Juliet Cook's Blog, page 111
September 24, 2016
Sometimes I worry that even though I FEEL like I have dep...
Sometimes I worry that even though I FEEL like I have depth, maybe I'm not expressing my own depth to the extent that I think I am. Maybe I just FEEL the depth, but it's mostly stuck inside my own head and the stuff that comes out is basically just repetitive.
September 21, 2016
Queen of Cups Issue Nineteen (Juliet Cook and The Hierophant)!
"I replaced brains with hearts then wanted to rip my heart out,
then thought about pouring another heavy dose
of sweet cream into the latest small bird coffin."I'm quite excited to have three of my poems appearing in this week's Queen of Cups!Thank you very much to editor Sarah Sousa for choosing these three poems - "Everyone Handles Death Differently", "House of Her Cards" and "Batter Up".HERE- http://tinyletter.com/QueenofCups/letters/queen-of-cups-issue-nineteen-juliet-cook-and-the-hierophant
***
(At first I thought it seemed odd that the card drawn for me was The Hierophant, but this interpretation of that card makes sense to me - "The appearance of this card can also point to a problem you are having with all of the above, your inability to conform to institutional demands and follow a pre set program, and your disinclination to give up freedom and individuality for the benefit or a larger group".In fact, that description seems to fit especially well with my "Batter Up" poem, whose content largely derived from sometimes feeling as if even nontraditional realms, such as poetry land, sometimes seem to feel like some sort of semi-institutionalized circle jerk of a side taking, cake flinging popularity contest, whereas I have no intention of taking any one side of any one chair.)
then thought about pouring another heavy dose
of sweet cream into the latest small bird coffin."I'm quite excited to have three of my poems appearing in this week's Queen of Cups!Thank you very much to editor Sarah Sousa for choosing these three poems - "Everyone Handles Death Differently", "House of Her Cards" and "Batter Up".HERE- http://tinyletter.com/QueenofCups/letters/queen-of-cups-issue-nineteen-juliet-cook-and-the-hierophant
***
(At first I thought it seemed odd that the card drawn for me was The Hierophant, but this interpretation of that card makes sense to me - "The appearance of this card can also point to a problem you are having with all of the above, your inability to conform to institutional demands and follow a pre set program, and your disinclination to give up freedom and individuality for the benefit or a larger group".In fact, that description seems to fit especially well with my "Batter Up" poem, whose content largely derived from sometimes feeling as if even nontraditional realms, such as poetry land, sometimes seem to feel like some sort of semi-institutionalized circle jerk of a side taking, cake flinging popularity contest, whereas I have no intention of taking any one side of any one chair.)
September 19, 2016
September 17, 2016
September 16, 2016
The New September flock of Thirteen Myna Birds has arrived!
"The flowers may never be well again - Cold fronts enter spring - Glances become knives - your name branded on my mind among fields of cotton candy suicides - Mountains of snow in my head - bloated in the sweltering sun - enshrined among - the vacuum of space or the vacuum within - used for drawing blood"
The NEW end of spring/beginning of fall Thirteen Myna Birds flock has arrived! Offering new poetry by Tonya Eberhard, James Croal Jackson, Jameson Bayles, Daniel G. Snethen, and Devon Balwit (and two older poems still remaining by Louise Robertson).
HERE - http://13myna.blogspot.com/
The NEW end of spring/beginning of fall Thirteen Myna Birds flock has arrived! Offering new poetry by Tonya Eberhard, James Croal Jackson, Jameson Bayles, Daniel G. Snethen, and Devon Balwit (and two older poems still remaining by Louise Robertson).
HERE - http://13myna.blogspot.com/
I'm not (cl)aiming to be animalistic
(Whatever animalistic even means, since not all dogs are the same, not all cats are the same, and not all animals can be lumped together).In any case, some people seem to feel that humans are ultimately animals, with an instinct to propagate and compete for their own animalistic gains.
I don't live inside anyone else's brain, so I can only speak for myself, in terms of instincts, thoughts, feelings, and drive.
I'm driven to create, but I'm certainly not driven to create offspring.
