David Dye's Blog, page 58

How Do I Build Leadership Tenacity and Grit?

How do you tap into the grit and tenacity when you are exhausted? In this week’s Asking for a Friend  I speak with World Class Ultra Triathlete, Kurt Madden, who is also CEO of The Collaborative, about leadership tenacity and grit.

What is tenacity? And where does it come from?

I love this definition of tenacity: “The state of holding on to an idea or thing very strongly.”

Because if you’re a leader, who really believes in the “the idea or thing” you’re leading your team toward, that passion and tenacity can become contagious.

Asking For a Friend Conversation Highlights2:47 How does grit and tenacity developed as a tri-athlete translate into your role as a leader?

Take stock of yourself – Where is your grit factor?
Most of the grit is in your mind.
Commit not to quit.
Be willing to hang in there longer than anyone else.
Lead by example.

5:07 Defining tenacity

No matter what you encounter, you can adapt/pivot.
Resiliency – inner confidence and humility to hang in there a little longer

6:06 How to coach someone to tap into and to nurture their own confidence

Get into their hearts. That will lead to getting into their heads. Build trust.

7:56 How Kurt applies some of what he learned as an athlete into his role as a CEO.

Daily reflecting on leaving a legacy.
Developing a sound culture.
Taking stock about whether he is personally growing.
Making enough professional development available.
A “no-finish line” attitude.
Life-long learning.

11:00 Getting into leadership development with your team

Be the lead learner.
Model a growth mindset.
Harness the collective genius of the group.
Do after-action reviews.
Schedule the finish.
Add up the years of experience on your team.

13:30 When you have the moments when you wonder if you can continue, what conversations do you have with yourself?

Name them: dark moments
Have a mindset that you will have major regrets if you don’t finish.
I’ve gotta go a little bit longer.

17:49 Additional advice for people who are leading people who are tired.

Mental health is paramount.
Create white space.
Take care of yourself daily – start with you first.
Consider the Most Important Things.
Focus on relationships.
Play the long game.

22:20 Thoughts about discipline

Overcome inertia.
Get to a routine/structure.
Don’t second-guess yourself.
Plan the week out but allow for flexibility.
Delay gratification.
Be willing to shift.

25:20 One great story28:48 Last bits of advice

No matter how bad it gets, commit not to quit.
Keep culture a top priority.
Keep growing and learning.
Do things with integrity, pride, enthusiasm, and trust.

Your turn. I would love to hear your stories of how you find, and hold on to, leadership tenacity and grit.

The post How Do I Build Leadership Tenacity and Grit? appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

How Can I Have More Fun at Work? Asking For a Friend Video- Dr. Bob Nelson

Practical Ideas for Having More Fun at Work

In this week’s Asking For a Friend, I interview Dr. Bob Nelson. author of Work Made Fun Gets Done, and discuss how to have more fun at work!

Dos and Dont’s For Fun at WorkDo… Be playful; choose to have fun. Be open & flexible. Experiment; try new things Learn, refine & reapply.Be patient.Don’t…Force fun on others.Be rigid and predictable. Don’t dictate what is funKeep doing the same things.Overlook learning from fun things you’ve tried.Give up/: Don’t give up.Highlights from the Conversation with Dr. Bob Nelson:55 the importance of doing this right – do’s and don’ts1:25 Don’t wait around for someone else to do the fun thing. Give yourself permission to have fun at work.2:21 Don’t put someone on the spot or have fun at someone else’s expense.2:41 Forced fun doesn’t tend to work.What if Your Boss is Anti-Fun?4:00 What if your boss is anti-fun? Sometimes just do it. “Best places to work” designations usually include a high percentage of employees thinking it’s a fun place to work.7:00 Specific ways you can make your own fun at work include music, chatting with someone else, etc.12:05 Getting a team who feels their job is so stressful to get into an attitude of fun i.e. praise barrage – name people and have others call out positive things they like about that person15:25 Avoid the boring, typical, repetitive stuff (i.e. just the birthday cake in the break room)15:55 Bringing “Eeyores” into the fun; showing concern and attention to mental health.18:20 Ideas to mix things up to have fun at work in the virtual environment – house tour, pet introductions, send happy hour kits, sharing what is going well22:10 Favorite fun at work moments26:03 Make it a process28:55 It is contagious and it does not need to cost a lot of money.30:28 More about Dr. Nelson’s book.

