Larada Horner-Miller's Blog, page 40
June 16, 2019
Why Celebrate Father’s Day?
Having just returned from the Colorado State Square Dance Convention in Pueblo, Colorado, I choked back a tear or two and felt a little nostalgic about the influence my Dad had on my life. Father’s Day is a day to celebrate our dad’s, so I wanted to share some of my fond memories.
My cowboy Dad loved his wife, his children, his ranch and friends. My brother and I inherited the ranch my grandfather put together—the place my Dad worked his whole life. I just returned from a drive around the ranch with my brother in the early evening looking for wildlife. I feel a special connection to Dad any time I’m standing on a ridge overlooking the canyon or eyeing a windmill he put in many years ago. Dad is everywhere on that ranch for me, and it happened again tonight.
Dad left a small souvenir all over the ranch—wrapped up baling wire for hay bales that he tied in a certain way and pitched out the truck window. We have tried to gather them up over the years, but a stray one appears, and I smile.
Yes, Dad loved this ranch, but another couple of his passions were dancing and storytelling, and I inherited both of them!
Dad and Mom met dancing, and it continued to be their main hobby until he couldn’t dance anymore. They danced to many of the big bands in Raton, New Mexico—a Catholic priest brought these famous bands to town, and the folks were on the dance floor—the cowboy donned a suit and boots and danced the night away. They glided across the floor as smooth as any other couple. During this time, they danced to the bands of Tony Dorsey, Benny Goodman, and Glen Miller for sure, but I bet there were others.
It wasn’t until I took round dance lesson after Dad died, I learned that he did the Foxtrot instead of Country two step—that was so surprising to me, but he loved big band music, and he danced many a mile to them, so they influenced his dance style.
He had a special step he did in his jitterbug repertoire; he
said he stumbled one night when he was drunk and liked it so much, he kept it.
Mom and I tried to reconstruct it after he died, but we couldn’t, so that dance
move died with him.
When I was growing up, Dad was our 4-H club square dance
caller, and he loved to teach people how to square dance. For a couple years we
took two squares to Fort Collins, Colorado for the state competition. We never
won, but we had a lot of fun.
He also liked teaching folk dances. Dad and I did the
Jessica Polka to any polka played at a local dance. He taught us “Put Your
Little Foot” or the “Varsouvianna,”
the “Lily Marlane,” the “Schottische,” and many others.
In this video, Cal Campbell explains the origin of the “Varsouvianna.”
This is the music I grew up to doing
the Schottische:
Because of my family’s interest in dancing, I learned to country swing in the 80’s. One time, I came home with my newest move—the snake. Dad and I moved to the kitchen, I grabbed his hands and whipped him around, and his old shoulders shouted at him and then he at me! He couldn’t move like that anymore, but he wanted to, more than ever.
My Dad’s other passion was storytelling and he was an expert. Many guests sat around the round table in our dining room at gatherings and listened to his tales. He told stories of growing up in a small country town in the 1920’s, the depression with the lack of tires and life as a rancher during the World War II. He had asthma, so he couldn’t go to war, but he told about working on ranches around the area for cattlemen whose sons did go. Dad got to know the parents of his buddies during this time by working with them–what stories!
Dad told stories of a time and an era long gone—helping Mose Russell drive a herd of horses from southeastern Colorado to Cimarron, New Mexico. He often talked of horses; he had two horse accidents to share. The life of a rancher never has a dull moment, so he spoke of cattle incidences and the wonders of his life—mother nature was his God, and he told of glorious sunsets and miracles with a hard birth for one of his favorite cows.
Dad’s health declined, and death came quickly—in August 1995 things changed, and by January 1996 he died.
“. . . he progressed to the point of not being able to talk—his lips moved to form words but they just wouldn’t come out, and his left hand curled up in a ball.
A Time to Grow Up: A Daughter’s Grief Memoir
His intense, frustrated glaze locked in on me. His frightened eyes searched mine for the words. Sometimes I finished his sentences; other times I had no idea what he wanted to say. He struck the table with his clenched fist, more desperate each time it happened.”
Yes, he could no longer speak, and his stories ended; the last time he danced at our school gym to celebrate his 75th birthday, he gasped for air and couldn’t finish a complete circle around the floor. Every once in a while still, when the music is right, I can almost do his favorite move, but I haven’t yet!
When I come face-to-face with Dad in the hereafter, I’m sure the first thing we do after shedding a few tears and a bear hug is a glide around the celestial dance floor, doing his move once more and laughing and enjoying the beat of the music! And then he will tell me his favorite story once more, starting with “remember when . . .”
Check out my web site at https://www.laradasbooks.com
FATHER’S DAY SPECIALS GOOD UNTIL
JUNE 24, 2019: 25%
off of 2 BOOK BUNDLE: This Tumbleweed Landed & When Will Papa Get
Home? paper copies. The men in your life would love these two books. Visit
my Etsy Shop, Larada’s Reading Loft, to purchase my books.
Would you like to join the Marshall
Flippo Fan Club Facebook page? Read snteresting posts about Flippo’s life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/328325644382769/
Do you want to pre-order the
Marshall Flippo biography? Go here to order the version you want. Monthly SWAG
Giveaways! https://goo.gl/forms/4D4hwbHdme1fvJc42
The post Why Celebrate Father’s Day? appeared first on Larada Horner-Miller, Author.
June 9, 2019
Why Listen?
How do you rate yourself as a listener? Is it important? Is your listening muscle atrophied because you’ve never exercised it? Have you ever even thought about the importance of listening before? Is it a learned skill?
About fifteen years ago, I realized a key to relationships—listening.
