K.M. Updike's Blog, page 18

So tonight I let my hair out free and walked out in the s...

So tonight I let my hair out free and walked out in the sunset, to the wheat field. I listened to the birds and the sound of the silence when the wind's not blowing.And I thought about growing up here. How I was glad. With all its troubles, with all the things gone wrong, with all the loneliness and the emptiness and things so far away you can't reach them,I am glad. Because so many other things have gone right.Dawna says change is in the wind, and I can feel it drifting in, closer with each time she says it.Maybe it's the yearning for new places, new beauty, and yet the hanging on to all this beautyI already have, and why should I go searching for new beauty when I have all this here? Sometimes I think I don't enjoy it like I should.It seems these summer days are slipping past my fingers, just brushing the tips so fast I can't get a hold of them.Seems like I can't catch the breath of this beautiful summer, and already they're yearning for autumn.Tonight the wheat is mine, and the sunset, and the sky, and it's like what Laura Timmins says to Fisher Bloom, "I've seen these fields in the blackest thunderstorms, and in more sunshine than we have a right to deserve."And now I'm bound to leave it sooner than I wish, when all wished was to leave it. I thought I deserved much when I only deserved little, and yet, I have a whole wheat field down my lane.

How I fell in love with farmland {pt.4} The Basement

This night really didn't need a post all its own, but then again . . . Yes, it did, because it was the kind of evening I had DREAMED of having again with the Browns! Even though they weren't all there and two-thirds of our family were 500 miles away, we had the kind of "best evening ever" I always wanted again. And Laura was there. 
It all started with a simple game of Dutch Blitz. But suddenly in the midst, five points away from someone winning, the game blurred out focus and we all became interested in how flexible the arms and legs were of various people in the room, doubled joints and who could stand on their head, or how to do a bridge. Alas, that craze was over too soon before I could grab my camera, but Josh and Peter were splendid at standing on their heads!
And somehow it all meandered over to the Foosball table and the game was on.

You should see them Browns in action!

Even dear friend Laura! I could not believe her mad Foosball skillz!

I love their brothers. Peter just talked like he'd known us forever and we'd just always been there. And I was glad cause boys like that don't know how it makes you feel to treated as if you've been known forever.

And Grace on the Foosball table? *whistles low* Ya'll better keep hands and fingers clear.

Joshy! Where's all your blonde hair and where did you get that deep voice? When did you get taller than me? Why do people have to grow up? You make me laugh. Thanks for being a fourth brother.

Sista pictures! Pay attention, Hannah.

Grace...Grace. Focus, Grace.

There! Brilliant! Smiles and laughter!

And a perfectly lovely one.

Laura, I have just as many crazy pictures of you and me on my phone, but I've no way to get them off. But they're lovely and crazy, and you're awesome.

And the races commence.

The two competitors decide on a grasshopper race! They line up, ready to take off.

While Laura looks on from the sidelines...

And they're off, running neck and neck, stretching to reach the finish line!

I don't know who won, but it made for a hysterical fit of laughter afterwards!

And then they set upon a brilliant idea!

A hopping race and Peter joins in while Josh shoots Nerf at them from the sidelines.

There they go!
And Laura and I sit blithely on the sidelines watching the fun!

Taking the Nerf as it comes! Brave statues, stalwart as soldiers!

It's sooo scary, though!!

Then Blind Man's Bluff. Yes, there was no handkerchief so Hannah put on an orange hat and went looking for everyone. Here's a little video of the night.



And I kept thinking it was like being a kid again where there's nothing that kids do but laugh and play games and just love being with people you don't see that often. Thanks for the precious night, Browns. Thanks for all the memories. Thanks for being friends. Thanks for being kids again with me. Thanks for being there.

How I fell in love with farmland {pt.3} The Cutlers

Out in farmland Nebraska, the highways are straight and curve very little, and you won't travel a mile without a cornfield out your window or an old white farmhouse. With trees so tall and full, it makes you think they've been growing there since the farm first began.

To touch an old house and feel its stories seep right through you. I could barely keep myself in the car as we drove along those quiet farm roads. How much the old walls have seen. Baked in hot suns in the drought while cornfields wilted, weathered and braving an unbroken land, and storms that wiped a man's dreams from his heart.