Your turn. What would you add? How do you create a more fun workplace culture?

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How to Lead When Your Team Lacks a Sense of Urgency

People’s sense of urgency varies. Schedule the finish to get everyone on the same page.

It’s a common leadership frustration that we’ve experienced and hear from leaders regularly: “My people lack a sense of urgency. I must follow up on everything or we miss deadlines. I’m tired of babysitting! How can I ensure things get done on time?” Paradoxically, leaders with a high internal sense of urgency can struggle with this the most. The good news is that with a few straightforward tools, you can help everyone work effectively and meet those timelines.

5 Steps to Get Things Done with a Common Sense of UrgencyRespond with ProportionIdentify Routine Tasks to Schedule the FinishSchedule the Finish for Delegated AssignmentsCheck for UnderstandingClose the Loop with Celebration and Accountability

You probably won’t have success by telling people “We need to have a sense of urgency.” Urgency means different things to different folks. People naturally have different perspectives on what matters and why. Some value thoroughness above timeliness, others may have a sense of timeliness that differs from your own. (If you need proof, ask three people to define the word “soon.”)

You can help your team be most effective and lower your stress by creating a common understanding and shared commitments through these five steps.

1. Respond with proportion.

As with so much of leadership, the first step is to examine yourself. Your team pays attention to how you respond to tasks, opportunities, and problems.

If you treat every problem or task with the same passion and intensity, your team won’t know what’s truly important. They filter out the extreme responses as “That’s just the way he is.” Or, if you’re very reserved, you’ll have the same problem. Your team won’t know what’s important.

So be you, but with some range. Use passion and intensity for what matters most. (And by using the tools that follow, you’ll find you need less emotional energy to get things done.)

2. Identify routine tasks to schedule the finish.

This is a two-step process.

First, look at the different types of tasks your team members do regularly. There are routine tasks that are part of one’s work. Then there are occasional delegated, assigned tasks, or projects. Begin with routine tasks. Group them into similar categories. For example, in a particular role, you might have categories such as document accounts, respond to inquiries, and complete research for proposals.

Next, “schedule the finish” for these routine tasks.

Schedule the finish means that you clearly define what “done” looks like, with a specific, scheduled time that something will be finished. You don’t leave that sense of urgency to chance or interpretation. Here’s a specific example: in our business, we have a category of “responding to prospects and customers.”

Our schedule-the-finish for this category is that everyone receives a response within 24 hours. For specific categories, they’ll hear from us within four hours.

These routine tasks often cause frustration for leaders. If you’ve ever thought “This is just part of your job, why can’t you do it with urgency?” Then bucketing these routine tasks and creating shared scheduled finishes will help.

Here is the critical question: With no other conversation between you and your employees, if I were to talk to them and ask “What’s your manager’s expectation for when these items should be done?” Would they give me the same answer you would?

(Unsure how they’ll respond? Ask them yourself and see what they say.)

If they’re on the same page about what success looks like, you’re good to go. If they would respond differently than you or would be unsure, then it’s time to establish clear expectations about what success looks like for the individual buckets or categories of work.

For ongoing tasks, you can do the same thing. But the goal might be something like “complete weekly.” For instance, if an employee’s doing customer contact and they need to document the account with conversations and activities taken, perhaps they catch up to 100% completion by end-of-ay every Wednesday and Friday.

3. Schedule the finish for delegated assignments.

The second category of tasks includes items that aren’t routine. Delegated assignments, project work, or multi-part tasks.

For high-urgency leaders, these tasks usually needed to be completed “yesterday.” But these leaders don’t set a timeline. So the other person puts it on their list but works on other items first. In the meantime, the high-urgency leader is frustrated at the other person’s perceived lack of urgency.

This is where scheduling the finish is vital. Even the most dedicated team members have to decide about what work they’ll do next. The timeframe is critical to that decision. If you don’t share it, you’re setting yourself up for frustration.

