Georgi Y. Johnson's Blog: I AM HERE - Opening the Windows of Life & Beauty, page 2

The Playing Fields

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.

Khalil Gibran

When it comes to healing the psyche, an attitude of playfulness is a serious business.

Do you remember moments, perhaps in childhood, when life made sense without having to make sense at all? Perhaps there were periods of seamless belonging with others or in deep imaginative play alone. Maybe it was in that timeless exuberance of charging around with others, or in unbothered togetherness with an animal or piece of nature.

When we live with an open sense of playfulness, there is a seamless harmony between us and the environment. Difficulties and dissonances from the fringes of the heart are processed through the field of play. Children play “home” and “mummies and daddies” to integrate, gain insight, resolve and release some of the tensions in the environment. Competitive games help them center in a loving space out of which it’s possible to contain the stress of the self V other, or the kill-or-be-killed mentality of the environment. Fantasy worlds and daydreams allow the child to play with energy without interference from a discordant context, often helping them reset their boundaries, reclaim their energetic field, and resolve inner spaces that have become too contracted according to the conditions placed by outer authorities.

When we look to children, we can see that the field of play is tremendously important in the deeper mission of being alive and being here in freedom. Play brings the possibility of healing, integration, and transformation while supporting the restoration of the sense of self.

“Joy knows itself. As children we didn’t even know the word joy, we were joy.”
― Francis Lucille, The Perfume of Silence

As we grew older, for most of us, life became ever more serious and consequential. Our simple sense of playfulness became morphed firstly into a high-stakes game and later to an all-out battle for survival an undefinable yet persistent threat. Failure is not an option, yet failure also feels inevitable.

Somewhere along the way, our joy of being alive is hijacked by winner-takes-all beliefs in separate survival. Falling from thriving to surviving, and from states of grace to fear of disgrace, we find ourselves embalmed in the biochemistry of impending doom. The simple freedom of being alive becomes intoxicated by the terror of having to survive. The life we have been trying to preserve is anyway hijacked through subterfuge in which we shutter the senses and lock down our true nature. Caught in patterns of stress and depression, chased by the forbidden experience we believe will be our annihilation, we deeply forget who, what and where we are, and we don’t have time to remember.

The purpose of our lives is now to work, and work is a quotient that must involve suffering – or else we are cheating. The very resonance of work is one of slavery. If we don’t work hard, in our jobs, at our relationships, on ourselves, then we don’t deserve to be happy. If we play easy, then we invite the worst.

We also begin to equate work with service, which is what gives us a chance of being a decent human being, (at least a little less guilty of existing). Being happy, joyful, or free is not seen as a service to the whole. Being careless is to neglect all care. If we are to play, we risk losing everything, inside-out. It could all work well in safely burying our naturalness, except that somewhere our longing for happiness aggravates us into a revisiting of purpose, because deep down, in our minds, hearts, guts, and bones, we remember who we truly are.

At first, it can be a rude awakening. Where there was the warmth of belonging, there is an enflamed anxiety around rejection. Where we used to move like a butterfly from one flower of pleasure to the next, sampling the nectars of experience; we now skip through points of pain and danger, strategizing evasion, plotting our escape, and conspiring to arrive somewhere other than where we are. In the grips of a self-appointed “real world”, made up of mortgages, pensions, and endless threats of sudden and unpredictable pain, we begin to treat the earlier reality of love, joy, playfulness, and wellbeing as an optional extra, an indulgence, perhaps even a dangerous temptation. With the real world now dictated by a shadow of fear, we are no longer too interested in being here, now, alive to the moment. It seems, that when we relax and open up, we will meet the amorphous devastation and isolation which is the punishment for the fatal error of our aliveness. Our biology longs for ease and wellbeing, but our mind is filled with contempt toward our naturalness. We learned our shadow lessons well:

“You are unreliable, law-breaking, disrespectful, ridiculous, not serious, unaccountable, selfish, indulgent, childish, foolish, untrustworthy, dangerous, embarassing, stupid, egocentric, crazy, criminal, irredeemable.
It will all end in tears.”

