Jaye Marie's Blog, page 2

Imposter Syndrome anyone?

The minute I opened my eyes this morning, I knew what had been bothering me for some time now. I had been wondering why everything seems so different these days. This year has been a nightmare for me, but I never once thought it might be me who ended up changing.

When this thought occurred to me, I was not best pleased, seeing how I was quite happy with my progress.

But it’s official. I have become an imposter. I look the same, but then again, maybe I don’t. You cannot radically change who you are and not look different, can you?

All this time, during my struggle to recover, I thought everything felt weird because of how suddenly it all happened. I don’t look in the mirror very often, so I cannot really comment on my appearance. I don’t feel the same, and I have noticed that I don’t see my world the same way either.

I feel like a stranger in my own house.

My brain is not mine. The way I think and feel about almost everything is alien and not me at all. I understood these feelings while I was still an invalid. Nobody likes feeling useless, do they? Even on a temporary basis.

Maybe it’s because there was a very real fear that I wouldn’t recover?

It took an age, and I am almost back to what passes as normal around here. I am still not as strong, but I am getting around like a trooper these days. Which is probably where all these thoughts and feelings come from. Why hasn’t the rest of me improved?

Where is my infamous work ethic, determination and all that inspiration?

I know that circumstances can change you, but my life has been full of similar struggles, and I don’t recall feeling like this before.

To be honest, most of the time I wouldn’t care if it snowed, and if you know me at all, you know how I always loved snow.

Hopefully, all of this is only temporary, like the paralysis, hallucinations and limited mobility…

Is this really me?

Sunday Thoughts…

This meme has given me a lot of things to think about. Hopefully, it will help to quieten the noise inside my head…

Sunday is becoming my thinking day. I realised today that there is so much going on all week, I don’t get a chance to think…

a great place to sit and think…

Enjoy your Sunday

The First signs of Autumn…

Mother Nature seems to be holding her breath at the moment. Leaves are not falling yet, but they won’t be long. Most of the leaves on my bonsai are already beginning to change into their autumn colours. The familiar smell of autumn greets me whenever I leave the house, that warm richness wraps around my shoulders like an old friend.

I was beginning to think I would miss the joy of my favourite month, forced instead to witness it from my office window. But I am finally strong (trustworthy) enough to be allowed outside, the threat of falling has almost faded away.

The other reason I love autumn so much, is that its bonsai time. Time for my full attention, to check all my babies to make sure they can sleep safely through the winter and wake up in the Spring…

I should probably start now, as there are so many to look after, and they have been left to their own devices this year. Writing will be confined to rainy days, although we have been having rather a lot of rain lately, so no worries there!¬

Should we ever leave our writing comfort zone?

I read an interesting article the other day about writer’s tendencies.

That women writers tend to stick to subjects they are familiar with, and that male writers usually jump right in the deep end. I’m sure this isn’t entirely true, but it made me think about my current WIP. My previously talented detective’s life is in the toilet, and he is struggling to regain control, but unable to see a way through to the other side.

I have been where he is and remember how hard it was to even think straight sometimes. This experience has certainly helped me to help him.

Writing with knowledge is how most of us roll, but I can’t help wondering if I could jump into the deep end and write something unplanned and unplotted. Something far from my comfort zone.

Sounds exciting though, doesn’t it? One of these days, I might just try…

Anita's latest poem seems to have fallen out of its comfort zone too...

My Mind...

My world is made of breadcrumbs
Only there is no Hansel and Gretel in this story
I know I’m not living in a fairy tale
Everything I touch crumbles, harmony is lost
My secret thoughts turn darker
At times my spoken word is edged with barb wire
I lose friends, family with my acid tongue
I feel as if I have fallen into a fog
Laced with hex
It follows me, breaking every step,
There is no one to tell this sorry tale to
They wouldn’t understand
Besides, what could they do
I must find my own way out of the labyrinth
Before I lose the only thing left to me
My mind…

AnitaDawes2025

In case you were wondering, we are well and truly in our comfort zones this week, writing up a storm!

Have a lovely week, folks!

Sunday Thoughts…

Times they are a-changing…

Everything is beginning to look and feel a little surreal at the moment. Just when it was beginning to look hopeless, so perfect timing!

Things are changing, literally minute to minute. Luckily, I am rising to the challenge, fingers crossed and hoping for the best!

Each day it seems, I can do things I haven’t attempted since before my disability began, which is shifting the workload from my sisters shoulders onto mine.

I cannot tell you how much this means to me. I am no longer totally helpless. Still weak and not firing on all cylinders yet, but getting there!

Wishing everyone a wonderful week. as we edge closer to Autumn…

State of Affairs

It could easily become misery city around here these days. For months, my sister has been taking good care of me and coping very well in unfamiliar circumstances.

Unfortunately, all of this has taken its toll, and in some respects, she is now almost in a similar situation as me. We are doing most things together now, a bit like the blind leading the blind, but at least we are getting things done.

Funnily enough, it is almost like the old times when we always did everything together and had a laugh doing it.

It was asking a lot to imagine she could cope, seeing as though her health was worse than mine to start with. She has been carrying on with just half of a working heart for the past five years now. Her medication keeps her going, but the added strain has been too much. And as you can imagine, neither of us are happy about this state of affairs. Changes must be made, and soon…

But who by… and when?

Facing an uncertain world together…

From both of us, with love…

A Stolen Future #A Shade Darker Book 4) #Psychological Thrillers

A rival to overcome… A truth to reveal…

A family firm. A long-held promise. What will it take to protect all she loves?

