Benjamin P. Hardy's Blog, page 20

If You Don’t Use It, You’ll Lose It

Tire Flip

Russell Ballard tells the story of a seven year old girl who started a tomato plant for a second grade project.

She was taught that one tiny seed had the potential to become a tomato, which contained many seeds that could make many tomatoes.

In the seven year old’s words, “And if all of those seeds were planted and grew more tomatoes, and you planted all of those seeds, in a few seasons you would have millions of tomatoes.”

Unfortunately, she almost killed her starter tomato plant. In her youthful immaturity, she left the plant in a dark room for a few days and totally forgot about it.

“When I remembered the plant, it was all wilted and dead looking. I cried because I thought of all of those millions of tomatoes that would never grow.”

She was devastated, and likely nervous to tell her teacher that she had killed her plant. Her mom told her that the plant might not be dead yet, and that with some proper nourishment — sunlight and water — the plant might revive.

The girl put the plant right by the window where it could get tons of sunlight. She regularly gave the plant water. And a “miracle” occurred, the plant almost immediately began thriving and growing tomatoes.

Nothing Is Permanent

Everything is in a state of movement. Nothing remains in a state of isolation without being changed.

Either you’re growing or you’re going backwards.

If you don’t continually hone your mind and body, you will become foggy and flabby.

Human beings, like tomato plants, are organic structures that need constant nourishment. Without a nourishing environment, it doesn’t matter how much potential you have. If you are in a dark room for long, you will wilt, and potentially die.

No amount of willpower in a dark room will save your life. You need healthy nourishment from the outside world. Gritting your teeth and trying to do it on your own won’t work. You need the right environment and you need the right behavior.

In order to even develop powerful characteristics and internal strength in the first place, you need amazing inputs from your environment. As Zig Ziglar said, “Your input determines your outlook. Your outlook determines your output, and your output determines your future.”

However, there is never a point at which you’ve arrived, and no longer need constant nourishment. Even after you’ve developed incredible internal clarity, motivation, education, and strength, if you don’t create an environment that supports the growth you’ve made, you will lose the growth you’ve made.

If you’re not continually being challenged to rise to new heights, you will become stagnant and stale as a person. If you’re not growing, you’re going backwards.

Alain de Botton once said, “Anyone who isn’t embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn’t learning enough.”

If you’re still the same person you were 12 months ago, what the heck have you been doing?

When was the last time you pushed yourself to exhaustion in a workout?

When was the last time you really learned something? And true learning is far different from acquiring information — learning involves a permanent change in how you see and act in the world. If you didn’t change, you didn’t learn. As Albert Einstein said, “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.”

Rest and recovery are absolutely essential. But you won’t get the benefits from rest and recovery if you’re not truly pushing and expanding yourself regularly. Your rest will truly be sweet if you’re earning it through a life worth living.

Emotions Are The Key To Growth

If you’re not having regular transformational experiences, then you’re not stepping out of your comfort zone enough. Human beings are transformed through emotions, not logic and reason.

Emotions are heavily tied to memory, and memory is your record of the past. However, your memory is not fixed and unchanging. Actually, your memory is constantly being changed and reshaped as you 1) face the emotions that will keep you stuck, and 2) as you experience new emotions that create new memories. The more intense the emotional experience, the deeper the memory and learning.

If you want to experience an insane amount of growth, do something that is emotionally challenging. Do something that is awkward. And most importantly, do something in which you cannot predict the outcome.

Tim Ferriss has said, “A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.”

Confidence is being fine taking on challenges and situations in which you cannot predict the outcome. The reason people stay stuck is because they really like to predict how things will go.

Not being sure of outcomes freaks people out. Therefore, people live very predictable lives. They don’t go too far outside of their comfort zone. They veer far from awkwardness and potential embarrassment. They are caged by their emotions.

Want to make powerful change?

Do something that requires courage and commitment, today. Do something that might fail. This is how you develop and demonstrate confidence.

Confidence is organic, like a tomato plant. If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. Confidence is like a muscle you must exercise and use, daily, to make stronger. Yet, the nourishment for confidence is both trying and succeeding. Just by trying, even if you fail, you’ll have gained confidence because you’ll have attempted something in which the outcome was not predictable.

Just as confidence is organic and ever-changing, so is your identity.

Identity Follows Choice

Your identity is not fixed. You don’t have some personality you were born with that remains the same. Like a garden, your identity is either becoming more polished and refined, or more entangled, confused, and distracted.

Your identity does not produce your behavior. Your behavior shapes your identity. You are responsible for who you become. You are the designer of your personality.

In the brilliant book, The Cult of Personality Testing: How Personality Tests Are Leading Us to Miseducate Our Children, Mismanage Our Companies, and Misunderstand Ourselves, author Annie Murphy Paul explains, using plenty of hard evidence, how personality tests — our Western obsession — are dooming us to failure.

Western thinkers are obsessed with isolated variables and fixed traits. We fail to realize the continually altering context that shapes and re-shapes those traits and variables. There are no permanent traits, but continually changing STATES.

Then why do we see such regularity in our behaviors and attitudes? According to Stanford psychologist, Lee Ross, “We see consistency in everyday life because of the power of the situation.”

Ross further posits that ultimately, it’s the situation and not the person, that determines things. “People are predictable, that’s true… But they’re predictable because we see them in situations where their behavior is constrained by that situation and the roles they’re occupying and the relationships they have with us.”

Supply Follows Demand

“I think the ability of the average man could be doubled if it were demanded, if the situation demanded.” — William Durant

Most people believe they have a fixed and permanent identity and personality. They overvalue and rely on such things as personality tests.

They don’t put themselves into situations of high demand that force them to become something fundamentally more and different than they currently are.

You can put yourself into a situation — mentally and physically — where the demands are high. This is a very potent cocktail for forward movement.

You need both: the internal and external to pull you forward. The internal and external are two indistinguishable parts of the same whole — not separate.

Internally, you need a white-hot WHY. As Friedrich Nietzsche wisely said, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” Thus, the advice to “live within your means” is actually quite terrible advice when taken to its logical conclusion. Rather than living within your means, you need to DECIDE what you need, then let the means come to you. They will come once you’ve fully decided what you seek. To quote Rumi, “What you seek is seeking you.” Once resolved and committed, “the universe conspires to make it happen” as Emerson put it.

Externally, you need a situation that has enormous demand. So much demand that the supply comes, both from you and from external factors.When you’re clear on what you want and why, magic happens. Dreams become realities. Faith becomes sure knowledge.

Inspiration Follows Action

But where does this clarity and purpose come from?

Again, here Western culture generally has it backwards. The common belief is that inspiration creates action, when the opposite is more true.

Action creates inspiration.

Forward progress creates motivation.

Bold action reshapes your conscious and subconsious patterns.

Action generates the best thinking, because positive action creates inner confidence — which is the soil for positive thought.

Paralysis comes from analysis. As author and performance coach, Tim Grover, said, “Don’t think. You already know what you have to do, and you know how to do it. What’s stopping you?”

You know enough. The reason you’re mentally blocked, demotivated, and confused is because you’re not acting.

Behavior shapes identity.

Behavior shapes ideas and motivation.

Begin acting well.

Create situations that FORCE you to act well. Situations of such extreme DEMAND that trigger both an internal and external SUPPLY to match the demand. When the why is strong, the how develops organically. The most clever and bold strategies come when the demand is high. Necessity is the mother of invention.

The WHY becomes strong as you act. You must act. That is where your freedom lies. When you act, the ideas will come. As you continue to act, more ideas will come. The bolder the action, the greater the shattering of subconscious patterns — opening the window for better and clearer thinking.

Creativity Follows Creation

As you act, you’ll get an inflow of thoughts and ideas. You’ll then need to turn those ideas into tangible creations for the use and benefit of other people.

Inspiration doesn’t lead to creativity. Creating things leads to inspiration,which then generates a greater desire to create. The quality of your ideas come from the quality of your choices. Every choice generates like offspring of thinking and ideas. Hence, success begets success. Creativity begets even greater creativity.

Behavior shapes identity.

Behavior shapes ideas.

Put yourself in a situation that demands your greatest behavior. Then watch as a seemingly endless supply of intrinsic motivation and extrinsic help aids you.

Ready to Upgrade?

I’ve created a cheat sheet for putting yourself into a PEAK-STATE, immediately. You follow this daily, your life will change very quickly.

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Life Doesn’t Reward You For What You Know, But For What You Do

https://unsplash.com/photos/9idqIGrLuTEThe quality of input determines the quality of output.

Most people have adapted to consuming low-level information on the internet. This is the equivalent of filling your car with water or eating McDonalds every meal.

In the documentary film, Super Size Me, 32-year-old Morgan Spurlock goes 30 consecutive days (from February 1 to March 2, 2003) only eating McDonald’s food. The film documents this lifestyle’s drastic effect on Spurlock’s physical and psychological well-being.

During this 30-day period, Spurlock ate at McDonald’s three times per day, eating every item on the menu at least once. Spurlock consumed an average of 5,000 calories per day during the experiment, more than double the recommended amount for a healthy man his age. As a result, Spurlock gained 24 pounds, a 13% body mass increase, increased his cholesterol to 230 mg/dL (6.0 mmol/L), and experienced mood swings, sexual dysfunction, and fat accumulation in his liver.

One of the components of Spurlock’s experiment was that every time he was asked the question, “Do you want to ‘Super Size’ that?” he was required to say yes. Super-sizing means that the soda and french fries went from large to extra-extra large.

When it comes to the internet, Super-sizing is the equivalent of going from one distractive link to the next to the next to the next to the next. What originally was intended to be a quick check of the email or Facebook has now turned into a subconscious self-sabotage. The body has taken over the mind and is seeking its dopamine refuel, of which it has developed an incredibly high tolerance.

It took Spurlock fourteen months to lose all the weight gained during this 30-day experiment. And he had to eat extremely clean to reclaim his health.

For most people who are caught in the addiction-loop of consuming low-quality information, it will take years to transform their brains into a state where they can truly think clearly and powerfully. It will takes years of consistent positive decisions and calculated inputs to develop the thinking and decision-making capacity they are capable of.

Most people will remain stuck on the fast-food diet of internet information consumption — getting fatter and more unhealthy mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The environment is becoming so dopamine-rich that it is nearly impossible for people to pull themselves from the addiction.

Here’s the truly sad part: most people intuitively know that sitting on the internet all day is bad for their brain, mind, spirit, and body. But knowledge is weak. Knowledge is good for nothing unless it is put into practice. Hence, Napoleon Hill said in Think and Grow Rich, “Knowledge is only potential power. It becomes power only when, and if, it is organized into definite plans of action, and directed to a definite end.”