The Shadow

Now we are not only trying to get away from the danger on the outside, by sacrificing our naturalness, disciplining our freedom, and trading our joy for a future stake in worldly safety. Now, there is another danger – that we will become that horror. That we ourselves, through our accidental naturalness, or moments of playfulness, will be revealed as the incarnated source of all that is wrong – the perpetrator of misery. Energetically, we experience that something is wrong with us at the core. We become secretly centered in this unbearable sense of wrongness and are forced to deform our vitality in order to perform in such a way that we conform to an imagined outer authority – an external consciousness that could see that we are bad.

Do you notice how our True Nature is now not only ignored but demonized by our collective conditioning? We first become possessed by fear, and then we find we are our own worst nightmare: our true nature is the source of all threatened future calamity – we must guard against our being who we naturally are.

“Compassion, kindness, joy, laughter, playfulness, light-heartedness, wonder and awe don’t simply feel good—they’re also a neurobiological recipe for wellbeing and longevity.”
― Simona Ondrejkova

This is a suffering potential that is affirmed and consolidated with each “bad” thing that happens. The angels are experienced as cruel taskmasters, god as punitive, and the universe as inherently vindictive. When we fall into an especially contracted part of ourselves, we become super-serious and grandiose in our suffering. When we experience physical pain or disease, it is the gravest concern, almost holy. We become murderous toward any outsider who fails to take our pain seriously. This sets up the physiology of even more pain and discomfort, especially around the horror at the injustice of it all.

How to turn these pathways of pain around and ride instead the counterflow of healing?

Playfulness is not in the first place an activity or behavior. In its essence, it is an attitude. When we adopt a playful attitude towards our inner experience, there is immediate permission for a greater space around the suffering. This spaciousness allows decontraction: the energy that was contracted om actual and anticipated pain is now decontracting. In this space, there can be a natural curiosity as to what is actually going on. So much of our suffering occurs in a spooky zone in which we lost connection with how the suffering actually feels. When we begin to experience what is actually happening in the here and now, we begin to center in the body – where all sensations are processed. Something of our sensuous nature comes to life and the senses begin to open again. In the immediacy of the body, the anticipated, imagined, future suffering falls away. Also, the memory of how we suffered in the past, returns to the past. In this present, physical moment of experience, anything is possible.

Anything is possible? That’s maybe a little scary. Return again to the field of playfulness. “Anything is possible” is the natural field of play, and is a fundamental law of all healing and transformation. Play a little, experience a little, we can always get the catastrophic sense of suffering back later if it doesn’t work out. But perhaps new opportunities will begin to emerge.

We are born knowing how to play. The more we allow the return of our inner sense of playfulness, the more we will begin to resonate with the playfulness outside of ourselves. Our senses will be open enough to notice the joy of the animals, charging open space just because a cloud shifted away from the sun. Our hearts will be free enough to share the adventure of love wherever she is revealed. Our minds will be awake enough to enjoy a return to a guilt-less creativity within the innocent revelation of our unfolding field of living experience.

Play is the mediator of the invisible and visible.

Dora M. Kalff
Jungian Therapist

“Play is the foundation of learning, creativity, self-expression, and constructive problem-solving. It’s how children wrestle with life to make it meaningful.”

Susan Linn
Contemporary American psychiatrist

“All meaningful, organic, and foundational learning is at heart playful and ludic.”

Marcelo Suárez-Orozco
Contemporary American professor of education

“Play is the primary way children were designed to learn.”

Kathy Hersh-Pasek and Roberta Golinkoff
Contemporary American psychologists

“Our brains are built to benefit from play no matter what our age.“

Theresa A. Kestly
Contemporary American psychologist

“The drive to play freely is a basic, biological drive. Lack of free play may not kill the physical body, as would lack of air, food, or water, but it kills the spirit and stunts mental growth.“

Peter Gray
Contemporary American psychologist

Ritual grew up in sacred play; poetry was born in play and nourished on play; music and dancing were pure play…. We have to conclude, therefore, that civilization is, in its earliest phases, played. It does not come from play…it arises in and as play, and never leaves it.

