John Janaro's Blog, page 281

Mirror, Mirror, Of My Self

This would be a good album cover, whoa...For me, the computer is like an external mirror of my self. The way I often use its many nifty tools (including the Internet) is basically a reflection of the distraction and vanity of so much of my life. But it also presents to me some very vital possibilities for pursuing the path of my vocation, a path where Jesus accompanies me.

With respect to distraction, this powerful gadget doesn't help make things better. It contributes to the fragmented and incoherent character of so many moments in my daily lack-of-engagement with reality, my daily forgetfulness of the presence of Christ in front of me and his Spirit within my heart.

Still, Jesus has grabbed hold of me, burst into my history, and taken control. The Holy Spirit is at work renewing me, and yet there are vast spaces within me that have scarcely heard the echo of the news that he is here; dark and deep places that I don't even know about, but that weigh me down with the fear that still emerges from them.

And yet, the computer and the internet are tools of communication. They can be dynamic places for the creativity of a writer (and the procrastination of a writer, haha). They are a service to my work, and I must make the effort to use them well.

I can recognize my weaknesses and ask the Lord to change me and draw forth from me an attachment to the good and arduous working for it. But the process of all of this, the measure of "how well I'm doing" -- especially for someone like me, for whom illness has rendered the mind such a confusing place -- is something that I cannot easily assess. The Holy Spirit works in his way, in his time.

So I offer everything. I pray for the grace to do the work he wants me to do. And every day I fall short, and I pray for forgiveness and for a greater change of heart. I'm glad God is God, because he can use even my weakness. But this doesn't excuse me from that tension which is involved in the vocation to grow in virtue and charity.

How much we all need to ask Jesus for His grace and mercy.

And right here, with the computer and the Internet, we have tools through which we can remind one another and encourage one another.

To Ponder God's Immense Love

"In these days
the Church asks us to ponder
with joy and gratitude
God’s immense love
revealed in the paschal mystery,
and to live ever more fully
the new life we have received in Baptism....

"May this Lent, then, be a time
when, as individuals and communities,
we heed the words of the Gospel,
reflect on the mysteries of our faith,
practice acts of penance and charity,
and open our hearts ever more fully
to God’s grace
and to the needs of our brothers and sisters."

~Pope Francis

Social Media and Lent: All or Nothing?

Some people have decided to "give up social media" for Lent. They're "off" Facebook or Google+ or whatever until Easter.

I respect this, and can appreciate why people might choose to do it. Lent is a season to go into the desert, to give our time to God, to withdraw from some activities (even ones that are good in themselves) in order to open up greater space in our hearts for silence, for listening to God. It may be seem like a simple approach to just turn off all the gadgets. Period. I would not want to discourage anyone who concludes, after prayerful consideration, that Jesus is calling them to draw closer to him by taking up this particular kind of solitude.

I do think that anyone who makes this decision, however, should consider carefully that it is not only a personal sacrifice (as if social media were the same as a television program or a preferred kind of food). To "give up" using communications media is to make ourselves unavailable to the persons with whom we usually communicate. When we make this sacrifice, we are asking them also to endure the loss of our presence through these media, to go without communication and companionship with us. This may be something they will have to accept, but it is also an important factor we should consider.

We must, of course, make every effort (not only during Lent) to use social media as instruments of genuine human interaction. If we are doing this (even imperfectly) then we are fostering real relationships with 100% real life human beings. We are sharing ourselves and our real companionship with them by means of these media. The fact that these are "virtual" media does not mean that the persons who use them are only "virtual" humans.

Communication, even by means of technologically refined media, remains an interaction between human persons and therefore calls us to give ourselves and to be receptive to others. This does not mean that it has to be something hard and painful. The fact that we enjoy and find a richness in using these media indicates they have the foundation of genuine human communication.

If we persevere online with a commitment to being faithful to our humanity and the humanity of others, we will find challenges and difficulties and the need to do hard things, such as the exercise of self-restraint, the courtesy that makes room for others, the endurance of misunderstandings, the willingness to admit when we are wrong and to forgive, and all the other elements of being human together.