To Learn Is To Change What You Do

“To learn and not to do is really not to learn. To know and not to do is really not to know.” — Dr. Stephen Covey

If you are still producing the same results, you haven’t actually learned something. It doesn’t matter how much information you consume. It doesn’t matter how many books you read.

True learning requires the ability to consistently produce new and better results. If your mindset, perspective, and behavior haven’t changed, then you haven’t truly learned. As Albert Einstein has said, “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.”

You can have all the knowledge in the world and yet remain unintelligent. Intelligence involves continually learning new things, which requires that you change how you operate in the world. According to Dr. Joe Dispenza, “The hardest part about change is not making the same choices you made the day before.”

Be A “Doer”

It really doesn’t matter what you know; it matters what you do. Surprise yourself and the people around you.

Instead of mindlessly distracting yourself with low-level information, make a better decision.

Instead of operating at a low emotional level in your relationships, be more giving, caring, and loving. Go out of your way to make your loved ones feel special. Watch what happens to the emotional energy of your environment.

Imagination Is More Powerful Than Knowledge

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” — Albert Einstein

Knowledge can keep you stuck in the past. Knowledge can keep you limited to what you think is possible. Imagination allows you to think outside the box of your current and highly limited worldview.

The most influential and intelligent people in the world were also the most imaginative. They have a vision way beyond their current level of knowledge and ability. Their vision provided the direction for what types of knowledge they should develop. Their vision provided the conviction to truly learn — which meant they were willing to transform themselves into the type of person who could bring their vision to life.

Do you emphasize knowledge?

Do you believe you must have all the answers?

How imaginative are you?

How grand and compelling is your vision for yourself and the future?

How excited are you to get up and embrace learning and change every day?

Your level of conviction for daily learning is reflective of the power of your imagination. If your imagination is weak, then you probably aren’t learning very much.

Creativity Is More Important Than Experience

“Knowledge comes from the past, so it’s safe. It is also out of date. It’s the opposite of originality. Experience is built from solutions to old situations and problems. This is lazy. Experience is the opposite of being creative. If you can prove you’re right you’re set in concrete. You cannot move with the times or with other people. Your mind is closed. You are not open to new ideas.” — Paul Arden

Experience is based on what you did or learned in the past. What we need from you right now are creative solutions for the present and the future. Don’t tell me what you did yesterday. Tell me what you’re working on today.

What are you creating right now?

How are your pushing your own limits?

Are you relying too heavily on past experience?

Are you stuck in old ways of thinking?

Are you trying new things?

Are you evolving?

Are you stuck?

Never Have “Too Much To Lose” That You Stop Being Reckless

“Here’s to the crazy ones.” — Rob Siltanen

In the science fiction novel, Ender’s Game, Ender is an 11-year-old genius who is trained to save the world from an alien species. He is led to believe that his “training” is in the form of simulation games. However, after the “final test,” Ender learns that the simulations were actually real battles that he was commanding. Ender became a war hero without even realizing what he was truly doing.

He had many questions. One of them was why the military needed a child to command the armies. Mazer Rackham, his mentor and teacher explained:

“And it had to be a child, Ender. You were faster than me. Better than me. I was too old and cautious. Any decent person who knows what warfare is can never go into battle with a whole heart. But you didn’t know. We made sure you didn’t know. You were reckless and brilliant and young. It’s what you were born for.”

There’s a problematic shift that happens to many successful and creative people. Eventually, their creative well dries up. They get out of the habit of doing and creating and shift to passively accumulating information or accolades.

They become far more calculated in every decision they make. They stop being iterative, failing, changing, learning, and being imaginative. They begin relying far too heavily on their prior knowledge and experience. At some point, they reach a cap on what they are interested in learning, because true learning involves risk.

The risk of learning is that you might have to completely change who you are and what you’re doing as a result of what you’ve learned. Yet, when you’ve reached some level of success or experience, you don’t want to change. You don’t want to lose everything you’ve gained.

And this ends up being the beginning of your inevitable downfall. This is the reason author Greg McKeown said, “Success is a catalyst for failure.”

The measure of intelligence is the ability to change. If you’re not changing and evolving, you’re relying too heavily on knowledge rather than imagination. You’re relying too heavily on experience rather than creativity.

You’re stuck in the past. You’re living out a predictable life. And predictability is nowhere to be found in courage and creativity. As Sir Ken Robinson said, “If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.” Seth Godin similarly said, “If you’re willing to do something that might not work, you’re closer to becoming an artist.”

Allow your success and experience to propel greater imagination and creativity. Allow your knowledge to spark new and better behaviors and solutions which lead that knowledge to be replaced with better knowledge.

It Doesn’t Matter How Long It Takes If You Create Something Truly Remarkable

“If a thing is done well, no one will ask how long it took to do it, but only, who did it.” — John Taylor

What are you currently creating?

Is what you’re creating the best you could possibly do?

Ryan Holiday is the bestselling author of several books. I’ve had the privilege of being taught and mentored by him. He helped me with the development and writing of my recent book, Willpower Doesn’t Work. What I appreciate about Ryan, more than anything else, is his insistence that I continually produce higher and higher quality work.

“You can do much better than this,” is the compliment Ryan would often give me when reviewing my work.

When it comes to creative work, quantity is often the path to quality. Even still, with everything you create, you should be putting your absolute best in. Don’t create something just to get it done. Actually push yourself beyond your own boundaries.

Richard Paul Evans has written 37 New York Times bestselling novels. When Evans was a young writer, he met the award-winning novelist, Mary Higgins Clark. She gave Evans this advice: “Every book I write is my best book I’ve ever written.”

Evans never forgot that advice. In his own words, “So from that day forward, when I sit down to write a book I go in with that mentality that this book is going to be better than the last and it’s going to be the best book I can write.” This mentality is how you go on to write 37 NYT bestsellers.

Several months ago, I had dinner with Alice Cooper, thanks to super-connector Joe Polish. While at dinner, I asked Alice what kept him writing music after all of these years. Here’s what he said: “If I didn’t believe my best song was still in me, I wouldn’t be writing.”

If you make something truly brilliant and amazing, people won’t care how long it took you to do. They’ll only ask: Who did this?

Conclusion: You’re Not Rewarded For What You Know, But For What You Create

“Don’t think. You already know what you have to do, and you know how to do it. What’s stopping you?” — Tim Grover

You’re not rewarded in life for what you know. You’re rewarded for what you do. Even more, you’re rewarded for what you create.

You could have a head full of really good ideas. But if you execute on none of them, you’ll have a life full of regrets.

You could have all the intentions in the world to be a good friend, spouse, or parent. But if you fail to change your behavior, you’ll never be the person you could have been. You’ll have let down those who needed you most.

It doesn’t matter what you know you should do, or believe you should do. It doesn’t even matter what your greatest dreams, visions, and imaginations hold if you do nothing about them.

You need to act.

You need to create. Create and create some more. Because when you create, you are forced to really learn. I’ve never learned more about a subject than when I was writing a book on the topic. I’ve learned more about parenting by taking on three foster children than I could by mindlessly browsing the internet or even reading books. When you learn through experience and toward goals, you learn with the purpose of immediate application.

You learn through doing.

Develop a powerful vision and use that vision to guide true learning — which is far different than acquiring knowledge. True learning requires transformation. The measure of intelligence is the ability to change. Living with intention and creation is how you truly live.

Ready to Upgrade?

I’ve created a cheat sheet for putting yourself into a PEAK-STATE, immediately. You follow this daily, your life will change very quickly.

Get the cheat sheet here!

Life Doesn’t Reward You For What You Know, But For What You Do was originally published in Thrive Global on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

How To Become More Intelligent (According to Einstein)

Einstein “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” — Albert Einstein

If you’re not changing, you’re not growing. If you’re not growing, you’re not being intelligent. Humans thrive in change and expansion — yet there can be so many internal or external blocks to change.

Trying to keep things as they are is a very unhealthy approach to life. Avoiding change reflects a misunderstanding of the human condition and human flourishing. Change is not to be avoided, but embraced. Said Winston Churchill:

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.”

How much have you changed in the past 12 months?

How much have you changed in the past 5 years (60 months)?

What new challenges are you taking on?

What new books have you read that have completely changed your paradigm?

What new relationships and experiences have opened you to new worlds of possibilities?

What suppressed pain and trauma have you freed yourself from?

What bad habits have you finally given up?

What relationships have you healed or let go of?

What addictions are still stopping you from living your dreams?

What roles or “personality” are you still clinging to?

The Extreme Importance Of The Parent-Child Connection

“The parent-child connection is the most powerful mental health intervention known to mankind.” — Bessel van der Kolk

In the profound and life-changing book, The Body Keeps The Score, Bessel van der Kolk M.D. explains that suppressed emotions and trauma lead people to unhealthy and addictive cycles.

One of the most fundamental components of making positive change in your life is developing a healthy relationship with your parents — whether they are alive or not.

All parent-child relationships have some form of baggage because no parent is perfect. Every parent has their own problems and through those problems they raise their kids.

It is then the kid’s responsibility to eventually evolve beyond the deficiencies of their parents. Any good parent would want this for their children: to go beyond where they themselves were.

Parents must be fully forgiven and viewed in a loving, appreciative, and honorable light. No matter how flawed. This doesn’t mean you must maintain a “relationship” if your parents are heavily abusive or toxic, as is the case of my three recently adopted children. However, if you neglect that relationship and can’t openly discuss it, it will come back to you later in life. Even if just at the emotional-level, this relationship is very important to your ability to make desired transformations.

Your Relationship With Your Own Body (And Food)

“When a man makes his thoughts pure, he no longer desires impure food.” — James Allen

Does your body control you, or do you control your body? For most people, the body is completely in control. Want a gut-check about whether you’re in control or if your body is?

How often do you impulsively check your smart-phone?How often do you impulsively eat or put other substances in your body?How is your ability to focus for long periods of time?How in-tune are you with your own intuition?How much time do you spend thinking about your physical appearance?How much time do you spend worrying about the opinions of others?

If you don’t control your body, then you can’t control your mind.

If you don’t control your body, then you can’t control your time.

If you don’t control your body, then you’re life is far more impulsive and out-of-control than you realize.

“If the spirit yields to the body, it becomes corrupt; but if the body yields to the spirit it becomes pure and holy.” — Brigham Young

One of the most basic and well-tested methods for regaining control of your mind and body is through fasting. There are many different forms, such as water fasting where you only drink water and don’t consume food of any kind for a period of time (often 1–3 days). There’s juice fasting and bone broth fasting (often 1–10 days) where you only consume liquids for a period of time to allow your digestive system to rest, recover, and reset.