Johan Huizinga
Dutch historian
1872–1945

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New Dawn Rising: Nondual Therapy Module 3

October 8th – 12th, 2021, 9 am – 5 pm GMT

Online with Bart ten Berge & Georgi Y. Johnson

$650

Every human has a true, authentic self. Trauma is the disconnection from it and healing is the reconnection to it.

Gabor Maté

How would it be to be centered in a space where fear has no dominion?

Module 3 of the Practitioners’ training in Nondual Therapy continues the exploration with trauma. During these five days, we will learn meditations, exercises, and techniques to work with trauma in the clinical setting. In this module, the emphasis is on centering through the verticle channel and the transformative movement from trauma to resilience and integration.

You will learn the Nondual approach around the themes of:

Resourcing the center Dissociation, association, and integrationAttachment disorder beyond subject-objectSomatic memory, imagination and creativityPolyvagal theory and transformationUnconditional release

Beyond fear, the unknown, formless Nondual dimensions of ourselves have the power to spontaneously turn awfulness into awe, misery into mystery, and trauma into resilience. The chariot of this healing is our awakened consciousness.

The nondual approach to trauma is game-changing in that it opens the field of endless resources. It does this through the build-up of the capacity to center in the unknown core of existential consciousness. This verticle channel in our centerline is empty of a “separate self”, but full of infinite possibility. It brings us the freedom to uncover, welcome, transform, and integrate energy caught in past traumatic events.

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Birth, Death, and LIFE: Spiritual Psychology Module IV, Israel

June 10 – June 14, 2021, 9 am – 5 pm₪2350

 $650

Spiritual psychology differs from conventional psychology in that it recognizes both the healing power of spiritual aspects of experience but also the spiritual nature of profane experience.

Module 4 offers knowledge, meditations & energetic techniques to move beneath the threshold of consciousness and to access the pre-verbal depth of somatic memory. Part of this involves moving through the vibrational memory of our own birth.

In contacting the essential layers of living experience, we also gain the possibility to release patterns of affliction that could are imprinted through vibration on the sense of self before birth. This by itself relaxes and brings spaciousness to deep patterns of fear and resistance to life, which often show up as a denial of mortality through varying degrees of depression.

This is a powerful module, offering reunion and liberation at the core of individual manifestation.

This is a live training at the Chashymie Center in Zichron Yaakov Israel. A vegetarian lunch of soups and salad is served each day.

Payment options:

Pay now with Paypal

6 Month Payment Plan for Modules in Spiritual Psychology

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Balance, Health & Vitality – Spiritual Psychology Module 2

July 8th – July 12th 2021, 4pm – 11 pm Israel time

Facilitated by Georgi Y. Johnson & Bart ten Berge 

“Make love of your self perfect. Deny your self nothing -give yourself infinity and eternity and discover that you do not need them; you are beyond.”

— Nisargadatta Maharaj

Module 2 of the Spiritual Psychology Education introduces exercises, meditations, and partner-work to facilitate and deepen the release of vitality. Through the safe release of blocked vitality, we promote balance and space for deeper alignment with direction. Part of the work in releasing vitality involves the liberation of male and female energy streams as well as reclaiming the vitality locked in repressed anger and fear.

The five-day workshop will be held via ZOOM webinar and will include frequent breaks, meditation, sharing, and live interaction.

The Spiritual Psychology Education offers carefully structured exercises, meditations, knowledge, and training to allow increasing depths of happiness and freedom. This grounded, integrated system for inner growth, healing, and spiritual psychology liberates fear and allows for the joyful reunion of individual purpose with true nature. The education brings the skills and wisdom needed to become a practitioner of spiritual psychology and/or to deepen the feeling connection with any chosen way of life.

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Rupture & Rapture: Nondual Therapy Practitioners Training, Module 2.

August 13th-17th 2021, 4 pm – 11:30 pm each day (Jerusalem time)

Online with Georgi & Bart.

