Tabby Mattheessen's Blog, page 2

I’d like to stop dying.

People who talk to me on a regular basis would probably tell you that I get angry, a lot. That I get angry at media more often than anything. And that I’m ready to unleash my opinions on a trigger notice. I’ll go off about story-telling flaws–I’ve got long lists of ‘wouldn’t it be cool if?’ or ‘I would have done it this way if I was in charge.’ My other major aggravation is lack of representation. It’s been so cool this last year to see How to Get Away with Murder and Star Wars: Force Awakens and Mad Max: Fury Road do well. The fact that women-led movies have dominated the box office the last couple of years is great. We’ve got more in a lot of ways.

And yet, somehow, a lot of the shows I watch decided that now was a great time to start killing off LGBT characters–specifically LGBT women. In the last week and a half alone, two different shows have killed same-sex inclined women. This trend isn’t anything new either. Autostraddle’s ever growing list goes back decades.

The trend is outright frustrating, especially in most cases the deaths aren’t necessary to continue the plot. Even more so because there are so few queer characters in the first place that killing them often means not seeing or finding another queer character for seasons–if the show gets to continue that long in the first place. The Walking Dead is now six seasons done with hundreds of characters, yet only five have ever been openly declared LGBT characters. Three of those have been women and two of those three are dead. The Vampire Diaries is in its seventh season and has had few queer characters to begin with, but they just decided to blow up Nora and Mary-Louise (the only f/f couple I can recall) in one move.

My largest source of anger comes from the fact that these characters are often killed for the sake of a main man’s plot. Supernatural producers defend their Charlie-killing (one of like only 5 LGBT identified characters in the show’s 200+ episode history) as ‘where the story took them.’ In this case, that was to get Dean to the point where he’d be willing to go kill a bunch of men. And it had to be death because, you know, torturing or kidnapping a character he saw like a little sister wouldn’t have been enough to set off the already everyone-kept-commenting-on-anger-levels Dean. Right. Never mind that Charlie had been out surviving on her own for practically a year, somehow she lost a fight when she literally should have climbed out the window. ‘For the story.’

Denise’s death on The Walking Dead isn’t any better. For one, she’s one where they decided to change comic book cannon. Instead of hooking up with Heath, she was with Tara. On top of that, Denise survived longer than her comic-counterpart. I’d assumed it’d be so we could have a lot longer with her–Carol’s still alive seasons after. But no, Denise uttered that she was scared about love and then bammo, less than a minute later she has an arrow through the eye. And what have the only effects been so far? Daryl getting pissed off and going out on a revenge spree (that was quickly cut off) and Rosita joining him on that. (You could attempt to argue that was why Maggie needed to go to Hilltop–without their doctor, she needed care. However, I will remind you that Denise was a novice doctor with limited resources while the Hilltop’s doctor was an obgyn with an ultrasound and Maggie’s pain has been abdominal. They would have needed to go to Hilltop anyway.)

On Arrow, Sarah Lance died because Malcolm wanted Oliver to deal with the League of Assassins for him. Oh, and the source of extra angst for most of that season was not telling her father because of his ‘weakened’ condition (a condition that seems to come and go as needed…) I don’t even know why Toshiko Sato of Torchwood had to die except those producers were getting rid of like everyone but Gwen and Jack (no, really, it’s inside of four episodes of the show that you lose 60% of the cast). But considering her death was part of Gray’s plan (worst plan and villain ever, btw) of revenge on Jack, that means that Tosh didn’t die as part of her own plot, but his.

Nora and Mary-Louise’s deaths on The Vampire Diaries were completely unexpected as well. I’m not even sure why the story went that way, and honestly it’s been hard understanding where this season’s story arc wanders in any given episode. I’d say they died for their own cause, except there’s a hitch with that. See, they blow this relic so that they don’t get separated. Sure. Makes sense, makes it about them. Only this moment is entirely framed around the fact that Stephan is laying on the ground, soul in the damn relic. And I don’t know why Raina threw her sword at Nora and Mary-Louise when she spent a chunk of the episode getting the sword back. Just doesn’t make any sense, unless it’s done entirely to prevent easy re-ensouling of Stephan, therefore, they died ’cause of a guy.

These have just been the characters I’m most familiar with in recent years. The frustration stems from the fact that 1. It’s so hard to find LGBTQA characters to begin with, 2. That they get to be fully realized characters in the first place and not just stereotypes, and 3. You get to spend just enough time with them that you can find something relatable. So it’s devastating that over and over, I get to have hope that these characters exist in these often violent worlds. I get to see that, hey yeah, there’s all kinds of people! That the world is wide and full of possibilities. And just when I get used to the idea, those characters are ripped away. With Nora and Mary-Louise, I was like ‘yes, awesome! we get to go through the ‘my lover is dying and I’ll do anything to save her’ plot/trope, only to have that turn into a ‘if we can’t be together we’ll die on our own terms’ inside of an episode–meanwhile Damen gets to fucking lament about Elena and/or Stephan for like the millionth time.

So I’m going to propose that for the next 5 years tv doesn’t kill another LGBT woman. Hell, at the current rate, I will take the next 5 weeks. I want the chance to feel included, not to sit there wondering how long until the clock runs out on the queer women this week. Come on, it’s not that hard to let characters live in these fictional worlds.

After all, the lead guys are all still there.

Editing, and why it’s not my enemy anymore

You hear writers grip a lot about the editing process, and for good reason. After you get done with a project, the last thing you want to think about is the changes you’ll have to make to it. Sometimes, we get that little voice that blocks us from writing in the first place because Oh God, we’re going to have to go over this again and fix it all! That’s why during NaNo writers remind each other to go bury that inner editor, abandon it for as long as possible just to get that draft out!

