Jacqui Murray's Blog, page 162

59 Tips for Fantasy Writers

Some of the most popular writers of all time pen in this genre. J.K. Rowlings, J.R. Tolkein, Piers Anthony. Who doesn’t love creating a world that exactly as you wish Mother Earth and Uncle Universe would be. If only. Not to be confused with Science Fiction–that brilliant writing that extrapolates its reality from our present.

From the Fantasy Novelist’s Exam:

These are from David Parker who admits to being ‘sick’ of all the writers who are darn sure they can write the next big Fantasy…”so we’ve compiled a list of rip-off tip-offs in the form of an exam. We think anybody considering writing a fantasy novel should be required to take this exam first. Answering “yes” to any one question results in failure and means that the prospective novel should be abandoned at once.”

Very interesting:

Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages?
Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage?
Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn’t know it?
Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme bad guy?
Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world?
How about one that will destroy it?
Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about “The One” who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good?
Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information?
Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise?

Is the evil supreme bad guy secretly the father of your main character?
Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician?
Does “a forgetful wizard” describe any of the characters in your novel?
How about “a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior”?
How about “a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons”?
Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued?
Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals?
Would “a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword” aptly describe any of your female characters?
Would “a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan” aptly describe any of your female characters?
Is any character in your novel best described as “a dour dwarf”?
How about “a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage”?
Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different?
Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief?
Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like “The Blasted Lands” or “The Forest of Fear” or “The Desert of Desolation” or absolutely anything “of Doom”?
Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you’ve read the entire book, if even then?
Is this the first book in a planned trilogy?
Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book?
Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you’re still many sequels away from finishing your “story”?
Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books?
Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm?
Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names?
Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables?
Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named “Tim Umber” and “Belthusalanthalus al’Grinsok”?
Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings?
How about “orken” or “dwerrows”?
At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines?
Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don’t?
Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place?
Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won’t break the plot?
Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest?
Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day?
Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it?
Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar?
Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor?
Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains?
Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man?
Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an “on the road” meal?
Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead?
Do you think that “mead” is just a fancy name for “beer”?
Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion?
Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute?
Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before?
Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings?

From Bruce Coville:

Bruce Coville is the author of nearly 100 books for children and young adults, including the international bestseller My Teacher is an Alien and the wildly popular Unicorn Chronicles. Bruce has been a teacher, toymaker, magazine editor, gravedigger, and a cookware salesman.  His books have won Children’s Choice Awards in over a dozen states, including Vermont, Connecticut, Nevada and California. His books have been translated into nearly 20 languages.[from his biography]

Here are his hints:

Know the Rules
Humor is Always Welcome
Do Your Research
Use Sidekicks
Start at Home
Retain a Sense of Mystery
Master the Art of Naming

If you write fantasy, I’d love to hear your hints for doing it right.

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Jacqui Murray  is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for five blogs, an  Amazon Vine Voice  book reviewer, a weekly columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blog, IMS tech expert, and a monthly contributor to Today’s Author. In her free time, s he is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller that should be out to publishers next summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab,  Ask a Tech Teacher.

Filed under: Genre tips, writing

Book Review: Cuts Through Bone

Cuts Through Bone: A Mystery

by Alaric Hunt

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

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If you are tired of the typical thrillers from the usual voices, read Alaric Hunt’s debut novel, “Cuts Through Bone” ( Minotaur Books 2013). Aside from the fact that the story deals with detectives, murdered innocents, and the good guys are flawed, there’s nothing usual about this book.

The story deals with a gritty older detective who’s breaking in a raw new female partner. As luck would have it, a serial murder falls in their laps so her learning curve accelerates and we get to see the many tricks of the trade that made our seasoned PI–Guthrie–survive as long as he has.  He is sharp, school-of-hard-knocks smart, which he probably got from the author himself who’s serving a life sentence in South Carolina. The plot, too, is smart, and complicated. Hunt cleverly peals it away like an onion, never too fast that you miss the fun or too slow that you want to stop.

That’s not what will make you read this book, as appealing as the two characters and the plot are. It’s the author’s voice. It’s so authentic, I don’t know what he’s saying 10% of the time. His scene descriptions put me right there, crawling through the sewers, sweltering in the New York heat.

