Juliet Cook's Blog, page 93
October 28, 2017
October 26, 2017
And Another New "Fuck Cancer Poems" has found a new home!
Htiek Murdnal received his copy of the new Blood Pudding poetry chapbook, "Fuck Cancer Poems" by Michael Grover!
Get your own copy from the Blood Pudding Press shop here - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress
Get your own copy from the Blood Pudding Press shop here - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress
Starting to Release the Guilt...
No matter what you're aiming for (mentor, friend, acquaintance) and what genuine impression you try your best to offer another, I think that people who are aiming to use you for their own benefits, power trips, mind games or abuse, don't really care whether you're in a relationship or not, plan to do what they can to get what they want from you anyway, and then will try to convince you that YOU gave the wrong impression or that it was somehow YOUR fault - or that it was just something that happened and it's no big deal and you're making too big a deal out of it and/or misinterpreting the situation and you should just keep it to yourself.
It has nothing to do with you lacking anything in your relationship. It has more to do with the abusive/abuse-of-power person not really giving a fuck what your relationship means to you and wanting to use you for his own reasons, while just ignoring your relationship and/or acting like it has no real credibility, because in his mind/his plan, it doesn't.
Regarding a man who took advantage of me, I had made a point of casually mentioning in advance that I was in a relationship, so that he didn't accidentally perceive us getting together as some sort of a date or some sort of potential for physical activity. He casually said, "its really just good for me to get out. Having someone to talk to about writing stuffs is good, too."
So I assumed we were both on a similar page, regarding why we were getting together.
After the unexpected happened, I confronted him about it (via email, the next day), admitted my discomfort about the situation and told him I felt like I must somehow accidentally give the wrong impression just by being myself. I also told him he had accidentally left his long sleeved shirt at my house. I guess I was thinking that maybe the sudden physical power dynamic had been an accidental mistake on his end too, and that he would be embarrassed, and that he would apologize.
All I got in response was this - "Well, just let me know a morning besides tomorrow I can pick it up this week...things happen in my opinion, but it would be nice to have the sweater back. Not trying to be a jerk either, but don't think there's really anything else to say here."
Part of my brain tried to convince myself that I did something wrong, but even if I accidentally did, I didn't tell him to get on top of me. I don't think letting a man in my home and sitting right next to him, talking to him and getting excited about the conversation means I'm hitting on him or offering some sort of sexual innuendo. Personally, I don't think it's a matter of carelessness or naivete so much as me being overly trusting. I like to believe that people mean what they say and are interested in other people for real, genuine, caring, considerate reasons.
And as far as my own guilt about how I shouldn't have let it happen or should have done more to stop it? Well, why should that be looked upon as being the responsibility of the people that unexpected, unsavory things happened TO rather than the people that instigated the unexpected, unsavory things? Oftentimes, when something unpleasantly unexpected happens, I don't know the best and safest way to react. Especially if the situation involves physical contact with a body double my size. Part of me felt that if I reacted strongly AGAINST the man, it would escalate the physical part of the situation more strongly against ME. Also, I don't always know how to interpret the unexpected right away, and then afterwords, I wonder if I'm misinterpreting it - and it takes some time, effort, and mental energy to process and decide how I feel and how to react.
Maybe some people would prefer it if we spent our mental energy blaming ourselves instead of questioning their questionable behaviors and/or abuse of power.
It has nothing to do with you lacking anything in your relationship. It has more to do with the abusive/abuse-of-power person not really giving a fuck what your relationship means to you and wanting to use you for his own reasons, while just ignoring your relationship and/or acting like it has no real credibility, because in his mind/his plan, it doesn't.
Regarding a man who took advantage of me, I had made a point of casually mentioning in advance that I was in a relationship, so that he didn't accidentally perceive us getting together as some sort of a date or some sort of potential for physical activity. He casually said, "its really just good for me to get out. Having someone to talk to about writing stuffs is good, too."
So I assumed we were both on a similar page, regarding why we were getting together.