It may feel like babysitting, but tasks with finish lines get done. But people generally push tasks without finish lines to the end of the line until they become critically urgent. That’s not a lack of urgency—it’s a rational approach to managing multiple priorities.

When you create a finish line, that establishes a common vocabulary and shared sense of urgency. For multi-step projects, there are milestones dates that need to be met and can be established upfront.

4. Check for understanding.

As you wrap up conversations, check with the other person or team to make sure you have a shared understanding of what a sense of urgency means. (This is not asking “Do you understand?” At best, a “yes” to that question means they think they understand.)

A good check for understanding ensures that all parties share the same interpretation. For example, “Great discussion. I want to make sure we’re on the same page going forward. What’s your understanding of the timeframes?” For more on the check for understanding and how it works together with scheduling the finish, check out these six competencies you can’t lead without.

Ensure that you both have a mutual, shared understanding of the words you exchanged.

5. Close the loop with celebration and accountability.

Once you and your team have that shared understanding of what success looks like, it’s time to reinforce it. When the team succeeds, celebrate it. You get more of what you celebrate and encourage, less of what you criticize or ignore. So reinforce what’s working. For the routine items, you don’t need to reinforce them every time, but periodically call attention and celebrate excellence.

When it doesn’t happen, it’s time for a performance conversation. When you first establish new timeframes, you may have to reinforce them with a couple of performance conversations. After that, if someone continues to struggle, you might need to reinforce with an escalated conversation about the pattern of issues with timeliness.

Your Turn

I’d love to hear from you. How do you schedule the finish and ensure your teams have shared commitments to timeliness?

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Good Comes First with Chris Edmonds and Mark Babbitt

As a business leader, how do you create a purposeful, positive, and productive work environment for you employees and customers while improving your bottom line? In short, “good” comes first. Your culture is imperative. In this episode, culture experts Chris Edmonds and Mark Babbitt give you a practical roadmap to building the culture you want (hint – it takes commitment and accountability equal to your focus on results).

Good Comes First

6:30 – Good Comes First isn’t about how or why to build a great business culture, it’s about actually doing it.

8:30 – The reasons, frustrations, and let downs that let Chris and Mark to invest their time in helping businesses build positive cultures.

11:34 – Why feeling good about culture isn’t enough. Action is everything.

13:21 – What the “good” in Good Comes First means for your business.

14:09 – Why culture feels straightforward but is hard work that takes discipline and structure.

15:39 – The goal is that every employee, every person in the organization, in every interaction, feels trusted, respected, and validated for their ideas, efforts, and contributions.

17:32 – The link between improved respect and improved business results.

18:58 – Why we don’t have a labor shortage, but a respect shortage.

20:10 – Get the data. Look at the metrics you’re using to assess success. Do any of them refer to respect or other cultural norms? If not, culture isn’t an imperative in your business (yet).

24:47 – People need a reason to get out of bed and come to work. What’s the purpose in your work?

30:01 – The difference between a general “why” and your organization’s servant purpose.

34:49 – Boomer male syndrome – what it is, how it limits businesses, and how to overcome it.

37:00 – The vital role of diversity and inclusion in positive, purposeful Good Comes First cultures.

41:06 – Why leaders’ want to avoid looking bad and how that prevents doing some of the important culture work that needs to happen for your company to succeed.

43:25 – A practical first step to take (if you haven’t already) to address diversity and inclusion and equity in your business.

48:33 – A Culture Constitution is at the heart of Chris and Mark’s approach to building powerful business culture. What it is and how to use it.

52:49 – How to start putting good first if you’re a leader who’s not in charge of your business.

1:02:15 – A first step you can take today: start with ground rules and hold one another accountable to living by them.

Connect with Chris and Mark

Chris Edmonds:

LinkedInFacebookTwitterInstagramYouTube

Mark Babbitt:

LinkedInFacebookTwitterInstagramGet the Book

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Managing Up With Grace (How to Give Your Boss Better Feedback With Video)

How To Get Better at Managing Up (Even With the Tough Feedback)

Karin, I want to get better at managing up. But it’s hard. And, I’m scared. How do I do this well? #AskingForAFriend

Your boss is an imperfect human, doing the best they can. Just like you. They don’t brush their teeth in the morning dreaming up ways to be more difficult and frustrating to you and the rest of the team.