Whenever I was with friends, we would exchange the normal niceties, and I began
experimenting. I hesitated after asking them how they were and heard their rote
response of “Fine.” What I found out: if given time, space and interest, they shared
extensively about what was important to them. I felt like I had uncovered an
important fact: people like to talk about themselves, and it’s better to listen
than list your life’s joys and woes. I experimented with this concept for
several years, and it worked. I knew more about key areas of interests of my
friends, and I felt closer to them. They appreciated my interest in them and
their lives. I saw a depth in relationships I had never seen before this
practice.
After I had this realization, I did a major career change: I
moved out of the middle school classroom and became an Instructional Coach. Now
my focus would be to support teachers in their classrooms. It felt big and
overwhelming, but my interest in listening prepared me for this support role.
At the first gathering of new Instructional Coaches, I made
the conscious choice to hang back and listen—not fill the air with my talking.
Again, this focus on listening paid off—I watched the dynamics of the group,
and immediately I saw I needed to listen to the experienced Coaches and learn
from them.
I received amazing training as an Instructional Coach called
“Cognitive Coaching” which focused a large part on open listening to someone. I
learned the importance of my stance, posture, position of my arms and eye
contact and how these affected how people communicated with me—basically active
listening.
In our training, we had ample practice time, and repeatedly,
I saw these techniques pay off in the exchange with someone. It confirmed what
I had been experimenting with for years—the importance of listening, but I
added to my repertoire tools that have assisted me over and over again.
This focus on listening was different posturing for me—my dad
identified me as his “Talking Daughter.” I had talked my way through most of my
life. His favorite story about me talking happened on our family trip to
California when I was ten. This was in the early 60’s—pre-air conditioning in
cars. We arrived in Phoenix, Arizona in June in the extreme heat and wondered
how we would make it through the desert ahead of us in this horrible heat.
[image error]The desert landscape!
Dad decided to wake us up early the next day and go through
the desert in the cool of the night–yeah, right—driving through Gila Bend in
June. My mom, brother and sister quickly fell back asleep, but I was wide-eyed
and excited about California looming in the distance. I sat between Mom and Dad
up front, straining to see the desert as it passed by. Dad said I talked
non-stop, and I can still remember seeing the desert etched in the darkness and
then the early morning light. I had never seen saguaro cactus before and their
silhouettes stood ominous in the dawn. He often said my talking kept him awake
and alert, so it was a Godsend.
That became a favorite memory of Dad’s, and I loved his
retelling of it and his nickname for me, so I continued most of my life talking
your leg off!
As I matured and realized the power of listening, I
consciously gave up the “Talking Daughter” stance and moved to become an active
listener.
Another place I’ve learned about listening is in twelve step
meetings. For an hour, we listen to other’s share their life stories. If we get
the opportunity to talk, it’s usually between two – five minutes, so the majority
of my responsibilities at a meeting lay in my ability to listen and take in
what someone else is sharing and feeling and relate to their pain and growth.
Often, I’ve heard, “God gave us two ears and one mouth, so
we should listen twice as much as we talk.” As a result of these meetings, I’ve
realized the importance of listening and paying attention to what people say.
Today we are bombarded with information overload and outrageous
visual stimulus. Often, I see a family sitting around a table in a restaurant with
eyes glued to the screen of whatever electronic gadget they have. Not only are
they not talking—no one is listening!
[image error]My Dad on His Favorite Horse, Rusty!
As I look back over my life, I realize I received listening
training early, but never thought about it before. Often our after-dinner
activity centered on storytelling. With
a cigarette and a cup of coffee in hand, Dad entertained us with stories of his
childhood, driving a herd of horses to Cimarron, New Mexico with Mose Russell
and other delightful tales that mesmerized me. My only job then: sit in awe and
listen to his stories and soak up a history that I love to recount today.
So, what do you think? Is listening an important skill? What
are your listening skills like? Do you ever think about the power of listening?
Or are you rehearsing your response to someone in your mind and lending half an
ear to what people are saying? Let’s talk about listening!
Check out my web site at https://www.laradasbooks.com
FATHER’S DAY SPECIALS: 25% off of 2 BOOK BUNDLE: This
Tumbleweed Landed & When Will Papa Get Home? paper copies. The
men in your life would love these two books. Visit my Etsy Shop, Larada’s Reading Loft, to purchase my books.
Would you like to join the Marshall
Flippo Fan Club Facebook page? Interesting posts about Flippo’s life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/328325644382769/
Do you want to pre-order the
Marshall Flippo biography? Go here to order the version you want. Monthly SWAG
Giveaways! https://goo.gl/forms/4D4hwbHdme1fvJc42
The post Why Listen? appeared first on Larada Horner-Miller, Author.
June 5, 2019
Hyphenated Me
Two last names
One since birth
One since 2011
Horner-Miller
Is it a dash?
Is it a hyphen?
A space between me
That woman
Who needed
Who wanted
BOTH!
I may be small
in stature
but I need a big name
to contain me.
Every time I write my name
I embrace its length
And celebrate.
I live in that space between
A spectrum
Or
A continuum
Horner is my heritage.
Rancher stock
Adventurers
Who chose the plains
Of Colorado and New Mexico
To heal their
Son’s tuberculosis
Who chose something
Different than
Tulsa, Oklahoma
And family close
Who chose the ranching life
A radical difference
Than their
Oklahoma life
Miller is my choice.
My dear husband
Whose name covers me
With his love and shelter
Whose name aligns my
Scattered parts together
Whose name sounds
Like life to my aching heart
A marriage at 59 years old
The one to my soulmate
Friends before the vows
Today I live between
Horner
And
Miller.