Have I ever in my life wanted to propagate? No. In fact, the idea of getting pregnant/giving birth/having kids has always grossed me out. So propagation is not an automatic instinct or a natural drive for everyone.
I have an ongoing sex drive, which has alternated over time (partly based on experience, partly based on hormonal flow) from mentally focused to extremely physically focused to in-between the two. Even when I had an extremely high sex drive that was strongly physically focused, I was never drawn towards strangers based on their looks. It's not that I didn't like looking at various people (men and women) and finding them visually appealing, but I had no desire to get physical with someone just based on what they looked like. Even when I masturbate, I'm rarely visualizing a specific face or body. I'm visualizing what a man is saying to me and doing to me.
I care about the way I look and I enjoy other people finding me attractive, but I much more strongly enjoy being found visually attractive AND appealing/stimulating on a more in-depth level too. On a unique individual brain-based level, involving the way I think. I wish someone thought I was uniquely special on multifaceted levels, and if some guy was just into me because of how I looked (or simply because I had a vagina), that would lose its appeal very quickly. People who are easily drawn to others predominantly based on looks are probably drawn to lots of different others and who wants to be one of that pack. Not me.
I got myself unexpectedly upset yesterday by reading a new poetry chapbook by a woman, in which the poems all seemed to be implying that women are dumb, women are shallow, women are lacking in depth and don't really care, women are mean and cruel and vicious and secretly hate other women, women are competitive with other women, women are prone to stealing from and attacking other women, women don't really care about anything other than themselves and looking good and being the one in control. I think (I hope) this collection of poems was purposely intended to be enraging and make people angry and upset, but it really upset me in a non-enjoyable way, causing me to wonder/worry what if a lot of women really feel this way, because I sure don't.
Am I hard to please because I'm not sure what could possibly ultimately satisfy me? Yes. Am I brimming with mixed feelings? Yes. Do I have a jealous streak? Yes. But I don't lash out because of it. Do I have a competitive streak? Yes to a certain extent, but I don't purposely work against others for my own gain.
I have no desire to hurt anyone else in order to get ahead or win - or to hurt anyone else for no particular reason at all. I have no desire to cause anyone else pain or heartache or suffering. It's hard for me to handle my own emotions and I have no desire to control or purposely screw around with anyone else's. I have no desire to knock anyone down in order to rise above them or to steal or to lie or to do anything fake.
I have no desire to compete in a fake, false sort of way in a fake, false sort of world.
I want all my emotions, thoughts, feelings and behavior to be real . Not part of a prize fighting game. Not part of a dog fighting blood bath that ends in death.
Even though humans are animals, I'm not the kind of animal who would bite or tear or break or eat another creature into pieces in order to be on top or in control.
I don't want the kind of control that involves competing, ruining or destroying someone else.
It's not that I'm denying certain animalistic cravings, but mine don't involve crushing other animals or fucking any animal I can get and then ripping it apart and eating it and finding a new one.
I don't live inside anyone else's brain, so I can only speak for myself, in terms of instincts, thoughts, feelings, and drive.
I'm driven to create, but I'm certainly not driven to create offspring.
Have I ever in my life wanted to propagate? No. In fact, the idea of getting pregnant/giving birth/having kids has always grossed me out. So propagation is not an automatic instinct or a natural drive for everyone.
I have an ongoing sex drive, which has alternated over time (partly based on experience, partly based on hormonal flow) from mentally focused to extremely physically focused to in-between the two. Even when I had an extremely high sex drive that was strongly physically focused, I was never drawn towards strangers based on their looks. It's not that I didn't like looking at various people (men and women) and finding them visually appealing, but I had no desire to get physical with someone just based on what they looked like. Even when I masturbate, I'm rarely visualizing a specific face or body. I'm visualizing what a man is saying to me and doing to me.
I care about the way I look and I enjoy other people finding me attractive, but I much more strongly enjoy being found visually attractive AND appealing/stimulating on a more in-depth level too. On a unique individual brain-based level, involving the way I think. I wish someone thought I was uniquely special on multifaceted levels, and if some guy was just into me because of how I looked (or simply because I had a vagina), that would lose its appeal very quickly. People who are easily drawn to others predominantly based on looks are probably drawn to lots of different others and who wants to be one of that pack. Not me.