So what don’t I like? There are a few complaints I could make about most young new writers. First, the story’s choppy. Part of that is because Hunt’s writing style is jumpy. Not stream of consciousness, but definitely not smooth. He tries to weave the backstory into the plot and runs into a few bumps. Second, Guthrie has an astounding number of friends who owe him favors. Every time the story hits a snag, Guthrie comes up with a friend in high places who bales them out. Is that realistic? Maybe. Not sure. Third, there are oddly-phrased sentences. See if you agree:

Guthrie’s shot squeezed in between the lighter bullets like a zesty piece of roast beef sandwiched between two slices of plain light bread
“You were doing something there that could get somebody shut up.”
As the afternoon declined…
Steady running earned grudging passage from the trees…

By the way, I love the backstory on the title. I won’t give it away, but think ‘rich’, ‘historic’, and ‘worth waiting for’.

Because of newbie mistakes, I’d probably give this 3.5, but that’s not available, so I’ll round up. Alaric–you owe me half a point in your next book.

Jacqui Murray  is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for six blogs, an  Amazon Vine Voice  book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blog, IMS tech expert, and a monthly contributor to Today’s Author. In her free time, s he is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller that should be out to publishers next summer.

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Filed under: book reviews Tagged: book review, mystery

How to Describe Sensory Actions

Senses communicate–photo credit: PublicDomain Pictures

Sensory detail brings a scene alive for the reader. The taste, smell, visual, tactile and sound of your story’s world can do more to make it real than anything else. But you can’t say, ‘she heard’, ‘he tasted‘. That puts the reader outside the story, watching, not experiencing. We’re writers and must be much more creative about our presentation.

Here’s a list of prompts to get you thinking about what the senses actually feel like from the inside. These are from my own writing or novels I’ve read so don’t use them. Taste the words and recreate them with your own voice.

Voice

His voice trailed off, the conclusions inescapable
“who is it?” a whiskey-soaked voice asked
voice pinched
spoke in a hoarse whisper
said absently
voice clipped and filled with a dark edge
Made a muffled squeak
Fists balled tightly, eyes string blandly
weary resignation
hollow voice
she asked between bites of calamari
Had a little girl voice that stopped just short of lisping
Voice low and gravely
Voice detached and clinical
Voice thick with conviction, guilt,
Voice cracked and raw
Speaking in quiet tones
Hadn’t realized she was holding her breath
Said coolly
Breathy explosion of words
Her voice soft and measured like a guy trying to overcome a stutter
Tone weary, but cheerful
No, yes, maybe, I don’t know–shit!
Half smile in place like a casual piece of armor
“I don’t know.” Too rapid
He said it too fast and too loudly
Dropping into topics she cared passionately about but she didn’t comment
She yelped
I sense a but coming
Yes, she lied
Meaningless gibberish
Like what, I said around the bite
Chuckled in spite of himself
Quite a coincidence, his voice made it clear it was anything but
Said in a calm, unhurried voice
Jinn nodded, but it took him a moment to find his voice
The tone said order could prevail over chaos
Said absently as the printer spun out more paper
I beckon him to proceed
The playfulness fell away like a discarded cloak

Eyes

Looked left and right before starting
shadow passed over his eyes
Flicker in his eyes
Said without looking at him
focused on an empty space in the air between them
looked for a common theme, a thread of some sort
She frowned–couldn’t recall the incident
Heard little and cared less
Hovering over her shoulder
his eyes flattened
his face hardened in concentration
arched an eye brow
looked at me with a strangled expression
Thinking about my conversation with the old detective
shot a look over the top of his glasses
Squinted at the sun