You can also fast from technology — something most people haven’t done since the internet.

You’ll also want to fast from routine environments. Most of your triggers and memories — and thus identity — are tied to places and environments. When you get out and see new things, you open yourself to new insights and experiences which open you up.

While fasting, you’ll begin to get a ton of insight. You’ll start to realize how reactive you’ve been to the environment. You’ll start to notice how off you’ve been. You’ll then have more clarity and capability to shift your life in a positive direction.

Education Through Reading and Experience

“You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.”— Charlie Tremendous Jones

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” — Nelson Mandela

“Where is the life we have lost in living? Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?” — T.S. Elliot

In a powerful lecture on how our brains change through experience, Neuroscientist Dr. Dafna Shohamy explains that our brains assimilate information for the purpose of prediction.

Being able to predict how our behavior will lead to outcomes is one of the most important goals of our brains. For example, when you touch the stove as a child, you experience what is known as a “prediction error” — which according to Dr. Shohamy is a learning signal to update your expectations for the next time.

Prediction errors are exactly what you want to experience more of… if you want a lifetime of growth.

This is why failure is such a key part of success. Failure is what occurs when you incorrectly predict how things will go based on your limited knowledge. Because you experience failure or prediction error, you can then update your expectations and strategies for the next attempt.

This is what growth and innovation are all about. Thomas Edison embraced prediction error. He embraced his own mental and experiential boundaries. He was willing to fail over and over and over because for him — failure was about learning. It was about changing and expanding himself. To quote Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., “A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”

Thomas Edison had to update and refine himself constantly to become the man he became. His failures and experiences transformed to wisdom and understanding. Intelligence is applied understanding. It’s far more powerful than base knowledge. There are lots of people who have information in their heads. But wisdom and intelligence is the proper application of knowledge.

Interestingly, there is lots of research showing that as people age, they generally become LESS open to education. They become LESS open to new experiences.

As people get older, they really want their lives to be predictable. In order to keep their lives predictable, they don’t embrace new information, new experiences, new challenges, new relationships. Their life increasingly becomes an echo-chamber.

If you’re not proactively seeking new experiences and learning new information, you’re stuck. If you’re stuck, you’re not growing and changing. And if you’re not changing, then you’re not intelligent. As C. JoyBell C. put it:

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”

Change Yourself And You’ll Change The World

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” — Mahatma Gandhi

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” — Rumi

“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become.” — Jim Rohn

If you’re not changing yourself, then you’re not intelligent.

If you’re seeking external success without changing who you are, then you’re delusional.

If you’re trying to make a powerful change in the world without changing yourself, then you’re simply trying to force the world into your box.

When you begin changing yourself, you’ll be equipped to change the world.

If you seek to change the world, you’ll be required to change yourself.

If you’re truly committed to something or someone, you’ll be required to become whatever that commitment entails.

If you sufficiently transform yourself, you won’t be able to stop yourself from helping others positively transform as well.

Changed people change the world. They light a fire in others because they are on fire themselves.

Measure The Gain Instead Of The Gap!

“The way to measure your progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal.”— Dan Sullivan, THE GAIN AND THE GAP

How much have you changed in the past 12 months?

How much have you changed in the past 5 years?

According to Strategic Coach founder, Dan Sullivan, it’s far more powerful to measure the gains you’ve made than the gap in front of you.

If you look back on the past 1–5 years and truly consider how much you’ve grown and changed, you’ll be stunned.

If you’re proactively seeking change and transformation, you’ve probably made HUGE changes. You can actually make enormous change in yourself in a relatively small period of time.

1–5 years is a short period of time. In that amount of time, you can go from making almost nothing to making millions of dollars. You can go from being single and having no kids to being married and having three kids with two on the way (that’s what happened to me!).

If you’re not growing, you’re not changing. If you’re not changing, then you’re not intelligent.

It’s very important that you take time to examine and measure where you are from where you’ve been. When you do this, there are a host of psychological benefits.

For example, measuring your progress injects enormous amounts of gratitude and appreciation into your life. Gratitude is one of the most powerful psychological experiences and relates to improvements in all areas of life.

When you measure your progress, you grow in confidence because confidence is a byproduct of past experience.

According to Sullivan:

Your future growth and progress are now based in your understanding about the difference between the two ways in which you can measure yourself: against the ideal, which puts you in what I call “The Gap,” and against your starting point, which puts you in “The Gain,” appreciating all that you’ve accomplished.

When you’re in The Gap, you feel as though you haven’t accomplished anything at all. This is because even though you’ve moved forward, the ideal remains distant from you. The ideal is a moving target. It might even get bigger, leaving you worse off than where you started if you measure against it. You’ve also used up time and energy getting to where you are, so if you don’t measure the progress, you’ll feel like you’ve wasted that time and energy and have fallen even further behind.

But if you turn around and measure your progress against where you started, then you’re in The Gain, and you’ll experience a sense of having moved forward, of having achieved something, and you’ll be motivated to continue on to your next stage of growth.

Conclusion

Are you intelligent and changing?

Or are you unintelligent and staying the same?

Are you being transformed through new experiences?

Are you being transformed by taking on new roles?

Are you being changed as you grow into powerful goals?

Do you have a vision and a mission that compels you to become far more than you currently are?

Make a change today. The moment you even make a small change in the right direction, you’ll begin to experience a flood of motivation, energy, and momentum.

As you continue to change, your mind will expand allowing greater insights and epiphanies to flow.

This life is a classroom. If you’re not learning, growing, and changing, then you’re missing the point.

Ready to Upgrade?

I’ve created a cheat sheet for putting yourself into a PEAK-STATE, immediately. You follow this daily, your life will change very quickly.

Get the cheat sheet here!

How To Become More Intelligent (According to Einstein) was originally published in The Mission on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

If You’re Not Changing As A Person Then You’re Not Intelligent (According to Einstein)

Einstein “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” — Albert Einstein

If you’re not changing, you’re not growing. If you’re not growing, you’re not intelligent.

Trying to keep things as they are is a very unhealthy approach to life. If you’re trying to keep things as they are, then you’re un-evolved and uneducated as a person.

Change is not to be avoided, but embraced. Said Winston Churchill:

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.”

How much have you changed in the past 12 months?

How much have you changed in the past 5 years (60 months)?

What new challenges are you taking on?

What new books have you read that have completely changed your paradigm?

What new relationships and experiences have opened you to new worlds of possibilities?

What suppressed pain and trauma have you freed yourself from?

What bad habits have you finally given up?

What relationships have you healed or let go of?

What addictions are still stopping you from living your dreams?

What roles or “personality” are you still clinging to?

The Extreme Importance Of The Parent-Child Connection

“The parent-child connection is the most powerful mental health intervention known to mankind.” — Bessel van der Kolk

In the profound and life-changing book, The Body Keeps The Score, Bessel van der Kolk M.D. explains that suppressed emotions and trauma lead people to unhealthy and addictive cycles.

One of the most fundamental components of making positive change in your life is developing a healthy relationship with your parents — whether they are alive or not.

All parent-child relationships have some form of baggage because no parent is perfect. Every parent has their own problems and through those problems they raise their kids.

It is then the kid’s responsibility to eventually evolve beyond the deficiencies of their parents. Any good parent would want this for their children: to go beyond where they themselves were.

Parents must be fully forgiven and viewed in a loving, appreciative, and honorable light. No matter how flawed. Until you come to grips with your relationship with your parents, you’ll be stuck in some form of fashion.

Your body is keeping score is your inner emotional state. If you maintain internal conflict or pain, you will age quickly. If your behavior is impulsive and inconsistent with the knowledge you have — you will age and decay rapidly. Not only that, but you will epigentically pass that trauma on to the next generation.

Your Relationship With Your Own Body (And Food)

“When a man makes his thoughts pure, he no longer desires impure food.” — James Allen

Does your body control you, or do you control your body? For most people, the body is completely in control. Want a gut-check about whether you’re in control or if your body is?

How often do you impulsively check your smart-phone?How often do you impulsively eat or put other substances in your body?How is your ability to focus for long periods of time?How in-tune are you with your own intuition?How much time do you spend thinking about your physical appearance?How much time do you spend worrying about the opinions of others?

If you don’t control your body, then you can’t control your mind.

If you don’t control your body, then you can’t control your time.

If you don’t control your body, then you’re life is far more impulsive and out-of-control than you realize.

“If the spirit yields to the body, it becomes corrupt; but if the body yields to the spirit it becomes pure and holy.” — Brigham Young

One of the most basic and well-tested methods for regaining control of your mind and body is through fasting. There are many different forms, such as water fasting where you only drink water and don’t consume food of any kind for a period of time (often 1–3 days). There’s juice fasting and bone broth fasting (often 1–10 days) where you only consume liquids for a period of time to allow your digestive system to rest, recover, and reset.

You can also fast from technology — something most people haven’t done since the internet.

You’ll also want to fast from routine environments. Most of your triggers and memories — and thus identity — are tied to places and environments. When you get out and see new things, you open yourself to new insights and experiences which open you up.

While fasting, you’ll begin to get a ton of insight. You’ll start to realize how reactive you’ve been to the environment. You’ll start to notice how off you’ve been. You’ll then have more clarity and capability to shift your life in a positive direction.

Education Through Reading and Experience

“You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.”— Charlie Tremendous Jones

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” — Nelson Mandela

“Where is the life we have lost in living? Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?” — T.S. Elliot

In a powerful lecture on how our brains change through experience, Neuroscientist Dr. Dafna Shohamy explains that our brains assimilate information for the purpose of prediction.

Being able to predict how our behavior will lead to outcomes is one of the most important goals of our brains. For example, when you touch the stove as a child, you experience what is known as a “prediction error” — which according to Dr. Shohamy is a learning signal to update your expectations for the next time.

Prediction errors are exactly what you want to experience more of… if you want a lifetime of growth.

This is why failure is such a key part of success. Failure is what occurs when you incorrectly predict how things will go based on your limited knowledge. Because you experience failure or prediction error, you can then update your expectations and strategies for the next attempt.

This is what growth and innovation are all about. Thomas Edison embraced prediction error. He embraced his own mental and experiential boundaries. He was willing to fail over and over and over because for him — failure was about learning. It was about changing and expanding himself. To quote Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., “A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”

Thomas Edison had to update and refine himself constantly to become the man he became. His failures and experiences transformed to wisdom and understanding. Intelligence is applied understanding. It’s far more powerful than base knowledge. There are lots of people who have information in their heads. But wisdom and intelligence is the proper application of knowledge.