A large name for
A large life
I didn’t plan
When I hyphenated!
Three other marriages
Taught me to hold
Onto me!
I just knew it was right
The space between
The link between
Two worlds
Horner
Ranch
Country Girl
Miller
New Mexican
Writer
I’m complete!
Hyphenated!
Copyright©2019 Larada Horner-Miller – www.laradasbooks.com
The post Hyphenated Me appeared first on Larada Horner-Miller, Author.
June 2, 2019
Marshall Flippo’s Success–Luck or Not?
In one of our last interviews for Marshall Flippo’s biography, I asked him, “I have a question: if I was to ask you to describe yourself, how would you describe yourself?”
His short response, “Don’t ask me!” His humorous response made me laugh again, like so many times during these interviews. His sharp sense of humor caught me off guard regularly.
After a moment, he answered with a chuckle, “A little short squirt with lots of luck! That’s about it!”
This topic
tickled him and he added, “A little short squirt—after all, a lot of people
didn’t know me when I had hair, but, anyway, a little short squirt with lots of
luck!” I complimented him on his concise description but wondered about it. I
have mused over it for months now.
Flippo
often referenced this thought about how lucky he was in relationship to all his
life, not just his calling life and added, “I was at the right spot at the
right time!”
When Flip shared about his Navy assignments, he felt he was lucky to a “Baker and Cook” in the first couple years, and then to play baseball his last two years. When Flippo described his hitchhiking experiences between San Diego and Abilene after Basic Training, he felt it was luck that got him considerate people who picked him and his friend, Thurman Curry, up and helped them out so much.
He often
referred to himself as “the luckiest man in the world” to marry Neeca and
praised her frugal nature and scheduling genius to make his calling career so
successful.
Standing back and looking at Flippo’s successful calling career, the threads of cause and effect weave their way through, but was it all luck?
Neeca and Flip started square dancing in 1951, and he began calling in 1952 in a chicken coup, at a time there wasn’t much recorded calling. So, he agreed to be one of several dancers to memorize a song and call it. From this agreement, his career sprung and he started calling regularly.
Calling careers, though, aren’t made overnight, so Flippo persisted. In 1957, two callers from Houston stopped by his dance in Abilene and heard him do “The Auctioneer,” a popular song at the time recorded by Leroy VanDyke. They suggested he connect with Norman Merrbach in Houston who owned Blue Star Records to record this song.
So, he called Norman. When Norman heard the title of the song, he told Flip that callers wouldn’t like it because it had too many words to say. Flip let it go, and a few months later received another phone call from Norman saying, “Let’s record it!” They did and were able to do it on the first take, and his career took off from that one lucky phone call and visit from two strangers.
[image error]Kirkwood Lodge in Osage Beach, Missouri
His luck continued that year. A bus driver who happened to drive graduating seniors to a resort in the Lake of the Ozark’s area, Kirkwood Lodge for their senior trips, stopped by one night in Abilene. Flip and Neeca were told: “Throughout the season, they square danced as the majority activity at this resort,” and the bus driver suggested Neeca and Flippo go.
This was a turning point in Flip’s square dance career: they were getting burned out on square dancing and considered quitting, but this vacation became one of the luckiest trips they ever made. They went and had a great time, and returned for several years. In 1961 Flippo became the resident staff caller at Kirkwood Lodge for six months out the year. He did this for 42 years—a solid career choice and quite lucky, wouldn’t you say?
His 42-year tour schedule became the next lucky piece of the puzzle. Visiting dancers coming to Kirkwood would ask Flippo to come to their hometown and call a dance or festival. Neeca managed this growing list and sizeable schedule and put together synchronized tours after Kirkwood’s six-month season that began in October. He went north, east, south and home for Christmas. After time home in Abilene, Texas, Flippo started the new year going through the Midwest, then back home, west, and back to Kirkwood to start the new season there in April.
The backbone of these tours and his success lay in repeated weekend and week-long festivals that continued for thirty and forty years! At one time in his career, it took a club nine years to have Flippo call for them!
Also from Kirkwood, Flippo became an international success, gaining fans across the seas. He toured Japan, Germany, Spain and England because of foreign dancers’ time at Kirkwood with Flip. Again, they wanted dancers back home to experience square dance Flippo-style!
Another piece of the puzzle for Flippo’s success stemmed from the network of friends he made in the calling and dancing worlds. He treated people fairly which made him a Godsend to dance organizers. He connected deeply with many callers—so many that when we started this project of his biography, he wanted to tell stories on all his caller friends, and he dictated a list to me—he named 67 callers he wanted to tell a story about for the book. I’m sorry to say that we can’t include all of them because of size restraints.
Flippo’s calling career spanned sixty-four years. He recorded 100’s of records for several recording labels and he traveled extensively!
Luck? Being
at the right place at the right time? I don’t know about you, but I disagree
with Flip. Yes, luck did have a hand in it. He flourished at a time when square
dancing was in its heyday—he recalled easily that an event had 40 or 50
squares! But I’ve danced to him for years, and I enjoyed his choreography, his
Burma Shave jingles he interwove in the patter and his friendly nature.
All of our lives are about choices we make and how this choice today affects what happens tomorrow and the next day, unfolding into a life time. Flippo succeeded because he made some choices which like a domino effect, tumbled to the next success which tumbled to the next one! Yet, at the core of his success: he was in high demand because he was who he was–Marshall Flippo!
The post Marshall Flippo’s Success–Luck or Not? appeared first on Larada Horner-Miller, Author.