Unfortunately, that inner editor can’t stay gone. Eventually in the process, we need to let that critical voice ride shotgun. If it’s well trained, it helps us catch those errors and mistakes. Note, I point out well-trained. I’m not talking about the voice in the back of your head that tells you to give up writing in general. Sometimes we blame those thoughts on the inner editor, but really, that’s not coming from that voice. The give-up thoughts come from the doubter.

The first step to enjoying the editing process of writing means separating the doubter’s input from the inner editor’s critique. The doubter is the one that wants you to lose hope, to demolish your sense of self-worth, and to wreck your motivations. That voice can sound like a twin to the editor, but it’s not quite the same. See, the inner editor wants to help you find the best version of your draft. It points to flaws–grammar or story structure, but once separated from the doubter it’s just flaws without judgment. With its help, you can go from saying ‘draft’ to ‘manuscript.’

The second part is remembering why you’re sitting with a draft. Writing is hard work, but anyone who’s involved in this stage of the process is still at it because they want to be. Part of you wants to tell the best story possible and one of the big differences is caring enough to edit. We all wish magical, perfect first drafts would spring out of our head, but we know the reality is the sweat and marked up pages. Lots of marked up pages. We’re at these pages because we have stories that we want to share with others. Editing focuses prose into a better story, making it more enjoyable for the readers.

And lastly, finishing editing is one step closer to publishing–whether you go for self-publication or submitting to publishing houses. It’s really the last of the huge steps. After the draft is this solid, you hand it out to some betas, you finish that editing and wow, you’ve got a completed work. You’ll be done.

While it’s a lot of hard work, it’s part of the process. It helps dig out the wonderful story buried and put a noticeable polish on the words. Editing is something that has to be done in order to get the best story possible. Finding ways to enjoy this part of the process is going to make it a lot easier to do. And don’t we get more done when we find a way to have fun?

Dialogue, more than the words characters spit out

In an effort to improve my overall writing, I’ve been doing what every good writing book will tell you–I’ve been reading. And reading. And when I thought I would take a break, I’d crack open another book. Some of it’s been fiction, others have been writing advice. Recently, I read through some of James Scott Bell’s works on the craft. His tips in How to Write Dazzling Dialogue are great, and they’ve helped me catch on to analyzing dialogue in what I’m reading, watching, and writing.

Which is why I’m blown away by Netflix’s Jessica Jones series again. The show is brilliant in so many ways, but the tight dialogue does so much heavy lifting. It carries you forward, makes you care, and provides the actors with fantastic opportunities to play their scenes.

I want to break down a scene here. This is in the third episode (AKA It’s Called Whiskey), and while still moving the action forward, it also provides exposition for us. At this point, we’ve got a pretty good impression of the current way Jessica is–the angry, traumatized woman who is struggling through her day to day, through a case dealing with her former abuser. What we don’t know is much about her past–It’s something Jessica hates talking about, but she and Trish have history, which the writers used to give us details about both their lives.

[After Trish takes off her shirt to reveal bruises covering her arms and shoulders. They head into Trish’s bedroom.]

Jessica: Who’s doing that to you? Is your mom back?

Trish: Just calm down, will you?

Jessica: Okay, is this why you have the video surveillance and the steel-reinforced door?

Trish: And bulletproof windows, a safe room. I made some upgrades.

Jessica: You–What you made is a fortress. Trish, what you afraid of?

[They head into Trish’s training room]

Trish: Not much, anymore. Except clowns. But that’s just common sense.

Jessica: You turned my room into a gym.

Trish: I needed a place to train.

Jessica: By “training,” you mean getting beaten purple.

Trish: [seizes Jessica and easily tosses her to the ground] No one touches me anymore unless I want them to. I let you fight my battles for too long. When you left–

Jessica: [rubbing her sore shoulder] You became a ninja?

Trish: Krav Maga. More brutal.

Jessica: Can you back off? You’re scaring me a little.

Trish: [grinning] I’ll make sandwiches.

This dialogue takes about a minute and a half of the show time. But look at the sheer amount of information here, even without the full visual to go along with it. From Jessica’s initial concerns, we see that she cares deeply about Trish’s well-being, something Jessica hasn’t shown a whole lot of and especially not in such an overt fashion. So far, Jessica has been as mysterious as possible with the other people she talks to, but with Trish, she’s asking the questions and deliberately engaging her when she typically shies away from too much talking.

We learn that Trish was a victim too, and that her mother may or may not be completely out of her life. They talk about their setting, which provides us more details about Trish. She’s confident in her security upgrades and these extra measures are what help her feel safe. In previous scenes, it’s established that she’s a radio talk show host. While we could guess that she’s worried about stalker fans that mean her harm, Jessica’s reveal about Trish’s mother shows us that Trish fears more than the average celebrity problems.

Also of note is the fact that Trish and Jessica aren’t just good friends, they’re former roommates. And this dialogue tells us that Jessica leaving the apartment was a transformation event for Trish. And Trish feels the need to prove her new abilities to Jessica–which we see when she tells Jessica the full details of the upgrades and shows her not just the training room, but some of that training. There’s a need to prove she’s okay if something happens to Jessica.

The fact that Jessica doesn’t know all these details about Trish’s life is another sign. When she needed help, Trish was someone she reached out to, but we can gather from the lack of knowledge that it’s been a while since they’ve talked frequently. Yet, their closeness is obvious. Even though Jessica’s worried, Trish is joking and open. By the end of the scene, Jessica’s initial fears for Trish’s safety are put to rest and they move on to have lunch together. They may have been out of each other’s lives for a while, but they’re obviously falling right back into their tight bond.