Interestingly, there is lots of research showing that as people age, they generally become LESS open to education. They become LESS open to new experiences.

As people get older, they really want their lives to be predictable. In order to keep their lives predictable, they don’t embrace new information, new experiences, new challenges, new relationships. Their life increasingly becomes an echo-chamber.

If you’re not proactively seeking new experiences and learning new information, you’re stuck. If you’re stuck, you’re not growing and changing. And if you’re not changing, then you’re not intelligent. As C. JoyBell C. put it:

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”

Change Yourself And You’ll Change The World

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” — Mahatma Gandhi

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” — Rumi

“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become.” — Jim Rohn

If you’re not changing yourself, then you’re not intelligent.

If you’re seeking external success without changing who you are, then you’re delusional.

If you’re trying to make a powerful change in the world without changing yourself, then you’re simply trying to force the world into your box.

When you begin changing yourself, you’ll be equipped to change the world.

If you seek to change the world, you’ll be required to change yourself.

If you’re truly committed to something or someone, you’ll be required to become whatever that commitment entails.

If you sufficiently transform yourself, you won’t be able to stop yourself from helping others positively transform as well.

Changed people change the world. They light a fire in others because they are on fire themselves.

Measure The Gain Instead Of The Gap!

“The way to measure your progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal.”— Dan Sullivan, THE GAIN AND THE GAP

How much have you changed in the past 12 months?

How much have you changed in the past 5 years?

According to Strategic Coach founder, Dan Sullivan, it’s far more powerful to measure the gains you’ve made than the gap in front of you.

If you look back on the past 1–5 years and truly consider how much you’ve grown and changed, you’ll be stunned.

If you’re proactively seeking change and transformation, you’ve probably made HUGE changes. You can actually make enormous change in yourself in a relatively small period of time.

1–5 years is a short period of time. In that amount of time, you can go from making almost nothing to making millions of dollars. You can go from being single and having no kids to being married and having three kids with two on the way (that’s what happened to me!).

If you’re not growing, you’re not changing. If you’re not changing, then you’re not intelligent.

It’s very important that you take time to examine and measure where you are from where you’ve been. When you do this, there are a host of psychological benefits.

For example, measuring your progress injects enormous amounts of gratitude and appreciation into your life. Gratitude is one of the most powerful psychological experiences and relates to improvements in all areas of life.

When you measure your progress, you grow in confidence because confidence is a byproduct of past experience.

According to Sullivan:

Your future growth and progress are now based in your understanding about the difference between the two ways in which you can measure yourself: against the ideal, which puts you in what I call “The Gap,” and against your starting point, which puts you in “The Gain,” appreciating all that you’ve accomplished.

When you’re in The Gap, you feel as though you haven’t accomplished anything at all. This is because even though you’ve moved forward, the ideal remains distant from you. The ideal is a moving target. It might even get bigger, leaving you worse off than where you started if you measure against it. You’ve also used up time and energy getting to where you are, so if you don’t measure the progress, you’ll feel like you’ve wasted that time and energy and have fallen even further behind.

But if you turn around and measure your progress against where you started, then you’re in The Gain, and you’ll experience a sense of having moved forward, of having achieved something, and you’ll be motivated to continue on to your next stage of growth.

Conclusion

Are you intelligent and changing?

Or are you unintelligent and staying the same?

Are you being transformed through new experiences?

Are you being transformed by taking on new roles?

Are you being changed as you grow into powerful goals?

Do you have a vision and a mission that compels you to become far more than you currently are?

Make a change today. The moment you even make a small change in the right direction, you’ll begin to experience a flood of motivation, energy, and momentum.

As you continue to change, your mind will expand allowing greater insights and epiphanies to flow.

This life is a classroom. If you’re not learning, growing, and changing, then you’re missing the point.

Ready to Upgrade?

I’ve created a cheat sheet for putting yourself into a PEAK-STATE, immediately. You follow this daily, your life will change very quickly.

Get the cheat sheet here!

If You’re Not Changing As A Person Then You’re Not Intelligent (According to Einstein) was originally published in The Mission on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Go To The Next Level Of Your Life Before You Feel Ready

Unsplash“Jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down.” — Ray BradburyUnicorn

John Burke is a 30 year old pianist from Atlanta, Georgia. He has composed several albums and more recently has begun writing musicals. In 2016, he released the album, Orogen, which was nominated for a Grammy Award for Best New Age Album.

One of the songs on Orogen is called, “Earth Breaker,” which Burke calls, “Finger Breaker” because it is extremely fast and intense. The purpose of Earth Breaker is to create the emotional experience of living through an earth quake.

When Burke wrote the song, he couldn’t physically play it. It was too fast and frankly, above his skill level. He wrote a song he could not play. After enough practice, he was able to master the sequence of notes at increasing speeds.

https://medium.com/media/beeb8a2f605a32782790e0dc1e9234e7/href

Earth Breaker is just one example of how John Burke continually pushing his creative boundaries. While writing, Willpower Doesn’t Work, I interviewed Burke and asked him about his process for creating such a large and powerful body of work at such a young age.

Here’s what he said:

He rarely does the same thing twice.He’s always attempting something different and more challenging than he’s ever done before (creativity, after all, is about pushing boundaries and making new connections).Once he gets an idea for a project, he immediately puts all of the pieces in place to ensure the project gets done in a timely manner.He embraces both internal and external pressure to propel himself forward.

John Burke is continually disrupting himself and everyone else in his field. He is very creative but also very strategic. In fact, his strategy is what allows him to tap deep into his creative potential.

Here’s specifically what Burke does the moment he decides he’s going to pursue a creative project.

He calls his sound engineer and gets scheduled several months in advance for when his album will be recorded.Being on the schedule and being financially invested now gives him a pressing end-date (“To achieve great things you need 1) a plan, and 2) not enough time” — Meg Jay TED talk).He then blocks out his calendar for the next several months for “Creation Time.” This is where he’s actually going to sit down and do the work. If it’s not on the calendar, it probably won’t get done. If a paid-gig or another “great opportunity” pops up during creation time, he says he already has a meeting. That meeting is with himself.He then tells all of his fans via social media and his email newsletter about his upcoming album. This creates positive expectation and anticipation in his fans. Burke really cares about ensuring his fans trust him. So when he makes a public declaration to his fans, he feels compelled to make good on that promise.

When Burke decides he wants to do a project, he doesn’t overly-wait until he feels ready. Instead, he immediately creates conditions to make that project a reality. He forces his own hand. All of his strategies fit under the category of “Forcing Functions” — which are strategic situational factors put into place to ensure you produce a desired result.

Forcing functions are flow triggers, because they force you to act and produce. They absorb you deep into what you’re doing. This is how you remove procrastination and confusion.

“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Now is as good a time as any.” — Hugh Laurie

The remainder of this article is going to give you the psychological and strategic tools for continually pushing your own boundaries. Most of the people and organizations in any industry are avoiding change. This is especially true of those already successful.

It is human-nature to seek homeostasis as fast as possible. In order to combat that, you need to continually disrupt yourself. Like Burke, you need to push your own boundaries and attempt stuff you haven’t done before. As Tim Ferriss explains, you’ll need to pursue excitement in the form of bold experiments instead of happiness.

Specifically, this article will cover:

Anticipation (how to use it rather than be destroyed by it)Adaptation (and the fact that you should take on big stuff because as a human being, you’ll normalize very quickly)Excitement (why it should be the basis of what goals you pursue)Experiments (why you should try stuff you’ve never done before)Disruption (how you’ll plateau personally and be irrelevant in any market if you’re not continually innovating what you do and how you do it)

Here we go:

The Anticipation Of The Future Is More Intense Than The Future Itself

“The anticipation of loss is much more frightening than the actual loss as anticipation leaves room for the imagination to create that which, in all likelihood, will never transpire.” — Craig D. Lounsbrough

The anticipation of an event is usually far more emotionally powerful than the event itself. This is true both for positive outcomes and negative.

Anticipation is a double-edged sword. On one hand, anticipation is what holds people back from acting and on the other, anticipation is what can move you forward.

When you project negative outcomes — like failure — you needlessly torture yourself. Psychological research has found that high achievers reframe anxiety and fear into excitement. If you’re getting ready to do something that freaks you out, reframe it. Excitement is empowering while fear is disabling.

Anticipation, then, can stop you from acting but it can be the very thing that gets you to act. As author, Peter Sloterdijk said, “Faith is purely anticipatory, in the sense that it already has an effect when it mobilizes the existence of the anticipatory towards the goal through anticipation.”

Faith is a principle of visualization and action. It’s when the anticipation and expectancy of a future outcome becomes so compelling and so real that you can’t not act. This is what psychologists call, “Pull motivation” which is far different from “Push motivation.”

Push motivation is a behavior that an individual forces themselves to complete in order to satisfy a need or achieve a goal.Pull motivation is a behavior that an individual feels drawn towards.

Push motivation is rough. It’s exhausting, depleting, and requires constant willpower, which quickly burns-out.

Pull motivation is much more powerful. It draws you forward, and actually gives you more energy while you’re doing it.

Thus, anticipation can and should mobilize you, rather than paralyze you. Said Napoleon Hill, “All thoughts which have been emotionalized (given feeling) and mixed with faith (expectancy), begin immediately to translate themselves into their physical equivalent.”

The final and potentially most important component of anticipation is the fact that people adapt very quickly. No matter how bad or good the future will be, it will quickly become normalized. You’re “new norm” may be unfathomable to most people, and even to a previous version of yourself. But to you, in this moment, it feels like any other day. Here’s how bestselling author Russell Brand explains it:

“People do this a lot. They don’t seem to realize that the future is just like now, but in a little while, so they say they’re going to do things in anticipation of some kind of seismic shift in their worldview that never actually materializes. Tomorrow is not some mythical kingdom where you’ll grow butterfly wings and be able to talk to animals — you’ll basically feel pretty much the same way you do at the moment.”

This is helpful because you no longer need to fear change. All change quickly becomes your norm. Hence, you need to continually disrupt yourself because homeostasis creates apathy and lack of stimulation.

Human’s “Normalize” Very Quickly

“Yes, a man can get used to anything, but do not ask us how.” — Viktor Frankl

Viktor Frankl wrote one of the most important books in the past century, potentially in the past millennial — Man’s Search For Meaning.

In the book, Frankl describes his experience as a victim of the Nazi Concentration camps. What surprised Frankl most was how quickly the shock and horror of watching people murdered and tortured became apathy.