In the rift between our usual patterns of personality and the traumatic state, there is pure emptiness, alive with the sense of truth. This sense of truth becomes associated with the traumatic state as a foundational reality. In this way, it gains a sense of momentous importance.

Nondual therapy: the psychology of awakening

In Module 2 of the Practitioners’ Training in Nondual Therapy, we delve into the nondual insights into naturalness, trauma, and resilience.

Trauma is the partner of shock.

Naturalness has no opposite.

In naturalness, shock and trauma are one.

To get a sense of the fundamental shift in perspective which Nondual Therapy offers to the field of trauma, check out this article: The Trauma that Blinds us. The nexus of it is that it is through associating shock and pain with the qualities of our True Nature, we lose connection with our own source. We blame the purity for the rape, or the freedom for the incarceration, or the love for the loss. This generates vicious cycles in the psyche in which we long for that which we most fear and through fear, become ensnared in contractions and conditions around naturalness.

The module has great psycho-spiritual depth and introduces powerful tools and techniques to support the transmutation from states of shock and trauma to resilience and the return to naturalness. We will show how the energy of contraction gives the energy of expansion and how trauma is deeply interwoven with karma and life purpose.

This class is suited to practitioners who are already familiar with the principles of Nondual Therapy through the book Nondual Therapy: the Psychology of Awakening and/or online training, or who are adjunct practitioners in spiritual psychology (ISSP). If you are unsure if the class fits you, contact us at info@iamhere.life

Themes explored in this class:

What is trauma? From the wisdom of nonduality and inherent oneness, what is trauma, and how does it heal?What is shock and how does it relate to conscious awakening? (Witnessing and “Dissociation”)How do we recognize trauma through atmosphere/ the felt-sense/ body movement?Trauma tunnels, alternate realities, and tunnel vision. The healing power of connection.How do Nondual Qualities move through trauma and shock as healing agents?What is the felt sense of shock, and how does it relate to consciousness?

Techniques and meditations

Daily resource meditation on the felt sense of naturalness through mind, emotion, and body.Weaving through time and space to bridge the rift and open quality pathways of healing.Attuning to the felt sense of trauma, and the felt sense of shock, in order to facilitate the integration of energetic content frozen out of normative timeDepth work with the integration of traumatic content through the naturalness of the physical body in left-right polarity.Accessing core fears and arousing core qualities as healing agents.

Form does not differ from Naturalness

And Naturalness does not differ from Form

Form is Naturalness and Naturalness is Form

Georgi Y. Johnson

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Could we be magnificent?

Could it be that wherever we see magnificence that this magnificence is alive in us? Could it be that whatever we dream up as fulfillment from our position as a fearful work-in-process could never compare to what the universe has planned for us? That to follow the plan, we first need to open up the body, heart, and mind to the authenticity of all that we feel?

Could it be that the deeper secret and the higher magic is right in the heart of those areas where we suffer the most, in those same areas that we have always avoided?

There is an offering of passion beyond belief waiting at the door of every individual, but it is a door which is often closed. It is the door through which we perceive and receive life unfiltered and without control. Are we ready to let it open?

This offering of passion leaves no part untended. It touches the form, but also the soul of the form. It arouses suffering but also the creational power within the pain. It welcomes adversity but also the hero within the moment of strife. It takes the horror of death and instantly holds the wonder of life.

It will not forsake the forsaken nor expel the refugee. It will not despise the despicable, nor will it reject that which has been hounded out of form. Rather it will turn to each thread of physical, energetic, sentient, and spiritual vibration as if it were meeting the miracle. This is the alchemy in which suffering becomes passion, passion becomes purpose, and purpose becomes manifestation. All this is suffused with the sense of unconditional reward and fulfillment – a reunion of life with life.

This is the deeper secret and the higher magic. Our sense of purpose and our passion is right here, in the cracking open of the intimate kernel of our suffering, in an offering of service to the whole. In this, we stop creating illusion and open to the sense of truth, sharing it all in the light of conscious arousal.