How many tears have you borne? How man souls have you sheltered from winter and watched them grow?

Oh, this country. And I loved it. Loved it as if my soul had filled right up with it and couldn't hold it all. I did not want to leave it behind and this world of green, and trees along the rivers, and farmers.

For now, I love it more than our wild golden prairies. And I wish I could have succumbed to their silent plea for me stay forever.

We went to the Cutler's after the graduation. And Laura said from the driver's seat, "You'll love the Cutler's house."

 And there is no unearthly reason why I didn't. Yellow and gabled and beautiful. Rockers on the porch, complete with a fluffy gray cat. I wanted to stay, to know a place such as this, cause I never had.

 A drive filled with welcoming people, happy and free. And you weren't afraid of 'em and their strange new faces. Not a one.

You wanted to consume them, to take in all that they were.Their new, fresh voices, breathing out laughter and smiles. I could have listened all day if there hadn't been the promise of spending time with Laura, Grace & Co.
 And Maddie was sweet. Like Mrs. Cutler. Small and red haired, with friendly smiles, and ready to tell you God was good, always had been. Congratulations on your graduation, Maddie!

 And right out back, just over a slip of lawn and a few trees, the cornfield. Nothing sprouting yet, and Mr. Cutler may have been planting in a different field this year, but by now it's probably knee high by the Fourth, and clean up to your shoulder!

 She had a cute, cute photo booth.

 With hats and play pistols and handkerchiefs. We all took pictures there which are sadly lacking in this post! I will find one soon! Thank you, Isabel, for taking them!

 All of Maddie's many accomplishments! She's done so many things.

 And of course a game of football/ultimate!

 Mrs. Brown chatting with friends, and Mrs. Cutler. And there's that dear girl I love...

 Grace said she loves Isabel's hair. And watching her sitting there, curls and red all flowing, I loved it, too.

Mr. Cutler's got a happy, deep voice, and it's southern and welcoming, and you have to laugh when he laughs. And he and Mrs. Cutler just were. I never saw them together, but they were. You hear people's stories and you see them, and watch them, and you just love them. I revel in the glory of just being able to love at all. And what better things to love on this earth than people? With all their scars and wounds, cracks in their soul, self-inflicted or hurt by others, there isn't anything else more important to love.

How I fell in love with farmland {p.2} The Graduation

The next morning was graduation day! The day we'd come for. We got up and Mrs. Brown showed me how to cut pineapple, and we made a tray of fruit and had some yummy breakfast blueberry cake. You should have seen us all surrounding the kitchen to pray. And Hannah and Tim got in the night before and surprised us by being earlier than previously thought!

We all rushed around getting ready afterwards. I had a new dress and it needed a ridiculous amount of ironing before I deemed it presentable. So Laura, lovely person that is she, set up the ironing board for me, and I'm sure I was at it for twenty minutes or more.

But we all got ready on time, though Mrs. Brown, Mr. Brown, Grace, and the boys had to leave earlier. The rest of us ladies, complete with two Hannah's, left later with the boys. We met Lizzie at the church for graduation.

It was this whole, huge place, filled to the brim. Thirty graduates from that area alone! And our lonely Dakota ones are small in comparison . . .

With live musicians, too! We don't have those either! It was so neat to see such talented young people around.

Master of Ceremonies.

Class speaker.

Special Guest Speaker. He is a Colonel in the Navy. Loved hearing him speak.

The lovely choir sang lovely songs, of which Josh and Grace were both a part of.

Then came the graduates. In alphabetical order, across the stage, one by one as a blessing from their parents was read. Grace looks so lovely and happy, her parents so proud. How did she grow up so fast? Just a small little thing when we first met, now she's all grown up and going off to college.

It's such a bitter sweet feeling. Ending something, but going on to something so grand and new.



Class of 2014! And yes they threw hats, complete with one late one. There were skittles and pretzels and water served afterward.

Looking over Grace's board and signing her book.

It was so clever I wish I had thought of it ;), she had people sign a book from childhood. So neat. Quite necessary if one loves books as much as we do, right, Grace? ;)

Beautiful sisters! Alas, there were none with Liz! Goodness, I just want to hug them all!