Everyone in the concentration camps — the victims and the perpetrators — became apathetic to the ridiculous and horrible situation. Psychological research shows how quickly we adapt to the roles we assume in a given situation. We then act out those roles without even questioning.

The fact that a concentration camp can become normalized is both frightening and also empowering. What it shows is that people can endure far more than we think we can.

No matter how difficult an experience, you’ll quickly adapt to that experience. Therefore, you shouldn’t wait to do something until you feel pre-qualified. Instead, you get to work and the very situation will qualify you. It will quickly become your norm. For instance, earning millions or even billions of dollars is NORMAL for some people.

What do you want to normalize in your life?

Happiness has a ceiling-effect because we quickly adapt to new situations. “One of the enemies of happiness is adaptation” says Dr. Thomas Gilovich, a Cornell psychologist who has studied the relationship between money and happiness for over two decades. According to Gilovich’s research, it’s far more powerful to seek and invest in experiences than it is to seek material possessions. Said Gilovich:

“[People] think the experience will come and go in a flash, and they’ll be left with little compared to owning an item. But in reality we remember experiences long afterward, while we soon become used to our possessions. At the same time, we also enjoy the anticipation of having an experience more than the anticipation of owning a possession.”

It’s powerful to stop pursuing final destinations and instead pursue experiences and growth. The problem with end-points or finish-lines is that you’ll quickly adapt. This is one of the reasons people who attain a desired goal quickly plateau and lose their purpose. Greg Mckeown in the book, Essentialism, has said, “Success is a catalyst for failure.”

Success, therefore, should not be a destination, but instead, an approach to life. You’re successful so long as you’re following YOUR OWN curiosity and pushing YOUR OWN boundaries.

The opposite of success is trying to beat someone else. This is also the opposite of innovation. Disruption is about walking away from competition rather than engaging in it. Said Billionaire Peter Thiel in his book, Zero To One, “All failed companies are the same: they failed to escape competition.”

Excitement Is Your Super-Power

“Excitement is the more practical synonym for happiness, and it is precisely what you should strive to chase. It is the cure-all.” — Tim Ferriss

Key things to avoid if you want an amazing life:

Competing with other peopleSeeking end-points or outcomes as the ultimate source of successSeeking possessions to make you happyContinuing to do the same things for long periods of timeNot pushing your creative boundariesNot stepping into fear and disrupting your own status-quo and the status-quo of those around you

Excitement comes from trying stuff you haven’t done before. John Burke, for example, is always pushing his boundaries. Over-specialization can be a path to stagnation. If you do the same thing every single day, your work and life will probably not have enough stimulation to drive deep emotion.

Deep emotion and intense feelings are what inspire powerfully creative and innovative work. In order to experience deep emotions and intense feelings, you need to continually try new things. You need to reach the threshold of your current identity and go beyond it. You need to open yourself to new experiences that reshape how you view the world.

According to Dr. Stephen Covey, a paradigm shift usually requires a new situation or a new role we take on:

“Where we stand depends on where we sit, which is a way of saying how our roles in life affect our paradigm, which then affects our behavior… Many people experience a fundamental shift in thinking… when they suddenly step into a new role, such as that of husband or wife, parent or grandparent, manager or leader.”

What would absolutely excite you?

What ROLE have you been playing in your life that perhaps hasn’t been so exciting?

What would an exciting life look like to you?

What would exciting work look like?

What would exciting experiences look like?

According to Dan Sullivan, there are two major types of people in this world: “needers” and “wanters.”

Needers are externally motivated, seek security, have a scarcity mindset, and are reactive to what other people are doing.Wanters are internally motivated, pursue freedom, have an abundance attitude, and are highly creative.

Sullivan further states, “Wanting is unpredictable because it creates things nobody knows about, ways nobody thought of before, and results nobody considered possible.”

Needing is based on push motivation. You have to force yourself to act because you feel you have to.

Wanting is based on pull motivation. You let your deepest desires and curiosity direct where you go. You don’t limit what you can do based on what other people do or have done.

Therefore, you stop watching what others are doing and you chart your own course.

You stop following convention.

You break rules and create your own.

To other people in your field, you come-off as radically creative because you’re doing things way way outside their frame-of-reference. You’re not even playing in the same game as the people in your field anymore because you’ve now created your own category and field.

Said R. Buckminster Fuller, “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”

Gapingvoid Culture Wall

Collaborating with people way outside your niche is powerful, because it stops you from living in an echo-chamber. When you’re too far inside a particular field, you cannot see outside of it. This is really bad for creativity. It’s bad for business and innovation. And it’s also bad for happiness and excitement.

Experimenting Is The Best Form Of Goal-Setting

“Broadly speaking, as good as it feels to have a plan, it’s even more freeing to realize that nearly no misstep can destroy you. This gives you the courage to improvise and experiment.

On how to get over analysis paralysis: set deadlines for decisions (put them in your calendar or they aren’t real) and break large intimidating actions/projects into tiny mini-experiments that allow you to overcome fear of failure.

— Tim Ferriss

Instead of pursuing traditional goals, a more exciting approach is to pursue 3–6 month experiments. Experiments are a fun way to pursue goals because they allow you to get innovative and bold. Experiments are short-term — and thus relatively low risk. They are your “moon shots.”

Why play small?

What’s the worst that could happen, you waste a few weeks or months and learn a lot while doing it?

One of the reasons experiments are powerful is because they aren’t based on what has been done before. By nature, an experiment is trying something NEW, where the boundaries of “possible” aren’t clear-cut.

Here’s a powerful process for developing a 3–6 month experiment:

Think about a PROCESS and an OUTCOME that would EXCITE you. In other words, what is something that would be motivating, fascinating, and stimulating to attempt just for the sake of it? But also, what is a bold and powerful outcome that could potentially come from it? What’s the most bold and powerful thing you could do in the next 3–6 months?Set a hard timeline. Don’t make it too far away. The pressure of a timeline is an amazing forcing function — which will create flow and deep creativity. Focus on WHO  — specifically WHO could you collaborate with to take this 10X or 100X bigger? WHO could you help that would fast-track your results so you are not re-inventing the wheel? WHO could you involve that would take this experiment beyond where you’ve currently imagined it? True experimenting is far more collaborative than competitive. The best experimenters and scientists always work with people who push them past their own limited ways of thinking. Moreover, trying to do everything by yourself often leads to procrastination and failure. You can easily get other people on board by turning your “experiment” into a mission. Explain the WHAT and WHY of the mission to get people committed and excited to help.Invest upfront. A strong forcing functions is financial investment. John Burke did this by getting on the schedule and paying his sound recording engineer months in advance. In psychology, escalation of commitment occurs when you become so invested that turning back no longer becomes an option. This level of commitment will deepen your WHY-power, making motivation and inspiration organic and subconconscious.Block out your schedule to actually do the work. If you don’t have it on your calendar, the time will go very fast. If it’s on your calendar and you put first-things-first, time will slow down. You’ll be stunned by how much you get done in a single day.If You’re Not Disrupting Yourself, Someone Else Is

“Disruptive change is the only way to avoid a career-killing plateau.” — Whitney Johnson, Harvard Business Review

According to bestselling author, Whitney Johnson, you can avoid stagnation and instead have continual growth in your life and career by doing the following:

Target a need that can be met more effectively.Match these needs with your “disruptive strengths.”Think about what you can do that most people cannot.Understand that market risk is better than competitive risk. In other words, don’t compete against established players (as Walmart learned the hard way, don’t try to beat Amazon at being Amazon). Create Blue Oceans by being radically honest with yourself and by following your own curiosity, rather than what other people are doing.Large companies have a hard time focusing on smaller, riskier, and more lucrative markets, people established in their careers do the same thing. Use this to your advantage. Stay small and lean and flexible.Let the strategy emerge (“When the WHY is strong enough you’ll figure out HOW” — Bill Walsh). Don’t make overly detailed plans. Instead, focus on experiments and feedback and then adapt accordingly.

According to Peter Diamandis “If you don’t disrupt yourself, then someone else will.” Diamandis also said, “In 10 years, it’s predicted that 40% of the Future 500 Companies will no longer exist.” Things are changing so quickly that if you’re not adapting and changing as well, you’ve already lost.

Disrupt yourself every single day. Wake up and try something new. Try something that forces you out of your shell. Think bigger. Think more creatively. In the words of Ryan Holiday, conspire. Come up with a crazy plot that no one could possibly expect. Don’t worry about all the people who will try to copy you. They will always be at least five steps behind.

Ready to Upgrade?

I’ve created a cheat sheet for putting yourself into a PEAK-STATE, immediately. You follow this daily, your life will change very quickly.

Get the cheat sheet here!

Want More Energy And Bigger Results? Stop Asking “HOW” And Start Asking “WHO”

Blue Ocean…“Focus on WHO instead of HOW” — Dean Jackson

There’s a famous story of Edwin C. Barnes, who in 1905 had no money or expertise. However, he was an ardent fan of the inventor, Thomas Edison.

Barnes wanted to become business partners with Edison. He knew that if he became partners with Edison, there would be no limits on what he could accomplish. He took a freight train to New Jersey and walked straight to the Edison Laboratory.

He was wearing musty and scrappy clothes and told Edison he wanted to go into business with him. Edison was impressed by the boldness and made Barnes a floor sweeper.

During the next few years, Barnes did far more than expected of him for little pay. He also paid close attention to Edison, getting a sense of how he thought and what his goals were.

After years of working on his dictating machine — what later became known as the Ediphone that recorded “voice letters” on a wax cylinder — Edison wanted to commercialize it. He loved the invention but none of his staff saw much marketability in it.

Barnes, however, thought the machine was brilliant and saw a huge potential market. He made a marketing plan for how he intended to sell the machines throughout America and shared the plan to Edison. He sought payment only on the success he created himself.

Edison liked what he saw and accepted Barnes’ proposal. Within a short period of time, Barnes had sold thousands of machines and even had to create his own company to handle the demand. While things were growing dramatically, Barnes became known for hiring great people to help him market and distribute Edison’s machine. He didn’t see himself as a boss, but more of a coach and a partner to all of his employees.

Barnes quickly became a millionaire, which back then meant a lot more than it means now. He developed a unique collaboration and partnership with Thomas Edison that became a long-term and highly lucrative relationship.

Barnes didn’t have a plan.

Instead, he had a person.

He had someone he wanted to work with and help.

He didn’t have a HOW. Barnes had a WHO.

Don’t Ask HOW

When most people have goals, they immediately begin thinking about HOW. Billionaires immediately begin thinking about WHO.

