Virginia Gray's Blog, page 4
December 2, 2015
Road to Perdition: Susan Wade Saga (part 1)
On Series Creation 
Please tap cover to purchase ;-) So an author has spent months—years, even—writing a book. Now what? Well, it’s time for her to go about the business of publishing it. I won’t lead you through the great expanse of discovery, as this is my second book, and that would take eons. Plus, it's been done. What I will instead do, is provide you a voyeuristic adventure, where you'll peek behind the curtain to watch a crazed author take a book to the shelves. Stay close beside me, it’s a little scary.
I'm at stage…oh, let’s call it J for simplicity’s sake. At stage J, I have already written said novel, fought with my proofreaders and content editor about this sentence and that coma, and how convoluted the flashback section seems, and the lost the battle commonly known as "How come I can't use semicolons anywhere I want? I like them, they're the eyes of the winky face emoticon for goodness sakes!" My critical readers have had their say, and corrections have been made accordingly. Now it's book cover time.
I should interject here that stages A through stage H are about the same for both traditionally published authors (the ones whose eBooks cost around $12.99) and independently published authors (the ones whose eBooks typically retail for $4.99 or less)—you’ll understand the pricing differences all too soon. I am the latter, by the way. We call ourselves Indies . Based on political affiliation, this is about the place where the two groups diverge.
At stage H, the traditionally published author is ushered offstage by her publishing people and locked back in her tower to write the next revenue-generating masterpiece. But what of the indie? The indie, having chosen to lop off all—and I do mean ALL—of the upper management, has got quite a bit left to do before returning to her tower.
So...back to stage J: The Cover. I use a wonderful designer, Ashley Fontaine, owner of One of a Kind Designs. She created the award-winning masterpiece that is The Carrot's cover, so, of course, I absolutely must have her on this project. (Note said masterpiece, combining the "real" human-type image used on so many women's fiction covers, and the cartoonish city backdrop seen in chick lit) My writing is a melding of these two genres. The city and briefcase indicate a serious business woman, and the legs crossed at the ankles behind the case, suggest the character's vulnerability. Brilliant!
Now before we plow on, I should also mention that my situation is somewhat unique: I’m moving backwards-- literally. I wrote The Carrot as a standalone novel with a clear beginning, middle, and end, wrapped up nice and tight with a pretty orange bow on top. Well, much to my surprise, my fans demanded more—harassed me on Facebook and here on the website in which I dwell. Authors are entertainers in their base form, and any entertainer with half an IQ point knows better than to deny fans. Okay people, more it is! A sequel, which I am now writing during thieved moments. But wait, something is missing...
Susan Wade, my twenty-nine year old heroine, is hell on wheels, which makes her entertaining to say the least, but some readers commented that it took them a while to warm up to her. I want them to know, love, and commiserate with her from page one. I pondered how to attack this conundrum and decided that readers might enjoy getting to know Susan before she becomes the somewhat vicious and altogether jaded business woman creature they meet at the beginning of The Carrot . A story about a younger Susan: a messy, hopeful college girl embarking on her search for the American dream, stardom, the moon! (Or, that job that will mold her into said fierce and battle-scarred almost thirty-something woman).
What I've described would be termed a "prequel". But what to do with such an animal? After conferring with some trusted colleagues (we indies do that--openly share and wholly support one another), it was suggested that this prequel spearhead a series, of which that beautiful, wayward vegetable novel would become a part. The series would need a name, of course. "The Carrot Series" would make no sense, because: one, The Carrot is now second in the series (I'm a chronological kind of girl), and two, a "carrot" is a business term that really only applies to that particular story.
I/We/I decided on the Susan Wade Saga —a tongue in cheek of sorts, as Susan's life truly is one gigantic saga. So, this fresh off the farm prequel, entitled, The Interview , becomes Susan Wade Saga: Book 1, and The Carrot becomes Susan Wade Saga: Book 2. It’s like giving birth to a baby, and then later adopting a child who is older than the baby. Tricky business, because the baby, who has been with you longest, is no longer your eldest. Still with me?
So, as just stated, my baby has now become Book 2. Well, there’s our next problem. Do you see it? The Carrot’s cover must be altered to reflect its new position in the family line. "Ashley, Oh Ashley…"
Voila, Ashley saves the day! With a nip here and a tuck there, I have the new and improved cover. It bears noting that this blog has just turned into its unveiling. So….Ta Da!
Subtly modified cover still clickable for purchase. Also it's hit #1 Bestseller on Amazon, so that is noted under name. Yea!! It might seem confusing to readers who wander by the electronic shelves and notice that there is no "Book 1" companion piece beside The Carrot, so I don’t plan to exchange covers until the eleventh hour—which is rapidly approaching, I might add.
We’ll save the The Interview: Susan Wade Saga Book 2 cover discussion for the next blog in this series/saga/series.
Until we meet again, please keep reading!!
~Virginia Gray, Author of the Bestselling novel, The Carrot
Please tap cover to purchase ;-) So an author has spent months—years, even—writing a book. Now what? Well, it’s time for her to go about the business of publishing it. I won’t lead you through the great expanse of discovery, as this is my second book, and that would take eons. Plus, it's been done. What I will instead do, is provide you a voyeuristic adventure, where you'll peek behind the curtain to watch a crazed author take a book to the shelves. Stay close beside me, it’s a little scary.I'm at stage…oh, let’s call it J for simplicity’s sake. At stage J, I have already written said novel, fought with my proofreaders and content editor about this sentence and that coma, and how convoluted the flashback section seems, and the lost the battle commonly known as "How come I can't use semicolons anywhere I want? I like them, they're the eyes of the winky face emoticon for goodness sakes!" My critical readers have had their say, and corrections have been made accordingly. Now it's book cover time.
I should interject here that stages A through stage H are about the same for both traditionally published authors (the ones whose eBooks cost around $12.99) and independently published authors (the ones whose eBooks typically retail for $4.99 or less)—you’ll understand the pricing differences all too soon. I am the latter, by the way. We call ourselves Indies . Based on political affiliation, this is about the place where the two groups diverge.
At stage H, the traditionally published author is ushered offstage by her publishing people and locked back in her tower to write the next revenue-generating masterpiece. But what of the indie? The indie, having chosen to lop off all—and I do mean ALL—of the upper management, has got quite a bit left to do before returning to her tower.
So...back to stage J: The Cover. I use a wonderful designer, Ashley Fontaine, owner of One of a Kind Designs. She created the award-winning masterpiece that is The Carrot's cover, so, of course, I absolutely must have her on this project. (Note said masterpiece, combining the "real" human-type image used on so many women's fiction covers, and the cartoonish city backdrop seen in chick lit) My writing is a melding of these two genres. The city and briefcase indicate a serious business woman, and the legs crossed at the ankles behind the case, suggest the character's vulnerability. Brilliant!
Now before we plow on, I should also mention that my situation is somewhat unique: I’m moving backwards-- literally. I wrote The Carrot as a standalone novel with a clear beginning, middle, and end, wrapped up nice and tight with a pretty orange bow on top. Well, much to my surprise, my fans demanded more—harassed me on Facebook and here on the website in which I dwell. Authors are entertainers in their base form, and any entertainer with half an IQ point knows better than to deny fans. Okay people, more it is! A sequel, which I am now writing during thieved moments. But wait, something is missing...