After the unexpected happened, I confronted him about it (via email, the next day), admitted my discomfort about the situation and told him I felt like I must somehow accidentally give the wrong impression just by being myself. I also told him he had accidentally left his long sleeved shirt at my house. I guess I was thinking that maybe the sudden physical power dynamic had been an accidental mistake on his end too, and that he would be embarrassed, and that he would apologize.
All I got in response was this - "Well, just let me know a morning besides tomorrow I can pick it up this week...things happen in my opinion, but it would be nice to have the sweater back. Not trying to be a jerk either, but don't think there's really anything else to say here."
Part of my brain tried to convince myself that I did something wrong, but even if I accidentally did, I didn't tell him to get on top of me. I don't think letting a man in my home and sitting right next to him, talking to him and getting excited about the conversation means I'm hitting on him or offering some sort of sexual innuendo. Personally, I don't think it's a matter of carelessness or naivete so much as me being overly trusting. I like to believe that people mean what they say and are interested in other people for real, genuine, caring, considerate reasons.
And as far as my own guilt about how I shouldn't have let it happen or should have done more to stop it? Well, why should that be looked upon as being the responsibility of the people that unexpected, unsavory things happened TO rather than the people that instigated the unexpected, unsavory things? Oftentimes, when something unpleasantly unexpected happens, I don't know the best and safest way to react. Especially if the situation involves physical contact with a body double my size. Part of me felt that if I reacted strongly AGAINST the man, it would escalate the physical part of the situation more strongly against ME. Also, I don't always know how to interpret the unexpected right away, and then afterwords, I wonder if I'm misinterpreting it - and it takes some time, effort, and mental energy to process and decide how I feel and how to react.
Maybe some people would prefer it if we spent our mental energy blaming ourselves instead of questioning their questionable behaviors and/or abuse of power.
October 25, 2017
Yet Another New "Fuck Cancer Poems" has found a home!
Drew Coomer received his copy of "Fuck Cancer Poems" by Michael Grover (appearing next to his copy of "Rasputin: A Poetry Thread Anthology")!
Acquire your own copy of "Fuck Cancer Poems" here - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress
Acquire your own copy of "Fuck Cancer Poems" here - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress
Another New "Fuck Cancer Poems" has found a home!
Dan Denton received his copy of the new "Fuck Cancer Poems" poetry chapbook by Michael Grover (Blood Pudding Press, 2017)!"Michael Grover has been a friend, a brother, and a poetry teacher/mentor to me for the past couple of years. I’ve watched cancer pretty much kick his ass a few times. I’ve seen him at some pretty low spots in his fight with the big ‘C.’I’ve also had the pleasure of watching Mike throw a few punches of his own in that battle. Today I got this in the mail. I couldn’t be more proud of him for writing this, and grateful that Blood Pudding Press published it.You can order your own copy here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPressThanks Mike. Fuck Cancer!*footnote* my buddy Craig Firsdon designed the cover"
GUILT
Slight guilt for not putting anything up related to #MeToo. I told myself it was because I don't like jumping aboard a group bandwagon, which is largely true about me and a lot of things - but which is not quite as relevant when it comes to things that are emotionally challenging to share and so if a lot of people share their experiences, then that might encourage others to reveal their own emotionally challenging experiences.Guilt because even though I consider myself a fairly strong, genuine, and openly expressive person for the most part, I have been too weak to share an emotionally unsettling experience I had a few years ago.Guilt because one of the main reasons I haven't shared it is because every time I think about it, the guilty part of my brain tries to convince myself that it was probably my fault.My fault for trusting too easily. My fault for being too vulnerable, because I don't want to believe how many people are fake or manipulative or users or aiming for whatever the fuck they are aiming for, however they can get it.My fault for believing that a man who acts like he wants to hang out with me and talk about poetry really does just want to hang out with me and talk about poetry. My fault for letting him into my home to continue our poetry conversation. My fault for choosing to trust a man I barely know, getting all excited and talkative about poetry, drinking and giggling and then somehow accidentally giving the wrong impression, and then ending up with a man crushed on top of me.I used to like the part of myself that was honest, openly expressive, and trustworthy that others were honestly expressive too - but in recent years, I feel like me being me has led to quite a few unintentional and semi-embarrassing mistakes.I feel like a lot of friendship is fake, and so I was excited about the prospect of connecting with a new, seemingly genuine poet friend in my general area, but ultimately it ended up further crippling my trust of others, as well as my own self-worth, as well as my trust of getting the right impression from anyone or giving the right impression to anyone.Often, I feel like I have no idea what anyone genuinely thinks about me.Often, if someone compliments me or says something positive about me, I don't even know if it's true, if that's how they really feel, or why they're saying it.Often, I feel like I don't even know what friendship MEANS to most people.Often these days, I feel like it would take me less than one hand's set of fingers to count the number of friends I have that feel real, genuine, and authentic.Maybe it's partly because I'm tired of accidentally trusting the wrong people and then having my trust nailed into silly smithereens.Other people misinterpret me, but also I seem to misinterpret others, or not know how to interpret things when they first happen or not know how I should react.I want to be an open minded and trustworthy individual, but maybe I have no idea who to truly trust, or else why would certain things have happened.
