal of a perfect house is really illusive. I also decided a long time ago that I didn’t want my house to be a museum. I want it to be a place where my children’s friends are comfortable coming…a good reminder to stock the snack cabinet!

3)   My husband and I have involved the kids in chores. This serves a couple purposes. One, their spouses will thank me later. Two, they are part of the family and need to contribute to the running of our house. While it doesn’t mean they’ve miraculously gained vision to see every out of place item, it does mean they help clean up the chaos they generate. Three, I’m training them to be productive adults. Sometimes they are MAD when I tell them to reclean something, but there will be times they will need to do thorough work for their bosses. This is preparation for an attention to detail. At the same time, I’ve had to be willing to let some of my standards slide as they learn and grow into jobs.

4)   Try to control the activities. Some would claim I fail at this. My oldest is a competitive gymnast, so the other kids have taken gymnastics. We’re already there. Our oldest son is on a swim team now, which means the younger two will be swimmers or gymnasts. I can only get so many places. We do soccer through a community faith program where the practice and game is immediately back to back on Saturdays. That way they can play the sport, but we can still keep some margin in our lives. It also means my husband and I are trying to coordinate when we say yes to leading different things. Reality is we can only be so many places at the same time.

What strategies have you developed as you try to balance the dream of perfection with the reality of life?

Road to the Christy’s Reviews

On Monday evening, the 2013 Christy Award winners will be announced. The list of 2013 nominees is impressive (you can find it here). I’ve read many of them, but am in the mood for suspense, so wanted to tell you about two of my favorite books from last year (the authors are men I am honored to know, too).

Randy Singer is at the top of this genre with The Last Plea Bargain (and don’t forget to buy his latest Dead Lawyers Tell No Tales…Eric and I loved it!) The Last Plea Bargain is a page-turning legal thriller that spins in so many directions I couldn’t walk away from the story. I loved that he brought back Jamie Brock, a character from another book. Jamie is facing the death of her father and the execution of the man who murdered her mother. The problem is that his appellate attorney is willing to do anything to get his execution stayed. The man is fully convinced that his client is innocent. Then the attorney who defended her mother’s killer is accused of murdering his wife, and Jamie’s put on the case. From there Singer weaves an intricate web that spins between the appellate and trial cases. The trial scenes are gripping, yet the non-legal scenes are filled with tension and underlying emotions. Singer is an absolute master — he’s crafted another compelling win with The Last Plea Bargain. I hope to see more books with Jamie…My only complaint is that he can’t write faster!

 

Jim Rubart is an author who comes up with mind-twisting plots and what-ifs. Soul’s Gate was no exception. The characters were interesting, but what grabbed me and is staying with me after closing the book is the idea that I want God to use me in a way like He did the characters. Imagine four people who fulfill an old prophecy. They are to come together to bring freedom to those who are in bondage. They have to start with themselves…and that means jumping in to other people’s souls — with permission — to do warfare for them. Jim admits in an author note, that may not be possible. But so many other things in the book come straight from the Bible. Bottom line, I closed the book with a cry in my heart and hunger to be used by God in fresh, new, mighty ways to bring His freedom to this world. Definitely a book that can impact readers as much as Frank Peretti’s This Present Darkness.

 

Story Behind the Book: Grace’s Pictures by Cindy Thomson

Today I’m delighted to have my friend Cindy Thomson join me. Cindy has been a good friend to me. Here’s one example. When I wrote A Promise Forged, I had to write baseball scenes since the book is set in the All American Girls Professional Softball League. Have I ever mentioned that I really don’t like baseball? Well, Cindy loves it and has written baseball books, so she very graciously offered to read my baseball scenes. She recently had a historical novel release, and I asked her if she would come share some of the story behind the story. I love Cindy and her story so much, I’m buying a copy to giveaway to one person. Read to the end to find out how to be entered. Here’s Cindy!

Five Things You Should Know About Ellis Island

I set my new novel during the Ellis Island era not only because the early 1900s were a fascinating time of contrast between rich and poor, corruption and moral reform, new inventions and old world traditions, but also because so many of us have ancestors whose life experiences during that time contributed to who we are today. Nearly half of all Americans have ancestors who came through Ellis Island.

Ellis Island was more than just an immigration station. Here are few things I believe all Americans should know.