Certainly, social media in a particular way lend themselves to remaining superficial, to the illusion of easy intimacy, and to giving less attention to more pressing personal and relational responsibilities. With God's grace, we have to recognize and struggle against these negative tendencies that the media allow by the very fact of their versatility, speed, and range. Nevertheless, these media also open profound and positive possibilities for communication and human interaction. We as Christians need to take responsibility for these positive possibilities; we need to cooperate with the grace of the Holy Spirit and make the effort to use these media for the good.

These are media that we can and do use for building real community among Christians and with others, for helping each other, for praying together, and (often unknowingly) for being present in some way to those who are lonely. We can be witnesses to one another, and even open up the luminous "missionary element" present in our daily lives when we share our joys and struggles, because the love of Jesus is at work within these very mundane joys and struggles. We can also consciously reach out to evangelize others, or we can be open to responding to new opportunities to travel paths with new people whom God may bring to us in various ways.

Of course we often use these media in a self-indulgent way (just as we often indulge our vanity in relationships we have with people we see offline everyday). A break of some sort can bring much needed silence and focus.

But is "all or nothing" the only possibility? Some may choose the option of "nothing" and ask us, their friends, to endure their absence as a share in their sacrifice. As true friends, we should embrace them in this and support them even if we do truly miss them.

Still, it doesn't have to be a question of all or nothing. There are many other ways that Lent on social media can be made meaningful.

We must remember that our presence here offers us the opportunity to practice "spiritual works of mercy" (not necessarily "talking about God" but even just being human here and helping others to have confidence that they are not alone in their struggles).

Certainly, there are other ways that social media can serve our Lenten observance of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. Some people might consider more limited sacrifices: e.g. staying off three days a week as opposed to a complete blackout, or checking in less frequently each day, or putting aside the use of mobile devices. Perhaps people online might consider some group prayer or penitential practices, such as praying a Holy Hour every Wednesday or Friday at the same time (and encouraging one another in this), or choosing a common text for Lectio Divina and sharing insights, or perhaps agreeing to a special sacrifice for a common intention.

Social media do not have to be a distraction. They could actually help us to stay in front of God in a deeper way, not only during Lent. But we must first recognize and be committed to the fact that social media are not "mind candy" that at best we indulge in as a guilty pleasure, that serve as nothing but a distraction and therefore have no place in the seriousness of our life.

Whatever uses and/or sacrifices we make this Lent (or any other time) on social media and the use of technology more generally should be given proper consideration. They should allow for the enrichment of personal recollection and also help curb careless habits and develop an attentiveness in using these media for good. We should ask Jesus our merciful Lord to form our hearts with his grace as we seek charity -- the motive of love of God and of one another -- as the focus of our presence online.

Ashes and Josefina

I got my ashes yesterday and so did everyone else in the family at different times and places... except for Josefina. She's still scared of the priest putting stuff on her head. We can't seem to convince her that it doesn't hurt.

It's ironic: this fragile little girl endured a lot of pain in her first year of life. It was seven months after her birth before she first breathed air outside of a hospital. Now she has all these diverse levels of growth and development as she continues to work through the consequences of those initial strange and dramatic circumstances.

Jojo and her Science Fair projectWe were joking (not entirely) the other day about how Josefina is seven years old, but in her level of mental maturity she's more like a six year old; and then physically she's like a four year old, and socially she's like an eight year old or more! (Haha, it's so funny how she charms everybody, and how she can do a presentation -- even before grownups -- with such poise and confidence.)

Sometimes she just acts like a baby (of course).

Lately, she's getting better and better at reading, and sometimes when I listen to her I feel this overwhelming internal groaning sigh of relief and gratitude... and relief: Dear Lord, I'm so grateful that she's alive! It's like some stiff muscle deep inside me is slowly relaxing.

Slowly.

