Theresa Van Spankeren's Blog, page 10

Brief Excerpt of Lost Soul

I don't usually post this snippet of the book. I have decided to post this once for personal reasons. This excerpt includes a spoiler. Read at your own risk or delight.


Sometime later I awoke and stared around the darkened room in confusion. I could have sworn I heard a child crying. Sitting up, I listened intently. I heard deep and even breathing from beside me. I glanced to my left and saw Samuel sleeping soundly next to me. It was only now that I realized the crying I thought I heard had been part of a dream. My daughter was dead. There were no children in this house.
I stared at the far wall as I was overwhelmed by the grief I had tried so hard not to feel. I drew up my knees and wrapped my arms around them tightly. Sobs racked me, the hard silent ones that nearly make one double over in anguish, but don’t make a verbal sound. There were barely any tears that fell; it seemed as if the pain was too deep for them to come. I began to rock with my eyes tightly clenched shut, silently trapped in my own private world of agony.
“Julia?” Samuel whispered. My rocking must have woken him; I had yet to make a verbal sound. I couldn’t answer him and he spoke again. “Julia, is that you? Are you all right?”
I rocked faster and opened my mouth to answer him, but my throat seemed to be closed off. I heard him sit up and I turned my head towards him and opened my eyes. My vision suddenly blurred with the tears that had refused to come until now.
“Oh, Julia . . . .” Samuel murmured, reaching out to touch my shoulder. At his touch, I unraveled from my awkward position and practically flung myself at him.
“My baby . . . gone forever,” I whispered as I burst into tears. I had landed against his chest and I felt his arms wrap around me, holding me close. He said nothing else but stroked my hair as he held me, until I fell into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

Latest Musings

I wanted to write something very inspiring after the events of the last week or two. Or is it three now? I have found myself unable to do so. Mostly, I felt quite numb when I reached for the words I wanted.

No, numb isn't the right word. Mournful probably works better. I quoted Jim Butcher after those events, because I had just read those words hours before and they haunted me as I watched the events unfold in Dallas.
And I didn't have any better words of my own.

No one should have to die. Not the people in Orlando a month ago, the young men earlier last week, nor the police in Dallas. This country has issues, one of which is racism. But it is not one-sided. There are people on all sides that seem to stroke the fires. There seems to be so much hate everywhere. Why?

Many blame guns. Extra gun control laws will not help. We need to figure out why the laws we already have failed. The Orlando shooter was employed as a security guard. He PASSED the background checks... He was investigated twice by the FBI, but apparently he was never flagged in a way that it could be caught by those checks.

Similarly, there needs to be a way for mental health issues to actually be reported for background checks, and a way for those people to stay in hospitals and treatment centers where they can get help. There's some legislation out there that requires some reporting, but it seems much of it is neglected somehow. Sadly, sometimes there had been warning signs. We need to figure out how to report such issues while preserving a sense of privacy for those people.

Finally, I return to to the crux of the issue. It is attitude. I don't know how or when it happened, but there seems to be a growing lack of empathy for other humans. There is a lack of respect and love for life. And until that changes, the hate and killing will continue.

We may not be able to stop all the monsters from escaping. But we owe it to our family and friends to try and stop someone from becoming one. Turn anger, pain, and mistrust into compassion, respect, and understanding. You may not understand how it is to be exactly in this person's shoes in a situation, but there must be common, similar ground somewhere to use for bonding.

Bonding and Connecting keeps us human. Hope lets us endure. Let's embrace that.

Upcoming Events!

Hello everyone! I wanted to inform you about events that will be ongoing over the next month.

On July 1st, I will be participating in a Brains to Books takeover event for Indie Pride Day. You can find out more information here: https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/.... There are many authors and genres participating in this event. I will also be featured on one of the blog tours as well.

I have my own thread under Paranormal at 12am/pm EST which will be 11am CST. Just find the "Paranormal" thread and scroll down until you see my name.

Coinciding with this event will be a Goodreads giveaway for Lost Soul that will run through the month of July. The Kindle version of the book will also be available for a discounted price through July 4th for Amazon and Amazon.uk.

Hope to see you there!

Update and Big Thank You

I know it has been awhile since I got a blog post out. Things have been busy with work and other things. Like being addicted to the Dresden Files.

I wanted to send out a huge thank you to those who brought copies of books 1 & 2 on the Kindle Countdown sales, as well as those who spread the word. I hope the readers enjoy them!

Work on Book 3 is at a crawl, but is moving forward in tiny increments at the moment. Revision in certain spots of the book is a lot more work than I initially anticipated, but that's why I'm looking at it with fresh eyes instead of rushing it out. I believe my readers will be more satisfied in the long run even if it is a longer wait.

I had a delightful author interview earlier this month. If you missed it, you can check it out here :
https://architectsofworldsafar.wordpr... .