For those who came through Ellis Island, it was the passageway to freedom and hope for a better life. For many life in their homeland was difficult, even dangerous. Some people came to escape the Potato Famine in Ireland. Some came because their families did not have enough land to farm for the younger generations. Some came because there were no jobs, no husbands, no opportunity to improve one’s own station or status in their community. In Grace’s Pictures , Grace McCaffery had no future but the workhouse, which was a horrible place to be. I blogged about those workhouses/poorhouses here.
Contrary to some of the stories out there, Ellis Island was not a horrible place. Only a small percentage got sent back home. It did happen, and there are heartbreaking stories to be sure, but on the whole the officials tried to treat the immigrants with respect and meet their needs. That’s why there were hospitals and accommodations that were vastly improved over the the ship steerage, and probably much better than where they were headed in the tenements. Those who were not released immediately were fed and many immigrants experienced foods they’d never tasted before like bananas, for instance. There is a famous story about a woman who ate the entire thing because she didn’t know she was supposed to peel it!
Ellis Island employed a large number of workers, but not an official photographer. You might wonder why there are so many incredible photographs out there of Ellis Island immigrants. Most were taken by Augustus Sherman, a registry clerk. This historical figure appears in Grace’s Pictures . Mr. Sherman had his own camera and wanted to capture the faces and native costumes of the immigrants before they became Americanized. Some even changed out of their native dress in Battery Park where relatives already living in America brought them clothes so they wouldn’t stand out as newly arrived and naive. I blogged about Augustus Sherman here.
During the busiest years on Ellis Island, many Americans saw immigration as a problem, even those who had immigrated themselves earlier. They thought the new arrivals would take their jobs, tax government services, bring more crime. All of these things are still debated today. I’m not saying which side to take, but just noting that history repeats itself.
The Ellis Island Immigration Museum is still not open after Super Storm Sandy. This makes me very sad. I was enthralled when I was there, and can’t wait for an opportunity to go back. I think every American should visit whether they have ancestors who came through or not because it’s a part of all of us. The Statue of Liberty will be open July 4, which is wonderful news. Both these National Parks need supporting. Consider making a donation.

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About Grace’s Pictures

Grace McCaffery hopes the bustling streets of New York hold all the promise the lush hills of Ireland did not. As her efforts to earn enough money to bring her mother to America fail, she wonders if her new Brownie camera could be the answer. But a casual stroll through a beautiful New York City park turns into a hostile run-in with local gangsters, who are convinced her camera holds the first and only photos of their elusive leader.

A policeman with a personal commitment to help those less fortunate finds Grace attractive and longs to help her, but Grace believes such men cannot be trusted. Spread thin between her quest to rescue her mother, do well in a new nanny job, and avoid the gang intent on intimidating her, Grace must put her faith in unlikely sources to learn the true meaning of courage and forgiveness. Learn more and order.

 Cindy Thomson is a writer and an avid genealogy enthusiast. Her love of history and her Scots-Irish heritage have inspired much of her writing, including her new Ellis Island series. Cindy is also the author of Brigid of Ireland and Celtic Wisdom: Treasures from Ireland. She combined her love of history and baseball to co-author the biography Three Finger: The Mordecai Brown Story, which was a finalist for the Society for American Baseball Research’s Larry Ritter Book Award. In addition to books, Cindy has written on a regular basis for numerous online and print publications and is a mentor for the Jerry B. Jenkins Christian Writers Guild. She is also a member of American Christian Fiction Writers and the Historical Novel Society. Cindy and her husband have three grown sons and live in central Ohio. Visit her online at www.cindyswriting.com.

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Summer Plans? 4 low-cost ideas to try with your kids

Summer is officially upon us. The calendar has turned to June and that means school is out for most of us. It also means we need to fill the suddenly empty days. Whether you homeschool or not, here are a few ideas to get you started. Then let me know what ideas you can pass on to the rest of us!

Become a tourist in your own back yard. With just a little digging, I bet you’ll find some museums that you’ve never explored. I can think of an art museum in our hometown that the kids and I haven’t visited. Then we’ve got the local university which I just learned has an Amelia Earhart collection. I’m sure there are lots of other resources like that in your hometown, too. With just a little searching we can created lots of inexpensive outing and day trips for our families.
Don’t be afraid to keep a little school in the schedule. Math flashcards or workbooks can be a great way to keep the math skills sharp over the summer or focus on weaker areas. Summer is also a great time to enhance areas your kids enjoy but may not have time to focus on during the school year. For example, my older two children have had private art lessons in the summer the last few years. It’s a subject they love, but slips to the side during the school year.
Scour garage sales or thrift shops for things that will let their imaginations play. Everything from dress-up clothes to books and games can be found very inexpensively. And no matter how many plans you make, rainy days will come. On those days your kids will be thrilled to have some new to them items to play with or read. And any time we can encourage them to tap into their imaginations it’s a good thing.
Does your child have friends they don’t want to lose touch with over the summer? Then try something like an interest club. Last year, my daughter had a once a month bookclub for her friends. They had a lot of fun. We added things like pool parties and sleepovers, and it became a great way for her to spend time with her friends and mix her friends across groups. Other moms graciously sent snacks so it wasn’t even a drain for me.

What do you do with your kids or plan to do when you have kids?