I guess I still have some "post-traumatic stress" over everything we went through with her, even after seven years. Most of the time, I don't even think of it. Josefina is just Josefina; she's our little hobbit. That first year all seems forgotten. But every so often something wells up in me, like I'm still unraveling all the tension that I wound up tight inside myself so I could get through those months.

It's so hard (in a very particular way for men, I think) to watch your child suffer and not be able to do anything about it. You stand there and the medical staff goes around and machines blink and beep, and your child is sedated and has tubes on her face and her body, and you can't do anything. You stand there and you feel like you might as well be a pile of dirt.

You feel helpless. You have emotions but (especially if you're a father and a man) you're probably confused about them and they don't even seem quite appropriate. The mother still has this obvious and aching (and sometimes tragic) connection to her baby. You have to support her, of course. And people help out, thank God, with keeping the rest of the family going.

You just want to drum up the energy to get everyone through it. Adrenaline, or (if you don't have much of that) sheer nerves are summoned to battle. You are going to do your best to clear away anything that interferes with the survival strategy. And human beings are astonishingly tenacious, and can do amazing things. But it takes its toll.

We are all returning unto dust, some more quickly, some more slowly.

Josefina has been closer to death, physically, than any of the rest of us. We kept trying to tell her that the ashes wouldn't hurt. But maybe she knows more than we do about the real significance of this gesture.

Or, more likely, she's just acting like a scared little kid (and she's just not past that stage of things, at least when it comes to stuff like a priest putting black dirt on her head). Or maybe it's some incomprehensible combination of unconscious, inaccessible infant trauma and the fact that she's still just a little tweety bird (and who knows what other factors, like genetics and personality, and...). We can't worry too much; we just have to do what we can to help her grow and learn step by step.

And the steps are worth taking, because no limitation is the final word -- about her or any of the rest of us. We may be returning to dust, but even now we know that we are being drawn forth anew from that very dust into an everlasting life.

Thoughts From Ash Wednesday... From 1991

Kid's head is in the cloudsI can't beat posting the reflections of a 28 year old graduate student named John Janaro written on Ash Wednesday 1991. He was mostly repeating theologians and philosophers and works of literature that he had read. And there's nothing wrong with that, because he was earnest and was engaged in a comparison of everything he learned with his own experience of life.

He was unaware of the fact that he had very little experience. But you wouldn't have been able to tell him that; he would have just thought, "Oh those people over 50 are always saying stuff like that. They sound like my parents."

Still, there was the essential experience of wanting to live, and that is what's at stake here. If anything, we over-fifty types can become a bit too "settled" with our acquired wisdom, and forget that underneath it all the fire of life still burns. We will never be satisfied with dust. If we think otherwise, then it's probably because we have not yet had the ultimate experience which comes only in the act of dying itself. Then we shall be stripped of all but the choice of sadness or a hope that burns its way to love.


God answers the longing that makes us human. I wouldn't say it that much differently today, I suppose. Perhaps the main difference would be that I am more convinced that Jesus is here for me, even if (and when) I can't put anything into words.

I also know a little more about how real and how hard this all is (both death itself and the efforts to evade it), and how much in need I am of the mercy of God.

Make Us Vessels of Your Mercy

Lord, give us peace in our hearts. Give us peace in our families. Give us the grace to build one another up in love, and bring this love to the world.

Jesus, give us the grace to be instruments of your infinite mercy, which is the answer to every person's need, in every situation.

Open our hearts that we might hear your call to us in every moment: to be living vessels of your mercy. 

Give us the desire to live the mystery of your mercy, which is the measure of every moment we live, every action, every encounter with every person.

By your Holy Spirit, fill us with gratitude for the glory of the Father's infinite mercy and love.

We want to love him, to be instruments of his mercy, to radiate his love to others. Of course we fall short and fail in all of this every day, but we keep getting up, we keep begging for His grace to grow in us, we do not become "satisfied" with anything less, and we do not give up.

