Steve Shilstone's Blog, page 15
July 7, 2014
THE ELF QUEEN’S GLADE
A maze of gentle hedges surrounds the Elf Queen’s Glade.
I wander for days to solve it. I’m trapped, but unafraid.
Finally, yes, I step through. She sits there on her throne.
‘I’ve been waiting,’ she says. ‘Come closer. My, how you have grown.’
‘What’s that?’ I gasp. ‘Do you dare confirm what I’ve believed so long to be true?’
‘Give me your hand,’ she says, and then, ‘I’ve no other son but you.’
A maze of gentle hedges surrounds the Elf Queen’s Glade.
What joy to be a spider in the ever cool afternoon shade.
July 1, 2014
THE IMPERTINENT QUINCE
“Are you one of those quinces we’ve been hearing rumors about?” said one of the avocados pleasantly, just to be polite, just to make the newcomer feel welcome.
“What’s it to you?” was the quince’s rude reply. “Is that your skin or did somebody green vomit on you?”
“Well, I never!” uttered the avocado, stunned and offended.
“I can believe that. A fat blob like you couldn’t if it wanted to, whatever it was!” said the quince.
With a haste rarely seen, the avocados rolled from the bowl with what dignity was possible for avocados and wibble wobbled down the length of the counter to gather next to the microwave oven.
“Geez, I thought they’d never leave,” said the quince.
“It’s a yellow apple. A SOUR ONE!” called out the boldest of the avocados.
“I’ll be a preserve! What’ll you be? GUAC! HA!” shouted the quince.
The avocados were stuck for a snappy comeback, so they opted for haughty silence. They wished that they really were alligators, instead of merely being called alligator pears. Then they would give that insufferable quince a lesson in manners not soon to be forgotten.
Moral: Rudeness is not exclusive to the Animal Kingdom.
June 25, 2014
THE CAT’S EYE MARBLE AND THE CUDGEL
A cat’s eye marble, crystal clear with a wide yellow ribbon twist, rolled across the rug and came to a stop next to a short heavy club leaning against the wall in the corner of the room nearest the fireplace.
“Excuse me, club, are you tall enough to see the clock? I’d like to know what time it is,” said the marble in her small round voice.
“Cudgel,” replied the club shortly.
“Pardon?” said the polite little marble.
“I’m not a club. I’m a cudgel! I smash, bash and break! I crush! Oh, how I love to shatter things! Shatter, I tell you, shatter!” said the short heavy club with much emotion.
The cat’s eye marble quietly rolled away.
June 20, 2014
THE RUDE DOUGLAS FIR TREE
The biggest tree was twice as tall as any other tree in the forest.
“I can see the ocean,” boasted the biggest tree.
“Who cares?” piped up a young Douglas fir growing carelessly by the stream.
“You’re fat.”
“Why, you miserable toothpick, I’ll …”
With great effort, the biggest tree wrenched itself to fall crashing toward the
insolent Douglas fir. The fir, who had been planning for and longing to meet this
moment for fifty-three years, spun quickly away, deftly pulling up its roots and dancing
in triumph around and about and on the fallen giant.
“Missed me! Missed me! And guess what? Guess what? Go ahead. Guess!” taunted
the Douglas fir.
The biggest tree stuffed branches into its ears, closed its eyes and shut tight its
mouth in a grim line.
“No comment, eh?” continued the sassy fir. “Well, listen to this. I’M going
to the ocean! Ha! Walking there! How do you like that?”
And the Douglas fir did walk to the ocean, where it was elected mayor of the small town
there and opened a successful used car dealership and married an attractive plum tree.
Moral: Never underestimate a determined tree even if it is rude.
June 16, 2014
SPOKES
The mountain bike hung on the garage wall. It was deep night outside and quiet. All the back wheel spokes and most of the front wheel spokes were sound asleep after an exhausting day of spinning up and down rocky trails. The few awake on the front wheel whispered so as not to disturb the night or awaken their brothers and sisters. They discussed dizziness remedies.
“I felt like throwing up after the first rotation. How do you keep from barfing?” asked the new spoke, a recent replacement for the spoke bent by the most recent mishap on the mountain.
“I like being dizzy,” boasted his near neighbor, no help at all.
