Keren Dibbens-Wyatt's Blog, page 22

66. Gambler (Empathy, Lent 7)

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Gamblers do not walk around with “I am a gambler” tattooed on their foreheads. Your everyday addict isn’t easy to spot. The only time I’ve really come across them is after they have fallen headlong into the place of no return, when they’ve lost their spouse/kids/family home. I haven’t had much experience of them, I don’t have an addictive personality myself, and I know that makes me fortunate. So it is hard to stop and think about how it might feel to be one.

I’m not one of those people who say “I can stop any time I like.” I know I have a problem. I do have a system, but it is failing me. The trouble is, it’s like I started rolling down a hill, and now I can’t stop, even if I wanted to. I am out of control. It’s like I had ten drinks and I think the next one will take me to Wonderland and everything will be fine and I’ll finally be able to stop and enjoy the high. If I were next to a red button that said “do not push,” I would press it. I need to see what happens next. I need the danger, the risk, otherwise my life is boring, pointless. Maybe I’ll win big and my whole life will be different. You can’t tell me for sure it won’t. People win the lottery every day.

 

Photo and text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017

Incidentally, if you missed me yesterday, I was “on strike” for International Women’s Day.

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65. Glamour Model (Empathy, Lent 6)

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This really is a hard one for me to get my feminist head around. But here goes.

It’s my body, and what I do with it is my choice. No-one has control over my sexuality and how I choose to express it. The system is always going to be against women so I might as well squeeze what I can out of a world that is going to judge me by my body anyway. I like the attention I get and it boosts my self-esteem. I like the feeling of power it gives me. I like the money too. I know some women think it’s wrong, but I find it liberating. I think the world can be prudish and I’ve got it so I’m flaunting it. When I’m older, my bank account and I will be glad I did.

All valid points, seen in a certain light, and leaving out the effects it all has on the patriarchal system and on other women. This view is one I see a lot, and if you want to know what I think about it, you can read my book Positive Sisterhood! But though the sexual exploitation of women makes me sad and angry, my anger is rarely directed towards the girls (they often are girls) and women involved. As with most oppressive things, it is inherent in the system, as Monty Python cheerfully tells us (whilst being flagrantly sexist itself within the accepted parameters of the time). But yes, looked at individualistically like this, I can totally understand and empathise, and this will help me to find better ways of explaining my own stance, as well as stop me sitting back in judgement.

Photo and text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017

 

64. Atheist (Empathy, Lent 5)

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Thinking about all the people I might struggle to identify with, and you might be surprised to find that in some ways, atheists are not too hard for me to have empathy with. God, the knowledge of his existence and goodness permeates, well, everything in my life, and so trying to think of a world, of even a breath, without him, simply doesn’t compute. And yet, I have a deeply analytical, logical mind, and can totally see how, without encounter, that might lead to deep, humanistic thoughts.

Two of my favourite writers, Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, were atheists; they were also admirably compassionate people. Whereas Sir Pterry did teeter on the edge of agnosticism on occasion, Adams described himself as a “radical” atheist.

I will let him speak for himself today: “God used to be the best explanation we’d got, and we’ve now got vastly better ones. God is no longer an explanation of anything, but has instead become something that would itself need an insurmountable amount of explaining. So I don’t think that being convinced that there is no god is as irrational or arrogant a point of view as belief that there is.” (excerpt from Adams’ interview with American Atheists in 1998)

Adams had a vast intelligence, but as I’ve said in other articles, genius can blind us to spiritual truths. There is not much point arguing God’s existence by logical means, though many have tried. His existence is extremely logical, that isn’t the problem. The problem is that the type of mind that wants to have God proven logically, is not prepared to take evidence of heart and soul into account. Any apologist who leaves out the heart of the matter is diluting God to the point where he might be explained away. And that can lead to all sorts of problems, as Adams ironically (and aware of the irony) well knew….

“Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bog-gglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.

The argument goes something like this: `I refuse to prove that I exist,’ says God, `for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.’

`But,’ says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.’

`Oh dear,’ says God, `I hadn’t thought of that,’ and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.

`Oh, that was easy,’ says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets

himself killed on the next zebra crossing.” (from Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams)

It can be hard to respect and empathise with a viewpoint so different from one’s own, but a sense of humour, respect and dignity, are vital, as is remaining calm. Passion is often misunderstood.  Besides stupidity (like denying the age of fossils), there is nothing more damaging to a logical apologist’s argument, than the tell-tale steam coming out of her ears.  In my view, we are always better off living love as our witness of God’s heart.

