Amy Freeman's Blog, page 2

By the Way...You're Miserable!!

I don't know when it ends. I think it might die around puberty, but I kinda think it might even continue on past that- especially for guys.

I am talking about a child's ability to push past pain in order to indulge in something fun. Have you noticed that a kid will go swimming in subzero temperatures simply because "omg there's a pool!"?
When my youngest daughter was little, her lips would turn a pale shade of "day old corpse" because she was busy swimming in subzero temperatures and didn't give a crap.

I have known several little boys over the years who simply do not feel pain. My friend's two boys used to gallivant across fields of stickers like veteran bushman-  (The painful burr types. Not the cute little animals and super heroes).


Just last month my son came in from riding bikes with his friend Austin. They sat down to play a video game and I noticed that Austin's knee had been to Vietnam and back.
"Austin! What happened to your knee??"
"Huh? Oh. I fell."
"Wow. That looks pretty painful. When did you do that?"
"Just now while we were outside."
???
You should have seen it. I would have been screaming in agony. But the best part is, it was already scabbed over which is why I thought it was an old wound. This means that he fell, reconstructed his knee, got up, checked it out, "Meh," and climbed back on the bike to ride with Jackson for another hour leaving little trails of Austin all over St. Augustine. Who does that?? Little boys, that's who!

I have also noticed that near death experiences have no affect on a child's decision to avoid certain activities. Back when our children were tiny- (the prime of "impervious to pain")- my friends and I sat at the pool yammering away while our kids were swimming. We were so busy yakking that we didn't see Sean jump in the pool...the two year old who couldn't swim. My husband watched him splash around like an injured sea lion for a second, and then grabbed him by the shoulder with one hand and pulled him out like a speared bass.

"Can this kid swim?"

My friend lept from her seat and ran to collect her gasping drenched child from my husband. ( She brought Sean over that night for babysitting as originally planned. She said to Clint- "My husband says thank you for saving Sean's life, and he's still going to take me to dinner even though I nearly killed our son). The point is, Sean went swimming the next day.

Cold water, extreme heat, death... none of these things seem to deter a child from engaging in the fun when fun is about, and I wonder: at what point do we realize that it really feels horrible to swim in glacial run off, or that a cockle burr wedged in your arch really sucks.


Who knows. I guess it varies, and kids probably enjoy life a lot more than adults because of it. But I think it's safe to say that women come to their senses on these issues earlier than men...

I know several grown males who still "Meh," their way through dangling limbs.

Writing Contest Info!

Calling all writers! Did you write a book? Want to see what industry professionals think of it? Traditional of self published- it doesn't matter! Contests are a great way to gain exposure and get a feel for how your work will be received. Most contests will give helpful feedback on your work, even if you don't win. That is worth an entry on its own. Check it out!
http://www.writersdigest.com/competitions/selfpublished/ 

SHRIIEEEEK!!! Anvil VS. Hulk! ...or is it Ashbel...

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! Anvil is taking on the Hulk!! ...or is it Ashbel...? Either way, poor Stan Lee has placed himself in a position of certain death. Poor Stan Lee... and poor Hulk... Grin.

Floridaaaah! A Fun Place to Live With Many Innovative Ways to Die!

FLOOOOORIDAAAAHH!!


This is the beginning of a drop used almost daily on my favorite radio program "Radio From Hell" in Salt lake City. The DJs have figured out that the lovely state of Florida is blessed with maaaany creative people. The song is played whilst delivering news stories about creative criminal (or non-criminal, yet still "creative") activity down here where I reside.

Now, I truly love where I live. I reside in St. Augustine, a picturesque little pirate town by the sea, hundreds of years old and remarkably well preserved and celebrated. St. Aug is pretty quiet as far as "creative crimes" go. But the fam and I did at one point live further south...and we did notice a bit of a trend. For example:


The hubby enjoys watching "Cops". Sometimes when the show is on I'll sit down for a bit and catch some action. He gets really upset when the perp runs or gives the officers a hard time. I try to remain "just" and stand by "innocent until proven guilty", where the hubby just yells "TAZE 'EM!!!"
He turns to me and says, "Honey, if I were a cop I'd just turn around and say 'turn the camera off'."
"Yes, honey. That's why you're not a cop."
"I'd make a great cop."
"You'd make a terrible cop."

The point is, while watching "Cops" we regularly see our old residential area in the spotlight. The first incident played out like this: "Hey honey! Look! It's our city on Cops!"
Now it's just "Brevard County is on Cops again."
"Yeah? Anyone familiar?"
"Uuuuhh...hey!...wait, no...no, my mistake...no wait a minute...is that the guy we caught escaping through the girls' bedroom window that one time?...no?..."