War Begins in the Heart

Today, the world seems a little more dangerous. And not only because Russia has invaded Crimea.

War is everywhere. It begins in the heart. Indeed, I see the roots of war within my own heart. Saint James articulates the whole thing very simply in the New Testament. We all know that this is true:

"Those conflicts and disputes among you, where do they come from? Do they not come from your cravings that are at war within you? You want something and do not have it; so you commit murder. And you covet something and cannot obtain it; so you engage in disputes and conflicts" (James 4:1-2).

Saint James tells us to pray. And we must not pray selfishly; rather in prayer we must surrender ourselves to God. We must give our hearts to God, because he knows what we are really seeking. The face of Jesus looks upon us to help us remember that God is infinite mercy. He wants to give us himself, and in him we shall receive everything. He wants us to trust in his wisdom and love. He wants us to trust that his mercy holds each of us in our depths, and is shaping us according to his designs.

When we forget about God, however, our hearts lose their way. We begin to think we are alone with nothing but the insatiable hunger inside us, and we begin to grasp for whatever is at hand. We crave and covet and we trample upon one another in the desperate effort to find satisfaction.

We make alliances, gather into groups and factions; we surrender our own identity to some designation: a party, a nation, or a social group that seem to contain the promise of power -- a power that can bear us forward and bring the terrible, implacable desire of our hearts to that mysterious place of fulfillment. Or else we try to obliterate the anguish that we find when we look within ourselves; we look for things, persons, causes, and powers that can substitute for our own person, that can allow us to escape from the self so full of needs, so impoverished.

Is it a surprise that we have war? We make war in our families, our work places, our communities, our society, our culture... every day.

It is true that sometimes we fight for justice. We fight to defend the good, to help the poor, to protect the vulnerable. But even here, if our hearts forget God we will lose sight of the real meaning of what we are fighting for, and we will be tempted to turn it into a struggle for our own cause, for the triumph of what we want and what we think we must grasp by our own power. If our hearts forget God, we will turn to violence, and even if we talk all the time about God, and call ourselves "soldiers of God," our fight will degenerate into a desperate, violent effort of self-exaltation. We think we are serving God, but really we are trying to escape from the radical need for God that cries out within us because we are afraid to give ourselves to him. We are afraid to trust in him.

But wait! It's too hard to trust in this "God." Where is he? Really! There have been times when I've had deep religious feelings and I've just "known" that God is there, but then those feelings go away and I'm left high and dry. I know, I'm supposed to have "faith," but what the heck does that mean? Faith in what? It's all well and easy to say, "God loves me," and "God is infinite mercy holding the depths of me," but those are words. Where the heck is he right now?

I know what this desperation is like. We all do. And the world is full of it. It's deep deep down in everyone, even in the most screwed up people.

And what about the God of infinite mercy, who knows us better than we know ourselves, who loves us with the love that is the source and sustenance of the originality of our being, of each one of us? Does he not know this question? Will he not answer it?

As Christians, we profess that God indeed has answered the need of our hearts. He has made himself present in a human way; he has entered the human condition and transformed it from within. He has come to us, and he remains with us.

He is Jesus.

"But where is Jesus right now?" That is a good question. Jesus is with us, and his presence is what changes us. We don't change ourselves by talking about Jesus (and, inevitably, arguing about him). And we are tempted to reduce his discrete presence to our thoughts and projects about him.

Still, his human reality stays "in front of" us. He is present and reaches us in the transforming power of the Holy Spirit through the human reality of his Church. Through the Church, Jesus teaches us, leads us, and touches us concretely in the sacraments. He invites us to approach him in prayer and love, to be united to him by the Holy Spirit as sons of the Father.

He changes our hearts.

Even here, God understands us. He knows we change through time, often slowly. He knows that we can even reduce "the Church" to a routine, or a mere compartment of ourselves. Worse, we can take human elements of the Church and use them badly; we can use them as pretexts for manipulative or destructive behavior.