If you would like to read my article “The Blindness of Genius” you can find it here http://jellyjots.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/the-blindness-of-genius.html

 

Photo and text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017

 

63. Pharisee (Empathy, Lent 4)

 

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Yesterday we ended by reminding ourselves not to be pharisaic. Well, maybe then, we need to look through the eyes of our inner Pharisee for a day, just to get a better understanding of why they look down on other people, and even themselves at times. Yes, I do think our inner Pharisees are driven as much by self-loathing as by the need to think themselves better than everyone else.

Look, I know I am better than them, because I try so much harder. I work at it. I push myself. God helps those who help themselves, you know. And he does. Look at where I am now, so far above all these layabouts and sinners! I’m saved, and now I can sit back and tell other people how to become as holy as I am, as close to the Lord as I am. I am helping them, really, by showing them such a good example. And I truly believe that if everyone were as strict with themselves as I am, if they really disciplined their minds and hearts to believe and feel the way I do, with calculated logic and good sense, then the world would be a better, more regimented place. We could leave all these dreadful, sinful urges behind us and really control ourselves, and our lives too.

There truly is no-one who does not look down their nose at other people at one time or another. And we think we are justified in doing so until we catch ourselves at it. Sometimes the prayer of examen (laying one’s soul bare before the Lord for correction and in repentance) also involves finding ways to be kind and compassionate to one’s own faults. That way we can hopefully extend mercy to those who share those same burdens.

 

Photo and text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017

62. Onesie Woman (Empathy, Lent 3)

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Photo from Pixabay

We’ll be talking about class a bit during these pieces, because it is still alive and thriving, despite what you may have been told. Rumours of its demise started by John Major, turned out to be greatly exaggerated. I know that as an educated person, albeit working class, I can be guilty of it myself. A snicker when I see someone wearing a cheap leopard print onesie on their way to the school run or the supermarket. A snide sideways glance when someone buys 40 fags and the Sun “news”paper.” So, let’s use those magic glasses of empathy again….

What I wear is nobody’s business but mine. I’m decent, comfortable and clean. The pattern is the one is all my favourite shops, and the fashionistas wear it too. My friends like it on me. Cheap and cheerful? Well, that’s me, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m only going 2 miles in the car, or I’m picking up a pack of bog roll and some dog food. It’s not the sodding Oscars, is it? No, I like to be myself, I like to be like my friends too sometimes. We talk about the soaps and what’s in the papers, so I keep up with it. I have a brain in my head too, and I use it. I sing my little boy to sleep each night after giving him and my fella a nice tea, and I read him a story too. I’m a good mum, a good partner, and a good friend. End of.

Yes. Quite right. We are so daft to separate ourselves and judge one another by external things, by the things that bind us to our groups. None of that is the sum total of us. Besides which, I virtually live in pyjamas and leggings, so I can’t talk. When did we stop saying “salt of the earth” and start saying “scum of the earth”? And wasn’t that down to those very same “news”papers? I would do well to remember that scum is exactly the position Paul says Christians need to hold in society as true apostles. Looking down our noses is for Pharisees (and we all have one of those peering out of our souls, I’m sure!).

“We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. We have become the scum of the earth, the garbage of the world – right up to this moment.” 1 Corinthians 4: 12-13 NIV

text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017

61. Busy Bee (Empathy, Lent 2)

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As someone with almost zero energy (due to a chronic illness), it is a mystery to me how some people can buzz around doing so much. Sometimes I find it tempting to be envious, when they have a million and one things done by the end of the day, and I’m so exhausted and in pain that I haven’t even managed to get dressed.

So today I will use my contemplative eye to imagine how it feels to be like that.

A list as long as your arm and I’m up and bouncing, with or without caffeine, at 7am. So much to do! It is not that I like rushing, particularly, sometimes I’d like to sit and concentrate on something for more than five minutes, without my body twitching and my mind itching to be off to the next thing. Sometimes I look at the quiet ones and the thinkers, and wonder what it’s like to be so seemingly serene. Calm oases for me are still full of chatter: mealtimes, catching up with friends or family, but it feeds my batteries. I love being with people. My big heart enjoys hearing about their days, and I make sure I do everything I can to help them get what they need. I take pride in being capable, I’m a stickler for cleanliness and I live my life to the full. I overflow with kindness and giving of my ability to get things done. I can’t be doing with lazing around, sitting still, being quiet. Who wants to do that? I’d much rather be zipping along, walking the dogs, teaching,  ferrying the old people and the kids about, listening to their woes, giving advice, I am giving cheer wherever I go and at the end of the day I can sigh, smile and be glad that I achieved so much. I fall into a deep sleep and look forward to everything I can get done tomorrow.

And oh, how we need people like this, the doers, the ones we can trust to get things sorted out. I find interactions exhausting and I am grateful that there are people who find them exhilarating, and who can drive here and there and be relied upon for so many important tasks. And if they enjoy it, so much the better. This is not what I am like at all, and though I long to get lots done, now I’ve looked at it in this way, I feel easier about my difference, and more grateful to the “busy bees” I know.