Ears

ears strained to create a visual picture of what was happening behind her

Sight

Eyed me as though his bullshit meter was ticking in the red zone.
An alertness in the eyes, behind the glasses that sat crookedly on the nose
Cold gaze fixed on the anxious young man
Sure, we know that, said Herrera, taking off his glasses to inspect the lenses.
He saw her eyes open wide in surprise and recognition.
Eyes bleary from surveillance and the two-hour drive
Vision narrowed to a pinprick
Eyes clouded
eyes locked on like magnets
four pairs of eyes blinked in unison
studied her with a predator’s unwavering attention
blinked a couple of time
eyes narrowed to slits
narrowed his eyes
eyes locked in a shared understanding
Squinted out into the audience
yellow rimmed eyes narrowing
eyes turned inward
shook her head and stared at the pool
peered sightlessly at a wall
Staring sightlessly into the darkness
Stared off into the crowd but didn’t seem to see anything
Stared into the distance
Fixed expression
Looked at a place somewhere over his shoulder
Their eyes met, but he broke it off
meaningful eye contact
studied him with her level gaze
dark eyes radiated a fierce, uncompromising intelligence
rubbed raw eyes
his eyes flickered past me
eyes narrowed, she got a vertical wrinkle between her eyebrow
risked a peek
she screwed her eyes shut
stared brazenly into her eyes
eyes felt scratchy and I was jittery with coffee and raw from sleeplessness.
His eyes were never still and he never looked at me except in passing

Smell

Human

Anais anais
Her perfume smelled like jasmine.
Her hair smelled like crisp apples
All I could smell was my own human breath, my own human body and the faint metallic odor of blood
The smell of tobacco hung on him like a cloud
Smelling like they hadn’t bathed in a month

Outdoors

The air was full of the smell of burned rubber and hot brakes and gas and oil

Indoors

Malodor of dank concrete and compacted humanity no ventilator fan could ever drive out
The room smelling of tobacco and crumbling plaster and peeling wallpaper
smelled of mold and rug beer and food left rotting in the sink on crusted plates.

Emotion

they could smell it, couldn’t they? It was like booze on the breath
Smelled of desperation accumulated over the years

Any of your own favorites to add? I’d love to read them.

Jacqui Murray  is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for six blogs, an  Amazon Vine Voice  book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blog, IMS tech expert, and a monthly contributor to Today’s Author. In her free time, s he is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller that should be out to publishers next summer.

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Filed under: descriptors, writers resources, writing Tagged: descriptors, senses

Writers Tip #54: Do You Know Your Characters

When you read your story, does it sound off, maybe you can’t quite put your finger on it, but you know you’ve done something wrong? Sometimes–maybe even lots of times–there are simple fixes. These writer’s tips will come at you once a week, giving you plenty of time to go through your story and make the adjustments.

Today’s tip: Show (Not Tell) Your Characters

If you saw your main character walking down the street, could you tell it was him/her by the confidence in their stride, the tilt of their head, the way their eyes scan the crowd? Could you smell their unique after shave/perfume? Do they talk with their hands or clench their fists when they’re angry?

A large percentage of real-life communication is nonverbal. Everyone has unique mannerisms that separate them from their peers. Don’t depend upon dialogue tags to characterize your actors. Show me they’re shrieking by their wide eyes, their flying hands, the way people around them pull back as though struck by the shrillness. If they’re whining, show it by an ingratiating smile, in slumped shoulders. We should be able to identify who is talking without the tag.

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More on non-verbal communication:

Words Lie, Body Language Doesn’t
How to Tell if Someone is Lying: Body Language
How Your Body Tells a Story As Well as Words Do

More on characters:

Writers Tip #53: What Motivates Your Character Provides Conflict
Writers Tip #51: Give Your Characters Their Head
What Do Emotions Look Like?
Know Your Character

Jacqui Murray  is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for six blogs, an  Amazon Vine Voice  book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blog, IMS tech expert, and a monthly contributor to Today’s Author. In her free time, s he is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller that should be out to publishers next summer.

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Filed under: characters, communication, writers resources, writers tips Tagged: characterization, characters, writers tips

Book Review: No Show

No Show

by Simon Wood

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

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No Show (Thomas & Mercer 2013) is Simon Wood’s sixteenth (or so) thriller. This is the third I’ve read (including Paying the Piper and  Terminated) and they’re all fast-paced with appealing characters and clever plot lines. His voice is always friendly. You feel comfortable with his characters. They seem real, like you could have a drink with them or trust them with one of your problems.  This is no exception.

No Show is the story of Terry Sheffield’s nightmare. He’s a Brit who weds an American after barely knowing her, moves to the US to start their life as a couple only to have her stand him up at the airport. The story deals with his efforts to maneuver through this strange land while searching for the woman he married, along the way wondering if he really ever knew this beautiful, passionate woman.