And there’s another layer here too. The show’s theme–victims, primarily women, overcoming trauma–comes into play. Jessica has built herself a mental fortress. She lives in a shitty apartment and says shitty things to people instead of showing that she does, in fact, give a damn about what happens to them. Trish has done the opposite, building a physical fortress while maintaining her faith in the general good intentions of other people. They’re both leading isolated lives in response to their fears. Their friendship, shown even in this short scene, is part of what gets them through this.

If you haven’t seen Jessica Jones, I highly recommend it for the dialogue and the amazing storytelling. Take just one episode and comb through it a few times. Every scene is tight with a dedicated purpose to telling a griping story. I know I plan on rewatching a few more time to catch all the great details of craft.

NaNoWriMo Tips

National Novel Writing Month kicks off on November 1st, which is this Sunday!

Okay, for those panicking (much like me), remember that nice deep breaths are your buddy. NaNoWriMo is exciting for sure, but it can be a little overwhelming even if you’ve won challenges in the past. In the last couple of days, my brain’s been running over a series of tips and tricks I’ve picked up over the years that will help make my NaNo easier. I thought I’d share a few.

Remember, writing is fun!

This can be a hard to remember in the middle of a draft. I get thinking about everything I’ve done, everything left to go, and I lose track of why I sat down at the keyboard in the first place: Because I like it. Because I have fun telling stories and getting words out to share with other people. Sometimes, I need a reminder that, hey, this is supposed to be an awesome experience! Going to write-ins or using the message boards helps me refuel my excitement for my project. Simply knowing that other people are also working their way through the 50k challenge makes me continue pushing for my own word count. I’m able to commiserate for a few minutes (Writing can be hard and solitary) and then find my fun groove again.

Planning or Pantsing, anything can work.

More than a lot of hobbies or professions, writing is a lot of trial and error to find the process that works for you. I’ve had a NaNo where I didn’t know much about the book except for the main character and a bit about her world setting. My other NaNo, I knew the cast of characters and the circumstances completely. NaNo is about discovering creativity, about getting that book out of your head and onto the page. And you’ll hear this advice over and over, the writing process has to be tailored to you. I’m sure a lot of people are like me–I’ve discovered that I do best with a mix of plotting and pantsing. My words fly onto the page when I’ve got just enough planned, but not every scene mapped. If you’re feeling anxious about reaching 50k, I recommend doing some plotting. If the thought of knowing too much of the story beforehand frightens you, don’t worry about it. NaNo is all about finding *your* groove.

Believe that Writer’s Block is a myth

Since I started working the mantra “there is no such thing as writer’s block” into my writing practice, I’ve had far fewer creative hurdles to jump. Frequently, in the past, when I was ‘blocked,’ it was because I didn’t feel a muse’s divine inspiration, or didn’t know what to do with the characters next. Sometimes–more often than I care to admit–I was blocked because I’d driven my characters into a plot that wasn’t in their personalities. NaNo doesn’t leave time for second-guessing. Never erase during NaNo, never go back and rewrite, but I’ve found it useful to write new scenes as if I’d already fixed the problem. If I feel like the story’s not going anywhere, it’s time to add a new character or to up the tension by having the worse possible thing happen. I think Kirkman, writer of The Walking Dead, likes to joke that if he needs something to happen, he just throws a zombie into the mix. Same can be said of Lost and Battlestar Galactica. If you’re worried about being stuck, get spontaneous. Throw in something you hadn’t considered before, or ask ‘what would make the characters’ lives worse?’ You’re the writer, you’re the god of the story. You get to be Murphy’s Law to their lives. And if that won’t work, find a friend or a forum to start explaining your story. I find myself making connections and new plots constantly when I try to tell someone how the story works. It’s just the little seed I need to keep going.

Guard your writing time.

This piece of advice comes up frequently, but I didn’t start taking it seriously until the last couple of months. It seems like such a natural, obvious tidbit: eliminate distractions from writing time and space. I wasn’t really following it though. I started to and my daily word count jumped incredibly. For me, it means getting out of the apartment (away from my television) and getting to a quiet spot in the library, making sure to use a quiet reading room or a study room because frequently other patrons can cause disruptions (the amount of small wailing children in libraries will surprise you. I’m never angry or upset with the parents–small children cry, this is a fact of life. I simply seek the corners where it’s harder for sound to reach). It takes a lot of discipline for me, but I tell myself that I can’t go surfing on the web until it’s break time.

For a lot of others, this means telling your loved ones that when you sit down to write, it’s your time. Don’t feel guilty for carving out time for what you’re doing. You’re finding fun, you’re creating. Guard your time (and creative space like a desk, or the kitchen table while you’re working at it) like Gollum with the One Ring. Keep those sneaky Bagginses away from your Precious. They’ll have their turn with your time later. Getting your family to understand why you’re protecting like this might take a lot of conversation (for at least a year, my mom seemed to have this uncanny ability for calling me while writing, but this doesn’t happen nearly so much lately because we’ve talked about the hours I’m usually at the keyboard), but hopefully they’ll be supportive and understanding in the end.

Set-up a rewards system

This is one that can be really tricky for me. I like telling myself “Oh, I won’t do X until I reach the word count!” buuuuuut I often go for “Oh, well, I reached Y. That’s good enough.” This month I plan on sticking to my goals a lot more, especially since I plan on taking so much. For me, it means no catching up on last night’s episodes until I reach word count. Or delaying that bit of desert until after the writing session. I find something to keep me moving during the writing sessions and push until finish.

Drink enough water/Have water on hand

Okay, this is a bit of an odd one, and something that might be just me. But when I’m really getting into the groove, I start getting thirsty. In order to eliminate this distraction, I have water near me. Some people prefer their coffees or sodas, but lately, I’ve been trying to keep down the sugars at the keyboard and make sure I have enough water. Plenty of water is supposed to be good, so it’s a win-win.