I am still planning a Goodreads giveaway for Lost Soul in either July or August. I'll keep you all posted about that.

Not My Usual Blog Post

I try not to get into ranting about about 'trivial' things like TV shows, movies, and the like. I tell myself that it isn't real, there's no reason to get so upset, etc. Most of the time that thinking works. This time it didn't.

Mind you, I've had a week to cool down. I wanted to go on a tirade within hours of this show's episode but I restrained myself to give my thoughts a chance to sort themselves. I'm still ticked. The show I'm referring to would be NCIS. If you are a fan and haven't watched last week's episode yet, STOP reading now.

This is a rant.


They killed Ziva!! How could they kill Ziva? The nerve! The audacity! The "I can't believe you just did that... you have got to be freaking kidding me!"

Let me explain. I know not everyone liked Ziva, some fans probably wished her dead more than once. However, when Cote de Pablo left NCIS. three years ago, I had believed her character had avoided the fate of almost every important and semi-important female character on the show. Namely, Ziva had left, psychically battered... but alive. I celebrated that exit.

Alas, Ziva's ultimate fate was finally revealed last week when she joined the likes of Kate Todd, Jenny Shepard, and Diane Sterling among others. You see, female characters tend to end up dead a lot on this show.
I really don't know why. I don't understand why every major female character dies - violently no less.

It didn't used to bother me. At first I shrugged it off, thought I was overreacting. The fictional female body count kept rising though. Yes, male characters died too, but with the exception of Mike Franks, or now Tom Morrow, those male characters were cut-outs.

And now, it has started to irk me. Ziva (and DiNozzo) could have had a simple non-violent ending. They could have left Ziva's character alone, but instead they had to kill her. Why? So they could say they left no major female character alive?

DiNozzo better take that daughter of theirs and run far away. Bishop and Abby better watch out. Other than Fornell's daughter, they are the only major female characters left in the show. And if history continues to repeat itself, neither character will get a happy ever after.

The Revision Process

As many of you know, I have been working on revising Book 3 of the War of Destiny series. Occasionally, I have found that the re-writing comes easily and the words flow without trouble. Usually though, it is more of a struggle as I try to figure out words to better convey what I was trying to get across.

And there's those times when I realize I need to restructure a large portion of (if not the entire) chapter. These are the times I feel the most frustrated because I feel I am making no progress. Honestly, I spend a lot of time rereading the offending chapter and deciding what would best fix it. Is it too short or long? (How is that even decided?) Do I need to break up a long sequence of event(s)? How is that best accomplished? A triple star or a new chapter? Do I need to add material to make the break or new chapter work?

I am at one of those spots now. I console myself that I am making progress, even if it is only a few pages a week.

Reading and Writing, Is There Anything Better?

Reading and writing, is there anything better? I have made progress in both of my current reads, "The Woman in Crimson" and "The Bride Wore Dead." One is a horror story and the other is a mystery book. I've enjoyed alternating between them. I have no problem doing so. Do you have trouble reading multiple books at once, or is it like watching your favorite TV shows?

Of course, I have more Dresden waiting in the wings and the third installment of the William Bradshaw series (among other books). I can't complain about having nothing to read anymore, lol.

On the writing front, I've been making slow but steady progress. I'm taking my time and putting myself into each character's shoes so-to-speak. I believe it is essential for these scenes to make them deep, emotional, and most importantly, believable. Hopefully, I have accomplished these goals. I will find out soon. :) Time to muse, (write?) and get to bed.

First Look at Book 3

Hi everyone! I promised to have a peek at book 3 up so I am living up to that promise. It is still early in the revision/editing process but I wanted to give my readers a little peek. I hope you enjoy it, although fair warning - it does refer to events in Book 2!


I had explained to Mary Anne and Jeffrey about seeing Gregory again, and they had accepted my account warily. I did not tell them about the voices or dreams. Having attempted to tell Samuel about it several times, I had learned to keep the information between Kali and me. All three of them believed my sanity is fragile at best, although I suspected Samuel thought I was completely insane now.

Mary Anne and I talked regularly, while Jeffrey still only spoke a few words to me. Actually, it was she who was teaching me Italian. I found out quickly that no one in Florence spoke English. Actually, they thought anything English was pretty much venom.

Matthew still wasn’t living with us. About a year ago he started coming by occasionally, but it was only to see Samuel, and they left soon after he arrived. I never tried to get close, fearing what reaction I might receive from him, especially considering that we were still connected through the ka-tet.

Yes, that’s right. Five years later, members not speaking to each other, and the ka-tet still holds. I am sure Matthew’s thrilled; considering anytime he was at the villa his thoughts were shielded. I could still pick up a stray emotion sometimes. If I really wanted to I probably could read some of his thoughts or track him with the ka-tet, but that hardly seemed worth the trouble. Really, how could I damn him for not wanting to deal with me after what I had done?