Who could not be grabbed by the terror of arriving in a foreign nation where people drive on the wrong side of the street, measure in inches rather than the world standard of centimeters, and speak with a quirky toneless accent? Where do you start when you have no idea that the DMV is a rat race (in Britain it’s done online), police are suspicious of guys with green cards and you have no idea who to trust and who to kick to the curb? That’s all in Terry’s first day. It gets worse as the plot races forward.

My only objection is the ending is kind of weak. The ‘why’ is a tad mushy and too shallow for the depth of the story. Don’t get me wrong though–that won’t stop me from buying Wood’s next book. But it is the reason I gave it four stars instead of five. Overall, you won’t confuse this book with what Oprah would define as a life-defining moment, but it will be worth the time you commit and you’ll come out with a few new ideas on what to do if you are ever stranded in a foreign land without friends, a phone, or a car key.

Jacqui Murray  is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for six blogs, an  Amazon Vine Voice  book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blog, Technology in Education featured blogger, IMS tech expert, and a bi-monthly contributor to Today’s Author. In her free time, s he is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller that should be out to publishers next summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab,  Ask a Tech Teacher.

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Filed under: book reviews Tagged: book review, thrillers

Traditional or Indie? I’m Really Stressed Over This

This is my first post with Alex Cavanaugh’s Insecure Writers Support Group (#IWSG). Click the link for details on what that means and how to join. You will also find a list of other bloggers signed up to the challenge that are worth checking out. Once a month we all post our thoughts, fears or words of encouragement for fellow writers. When I found out several writers I follow were members–Kate over at SubtleKate and Rebecca–I decided to take the plunge. This was not done without trepidation: I joined a ‘Linky’ sort of group a year ago and it was a dismal failure. I know–my fault. I didn’t put enough into it. This will be different because Kate and Rebecca have my back!

I am feeling very insecure about my writing this month. I have an agent and a publisher, but they are moving like turtles on Valium. Back when I started, I wanted the imprimatur of the pros, but now, maybe, it’s enough I caught their attention. Maybe my path leads elsewhere.

I spent time talking to several agents at a recent writers conference and found them… uninspiring. I wanted to see them as the epitome of my aspirations, the answer to my questions, but instead they displayed the traditional publisher disrespect for self-pubbed authors and little interest in facing the elephant in their future.

Sure, there’s a lot to detest about self-pubbed authors:

their editing often stinks
their marketing is amateurish
their book covers are uninspiring
their writing is often questionable

But despite that, many are making a living writing, doing what they love, publishing novels and stories that niche markets can’t get enough of and mainstream media would have nothing to do with.

What it comes down to is a leap of faith. If I self-pub:

will I be categorized as untouchable by Big Publisher? Will they forever throw my submittals in the round file, figuring self-pub was akin to inadequate
does it mean I’ve given up
can I make enough money to pay my bills
will writing become boring when it becomes my job (Right now, it’s my passion. What would I be passionate about if not for writing?)

Or is it my path to freedom?

Jacqui Murray  is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for six blogs, an  Amazon Vine Voice  book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blog, IMS tech expert, and a monthly contributor to Today’s Author. In her free time, s he is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller that should be out to publishers next summer.

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I’m not very patient.

Filed under: writers resources, writing Tagged: iswg, writers

9 Tips for Mystery Writers

Who doesn’t love a good mystery? Pitting your wits against the master sleuth, seeing if you can outthink a Sherlock Homes wanna-be, figure out the answer before they do? Who needs Brain Games when a talented mystery writer is out there?

So when you go to the bookstore in search of a mystery to wile away the weekend hours, do you also check out thrillers? Aren’t they kinda sorta pretty much the same?

