William Elliott azelgrove's Blog, page 7

We Need a Jonas Salk Now... Salks's Polio Vaccine

Marc 26, 1953. Parents of that generation will not forget that day. A man named Jonas Salk announced on a national radio show he had developed a vaccine for polio. We now can imagine what this felt like as there was an epidemic that year with 58,000 cases with more than 300 dying.  But of course this disease known as "infant paralysis" because it attacked the very young left many paralyzed including a 39 year old Franklin Delanor  Roosevelt. And polio was a virus that was transmitted easily and required quarantines and the "iron lung" an early ventilator.

Along comes Jonas Salk a researcher who was awarded a grant to develop a polio vaccine in 1948. His method was not radical but it had been tried before in the 1930s by Maurice Brody without success.  Salk would kill the virus then inject strains into a persons  bloodstream to create the antibodies that would give the person immunity. Salk conducted experiments on himself and his own family and by 1953 he was ready to tell the world he had found the vaccine to stop the horrible scourge of polio.
In 1954 two million school children were inoculated and by 1955 the vaccine was declared safe and effective. A defective vaccine in 1955 almost derailed the program when 200,000 people were injected with the faulty formula and thousands of people became infected. Now polio has virtually been wiped out. Jonas Salk was awarded Presidential Medal of Freedom. We really need a Jonas Salk now. "Rocket Man is the funniest novel since Russo's Straight Man."

Chicago Sun Times


"Rocket Man is a hilarious, well written novel about one man's search for the New American Dream." James Frey, author A Million Little Pieces and Bright Shiny Morning

Why Dont' We Use The China Model?

So we can all agree China has stopped the virus. Even China haters must agree on this. And they did it by quarantining the whole country. They now have no new cases. There was a lot in the media about how horrible it was for China to make all their people stay in their homes and how we would never do that. Maybe we should. The piecemeal effort by the Western Democracies is not working  in fact it is failing horribly. Look at Italy, Britain...and the US. 

New York has still not issued a Shelter In Place Order. California has told everyone to stay in their homes. And then of course China tested everyone and then tracked them through cellphone technology. Why the United States cant seem to test in large numbers is a head scratcher. Same with the masks, gowns, gloves that are all in short supply and of course beds and ventilators. China built a monstrous hospital in a few weeks. Why cant we do that?

During World War I and World War II certain freedoms were suspended for the common good. Walking the line between doing some things and not others does not seem to be working. If your ship is sinking and another ship has managed to stay afloat then you want to be on that ship...or at least know how they bailed out the water. "Rocket Man is the funniest novel since Russo's Straight Man."

Chicago Sun Times


"Rocket Man is a hilarious, well written novel about one man's search for the New American Dream." James Frey, author A Million Little Pieces and Bright Shiny Morning

Zithromax and Plaquenil Stop Coronovirus

Whenever I get the flu I always take a Z Pack. Zithromax is the nuclear option for influenza and always kills it. I get the flu almost every year and a Z pack does it in quickly. I was wondering if this amazing drug was being given to Covid19 patients. The doctors would always say to me well it is a virus but if you feel it is going into an infection take the ZPack. I took it every time right away and every time it stopped my cough and shortened the flu. I have been taking this for over twenty years and the doctors always say well it is a virus...so the Zithromax should not have an effect. Uh huh.

Now Zithromax is back. The French did a study of an old malarial drug from the fifties called Hydroxychlorquine or Plaquenil and gave coronovirus patients the combination. Here is the results. ZPack and Hydroxychlorquine study  The point is the malarial drug along with the Zpack stops coronovirus. My question for all these people on ventilators is HAVE THEY BEEN GIVEN ZITHROMAX??? I wonder. Now Trump just touted the malarial drug as a possible therapy and Zithromax is the antibiotic of choice that stops the virus. Hmmm.

My gut is that doctors don't fully understand the interaction between a drug like Zithromax and a virus. The bacterial component seems to come on very early and this is what kills people. So the good news is you can ask your doctor for Plaquenil if you test positive. It has been in use for a very long time and demand a Z Pack along with it. And if they say its a virus, say give me the fucking drug. That's what I always say. "Rocket Man is the funniest novel since Russo's Straight Man."

Chicago Sun Times


"Rocket Man is a hilarious, well written novel about one man's search for the New American Dream." James Frey, author A Million Little Pieces and Bright Shiny Morning

Bats Don't Party

Oh I wont get it. Good to be on the beach. What up with all those old people hiding in their homes? Hope I die before I get old. Pass the suntan lotion. Yeah baby. Beers. Pina Colodas. Good to be in the sun of Florida. Here let me rub that on you. Shotgun the beer. Good to be out of the parents basement! Coronowhat? Not like I'm going to get it. I'll just wipe out my parents and grandparents and that old man who hangs out in the park. But you know what, it's good to be king!

Oh wow. 40 percent. Forty percent of the people in hospitals are age 20 to 54. Huh. What up with that? All that youth doesn't stand a chance against a virus from a bat in China. Bats don't party. Bats like darkness in caves where strange viruses mutate. Still why should I not enjoy spring break? You know people act likes its Pearl Harbor or some shit. I heard after Pearl Harbor things got so bad the government quit telling people the news. Hey it's not like we are in a war or anything.