Hannah and Grace. And Grace, the one of me and you is accidentally lost because quite frankly my hair has seen better days and it is too ashamed to appear on this blog. I love this one of you and Hannah, though. Sweet friends. I don't want to ever forget our friendship. Let's not grow up any more, okay? It's all so perfect now. I always wonder why good things end. Perhaps because there are better and more perfect things yet to come?

the first of the strawberries & a fairy house

 Ethan picked the first strawberries this week.
We've had so much rain! Everything is so green and wholesome.
We're on to our second mowing already. Joseph said our lawn has never looked this nice.
I've been itching for a project all spring.
Something to fill summer days when I haven't anywhere to go.
So Dawna and I decided we should set about beautifying our yards and house.
We picked fairy houses.
We have plans for a really big one somewhere, to do together, that requires more planning
and super creative sisters like I have.
But I kind of woke up one morning with an idea and worked away while everyone was industriously helping mother dear in the garden.



 It started with a door, and digging through all of Mama's craft boxes, green and yellow paint.


At first, all I had was a door. And when I couldn't figure out how to put it on a tree, I found some hemp and went to work on a rope ladder.


You should never worry about things you can't figure out right that second when you're on a spurb the moment . . . moment. Just move on to your next source of inspiration and it will all come to you.


A friendly little finch made her nest right atop the roof, and I think it completes it. For I do believe this particular fairy is an animal fairy. She will take care of all the little animals when they are hurt or sick.


Daddy helped me with the little front porch and getting it up there and drilling holes so the wood wouldn't split. It tickled me that he wanted to help with a fairy house.


And yes, a fairy can very well fly up to her front porch without having to climb the ladder. But you see this particular rope ladder is for the occasion a friendly beetle or hedgehog might just happen to drop by and visit the fairy, whoever she might be.


I do not know who is exactly yet, or even if one has moved in yet, or if I'll ever see her. But she'll be there soon in any case and I'll know. I probably will not see her, but where's the believin' in them if you do?

How I fell in love with farmland {pt.1}

It all started with a phone call last summer. Grace picking the date for her graduation. And we said we were coming, because of course if it means Grace, then it means Laura and Liz, and this time the whole Brown family. We said we were coming! So we planned and there were Pinterest boards and giddy feelings and hoping, wishing and saying we were coming! And we did come! Hannah and I loaded up the car and took off. Well, in reality, first we got the brakes turned on our car and then we took off a few days later. Buzzing along the two lane country highways and jabbering all the way, snacking on candy, and really just hanging in there because we seriously could not believe we were getting to do it!

I'd seen all this area many times before driving to Grandma's house. But with all this excitement and sister and all this music to listen to, sleeping was not an option. Toi time. And a snapping I did go.

This was only to be the beginning of the red barns I would see. The first half of Nebraska looks much the same as where I'm from. Rolling cattle land with gold grasses and very few trees. But the deeper in you go, farms come into being.

The first night we stayed with Grandma. She bought a watermelon, but it was too mushy inside. And the closer we came to the Brown's, the more beautiful and lovely farms became. And old silos, like this one.

And the farmland, just bold and enduring out there, everywhere. Some farmers were just beginning to plant, others had their seeds in the ground already. Like the Browns' cousin, and he'd had frost and worried about his crop.

We stopped by the Capitol in Lincoln on our way. They have revolving doors there. Green ones. And fourteen floors and the most beautiful murals.

Yup. We loved it.

And, really, I had no idea the Browns lived where such farms were. There's a great white church in the middle of the corn fields, and it's where you turn when you're heading to their place. They get to see it on their way home. Laura said it's the perfect place for a wedding. And yeah, you know me, white churches with tall steeples out on the prairie are my one weakness. They look like something from long ago when the land was just beginning and the corn roots new.

She came running from the front door, Laura did, and we did what we always do, what is common among Browns and us. The long, wonderful, tight hugs. :) The tall boy met us at the door. The one, last time I saw him, was only just my height and far more blond than he is now. And there was Peter with his hair slicked back. Phil, sounding like his dad.