Susan Wade, my twenty-nine year old heroine, is hell on wheels, which makes her entertaining to say the least, but some readers commented that it took them a while to warm up to her. I want them to know, love, and commiserate with her from page one. I pondered how to attack this conundrum and decided that readers might enjoy getting to know Susan before she becomes the somewhat vicious and altogether jaded business woman creature they meet at the beginning of The Carrot . A story about a younger Susan: a messy, hopeful college girl embarking on her search for the American dream, stardom, the moon! (Or, that job that will mold her into said fierce and battle-scarred almost thirty-something woman).
What I've described would be termed a "prequel". But what to do with such an animal? After conferring with some trusted colleagues (we indies do that--openly share and wholly support one another), it was suggested that this prequel spearhead a series, of which that beautiful, wayward vegetable novel would become a part. The series would need a name, of course. "The Carrot Series" would make no sense, because: one, The Carrot is now second in the series (I'm a chronological kind of girl), and two, a "carrot" is a business term that really only applies to that particular story.
I/We/I decided on the Susan Wade Saga —a tongue in cheek of sorts, as Susan's life truly is one gigantic saga. So, this fresh off the farm prequel, entitled, The Interview , becomes Susan Wade Saga: Book 1, and The Carrot becomes Susan Wade Saga: Book 2. It’s like giving birth to a baby, and then later adopting a child who is older than the baby. Tricky business, because the baby, who has been with you longest, is no longer your eldest. Still with me?
So, as just stated, my baby has now become Book 2. Well, there’s our next problem. Do you see it? The Carrot’s cover must be altered to reflect its new position in the family line. "Ashley, Oh Ashley…"
Voila, Ashley saves the day! With a nip here and a tuck there, I have the new and improved cover. It bears noting that this blog has just turned into its unveiling. So….Ta Da!
Subtly modified cover still clickable for purchase. Also it's hit #1 Bestseller on Amazon, so that is noted under name. Yea!! It might seem confusing to readers who wander by the electronic shelves and notice that there is no "Book 1" companion piece beside The Carrot, so I don’t plan to exchange covers until the eleventh hour—which is rapidly approaching, I might add.We’ll save the The Interview: Susan Wade Saga Book 2 cover discussion for the next blog in this series/saga/series.
Until we meet again, please keep reading!!
~Virginia Gray, Author of the Bestselling novel, The Carrot
July 9, 2015
First Anniversary of The Carrot
Happy Birthday to The Carrot!July 2015 marks the one-year anniversary of the release of my debut novel, The Carrot. So much has happened in the last year it staggers the mind. The story has moved many readers, prompting some to write lovely and heartfelt reviews. It has spread internationally into Italy, Australia, India, the UK, and Canada. And most recently, my little one hit #1 on Amazon’s Bestseller list, which was thrilling to say the least. But please don’t think this has come easily for me or my bouncing baby girl. In this business, nothing is easy—and it is very much a business.
I’ll put in terms of child-rearing.
Conception. I don’t remember the exact moment when sperm met egg, but suddenly my mind was swimming with ideas—a sea of possibilities; I was pregnant.
Gestation. For argument’s sake, let’s assume I’m not a human thing, but rather some mythical creature from the Fantasy aisle, whose gestation period lasts very much longer than 9 months. During this time, I wrote until my fingers bruised, until I was so sleep-deprived I couldn’t remember my name, until I finally disintegrated into my office chair. As I reached the last trimester, I deliberated over titles, cover images, formatting choices, fought with editors and proofers, discussed projected delivery dates, evaluated daycare options (Amazon, iBooks, Kobo, B&N, other). And then, one day, I went into labor. Those last hours were freakishly frantic; pushing, pulling, trying to make deadlines, praying to the literary gods.
Birth. The manuscript positioned itself, fingers pressed upload buttons, and then, swift and sure, I heard the first glorious wails of my child, my infant novel.
The Early Months. While conception to delivery may have seemed a Herculean effort—and it absolutely was, little did I know the real work had just begun; the raising of this precious thing. Within weeks, my child had grown into a demanding toddler. It was hungry for readers—for you! It wanted to grab you, distract you, focus your eyes on its words until the wee hours. But first, you had to notice it. Of course, I sent out announcements to everyone I’d ever known—but how many book-parents really know thousands of readers, tens of thousands?
Growing Pains. My child now needed reviews; it needed to rise above the ranks of its peers; it needed to be known. And I, like any loving mother, helped my sweet and somewhat sulky teen in every way possible. I became marketer, salesperson, blogger, social media expert, organ donor--Dare I say prostitute?
Maturation. Much to my surprise, one day I looked upon my baby, having exchanged the uncool cover of youth for a sleek new grownup look, and realized she was on the verge of adulthood—on the very verge of greatness! I shed tears of pride at graduation; Summa Cum Laude, no less. The Carrot had reached a pinnacle. It had touched the sky. And after breathing a well-earned sigh of relief, I smiled, looked directly into her all-grown-up pages, and said with great love, “Move your butt out of my house and get your own damned apartment!
Thank you to all the wonderful readers who have helped raise my first child. You have been more amazing than I dreamed possible.
If you haven’t read The Carrot yet, please visit Amazon http://www.amazon.com/The-Carrot-Virginia-Gray-ebook/dp/B00LNRWZPW?tag=geolinker-20, or your favorite book vendor, and help her maintain gainful employment.
If you have read her, please leave a review so others can meet my birthday girl! https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?ie=UTF8&asin=B00LNRWZPW&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=133140011&ref_=cm_cr_dp_wrt_summary&store=digital-text#
All the very best,
Virginia Gray, #1 Bestselling Author and proud Mom
Oh, and did I mention I’m pregnant again?
April 13, 2015
Is Social Media The Latest Form of Procrastination?
On choicesTo be a successful author, or really any kind of business person, you must get your name out there; build a brand, a soapbox, a stage on which to market your books. But erecting an empire via Social Media avenues takes a great deal of time and energy--time that could be spent writing your next masterpiece or creating that new amazing thing. A number of authors I've spoken with (On social media sites) have complained that they are having trouble writing, are unfocused, or that they don't seem to have enough time in the day to actually write.
When we don't want to edit, when ideas aren't flowing, what do we do? We check for new followers on Twitter, cruise over to Facebook to see what's happening, wander aimlessly on Pinterest, check all those messages on Goodreads, Linkedin, tumblr, Google+, or Instagram--Oh look! Kittens! The possibilities for procrastination are endless. I liken it to the old days when we flopped onto the couch with a bag of chips and watched something mindless on TV. How easy it is to get lost by clicking a link to read an interesting blog, following that link to something else, crawling across the spiders' threads. You look up at the clock and realize hours of writing time have fled. But these are things we must do, right? We must become educated in the ways of our craft! "They" told us so! Or at least that's how we justify it to ourselves.
And frankly, it's really quite fun--way more fun than proofreading!! Besides, we humans are social creatures, after all. I look forward to the friendly DMs on Twitter and Facebook (my personal vices). Virtually all my peer and business connections have come via social networking. I message away with folks in radio and television, marketing gurus, graphics designers, book cover models, photographers, publishers. I chat with people in Scotland, France, China, Australia--isn't that incredible? How else could I ever have met such amazing people? Could I dare ask for more? Well, yes, actually. I'd really like to write my next book.