Still whats with the bars closing and the restaurants? Where are all the people? I mean we are on the beach but everyone else is like MIA. Yeah well. You know what. Its sunny. The ocean is blue. Life is good...Right? Yo...shoot me a beer. "Rocket Man is the funniest novel since Russo's Straight Man."

Chicago Sun Times


"Rocket Man is a hilarious, well written novel about one man's search for the New American Dream." James Frey, author A Million Little Pieces and Bright Shiny Morning

Those Black Headlines...I Say Read Them Only Once

My agent said she is having a hard time focusing. Of course. Nothing like working under the black cloak of the apocalypse. And if you are not sure it is the apocalypse then just go online and start reading. Now my normal routine is to read the NY TIMES and then start to work. Now it is like trying to get through some very dark woods at midnight hearing all sorts of sounds and seeing creatures lurking just beyond the path. Fight or flight. That is what those headlines trigger. A fight or flight response and the problem is there is no fight and really, there is no flight short of packing up and running for the hills.

The truth is we get the news anyway. We get it ten times over. One reason the market and everyone else is so freaked out is that in our uber connected age we are getting bombarded not with just a little bad news but truckloads and if you did not get it the first time then you got it ten times more. The point is a lot of this news is redundant. How many times can we be told we are out of ventilators, swabs, masks, gowns, beds, and short on hospitals. Probably a hundred if you go online and then watch the news at night or get the alerts in your phone. How many times can we watch the market tank over and over and over and over.

The truth is if you have work to do then going online and checking the news once is probably sufficient. This is not night of the living dead. The virus is not marching up to your front door. But we feel that way. The fear is mind numbing and it can knock out all focus. So I would say read it once, probably toward the end of the day or over lunch and then go about your work. By evening you will still know it is in fifty states a hospital ship is on the way to NY and California, we probably will all end up getting a thousand dollars and someone got injected with a potential vaccine and the market tanked again. Important information, you just dont need to know all this over, and over, and over, and over, and over....and if you do, then you get it from your phone, your radio, your alexa, your computer, your television, your paper.."Rocket Man is the funniest novel since Russo's Straight Man."

Chicago Sun Times


"Rocket Man is a hilarious, well written novel about one man's search for the New American Dream." James Frey, author A Million Little Pieces and Bright Shiny Morning

Hamilton was the Tom Hanks of his time; People Stopped Shaking Hands 230 Years Before with Yellow Fever

We have been down this road before. America had a yellow fever epidemic in the early years of the republic. In Philadelphia the city was besieged with victims belching up black vomit. Like Coronovirus the disease was foreign born coming from the West Indies. A wet spring in Philadelphia gave way to a hot summer that produced a bumper crop of mosquitoes spreading the disease. Philadelphians began practicing social distancing by walking in the streets and staying away from crowds. People stopped shaking hands and covered their noses with cloths dipped in vinegar and chewed on garlic. Twenty thousand people fled the city with barely enough government employees left to run the country (Philadelphia was the Washington of our time)

Then the rock star of government Alexander Hamilton along with his wife came down with the disease. The treatment he received was standard. Alexander and his wife went to a cottage and there a Dr. Rush began administering his yellow fever medicine. First he bled his patients. Then he emptied the Hamilton's bowels four times and for good measure induced vomiting. This regiment was given three times in one day. The Hamiltons could barely move. Finally the Hamiltons began to recover but then their real adventure began.

They were blocked from entering the city. People didn't believe they had been cured. The opposition party said the opposite that Hamilton was faking it. Then when they let them in the city they wouldn't allow his carriage or belongings thinking they were carrying the yellow fever. Eventually the epidemic subsided and people returned to the city. Life returned to normal. "Rocket Man is the funniest novel since Russo's Straight Man."

Chicago Sun Times


"Rocket Man is a hilarious, well written novel about one man's search for the New American Dream." James Frey, author A Million Little Pieces and Bright Shiny Morning

Maybe we should take a page from George Washington's Vaccine for Smallpox

A year and a half. That's what the experts are saying to get a vaccine. I don't think so. Not now. Scientists want safe clinical trials followed by a year of leisurely testing. Maybe they should take a page out of George Washington's remedy for smallpox in 1779. Smallpox was the killer of their time. Washington had the disease when he was seventeen and had developed immunity but his army was dying in droves. He had to do something or as he wrote a friend, his army would soon be wiped out. So he implemented his  own vaccine program.

Smallpox produces a small pustule full of puss on the skin. Washington had doctors begin inoculating his entire army against the disease by a simple but ingenious method. An infected patient would have his pustules cut and the puss drawn off. Then a cut was made in a healthy solider and a small amount of puss rubbed into the wound. This triggered an immune response in the healthy solider as he became sick. Washington had beds and beds of sick soldiers who had mild cases of smallpox from the puss but who would then recover with immunity.