We aren't criminals, nor do we knowingly associate with criminals. I'm just validating the Radio From Hell perspective. Plenty of great "stupid news" stories come from Florida. But listen to me ramble. I wanted to discuss the sink holes. I'm going against my better judgment by discussing this topic openly because I'm superstitious and I don't want to hex my family. But along side the explosive "creative criminal" population in Florida, there are also lots and lots of weird ways to die here.

Weird way one: Eaten by an alligator. This is my youngest daughter's favorite. (You all know Meghan.) Few things spiral her into the fetal position like an alligator...except for large insects. But we have plenty of those too.


Weird way two: Eaten by a shark. Now I guess this wouldn't fall under weird as sharks are plentiful in other areas. However, Florida is a "high risk" shark place AND this is one of the twin sis's favorites. But she doesn't live here and will go to great extremes to make certain she never does, so she'll be okay.

Weird way three: Being tossed about by a hurricane. This is a great possibility for up to six months out of the year so basically that's half the time. Tornadoes are rather frequent as well and lets not leave the water spouts out to dry...out to dry...water spouts...GRIN. I could put Tsunamis on the list but I just can't stand it so I won't. (Panic attack!!)

Large snakes, Bears (we have bears). I suppose a wild boar could kill you if it really wanted to. But the one that causes me the most anxiety is the whole sinkhole phenomenon. I guess these can occur in many places, but apparently Florida is just one gigantic sinkhole waiting to happen.


I wasn't even aware of this until my lovely pal Sara (Hi honey! 'waves') informed me that moving back to Florida meant I was moving back to sinkhole heaven. And as if that weren't stressful enough, she topped it off with (and I quote) "...and you know what's waiting for you at the bottom?...Anacondas.)
Thank you my dearest best pal from all of my life.
Since then, I have had other people verify it...unprovoked!
"So you're moving back to Florida...you know that whole state is a sinkhole..."
Discovery channel did an entire showcase about it. I love Discovery channel. I'm going to see this!

"WHY?" you ask, given these many really great reasons not to move to Florida, would you move back??
The answer is simple. Family. When most of your children and your grandson live in Florida, that's where you want to be. And besides. It's warm here while the rest of the country is frozen.


In spite of the creative criminals and numerous unique ways to meet one's end, Florida isn't bad. It's warm. It's pretty, and I have met a number of really cool, non creative criminals who I wouldn't know had I not ventured this way.

...and if this is my last post it means I'm at the bottom of a sinkhole with the anacondas.

Floridaaaah! A Fun Place With Many Innovative Ways to Die!

FLOOOOORIDAAAAHH!!


This is the beginning of a drop used almost daily on my favorite radio program "Radio From Hell" in Salt lake City. The DJs have figured out that the lovely state of Florida is blessed with maaaany creative people. The song is played whilst delivering news stories about creative criminal (or non-criminal, yet still "creative") activity down here where I reside.

Now, I truly love where I live. I reside in St. Augustine, a picturesque little pirate town by the sea, hundreds of years old and remarkably well preserved and celebrated. St. Aug is pretty quiet as far as "creative crimes" go. But the fam and I did at one point live further south...and we did notice a bit of a trend. For example:


The hubby enjoys watching "Cops". Sometimes when the show is on I'll sit down for a bit and catch some action. He gets really upset when the perp runs or gives the officers a hard time. I try to remain "just" and stand by "innocent until proven guilty", where the hubby just yells "TAZE 'EM!!!"
He turns to me and says, "Honey, if I were a cop I'd just turn around and say 'turn the camera off'."
"Yes, honey. That's why you're not a cop."
"I'd make a great cop."
"You'd make a terrible cop."

The point is, while watching "Cops" we regularly see our old residential area in the spotlight. The first incident played out like this: "Hey honey! Look! It's our city on Cops!"
Now it's just "Brevard County is on Cops again."
"Yeah? Anyone familiar?"
"Uuuuhh...hey!...wait, no...no, my mistake...no wait a minute...is that the guy we caught escaping through the girl's bedroom window that one time?...no?..."


We aren't criminals, nor do we knowingly associate with criminals. I'm just validating the Radio From Hell perspective. Plenty of great "stupid news" stories come from Florida. But listen to me ramble. I wanted to discuss the sink holes. I'm going against my better judgment by discussing this topic openly because I'm superstitious and I don't want to hex my family. But along side the explosive "creative criminal" population in Florida, there are also lots and lots of weird ways to die here.

Weird way one: Eaten by an alligator. This is my youngest daughter's favorite. (You all know Meghan.) Few things spiral her into the fetal position like an alligator...except for large insects. But we have plenty of those too.


Weird way two: Eaten by a shark. Now I guess this wouldn't fall under weird as sharks are plentiful in other areas. However, Florida is a "high risk" shark place AND this is one of the twin sis's favorites. But she doesn't live here and will go to great extremes to make certain she never does, so she'll be okay.