Maybe they’re unaware of the impact of their behavior. Or perhaps they’ve had a bad role model or two. Or, it could be they’ve not received the leadership training or 360 feedback they need to improve.

Start with the benefit of the doubt that this can and will work, be the leader you want your boss to be, and make a plan to get better at giving difficult feedback.

1. Ground yourself in connection and intention.

For years, we’ve been asking this critical question in our leadership development programs:

If you knew someone truly cared about you, your career, and the success of the team, would you want to hear difficult feedback, even if it was hard to hear?

Every single time, every hand in the room goes up.

Every person with that raised hand is somebody’s boss.

Of course, we’re not naive. We’ve both been there and heard the stories. We’ve both experienced the wrath of a toxic boss responding poorly to difficult feedback and have heard from many of you about the times it didn’t go well.

But we also know this.

If you start your difficult feedback with genuine human connection and a good intention, your chances of getting through improve exponentially.

Try something like this:

“I really care about you and the success of this team. I have an observation (or idea) that I think could really improve ________ (insert desired outcome here, e.g. productivity, the customer experience, revenue, morale.) Would you be open to talking about it?”

2. Set up a time to talk in a private place.

If you want to have more influence managing up, take it offline. Most of the time when difficult feedback goes wonky, the timing or location is off. The easiest way to ensure your feedback will be met with defensiveness is to share it in front of others. Or, to give it from a place of anger or frustration.

Setting up a time and place to talk in private gives you a chance to think through your approach and makes it easier to have a focused conversation. The privacy signals your genuine concern for your boss and conveys respect for them and their position.

3. Be objective and specific.

When hearing difficult feedback from someone managing up, nothing is more frustrating than vague feedback with no examples.

“Everyone is feeling frustrated by your angry, terse attitude,” would be difficult for anyone to hear.

“In yesterday’s meeting, I noticed you raised your voice and cut off both Jon and Kathy when they were sharing their ideas. And after that, no one spoke up again,” is an easier starting point.

Note: If you’re familiar with our I.N.S.P.I.R.E. method for tough conversations, these are the N (Notice) and S (Support) steps.

4. Ask for their perspective (and really listen.)

“I know it’s been a challenging few weeks, how are you feeling? What’s going on for you?”

Or you can even take a “reflect to connect” approach. “You seem really frustrated with our team right now. Am I right? What’s weighing on you the most?”

5. Probe for opportunities to help.

Next, try an open-ended question that offers your support.

“I’d love to help our meetings go more smoothly. How can I best support you?”

“What do you think we can do differently to reduce frustration?”

Note: This might feel frustrating at first. You might be thinking, “Hey, they’re the one with the problem!”

But chances are, this gentle, empathetic approach will help get underneath the root causes of their behaviors. And you might even get an, “Hey, it’s not you, it’s me. Here’s what I can do differently.”

6. Schedule the finish.

If you’re familiar with our 6 concepts you can’t lead without, you know we’re big believers in “scheduling the finish.”

And, we always recommend that you close an I.N.S.P.I.R.E. feedback conversation with a direct report by scheduling time to talk about the behavior again.

You can do this with your manager too (depending on their receptivity to the earlier steps).

“It sounds like we all have some things we can do to reduce the frustration around here, and I think we have a good path forward. Do you want to chat again after our next team meeting?”

Giving difficult feedback to your boss is rarely easy. But, practice builds confidence. And the best way to work for a better boss is to help them grow.

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Authentic Leadership: 5 Big Mistakes that Can Derail Your Influence

Impactful authentic leadership requires careful judgment and context.

Authentic leadership matters even more during times of stress, uncertainty, and change.

Of course, you want your team to be real with you. You can’t help them if you don’t know what’s really going on.

And if you’re not real with them, they won’t be real with you.

And yet, authenticity, like any other leadership competency can wreak havoc at the extremes.