“Never mind her, new guy,” said the spoke two stations above. “I used to be dizzy all the time, too, when I first spun. It takes a knack to avoid it. Here’s what you do. Pick a cloud to look at. If there’s no cloud, choose something far as possible on the horizon. Even plain blue sky is better than watching those trees whipping by.”
“Thanks, I’ll try that,” said the new spoke.
“I like being dizzy,” repeated the near neighbor, a silly smile on her face.
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June 11, 2014
THE FOUL CONCOCTION
The foul concoction brooded at the bottom of the cauldron.
Why in the name of liquid brews everywhere did the crone add that last tincture of awareness to me? Trapped, nay puddled as I am in the depths of this ugly pot, what possible benefit can the awareness of my own existence bring to me? Pah! There she is again, looming above with her toothless grin. What now? An apple? Dipping an apple into me? Drip and gleam. Now I know! Yes! I cling to the apple for revenge. Who will bite into it and taste my dark gift?
June 9, 2014
THE INDECISIVE MIRROR
The vain queen stood before the mirror and said, ‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?’
The mirror, a little too proud of itself, replied, ‘Fair in what sense, your majesty? Equal pay for equal work? Distributing the exact same number of jellybeans to everybody for dessert? Whoa, I see by the invisible daggers shooting from your eyes that it’s my opinion on beauty you’re after. Well then, bottom line, when you get down to the nitty gritty, it’s in the eye of the beholder, isn’t it. What can I say? Your own brand of beauty is certainly top notch, as any blind rabbit could see. In my opinion, you’re definitely in the top five now dwelling in the realm, which when you think of it is saying quite a lot really. And the other four can’t hold a candle to your queenly garb. If they did, we’d have queen flambe’. Ha ha ha.’
At this point, the queen wrenched the mirror from the wall and dashed it to pieces on the stone floor.
One of the shards managed to croak, ‘You! It’s you! You’re the fairest!’ By then, of course, it was too late.
June 6, 2014
THE FRIENDLY TROLL’S FAVORITE THINGS TO EAT
pickles on pizza
and ketchup on ice cream
splinters of tree bark
and remnants of moonbeam
great mounded platters of rusted bedsprings
these are a few of his favorite things
May 31, 2014
THE MAGIC WAND
The Magic Wand removed the tamale pie, sizzling in its ruddy earthenware casserole, from the oven. She placed it on her favorite potholder in the center of the sturdy table, and admired the golden glaze of the cornmeal topping.
“Kids! Dinner!” she called.
“I don’t want any! I ate two bags of chocolate chips today, so I can’t eat again until Thursday! Leave me alone!” came from off in one direction.
“I smell tamale pie! I hate tamale pie! You know I only eat candy corn and honey!” came from off in another direction.
“Good. All for me then,” muttered the Wand of Life, and she tapped the table, sending sparkle spangles whooshing around in a whirl.
The casserole gleamed dull empty, licked clean.
May 28, 2014
THE FROG KING AND QUEEN
The frog king and queen lived quite happily in, on and under the garden green. For you see, they possessed everything their hearts desired and some bonus added extras. Years and years of collecting here, there and all about and around had filled bowers in the garden and caverns underneath it with more than too much dazzling treasure. There were jam jars, bowling pins, a wind-up toy in the shape of something horrid, bus tokens from the distant city, broken microphones, poker chips, and more and more and on and on.
‘Oh, what will she bring? I can hardly stand to wait,’ said the frog queen.
The royal pair sat on a bench in the garden. They expected the sorceress to arrive at any moment. The welcome lamp was lit.
‘She’ll bring what she’ll bring, my dear, something glorious to add to our collection, I believe,’ said the frog king.
And then, fraff, the sorceress appeared in all of her red satin sorceric splendor. She held a small something in her outstretched hand. She smiled her best smile, the one that deepened the dimples in her cheeks and crinkled the outermost corners of her merry green eyes.
The frog king and the frog queen gasped.
‘Can it be?’ they said in unison.
The sorceress nodded yes and placed a tiny ballerina into their grasping froggy fingers. From that day forth, the frog king and the frog queen and the tiny ballerina danced happily ever after in, on and under the garden green.