Weird way three: Being tossed about by a hurricane. This is a great possibility for up to six months out of the year so basically that's half the time. Tornadoes are rather frequent as well and lets not leave the water spouts out to dry...out to dry...water spouts...I could put Tsunamis on the list but I just can't stand it so I won't. Panic attack!!

Large snakes, Bears (we have bears). I suppose a wild boar could kill you if it really wanted to But the one that causes me the most anxiety is the whole sinkhole phenomenon. I guess these can occur in many places, but apparently Florida is just one gigantic sinkhole waiting to happen.


I wasn't even aware of this until my lovely pal Sara (Hi honey! 'waves') informed me that moving back to Florida meant I was moving back to sinkhole heaven. And as if that weren't stressful enough, she topped it off with (and I quote) "...and you know what's waiting for you at the bottom?...Anacondas.)
Thank you my dearest best pal from all of my life.
Since then, I have had other people verify it...unprovoked!
"So you're moving back to Florida...you know that whole state is a sinkhole..."
Discovery channel did an entire showcase about it. I love Discovery channel. I'm going to see this!

"WHY?" you ask, given these many really great reasons not to move to Florida, would you move back??
The answer is simple. Family. When most of your children and your grandson live in Florida, that's where you want to be. And besides. It's warm here while the rest of the country is frozen.


In spite of the creative criminals and numerous unique ways to meet one's end, Florida isn't bad. It's warm. It's pretty, and I have met a number of really cool, non creative criminals who I wouldn't know had I not ventured this way.

...and if this is my last post it means I'm at the bottom of a sinkhole with the anacondas.

Learn to Blog! (So You Can Compare What I Do With What You Should Be Doing!)

That's right! Writer's Digest has set up a workshop to teach you how to blog properly! Clearly, I have not attended this workshop! But it exists and you should attend! Why am I yelling?! Because this is a commercial and lots of commercials have a loud guy that yells!

http://register.writersonlineworkshops.com/Course?CourseId=1087-45&utm_source=WDUPromo&utm_medium=nl&utm_campaign=wdukrnl021714-BloggingAdheader&et_mid=660402&rid=239109449

I'm Supposed to Have a Schedule?

Do you know why I don't post on a regular schedule? Maybe you've never noticed. Maybe you don't care. Maybe you aren't reading my blog and this will never find you. Regardless, there is a reason. there are several actually, but today we will focus on my favorite...my grandson.


There he is. Little angel. I have the pleasure of this precious baby's company a few time a week while mommy goes to work or school. Doesn't he look peaceful and harmless? They always do when they sleep, like a polar bear.Or a volcano. 

God was brilliant when he made toddlers adorable. It's why they stay alive. Nothing can do quite as much damage, and the creativity behind their work is mind boggling. When a toddler ruins something, it isn't normally something as lack-luster as a broken window or dish. It's raw eggs crushed into the floor. An entire tube of toothpaste emptied into a designer shoe, or some alien red solution one cannot even identify flung artfully across your curtains.
This creativity can often be observed in the form of self expression.

Who needs pants?

(He knows he's busted. That's why he's hiding in the closet.)

Child creativity can also be shown in helping others express themselves. (Could this animal look more stressed out?)
My grandson ranks right up there with the greatest defacers of our time. These clips are paltry examples. Not nearly what he is capable of and surely not evidence of his best work. Unfortunately his greatest creations have never been documented. Such colossal achievement will usually leave his mother so awe-struck, notions of capturing them on film are regularly trampled beneath irrepressible exclamations of astonishment. Examples of such greatness include the time he upgraded the glass surface of the big screen T.V. with shatter pattern striations, or used brightly colored permanent markers to turn pale sheets into a vibrant symphony of Spring.
I decided that unless I wanted my home and belongings remodeled weekly, I would have to keep him in my sights at all times while baby sitting. Therefore, on the days he visits, my writing sits patiently on my table, untouched. 
Now, please don't misunderstand. I adore this child and love caring for him. When we moved away I missed out on so much and it devastated me. I am grateful to have him close again. I simply help him keep his creative genius in check...you know, so he doesn't waste it on me, depriving his mother the joy of watching him flourish at home.

GOOD morning!!

GOOD morning everyone!! Now, don't you feel better? Having been greeted by a lovely morning greeting...even if it's eleven thirty nine p.m. where you are? Someone has taken the time to be kind and acknowledge you and insist that you have a good morning...whenever that may come for you. (Yes. I'm rambling. It has already been that kind of morning for me. So I'm making sure yours doesn't follow suit.)

The ever present Traditional verses Self publishing debate prompted this little post. If you are of a "self publishing" mind, this will be a grand gander opportunity for you.

http://view.writers-community.com/?j=...

Querying "Never Do's"...