While creating my first novel, The Carrot, I wrote a minimum of five hours a day. I resented having to grocery shop, show up for dental appointments, clean my house, etc. I would become furious when the phone dared to ring! I had no contact with the world of Social Media. I didn't even know a single author. The sum total number of my Facebook friends equaled 45; this number composed exclusively of family members and some college buddies. I didn't know exactly what Twitter was or why one would want to follow a local grocery store's tweets. Some of the other sites either didn't exist yet, or I'd absolutely never heard of them. And the thought of writing a blog…why on earth would I want to do that?
When it came time to query agents, boy did my world change. "Describe your Social Media platform?" Huh? "Include links to your website." Um, I don't have one of those... So I read blogs, searched sites and found out I was living in the dark ages. Soon I had accounts all over the place, hired a college kid to help set up my website http://www.virginiagraynovels.com/, made new friends, and entered an entirely different universe. Was my former existence ignorance bliss? Yes!!! And...no.
Upside: I’ve built a social media empire.
Downside: I’ve written little in the last six months.
My suggestion to you is this: Guard your writing time fiercely! Set limits for social media interactions. Consider visiting only at times when you know you couldn't write or effectively work well anyway. Utilize services that tweet or post for you such as Hootsuite: http://t.co/Zmrb0hY23s roundTeam: https://roundteam.co/ , Communit: http://commun.it/ , etc. Set them up for the day and then walk away.
Well, I've truly loved this time we've spent together, but I've got to go friend you on Facebook, follow you on Twitter, visit you on Goodreads, Pin your latest recipe--oops! I mean, WORK!!
Yours in social media,
~VG
PS Drop by when you're not busy:
https://twitter.com/VirginiaGraybks
https://www.facebook.com/virginia.gray.novels
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Virginia-Gray/599547070158865
February 20, 2015
Women’s Radio Network, WRNW1…Caution!!*
Recently, I gave an interview on the
Women’s Radio Network
, and I need to share that experience with you in case you’ve been approached. It’s important.I’m an author of Contemporary Women’s Fiction. I’d also like to think I’m a somewhat savvy business woman. In fact, I write about somewhat savvy business women. So what better way to reach my customer base than through an organization with a name like “Women’s Radio Network”? Or so I thought…
On February 6, 2015, I received the following Direct Messages on Twitter: Thanks for the follow! Please let us know if you want to be a guest on one of our shows. I said sure. They responded: Great! Please fill out our online form http://www.wrnw1.com/go-air/ and mention code "SH-SM" in the "Where did you hear about us?" section.
I become curious and a little excited about the opportunity, so a few days later I click the link and have a look around. I hit the “Listen Live Now” button, and what I hear sounds very encouraging. The site also looks very professional, so I fill in the form.
Within the hour, I receive a call. A woman confirms the information that I’ve submitted and connects me to a producer. He again confirms my info and tells me I can choose either Thursday or Friday. (It’s Tuesday) A little freaked, I pick Friday. He tells me I’ll receive an email with a questionnaire attached and that I’ll be interviewed by Lisa Singer on “Open Forum”. He then assures me I’ll be called and completely prepped prior to the interview, so I’ll know exactly what to expect.
I download the form and carefully consider which information I should provide—the details readers might want to know about my novel and myself. Also attached to this email is the interview announcement with link. I post it liberally on my webpage and all my social media sites, and ask my friends and followers to share, post, pin, and retweet. I am an advertising fool!
Friday morning, I’ve heard nothing more from the station. I am getting anxious. I’ve never done a radio interview before and have no idea what to expect. Further, by this time, I’ve encouraged at least 5000 people to check out the show, and I sure don’t want to come off seeming unprofessional. I finally get the call. It lasts maybe 30 seconds. I do not feel prepped and assured.
A few minutes before my slotted time, the phone rings. The woman says she’s connecting me with DJ, Lisa Singer. Lisa comes on and we introduce ourselves. The next thing I know, someone says, “3,2,1, and we’re live.” Lisa and I do the interview. I feel pretty good about it once we’ve finished. I hop onto Facebook and do a cyber happy dance.
The DJ calls me about 10 minutes later and offers some useful, constructive criticism which I gladly accept. She says she’s checked out my website and recites a few snippets from it. I hang up thinking it was very nice of her to follow up, very above and beyond.
About 20 minutes later... I get a call from someone who identifies herself as a Producer. She is absolutely beside herself and tells me that every interview is rated, and based on overwhelming listener response, I got a 6.1, which she then informs me is off the charts. Moreover, they (?) took a vote and decided they want me to do another interview, but this time with K.C. Armstrong of Howard Stern fame. Plus, because of my performance, they want to promote me. I’m thrilled. It’s like I’ve just become a finalist on American Idol. Yes America, I’ve got talent! Publisher’s Clearing House is knocking on my front door right now!
This producer further extols my virtues, and then tells me what the Women’s Radio Network is prepared to do for me. My stellar interview will be replayed 10-15 times per day for the next 30 days. She says a lot of other wonderful sounding things in such rapid fire that I barely have time to write them all down. They have some sort of relationship with ABC and Beasley and CBS radio and I’ll be advertised with CNN, New York Times (I’m an author, so I’m all over that one!) and she rattles off a list of other important sounding and amazing stuff including press releases. She then invokes the holy names of Hillary Clinton and Oprah and says celebrities contact them all the time to be on the show—not because they need advertising, of course, but because it’s for women and they support what the Women’s Radio Network is all about. My head is swimming and I don’t have time to think straight because the woman is talking 90 miles per hour.
Then she uses the word “membership” and that they (again, I have no idea who “they” are) have unanimously voted to give me “professional status”. That’s when my Spider-sense kicks in. Memberships typically cost money, and “Professional status” sounds like a casino term. My gigantic balloon begins deflating, and I notice she’s becoming very repetitive. Also, “they” have taken several more votes. Is Simon involved? I suddenly realize I’m hearing quite a bit of chatter in the background, but when I inquire, “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain” is the general message I receive.
Then the bomb detonates: Advertising is super expensive on all these fabulous domains, of course. People pay tens of thousands of dollars for such widespread coverage. BUT because I am so amazing and wonderful and awe-inspiring and the second coming of Janus Joplin, they’ve taken a vote and decided to cover most of the cost. They offer me (3) 30-minute sessions with K.C. Armstrong, plus all the kinds of advertising vaguely mentioned before, all for the low, low price of only $3,000 US. I will even get a plaque. A plaque? Visions of Orlando timeshares stream before my eyes.
Whoa, that’s a lot of money, I say. She replies that for $1700 I can have a two-show package, or for $1,200, a one segment deal. Of course, I won’t’ get as much with only the one segment, but for just this one time, they’ll include all that. My timeshare vision is replaced by one of me staring at the car wash sign, trying to decide between the whale wash, the dolphin wash, or the minnow wash. I don’t immediately press any of the buttons, so she launches into the But wait! There’s more! Because of my rock star awesomeness, they’ll let me have the one show gig for only $1,000. I feel better already, and I didn’t even have to throw a fit and pretend to storm out of the car dealership showroom.
I ask for an email outlining the proposal so I can mull it over. This is radio and they don’t do that, she explains, but once my session is booked, I’ll get all of it in writing. Hmm...So once I pay you $1000, then you’ll send me an email? Fascinating.
She again repeats what’s become her mantra: Give the Women’s Radio Network 1% of your faith, and we’ll do the rest. I say I need time to think and I’ll have to call her back. She then informs me this is a pilot program and prices are subject to change.