The public school-system does not teach people to become WHO-thinkers and collaborators. Instead, the school system teaches people how to become HOW-thinkers, equipped with a seemingly endless amount of generalized skillsets.

Rather than looking for OTHERS to work with, kids are taught to compete against others and look for right answers. There is basically zero training on developing mentorships, collaborations, partnerships, teamwork, and leadership. Even as a PhD student, I’ve been surprised how generalized my education has been. Rather than working with specific WHO’s, my whole education has been a non-stop flow of HOW’s.

Dan Sullivan is the founder of Strategic Coach and has coached more successful entrepreneurs than anyone alive. According to Sullivan, when a person shifts from HOW to WHO, their goals immediately become national or global. Their thinking expands at least 10 to 100 times bigger, because they aren’t the one figuring out the HOW. Someone else already has that taken care of.

According to Sullivan, the entrepreneurs who want to reach 100X or bigger influence and income realize they must collaborate with their competition. The best collaborations are when a idea-generator teams up with a distributor of ideas. This is what happened with Edison and Barnes. Edison had the idea and Barnes took the idea to the masses.

Becoming A WHO-Thinker

“Your network is your net worth.” — Tim Sanders

Most people’s goals are based on HOW. According to Dan Sullivan, thinking about the HOW is daunting and leads to procrastination. Instead of asking HOW, a much better question is WHO.

WHO do you want to learn from?

WHO is already doing what you want to be doing?

WHO is where you want to be?

WHO fascinates and/or inspires you?

WHO do you want to collaborate with?

WHO do you want to help? According to bestselling author Jeff Goins, “Success isn’t about who you know. Success is about who you help.”

There is a clear transition that people make as their vision for themselves advances. They stop thinking in terms of “I do this.” Instead, they shift to either “They do this” or “We do this.”

“They do this” is where you begin thinking bigger about yourself and your time. You realize that when you’re operating in your super-power, your time can actually be worth a lot of money. Therefore, you begin outsourcing and delegating the stuff you dislike about your work to other people and focus only on that which you love. Said YouTuber Casey Neistat, “What is the ultimate quantification of success? For me, it’s not how much time you spend doing what you love. It’s how little time you spend doing what you hate.”

It may seem scary to begin hiring or outsourcing before you feel ready. But the moment you begin doing it, you’ll never look back. The extra time and also the increased rate of happiness and productivity will more than 10X for you, justifying the cost.

“We do this” is a special place held for only those collaborations that make absolute sense to you. This is where you want to start thinking really big about the WHO’s you want into you life. This is what Dan Sullivan was talking about when he said you want to collaborate with your “competition.”

And by the way, competition doesn’t exist for people who know who they are. Competition doesn’t exist for people who trust themselves enough to know they can create continual Blue Ocean’s for themselves, regardless of the situation.

Competition doesn’t exist for people who are abundant WHO-thinkers, because rather than trying to steal the whole pie, abundant WHO-thinkers recognize that:

The pie doesn’t belong to them, but to the UniverseThe pie is not finite, but infiniteNor is the “game” finite, but infiniteThe more of the pie you can give away, the bigger it gets for youRelationships are the most important currency in the worldIt’s better to give the piece of pie on your plate to the right person and you’ll quickly get plates back with even bigger piecesGive Your Piece Away To The Right Person (Even If It’s Your Favorite Flavor)

“Life gives to the giver and takes from the taker.” — Joe Polish

Regarding the last point in the bullet above, I recently had the opportunity to co-author a book with one of the SHARKS from the TV show Shark Tank, Kevin Harrington. Several months ago, Kevin’s CEO, Mark Timm, heard me give a talk at a mastermind and felt good about me. He didn’t know what we would do together, but felt like something important was going to happen.

During my first meeting with Mark, I told him the only thing that made sense for me was co-authoring a book with Kevin. I’d been looking for opportunities to co-author books with people at far different stages in their life and career than I’m at.

Within a few days, I got a text message from Mark, “Kevin’s onboard. He loves the idea!”

For the next two months, I worked back-and-forth with my agent on a book proposal. Then, something deep inside me began to feel wrong, like I wasn’t the guy for this job. But at the same time, I knew this was potentially a career-altering opportunity.

In the midst of all of this, I heard back from Dan Sullivan, my dream mentor and the founder of Strategic Coach that he’d also like to co-author a major book with me.

According to Tim Ferriss in The 4-Hour Workweek:

“The opposite of love is indifference, and the opposite of happiness is boredom.”

“Excitement is the more practical synonym for happiness, and it is precisely what you should strive to chase. It is the cure-all.”

“Remember — boredom is the enemy, not some abstract ‘failure.’”

I realized that, although a golden opportunity, I wasn’t as excited about the Kevin Harrington book. It had becoming a complex and messy situation. But even more, I just felt like something was amiss. I ended-up getting on the phone with Mark to discuss why the project was beginning to stall when it had so much momentum. I began to explain why the situation was getting complex to me and then the idea hit me, “Mark, you should be the co-author of this book!”

I heard nothing for 10 seconds.

“You know what,” he said, “This feels really right. But who would write it? Would you still write the book? I want you to continue being involved on this project.”

“No,” I told him, “I have someone way better at writing than me who can take care of this for you.”

I ended-up linking them with a friend who has a company that specializes in writing books exactly like this. The connection worked-out perfectly. I was able to make the pie a lot bigger for Mark and Kevin. I didn’t need to eat that particular pie with them. I didn’t need to hold that opportunity tightly from a scarcity perspective. I gave that piece away. And now my relationship with them will last long-beyond this one project anyways. This was the right way to go for this project. Mark was the right name on that book. I wasn’t going to get in the way of that.

Billionaire Richard Branson said, “Business opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one coming.” When you have an abundance mentality, and your focus is on giving more than taking, you realize that endless buses are coming filled with endless pieces of pie.

When you operate from abundance, you develop powerful relationships with powerful people and you never run out of opportunities in “The Gig Economy” of which we are now a part. Operating from abundance means you’re humble, people trust and like you, and you’re a master of your craft. When this is the case, you will never run out of gigs in the gig economy.

Never forget the important words of Jim Collins from Good To Great when he said, “It takes discipline to say ‘No, thank you” to big opportunities. That fact that something is a ‘once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” is irrelevant if it doesn’t fit.”

“Stay Scrappy” (Words Of Wisdom From A Very Wise And Humble Man)

Bestselling author Jeff Goins has some really important stuff to say about saying “No” to the wrong opportunities.

According to Jeff there’s a huge difference between people who try to look sophisticated and people who remain scrappy. As he said:

“Sophisticated” people are highly concerned about their image. They care about accolades, recognition, and appearance. In reality, these people look better than they actually are. Sophisticated people really care what others think and tend to compare and compete. They don’t have a sense of their own work and are willing to do whatever has worked for others.

Conversely, scrappy people are far more concerned about the work. They let their work speak for itself. These people are better than they look. Scrappy people stay in their lane. They’re confident in who they are and don’t compare themselves to others.

We live in an age where people really really want to look sophisticated. I’ve seen this so many times. A writer gets their first couple thousand email subscribers and all-of-a-sudden they are now the expert selling courses on the subject. And of course, they are taking all of the credit for their own success.

The words of entrepreneur and strategist, Michael Fishman are instructive:

“Self-made is an illusion. There are many people who played divine roles in you having the life that you have today. Be sure to let them know how grateful you are.”

In the book Give and Take, Adam Grant explained that successful people GIVE others credit while unsuccessful people TAKE the credit. Who wants to have a relationship with someone who takes all the credit? Who wants to have a relationship with someone who isn’t appreciate and grateful and giving?

Those seeking sophistication either wanted fame and notoriety in the first place or they have completely forgotten WHY they were doing their work. Either way is a short-term approach to life and a death-sentence for developing long-term and important relationships.

Create A List Of “Dream Mentors”

When the WHY is strong enough, you’ll figure out WHO!

When the WHO is exciting enough, you’ll figure out HOW!

—Benjamin Hardy’s adaptation of the quote by Bill Walsh

In the book, The Third Door, Alex Banayan tells the story of how he met and learned from people like Bill Gates, Lady Gaga, Steven Spielberg, and others.

Alex was clearly a WHO-thinker. Rather than deciding specifically what he wanted to do, instead he thought of WHO he wanted to learn from. Once he decided WHO, then he began getting very creative about HOW he would connect with those people.

Alex was particularly inspired by Elliot Bisnow, the founder of Summit & co-owner of Powder Mountain Resort in Eden, Utah. Alex wrote down on a piece of paper:

DREAM MENTORS:

He listed Elliot Bisnow and spent the next several hours composing an email to Elliot. He said exactly what he needed to say in that email and got a meeting, which turned into a mentorship.

In their first interview, Elliot gave Alex some “ground-rules” for developing powerful relationships with people:

Never use your phone in a meeting. It “makes you look like a chump.” The more digital the world gets, the more impressive it is to use a pen. And it’s also just rude to be on your phone.Act like you belong. Walk into a room like you’ve been there before. Don’t gawk over celebrities. Be cool. Be calm. Never ever ask someone for a picture. If you want to be treated like a peer, you need to act like one. Fans ask for pictures; peers shake hands.Mystery makes history. When you’re doing amazing stuff, don’t post it on Facebook. No one actually changing the world posts everything they do online. Keep people guessing what you’re up to. Plus, the people you’re going to impress by posting stuff online are not the people you should care about impressing.Never, ever, go back on your word. If I tell you something in confidence, you need to be a vault. What goes in does not come out. This goes with your relationships with anyone from this day forward. If you act like a vault, people will treat you like a vault. It will take years to build your reputation but seconds to ruin it.Adventures only happen to the adventurous.Who Are Your Dream Mentors?

Who are your dream mentors?

Who are the people who are WHERE YOU WANT TO BE?

Who are the people who fascinate and inspire you?

Who are the people you want to learn from?

Joe Polish, the founder of Genius Network and arguably the most connected man in business, has a list of “rules” that he expects of those whom he interacts with. He calls it his “Magic Rapport Formula.” The principles of his formula are:

Focus on how you will help them reduce their sufferingInvest time, money, and energy on relationshipsBe the type of person they would always answer the phone forBe useful, grateful, and valuableTreat others how you would love to be treatedAvoid formalities, be fun and memorable, not boringAppreciate peopleGive value on the spotGet as close to in-person as you can

If you combine Elliot Bisnow’s rules with Joe Polish’s formula, you have a potent cocktail for developing relationships and mentorships with just about anyone.

