Mark Manson's Blog, page 17

3 Unexpected Benefits of Marriage

In my younger years, I was what would be described as a “player.” I put a lot of effort into sleeping with a lot of women. Unfortunately, for a time, it was an integral part of my identity, which wasn’t healthy.

I was that guy who was juggling four different Lauren’s in his phone and couldn’t remember which one he texted what to. But I didn’t care, because there was always another Lauren just around the corner.

It was a fun life, but it was also shallow and, aside from my own ego trip, more...

1,500 People Give All the Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need

Hey, guess what? I got married two weeks ago. And like most people, I asked some of the older and wiser folks around me for a couple quick words of advice from their own marriages to make sure my wife and I didn’t shit the (same) bed. I think most newlyweds do this — ask for advice, I mean, not shit the same bed — especially after a few cocktails from the open bar they just paid way too much money for.

But, of course, not being satisfied with just a few wise words, I had to take it step furt...

The Real Cost of Freedom

BBack when I was starting my first business, I changed the desktop background on my laptop to a photo of the D-Day landing on Omaha beach. Over the photo was in big block letters “Harden the Fuck Up.”

The goal with the image was to provide a constant reminder in my times of struggle that my big problems weren’t really big problems, that as little as two generations ago, men my age were stepping off a boat to immediately watch all of the men around them die in a hailstorm of bullets.

But there...

The American Dream Is Killing Us

Imagine this: you’re a kid again, and you want to sell lemonade in your neighborhood. So you set up your little lemonade stand with your cardboard sign written in crayon and get to work.

The first day, one person comes and buys some lemonade. Then the second day, two people come. Then the third, three. And the fourth, four. Within a month, you’re serving dozens of people lemonade every day and the demand just keeps growing.

But it gets better. Not only does the whole neighborhood want a taste...

3 Important Life Skills Nobody Ever Taught You

Imagine for a second that I’m your father. I know that may bring up all sorts of awkward and unpleasant connotations, but stay with me here — and until we’re done, just call me “Dad.”

Now, let’s pretend that we’re having one of those intimate heart-to-heart conversations that we all ideally imagine having with our fathers. Maybe we’re sipping beers on the back patio, listening to the crickets and watching the moon slowly find the horizon. Maybe we’re laughing about some movie we just saw or r...

The Need to Always Prove Yourself in America

Early this year, I moved back to the US. It’s the first time I’ve lived here full-time in almost seven years.

Looking back on all of my travels, I can now see that I went through various phases in my relationship with US culture.

In the beginning, everywhere I went felt so new and so bewildering. It was almost exhausting being confronted with so many new beliefs and cultural ideas all the time. I remember the first year feeling a sense of respite and relaxation every time I returned to the US....

The Feedback Loop from Hell

This is an excerpt from my new book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, now available for pre-order.

There’s an insidious quirk to your brain that, if you let it, can drive you absolutely batty. Tell me if this sounds familiar to you:

You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Oh no! Doubly anxious! Now you’re anxious about your anxiety, which is causing mor...

Is It Just Me, Or Is the World Going Crazy?

In the past year, despite hundreds of people asking me, I’m proud to say that I’ve managed to avoid all temptation to write an article about Donald Trump or the slow motion, 20-car pileup that is this year’s US presidential election.

Until now.

Before, I stayed out of the gravitational pull of Trump’s narcissistic publicity machine for a few reasons:

There’s already so much stuff out there about him and how terrifying he is as a presidential candidate, I never felt like there was anything I cou...

The Liberation of Not Knowing

A
reader recently emailed me about how to deal with negative self-talk — you know, those awful conversations you have with yourself late at night about how you’ll never be star of the football team, how everyone is secretly laughing at you when you’re not looking, and how mom and dad never told you that you’re secretly adopted.

We all deal with this sort of negative self-talk. Even those of us who score A+ on our happy tests, we still engage in the ol’ “beat yourself up brain” from time to ti...

9 Steps to Hating Yourself a Little Less

I know what you’re thinking. You saw the title and said to yourself, “Who does this guy think he is? Hate myself? Does he know how good-looking I am? Has he even seen my bitching new haircut? Does he know I once trained for a half marathon and actually ran part of it? I’m totally in love with myself. What the fuck does he know?”

Look, I admit, your hair is pretty awesome. But let’s get real here. If we’re really honest with ourselves, we all have a little self-loathing going on from time to...