 Her brothers stretch long and tall, like one of mine, though the others are catching up. And Peter is like Ethan, only in a shorter version. When Grace got home, and there were more glorious hugs and the sweet girl, I hadn't seen her in years, we did what usually spices up the Pinterest boards and makes our mouths water for just looking at them. We baked. Homemade pizza and Hannah and Grace made dessert.

Right in the midst of it, I remembered to toss that camera strap over my neck, and I stood in the whirl of the kitchen, just off to the side, watching. Laura made tapioca. From the same recipe we use. Though it was quite soupy, we didn't mind.

 We had a midnight snack, after we watched Cora and Call the Midwife. Tapioca and blueberries. Laura said her mom knew she'd eat up all the fruit in the house if she could.

You know you've been shopping and there are friends at your house when the grocery bags are abandoned on the kitchen floor for more enjoyable stuffs of life.

Melissa was there. And we met her. She came with her girl and boy to see the kittens. The precious kittens. The Brown boys love her kids. I loved that about them.

This is the view from the kitchen window, and in those trees the creek winds low and muddy. It's the view from the first scene in Pride&Prejudice, they said. And I agreed.

Melissa stayed. She helped fold laundry. I liked her, and all her lovable blunt-ness. She was at peace here, among Browns and cornfields. She loved them, the Browns. And she loved them cause they didn't mind her being blunt.

Fresh bread on the counter means you need to thaw some butter on a plate and getting out the cutting board, and open the jelly. Cause fresh bread on the counter means nothing else. Had my first slice of homemade wheat bread in years. Melissa said, "Now THAT is a picture!" when she saw me hovering over counter and bread. She couldn't have been more right.

And of course when you bake and there's a kitchen full of girls who are best friends, you laugh. You listen to music, and you love each other. Grace came up behind me and put her arms around me. How did she know I loved that?

I'm afraid I did very little that day, except take pictures and listen to everyone. But there was so much life here, and I could stand around watching it.

Raw Blueberry Vegan Bars. Delicious.

Yeah, and you know what this means, don't you? You precious person!

Laura in her element. Bustling from one side of the kitchen to the other. Never seen her in her home like this. Baker, cook, and homemaker if ever I saw one. There's so much in her I love.

Phone calls midst the dinner activity.

Kneading pizza dough. And it's the recipe we used to use. You can tell our families are friends, can't you?

First time I've ever seen pizza cut with scissors. Phil cut it. We had salad and all this delicious homemade pizza, and you know you're in a home when you have homemade foods, and the sons all pass by the oven and ask if that's the final timer. You gotta get your pizza around here. Next time I went back, the pans were empty, but I just kept thinking how like our house it was. Hungry boys and all.

You know, you can take all the pictures you want, but it's all the little things not captured on camera that count. You can't capture how happiness feels. Or laughter. Or being with a family you've grown up with. It's a strange feeling, as if you've been there all your life, and were never really ever far apart for so long.

Joseph - 2014

So big lil bro graduated on Saturday. It didn't really hit me till later when we were having the party. Still can't believe it really. He is one amazing boy, though. Here are just a few pictures. Love you, bro.
 Yup, he sure was a chunko!

A blondie, too. :)

 Him and his lil bro. Watch out there, Joseph. He's gonna catch up to you one day.

 Bear Country USA.

 Fishing.
 Kitties!

Epic sword play. He read Lord of the Rings when he was 11. 

 Track meet. His last year he got all first places.

 Senior year. I got me one handsome bro.

 Counseling at camp.

 House Page.













Congratulations, Joseph! You worked so hard these last few years. I watched you persevering and studying and being a man through it all. You're an artist, you're intelligent, you're kind and you're a gentleman. I value that above everything. I can't thank you enough for the times you've made me feel loved and protected. Thanks for sharing all your musical finds with me and for singing so loud in the mornings you woke me up. You're one incredible brother.
Love, me

Spring and puppy dogs

 There's been some spring cleaning projects going on around here these days!
Our cats have been all disoriented with furniture not in their rightful places and all.
Pictures and stories soon to come!
Our lilacs have leaves again! It's green spring here, so much grass growing up beneath the old golden colors of last fall.
My puppies have been loving the bright warm sunshine and are often seen napping on the front lawn.
Here's a pretty spring sunset and adorable pups to keep you company.