October 24, 2017
The First New Review of the New "Fuck Cancer Poems" by Michael Grover (thank you to Christina Brooks)!
A new book review written by Christina M. Brooks of the new "Fuck Cancer Poems" poetry chapbook by Michael Grover (Blood Pudding Press 2017):"I've never cried thru a book of poetry before but I did with this one. And I still feel teary writing this review. I know the poet personally. Michael is a good friend and has been a staunch supporter of my own poetry from day one. It does make me sad that he is struggling with cancer. And I don't know how long he will be with us. But reading Fuck Cancer Poems that wasn't what brought the tears. What brought the tears was the very penetrating, real writing in it.Michael has a very rebellious spirit... he sometimes comes off as gruff and combative with people and he has paid a heavy personal cost because of that. But underneath that exterior is a very perceptive, battle weary poetic warrior. His writing has a clarity you don't see very many places or hear from many people anymore. And I think it was that clarity, and the very raw, personal character of these poems that hit me so deeply. I felt these poems. They aren't just about his personal battle with cancer... but a keen eyed look at "cancer" in its other forms too.Anyway, Thank you Michael Grover for writing these.. and thank you Juliet Cook for publishing them. And thank you to Craig Firsdon for the cover art.And though they will probably make you cry I highly recommend this book."***
Thank you very much to Christina Brooks for this wonderful review.
Anyone interested in acquiring their own copy of "Fuck Cancer Poems" can get it from the Blood Pudding Press shop here - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress
Thank you very much to Christina Brooks for this wonderful review.
Anyone interested in acquiring their own copy of "Fuck Cancer Poems" can get it from the Blood Pudding Press shop here - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress
Another Photo of Another Copy of the New "Fuck Cancer Poems" by Michael Grover (Blood Pudding Press 2017)
Charles Cicirella received his copy of the new Blood Pudding Press poetry chapbook, "Fuck Cancer Poems" by Michael Grover!
Get your own copy from the Blood Pudding Press shop here - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress
Get your own copy from the Blood Pudding Press shop here - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress
October 23, 2017
Another New Photo of "Fuck Cancer Poems" by Michael Grover (Blood Pudding Press 2017)
John Burroughs received his copy of the new Blood Pudding Press poetry chapbook, "Fuck Cancer Poems" by Michael Grover!
(Appearing in this photo, next to collections by Molly Fuller and Dan Smith. Thank you to John for sharing his photo).
Get your own copy from the Blood Pudding Press shop here - https://www.etsy.com/listing/560564955/new-fuck-cancer-poems-by-michael-grover?ref=shop_home_feat_4
(Appearing in this photo, next to collections by Molly Fuller and Dan Smith. Thank you to John for sharing his photo).
Get your own copy from the Blood Pudding Press shop here - https://www.etsy.com/listing/560564955/new-fuck-cancer-poems-by-michael-grover?ref=shop_home_feat_4