Remember, writing is supposed to be fun!

It’s on here twice because it’s that important. This came back to me full force during the NaNo Meet and Greet the other night. I hadn’t realized that I lost the fun there for a while, but I had. Stress of getting a project done can obscure the reason for getting to the keyboard in the first place. That makes me grumpy and winds up building over time. So, I’m thinking of making it part of my process to take a minute before each writing day to remember why I’m doing this. It’s not just that the story is burning up parts of my brain, begging to be put on the page. It’s not just that these characters want to talk. It’s not just that I feel that I have to. I write because telling stories is fun. Because I like getting something in front of a reader and getting them to laugh with me or curse me as the prose moves them. I write because creating is a joy that I don’t find anywhere else.

So, there it is, my list of small reminders to make my NaNo easier. You might discover that some work for you, you might realize that none of them do. That’s how it should be. Writing is different for everyone who approaches it. You wouldn’t expect two painters to describe the exact same process even if they paint similar pictures. In On Writing, Stephen King talks about filling up your own toolbox. It takes years, and hundreds of thousands of words to find the tools best suited for your approach. I’m still constantly shifting things, picking up new ideas and chucking them when they don’t work. Don’t be fooled, writing is a science like any other art. Trial and error are a big part of the process. Don’t be discouraged by the error parts. Remember, NaNoWriMo is about the fun and joy of creating a story. Deciding to take on the challenge is already a huge accomplishment. Be proud of whatever comes next. I know I can’t wait to see what we write in the next month!

Got any other tips or tricks you want to share? Feel free to comment below! Make sure to sign up for the 50k challenge at nanowrimo.org!

Demons and Dialects and Writing

Right, so recently I started the rewrite of Possession and Other Invitations. I’m taking the story slow this time and making sure to compile all the needed notes for things that–well most of this will never get a mention, but there’s something gratifying about being able to answer literally anything about my story and world setting. This doesn’t mean I’m writing every little thing down. I focus on crafting the world setting guidelines. See, with enough principles in place, knowing every detail is easily done and doesn’t actually take up that much headspace (which when you’ve got multiple worlds competing for brain power, simplicity is a mind saver).

I made a heinous mistake in my last draft of the book when I didn’t name the infernal dialect used by the demon in the opening scene. So, I started digging through what I knew about my world and researching languages. Since I was talking the other night to my friend about how I developed character and world together for Starfell, I thought I’d share a bit of my process on how world setting and ideas affected each other to establish a world setting rule in Possession and Other Invitations.

All right, first step in adding new world building–decide which rules are relevant. World settings are huge vast, things, and while most rules will interplay, it’s easier to start with the basic block and then build up from there. In this case, languages spoken by demons, the building begins with Belief = Power. The second being Low Level Psychic Fields Exist.

Those two rules affect nearly every decision made about the world setting and are the basis for the magic system in Possession. See, the idea is that the more something is believed, the more likely it is to be true. You get enough people thinking the same thing and it starts warping reality to that thing. The opposite is true, too. If too many people don’t believe in something, it gets nearly impossible. The magic system example I like to use is a fireball. People–even the wizards of the Society–don’t believe that magic fireballs are possible in our world. That shared thought/belief creates a psychic field which in turn helps the physics of the world stay in place. Okay, that’s something that gets harder, what gets easier? Well, there’s a lot more people believing in ghosts and the ability to talk to the dead. Get a room with the right people and the right mood and contacting the dead is like flipping a switch.

Okay, I’ve got to add in the rules The Spiritual Plane Is Linked To Our World and Belief = Greater Power in Spiritual Plane. While the Spiritual Plane exists on its own, it’s highly influenced by the world. In fact, Religions have enough psychic fields behind them to create realms inside the Spiritual Plane. Possession‘s world has a multitude of Heavens, Hells, Purgatories, Nirvanas, and other after-mortal-life areas.

How does all this affect language choice? Well, Religion is a cultural aspect (see another rule slip in there?) and culture is passed from person to person primarily through language. Language then becomes a part of that psychic field that has an effect on the Spiritual Plane. That part of the plane is influenced to adapt to the language component. So human languages are spoken in the Spiritual Plane. However, many people think that demonic/angelic/other worldly languages are going to sound different, which has also had power over how the denizens of the Spiritual Plane speak.

That all sounds a bit obtuse, doesn’t it? I’ll run through an example.

Catholicism is a large, multi-cultural, international religion. In modern era, masses are said in local dialects and the religion will take on cultural aspects from where it’s being practiced. But Latin is still an important language to the religion and is still used for some ceremonies. Latin helps bind a few of the bigger Catholic concepts (one God, redemption through Christ, Heaven for the saved, Hell for the unrepentant) and gives the large psychic field a strong foundation. So, Latin is spoken in those related Hells, Heavens, and Purgatories. In fact, the older a demon (or angel for that matter) is, the more likely it will speak a dialect of Latin–assuming it lives in one of those related realms. If it comes from, say, an older Lutheran realm, it’s more likely to know a dialect of German.

I say dialect because it won’t be exactly Latin. First of all, there is no exact. There’s a standardized version, but each place that speaks it will have variance. The same is true of the Spiritual Plane. Demonic dialects of Latin are going to snarl, hiss, and spit more than the standardized according to region. The specifics of their dialects are going to be based on region. So if there’s, say, Seven Layers of Hell, the First Layer is going to have differences from those demons in the Seventh. To an outsider, it’d be like picking out the difference between the Midwestern Illinois Dialect versus the Chicagoland Dialect. A lot of it comes down to word choice (like soda versus pop), but get someone talking long enough and you’ve got an idea of where they come from. A skilled exorcist, like Wes in Possessions, is going to need to be a linguist as well. While some basic chants will work, an exorcism is going to be more efficient if the demon is bound in its native language. That’s going to take some knowledge and a keen ear.