After ending the call, I pull out my Google Ouija board and look up the Women’s Radio Network reviews. There’s very little information. What I do find is one glaring red flag: A Blog entitled, Spotlight Radio Scam, by Heather Goff. The link is provided below.
In her blog, Heather explains that she knew she’d interviewed horribly, with lots of ums and long gapes of silence, but soon afterwards, a “producer” called her, falling all over himself about how well she did and how she ranked a 6.7 and that she was made for radio, and yep—exactly what my producer said to me—except, that Heather is clearly a better public speaker than I, what with that 6.7 and all. I read the blog’s posted comments—same story right down the line.
Since Heather’s radio program was called “Spotlight” and she’d written her blog a year ago, I went back and listened to a couple of the recently archived segments of the Lisa Singer “Open Forum” show on WRNW1…and then I reached out. And guess what? The lovely videographer in Florida with whom I spoke got the whale wash, too. She expressed disappointment; not because she wasn’t the mega superstar she’d thought, but rather because her main goal in going on the show was to assist other women and to support a group willing to give free airtime to those hoping to grow their small businesses.
I thought about her altruistic intentions and realized that I could do something altruistic as well. I could speak up and share my experience; help others become better informed.
The positive side of my 8 minutes of fame: The initial interview itself cost me nothing, I got to experience live radio interviewing, and I know for a fact that I reached at least one person--thanks mom! I also learned a few valuable business lessons. And maybe…just maybe…I am a somewhat savvy business woman, after all.
I wish you the greatest success in your business endeavors, but please swim carefully. Sure, there are whales and dolphins and lots of minnows swimming in the ocean, but there are a few sharks as well.
~Virginia Gray, author of “The Carrot”
Heather Goff’s link:
http://goffgrafix.com/blog/2014/03/spotlite-radio-scam/
*The previous information was relayed from my memory of approximately 24 hours post-event. Dollar amounts, specific details, and ranking numbers were taken directly from my personal handwritten notes during said phone conversations occurring on February 13, 2015.
October 29, 2014
Standing Naked on the Stage
On Fear of Criticism
If you are writing your first novel, short story, screenplay, poem, song, graffiti, at some point, someone will have to read it; a group of hand-selected reviewers, a trusted friend, your mother. This may terrify you. After all, your pages represent your most sacred thoughts, a link to your mind—perhaps your soul. I hesitated for a long time, afraid my work was inferior, unworthy, that my grammar was poor, that I'd misused the dreaded semicolon. *Note, potential misuse. Perhaps you’re having similar reservations. Perhaps you’re afraid your soul might bore or offend others, or, depending on genre, even seem black.
Your work is worthy, and your soul is not black—well probably not. I don’t actually know you, nor am I priest, but I’m betting money it's not. Your passion will bleed into your story, and others will sense it, be affected by it. And, considering the very small number of English teachers and the very large population of people who barely passed the subject in high school, most readers won't really care about that damned semicolon. Readers are forgiving—even willing to take huge leaps of faith, knowing you’ll explain it all to them later in the book. They want your story to be good, they want to be entertained or learn something, to cry, whatever. They want to believe in your awesome characters. And if they don't, well maybe they’re just not your target audience. Baskin Robbins has 31 flavors of ice cream for a reason; not everyone likes pistachio eggnog mocha swirl. *Note, second potential misuse. King fans probably don’t gravitate towards Sparks, but maybe some of those readers will be the eclectic sort and will gravitate towards your amazing hybrid: "The Notebook…from Hell!"
So, how do you overcome your fear of exposure? How do you step out onto that stage, naked and alone, hoping people don’t snicker, or worse, give you a weak smile and say, “You look…good.” Personally, I’d rather hear, “Go to the gym, lose twenty pounds, do a million crunches, get some plastic surgery, then you’ll be stage-ready.” Now, that’s useful—painful, perhaps, but useful. Constructive criticism is a gift. Even though it's about your baby, try not to become personally offended. You want your baby to grow up big and strong, don’t you? Well, don’t you?! Besides, your cat loves your story so much, he sleeps on it every day—Ha!
Now, who should you ask? If not friends or relatives, maybe a few strangers. There’s a certain safety that comes with anonymity. I hope you’re on Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads. There are tons of authors out there—many, very willing to take a peek at your manuscript if you ask them. Reach out and connect. They know things. They’ve been right where you are: cold and quaking with fear. *Potential misuse of colon. Besides, what have you got to lose? You don’t have to crawl into bed with them at night—unless they’re really hot and happen to live nearby.
If you’re still not sure about this whole disrobing thing, you may want to attend a writer’s conference, sit in on a few seminars, kidnap an author after a book signing and buy him/her/it a cup of coffee. Also, there are a lot of books out there to spur you on. Turns out, writers like to write about writing. Fascinating.
But, ask yourself the bigger questions: For whom am I writing? *Potentially correct usage of “whom” And what’s my real goal? Is it for the masses, to make a quick buck? If so, find out what’s flying off the shelves and give it to them, speedy quick. If you’re writing for you, and I truly hope you are, then by God, own up to it. You want your characters, ideas, words, story to be loved, embraced, appreciated, right? Well, guess what? No one will ever have the chance to do those things if you don’t overcome your fear, take that next step, and let them see it.
So, write fearlessly, and with reckless abandon; pour out your heart and tar-black soul, and then feed it to someone. *Really, I can't help myself. A few pages at first, then a couple of chapters, the first half—you’re doing great! Okay, ready? Full-Monty!! And know that one day, in the not so distant future, you’ll step boldly onto that stage, do a fancy striptease, and then dance naked before the whole wide world. Congratulations, babe, you’re a porn star!
~VG
If you are writing your first novel, short story, screenplay, poem, song, graffiti, at some point, someone will have to read it; a group of hand-selected reviewers, a trusted friend, your mother. This may terrify you. After all, your pages represent your most sacred thoughts, a link to your mind—perhaps your soul. I hesitated for a long time, afraid my work was inferior, unworthy, that my grammar was poor, that I'd misused the dreaded semicolon. *Note, potential misuse. Perhaps you’re having similar reservations. Perhaps you’re afraid your soul might bore or offend others, or, depending on genre, even seem black. Your work is worthy, and your soul is not black—well probably not. I don’t actually know you, nor am I priest, but I’m betting money it's not. Your passion will bleed into your story, and others will sense it, be affected by it. And, considering the very small number of English teachers and the very large population of people who barely passed the subject in high school, most readers won't really care about that damned semicolon. Readers are forgiving—even willing to take huge leaps of faith, knowing you’ll explain it all to them later in the book. They want your story to be good, they want to be entertained or learn something, to cry, whatever. They want to believe in your awesome characters. And if they don't, well maybe they’re just not your target audience. Baskin Robbins has 31 flavors of ice cream for a reason; not everyone likes pistachio eggnog mocha swirl. *Note, second potential misuse. King fans probably don’t gravitate towards Sparks, but maybe some of those readers will be the eclectic sort and will gravitate towards your amazing hybrid: "The Notebook…from Hell!"
So, how do you overcome your fear of exposure? How do you step out onto that stage, naked and alone, hoping people don’t snicker, or worse, give you a weak smile and say, “You look…good.” Personally, I’d rather hear, “Go to the gym, lose twenty pounds, do a million crunches, get some plastic surgery, then you’ll be stage-ready.” Now, that’s useful—painful, perhaps, but useful. Constructive criticism is a gift. Even though it's about your baby, try not to become personally offended. You want your baby to grow up big and strong, don’t you? Well, don’t you?! Besides, your cat loves your story so much, he sleeps on it every day—Ha!