Barefoot Summer: Perfect Summer Romance

Denise is a master of creating characters and stories that I enjoy. Hers are always romance focused, and I am swept into a world where you know the hero and heroine can get together even though you know they should. This is also a story laced with the thread of regret over the past and forgiveness. You can’t move into the future without confronting your past and extending forgiveness to yourself and others. This is a perfect summer read. I can’t wait to return to southern Indiana in a future book!

ABOUT THE BOOK

Madison’s heart has been closed for years. But one summer can change everything.

In the years since her twin brother’s drowning, Madison McKinley has struggled to put it behind her. Despite the support of her close-knit family and her gratifying job as a veterinarian in their riverside town, the loss still haunts her.

To find closure, Madison sets out to fulfill her brother’s dream of winning the town’s annual regatta. But first she has to learn to sail, and fast.

Beckett O’Reilly knows Madison is out of his league, but someone neglected to tell his heart. Now she needs his help—and he’ll give it, because he owes her far more than she’ll ever know.

Madison will do anything—even work with the infamous Beckett O’Reilly—to reach her goal. And as much as she’d like to deny it, the chemistry between them is electrifying. As summer wanes, her feelings for him grow and a fledgling faith takes root in her heart.

But Beckett harbors a secret that will test the limits of their new love. Can their romance survive summer’s challenges? And will achieving her brother’s dream give Madison the peace she desperately seeks?

Purchase a copy here.

Learn more at Denise’s website.

The Bare-Naked Truth : like a big sister coming alongside

As the mom of an almost teenager, I’m always on the lookout for books that will help us have the important conversations. This book addresses to lies regarding dating, waiting and God’s purity plan. Each chapter starts with a story from the author that ties to the lie. Then she shares other peoples’ stories. People who’ve been in all kids of places. Some who waited, some who thought they waited, others who wish they’d waited. Each chapter ends with a fun quiz and other ways to apply what you think based on what you read.

What I like about this book is it is one more opportunity for teens and young adults to pre-think their choices. Life is hard, physical intimacy is tempting. That’s why thinking and deciding in advance is so critical. This book is a great tool to come alongside a bunch of sisters, learn from their experience, and then make a decision on your own.

ABOUT THE BOOK

The Truth About Sex and Waiting … Uncovered Purity.

Sex. Boys. Waiting. There’s something about those words that makes everything complex in a heartbeat, and raises more questions than answers. Is there something wrong with me if I don’t kiss a boy after a date? Or am I doomed if I DID? What if waiting is just a one-way trip to life as a crazy cat woman? And what if I tend to, um, think about a certain boy in a certain way? It seems that the lady at church and your friends have two very different opinions on the subject. And ‘Your Budding Womanhood: Staying a Beautiful Flower for Jesus’ just isn’t cutting it. Bekah Hamrick Martin knows the waiting game isn’t easy or straight-forward. InThe Bare Naked Truth, she lays everything on the table—including some embarrassing moments—as she explores the honest, naked truth behind what God means by purity. With additional entries from popular authors, you’ll see the bare naked approach to waiting isn’t always easy, but it’s worth the risk.

Purchase a copy here.

Visit Bekah’s website.

A Story of Hope and Forgiveness: The House that Love Built

I have known Beth Wiseman for several years, but never read any of her books. Then I was asked if I would like to read one of her contemporary novels. Because Beth has won many awards, I knew she had to be a great writer — boy, was I right! The House that Love Built is a story of hope and forgiveness. Set in the town from the movie Hope Floats, it tells the story of a single mother of two who begins to fall for a newly divorced man who buys a huge mansion in town to spite his ex-wife. Because Brooke runs the local hardware store and Owne doens’t have a clue about home repairs, they end up spending lots of time together. This was a sweet story with a wonderful cast of secondary characters who support and enhance the storyline. The romance was heart-stoppingly perfect. Beth has a new fan in me!

 

ABOUT THE BOOK

Brooke has only loved one man, her late husband. Owen’s rebuilding after a painful divorce. Can a mysterious house bring them together for a second chance at love? In the charming town of Smithville, Texas, Brooke Holloway is raising two young children on her own, supporting them by running the family hardware store. The last thing on her mind is falling in love. But she’s intrigued when a stranger moves to town and buys the old Hadley mansion. She’s always heard that house holds a secret—maybe even a treasure—and she can’t wait to see inside. When she meets the new owner and they spend time together, she can’t deny the attraction. Could God be giving her another chance at happiness? Or is she betraying her late husband’s memory by even thinking that way?

Owen Saunders bought the Hadley place to spite his cheating ex-wife. She’d always wanted to restore an old house in Smithville. Now he’s going to do it without her. But if anything needs restoration, it is Owen’s heart. Then he meets Brooke and her kids and finds himself tempted by love. Can he bring himself to trust a woman again?

Throw an eccentric uncle into the mix, along with the town’s teenage troublemaker, and even a finicky cat—and one thing becomes clear: God is bringing them all together for a reason.

Purchase a copy here.