May 26, 2019
Memorial Day or Decoration Day?
As a child, we went to the cemetery in Des Moines, New Mexico and met my Mom’s parents on Decoration Day many times. The adults decorated the graves of family members, and we raced around dodging headstones and graves playing with friends. Many families brought picnic lunches and this allowed more play time for the children and more visiting time for the adults. This trip to a familiar cemetery meant the beginning of summer because school was over, and we headed to Amarillo, Texas to spend a week with my grandparents.
Fast forward to my adult life. I watched my Mom and Dad religiously decorate family graves in Trinidad, Colorado and back to Des Moines. It was a family tradition, and their commitment to caring for deceased family members and their graves spoke deeply to me.
When my Mom died six years ago, my cousin said she’d take care of the graves in Des Moines and I would do the ones in Trinidad, so faithfully I followed my family’s tradition for the last five years. I decorated my parents’ grave, my grandparents’ grave, and my Aunt’s all in Trinidad. I also decorated my sister-in-law’s in the beautiful quaint cemetery outside of my hometown of Branson, Colorado.
This year I failed. I have been sick for the last three months and haven’t visited Colorado yet to decorate the graves. I will, but it will be late. This made me think about this tradition, its importance and the history behind it.
What is
Memorial Day anyway?
Originally known as Decoration Day, it originated in the years following the Civil War and became an official federal holiday in 1971. Many Americans observe Memorial Day by visiting cemeteries or memorials, holding family gatherings and participating in parades. Unofficially, it marks the beginning of the summer season.
https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/memorial-day-history
This is what I remember as Decoration Day! But it changed.
Memorial Day is an American holiday, observed on the last Monday of May, honoring the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military. Memorial Day 2019 occurs on Monday, May 27.
https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/memorial-day-history
I
celebrate both of these commemorations: my family and friends that have passed
and anyone in the military who has given their life so we can keep our
democracy safe and sound.
[image error]
Some of the soldiers I have known who have passed:
Uncle Tanky DohertyMarshall FlippoLeroy EllisExcel SmithDonald BergFred Buhr
[image error]Mom and Dad’s Headstone
Those major family and friends I have lost over my 65 years:
Harold and Elva Horner – Dad and MomLaurence and Pearle Horner – paternal grandparentsVirgil and Tresia Dickerson – maternal grandparentsHughie and Willa Urbanoski – Uncle and AuntGay and Helen Waldroup – Uncle and AuntFred Horner – Half-brotherJason Talley – nephewReu and Helen Waldroup – parents’ best friendsMillard Warner – Dad’s best friendMillie Sheldon – childhood babysitterKathi Raver – best girlfriend in the square dance worldLela Kaye Horner – sister-in-lawCandy Vargas – lifelong best friendGene and Carol Champion – square dance friendsJoel Walton – Square Dance Friend
Whew! That’s a lot of losses! I just
heard today if you grieve many losses, that means you’ve loved a lot! What a
comforting thought!
How do you celebrate Decoration Day/Memorial Day? What are your traditions? Make it more than just another day off. How can you make it memorable? Please share your ideas in the Comments!
Check out my web site at https://www.laradasbooks.com
FATHER’S DAY SPECIALS: 25% off of 2 BOOK BUNDLE: This Tumbleweed Landed & When Will Papa Get Home? paper
copies. Visit my Etsy Shop, Larada’s Reading Loft,
to purchase my books.
Would you like to join the Marshall Flippo
Fan Club Facebook page? Interesting posts about Flippo’s life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/328325644382769/
Do you want to pre-order the Marshall Flippo
biography? Go here to order the version you want. Monthly SWAG Giveaways! https://goo.gl/forms/4D4hwbHdme1fvJc42
The post Memorial Day or Decoration Day? appeared first on Larada Horner-Miller, Author.
May 19, 2019
He’s a Winner!
Lin Miller, my husband, received a outstanding honor last night at the New Mexico Square and Round Festival in Roswell, New Mexico, They inducted him into the Hall of Fame for his work and support of square and round dancing in the state.
[image error]Lin’s Plaque and Badge
A friend nominated him two years ago, and I helped her put the paperwork together. Lin’s ex-wife contributed information about his dancing when they were together. We re-worked the application this year, because he wasn’t selected last year. My friend and I had secret meetings, telling Lin she had interests my books—he had no idea.
Just because someone is nominated doesn’t mean he or she is automatically in and in that year—sometimes it takes two years to actually receive this treasured recognition. I had won this award in 2007 and found out later that I had been nominated the year before, so it took me two times.
On top of that, the person in charge of the award this year didn’t let me know outright that Lin had won but hinted at it, so I wondered.
As we neared the festival, Lin and I ended up talking about the award some, speculating who might win, and I kept my reactions and tone as neutral as possible to not give it away.
This annual festival means a lot to me. It’s the one chance for our state square and round dance family to come together for a fun-filled weekend at various sites around the state. I always anticipate who’s going to be there and lament the loss of one of our dancers. I love our New Mexico state square and round dance members!
[image error]Greg Tillery calling with help from an Alien
[image error]Larada and Lin decked out the Alien Invasion!
[image error]Holly and Lin enjoying Roswell!
The theme this year for the festival, “Strangers Thing Happen,” ignited in a lot of us a frivolous, childlike celebration of Roswell’s claim to fame—the alien invasion. Many of us wore the festival’s lime green t-shirts on Saturday during the day with lights attached. Dancers played with the theme all weekend, and they talked about aliens, spaceships and other worldly matter—what fun! We blamed any mistakes made in the squares on “Aliens!”