Knowing all of this is going to help me create a naming system, so that the next time I need to name a dialect, or hell to even know what language is important, it’ll be a bit of research and then bam! idea. Uh, this was also a glimpse into the insanity of how detailed my brain can get on a subject. Deepening world setting can be easy if keep asking ‘why does it work this way?’ That’s all I did here. Just a repetitive cycles of ‘whys’ until I understood Possession‘s world that much more. Thanks for reading. Got any interesting world building factoids of your own?

DestielCon

This last weekend I went out to Cincinnati, Ohio for–well, as the title says–DestielCon. I must admit that I felt a bit like I was sneaking in because while I adore Castiel and Dean separately, the Destiel ship has kinda sailed out of my fleet. I think that there’s a way it would have worked back in some seasons, but not in the recent ones. And I really don’t think that the Supernatural producers would ever let the show take the plunge–Anyway, this post is supposed to be about the lovely time I had and not the shitty parts of the show. So, *ahem* back to my con recap.

I got in on Thursday and was honestly glad I took the extra day to drive out. My route had like ten different construction zones, and traffic would have to slow up considerably. But hey, I made it without too much delay. Pre-reg for the convention was open that night, so after meeting up with a few people (thanks for doing that by the way!), I was able to get my badge and surprise gift since I’m a panelist. This was the fourth convention I’ve paneled at, but the first time I got a present for it (other than one of the attendees giving me a pretty origami piece at 221B). DestielCon gave us mugs with the con logo and year. It’s nifty.

Friday was a blast. There were a bunch of panels and I had the pleasure of sitting on two that day. The schedule went from 3pm until past midnight that night without a break. I think that’s one thing the con could actually improve upon–leaving one hour in the evening free from the discussion panels. I overheard a couple of times where people said “I don’t want to miss anything, but I gotta eat.” With the free hour, people won’t wind up missing anything and hopefully remember to do that important bit of eating. (Con life, sometimes you get wrapped up and forget a meal).

Late Friday night was karaoke. Someone got up to sing “Let it Go” and I cringed for about three seconds, until it turned out the song was only to the tune. The lyrics were completely different and that song was pretty awesome. Another two did a different version of “I don’t care, I love it” but it was “I don’t care, I ship it.” And then there was Deanmon singing “I’m too sexy” with Cain and Abbadon dancing to the lyrics in perfect synchronization. Pretty sure they didn’t practice that. All in all, an awesome night.

Up and down seemed to be Saturday’s theme for me. I submitted words to the writer’s workshop and yeah, that didn’t go what I’d call ‘well.’ Critiques are like that, though. If they go too ‘well’ then you’re either already some kind of insane perfect writing machine, or you’re not putting your material in front of the right people. Hell, even when I glanced at the words the night before, I figured that the next day was going to be rough. But sometimes you don’t know how to fix things anymore without clear, fresh eyes. And honestly, I got some of the same advice that I’ve been working on a lot in the last year. Besides all that, the first two hundred words of a story are hard. Nailing them alone is an art form. Yeah, I got stressed out after the critique, but it wasn’t just hearing about where the story was failing–I’d been getting psyched up for the con all week and I live alone so I’m not used to so much socialization anymore. In other words, stress levels were already pretty maxed out.

I also got to pitch my book Possession and Other Invitations to the visiting publisher that evening. It was a phenomenal experience, because, well, if you’d told me a year ago I’d get to talk with a publisher face to face I would have dropped over in awe. And the pitch actually went awesome–especially since this was the first time I’d ever talked to a publisher about my work. Don’t get too excited here. Wasn’t a ‘oh I want to buy this now!’ situation. But the advice boils down to ‘sounds like strong character arc, strong world, but that execution I got a glimpse of sucked.’ If I want a chance, I’ll have to rewrite the book. That’s a lot more hard work, but you know what? Some of the hardest–character and world–are fine at the core. It’s the writing that needs improvement and honestly, the day I stop trying to improve my prose is probably the day I’m dead (Cause there is no way I’m giving up on writing). Saturday wound up a little rough ’cause my brain was attempting too many calculations about the work and about how to change the book, but now that I’m a few days out? I’m giddy as hell. A publisher said I had interesting ideas. I can rip this story down to the foundations and rewrite. And I’m not going to be discouraged if I do all this work and don’t wind up getting published by them. The critiques set off a firestorm in my head and now that it’s over, I can see where the story had strength and where it was completely failing and I’m ready to give it another go. It’s going to be a stronger piece in the end and that’s the important part.

Heh, back to the convention. Sunday was another relaxing day. I spent the morning talking with Euclase and crap I forgot the darling girl’s name but you’re awesome, and then got lunch with Winjennster, and then more talking with Dori, then watching the fanart workshop for a bit (I’ve spent all my time with words and reading and roleplaying and video games. I barely know anything about drawing, and not enough to practice in public). Then I went over to the other panel on gender discussion. After that I got to sit on the Fandoms Unite and then Villains panel. Unfortunately I had to leave right after my panels ’cause I had a long drive home.

Leaving con spaces is always hard. Cons are these wonderful, peculiar liminal spaces. They are rituals of a sort–I’d have to dig out my textbook, but I’m pretty sure they fit the definition. I mean, you go to a specific place, at a specific time. There are clothing options specific to the space (in this case cosplay). It’s a celebration/worship of philosophy or at the very least of what the attendees consider important cultural products. The weekend is intended to foster community and creativity. Yeah, sounds like a ritual to me.