Now, who should you ask? If not friends or relatives, maybe a few strangers. There’s a certain safety that comes with anonymity. I hope you’re on Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads. There are tons of authors out there—many, very willing to take a peek at your manuscript if you ask them. Reach out and connect. They know things. They’ve been right where you are: cold and quaking with fear. *Potential misuse of colon. Besides, what have you got to lose? You don’t have to crawl into bed with them at night—unless they’re really hot and happen to live nearby.
If you’re still not sure about this whole disrobing thing, you may want to attend a writer’s conference, sit in on a few seminars, kidnap an author after a book signing and buy him/her/it a cup of coffee. Also, there are a lot of books out there to spur you on. Turns out, writers like to write about writing. Fascinating.
But, ask yourself the bigger questions: For whom am I writing? *Potentially correct usage of “whom” And what’s my real goal? Is it for the masses, to make a quick buck? If so, find out what’s flying off the shelves and give it to them, speedy quick. If you’re writing for you, and I truly hope you are, then by God, own up to it. You want your characters, ideas, words, story to be loved, embraced, appreciated, right? Well, guess what? No one will ever have the chance to do those things if you don’t overcome your fear, take that next step, and let them see it.
So, write fearlessly, and with reckless abandon; pour out your heart and tar-black soul, and then feed it to someone. *Really, I can't help myself. A few pages at first, then a couple of chapters, the first half—you’re doing great! Okay, ready? Full-Monty!! And know that one day, in the not so distant future, you’ll step boldly onto that stage, do a fancy striptease, and then dance naked before the whole wide world. Congratulations, babe, you’re a porn star!
~VG
September 30, 2014
Is Your Writing Crap?
On Insecurity 
The question has plagued writers for 40,000 years—ask any Neanderthal. I have not-so-fond memories of flinging myself onto my neighbor’s couch and spewing those very words. “It’s crap. I know it’s crap. I hate it! What? You don’t hate it? You think it’s good? Really? Get off your couch?”
Of course your writing isn’t crap. Okay, well maybe it is to start with—everyone’s is—but it won’t be when you’re finished. Why? Because you’re an author, dammit! You care about what you’re doing. Moreover, you love it! There are fifty billion and three readers out there (exact number; documented fact). Your story will be enjoyed by some fraction of them. Some people like spaceships, some like medieval vixens, some like medieval vixens flying spaceships. I didn’t just ruin your premise did I?
In the end, who defines crap and non-crap, anyway? The great toilet in the sky? I think not. David Ball, journalist and author of Exquisite Darkness, says it well. “Never put off writing until tomorrow what the voices in your head can tell you is crap today. And don't listen to those voices.” Yes! That’s who defines crap—YOU! We writers tend towards schizophrenia, and if not medicated properly, often believe the snarky voices in our heads. Don’t. They lie.
If you’ve ever met anyone who’s read your really wonderful work, and you notice they’re looking at you a little starry-eyed, and then they tell you how totally freaked they were when that snow lizard was chasing your protagonist, Tesla, into the tar swamp, and how freaking awesome it was when she gutted it with her tanzanite sword, and that big smile blooms across your face and you feel all warm and a little “hell yeah!” inside, then you know your story wasn’t crap. It was damn good. You totally freaked somebody!
Let your spaceship story flesh itself out, then clean it up, edit, revise. You’ll get it where you want it. Be kind to yourself. And tell those voices to go flush themselves!
~VG
The question has plagued writers for 40,000 years—ask any Neanderthal. I have not-so-fond memories of flinging myself onto my neighbor’s couch and spewing those very words. “It’s crap. I know it’s crap. I hate it! What? You don’t hate it? You think it’s good? Really? Get off your couch?”Of course your writing isn’t crap. Okay, well maybe it is to start with—everyone’s is—but it won’t be when you’re finished. Why? Because you’re an author, dammit! You care about what you’re doing. Moreover, you love it! There are fifty billion and three readers out there (exact number; documented fact). Your story will be enjoyed by some fraction of them. Some people like spaceships, some like medieval vixens, some like medieval vixens flying spaceships. I didn’t just ruin your premise did I?
In the end, who defines crap and non-crap, anyway? The great toilet in the sky? I think not. David Ball, journalist and author of Exquisite Darkness, says it well. “Never put off writing until tomorrow what the voices in your head can tell you is crap today. And don't listen to those voices.” Yes! That’s who defines crap—YOU! We writers tend towards schizophrenia, and if not medicated properly, often believe the snarky voices in our heads. Don’t. They lie.
If you’ve ever met anyone who’s read your really wonderful work, and you notice they’re looking at you a little starry-eyed, and then they tell you how totally freaked they were when that snow lizard was chasing your protagonist, Tesla, into the tar swamp, and how freaking awesome it was when she gutted it with her tanzanite sword, and that big smile blooms across your face and you feel all warm and a little “hell yeah!” inside, then you know your story wasn’t crap. It was damn good. You totally freaked somebody!
Let your spaceship story flesh itself out, then clean it up, edit, revise. You’ll get it where you want it. Be kind to yourself. And tell those voices to go flush themselves!
~VG
September 15, 2014
19 Simple Steps to Publishing. Snort!
On the arduous task of publishing 
The following is a must have checklist for all Writer's Fraternity pledges. Let's call it Hazing, shall we? I think that's a fair approximation. Meet you at the bottom of the bottle!
Step 1. Write a fabulous novel--duh!
2. Edit and proofread and spell check and grammar check, then ignore grammar check because it rarely gets it right. Repeat 500 hundred times.3. Create a one paragraph synopsis that perfectly describes said 400,000 word manuscript.
4. Change title fifty million times.
5. Research agents. Find out what they like: their wants, hopes, dreams, how many children they have, their pets’ names, etc.
6. Query a million agents with innocent hope. Later (slightly jaded) settle into a well thought out form letter that can be tailored to each. “Yes, I love exactly everything you do. Let’s be pen pals!”
7. Chew fingernails to the quick and wait. And wait. And wait…
Stop here if you hook a big fish. I can help you no further!
8. Become morosely tired of hearing “No, you suck!” or the ever-popular void of silence.
9. Research self-publishing avenues. There are some amazing blogs out there with great tips. Read them!
10. Buy ISBN numbers for a tidy sum (not necessary for Amazon or iBooks).
11. Apply for copyright so B&N will sell your book outside the US (this takes 3-5 months people so get on it ASAP!) Remember, you are copywriting content. After thoroughly reading the literature provided by the US copyright agency, it appears your manuscript does not have to be perfect in all ways (I am not a lawyer, however, so don’t quote me). Again, Amazon and iBooks don’t care if you have one or not, bless their greedy little hearts!
12. Create a copyright page for your book even though you don't own one quite yet--shh, no one will check! Use similar, if not the same words/format employed by an author you deeply respect. *Make sure you're using the most current language available, as it covers every futuristic media-thieving scheme and scenario the craftiest of modern day lawyers can imagine—let me tell you those are some wily guys!
13. Create a cover. Some vendors, like B&N, have free pre-fab templates you can modify. Also there are wonderful freelancers with great ideas if you’ve got a few spare bucks lying around.