As we ramble along through the New Year, let's occasionally visit important writing tips in between my own ramblings, ventings, and self appointed therapy sessions. Although those are critical to my well being, learning the ins and outs of the literary jungle is critical to yours. Check this querying aid below...
In no way does the picture of the grandson tie into this post...it's just really cute. And go ahead and try and find a "tie" if you want. It could be a game.

http://writersinthestorm.wordpress.com/2014/01/03/query-letter-pet-peeves-agents-speak/?et_mid=656291&rid=239109449

A Little Ingenuity Goes a Long Way.

While I suppose your lives do carry on without me rambling on about this or that, it has been a Christmas/New Years while since I posted. But just because I've been busy, doesn't mean I haven't accomplished anything. It's a brand new year! I currently have three writing projects underway (one of which is book two of the SHINE series). 
But with a new year comes resolutions. A time when one resolves to make changes. A time to step something up a notch or fix a few things that need fixin'.  And since my specialty is writing, we will discuss Home Improvement projects. Your home is your haven. It's important to feel joy and happiness when you walk through the door at the end of a long day. Therefore, I do all I can to make our home fun. What better way to do this than with home improvement projects. If you are my husband, you will refer to these projects as "What the f@!#&# did you do??" casualties. 

Despite the colorful title my husband might deem more appropriate, he is an integral part of family project time. He and I both have important roles. My husband is in charge of quality control. He is a tried and true, reliable unwilling participant. He's an invaluable part of our "domestic upgrades" team because though he never starts these projects, he often adds those special finishing touches such as tying up loose ends or redoing the whole project completely. He is very passionate and vocal about his work and does his duty with a heart full of profane song.  
I'm the creative consultant. I survey the site deemed "un-fun" by me, and do my part to "fun" it up. I visualize the fun, gather necessary supplies and man power (usually a reluctant offspring or the twin) and I begin working. 
These spectacular creations can take several hours to complete and are therefore best started in the morning with several hours of daylight to work with. Waiting for my husband to leave for work is also recommended as he does tend to get excited at the prospect of upgrading. Working in his absence also assures the element of surprise once the project is complete. This is always fun. Never eliminate the element of surprise unless it is completely unavoidable.

Now I realize that some projects take longer than initially assessed. There have been days when my husband has come home before project completion. I do my best to conceal the end result so as to maintain that ever important "surprise" element. But darned if he isn't king of quality control. He can sniff out a project that needs his special touch like a woman in a shoe store. Mr. busy (and his song-filled heart) get right to work polishin' and a shinin'...cute little man.
Some undertakings are tougher than others. Being in charge of quality control causes my husband to over analyze certain projects and he will occasionally say "it can't be done." Lucky for him, he married me. The scientific infrastructure of our world doesn't apply to me, so once the hubby has crawled out the door- his hopes dashed, believing there is no way to construct a homemade roller coaster over the top of his house, I call up the twin, and together we rebuild his hopes and dreams.
The twin is always there to help perform the undoable. Her gusto for flying in the face of "can't be done" is as vibrant as mine, and if ignoring physical reality requires two hands, I know I can count on hers. We're magicians. I once helped her force a "mathematically-won't-fit" couch down her stairs. We "believed" that couch right through that left stairwell wall. That side of the kitchen wasn't a structural necessity, and screw physics. 

            
She helped me finagle our old refrigerator out the front door, along the side of the house, into the back yard and down to the sliding glass door in the basement so we could have cold drinks and snacks in the downstairs recreation room.

Now, the hubby did come home before we were able to get it through the basement door, but the timing was perfect. We needed a strong angry man to lift that fridge over the slider track and put it in place, and he showed up just in time to be that strong angry man. I will mention his accelerated Bruce Banner rage (that stems from not being able to do more to help) usually gives him that extra kick of adrenaline he needs to get the job done right.

So as we've shown above, a home improvement project is a great way to start a new year. The possibilities are endless and lives are always enriched with the finished product. I know when my husband is frazzled from a long day's work he enjoys nothing more than a dip in a hand constructed pool or a personalized roller coaster shuttle from his car to the kitchen door. Home improvement has given him a whole new lease on life! Before meeting me, my husband was a regular guy. I would say his life could best be described by Barry Manilow- No jolts, no surprises. No crisis arises his life went along as it should. It was all very nice. But not very good. He's a different person today because of me. With my fun-filled adventures and home improvement projects he now experiences plenty of jolts. There are always surprises, and his "along as it should" life is now a completely unpredictable side show of whimsy and wonder. All from a few minor home improvements. So grab a hammer and some duct tape and get to work. Ignore the nay-sayers and make that second story a reality. And if you're married, and get stuck midway through, don't worry! A strong angry man will invariably show up and pick up where you left off, and if he's anything like my husband he'll also serenade you until the project is complete...maybe longer!-