Truth: Mysteries often get confused with thrillers. They’re both plot-driven, action-oriented, fast-paced with a dramatic climax, but there are differences:

The generally accepted difference: In a mystery, you’re trying to solve a crime that’s been committed. In a thriller, you’re trying to prevent a crime from being committed.
In a thriller, you’re waiting for something significant to happen. In a mystery, you’re trying to figure out why it happened
According to Donald Maass, a thriller must have a believable plot that’s also incredible. Mysteries just need to be clever
According to Alfred Hitchcock, thrillers are about suspense and mysteries are about surprise (I’ve liberally rephrased his thoughts, but this is the essence)

If you want to write mysteries,  here are some tips for doing that well:

problem solving is central to plot and characters
many characters are suspects or have traits that are suspect
clearly describe the setting, providing clues that are carried through the story
details are critical. Subtle details are best
sprinkle clues throughout the story
have distractions from the primary plot
the solution must be supported by clues provided throughout the story
each character should have some flaw that makes them look guilty of murder
own G.K. Chesterton’s oath required of each member in the British Detection Club: “Do you promise that your detectives shall well and truly detect the crimes presented to them using those wits which it may please you to bestow on them and not placing reliance on nor making use of Divine Revelation, feminine Intuition, mumbo jumbo, Jiggery-pokery, coincidence, or Act of God?”

That’s it. I’d love to hear from mystery writers–what do you consider critical to creating compelling mystery novels?

Jacqui Murray  is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for six blogs, an  Amazon Vine Voice  book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blog, IMS tech expert, and a monthly contributor to Today’s Author. In her free time, s he is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller that should be out to publishers next summer.

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Filed under: writers resources, writing Tagged: mysteries, writers life

Book Review: The Way We Never Were

The Way We Never Were: American Families & the Nostalgia Trap

by Stephanie Coontz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

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It’s a challenge as a writer to build believable characters. Your readers must relate to them, grow to understand them, maybe even empathize with. That requires a cautious mix of reality (unless you’re writing fantasy, readers demand characters, setting and plots that could happen) and fiction (a world that could be theirs if only). Together, these two ingredients build a story that readers can get lost in.

What if those reader memories (the ‘fact’ in this scenario) are false? That’s what writers face in setting their stories in post WWII, when “all the women are strong, men good looking, and children above average”. Because none of that is true. Yet, this type of false memory is so pervasive, it’s been christened the Lake Wobegon effect. It afflicts everyone from CEOs to college students to parents. The effect is closely related to the Confirmation bias, a tendency to search for, interpret or remember information in a way that confirms one’s preconceptions.

So the question is: Should your characters behave in a manner that matches people’s memories or as life was?

Here are some examples, from Stephanie Coontz’s book, The Way We Never Were:

The Ozzie and Harriet Family

That loving nurturing family where Dad always had a job and Mom never had to. Where the 2.2 kids went to school without question, never dropped out, did their homework and helped with chores.  Where was I?

My Mother Was a Saint

Mom was always patient, wise, with eyes in the back of her head and time for kids and dad whenever they needed her. She was brilliant despite not going to college and rarely leaving the house to go to the gym, take an evening class, hold down a parttime job, those places where moms get to talk to adults. She cooked, cleaned, gardened, helped with projects, PTA’d, ironed, entertained friends. All with a calm equanimity that taught her children that every girl could be SuperMom.

We Always Stood on Our Own Two feet

No one was on welfare. Everyone’s family took care of themselves and those around them. Kids got paper routes to buy their extras and Dads got raises just in the nick of time.

We Never Did That

talked back to our parents or teachers
did drugs or alcohol
parents never argued in front of kids
families always had heart-warming reunions
The other guy always got laid off and lost his job
Big Business was kind and generous to its employees

Jacqui Murray  is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for six blogs, an  Amazon Vine Voice  book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blog, IMS tech expert, and a monthly contributor to Today’s Author. In her free time, s he is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller that should be out to publishers next summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab,  Ask a Tech Teacher.

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Filed under: book reviews Tagged: lake wobegon effect, ozzie and harriet, stephanie coontz, the way we never were

Words Lie, Body Language Doesn’t

Why is it that when you look at certain people, you think they’re pleasant or kind, or maybe even mean? Before they say a word, you make judgments about whether you want to saunter over and listen to their words.

It’s their body language–the set of their mouth, their facial expressions, their gestures. Often, these are movements they aren’t aware of, but telegraph so much information to you, you make decisions about your interest in approaching them.