I got myself unexpectedly upset yesterday by reading a new poetry chapbook by a woman, in which the poems all seemed to be implying that women are dumb, women are shallow, women are lacking in depth and don't really care, women are mean and cruel and vicious and secretly hate other women, women are competitive with other women, women are prone to stealing from and attacking other women, women don't really care about anything other than themselves and looking good and being the one in control. I think (I hope) this collection of poems was purposely intended to be enraging and make people angry and upset, but it really upset me in a non-enjoyable way, causing me to wonder/worry what if a lot of women really feel this way, because I sure don't.
Am I hard to please because I'm not sure what could possibly ultimately satisfy me? Yes. Am I brimming with mixed feelings? Yes. Do I have a jealous streak? Yes. But I don't lash out because of it. Do I have a competitive streak? Yes to a certain extent, but I don't purposely work against others for my own gain.
I have no desire to hurt anyone else in order to get ahead or win - or to hurt anyone else for no particular reason at all. I have no desire to cause anyone else pain or heartache or suffering. It's hard for me to handle my own emotions and I have no desire to control or purposely screw around with anyone else's. I have no desire to knock anyone down in order to rise above them or to steal or to lie or to do anything fake.
I have no desire to compete in a fake, false sort of way in a fake, false sort of world.
I want all my emotions, thoughts, feelings and behavior to be real . Not part of a prize fighting game. Not part of a dog fighting blood bath that ends in death.
Even though humans are animals, I'm not the kind of animal who would bite or tear or break or eat another creature into pieces in order to be on top or in control.
I don't want the kind of control that involves competing, ruining or destroying someone else.
It's not that I'm denying certain animalistic cravings, but mine don't involve crushing other animals or fucking any animal I can get and then ripping it apart and eating it and finding a new one.
September 15, 2016
NEW Reality Beach Issue Three!
The NEW Reality Beach Issue Three includes "Mangled Is Still Alive", an individual poem by Juliet Cook (which you can read and listen to Cook read), "Defenestration Below Ground", a collaborative poem by Juliet Cook and j/j hastain, and oodles of other strange creative powers for you to partake of!Thank you very much for the creative flow of Reality Beach.Partake of the new Reality Beach Issue Three!
***"Mangled Is Still Alive" - http://realitybeach.org/issue-three/cook/"Defenestration Below Ground" - http://realitybeach.org/issue-three/hastainandcook/ALL of REALITY BEACH ISSUE THREE - http://realitybeach.org/issue-three/***
The collaborative poem "Defenestration Below Ground", also appears within j/j hastain and Juliet Cook's NEW full length poetry book, "A Red Witch, Every Which Way", available from Hysterical Books HERE - http://www.hystericalbooks.com/#!product-page/cl84u/1a2d7e83-4bef-31d5-09e1-3326ee271c09
***"Mangled Is Still Alive" - http://realitybeach.org/issue-three/cook/"Defenestration Below Ground" - http://realitybeach.org/issue-three/hastainandcook/ALL of REALITY BEACH ISSUE THREE - http://realitybeach.org/issue-three/***
The collaborative poem "Defenestration Below Ground", also appears within j/j hastain and Juliet Cook's NEW full length poetry book, "A Red Witch, Every Which Way", available from Hysterical Books HERE - http://www.hystericalbooks.com/#!product-page/cl84u/1a2d7e83-4bef-31d5-09e1-3326ee271c09
Whore
These thoughts derived from a facebook post of mine last night, about Thirteen Myna Birds getting too many sex-focused poetry submissions from men, in which the female characters basically just boil down to being holes filled with emotional trauma rooted in the men. (It derived from a comment under that post, which mentioned prostitute writing lessons, armed with a yard stick to slap unwanted advances).