Photo and text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017

60. Turning the Tables (Lent 1)

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During Lent I’ll be trying to expand my empathy circuits by looking through the eyes of those with very different viewpoints to my own. I am not sure yet how this will affect my accompanying photography, it might be a little less spontaneous for this season. This remains part of our year-long topic of contemplative sight. Understanding others and widening our outlook is such as important part of spiritual seeing that I wanted to take longer over it than our other subjects.

Like one of my favourite literary characters, Granny Weatherwax (from Pratchett’s Discworld series) we are going to do a little borrowing. Granny puts her mind in another creature’s, and goes wandering in the world, leaving her body looking comatose on the eiderdown. Those who have popped round for a bottle of pig ointment have sometimes mistaken her “elsewhere”-ness for having passed over, and so she took to wearing the above sign to avoid further misunderstandings. I want to show how it is possible to take a short “borrow” of someone else’s mind set in order to develop compassion and understanding.

A word of warning to myself and my readers, though. We must be aware that in doing this, we are bringing our own prejudices with us. We are never going to be able to cast our own lens out, it will remain present. But we can nevertheless explore unknown territory through the eyes of another, even if the vista is still tainted by our own viewpoints. It’s a bit like trying to understand why someone else’s favourite dessert is Baked Alaska, when our taste buds are longing for apple pie; it does take a force of will and a resignation that we aren’t going to get it completely. To try is a worthwhile goal and will teach us a little something, I hope.

text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017

 

59. Potential

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So, we have spent the past fortnight looking at how to see with potential in mind. It has shown us that whilst some things have an obvious potential, like a bud or a seed, other things are less obvious in showing us what they might turn out to be. Some things can go either way, having, like us and our actions, the potential for good or harm. Some things that seem as though they might be wonderful, end up a mess, and others that seem like nothing much can come of them become truly awe-inspiring. When looking at something, we need to hold that spectrum of potential in balance. Holding space around a paradox is difficult, but more and more I think it is part of spiritual maturity.

What’s more, spotting that potential is also part of a new kind of seeing, if we are looking for it. I picked up the book pictured in the local library on a rare trip out of the house, simply because the cover was so unbelievably drab, that I thought, the insides must be either amazing, or dull too! And my hopes were rewarded, as I have now discovered a wondrous writer I had never heard of before. I did judge a book by its cover, but not the way that the world usually does, and it paid off.

Throughout Lent we shall be continuing to look at new sight, but for the whole time on one theme, that of empathy, especially, how we can look at things through the eyes of another, rather than solely through our own.

N.B. I shall no longer be posting on a Sunday (I have posted, but not written on a Sunday this year, but even bloggers need a breathing space) and it will keep Lent to the traditional forty days.

Photo and text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017

 

58. Specs (potential)

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I need new glasses. I have got to that point where middle age has suddenly made all the print on packets and labels shrink so small that I can’t make it out at all. I have a magnifying glass slipped into my Bible, and it’s getting harder and harder to paint detail or read. Thank goodness in Word I can make the font as big as a house and nobody needs to know.

But as well as the physical energy required to have an eye test even at home (and that’s before I think about the cost), there is a little bit of fear mixed in to what new glasses and new sight might bring. What if it makes everything loom large and I can see all my mistakes in glorious detail? What if I don’t like this new, bright world that might appear? What if I prefer the way things look through a squint? I know these fears are daft, especially as I’m so fortunate as to live in a country where there is eye care so readily available, but any kind of new seeing has the potential to be both a good thing, and to bring new difficulties. Once you start to see clearly, it changes how you think. Jesus knew this, and spoke about the renewal of our spiritual sight often. Well, maybe it is time to embrace his words, and get the lamp of my soul seen to. Maybe a whole new vista will open up to me.

Photo and text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017

57. Rain (potential)

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If you are a pluviophile like me, you don’t just not mind the rain, you love it. It seems bizarre that the weather forecasters talk about it so negatively, and that other people find it a miserable thing. I love the sound that it makes and the torrid abandonment of its falling. When I was well I used to dance and sing in it (and not just because I was a little bit in love with Gene Kelly). I would relish walking and running in the rain.

These days, I’m very rarely outside, but I do love to watch the rain, and to hear it thudding down. It keeps the power tools in their sheds and other noises at bay. But rain does have the potential to spoil days as well as make them, however much we love or need it. No-one likes rain on their wedding day, or when they have planned a picnic. Like holding a fuzzy filter over this photo, rain does create a sheen over the day’s events, and curtail what we might do with our time, even though it also sometimes brings us the joy of a promise bow in the sky.

Photo and text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017