I can’t tell you how many times a manager has come to me for advice after they’ve made a technically authentic, but clumsy move:

Storming out of a staff meeting in anger.Telling their boss (in front of everyone) how dumb their idea is.Over-sharing confidential information.Prematurely sharing a decision without all the details of the bigger impact.Or, commiserating with anyone who will listen about ALL THE THINGS (how they dislike a co-worker, a policy, customer, change, or process).

I suppose all these moves could be technically considered an attempt at “authentic leadership,” after all, they are speaking their truth. But, they don’t do much to build a leader’s influence, reputation or impact.

What is authentic leadership?

Authentic leadership is more than simply speaking up and sharing your truth.

It’s about being fully aware of your values, strengths, opportunities, and challenges and leading from that context. Authentic leaders know which information and actions will truly serve their customers, team, shareholders, strategic partners, and their broader network of peers.

Authentic leaders make values-based choices and decisions and will stand up for what matters—even if others may disagree.

AND if they want to be both authentic and effective. They learn to do that well.

5 Mistakes That Can Derail Your Reputation as an Authentic Leader

So how does an attempt at authentic leadership go sideways?

Here are five big mistakes I see well-intentioned leaders make (and what to do instead).

1. Showing All Your Feels

If you’ve ever been in one of our human-centered leadership programs, you know that we’re all about showing up real. No one wants to work for a robot. However, nobody wants to follow their leader through a roller coaster of emotions and drama—they have enough of their own to deal with. We call this emotional splash (more on that here),

What to do instead:

Be aware of your own emotional state and make deliberate choices of how much to share. Consider how sharing your emotional state is going to serve them. If your team has had a crushing disappointment, it’s perfectly appropriate to let them know you’re feeling frustrated too. But too much time hand-wringing or venting will diminish your credibility. An important job of an authentic leader is to genuinely lead your team through the disappointments and regain hope.

2. Being Overly Transparent

I once had a client call me and say,

“My boss just told me that there is going to be a major restructure and a significant downsizing. My team may or may not be impacted. I may or may not have a job. My team may or may not have jobs. The initiatives we’re working on may or may not be scrapped. She asked me to just keep this between us—it wasn’t really her place to share. But she likes to be authentic and transparent, so she wanted me to know.”

Now, I’m not sure if that was a bungled HR communication strategy or a rogue leader, but either way, that level of transparency does nothing but create pre-mature angst.

What to do instead:

Before sharing information, consider what you want your receiver to think, feel or do as a result of your sharing. Ask yourself if this is really your information to share? And, if you have been asked to share difficult news, be sure you’ve anticipated the important questions yourself. An authentic response to half-baked information is,

“I truly care about my team and our mission. I’m concerned that this information may be upsetting and distracting. Before we communicate, can we be sure we’ve thought this through and can answer their questions and concerns?”

3. Over-Sharing Personal Information

Yes, it’s important that your team sees you as a human being and knows a bit about who you are outside of work. They also don’t need to know the play-by-play of your life.

I once had a manager who would start each staff meeting telling us all about her boyfriend, Charlie, and his dog Gus.

Every. Single. Day.

If Gus had worms, we knew it.

If Charlie got a big promotion we heard about that too.

It’s not that we didn’t care, Charlie and Gus were nice enough (although Charlie didn’t last).

But, we felt hostage to her stories and felt compelled to listen politely because (after all), she was the boss.

NOTE: if this had been later in my career I would have taken her aside and politely given her some upward feedback—but I was a rookie at the time and lacked the psychological safety or skills to do that well, so I stayed silent.

What to do instead:

Consider which aspects of your life might be most interesting and create the deepest connection with your team.

Have a bunch of runners on your team? Talk about that marathon you’re training for (and be sure to ask about their running goals too).

Are you a parent? Bonding over stories can be a great way to create common ground.

4. Being Interested, Without Being Interesting

The flip side of too many Charlie and Gus stories is ALWAYS asking about others and never sharing anything about yourself.

I know a lot of leaders who struggle with this. They think that being a servant leader is always putting others first, and so they work hard to learn everything about the humans on their team, but seldom share anything about themselves.

Trust comes from reciprocity.

Here’s how I learned this authenticity lesson the hard way.