The award ceremony was Saturday night. The anticipation mounted for me as the time drew closer. The Grand March started the evening’s activities, then it was time. The MC described the recipient without using his/her name, keeping us in suspense until it’s obvious who the recipient is. A dear round dance cuer received the first award, and my hands shook.
Finally the time came. I had told Lin before we arrived on Friday that I wanted to get lots of pictures this weekend, so he had my phone in his pocket. I didn’t want him to be suspicious when I needed my phone for the Hall of Fame awards. I had it out taking pictures of the first winner, so I caught him in total shock when he realized he was next.
[image error]Lin realized he won!
As he hugged me, he asked if I knew, and I had tears in my eyes when I nodded my head. His reaction was precious and priceless. In a rate moment of being speechless, he went on stage to receive a name badge and plaque.
[image error]Lin with his plaque and badge!
During the rest of the evening, dancers congratulated him. You may wonder what he did or does to receive this award.
For over ten years, he’s been the Promotions person for the Albuquerque Square Dance Center, sending out emails to notify dancers of up and coming events, so the state dancers knew what he does there. Also, he has been the treasurer for Hot August Nights for twelve years. But most recently, in 2013 Lin volunteered to be president of our square dance club, Duke City Singles and Doubles, when it was dying with only 27 members and no one wanting to take the leadership. In five years, he built it up to 92 active members. This changed the face of square dancing in Albuquerque because those 92 members went on to join other clubs growing square and round dancing across the city.
Lin ignites any event he attends with his high energy and positive attitude, and because of his friendly nature, he loves to visit with old and new friends during the breaks. His sense of humor and jokes keep people laughing, so he is an asset to this activity for sure.
The state honored this hard-working man this weekend, and he truly deserved it! You’re welcome to give Lin congratulatory comments here!
Check out my web site at https://www.laradasbooks.com
FATHER’S DAY SPECIALS: 25% off of 2 BOOK BUNDLE: This Tumbleweed Landed & When Will Papa Get Home? paper copies. Visit my Etsy Shop, Larada’s Reading Loft, to purchase my books.
Would you like to join the Marshall Flippo
Fan Club Facebook page? Interesting posts about Flippo’s life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/328325644382769/
Do you want to pre-order the Marshall Flippo
biography? Go here to order the version you want. Monthly SWAG Giveaways! https://goo.gl/forms/4D4hwbHdme1fvJc42
The post He’s a Winner! appeared first on Larada Horner-Miller, Author.
May 12, 2019
Does Your Heart Break on Mother’s Day?
Here it is six years after my Mom’s death and Mother’s Day smacks me in the face with fresh grief—I miss buying Mom a card and flowers and calling her up. I miss her infectious laughter and her practical jokes. The pain never goes away.
Many people face grief on this celebratory day—the graphic above shows those affected most. For many years before Mom died, I dreaded this day. Why? Because I am not a mother, and that hole in my heart pulsated to an overwhelming size on this annual day of remembrance.
I remember going to church one Mother’s Day many years ago (not to my present church for sure), and they had all the mothers present stand and gave them a flower. Again, I stifled tears being reminded of my lack.
Today my church gave every woman present a chrysanthemum and said a prayer for “Mothers, Potential Mothers, and Women Who ‘Mother’ in Any Way.” Today I stood, satisfied for sure.
Yes, I have mothered many people’s children. I was a middle
school teacher for twenty years. My brother and his wife knew my deep longing
for a child—I had a miscarriage about the time they got pregnant with the first
of their three children. They share their children with me in a deep meaningful
way, and I am close to them and their children.
After the miscarriage, my first husband and I sought help from a fertility specialist in Denver, Colorado—the famous Dr. Bradley who pioneered a natural child method. We started with fertility tests with my husband and went no further because he had aspermia, a disease of weak sperm.
So we thought about artificial insemination. The thought thrilled me because finally I could get pregnant, but my husband didn’t agree. So we planned to adopt a child and were within six months of getting our baby. I had knitted booties, baby blankets and put together a nursery. We went through Lutheran Social Services in Denver, Colorado, and they did the work-up on the couple a few months before placement instead of at the beginning. They felt if a couple lasted the four year wait; they were a sure bet. We had waited our four years to get our baby, but as the great day drew near, the tension in our marriage increased and he walked out. I later found out he had unsavory skeletons in his closet, and I was heartbroken in my double losses!
My mother especially grieved with me over the loss of a child—I had been raised to get married, live happily ever after and have 2.4 children. The Horner’s celebrated children and grandchildren. After my divorce, Mom talked about artificial insemination—she even offered to help me pay the hefty price of $10,000 for it! (Remember, this was in the early 1980s.)
The battle raged inside me—I could finally have the baby I always wanted, but I labored over the fact of being a single Mom. In the end, I chose not to do it which looking back; I realized was a wise decision for me.
The next few years I drank away, numbing my broken heart and
acting out! God’s mercy won in the choice I made. I would have injured a child with
my crazy lifestyle at that time.
The years have healed that profound ache, and I am satisfied with my childless life today, but I will always be indebted to my Mom and her undying support of the need she knew I had!
Here are two poems I wrote in 1996 and 2005 while I was still lamenting the lack of a child in my life:
[image error]
Childless – 1996
The pain of being without a child! Eternally alone!
No child has burst forth from my womb
nor sucked at my breast.
Barren cavity deep inside waiting to be filled with life.
Waiting, waiting, waiting!
I have no child to pass my stories on to, my history, our history,
how Grandad created our ranch,
how special Branson Christmas trees are
because we cut them down from our ranch, our land,
how to do the Jessie polka and waltz,
how I was almost named Jessie.