But not entirely. Jesus remains with us. The Holy Spirit has been poured out upon the earth, and works mysteriously in the heart of every human person, leading them to the One for whom they have been created. Every circumstance of every person's life in invested with meaning and value, as the mystery of God's love seeks always to draw each person to himself. On the cross, Jesus has given to each person a love that remains, within and beyond every suffering, every limitation.

Jesus remains with us. This is the great promise of the sacraments, and in particular the Eucharist. Everyone else can be forgetful, and the priest who says Mass can be an incoherent man or even a dangerous man, and still Jesus gives himself to me in the Eucharist. Are the people ignorant, distracted, unfaithful? Is the priest a villain? The Eucharist is still Jesus himself.

Jesus remains with us, constantly provoking our lives. He looks upon us each day and begs for our love through the persons he has placed in our lives. The "neighbor" -- the person who is "near" us -- constantly knocks upon the door of our own limits and preoccupations, asking from the need that rises from his or her heart. The person near me is Jesus. The person near me is my brother, my sister, my companion. We are called to help each other. "Love one another." Jesus has promised to be with us through this mutual love, to build communion among us and with him, to build peace.

The Drums of War

Russian soldiers enter Crimea to "protect Russian nationals." President Putin receives authorization from Russian Parliament to use military force in Ukraine.

"On March 1, 2014 the Russian military invaded Ukraine, and the war began...."

This is a sentence that I hope and pray will NOT be written in history books of the future. At this moment, it is still possible to hope....

We cannot imagine what the strange unfolding of the 21st century will bring. The human race has scarcely begun to come to grips with the implications of the unprecedented material power we hold in our hands.

We really have no idea what might happen in a major regional or global war. We are more ignorant than the enthusiastic young men of Europe in 1914, who rushed into battle with their shiny bayonets and were met by machine gun fire.

Peace depends on the grace of God, and a new kind of heroism: a heroic restraint, understanding, communication, savvy, civility, courage, and wisdom.

We must pray for the Lord to raise up heroes, and we must try -- within whatever seemingly insignificant circumstances we may find ourselves, and with trust in God -- to be heroes.

Ukraine: Where Will it All Lead?

Maidan in Kiev, pre-protests. Great events have begun. Where will they lead? As February comes to an end, we are full of questions about an ancient land, and also perhaps about the future. It would appear that what began last Fall as protests in the center of Kiev has been transformed into the Maidan Revolution. A corrupt dictatorship has been overthrown, and steps are in place for the election of a new President in May. But what lies ahead is far more complicated than "a Ukrainian Spring."

We know little about the history of this nation whose name means "the Borderland." A thousand years ago, the monarch of a region of Slavic peoples who were known as the Rus converted to Byzantine Christianity. The prince venerated today as St. Vladimir consolidated the region, and over the next two hundred years its capital city of Kiev arose as a vital center of civilization and culture in the Christian East.

But ancient Kiev disappeared after the Mongol invasions, and hundreds of years later -- when Eastern Slavs finally through off the Mongol yoke -- another city rose in the north, the city of Moscow. It was the Grand Duke of Moscow who married the niece of the last Byzantine Emperor, and his successors gathered the Slavs and their territories into an Empire that saw itself as the bearer of the great imperial heritage of Rome. Moscow's leaders took to themselves the mystique behind that unique name, Caesar, which they adopted as their own. Ancient Kiev was subsumed under the Empire of the Russian Czars.

One of the more peculiar things about the Soviet Union was the degree to which it held the territory of the old Empire together, including this land of the south, that bordered the Black Sea and the Latin West. One face of Ukraine (in the East) looked toward the Russian heartland and the other toward Europe. Ukrainians retained their distinctive language, and their awareness of themselves as a great, subjected people.

Stalin determined to break that spirit, and by politically engineered famine and the brutal exile of the population, he created a genocide that took the lives of some thirty million people, a genocide whose story has only begun to be told, the Holodomor.