What to do instead:

Work on a balance of being an interested asker and an interesting sharer.

5. Over-Indexing on Self-Deprecation

There’s no question about some of the best strategic leadership stories are “learn from my mistakes” stories. We tell our screw-up stories all the time from the keynote stage. 

I’ve also seen leaders (in the spirit of leadership authenticity) over-extravert their mistakes to their team members. There’s a big difference between offering a sincere apology if you screw up (p.s. I highly recommend), and second-guessing all your moves.

If you keep telling your team you’re not qualified, they’ll believe you.

What to do instead:

To improve your authentic leadership, show up with confident humility. Stay focused on results and relationships. Concentrate on the mission and behave according to your values.

Authenticity doesn’t mean you need to be at the center of the story.

Your turn. When it comes to authentic leadership what works and what gets in the way?

 

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Leading Through Invisible Dissent with Kellie Beattie

Constructive discussions are essential for good decisions and great results. But how do you create an environment that helps to surface disagreement and overcome the challenges of invisible dissent? In this episode, Kelly Beattie shares practical steps you can take to help every team member engage.

Leading Through Invisible Dissent

3:00 – Why leaders must meet people where they are.

7:51 – How leaders create respectful conversations

10:51 – The role of clear expectations with regard to what’s possible

11:55 – Creating clarity about what you can control and influence.

13:28 – Applying these concepts to the current conversations about remote workers returning to the office

15:55 – Why the most effective leaders spend 80% of their time focused on their people and 20% on the work. (Average leaders flip these ratios.)

18:48 – How to avoid misreading non-verbals and invite people into dialogue

23:45 – Defining invisible dissent and how leaders can decide what to do with it once they’re aware of it

25:51 – Why you should humanize upper management – and how to do it.

30:00 – Skills for communicating unpopular or poorly understood decisions

31:42 – Listening without owning the other person’s emotions

33:05 – Why its so important to define who owns a decision when asking for input

34:00 – An effective way for leaders to move through dissent without asking people to change their mind or emotions.

Connect with Kellie

Twitter

LinkedIn

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My Team Doesn’t Like Me, What Should I Do? (With Video)

3 Ways to Build Deeper Influence and Connection

Of course, you know that leadership is not who likes you.  But it sucks to go to work every day when you know your team would rather be working for someone else. Plus, if your team doesn’t like you, you’re not going to have the influence you need to make an impact. So, how do you gain respect, when your team’s just not there?

This challenging and poignant question came up in one of our “Asking For a Friend” segments following a recent keynote.

“What do I do if I’m sure my team doesn’t like me? How  do I gain better influence and connection

My first response was, “It depends. Why don’t they like you?”

I’m thinking about the handful of managers I had over the years who were the epitome of a jerk at work — the bullies who crush courage with their toxic leadership behaviors or who seem to be lacking a moral compass.

Those folks had deeper issues going on and probably needed a therapist more than an executive coach.

This article is not for them, but for you, the well-intentioned, human-centered leader looking to gain the respect of their team.

3 Reasons Your Team Might Not Like You (and What to Do Next)

Here are three common reasons you could be losing influence (and what to do to regain respect and the impact you need).

1. Your behavior is sabotaging your leadership influence.

We all have blind spots and opportunities to improve our leadership and gain respect. If you sense your team doesn’t like you, start by talking with each member of the team one-on-one.

In Courageous Cultures, I share a story of a well-intentioned manager who was coming across as a bully. Thankfully, one of his team members had the guts to confront him.

What he did next made all the difference. He asked others about their perceptions, and as it turned out, his reputation was consistent.

He learned to change his tone of voice. To ask more questions. And, to enter the room more gently. Those slight modifications to his behavior, coupled with the fact that he was asking for feedback with a real intent to listen, made all the difference. He gained the respect of his team.

In our leadership development programs, we often encourage managers to complete a Do It Yourself 360 (Listening Tour), to gather this feedback. Identifying one or two areas where you really want feedback, and then going out and asking people a few questions, and summarizing the themes.