My name, Larada, that should pass on to my granddaughter,
like my grandmother passed it on to me,
every other generation for 7 generations.
Cheated, robbed, failed!
Not woman, not mom, nothing! Does a child define woman?
Does the lack of them define me?
Names and faces dance in circles in my mind—
Lael Marie
Patrick Lawrence
Curly blond hair, blue inquisitive eyes.
Bright red hair, changeable hazel eyes.
A mixture of him and me.
I have no daughter that has my smile nor a son with my Dad’s red hair.
No one to call me, “Mommy.”
The empty cavity waiting to be filled has grown larger
no longer just my womb,
but now my whole being,
my every thought,
ME!
Aching, lonely, pulsating to the beat of life
missing what never was!
****************
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Childless at 51 – 2005
I am childless
51
single!
Reality hit yesterday as life in
My 50’s sheds light on my life’s fact.
Who will carry on the stories I have –
A lifetime full of
Traditions?
Who will recall that
Grandma Horner demanded
I have a set of sheets
With yellow roses?
Her mark of innocence for me, her namesake.
Who will name their child Larada?
Will that meaningful name
Die with me?
Who will remember that Dad
Called me Shorty?
Who will share my travel escapades?
My love for the Mayas!
Who will know the story behind
Each Christmas decoration
Hanging on my tree?
Who will understand the
Spiritual voyage I took
By looking through my
Personal library of life?
Will you be able to stitch together
The words that formed the
Frame that I draped
My life over?
That gave me closure to
The search through
The pages, the beliefs,
The heart-wrenching self
That examined herself
Through various beliefs
and concepts.
Who will look at all
My belongings
And be able to define
The complex mystery
Of Larada?
No one, but me!
Are you sad this Mother’s Day? If so, tell me your pain so I can share it and lessen your burden.
Check out my web site at https://www.laradasbooks.com
MOTHER’S DAY SPECIAL UNTIL MAY 14, 2019: 25% off of A Time to Grow Up: A Daughter’s Grief Memoir—digital & paper copies. Visit my Etsy Shop, Larada‘s Reading Loft, to purchase my books.
Would you like to join the Marshall
Flippo Fan Club Facebook page? Interesting posts about Flippo’s life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/328325644382769/
Do you want to pre-order the
Marshall Flippo biography? Go here to order the version you want. Monthly SWAG
Giveaways! https://goo.gl/forms/4D4hwbHdme1fvJc42
The post Does Your Heart Break on Mother’s Day? appeared first on Larada Horner-Miller, Author.
May 5, 2019
Yes, I Always Think I Can—How About You?
When you’re asked to volunteer to do something, what’s your
first response: I can or I can’t? If I can’t do the big thing someone asked me,
can I contribute in a small way? Or is my answer immediately, “I can’t.” It’s
all in the attitude.
I just finished a weekend square and round dance festival,
Duke City Singles and Doubles’ Spring Fling, and yes, I’m exhausted, but in a
good way. I’ve been the chairperson of this event since 2013, was the chair
from 1997 to 2000, and I have taken part on the committee for 24 years.
Why?
Today when I looked around at the sheer joy on happy dancers’ faces as they twirled and spun around the dance floor, all my hard work was worth it! The rewards resounded. That’s why I volunteer!
In 1994, I attended my first Fling (that’s what we called it
then) as a dancer only and caught the square dance fever. In 1995, the
chairperson asked me to help on advertising, and I failed miserably because I
didn’t know what I was doing. But that was a learning experience—ask questions
when you don’t know!
In 1996, our club took over this festival, and I agreed to be the co-chairperson, again not knowing what I was doing. The next year I moved up to be the chairperson! People believed I could do the job, and their belief confirmed I could. I had no idea what I was doing but someone needed to step up, and I said, “Yes, I can!” The previous chairperson had put together a manual for running a festival, so I followed that for many years until I got my system in place.
My involvement with this has gone on and on. Why
continue doing it or why do it at all, you may ask. Volunteering has been core
to my life for the last 25 years. I don’t hesitate; I jump in and worry about
the specifics later.
I have volunteered for other activities besides square dancing, and I love the connections I’ve made with people over the years and the rewards from those activities.
[image error] My square dance outfit for the National Singles Square Dance Convention in Albuquerque, 2003
After being involved in this festival for years, three square dance girlfriends asked if I would chair the National Singles Square Dance Festival for Singles in Albuquerque in 2003. They said they would help if I headed it. They had worked with me on our local festival and liked the results. Again, I didn’t flinch, and again I had no experience at chairing a national event, so I took my time-tested knowledge from our smaller event and applied it, and we had a smashing success.
So why volunteer? Someone has to do the work—the event won’t
happen without you, without me! Is it time consuming? Yes! Will you have to
work with disagreeable people? Probably! But what else in life offers deep
connections with people which we all crave?
I have a wealth of wonderful memories that became a byproduct of volunteering. Several women dancers sat around a table and hand painted our square dance outfits one year. We laughed and shared our lives as we painted. Our hostess dropped her paintbrush on her vest and remarked, “That’s a bird,” and it worked out fine. Today when I wear that outfit, my heart glows with those moments.
My friend, Kathi, and I stayed up until 3:30 AM one Saturday because one of our talkative club members distracted the band who was trying to put up their instruments and equipment and get home at one of the Flings. We watched this talker and tried to get him away from the band but back he went repeatedly! Whenever we recalled this, we joked about who would sit on him next year so we could get home earlier, but what a memory!
At this talkative friend’s funeral, I shared this story with
his family with a laugh and a lot of love in my heart.