This is true with the characters in the books you write, too. If you write about characters, it can’t just be their actions and their dialogue. You have to show us when they frown at something that happens, when they peer into a crowd looking for a friend. How they use their hands–or don’t use them–as they speak. When they scratch their ear and look down or hug themselves when they’re upset. These are the parts that endear a character to the reader, make us worry about or for them, or cause us to fear them. Leave them out at your own peril.

Here are about fifty descriptors that cover the head area–eyes, mouth, neck, etc. As with all my descriptors–they are from the writing of others. Use them for inspiration, but nothing more (that’s what I do):

Voice

His voice trailed off; the conclusions was inescapable
Spoke in a hoarse whisper
Said with weary resignation
Hollow voice
Voice low and gravely
Voice thick with conviction, guilt, etc
She asked between bites of calamari
Voice cracked and raw
Speaking in quiet tones
Hadn’t realized she was holding her breath
Breathy explosion of words
Tone weary, but cheerful


Voice low, tone uncertain
Something like a sigh
Words were slurred and lisping
Mouth turned up a fraction of an inch
Spittle on his lips
His thin voice took on a pedantic tone
The babble of talk died at his entry. He blinked as his eyes adjusted.
No, yes, maybe, I don’t know—Shit! She yelped
I sense a but coming
Yes, she lied
“I don’t know” Again, too rapid
Breath came in ragged gasps
Anger crept into his voice
Bark out critical info in short sharp yelps
Tight-lipped
brow puckered
Raised his right eyebrow


Hands



hands shaking in a palsy of rage
Hands clamped tightly together, leaning forward, knuckles white
His hands crossed in front of him
That fast-wave women do
shook like the wings of a hummingbird fingers tightly intertwined
knuckle cracking
flapped a hand,
Folded his arms across his chest
Soft handshake
Firm, manly handshakes

Face



Worry lines framed her mouth and tugged at her eyes
Forced a smile
muscles in his jaw bunched
her dead mother smiled across the gulf of time
Long face pensive and worried
Shook his head and turned back
His grimace that of a man who’s bitten into a moldy plum
Tears started again without sound or movement
Smile faded from his face
Tepid smile
Grit his teeth

Eyes

Vision narrowed to a pinprick
eyes locked on like magnets
studied her w/ a predator’s unwavering attention
blinked a couple of times
Squinted out into the audience
eyes narrowed to slits
Narrowed his eyes
eyes locked in a shared understanding
yellow rimmed eyes narrowing
eyes turned inward
peer sightlessly at a wall
Staring sightlessly into the darkness
Stared into the distance
Fixed expression
Looked at a place somewhere over his shoulder
Their eyes met, but he broke it off
meaningful eye contact
risked a peek
she screwed her eyes shut

Neck

skin on the back of his neck puckered
muscles at the back of her neck tightened
fluffed the hair at the back of her neck when she was thinking

Arms



elbows resting on his knees
locked arms

Walking

Recognized the swagger of a failed cop wanna be whose life had already peaked
Walked toward them with grim determination, her spine bent forward in a dowager’s hump
Strutted into the room as thought it was her favorite watering hole
Turned on his heel
Stepping lightly
Lumbered down the sidewalk
Walk with labored dignity
Shambling
Walked at her usual brisk pace, the swagger was gone, and her shoulders were slumped as though the night had beaten her down and stolen her confidence.

Sitting

He sat back in his chair, crossed  one leg over the other, and tapped his fingers together
Crouched by the fire
Sat slumped in the water, his reputation in ruins around him

Jacqui Murray  is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for six blogs, an  Amazon Vine Voice  book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blog, IMS tech expert, and a monthly contributor to Today’s Author. In her free time, s he is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller that should be out to publishers next summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab,  Ask a Tech Teacher.

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Jacqui Murray  is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for six blogs, an  Amazon Vine Voice  book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, Cisco guest blog, IMS tech expert, and a monthly contributor to Today’s Author. In her free time, s he is the editor of a K-8 technology curriculum, K-8 keyboard curriculum, K-8 Digital Citizenship curriculum, and creator of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller that should be out to publishers next summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab,  Ask a Tech Teacher.

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