And this convention was so great. I’ve gotten too used to like the massive size of Dragon Con where you only get to know a handful of people if you’re lucky. Both 221B and DestielCon were much smaller and I had the chance to get to know people a lot better this year–which is a good thing since I usually wind up going to these gigs solo. I had such a great time and I can’t wait to go back again next year. I’d say I’m missing everyone intensely, but you’re all over my tumblr feed now. I feel like I just gained like two dozen friends ;)

Musings on Romance books

Okay, so over the last several months, I’ve made an effort to read more Romance novels because, well, when one wants to write in a genre, one should consider reading in said genre. Most of the books I’ve checked out have been in the gay romance category, though I’ve got a couple now that are firmly in the hetero category. I’ve started developing a list of pet peeves and things that I like as I read.

One thing I’ve noticed–there are way too many green-eyed protags in this line of fiction. I must have read at least twenty stories this year alone and I’d say that at least fifteen of them had one partner with green eyes. I’ll admit, if I hadn’t gotten into reading this genre so frequently, one of my own characters was destined to have that perfect, amazing shade of green. But since it really seemed to be all over the place, I switched it out for another color.

Another issue I’ve got: don’t ever reference women when the scene is male on male. I’ve seen it in a couple of works and I find the tactic damaging in a few ways. If I’ve chosen a story for it’s male/male potential, an analogy that includes a woman is jarring. Like, I understand that if the person identifies as male and so the description includes anatomy typically associated with women, but that’s not what I’ve discovered. Instad, it’s telling me about this guy with a cock feeling all flushed and exposed ‘like a maiden,’ or ‘soft like a woman.’ These references often happen when one character is submitting to another, or is the ‘catcher’ in the relationship–therefore reinforcing many of the stereotypes in the gay community and adding a flair of misogyny to the process. How is it misogynistic? By keeping firm to the idea that women belong in the non-dominant role in the bedroom.

There was one selection of heterosexual short stories that I read which almost turned me off from the genre. A majority of the women seemed to be waiting for the guy to complete her world and a couple of them glorified a relationship that did not see them as equals. (Sorry, if the guy has everything prepared and essentially ‘claims you,’ that doesn’t speak of much equality to me.) They didn’t even seem to really care so long as they got the guy and seemingly got to do what they wanted for the time being.

A positive that I’ve discovered is that I really do like this kind of fiction, when it’s done right. I’d read stories that had romantic elements to them before, but never really embraced the genre–outside of reading some Laurell K. Hamilton. I’ve become enamored of Josh Lanyon’s Adrien English series and I’ll keep reading in hopes of finding several others that I like as much. Seeing two characters flirt and fall for each other? It’s a thrill.

However, if the language usage or characters are too awful, even the flirting can’t save a book. I ranted earlier this year about Ally Blue’s Oleander House, and I’ve got another book to add onto the list: Olivia Cunning’s Double Time. This book’s apparently #5 in the series, but it’s the first I’ve read. I’ll give it points for not making me wonder too hard about the other books. Without looking online, I never would have realized that it was that far into the series.

Her style is very matter-of-a-fact, with far more sentences that are telling of the action than outright description. “Partner A did this and Partner B did that.” While the style isn’t the most engaging in the universe, most of her word choice is actually fine. I wish there were a few more emotions from characters beyond ‘wanting Trey’ or ‘wanting Reagen’ or ‘wanting Ethan’ or ‘so horny,’ but okay, it’s an erotic romance. There’s going to be plenty of wanting to sex it up.

The part that bothers me the most about Double Time is the portrayal of bisexuality. First, there’s Reagan thinking that Ethan was gay when she caught him with a man. Never mind that they had been dating for a long time, she sees him with a guy and just assumes gay. (Although a plot point I still can’t understand is why Reagan continued to have such a close relationship with Ethan after feeling so betrayed by him. I get that they’d be roommates stuck in a lease, that happens all over the place, but the cheating had wrecked the romantic relationship so completely that I can’t understand why he was still her best friend.) Yet Reagan’s assumptions aren’t the worst part of this.

See, Trey and Ethan are both bisexual males. That’s all fine, but it’s their need for having both a man and a woman. Neither is satisfied without getting their hands on both sexes within a given time frame. Despite Trey wanting to put Reagan first, he’s spent much of this novel complaining about how he didn’t have a man–first Brian, and then random other men, and then he got latched onto Ethan a little but only because it had been several weeks since he’d had a cock in him. Having one character be compulsive in needing to have both sexes is a trait/flaw, but the discussion of bisexuality throughout the book heads straight into the ‘bisexuals are greedy sluts’ trope. Since Ethan takes this up too (citing his need for men as the whole reason he cheated on Reagan in the first place), it sets up a unilateral belief that bisexuals must want sex from multiple genders all the time.

All in all, I was just sharing some thoughts about reading in the romance section of the library. Even though there were complaints throughout this post, I’m learning a lot about the genre and I wouldn’t stay in these books if I didn’t have a curiosity to see how the story turns out in the end. Anyone have some Romance novels to recommend?

Holy crap, I finished a draft!

I finished a draft recently and I’ve gotten really gushy about characters! Drafts can be a long, exhausting process. This one kicked around in my head for over a year before it was completely out in one long, full story. I must have started and restarted the first thirty thousand words nearly a dozen times before I had the characters situated the way I wanted, and even then they managed to surprise me. The trick was to keep sorting the pieces until they combined into the pattern I wanted to make.