You don’t need to be the best in the world at what you do. You simply need to get the job done. You need to be able to help your DREAM MENTOR in a powerful and compelling way. Remember Edwin Barnes from the beginning of this article? He didn’t have much by way of expertise. He just had a definite desire to work for Edison.

Wait, no. He wanted more than just to work for Edison. He wanted to be Edison’s parter. He wanted to collaborate with Edison. And of course, he did. It took a little time, but he built rapport and then seized a powerful moment by making it all about Edison’s success and goals.

A Fast And Powerful Way To Get Noticed

Being mentored by your heroes is one thing. But collaborating with your heroes is something entirely different. Sure, shooting emails back and forth, or even getting an interview with famous people is cool.

But developing an actual partnership with a DREAM MENTOR will require that you have something very powerful to bring to the table.

Barnes brought intense enthusiasm and then used that to take Edison’s ideas out into the world. Barnes was what Jeff Goins’ would call “scrappy.” He just wanted to do the work. He got better and better and better at what he did.

If you already have a pre-existing capability, all the better. As Dan Sullivan has explained, the best collaborations are when a creator and distributor come together to take both where neither could go on their own.

WHO is someone you want to partner with?

DREAM BIG HERE! Think really really big.

WHO do you want to learn from?

WHY this person?

Once you have the answer to those two questions, all you need to do is get to work. As Bill Walsh wisely said, “When the why is strong enough you’ll figure out how!”

The HOW will only take care of itself when you have the proper WHO and WHY in place.

The WHO is the first question you need to answer. The WHY must be powerful for selecting that particular person.

Write it down on paper.

Write down WHO you want to work with.

Write down WHY you want to learn from and/or work with them.

Then, and only then, begin writing down HOW you plan to develop the connection. That connection should be built on the basis of service to their goals. In most cases, you’re better-off doing more front-end work than Barnes did for Edison. Although sometimes your spirit and enthusiasm may be enough, in today’s hyper-connected world, people in high places are getting more requests than they know what to do with.

You need to make yourself stick out. If you approach them AFTER:

you’ve already been supporting their work in powerful waysit’s clear to them you know what you’re talking aboutyou’re proposing ways you can help them achieve their goals without much work or effort on their part

THEN you’ve got a really really good shot at developing incredible partnerships with your DREAM MENTORS.

Be So Good That You Can’t Be Ignored

“If a thing is done well, no one will ask how long it took to do it, but only who did it.” — John Taylor

All of this is a lot easier if you already have developed expertise at something. Cal Newport explains the importance of being “So Good They Can’t Ignore You.”

If you understand relationships and if you’re an abundant person… PLUS you’re already really really good at what you do, then it becomes easy to get mentored by and work with nearly anyone you want. If you have rare skills and abilities, you can use those skills abundantly to HELP the people you want to work with. Even more, you can also establish immediate credibility.

Jeff Goins is right about the difference between being “sophisticated” and “scrappy.” Yes you can work with just about anyone if you really want to. But WHY? Is it to make yourself look good? Is it to fuel your ego and pride?

Dan Sullivan says it only takes him a few minutes with a person for him to feel their core motivation, whether that be growth or greed.

If your focus is on growth, giving, and continuing to do the work you love, then partnering with DREAM MENTORS will only catapult you further. But beware of what Jeff Goins calls “The Dark Side Of Success.” It’s very easy to lose your way and forget your WHY when even a little bit of success comes your way.

And if you truly dedicate yourself to becoming SO GOOD YOU CAN’T BE IGNORED, you will become successful. Becoming successful isn’t rocket-science. It’s about serving a specific audience in a way that is highly useful. It’s about developing skills and using them to benefit others.

It’s never been easier to learn and develop skills. We have access to a global world with endless information and connection. We also have distribution channels that allow us to get our work and products viewed by millions of target audiences for either free or really cheap.

Developing mastery is easier than staying clear on your values and WHY after mastery has been developed. Follow Jeff Goins’ advice to stay scrappy no matter how “successful” you become. Always be better than you look. Stay humble and grateful in your relationships and people will love you.

Always make the pie bigger for people. And when you shift your focus from HOW to WHO, you’ll immediately begin thinking 10X or 100X bigger.

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Want More Energy And Bigger Results? Stop Asking “HOW” And Start Asking “WHO” was originally published in Thrive Global on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

If You Want Limitless Success, Stop Asking “HOW” And Start Asking “WHO”

Blue Ocean…“Focus on WHO instead of HOW” — Dean Jackson

There’s a famous story of Edwin C. Barnes, who in 1905 had no money or expertise. However, he was an ardent fan of the inventor, Thomas Edison.

Barnes wanted to become business partners with Edison. He knew that if he became partners with Edison, there would be no limits on what he could accomplish. He took a freight train to New Jersey and walked straight to the Edison Laboratory.

He was wearing musty and scrappy clothes and told Edison he wanted to go into business with him. Edison was impressed by the boldness and made Barnes a floor sweeper.

During the next few years, Barnes did far more than expected of him for little pay. He also paid close attention to Edison, getting a sense of how he thought and what his goals were.

After years of working on his dictating machine — what later became known as the Ediphone that recorded “voice letters” on a wax cylinder — Edison wanted to commercialize it. He loved the invention but none of his staff saw much marketability in it.

Barnes, however, thought the machine was brilliant and saw a huge potential market. He made a marketing plan for how he intended to sell the machines throughout America and shared the plan to Edison. He sought payment only on the success he created himself.

Edison liked what he saw and accepted Barnes’ proposal. Within a short period of time, Barnes had sold thousands of machines and even had to create his own company to handle the demand. While things were growing dramatically, Barnes became known for hiring a great people to help him market and distribute Edison’s machine. He didn’t see himself as a boss, but more of a coach and a partner to all of his employees.

Barnes quickly became a millionaire, which back then meant a lot more than it means now. He developed a unique collaboration and partnership with Thomas Edison that became a long-term and highly lucrative relationship.

Barnes didn’t have a plan.

Instead, he had a person.

He had someone he wanted to work with and help.

He didn’t have a HOW. Barnes had a WHO.

Don’t Ask HOW

When most people have goals, they immediately begin thinking about HOW. Billionaires immediately begin thinking about WHO.

The public school-system does not teach people to become WHO-thinkers and collaborators. Instead, the school system teaches people how to become HOW-thinkers, equipped with a seemingly endless amount of generalized skillsets.

Rather than looking for OTHERS to work with, kids are taught to look for answers. There is basically zero training on developing mentorships, collaborations, partnerships, teamwork, and leadership. Even as a PhD student, I’ve been surprised how generalized my education has been. Rather than working with specific WHO’s, my whole education has been a non-stop flow of HOW’s.

Dan Sullivan is the founder of Strategic Coach and has coached more successful entrepreneurs than anyone alive. According to Sullivan, when a person shifts from HOW to WHO, their goals immediately become national or global. Their thinking expands at least 10 to 100 times bigger, because they aren’t the one figuring out the HOW. Someone else already has that taken care of.

According to Sullivan, the entrepreneurs who want to reach 100X or bigger influence and income realize they must collaborate with their competition. The best collaborations are when a idea-generator teams up with a distributor of ideas. This is what happened with Edison and Barnes. Edison had the idea and Barnes took the idea to the masses.

Becoming A WHO-Thinker

“Your network is your net worth.” — Tim Sanders

Most people’s goals are based on HOW. According to Dan Sullivan, thinking about the HOW is daunting and leads to procrastination. Instead of asking HOW, a much better question is WHO.

WHO do you want to learn from?

WHO is already doing what you want to be doing?

WHO is where you want to be?

WHO fascinates and/or inspires you?

WHO do you want to collaborate with?

WHO do you want to help? According to bestselling author Jeff Goins, “Success isn’t about who you know. Success is about who you help.”

There is a clear transition that people make as their vision for themselves advances. They stop thinking in terms of “I do this.” Instead, they shift to either “They do this” or “We do this.”

“They do this” is where you begin thinking bigger about yourself and your time. You realize that when you’re operating in your super-power, your time can actually be worth a lot of money. Therefore, you begin outsourcing and delegating the stuff you dislike about your work to other people and focus only on that which you love. Said YouTuber Casey Neistat, “What is the ultimate quantification of success? For me, it’s not how much time you spend doing what you love. It’s how little time you spend doing what you hate.”

It may seem scary to begin hiring or outsourcing before you feel ready. But the moment you begin doing it, you’ll never look back. The extra time and also the increased rate of happiness and productivity will more than 10X for you, justifying the cost.

“We do this” is a special place held for only those collaborations that make absolute sense to you. This is where you want to start thinking really big about the WHO’s you want into you life. This is what Dan Sullivan was talking about when he said you want to collaborate with your “competition.”

And by the way, competition doesn’t exist for people who know who they are. Competition doesn’t exist for people who trust themselves enough to know they can create continual Blue Ocean’s for themselves, regardless of the situation.

Competition doesn’t exist for people who are abundant WHO-thinkers, because rather than trying to steal the whole pie, abundant WHO-thinkers recognize that:

The pie doesn’t belong to them, but to the UniverseThe pie is not finite, but infiniteNor is the “game” is not finite, but infiniteThe more of the pie you can give away, the bigger it gets for youRelationships are the most important currency in the worldIt’s better to give the piece of pie on your plate to the right person and you’ll quickly get plates back with even bigger piecesGive Your Piece Away To The Right Person (Even If It’s Your Favorite Flavor)

“Life gives to the giver and takes from the taker.” — Joe Polish

Regarding the last point in the bullet above, I recently had the opportunity to co-author a book with one of the SHARKS from the TV show Shark Tank, Kevin Harrington. A few months ago, Kevin’s CEO, Mark Timm, heard me give a talk at a mastermind and felt good about me. He didn’t know what we would do together, but felt like something important was going to happen.

During my first meeting with Mark, I told him that the only thing that made sense for me was co-authoring a book with Kevin. I’d been looking for opportunities to co-author books with people at far different stages in their life and career than I was at.

Within a few days, I got a text message from Mark, “Kevin’s onboard. He loves the idea!”

For the next two months, I worked back-and-forth with my agent on a book proposal. Then, something deep inside me began to feel wrong, like I wasn’t the guy for this job. But at the same time, I knew this was potentially a career-altering opportunity.

In the midst of all of this, I heard back from Dan Sullivan, my dream mentor and the founder of Strategic Coach that he’d also like to co-author a major book with me.

According to Tim Ferriss in The 4-Hour Workweek:

“The opposite of love is indifference, and the opposite of happiness is boredom.”

“Excitement is the more practical synonym for happiness, and it is precisely what you should strive to chase. It is the cure-all.”

“Remember — boredom is the enemy, not some abstract ‘failure.’”