Samuel’s and my relationship had continued to deteriorate at an almost alarming rate. When we arrived five years ago, he would still carry on a halfway decent conversation with me. Now though, he would barely say five words to me. He would have been the logical choice to teach me and the children Italian, except that Samuel had stubbornly refused. Like Matthew, he was still connected to the rest of us through the ka-tet, although it was hard to believe sometimes. Matthew shielded his thoughts quite well, Samuel shielded perfectly. Thoughts, emotions, everything. Actually, it wasn’t just me he did not talk to; he had withdrawn from everyone but Matthew.

Tonight, I sat in my room as I usually did nowadays; staring at a wilted white rose I had placed on the table a few days ago. It was my tribute to my soulmate Adam, the anniversary of his death having passed seemingly unnoticed by anyone but me. With a sigh, I wiped a few tears from my cheek. I missed him terribly, although I questioned if I had any right to mourn after the destruction I had caused. For the millionth time in five years, I wondered why the ka-tet was still intact and why I was still alive.

A soft knock startled me out of my maelstrom of dark thoughts. It seemed to echo through the empty villa. Nobody was home tonight. They had all left shortly after sunset, separately. Other than Stephen who was going to a tavern, I had no idea where any of them went. I was not privy to that information anymore.

“Julia? Are you awake?”

“Yes,” I answered as I recognized Kali’s voice. She was now fifteen and had turned into a slender pretty young woman. Neither I nor the others quite knew what to think of her because, despite her age, she seemed more like our equal in both maturity and to a lesser degree, in power.

My door opened slightly and Kali slipped inside, carefully closing it behind her. She turned to me, studied the rose on my end table, and sat down on my bed. “How are you feeling?”

I glanced at her from the chair in front of the table. “I’m alive,” I answered with a sigh.

She smoothed the skirts of her simple black dress and said, “Thinking of Adam again, I see.”

A couple yellowish petals came off in my hand as I shrugged. There was no point in answering her, she already knew. “What do you want, Kali?” I questioned tiredly.

“Have you had any other dreams? Or have you heard the voices again?”

I closed my eyes and thought, There’s the Kali I know. All business when what I really want is a friend. “No, Kali. There have been no dreams or voices. At least, not dreams like that.”

“Have you had any strange dreams lately?”

Turning in my chair, I glared into her gray eyes. “I have only had dreams about my own foolhardiness. I can assure you that I am perfectly sane at the moment.”

“I never said you were not sane, Julia.”

“You are the only one,” I mumbled as I watched her. She was still, her hands clasped in her lap. She smiled slightly, her posture relaxed as she regarded me in turn.

“Have you tried to explain the dreams and voices to one of the other vampires?”

“You know I have. Samuel only thinks I am crazier afterwards.”

“Have you ever considered that you are trying to explain it to the wrong person?”

“I am quite certain Mary Anne and Jeffrey would be inclined to agree with Samuel if I try,” I replied and picked up the half-dead rose again. My thoughts drifted back to the last time I remembered being happy, the last time Adam and I had danced together at the White Hart Inn. If I closed my eyes, I could almost feel his hands on mine.

“Julia?” I looked blankly at Kali as I realized I had missed what else she had said entirely. “What if you tried?”

“Tried what? I am sorry, my mind was somewhere else,” I replied.

Kali frowned slightly. “What if you tried talking to Matthew about it?”

Studying her face, I waited for the laugh, a trace of a smile to show she was jesting. The expression on her face remained solemn, the frown deepening. Good Lord, the girl was serious. And they think I am the insane one.

I matched her frown. “How much wine did you have tonight, Kali? You are either drunk or more delusional than I am.”

“Neither, I am afraid,” she answered.

Six Word Stories and Life

Hello everyone! I hope you had a good holiday/Spring break (whether just finishing or starting it)! I have been keeping busy even if the one job assignment did not work out. I will be working for Pearson - from home this spring and am making slow progress on book 3.

My writer's group had an exercise to write 6 word stories this past month! I found it both fun and frustrating. Here are a few examples:
1. Potato Famine. Red haired ancestors fled.
2. Eyes see beauty. Eyes failing. Darkness.
3. Love, hope, faith, courage battle cancer.

All of my six-word stories I created can be found here: www.booksie.com/posting/theresavan18/....

My Dresden withdrawal has ended and I am trying to make a dent in my to-read list which has grown significantly! I will also be sharing the first peek of Book 3 in the next couple of days as I promised. There's still a long way to go!

St. Patrick's Day Sale!

Hello everyone! In celebration of St. Patrick's Day, Book 2 of the War of Destiny series will be on sale for 99 cents starting March 16 and ending on the 23rd.

Why St. Patrick's Day you ask? Julia is a redhead and she is wearing green. Do I need a better reason than that? Erin Go Bragh!

http://www.amazon.com/Pursuit-into-Da...