He had the entire army go through this crude inoculation and basically stopped the disease. It was the fist mass inoculation in America and it worked. We are now faced with a disease where we need a vaccine asap. Our ability to think out of the box and bring this vaccine to people will be put to the test. George Washington was not going to sit by and watch people die. Neither should we. "Rocket Man is the funniest novel since Russo's Straight Man."

Chicago Sun Times


"Rocket Man is a hilarious, well written novel about one man's search for the New American Dream." James Frey, author A Million Little Pieces and Bright Shiny Morning

Tips for Working at Home from a Writer Who Has Always Worked at Home

Make your bed. First thing. You need order. Then get dressed. Sweats or whatever is fine but the pajama thing makes you feel like you are at home. Have breakfast. At least coffee. I prefer a big breakfast. Then have a work space. If it is your kitchen table so be it but it has to be your space. Routine Routine Routine. It has allowed me to write seventeen books. This is not a vacation. If you turn it into that then nothing will get done.

Work nine to five. Or longer but don't stretch it into the night or you will quickly burn out. Take  a lunch. This gives you a break and you get hungry. Thirty minutes is about right. Go any longer and you lose all your momentum. The thing is to treat working at home like working at work. If you treat it like being at home you will lose your productivity. Dont go off into the side-tasks. Put in some laundry fine but keep away from all those things nagging at you like cleaning the kitchen or fixing that faucet. That is for the weekend.

Work five days a week and take the weekends off like everyone else. You will need it to recharge. Fit a workout into your routine. One of the perks of working at home. In the morning or at lunch or in the evening. An office in your home is optimal. One that no one will bother you and by the way let everyone know you are working like when you are in the office and not to be disturbed. If you start to burn out then move your office around. Work outside if it is nice. Very good for energy. Play the radio if silence bothers you. Classical or jazz no words to listen too.

But when the day is over turn off the light and leave the work at your desk, it will be there tomorrow. Just like when you worked in an office.

William Hazelgrove "Rocket Man is the funniest novel since Russo's Straight Man."

Chicago Sun Times


"Rocket Man is a hilarious, well written novel about one man's search for the New American Dream." James Frey, author A Million Little Pieces and Bright Shiny Morning

The Great Toilet Paper Run During the Pandemic of 2020

There isn't any! The man is running down the aisle with that look. You know the Covid19 look of panic. The virus could be in the next aisle or in the next checkout line. It is nine AM but he and I have just found out we are too late. The Great Toilet Paper Run of the 2020 pandemic is on. What is it about toilet paper that people feel they must have. The food aisles are full, meat is in abundance, water is flowing. Cleaning products are still to be found. But toilet paper is a great vast space on the shelves next to the paper towels.

It is a primal need. One must have toilet paper. Apparently the colonists settled for corncobs when nothing else was available. The famous Sears Roebuck catalogs of the nineteenth and early twentieth century was to to be found in many outhouses all over America. Just tear a page out and you were set. Before that maybe people didn't use anything. During times of plague maybe it just wasn't a concern. But now we have people who are buying mass quantities. Some are suspected of entering the toilet paper black market with their purchases and getting top dollar for people to have the privilege of being able to still have their necessities.

But I have been given my charge. Do not come back without toilet paper. The man who declared we were too late is frantically going up and down the aisle and is now staring at the last rolls of paper towels. That is a rough alternative but necessity is the mother of invention. I turn around and see a large brown box in the aisle. Some stocking employee had left it there and inside I see an eight roll pack. I grab it and run for the checkout, passing the man who had just settled on the last roll of paper towels. I found the last one, I shout. He stares at me and shakes his head...SHIT!

Exactly.



William Hazelgrove "Rocket Man is the funniest novel since Russo's Straight Man."

Chicago Sun Times


"Rocket Man is a hilarious, well written novel about one man's search for the New American Dream." James Frey, author A Million Little Pieces and Bright Shiny Morning

Giving Speeches During the 2020 Pandemic

No handshaking. Easier than it sounds. Keep your hands clasped behind your back. Sometimes people still come on and there is the hand. Sorry. I cant. Oh. The hand retracts. Spray down the podium. The microphone. You never know. Keep your distance as you work the crowd. Go and wash your hands several times before you go on. Then you are behind your podium. Your barrier. From here on it is a cakewalk as the audience is in the dark and you are up by the screen.

Some questions. And then the lights come up. Some people want to talk. Keep your hands clasped behind your back. You take a few steps back and most people respect the distance. But then comes the woman who has to tell you about her family history. And she does not know the meaning of personal space. She comes on. Did I tell you about my family? No. You take a few steps back and she takes a few forward. So they came over in 1665... Uh huh. She comes closer. You take another step back.

Now you are backed into the wall and still she comes on. So I researched and what I found....Now she has you. You have no where to go as your back hits the wall. You are within the three feet the CDC says to avoid. She is coming in for the kill. You pivot and take refuge behind the book table. It has become your moat. Well thank you for coming you say, grabbing your hand sanitizer. It doesn't matter. If she has the virus you probably have it by now. "Rocket Man is the funniest novel since Russo's Straight Man."

Chicago Sun Times


"Rocket Man is a hilarious, well written novel about one man's search for the New American Dream." James Frey, author A Million Little Pieces and Bright Shiny Morning