14. Decide through whom to sell your precious angel and follow their directions to the letter. Take a couple of chapters and dry-run them through the various publishing formats. Most vendors happily accept your documents in .doc or .docx format, so don’t freak out about understanding ePUB--that is until you want to publish on iBooks. Then feel free to freak out!! Please note: many independent writers choose to employ companies such as Smashwords to do all this for them in exchange for a percentage of the profits. I did not follow this route, so I can't speak to it. Please comment below with your experiences in this area!
15. Set up an independent bank account. Vendors require you give them a routing number so they can direct deposit your millions in royalties. Your lovely personal banker will be happy to assist you with this. Also, creating a dedicated account helps later when you're trying to off-shore your earnings. "No Mr. IRS man, sir, I only made $29.50 this year. Honest!"
16. Create a website, or at minimum a blog. Don’t worry, you’ll have something useful to say—you’re a writer! Just look at this blather. Your site should also be used to shamelessly promote your own work. And while you’re here, anyway…buy my book! Add links to all your vendors—make sure you connect these directly to your book! Sending readers to Amazon.com and expecting them to wade through thousands of titles to find yours is probably not your best business decision. Many blog and website makers are free. I used Weebly.com for this masterpiece and simply purchased the domain. (Think carefully as you choose that sucker!)
17. Create social media accounts on twitter, facebook, pinterest, tumblr, goodreads, whatever the hell else is out there, and get ready to market your book. Again, consider the names and handles you want to use. If there are a pile of Virginia Grays, for example, you might want to research that a little before committing your soul. Make Author Pages wherever possible (very helpful for your adoring fans). If you don't know how to do all of this, don't worry. Every fourteen-year old on the planet is a social media god. Grab one and make them your minion!
18. Explore options for selling the book yourself on said website-if you can figure out ePub (now you can beat yourself up for not earning that computer science degree from your local community college). Damn you ePub!!!! Also read about ways to boost your book's ranking on Vendor sites with techniques such as pre-sales and countdown deals. These have been very successful for many authors.
19. Bend over, grab your ankles, pray to the god of your choice, and click “Publish”!
Knock ‘em dead tiger!
~VG
*Disclaimer: This free advice is worth exactly as much as it cost you. Do your own research. It'll be well worth it in the long run, and people, this is a loooong run! Your career. Your future. So do it right!
**Also this list is woefully incomplete. Veterans, if you have any items to add, PLEASE leave a comment below. I will gleefully accept and share! New writers need these. We all need them!
The following is a must have checklist for all Writer's Fraternity pledges. Let's call it Hazing, shall we? I think that's a fair approximation. Meet you at the bottom of the bottle!Step 1. Write a fabulous novel--duh!
2. Edit and proofread and spell check and grammar check, then ignore grammar check because it rarely gets it right. Repeat 500 hundred times.3. Create a one paragraph synopsis that perfectly describes said 400,000 word manuscript.
4. Change title fifty million times.
5. Research agents. Find out what they like: their wants, hopes, dreams, how many children they have, their pets’ names, etc.
6. Query a million agents with innocent hope. Later (slightly jaded) settle into a well thought out form letter that can be tailored to each. “Yes, I love exactly everything you do. Let’s be pen pals!”
7. Chew fingernails to the quick and wait. And wait. And wait…
Stop here if you hook a big fish. I can help you no further!
8. Become morosely tired of hearing “No, you suck!” or the ever-popular void of silence.
9. Research self-publishing avenues. There are some amazing blogs out there with great tips. Read them!
10. Buy ISBN numbers for a tidy sum (not necessary for Amazon or iBooks).
11. Apply for copyright so B&N will sell your book outside the US (this takes 3-5 months people so get on it ASAP!) Remember, you are copywriting content. After thoroughly reading the literature provided by the US copyright agency, it appears your manuscript does not have to be perfect in all ways (I am not a lawyer, however, so don’t quote me). Again, Amazon and iBooks don’t care if you have one or not, bless their greedy little hearts!
12. Create a copyright page for your book even though you don't own one quite yet--shh, no one will check! Use similar, if not the same words/format employed by an author you deeply respect. *Make sure you're using the most current language available, as it covers every futuristic media-thieving scheme and scenario the craftiest of modern day lawyers can imagine—let me tell you those are some wily guys!
13. Create a cover. Some vendors, like B&N, have free pre-fab templates you can modify. Also there are wonderful freelancers with great ideas if you’ve got a few spare bucks lying around.
14. Decide through whom to sell your precious angel and follow their directions to the letter. Take a couple of chapters and dry-run them through the various publishing formats. Most vendors happily accept your documents in .doc or .docx format, so don’t freak out about understanding ePUB--that is until you want to publish on iBooks. Then feel free to freak out!! Please note: many independent writers choose to employ companies such as Smashwords to do all this for them in exchange for a percentage of the profits. I did not follow this route, so I can't speak to it. Please comment below with your experiences in this area!
15. Set up an independent bank account. Vendors require you give them a routing number so they can direct deposit your millions in royalties. Your lovely personal banker will be happy to assist you with this. Also, creating a dedicated account helps later when you're trying to off-shore your earnings. "No Mr. IRS man, sir, I only made $29.50 this year. Honest!"
16. Create a website, or at minimum a blog. Don’t worry, you’ll have something useful to say—you’re a writer! Just look at this blather. Your site should also be used to shamelessly promote your own work. And while you’re here, anyway…buy my book! Add links to all your vendors—make sure you connect these directly to your book! Sending readers to Amazon.com and expecting them to wade through thousands of titles to find yours is probably not your best business decision. Many blog and website makers are free. I used Weebly.com for this masterpiece and simply purchased the domain. (Think carefully as you choose that sucker!)
17. Create social media accounts on twitter, facebook, pinterest, tumblr, goodreads, whatever the hell else is out there, and get ready to market your book. Again, consider the names and handles you want to use. If there are a pile of Virginia Grays, for example, you might want to research that a little before committing your soul. Make Author Pages wherever possible (very helpful for your adoring fans). If you don't know how to do all of this, don't worry. Every fourteen-year old on the planet is a social media god. Grab one and make them your minion!
18. Explore options for selling the book yourself on said website-if you can figure out ePub (now you can beat yourself up for not earning that computer science degree from your local community college). Damn you ePub!!!! Also read about ways to boost your book's ranking on Vendor sites with techniques such as pre-sales and countdown deals. These have been very successful for many authors.
19. Bend over, grab your ankles, pray to the god of your choice, and click “Publish”!
Knock ‘em dead tiger!
~VG
*Disclaimer: This free advice is worth exactly as much as it cost you. Do your own research. It'll be well worth it in the long run, and people, this is a loooong run! Your career. Your future. So do it right!
**Also this list is woefully incomplete. Veterans, if you have any items to add, PLEASE leave a comment below. I will gleefully accept and share! New writers need these. We all need them!
September 3, 2014
Writing, a Romance
On The Stages of Writing 
Several years ago, my husband plopped an article on my desk after a business trip. I was in the early stages of writing and he thought it might help. It has remained beside my computer ever since. The piece was written by Libba Bray, YA Novelist, and published in Delta Sky Magazine, August 2010. I’ve never read anything that more perfectly describes the bloody process of churning out a novel. I offer you a reproduction. (All rights to Ms. Bray and Delta Airlines). Strap on your Depends!
“THE BEGINNING
Look at all my pretty ideas. Aren’t they pretty? That one’s a good dancer, but that one has gorgeous eyes and a car. And that one has the intellect of Spock, and he gets all my jokes. So intriguing. Yes, I’ll pick that one.