I’ve seen some stuff lately (Okay, Supernatural producers) about ‘going where the story takes you.’ Well, if that were true, this story would have completely dead-ended last year and would never have finished. I’m often struck with ideas for character-driven plots, and they like running away in their own directions. And I like seeing where the characters will go. Wes Kingston–protag of the draft I just finished–can be a willful, stubborn loner. If he really got his way, there wouldn’t be a story ’cause everything would be neatly solved and life would work out perfectly for him. He wouldn’t have the exciting adventure, wouldn’t have stuck around and realized that his high school crush was available, and he wouldn’t have any chance for growth or change because a majority of characters are just like people–they don’t want to change. Basically there comes a point where I’ve got to figure out what the story is and remember that I’m really the one in charge.

I’ve discovered there has to be a balance, though, between character and plot decisions. As I was writing up Possession and Other Invitations (the working title of upcoming book), I had a moment that I really wanted in the text. I thought that would be the cool, awesome way to lead the story. I was certain that’s where the draft “was going.” That moment seemed like the flawless, right decision. However, I realized that plot point would significantly change Drew–the romantic counterpart–and he’d become a different person. Since I planned on creating a series with Wes and Drew as the center points, I decided that forcing Drew into that choice this early in the series was too harsh. I opted for a slow growth pattern for now, because it just makes more storytelling sense to me. In other words, the story stopped driving off on that path and followed the directions I gave it. The course-corrected plot makes much more sense in the long run too, and winds up having some cyclical action.

And I’ve fallen madly in love with the characters too. By this point, I know Wes and Drew probably better than myself (mostly ’cause I’ve invented Wes and Drew’s subconsciouses while mine is elusive to me). As I was going over cover-art ideas with my talented friend, we were digging into what Wes Kingston looks like and there’s a lot of his appearance that has to do with his personality and history. I realized that I could go on talking about him for hours–which shouldn’t be a surprise to me since I’ve already done that and written a book about the guy. Also, as we worked, surprising details came out. She asked me about his ear lobes–detached or not–and the decision that flew out of me was “Oh, attached. Otherwise, he would have had to pierce them.” Little decisions like personal dress are areas where I’m happy to trust the characters. While clothes can affect plot, those are things that are going to be unique to each character. Wes, for example, is always dressing in old clothes, somewhat worn, some a bit too big and that comes from his lack of funds and his lack of concern over his physical appearance. The man forgets to shower sometimes, he’s not really one for keeping his t-shirts pressed. On the other hand, Drew is immaculate. His shirts are high-quality, even on his days off. Everything fits him and worn clothes are reserved for yard work. Oh, and he’s the kind of person who totally has pajamas sets for cold weather but doesn’t bother in the summer—

See what I mean about being able to go on and on about them? That’s just a fragment of the thoughts that are running through my head about them. The longer I continue working, the more characters flit about in my headspace. Besides the ones from Possession and Other Invitations, I’ve got characters from Starfell begging me for an audience, and then others whose voices are only light whispers at the moment. I think that keeping in love with them is what’s going to carry me through the drafts and the edits and the publishing cycles. Their stories are ones I want to share with as many people as possible–and of course it’s up to me to decide how those stories go. I can’t wait.

Thanks for indulging my ramble. Anybody happening to read this, feel free to ramble in the comments about your favorite characters! Created anyone awesome lately? Fallen in love with a figment? What’s your favorite part about writing a story draft?

So I’m done reading Stephen King’s The Stand

Funny enough, this last week while I finished reading The Stand, I caught a common spring cold. Thanks to the powers that be I didn’t wind up getting swollen throat glands–I may have become a slight bit paranoid in regards to physical health. Of course, the amount of time spent on ensuring good health in The Stand is bound to make anyone a bit nutty (something I commented on last time, too).

Okay, so, I’m done reading. My verdict? Unless you’re a hardcore King fan, or a hardcore conspiracy or apocalypse fan, skip this title. You can see my review on the first two thirds of the book in my last post, so in this one I’ll focus on why the ending drew more of a negative response from me.

My first problem with the ending is that, despite having 1200 pages, the book has no central active conflict. Run through the ‘basic’ conflict structures (person vs person, person vs environment, etc) and each will have some representation. The main characters have some minor conflicts among each other, they have reservations about the supernatural dreams they’ve been having, they’re trying to survive various places, they’re trying to get the power back on, and in the case of Larry–trying to see himself as a better human being. However, none of these have a driving active element once they meet Mother Abigail. The only unifying theme is this ‘epic’ struggle of the Free Zone versus the Las Vegas group–a good versus evil set up. That plot becomes passive because the characters take no action to alter any events. Mother Abigail tells them to go, and not to take anything with them, and the four men (of course it had to be all men, despite Fran being part of the ‘important’ people of the Free Zone) accept this as God’s word. They undertake the journey because they were told to take it. That late in the novel, the characters should have had desires that pointed them in that direction. Instead, they’re cruising along, trying to get the Free Zone in order, a bomb explodes and then Mother Abigail gives an order. I didn’t feel that any of the characters had weight in their own choices, especially Stu and Ralph who were characters that pretty much did as the others suggested anyway.

Another problem is that the characters don’t take the opportunity to grow. A few of them get tiny new buds to their personality, but there’s no major alteration to any of them. Stu only becomes a slightly more talkative person, but he’s basically the same East Texan. Glen never shuts up about sociological ideas and still hesitates around ‘white magic.’ Larry struggles with how he sees himself the whole way through. The only two characters that have a seeable change is Leo, who returns to being a little boy and less of a feral potential killer, and Fran, who becomes more irrational as time goes on. (Oh, and Fran’s reasons are often seen by others and then herself as irrational rantings of a pregnant woman. Too much is blamed on her pregnancy.)

In fact, the book goes out of its way to make the point that even society doesn’t change–that the Free Zone is developing exactly along the lines that Glen Bateman predicted and may easily create the exact same problems of the old world within a few generations. Not exactly encouraging stuff.