I realized that, although a golden opportunity, I wasn’t as excited about the Kevin Harrington book. But even more, I just felt like something was amiss. I ended-up getting on the phone with Mark to discuss why the project was beginning to stall when it had so much momentum. I began to explain why the situation was getting complex to me and then the idea hit me, “Mark, you should be the co-author of this book!”

I heard nothing for 10 seconds.

“You know what,” he said, “This feels really right. But who would write it? Would you still write the book? I want you to continue being involved on this project.”

“No,” I told him, “I have someone way better at writing than me who can take care of this for you.”

I ended-up linking them with a friend who has a company that specializes in writing books exactly like this. The connection worked-out perfectly. I was able to make the pie a lot bigger for Mark and Kevin. I didn’t need to eat that particular pie with them. I didn’t need to hold that opportunity tightly from a scarcity perspective. I gave that piece away. And now my relationship with them will last long-beyond this one project anyways.

Billionaire Richard Branson said, “Business opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one coming.” When you have an abundance mentality, and your focus is on giving more than taking, you realize that endless buses are coming filled with endless pieces of pie.

When you operate from abundance, you develop powerful relationships with powerful people and you never run out of opportunities in “The Gig Economy” of which we are now a part. Operating from abundance means you’re humble, people trust and like you, and you’re a master of your craft. When this is the case, you will never run out of gigs in the gig economy.

Never forget the important words of Jim Collins from Good To Great when he said, “It takes discipline to say ‘No, thank you” to big opportunities. That fact that something is a ‘once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” is irrelevant if it doesn’t fit.”

“Stay Scrappy” (Words Of Wisdom From A Very Wise And Humble Man)

Bestselling author, Jeff Goins has some really important stuff to say about saying “No” to the wrong opportunities.

According to Jeff, there’s a huge difference between people who try to look sophisticated and people who remain scrappy. According to Jeff:

“Sophisticated” people are highly concerned about their image. They care about accolades, recognition, and appearance. In reality, these people look better than they actually are.

Conversely, scrappy people are far more concerned about the work. They let their work speak for itself. These rare souls are better than they look.

We live in an age where people really really want to look sophisticated. I’ve seen this so many times. A writer gets their first couple thousand email subscribers and all-of-a-sudden they are now they expert selling courses on the subject. And of course, they are taking all of the credit for their own success.

The words of entrepreneur and strategist, Michael Fishman are instructive:

“Self-made is an illusion. There are many people who played divine roles in you having the life that you have today. Be sure to let them know how grateful you are.”

Those seeking sophistication either wanted fame and notoriety in the first place or they have completely forgotten WHY they were doing their work in the first place.

Create A List Of “Dream Mentors”

When the WHY is strong enough, you’ll figure out WHO!

When the WHO is exciting enough, you’ll figure out HOW!

—Benjamin Hardy’s adaptation of the quote by Bill Walsh

In the book, The Third Door, Alex Banayan tells the story of how he met and learned from people like Bill Gates, Lady Gaga, Steven Spielberg, and others.

Alex was clearly a WHO-thinker. Rather than deciding specifically what he wanted to do, instead he thought of WHO he wanted to learn from. Once he decided WHO, then he began getting very creative about HOW he would connect with those people.

Alex was particularly inspired by Elliot Bisnow, the founder of Summit & co-owner of Powder Mountain Resort in Eden, Utah. Alex wrote down on a piece of paper:

Dream Mentors

He listed Elliot Bisnow and spent the next several hours composing an email to Elliot. He said exactly what he needed to say in that email and got a meeting, which turned into a mentorship.

In their first interview, Elliot gave Alex some “ground-rules” for developing powerful relationships with people:

Never use your phone in a meeting, it “makes you look like a chump.” The more digital the world gets, the more impressive it is to use a pen. And it’s also just rude to be on your phone.Act like you belong. Walk into a room like you’ve been there before. Don’t gawk over celebrities. Be cool. Be calm. Never ever ask someone for a picture. If you want to be treated like a peer, you need to act like one. Fans ask for pictures; peers shake hands.Mystery makes history. When you’re doing amazing stuff, don’t post it on Facebook. No one actually changing the world posts everything they do online. Keep people guessing what you’re up to. Plus, the people you’re going to impress by posting stuff online are not the people you should care about impressing.Never, ever, go back on your word. If I tell you something in confidence, you need to be a vault. What goes in does not come out. This goes with your relationships with anyone from this day forward. If you act like a vault, people will treat you like a vault. It will takes years to build your reputation but seconds to ruin it.Adventures only happen to the adventurous.Who Are Your Dream Mentors?

Who are your dream mentors?

Who are the people who are WHERE YOU WANT TO BE?

Who are the people who fascinate and inspire you?

Who are the people you want to learn from?

Joe Polish, the founder of Genius Network and arguably the most connected man in business, has a list of “rules” that he expects of those whom he interacts with. He calls it his “Magic Rapport Formula.” The principles of his formula are:

Focus on how you will help them reduce their sufferingInvest time, money, and energy on relationshipsBe the type of person they would always answer the phone forBe useful, grateful, and valuableTreat others how you would love to be treatedAvoid formalities, be fun and memorable, not boringAppreciate peopleGive value on the spotGet as close to in-person as you can

If you combine Elliot Bisnow’s rules with Joe Polish’s formula, you have a really good shot at developing relationships and mentorships with just about anyone.

You don’t need to be the best in the world at what you do. You simply need to get the job done. You need to be able to help your DREAM MENTOR in a powerful and compelling way. Remember Edwin Barnes from the beginning of this article? He didn’t have much by way of expertise. He just had a definite desire to work for Edison.

Wait, no. He wanted more than just to work for Edison. He wanted to be Edison’s parter. He wanted to collaborate with Edison. And of course, he did. It took a little time, but he built rapport and then seized a powerful moment, making it all about Edison’s success and goals.

A Fast And Powerful Way To Get Noticed

Being mentored by your heroes is one thing. But collaborating with your heroes is something entirely different. Sure, shooting emails back and forth, or even getting an interview with famous people is cool.

But developing an actual partnership with a DREAM MENTOR will require that you have something very powerful to bring to the table.

Barnes brought intense enthusiasm and then used that to take Edison’s ideas out into the world. Barnes was what Jeff Goins’ would call “scrappy.” He just wanted to do the work. He got better and better and better at what he did.

If you already have a pre-existing capability, all the better. As Dan Sullivan has explained, the best collaborations are when a creator and distributor come together to take both where neither could go on their own.

WHO is someone you want to partner with?

DREAM BIG HERE! Think really really big. WHO do you want to learn from? WHY this person?

Once you have the answer to those two questions, all you need to do is get to work. As Bill Walsh wisely said, “When the why is strong enough you’ll figure out how!”

The HOW will only take care of itself when you have the proper WHO and WHY in place.

The WHO is the first question you need to answer. The WHY must be powerful for selecting that particular person.

Write it down on paper.

Write down WHO you want to work with.

Write down WHY you want to learn from and/or work with them.

Then, and only then, begin writing down HOW you plan to develop the connection. That connection should be built on the basis of service to their goals. And in most cases, your better-off doing more front-end work than Barnes did for Edison. Although sometimes your spirit and enthusiasm may be enough, in today’s hyper-connected world, people in high places are getting more requests than they know what to do with.

You need to make yourself stick out. You do this by:

helping them long before you ever reach out to themtaking their ideas and distributing them in the best possible way you canbecoming their greatest testimonialstudying them and really learning what matters to them and what they’re trying to accomplishbeing innovative about how you can help them in ways they may not have already thought of, or that are unique to you

If you approach them AFTER:

you’ve already been supporting their work in powerful waysand it’s clear to them that you know what you’re talking aboutand you’re proposing ways you can help them achieve their goals without much work or effort on their part

THEN you’ve got a really really good shot at developing incredible praetorships with your DREAM MENTORS.

Be So Good That You Can’t Be Ignored

“If a thing is done well, no one will ask how long it took to do it, but only who did it.” — John Taylor

All of this is a lot easier if you already have developed expertise at something. Cal Newport explains the importance of being “So Good They Can’t Ignore You.”

If you understand relationships and if you’re an abundant person… PLUS you’re already really really good at what you do, then it becomes very easy to get mentored by and work with nearly anyone you want.

If you have rare skills and abilities, you can use those skills abundantly to HELP the people you want to work with. More than that, you can also establish immediate credibility.

Jeff Goins is right about the difference between being “sophisticated” and “scrappy.”

Yes you can work with just about anyone if you really want to. But WHY? Is it to make yourself look good? Is it to fuel your ego and pride?

Dan Sullivan says that it only takes him a few minutes with a person for him to feel their core motivation, whether that be growth or greed.

If your focus is on growth, giving, and continuing to do the work you love, then partnering with DREAM MENTORS will only catapult you further. But beware of what Jeff Goins calls “The Dark Side Of Success.” It’s very easy to lose your way and forget your WHY when even a little bit of success comes your way.

And if you truly dedicate yourself to becoming SO GOOD YOU CAN’T BE IGNORED, you will become successful.

Becoming successful isn’t rocket-science. It’s about serving a specific audience in a way that is highly useful. It’s about developing skills and using them to benefit others.

It’s never been easier to learn and develop skills. We have access to a global world with endless information and connection. We also have distribution channels that allow us to get our work and products viewed by millions of target audiences for either free or really cheap.

Developing mastery is easy.

Staying clear on your values and WHY is hard.

Most people, the moment they get even a little success, forget about WHY and start only thinking about HOW. Specifically, how can they get more successful at what they do. The answer is right in front of them. Continue to serve in the best way you possible can. Stay to the work. Jeff Goins is one of my mentors and I’m grateful to have him in my life, continually reminding me to remember WHY I’m doing this.

Stay scrappy no matter how “successful” you become. Always be better than you look. Stay humble and grateful in your relationships and people will love you.

Always make the pie bigger for people. And when you shift your focus from HOW to WHO, you’ll immediately begin thinking 10X or 100X bigger.

Ready to Upgrade?

I’ve created a cheat sheet for putting yourself into a PEAK-STATE, immediately. You follow this daily, your life will change very quickly.

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If You Want Limitless Success, Stop Asking “HOW” And Start Asking “WHO” was originally published in The Mission on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

We need to connect! Email Rachel@benjaminhardy.com

We need to connect! Email Rachel@benjaminhardy.com

Honestly, whether it’s a parable or a true account doesn’t matter to me.

Honestly, whether it’s a parable or a true account doesn’t matter to me. I draw LOTS of principles from it.

Parables are fine to me.