Managers tell us that this simple process is a great way to get candid feedback to improve their leadership, and it also reinforces that they really are open to change, so it lays the groundwork for psychological safety. and helps them to gain respect. They are easier to approach the next time.

2. They underestimate the value you bring.

There was one time in my career where I was absolutely certain that my team didn’t like me.

I had been promoted to lead a 2200 person retail sales team at Verizon. The problem was I had zero sales experience. Thirteen out of fourteen of my direct reports were men. And, fourteen out of fourteen had been in retail sales for their entire careers.

The Associate Director of Operations on the team, “Greg” was an absolute rock star and was the obvious successor for that role. No one on the team could believe that this “HR chick” had been “given” this job. “It was probably a diversity move.”

You can read more about how this story ends in Chapter 6 of Courageous Cultures (you can download the first few chapters of Courageous Cultures for free here).

But here’s the long story short. I showed up in the stores on Sundays (and other times no one wanted to be at work) and rolled up my sleeves to really get to know the team and their approach.

I asked lots of questions and really listened. And then, I showed up with the confidence to establish a strong vision and leverage the skills that had helped me earn that role—rallying a large team to execute a turnaround plan on their most important priorities.

The team won the President’s Award for customer growth that year. One important way to gain the respect of your team is to help them win.

3. You’re holding them accountable for the very first time (stay the course!)

Of course, it can be quite a shocker to an underperforming team, when a new manager comes in and holds them accountable for the very first time. 

If you sense that your team doesn’t like you because you’ve raised the bar, or are holding them accountable to meet expectations, check your style. Make sure you’re focused on both results AND relationships as you’re giving performance feedback) and then stay the course.

It might be rocky for a minute, but most people really do want to work on a winning team. You might lose a few slackers who will continue to think you’re a jerk, but you will build respect with the rest of your team, not to mention getting the results you need.

Leadership is not about being liked. But, respect matters, if you want to have influence and impact. It starts with understanding where the breakdown is happening and then building a deliberate plan to gain their respect.

Your turn.

What would you add?

What’s your best advice to gain respect when your team doesn’t like you?

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7 Reasons Your Feedback is Being Ignored

Start with yourself to ensure everyone can receive feedback

It’s a frustration we hear all the time. “My people aren’t coachable. They’re defensive. It’s like they have a wall and just won’t listen.” We get it. One of the most frustrating human experiences is feeling ignored or unheard. And sometimes people who can’t grow aren’t in the right position. But… there are also legitimate reasons your people ignore feedback. Eliminate these roadblocks to build teams where everyone grows together.

7 Reasons Your Feedback Is Ignored

Let’s listen to team members explain why they have a hard time hearing or acting on the feedback you might share.

1. Feedback Flood

“I’m trying to do better, I really am. But it’s all just too much. Every time we meet, he’s giving me something else to work on. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get it right, so I’ve learned to just block him out and do the best I can.”

Solution: Make change manageable. Focus on one behavior at a time.

2. Hypocrisy Part I

“My boss has talked with me three times about my communication. The other day I tried to give her some feedback about how her communication style was landing with my team. She didn’t want to hear it. Why should I listen to her if she won’t listen to anyone else?”

Solution: Listen. Reflect to connect. You don’t have to agree with everything you hear, but if you want people to hear your feedback, you’ve got to hear theirs. Role model what it looks like to be coachable and receive feedback in a healthy way.

3. Hypocrisy Part II

“My boss keeps telling me my customer courtesy credits are too high — that I’m costing the business too much money. So I really worked on that for a while. But then, I found my customers asked to speak to my supervisor. And guess, what? She always gave them the credit! She looks like the hero, and the credit she gives them goes against my numbers and I still end up on progressive action.”

Solution: Follow your own standards. If there are reasons you make exceptions, clearly differentiate and explain the thought process, so your team can do the same.

4. I Don’t Know How

“My manager says I need to be more strategic. That sounds awesome. I’m all for that. But what does that mean? How do I do that? I think I’m doing my job, but then am told I’m not strategic enough.”

Solution: Be sure your feedback is specific and actionable. Explain what success looks like in terms of specific observable behaviors.