I sprayed a caller in the face with Silly String at our
National Square Dance Convention for singles which started a war of Silly
String the whole weekend. I ended up being the biggest target. What rich
memories!
Because of my involvement in this national organization, I have dear friends all over the USA—because I volunteered years ago at our local event. See what happens? The opportunities grew and grew from volunteering, and I became self-assured about my talents in organizing an event like this.
I’m tired tonight. Each year when the Spring Fling is over for another year, I look into the faces of the committee members and my co-chair and marvel at their commitment, their willingness to take part and am so deeply touched. The success unites us together as a force, and immediately the thought moves to next year’s events and what we needed to do.
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Believe me, the rewarding answer when someone asks you to volunteer is “Yes, I can,” and you will never know where it will take you!
Do you volunteer? If so, where? What have been your rewards?
Check out my NEW and IMPROVED web site at https://www.laradasbooks.com
MOTHER’S DAY SPECIAL: 25% off of A Time to Grow Up: A
Daughter’s Grief Memois — digital & paper copies. Visit my Etsy Shop,
Larada’s Reading Loft,
to purchase my books.
Would you like to join the Marshall Flippo Fan Club Facebook page?
Interesting posts about Flippo’s life.https://www.facebook.com/groups/328325644382769/
Do you want to pre-order the Marshall Flippo biography? Go here to order the
version you want. Monthly SWAG Giveaways! https://goo.gl/forms/4D4hwbHdme1fvJc42
The post Yes, I Always Think I Can—How About You? appeared first on Larada Horner-Miller, Author.
April 28, 2019
What To Do With 258,490 Words?
Thousands of words! Forty hours plus of interviews! I have a dilemma! I’m realizing I have to make some decisions quickly on the Marshall Flippo biography. I have 258,490 words from the forty hours plus of interviews. I will edit the interviews as I create the chapters and shrink the word count considerably, but. . .
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In the first six sections, I have edited it down to 42,000 words, so I know the final version will be much less than almost 260,000 words. If I stay at that number, the book would be 650 pages which is too way long.
As I thought about a possible tool to help me get organized, I created a database and divided the book into sections:
Front MatterChildhoodNavyAfter the NavyAbileneKirkwoodTours & FestivalsCALLERLABDivorcedTucson
YearsEnd
of CareerFlippo’s
Stories about CallersStories
About FlippoLetters
& NotesAwardsPhotographsRecordingsEpilogueAppendix
A – Chronology of Flippo’s LifeAppendix
B – ReferencesAppendix
C – Glossary
In this database, I also did a word count and realize now the largest section is “Flippo’s Stories About Callers” at 72,924 words, Yes, it is rough interview material that hasn’t been edited yet, but it’s the biggest section, and it’s not about him.
[image error]Flippo shared stories about many of these callers!
He told hilarious stories about 86 different caller friends because they played key roles in his calling career, and he wanted to share his favorite stories. As I have put together the first six sections of Flippo’s biography, I can see the importance of people in his life, so it’s understandable that he spent so much time in our interviews talking about his caller friends.
Early on in the interviews, Flippo listed 67 callers he had known or called with over the many years of his calling career. We used that list as the guide to all his stories and added to it. When we returned to the list for the stories, some names from this list we crossed off because he couldn’t think of a “funny” story—that ended up being the criteria for including someone. He had to have a funny story about that person.
Flippo really wanted these stories included in his biography. He asked if we could have a section in the book named, “Callers I Have Known or Have Worked With.” He described the chapter as, “We’ll start out with each caller. I’ll have something about each one. It would make a pretty good chapter, I think. Different stories. I’ll try to tell a funny story with each caller. Let’s do that then. That whole section will be about callers.”
What he didn’t
realize was all the stories he told would total up to be over 70,000 words. I
was shocked myself when I realized the length of this section.
[image error]What should I do?
Therefore, I have a hard decision to make: have Flippo’s biography be super-lengthy, and he was emphatic about the size of his book, “It couldn’t be as thick as Bob Osgood’s book, As I Saw It.” Or. . . So, what do I do?
My husband, Lin, came up with a possible solution: write two books—his biography which would be longer and then a shorter book of his stories about callers. Lin laughed, “His biography will be fun, but the stories about the callers will be funny!”
I could keep a few of the stories in his biography to honor
Flippo’s wishes of having stories about his caller friends in his biography,
especially the ones about the callers who helped him in his early career.
As I have gone through Flippo’s interviews and told his story in the early sections, he wanted to tell stories about his Navy friends, the callers he knew, the employees at Kirkwood and the owners of Kirkwood. These stories were a part of his DNA, but I have to make sure that his biography is about him! So, this is a balancing act.
I’ll keep you posted on my final decision. What do you think
I should do? I need your suggestions!
Check out my NEW and IMPROVED web site at https://www.laradasbooks.com
MOTHER’S DAY SPECIAL: 25% off of A Time to Grow Up: A
Daughter’s Grief Memois — digital & paper copies. Visit my Etsy Shop,
Larada’s Reading Loft,
to purchase my books.
Would you like to join the Marshall Flippo Fan Club Facebook page?
Interesting posts about Flippo’s life.https://www.facebook.com/groups/328325644382769/
Do you want to pre-order the Marshall Flippo biography? Go here to order the
version you want. Monthly SWAG Giveaways! https://goo.gl/forms/4D4hwbHdme1fvJc42
The post What To Do With 258,490 Words? appeared first on Larada Horner-Miller, Author.