After the fall of the Soviet Union, Ukraine asserted its national identity. A people with a proud heritage and a distinctive language, but also a post-Soviet society, fragmented, poor, and with significant Russian minorities especially in the Eastern regions.

It is a nation with much division, and as we leave the month of February, we hear rumors that Russian troops may have already entered the country, while others conduct threatening exercises on its borders. The Ukrainian Spring may play itself out as an invasion, a civil war, and/or a fragmentation of the country into its diverse regions. What will happen to Ukraine? And how will it affect the European allies of Ukraine and their partners in the United States? Will there be war between Kiev and its historically younger brother, Moscow? What will this mean for the rest of the world? These are serious questions with roots that go back a thousand years.

Much depends on the dispositions and the decisions of the new Czar of the Russia of the twenty first century, and the nature of his own imperial ambitions -- another man called Vladimir.

Thinking, Living, and Loving With the Church

The reactions to the Pope's video, at least in the comboxes of various YouTube sites where it is posted, have been decidedly mixed.

Many (both Protestant and Catholic) were very touched by the personal and "heartfelt" quality of the appeal. As far as its content goes, Francis was only presenting in a fresh way (and through a new medium) the "ecumenism of charity" that Vatican II called for, and that the popes have practiced energetically in many ways since the Council. Perhaps Francis succeeded in opening some hearts to take up this journey, and giving inspiration and focus to those who are already on the path.

Some comments, however, came from fundamentalists who are convinced that the Pope is the antichrist, and they warned people not to be "taken in" by the attraction. Some said it was a deception of Satan, and that everyone must flee from the snares of the whore of Babylon. Such comments were painful to read; I can only feel great sorrow to see people so trapped by their ideologies that they cannot recognize a genuine human gesture full of simplicity and love.

And then some of my Catholic brothers and sisters did not help the situation by expressing their anger at the Pope for "speaking to heretics and not trying to convert them." He was criticized for appearing without the regal symbols of his authority (including a crown), for speaking to non-Catholic Christians "as if they were equals." The Council of Trent was invoked as if it somehow mandated righteous hostility toward people who are seeking to follow Christ in good faith, people whom "the Catholic Church accepts...with respect and affection as brothers" (Decree on Ecumenism 3:1).

Those who want to know the fully Catholic character of Pope Francis's gesture should begin by reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church, ##817-822.

So the comments chattered, with the occasional atheist chiming in and declaring that it's all nonsense. Christians being nasty was certainly no witness to the atheists.

A lot of loneliness and pain gets poured out into comboxes. The fact that some fundamentalist Protestants think the Pope is the antichrist is not surprising. It is a sad thing, and I have no desire to heap vituperation on them in turn.

The insults and disdain expressed by some Catholics toward the Holy Father, however, is something that should stop.

There are even Catholics who question whether Francis is a true pope. These unfounded doubts, unfortunately, have been spread so scurrilously that Pope Emeritus Benedict has felt it necessary to answer in writing several questions posed to him in a letter from an Italian journalist.

“There is absolutely no doubt regarding the validity of my resignation from the Petrine ministry,” Pope Emeritus Benedict wrote from the Mater Ecclesiae monastery. He emphasized once again that his resignation was not in any way coerced, but was entirely his own free decision. "Speculation regarding its validity is simply absurd," he wrote. His responses, of course, were published in La Stampa and quickly circulated around the world to be picked up by every secular media outlet so that the Church might look foolish.

I hope that Benedict has closed this speculation. The fact that he felt it necessary to reaffirm publicly, in writing, the action that he carried out clearly and unambiguously a year ago is a shame. This is what happens when Catholics allow and even cultivate an atmosphere of casual disrespect -- a condescending and mocking attitude -- toward our present Pope. It is disgraceful.

I speak forcefully here, but I do understand that for some in the Church this has been a difficult period. When I was young, I suffered from some difficulties like this myself. In my career I have come to know many, many churchmen. They are flawed men. Sometimes churchmen do inexcusably bad things. There are scandals; more scandals than we realize. There always have been scandals.