5. I Disagree

“My supervisor keeps asking me to do this, but I just don’t think it’s right. It’s going to have a negative impact on MY customers. I’ve tried to explain my concerns, but she just keeps citing policy, and that this decision is ‘above my pay grade.'”

Solution: We all have to implement policies we may not agree with. Listen to the concerns. Once you’ve summarized what you’ve heard, then you can explain why the decision happened. Just shutting down the conversation may lead to compliance, but not always. And it certainly won’t lead to commitment. Sometimes a straightforward “I understand that you disagree – and I’m not asking you to agree. I’m asking if you can do it?” will get things moving.

6. You’re Wrong

“My boss told me this process should only take thirty minutes. That’s true, but that doesn’t include the prep time, answering questions, and follow-up to ensure the process sticks. Her thirty minutes is actually two hours.”

Solution: Make sure you have your facts straight and be open to changing your mind when the data doesn’t match your initial assessment.

7. I Don’t Know What You’re Talking About

“I had the most frustrating conversation with my boss. He told me I needed to do three things. As far as I know, I am doing all three of those things. I explained how I was doing what he was asking and he got frustrated with me. He told me not to be defensive and that those three things aren’t really what he’s talking about. It’s like he was talking around whatever it was he wanted to say. I wasn’t defensive before, but I’m getting there.”

Solution: Speak directly and avoid generalities. Describe what success looks like with specific behaviors or outcomes. If there is a challenging issue, address it directly and then offer specific objective examples of the issue.  

Performance Conversations That Work

A healthy feedback discussion is a conversation. It opens the door to communication and mutual understanding. Honing your skills and modeling receptivity will help you build a culture where everyone on your team or in your organization can speak up.

Most employees want to do a good job. If your feedback is being ignored, dig deeper to get to the root cause.

We’d love to hear from you. When feedback seems to fall on deaf ears, what else might prevent the conversation and team from moving forward?

Here are some more resources to help you have effective performance conversations:How to Provide More Meaningful Performance FeedbackLeading Performance Conversations without Losing Your CoolHow to Coach Employees to High Performance When Time is LimitedHow to Make No-good, Useless Performance Feedback Helpful

The post 7 Reasons Your Feedback is Being Ignored appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Inspired to Inspire with Lance Tanaka

Leaders who want to inspire others need inspiration themselves. That inspiration is your purpose. Join us for a conversation with former Pepsi Cola and Cole Haan executive Lance Tanaka to learn how you can identify your gifting, find your passion, and build the discipline to take the steps that will help you achieve your dream. Get inspired to inspire in this heartfelt episode.

Dream and Achieve: Get Inspired to Inspire Your People

2:09 – We begin with a look back at when classmates asked Lance to run for student body president. It was a time when he didn’t see himself as a leader.

6:12 – Next we discuss the 7-9 elements that everyone needs in their life. These things cannot be ignored and are a source of powerful leadership energy. When you align these elements they become a source of powerful energy. It’s that sense that you’re doing what you were meant to be doing.

8:07 – Then we look at the trap leaders can fall into by comparing themselves to other leaders.

9:24 – Next, Lance talks about the notion of “north” vs “true north” and how leaders get caught in paralysis by looking for one exact path. It is more effective to know the general direction and get moving.

12:06 – Then we discuss the misconception that leaders must have charisma. Rather, they need authenticity.

17:00 – How to find the elements and gifts that are critical to your purpose and being inspired to inspire.

21:13 – Next, Lance helps us understand why we might shy away from some of our elements and gifts when we need to embrace them.

23:00 – How to use your elements and gifts to choose directions and next steps.

25:42 – Then we look at the challenge of focusing on your weaknesses as opposed to gifts and strengths.

29:00 – Next, we examine more elements and gifts to help you find yours.

32:00 – As we focus on elements and gifts, you want to explore them in four areas: who, what, where, and when.

41:35 – Next, Lance explains the Choice Matrix, a tool to help you make decisions in alignment with your elements and gifts.

Connect with Lance

Tanaka in Three Podcast

Company Website

Dream and Achieve Course

Company LinkedIn

Lance’s LinkedIn

Get Lance’s Book

The post Inspired to Inspire with Lance Tanaka appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.