I'm not sure what prostitute writing lessons are, but the words prostitute and yard stick slapping in rather rapid succession caused me to think of this Whore song I recently listened to/watched the video of. I like the song and the video, BUT it also brings to my mind a long lasting, continually ongoing (maybe to the point of semi-clichéd?) gender-based response/reaction that I have mixed feelings about, in which women visually whore-themselves up by choice, in order to stand out to the type of men who see women as whores and then the women take advantage of/or screw up/ or control those men, in one way or another.
Whore-themselves up is an overstated description that I'm using because of the song title/video.
But it does seem like a lot of women will purposely over-sexualize themselves, appearance-wise, as a sort of visual proof that they're in control of their own body and style. (Reading this over again one day later, I'm not exactly sure why I used the word "oversexualize". Women choosing the way they dress/look isn't usually a sexualization sort of thing. I guess I'm not sure what it is and where the stylized appearance focus comes from. I guess it comes from lots of different places)
I've done it myself, but sometimes I wonder why are we trying to prove ourselves VISUALLY? And what are we trying to prove?
When I've done it, there have been times when it really does cause me to feel more powerful and in-control, but I'm not sure WHY. I mean, I can understand wanting to be in control of myself, but what does that have to do with my appearance? What do sexy looks have to do with power and control? What do dominant/submissive looks have to do with power and control, outside of the sexual realm? Is it because sometimes we don't feel like we're in control sexually (and otherwise) and so we want to visualize ourselves in a way that makes us feel like we are and makes others see that we are, because it's right there in everyone's face (whereas they can't hear what's inside our heads)?
Yes we can choose our own attire and makeup and hair style (well some of us can), but it's not like we can choose and completely control our own body type and facial appearance, other than modifying it with diet and exercise or taking it to even more of an extreme with cosmetic surgery. I'm not strongly for or against any of those things (I have my personal feelings, but I think it's an individual choice) - but then there's the fact that some people don't have the privilege of being able to make as many choices along those lines. As in, poor people (income-wise) would have a much harder time affording healthy food and other aspects of controlling their own body, choosing their ideal hair or makeup or attire and so forth. So is appearance oriented control more of a middle-class and above sort of option?
I'm just sort of thinking/wondering out loud.
Wondering why so many expressions/perceptions of women are looks-based. Men's perceptions of women, women's perceptions of other women, women's perceptions of themselves. Women trying to impress men, women trying to impress other women, women trying to impress themselves, in terms of what they look like. Women trying to take control and power by making up their faces and dressing however they choose.
Of course people should be able to dress however they choose for whatever reasons they choose (and of course dress style and personality type should not be equated to being a whore or asking for it or anything of the sort), but sometimes I wonder what the reasons are. Do we even necessarily know?
I understand why my choice of attire and makeup appealed to me so much when I was younger - because when I was still a teenager who didn't have my own individual space or lifestyle yet, the way I chose to look felt like one of the only ways I could stand out and be myself. But why do I still care so much about my looks now? Why is standing out visually still important to so many adult women? Do we wish we were models? Models for what reason? Models of what?
I do still think of my looks as a creative expression of myself, at least the parts of my looks I can take some control over and make my own choices about, such as attire and hair style and makeup. I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing to express myself that way and choosing to stand out however I choose to.
But I think it becomes trickier when we wish we had standardized model (or standardized sexy) faces or bodies, in order to stand out and when we feel drawn to conform towards the sort of appearance that is seen as attractive by others (men, celebrities, fashion magazines, or even porn magazines/movies). It's like wanting to stand out by fitting into ideal mainstream sensibilities. It's a contradictory mess. And I'm sure as heck not immune to it. I'm a contradictory mess about it too.
My looks are still a part of myself I feel like I can take my own chosen control over, but that won't last forever. I think those of us who tend to be looks-based are bound to have a harder time with naturally aging. Because if we're mainstream looks-based, then we lose some of our appeal as we lose some of our hair color and skin texture and other youthful features of our appearance.
Back to the Whore song/video linked to below, as previously mentioned, I do find it visually appealing and interesting in various ways. But it also causes me to think (maybe intentionally, maybe not) about the ongoing side-taking power structures where so many people seem to feel like they have to take a side to be in control. So men lash out at women, women lash out at men, women lash out at other women, we lash out at who we disagree with, we lash out at who we don't understand, we group things together instead of trying to individualize them.