April 21, 2019
An African Violet Easter
Easter, the high holy holiday of all Christendom, is here! He is risen! He is risen indeed! Families celebrated this day in a variety of ways across the world, so I’m going to share how I spent the day—one traditional activity and one not so traditional.
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For my religious observance of Easter, I attended church this morning at Hope in the Desert Episcopal Cathedral and witnessed a joyous celebration of our Risen Lord. The music set the tone immediately. Fr. Dan Tuton’s thoughtful sermon connected today’s Scripture readings to the horrific fire at the Notre Dame Church in Paris. His powerful words encouraged us to see beyond the fire that destroyed the famous spire to the brilliant Cross that remained untouched. He shared that President Emmanuel Macron has plagued to rebuild the familiar spire and reminded us of the purpose of the spire: “To cast our eyes upward towards heaven!” What a beautiful message after such a tragedy!
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The comparison for me really embraced the Easter message: the
tragedy of Good Friday and the crucifixion of Christ, the silent interim of
Saturday filled with waiting and wondering about that horrible event, and the
glorious news the women shared that first Easter morning, “The tomb is empty.”
Yes, the fire was horrible at Notre Dame, but faithful followers
sang hymns and prayed and have set their eyes on what didn’t burn and the
future. This positive attitude is the true essence of the Christian faith. Out
of the tomb, Jesus arose—Notre Dame will rebuild and survive, even prosper.
For my family celebration of this special day, I joined my husband, Lin at the African Violet show at the Albuquerque Garden Club for an afternoon of enjoying a colorful collection of African Violets and meeting his new friends in the club. Both of these activities were pleasing to me.
Lin’s newfound interest in African Violets surprised me at first, but not any longer. He has become an accomplished gardener with an additional interest in house plants that deck our home. too. This interest is a natural progression to me from the love of his garden.
Yesterday, he connected his interest in African Violets to
his grandmother. As he shared this intimate piece with me, I remembered my
grandmother had African Violets too. I tried my hand at a plant or two over the
years but killed them easily and gave up.
Lin’s African Violets are gorgeous and he recently joined the Albuquerque African Violet Club and added to his collection, so a visit to the African Violet Show on Easter afternoon was a natural segue. I love flowers and plants but am not as consistent in their care as Lin, so I have the advantage of beautiful house plants and a luscious garden and don’t have to do the work!
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So off to the African Violet Show I went and what a delight! Tables of winning plants lined the room. I had no idea the variety of African Violets. Lin had brought home some different colors; my grandma had only purples ones. Today the colors overwhelmed me: I saw purple, lavender, pink, white, purple and white—amazing.
The members of the club greeted me whole-heartedly. Sharon Shannon, the president, shared her passion for these beautiful plants.
My husband, Lin, identified one woman from the club as being quite the expert. Her name is Jo Ellen Bowden and has won the Rosalie Doolittle Award for Best Standard African Violet Plant twenty-three times from 1994-2018. Add to that she has won the Louisa Sando Award for Best Standard African Violet Runner-up twice from 2011-2018. See in the picture above, she really knows her stuff and helped Lin repot an African Violet of his, so giving of her knowledge, experience and expertise.
Notice the picture above of the table housing all the awards.
The attendees of this show could purchase an African Violet to take home. The club started the show off with 300 plants for sale on Saturday and ended up with 23 left today! So, lots of people took one or more home to enjoy.
I enjoyed watching the visitors that came as they eyed the plants, usually talking to a companion. I studied their faces and saw people swished out of the rush and hurry of their busy lives to a peaceful quiet room teeming with colorful African Violets. I talked to some people—friends from our square dance world came and wandered from table to table, oohing and aahing at the colors and the variety of plants.
How do you decide which one to buy? I saw people wander back and forth around the sales’ table, comparing this plant to that one, and then finally making a decision. Some focused on one plant but others walked out with a hand full.
This is a new experience for Lin and me. He volunteered to work today then invited me to come to the show after church and then a special Easter dinner.
The show is over and I’m sitting out in the hallway working on this blog while Lin and the other industrious club members fold up tables and clear out the room. It’s been a great show.
Yes, an African Violet Easter—Our Creator God celebrated by a dedicated group of flower enthusiasts through their beautiful plants. Lin and I shared a delightful afternoon learning about African Violets, talking to club members and working his shift. As I looked at these delicate plants, I again marveled at the mystery of God and this world He created. Nature has always been a conduit to God—so it seemed fitting to spend this Easter day in the midst of flowers, African Violets. It doesn’t get any better than this!
Are you an African Violet fan? Did you spend Easter afternoon doing something unususal? Let me know how you spent Easter 2019.
This event was at another hidden jewel in Albuquerque at the Albuquerque Garden Center at 10120 Lomas Blvd NE, Albuquerque, NM 87112. If you are interested in the Albuquerque African Violet Club, visit:https://www.facebook.com/AlbuquerqueAfricanVioletClub
This show is usually the third weekend in April, so put it on your calendar for next year.
Check out my NEW and IMPROVED web site at https://www.laradasbooks.com
MOTHER’S DAY SPECIAL: 25% off of A Time to
Grow Up: A Daughter’s Grief Memois — digital & paper copies.
Visit my Etsy Shop, Larada’s
Reading Loft, to purchase my books.
Would you like to join the Marshall Flippo
Fan Club Facebook page? Interesting posts about Flippo’s life.https://www.facebook.com/groups/328325644382769/
Do you want to pre-order the Marshall Flippo
biography? Go here to order the version you want. Monthly SWAG Giveaways! https://goo.gl/forms/4D4hwbHdme1fvJc42
The post An African Violet Easter appeared first on Larada Horner-Miller, Author.