THE EARLY STAGES
OMG, y’all. My book and I went out again yesterday, and you know what? My book is so, so clever! Seriously. It was only our third date, and it brought me fresh metaphors. I know, right? I wasn’t expecting it at all. Plus, my book is easy to talk to—it never feels like work. We just relate sooo well. I think this could be something special. I’m seeing my book again tomorrow. I can’t wait.
THE FIRST DRAFT
I love this book. And it loves me. I never want to be without this book. What? Were you saying something? I’m sorry I can’t hear you, because my book just said the best thing ever. Wait—just listen to this sentence. I know! Isn’t my book so dreamy? I love you, book. This is the best book ever written.
THE REVISION, MONTH ONE
Honey, do you still love me? Well, it’s just that you didn’t say it back a few times. And you’ve been sort of inattentive. A bit. Do that funny thing you did early on. You know, that thing that made me laugh and laugh and think that you were the cleverest book that ever lived. I was kind of hoping you’d remember. No? It’s OK. Don’t worry about it. Really, I love you. Do you still love me?
THE REVISION, MONTH TWO
My book? No, things are OK. I guess. I mean, I totally love my book and everything, but…it’s not quite as clever as I thought. Yeah, like yesterday? I came home and read page 367, and…it wasn’t very good. In fact, it was trite and there were dirty socks on page 45 and the TV was left on again. Battlestar Galactica reruns. I feel kinda bad saying this about my book, but you know what? (Whispers.) I think it might be stupid. Don’t tell.
THE REVISION, MONTH THREE
Seriously, I cannot understand a word my book says anymore. How many more weeks of this hell do I have to put in before I can start up with some new idea, like the one about the succubus and the backpackers. So foxy. I bet that book is perfect. Unlike a certain annoying one I’m stuck with.
THE REVISION, ON DEADLINE
I hate you. I wish I’d never met you. YOU MAKE MY LIFE HELL!! My mother was right. I should never have gotten involved with you. What was I thinking, starting up something with this book? Do you ever even listen to what you spew all over the page?
THE REVISION, NEAR THE END
Sometimes, when I watch you sleep, you’re so perfect.
THE REVISION, LAST DAY OF DEADLINE
(Sobbing.) It was so beautiful once. (Honk, wheeze.) A beautiful word dream. (Sob.) Where is my pretty word dream now? Where’s my pwetty, pwetty word dream?
THE THIRD DRAFT
(Singing.) It’s a stupid novel, and I don’t care…
It’s a stupid novel, and I don’t care…
It’s a stupid novel, and I don’t care…
THE FINAL DRAFT
Thanks for meeting me. Look, I’m just gonna come out with it. It’s not working. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s…actually, it’s you. You’re stupid. And I sort of hate you. But thanks for the great line on page 400. I’m gonna go ahead and keep it because, really, you did give it to me and it doesn’t fit you anymore. Oh, and while you’re here, you might as well try the pie.
THE COPY EDITS
Wow. Fancy running into you. It’s been ages. You look good. You lost weight? About 10,000 words? That is something. Ha! I’d forgotten how funny you are. I’m serious—that was really, really smart about Elvis being a metaphor for fear of jumpsuits. Oh…sure. Yeah, I’ve gotta go, too. Great to see you. Keep up the good work.
THE FINISHED BOOK
That one? Yeah, we totally had a thing. But it’s over now. So, tell me what you were saying about the succubus and the backpackers? OMG, that’s funny! You know, you have such beautiful eyes.”
Peace, Love, and Brilliance!
~VG
Several years ago, my husband plopped an article on my desk after a business trip. I was in the early stages of writing and he thought it might help. It has remained beside my computer ever since. The piece was written by Libba Bray, YA Novelist, and published in Delta Sky Magazine, August 2010. I’ve never read anything that more perfectly describes the bloody process of churning out a novel. I offer you a reproduction. (All rights to Ms. Bray and Delta Airlines). Strap on your Depends!“THE BEGINNING
Look at all my pretty ideas. Aren’t they pretty? That one’s a good dancer, but that one has gorgeous eyes and a car. And that one has the intellect of Spock, and he gets all my jokes. So intriguing. Yes, I’ll pick that one.
THE EARLY STAGES
OMG, y’all. My book and I went out again yesterday, and you know what? My book is so, so clever! Seriously. It was only our third date, and it brought me fresh metaphors. I know, right? I wasn’t expecting it at all. Plus, my book is easy to talk to—it never feels like work. We just relate sooo well. I think this could be something special. I’m seeing my book again tomorrow. I can’t wait.
THE FIRST DRAFT
I love this book. And it loves me. I never want to be without this book. What? Were you saying something? I’m sorry I can’t hear you, because my book just said the best thing ever. Wait—just listen to this sentence. I know! Isn’t my book so dreamy? I love you, book. This is the best book ever written.
THE REVISION, MONTH ONE
Honey, do you still love me? Well, it’s just that you didn’t say it back a few times. And you’ve been sort of inattentive. A bit. Do that funny thing you did early on. You know, that thing that made me laugh and laugh and think that you were the cleverest book that ever lived. I was kind of hoping you’d remember. No? It’s OK. Don’t worry about it. Really, I love you. Do you still love me?
THE REVISION, MONTH TWO
My book? No, things are OK. I guess. I mean, I totally love my book and everything, but…it’s not quite as clever as I thought. Yeah, like yesterday? I came home and read page 367, and…it wasn’t very good. In fact, it was trite and there were dirty socks on page 45 and the TV was left on again. Battlestar Galactica reruns. I feel kinda bad saying this about my book, but you know what? (Whispers.) I think it might be stupid. Don’t tell.
THE REVISION, MONTH THREE
Seriously, I cannot understand a word my book says anymore. How many more weeks of this hell do I have to put in before I can start up with some new idea, like the one about the succubus and the backpackers. So foxy. I bet that book is perfect. Unlike a certain annoying one I’m stuck with.
THE REVISION, ON DEADLINE
I hate you. I wish I’d never met you. YOU MAKE MY LIFE HELL!! My mother was right. I should never have gotten involved with you. What was I thinking, starting up something with this book? Do you ever even listen to what you spew all over the page?
THE REVISION, NEAR THE END
Sometimes, when I watch you sleep, you’re so perfect.
THE REVISION, LAST DAY OF DEADLINE
(Sobbing.) It was so beautiful once. (Honk, wheeze.) A beautiful word dream. (Sob.) Where is my pretty word dream now? Where’s my pwetty, pwetty word dream?
THE THIRD DRAFT
(Singing.) It’s a stupid novel, and I don’t care…
It’s a stupid novel, and I don’t care…
It’s a stupid novel, and I don’t care…
THE FINAL DRAFT
Thanks for meeting me. Look, I’m just gonna come out with it. It’s not working. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s…actually, it’s you. You’re stupid. And I sort of hate you. But thanks for the great line on page 400. I’m gonna go ahead and keep it because, really, you did give it to me and it doesn’t fit you anymore. Oh, and while you’re here, you might as well try the pie.
THE COPY EDITS
Wow. Fancy running into you. It’s been ages. You look good. You lost weight? About 10,000 words? That is something. Ha! I’d forgotten how funny you are. I’m serious—that was really, really smart about Elvis being a metaphor for fear of jumpsuits. Oh…sure. Yeah, I’ve gotta go, too. Great to see you. Keep up the good work.