The S&M attire and style of this video is also visually interesting to me, but also causes me to wonder about if S&M and other kinky sexual fetishes are more of a middle-class and above proclivity too, and causes me to wonder why one person always feels drawn to be in control of (or be controlled by) the other - unless they regularly alternate between controlling and controlled.
Here's the Whore song video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GurkREc-q4I
***
And here are the first 8 lines of the first poem that will be appearing within the new September flock of Thirteen Myna Birds ("I Am I" by Tonya Eberhard), coming this Friday!
"The flowers may never be well again.Wrapped in pearls and rain, someodious presence still lurks, more than willing to suck the water from its roots, pluck off its dress skirts one by one. I may never be well again. Paper-thin, one-dimensionalin an all too-terrifying world."
I'm not sure what prostitute writing lessons are, but the words prostitute and yard stick slapping in rather rapid succession caused me to think of this Whore song I recently listened to/watched the video of. I like the song and the video, BUT it also brings to my mind a long lasting, continually ongoing (maybe to the point of semi-clichéd?) gender-based response/reaction that I have mixed feelings about, in which women visually whore-themselves up by choice, in order to stand out to the type of men who see women as whores and then the women take advantage of/or screw up/ or control those men, in one way or another.
Whore-themselves up is an overstated description that I'm using because of the song title/video.
But it does seem like a lot of women will purposely over-sexualize themselves, appearance-wise, as a sort of visual proof that they're in control of their own body and style. (Reading this over again one day later, I'm not exactly sure why I used the word "oversexualize". Women choosing the way they dress/look isn't usually a sexualization sort of thing. I guess I'm not sure what it is and where the stylized appearance focus comes from. I guess it comes from lots of different places)
I've done it myself, but sometimes I wonder why are we trying to prove ourselves VISUALLY? And what are we trying to prove?
When I've done it, there have been times when it really does cause me to feel more powerful and in-control, but I'm not sure WHY. I mean, I can understand wanting to be in control of myself, but what does that have to do with my appearance? What do sexy looks have to do with power and control? What do dominant/submissive looks have to do with power and control, outside of the sexual realm? Is it because sometimes we don't feel like we're in control sexually (and otherwise) and so we want to visualize ourselves in a way that makes us feel like we are and makes others see that we are, because it's right there in everyone's face (whereas they can't hear what's inside our heads)?
Yes we can choose our own attire and makeup and hair style (well some of us can), but it's not like we can choose and completely control our own body type and facial appearance, other than modifying it with diet and exercise or taking it to even more of an extreme with cosmetic surgery. I'm not strongly for or against any of those things (I have my personal feelings, but I think it's an individual choice) - but then there's the fact that some people don't have the privilege of being able to make as many choices along those lines. As in, poor people (income-wise) would have a much harder time affording healthy food and other aspects of controlling their own body, choosing their ideal hair or makeup or attire and so forth. So is appearance oriented control more of a middle-class and above sort of option?
I'm just sort of thinking/wondering out loud.
Wondering why so many expressions/perceptions of women are looks-based. Men's perceptions of women, women's perceptions of other women, women's perceptions of themselves. Women trying to impress men, women trying to impress other women, women trying to impress themselves, in terms of what they look like. Women trying to take control and power by making up their faces and dressing however they choose.
Of course people should be able to dress however they choose for whatever reasons they choose (and of course dress style and personality type should not be equated to being a whore or asking for it or anything of the sort), but sometimes I wonder what the reasons are. Do we even necessarily know?
I understand why my choice of attire and makeup appealed to me so much when I was younger - because when I was still a teenager who didn't have my own individual space or lifestyle yet, the way I chose to look felt like one of the only ways I could stand out and be myself. But why do I still care so much about my looks now? Why is standing out visually still important to so many adult women? Do we wish we were models? Models for what reason? Models of what?