But Jesus is still risen from the dead, and he is still with us. In particular, Jesus has promised that he will lead us and guide us in the Holy Spirit through the ministry of the bishop of Rome, the successor of St. Peter, the Pope. In the midst of whatever confusion, I hold fast to that promise, and I am willing to allow that promise to open up my life to God's design, which is something infinitely greater than my understanding.

I trust that Jesus is working through the Catholic Church as she is present in the world today. I haven't always had that trust. I've struggled. I used to assume that I was obligated to suffer anxiety about the Pope and the Church in the post-conciliar era because I couldn't see with my own mind the coherence of certain things; I couldn't see how they fit into my preconceived categories about what the Church should be. I had years of back-and-forth arguing with others, myself, and God, but those years are long behind me.

What changed me was that I met something in reality that was greater than any of my ideas. I met people who were full of joy, who loved Jesus, who loved the Church, who loved the Pope. What changed me was that a point of reference greater than myself took hold of my life. I found that Jesus was a real Person, that he loved me, really, personally. Following the Church, and following the Pope, was not a game of mental gymnastics; it was a matter of staying with the living God who gives me my being, redeems me, and draws me to himself. As Pope Benedict XVI said, "Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction" (Deus Caritas Est, 1).

Following Jesus in the Church with my freedom and also with my intelligence has enlarged me as a human being, and enabled me to be faithful to the truth without being afraid to be open to reality in all its facets and surprises and also in the difficulties and the suffering that simply cannot be resolved by anything in my power.

I can admit that ecumenism is not easy for me. (Is authentic ecumenism easy for anyone?) But that does not justify my rejection of the path that Jesus is marking out for the Church today. On the contrary, it is a challenge to me to seek a deeper understanding through a living adherence, which means looking to Jesus and asking him to shape within me an obedient and humble heart, a docility toward God's wisdom.

Of course, the teaching of the Council of Trent is definitive. The Catechism reaffirms this clearly. It does not follow, however, that the pastoral practice of 500 years ago is appropriate for today. Nothing in the teaching or pastoral practice of the popes today regarding ecumenism contradicts Trent. I am fully capable of arguing this point by point, showing that their actions are defensible. But this is not enough for me, and all too often those who insist on such arguments are not willing to be convinced. I do not want to suspend my adherence to Jesus in the Church and my desire to follow him concretely in order to first make sure that all of this fits in with my limited perspective and flawed logic. If I stay within my mind, I will get stuck there and end up going around in circles.

I don't want that. I want to stay with Christ, and this means that I want to follow the judgment of the Vicar of Christ for what is needed here and now for the good of the Church.
It is not my responsibility to watch the Pope, decide whether or not his gestures correspond to what I think the Church should be like, and then decide whether or not I want to follow him. He is, in a unique way, Christ's presence on earth, the continuation of Christ's human voice concretely guiding his people. In following Christ, therefore, I follow the Pope, making every effort to understand his gestures as part of thinking and living the mystery of the Church (sentire cum ecclesia).
The alternative to following Jesus present in the Church today is following my own judgment. Following my own judgment, or following others who are just generating their own ideas from an ideology (even an allegedly "Catholic" ideology that they have constructed from their own perception of the Church), has never produced anything worthwhile or fruitful in my life. What has changed me and given me joy even in the midst of many afflictions, is following Jesus present in the Church.
Thus, I follow the Pope. He is given the grace to watch over this "people" who belong to God, these particular people here and now. This Pope is given abundantly the grace of his office, to be the representative of Jesus Christ at this present moment. I am confident that he will be led rightly by the Holy Spirit to shepherd the Church, and if he makes mistakes, he will be led so as to overcome them in time (and thus I shall also be led). I love the Pope, and I pray for him.
What I propose here is not an argument. It is a witness. It is at the heart of my faith, and all that has truly sustained me in my life. Jesus in the Catholic Church is my hope.