THE FINISHED BOOK
That one? Yeah, we totally had a thing. But it’s over now. So, tell me what you were saying about the succubus and the backpackers? OMG, that’s funny! You know, you have such beautiful eyes.”
Peace, Love, and Brilliance!
~VG
August 20, 2014
IT LIVES!
On Character Development 
A number of “The Carrot” readers have asked if I modeled the character, Pete Walsh, after Matthew McConaughey; the blond hair, the sexy southern lilt, the bigger than life personality. I get that. As writers we are affected by anything and everything. Do I find that particular actor amazingly attractive? Why, yes I do. I know few women or men—be honest with yourselves!—who don’t. Did he affect the development of that character? Hmm…
I believe to a certain degree, characters develop themselves… Oh, you need a villain? I bet his/her/its face is similar to one you’ve seen, its persona a compilation of some you’ve known, its behavior a blending of bad experiences you’ve had—that wicked Starbucks barista who wouldn’t remake your latte, the 8th grade math teacher who almost failed you—wretched bitch (oops! Did I write that out loud?), your friend’s meanie boss that you have to hear about ad naseum, Dick Chaney?
And eventually they take on lives of their own… I can’t believe he just said that!—that’s awesome. Quick write it down. Yep, that’s a swagger if I’ve ever seen one. Wow, what an evil facial expression he just made—stop glaring at me, freak! It’s a little like building Frankenstein—we use bits and pieces of our life’s fabric, sew them together, and then, as lightning strikes, darned if they don’t get up, blunder around, wreak havoc, and do things we didn’t initially expect. Congratulations author, you’ve just created matter from nothingness! Really, Einstein, your theories are so last millennium.
1. Is my Pete Walsh Matthew McConaughey? If my readers say he is, then who am I to argue? If they hear his voice when they read Pete’s dialog, imagine those abs when Pete yanks off his t-shirt, more power to them.
2. If they imagine a brooding Daniel Day-Lewis type, it’s their absolute prerogative.
A reader has sole rights to fashion your characters into their own images—to combine with yours, their experiences, thoughts, ideas, voice. As authors, we create flesh and bones, but readers dress those bodies however they wish. Remember, you’re sharing your precious gift with them. Let them enjoy it.
Happy writing!
~VG
A number of “The Carrot” readers have asked if I modeled the character, Pete Walsh, after Matthew McConaughey; the blond hair, the sexy southern lilt, the bigger than life personality. I get that. As writers we are affected by anything and everything. Do I find that particular actor amazingly attractive? Why, yes I do. I know few women or men—be honest with yourselves!—who don’t. Did he affect the development of that character? Hmm…I believe to a certain degree, characters develop themselves… Oh, you need a villain? I bet his/her/its face is similar to one you’ve seen, its persona a compilation of some you’ve known, its behavior a blending of bad experiences you’ve had—that wicked Starbucks barista who wouldn’t remake your latte, the 8th grade math teacher who almost failed you—wretched bitch (oops! Did I write that out loud?), your friend’s meanie boss that you have to hear about ad naseum, Dick Chaney?
And eventually they take on lives of their own… I can’t believe he just said that!—that’s awesome. Quick write it down. Yep, that’s a swagger if I’ve ever seen one. Wow, what an evil facial expression he just made—stop glaring at me, freak! It’s a little like building Frankenstein—we use bits and pieces of our life’s fabric, sew them together, and then, as lightning strikes, darned if they don’t get up, blunder around, wreak havoc, and do things we didn’t initially expect. Congratulations author, you’ve just created matter from nothingness! Really, Einstein, your theories are so last millennium.
1. Is my Pete Walsh Matthew McConaughey? If my readers say he is, then who am I to argue? If they hear his voice when they read Pete’s dialog, imagine those abs when Pete yanks off his t-shirt, more power to them.
2. If they imagine a brooding Daniel Day-Lewis type, it’s their absolute prerogative.
A reader has sole rights to fashion your characters into their own images—to combine with yours, their experiences, thoughts, ideas, voice. As authors, we create flesh and bones, but readers dress those bodies however they wish. Remember, you’re sharing your precious gift with them. Let them enjoy it.
Happy writing!
~VG
August 12, 2014
Ghosts in Your Machine
On Idea Inception 
As you write, random scenes, situations, characters, and vague plots drift about your mind like lost souls, occasionally bumping into your cerebral cortex—“Oops! Sorry.” Most are generally benign, but every once in a while a poltergeist sets up shop. It plagues your dreams, nips at your ankles, seeks you out in the shower. Quick! Write this down! Don’t drip on the keyboard!
Those guys are the ones we live for, because when their concepts and ideas fully manifest, they erupt, bursting into flames and become forged flesh! That’s when a book is conceived—and yes, ride out your rockin’ orgasm, then get to work. Write maniacally; ignore chores, mundane tasks, sleep, food.
My first novel, The Carrot—please buy, read, proclaim its greatness—was not the book I set out to write. I was working on a very different storyline, plodding along at a respectable pace. But as I peacefully typed, a wild pack of hobgoblins—some of whom you may know—attacked me. My heroine jumped out from behind furniture--Boo! My male love interest unfurled a lazy smile as I drifted off to sleep (don’t tell my husband!). Music sparked my imagination. Accents acquired faces. And it got worse…
Eventually, these specters completely possessed me, forcing all other work aside. Arguments, dialog, details, all thrashing against one another, and I was helpless to stop it. And why would I anyway? Take gifts when given. I’m not crazy. I doubt you are either—though crazy really sells!
But I don’t believe you can will this to happen. I don’t believe you can force the process. You can (and should) write and ponder and look both in and outside yourself, but if the spirit isn’t moving you today, if your mind is fried, if you’re in a non-creative place, walk away from the computer. It’s okay. It’ll all be there when you come back. Promise!
My advice: Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Let the ghosts rattle around for a bit. The magic will happen.
~VG
As you write, random scenes, situations, characters, and vague plots drift about your mind like lost souls, occasionally bumping into your cerebral cortex—“Oops! Sorry.” Most are generally benign, but every once in a while a poltergeist sets up shop. It plagues your dreams, nips at your ankles, seeks you out in the shower. Quick! Write this down! Don’t drip on the keyboard! Those guys are the ones we live for, because when their concepts and ideas fully manifest, they erupt, bursting into flames and become forged flesh! That’s when a book is conceived—and yes, ride out your rockin’ orgasm, then get to work. Write maniacally; ignore chores, mundane tasks, sleep, food.
My first novel, The Carrot—please buy, read, proclaim its greatness—was not the book I set out to write. I was working on a very different storyline, plodding along at a respectable pace. But as I peacefully typed, a wild pack of hobgoblins—some of whom you may know—attacked me. My heroine jumped out from behind furniture--Boo! My male love interest unfurled a lazy smile as I drifted off to sleep (don’t tell my husband!). Music sparked my imagination. Accents acquired faces. And it got worse…
Eventually, these specters completely possessed me, forcing all other work aside. Arguments, dialog, details, all thrashing against one another, and I was helpless to stop it. And why would I anyway? Take gifts when given. I’m not crazy. I doubt you are either—though crazy really sells!
But I don’t believe you can will this to happen. I don’t believe you can force the process. You can (and should) write and ponder and look both in and outside yourself, but if the spirit isn’t moving you today, if your mind is fried, if you’re in a non-creative place, walk away from the computer. It’s okay. It’ll all be there when you come back. Promise!
My advice: Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Let the ghosts rattle around for a bit. The magic will happen.
~VG