I do still think of my looks as a creative expression of myself, at least the parts of my looks I can take some control over and make my own choices about, such as attire and hair style and makeup. I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing to express myself that way and choosing to stand out however I choose to.
But I think it becomes trickier when we wish we had standardized model (or standardized sexy) faces or bodies, in order to stand out and when we feel drawn to conform towards the sort of appearance that is seen as attractive by others (men, celebrities, fashion magazines, or even porn magazines/movies). It's like wanting to stand out by fitting into ideal mainstream sensibilities. It's a contradictory mess. And I'm sure as heck not immune to it. I'm a contradictory mess about it too.
My looks are still a part of myself I feel like I can take my own chosen control over, but that won't last forever. I think those of us who tend to be looks-based are bound to have a harder time with naturally aging. Because if we're mainstream looks-based, then we lose some of our appeal as we lose some of our hair color and skin texture and other youthful features of our appearance.
Back to the Whore song/video linked to below, as previously mentioned, I do find it visually appealing and interesting in various ways. But it also causes me to think (maybe intentionally, maybe not) about the ongoing side-taking power structures where so many people seem to feel like they have to take a side to be in control. So men lash out at women, women lash out at men, women lash out at other women, we lash out at who we disagree with, we lash out at who we don't understand, we group things together instead of trying to individualize them.
The S&M attire and style of this video is also visually interesting to me, but also causes me to wonder about if S&M and other kinky sexual fetishes are more of a middle-class and above proclivity too, and causes me to wonder why one person always feels drawn to be in control of (or be controlled by) the other - unless they regularly alternate between controlling and controlled.
Here's the Whore song video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GurkREc-q4I
***
And here are the first 8 lines of the first poem that will be appearing within the new September flock of Thirteen Myna Birds ("I Am I" by Tonya Eberhard), coming this Friday!
"The flowers may never be well again.Wrapped in pearls and rain, someodious presence still lurks, more than willing to suck the water from its roots, pluck off its dress skirts one by one. I may never be well again. Paper-thin, one-dimensionalin an all too-terrifying world."
September 3, 2016
"A Red Witch, Every Which Way" next to a fetal baby skull!
The new collaborative full-length poetry book, "A Red Witch, Every Which Way" by Juliet Cook and j/j hastain, published by Hysterical Books.
In Darryl Shupe's space, next to his fetal baby skull.
Anyone else who acquires this 100+ page book of bloody oddities, if you send me a photo of the book in your space - or in your yard - or next to your face or wherever else you want to place it, then I'll post it. And if I get enough photos, then I might create a special album of these photos. :)
The book can be acquired here - http://www.hystericalbooks.com/#!product-page/cl84u/1a2d7e83-4bef-31d5-09e1-3326ee271c09
Or here - https://www.amazon.com/Red-Witch-Every-Which-Way/dp/0940821044
(Send your photos to Julietcoo@gmail.com)
August 31, 2016
Happy Last Day of August! Maybe you'd like to partake of Satan's Gravy?
The translucent baby was geared toward
his right eye, aiming to turn itself red by jamming its proboscis into
his Conjunctiva, then his Cornea, then his Pupil. Just before it dove in,
it screamed out in the shrill voice of an insane substitute teacher,
“You’re my pupil now!
You’re my pupil FOREVER!”
A few lines from "Satan's Gravy", a hideous collaboration by A.S. Coomer and Juliet Cook, appearing within FLAPPERHOUSE
partake of more HERE - https://flapperhouse.com/2016/08/31/satans-gravy-poetry-by-a-s-coomer-juliet-cook/
his right eye, aiming to turn itself red by jamming its proboscis into
his Conjunctiva, then his Cornea, then his Pupil. Just before it dove in,
it screamed out in the shrill voice of an insane substitute teacher,
“You’re my pupil now!
You’re my pupil FOREVER!”
A few lines from "Satan's Gravy", a hideous collaboration by A.S. Coomer and Juliet Cook, appearing within FLAPPERHOUSE
partake of more HERE - https://flapperhouse.com/2016/08/31/satans-gravy-poetry-by-a-s-coomer-juliet-cook/