I will remember the last scenes for years to come simply because I’m disappointed. Larry, Ralph, and Glen just all go ‘okay, ready to die for God ’cause I have faith in the old woman’ and Trashcan Man kills everyone with an atom bomb? All so that Randall Flagg winds up waking up somewhere else, becoming someone else, and starting all over again? If anything, the point of this novel becomes “the song remains the same.” While a totally valid point to make, it’s not one I find myself enjoying.

Add the unsatisfying ending to the problems I pointed out in the last post, and the book definitely joins my ‘don’t actively recommend’ list. Besides the paranoia of health, I did pick up a few ideas about how to write characters who have so much built in hate. As a writer, I think that’s the one really good lesson to learn from The Stand. Some characters simply hate that much.

The next books I’m reading are The Mists of Avalon and The Twentieth Wife. One of the two will be next week’s entry. Happy reading and writing!

So I’m reading Stephen King’s The Stand…

Stephen King’s The Stand is an extremely long book, even before they went back in and added even more pages. I’d read through a series of shorter novels and decided to tackle this mammoth because it comes up in horror reading lists (as most King books do). I’ve read Misery, Salem’s Lot, Dead Zone, and the short story “The Colorado Kid” before, and usually like King’s work. (The final scene of Misery will always terrify me). I’m two-thirds through The Stand and I have to admit, I’m on the fence about this one. Like any work, this one has its strengths and weaknesses.

In my review of Oleander House, I pointed out that one of the most important aspects of a horror novel is atmosphere. As readers, we need to be drowned in the book’s reality in order to keep us turning the pages. The Stand does exactly that. While the novel labors for hundreds of pages about the plague that is taking out mankind, the effect is profound. I’m sure I’m not the only reader who’s gotten a little buggy about flu or cold symptoms while reading it.

Even this late point of the novel, there’s not much rhyme or reason as to why certain people were spared from the flu. It wiped out so many people and not everyone who survived the infection continues to live. Survivors have died from other causes–there’s a whole chapter about how a series of people we meet only once in order to watch them die. Though it drags the pace of the novel down, this is once again done for effect. A reminder that survivor does not mean immortal nor brilliant (since some of these die from very preventable reasons).

So far, I’ve got two major problems with novel: lack of diversity and the misogyny. As far as I can tell, a majority of the people spared from the super-flu are white. The good guy camp has three notable characters of color–Mother Abigail, Ralph, and Joe/Leo. (When it comes to Joe/Leo, we are constantly reminded about his Chinese eyes… over and over and over. As if the reader can’t be trusted to remember that particular detail about Joe/Leo). Otherwise, the characters are white, white, and white. Women versus men proportions seem to be nearer to equal than some texts. So far though, I haven’t seen any signs of an LGBT+ character. We do hear about Mother Abigail’s age and how that inhibits getting around, and we have seen how Nick Andros struggles with his deafness and muteness in this apocalyptic world.

Right now, the good guys are pretty much in easy agreement with each other. They don’t argue much about what needs to be done–perhaps because they’re all too similar. The disagreements tend to be camp versus camp, and they haven’t even met.

The misogyny is laced in so many ways–from the obvious Harold Lauder’s possessive ideas about Fran Goldsmith to the minor details, like a male character ‘screaming like a woman.’ Some of this can be attributed to the timeframe written—at least, I’m willing to blame the ’70’s culture King was writing for (Despite the couple of updates done over the years to the time frame of the story, the overall prose reflects the original writing era more than later ones). However, that doesn’t mean I have to swallow it down without saying something. The micro-aggressions are still present in modern day American cultures, so seeing them isn’t a shock, just annoying. At some point, it’d be great that the micro-aggressions would be harder to find than equal representation.

While The Stand has several women in the main cast, each one relies heavily upon men. The women of the story are subject to internalized misogyny–some of them at least. Nadine Cross, for example, places a heavy importance on her virginity. It seems one part story element and one part cultural obsession. The ‘dark man’, as Nadine thinks of Randall Flagg (many others do too), has apparently been this presence in the back of Nadine’s mind her whole life. She has been saving herself for this stranger because her virginity is of importance to him. The Stand has a strong evil versus good plot that King frames in Christian terms–and it’s no secret that Christianity has long put the emphasis on virginity (and I know they’re not the only ones. It’s simply the most relevant to this work).

On a reflective note, the societies developing at this point in the novel remind me of Asimov’s Foundation series. The First Foundation focuses on technological advances (the “hard” sciences) while the Second Foundation pursues societal achievements, which includes psychic abilities. The Stand‘s two societies don’t follow perfect suit. Both groups are rebuilding their technologies, but the approach is different. For the Flagg camp, they have their solitary, charismatic leader who is driving his people into technological assets. in Boulder, they look to push for a ‘democratic’–how democratic is it when certain leaders decide they’re the ones who should keep leading?–council and they keep their focus on surviving. Mostly, the reminder of Asimov is something about how the groups talk about each other, and probably a just me thing. It feels like an echo across a canyon instead of an inspired connection.

One more thought: The character of Glen Bateman has a habit of long talks about the nature of how society works. Or, as he put, it worked. Honestly, I wind up glazing over most of these speeches. They still have some reflective value for today’s society workings, but I wonder why Glen has to go on for so long, or for so long in the middle. The speeches drag the pace of the chapters to a halt in an already slow paced work.

Anyway, those are my rambling thoughts. I’m hoping to like the book more than I do at the moment, but I’m not seeing too much hope for it. However, I’ve got to admit, I know it’s had a change on me. One of the characters, Harold Lauder, spends so much time on his hate. He’s become one of those little reminders that I wanted to let more of those negative thoughts go from my mind. So now I’m making an effort of letting go of some of that hate and anger that gets backlogged. You never know what you’ll learn from reading a book, huh?