Alice Fraser has everything she needs. A comfortable home. A few good friends. A satisfying career. But when the promise made doesn’t materialise and everything changes at work she finds herself losing control of all she once held dear.

She could have left. She should have left. Instead she decides to dig in, and make life uncomfortable for her tormentor.

Petty revenge, she calls it. And that’s how it starts. But one day she is pushed too far, and once she takes the next step there is no going back.

A Stolen Future is a gripping domestic suspense novel. If you like character-driven action, suspenseful storytelling and unexpected twists then you’ll love this psychological thriller.

Our Review

The previous stories in A Shade Darker series were a wonderful introduction to the people of Melton. One by one, the characters are like our own neighbours as we become involved in their lives.

Book four, A Stolen Future, is subtly different to the others.  This story is superbly written suspenseful mystery. The tension involving Alice, the main character, slowly builds until almost unbearable. We are allowed glimpses of the complicated revenge she has planned, and this does nothing to ease our fears for her safety.

Alice keeps her secrets well, I had a hard job guessing what she was up to.

I couldn’t help but wish her all the best, even when it seemed hopeless.

Masterfully plotted and impeccably carried out, but will you be cheering as you read the ending?

About the author

Georgia Rose

Georgia Rose is a writer and the author of the romantic and suspenseful Grayson Trilogy books: A Single Step, Before the Dawn and Thicker than Water. Following completion of the trilogy she was asked for more and so wrote a short story, The Joker, which is based on a favourite character from the series and the eBook is available to download for free at the retailer of your choice.

Her fourth novel, Parallel Lies, encompasses crime along with Georgia’s usual blending of genre and its sequel, Loving Vengeance, has now completed The Ross Duology.

Georgia’s background in countryside living, riding, instructing and working with horses has provided the knowledge needed for some of her storylines; the others are a product of her passion for people watching and her overactive imagination.

She has also recently started running workshops and providing one-to-one support for those wishing to learn how to independently publish and you can find her, under her real name, at http://www.threeshirespublishing.com.

Following a long stint working in the law Georgia set up her own business providing administration services for other companies which she does to this day managing to entwine that work along with her writing.

Her busy life is set in a tranquil part of rural Cambridgeshire in the UK where she lives with her much neglected husband and dog.

Sunday Thoughts…

My garden is not looking its best these days, owing to my lack of attention, so imagine my delight to have a quick look around this one!

and a memory from last summer…

Me, on one of the good old days…

The L plates are on!

 

Believe it or not, I am still having to relearn things. I find new things to learn every single day. Hopefully, this will stop eventually.

Yesterday, it was PicMonkey’s turn. I have always preferred PicMonkey over Canva, only because it was the system I learned first. I’m sure Canva is just as helpful.

When I wanted to edit a poster I made last year, I found my account had closed. I didn’t know they could do that. I spent the rest of that morning running a crash course and paying for the privilege.

Having spent a fair amount of time upgrading to Win 11, I didn’t need this, but I soldiered on, needs must and all that. Luckily, it went well with no problems. Yay!

Something I am still having problems with is my medication. Long-term use can cause severe headaches, vertigo, and nausea. This is causing havoc, particularly with my exercise regime. I try to be a good girl and do it regularly, hoping it will eventually strengthen my muscles again. I am having to wean myself off this medication gradually, and hopefully, when I have, these nasty effects will stop. They haven’t been doing their job for a while now anyway.

I have also decided that it is time I had my knees checked out. Trying to pretend they will heal themselves isn’t working so well and is making my feeble attempts at walking even more difficult. Seeing the knee guy on Tuesday!

It seems that my life won’t be back to normal any time soon, but hope is still my best friend at the moment…

The Unexpected Challenge…

There was I, finally getting to grips with the current WIP, when this idea came along and settled in my head. I tried hard to ignore it, as it seemed a bit complicated. I thought it could be something to consider after I finish Swan Song.

Try as I might to ignore it, it would not be quiet. So much for having too many irons in the fire. But something else was happening, which made it so easy to switch horses. I was beginning to realize that I was being far too nice to my characters. There was a time when I had no trouble coming up with insurmountable problems, or nasty situations, so the day I found myself feeling sorry for one of them, I knew I had a big problem.

My first story, Nine Lives wasn’t an easy one to write. I always thought that first books should be easy and have wondered ever since if I made a mistake. This has nagged me for years.

When the problem revealed itself, the idea of a semi rewrite took hold, and I had no choice but to follow my writing instincts. And so far, I am thoroughly enjoying the process.

I want to relaunch Nine Lives this autumn, so will be asking for some help with this nearer the time!

(a weeny update, so amazing I had to share!)

I have been terrified of even trying to go up stairs. The mere thought of doing it makes my stomach turn over. But…

and this is going to sound silly… the weighing scales live in the bathroom and my family are refusing to bring them down for me to stand on. I really need to shed a few pounds, and it would be helpful to know just how many. It would make getting around a lot easier, so… I have been standing at the bottom of the stairs, staring up at the height of them, wondering if I could … if I should… have a go. Then the thought of falling, even from half way up, sends me scurrying back into the safety of my office.

Today, I put my good foot on the bottom step. When the world didn’t implode, I lifted the other foot. Before I knew it, I was up on the fourth tread. I came back down backwards, as the thought of facing down just wasn’t an option.

My family cannot believe I did it, but I know I did, and am grinning like an idiot!

Weighing scales, here I come… (I could have a shower while I’m up there, too!)