Nondual Passion

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Passion – From Suffering to Salvation

February 5, 2021 @ 10:00 am – February 7, 2021 @ 6:00 pm (UTC +2)

 €350

Focus group exploring the Nondual quality of Passion with Georgi Y. Johnson & Bart ten Berge.

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Nondual Therapy Practitioners Module 1

Nondual Therapy Practitioners Module 1 Online with Georgi Y. JohnsonFebruary 26, 2021 @ 8:00 pm – March 2, 2021 @ 11:45 pm (UTA +2)

 €550

Times shown are UTC +2

Times shown are UTC +2

This workshop incrementally leads you into the application of the therapeutic techniques and methods offered in her pioneering book Nondual Therapy: The Psychology of Awakening.

Cost for the 5 days: €550

More info: info@iamhere.life 

This online workshop with Georgi Y. Johnson is a direct training and transmission in the pioneering methods offered in her book Nondual Therapy: The Psychology of Awakening. The workshop is intended for practitioners and those seeking to integrate the principles of Nondual Therapy into other modalities or into their daily lives.

Topics covered include:

The One True Choice (finding freedom where we feel stuck or frozen – making the impossible possible).Where we suffer the substance of the separate self (The healing power of nondual awakening and the wisdom of interdependence).Resourcing the qualities of consciousness or True Nature (such as love, peace, innocence, silence)Vibrational fields – opening the Felt Sense through three layers of mind, heart, body.Contraction, expansion, and the rhythms of healing.

You’ll learn how to:

Leverage conscious awakening in the alchemy of spiritual emergencyWork with states of depression, anxiety, and loss of purposeTo integrate healing principles such as resonance, silence, and stillness into your practice on yourself or with others.To access and deploy the healing qualities of true natureTo move beyond core fears and distracting agendas in processes of depth healing.

Participation in the course is restricted to 15 people.

The course fee includes a private online session with Georgi in the period afterward, if and when it is needed.

Register with Payment Plan

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Here – Before “I AM” – Nisargadatta

Extract from: The Essential Nisargadatta, By Roy Melvyn

On my true, whole, homogenous state, just a small ripple appeared, the news came, “I AM”.

That news made all the difference, and I started knowing this; but now I have known my true state, so I understand my true state first, and then I understand that this ripple is coming and going on my true state. While in your case, you take interest in the ripple and don’t take interest in your true state.

On the state of “non-beingness”, the beingness appeared together with manifestation, creating a feeling as if “I AM”; who that is, is not important, only “I AM” is immportant. The initial humming of the being as “I AM, I AM” is the duality. But who accepts the duality? The “non-beingness” accepts duality with the beingness. The Absolute “non-eing state, by assuming the being state, becomes dual in manifestation.

Pose the question from the standpoint that you are only the knowledge “I AM”. The primary ignorance is about our “I AM-NESS”, we have taken it as the Ultimate, which is ignorance. We presume that this consciousness is the eternal, the Ultimate, which is the mistake. This “I AM” principle is there provided the waking state and deep sleep are there. I am not the waking state, I am not the deep sleep – therefore I, the Absolute, am not that “I AM”. Leave aside this triad what are you? Understand clearly, when you keep aside the very instrument of questioning, where is the question?

Presently, the feeling that you are is also memory. To sustain that memory of “I AM”, all these raw materials are necessary. you are not that “I AM”. You are as the Absolute, prior to this I AM”.

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Falling Angels – A Journey

With the entry of the New Year, many are cursing 2020 with the hope of a better 2021. With the deep wish to be seasonal, we’re going with the flow with this sneak preview of the prologue of Georgi’s upcoming book in the Nondual Therapy series: Nondual Purity. It’s A wake up call to move beyond the superstitious agenda to get away from suffering through the magical thinking of curses and blessings – and to meet the miracle of our experience in openness and truth.

Here it is. The presence of pain and the pain that is intimately present. It’s a fate worse than death. This horror, the billowing core of fear, the pelvic scream from the tendons, loins, and bones, wasting the muscle and devouring the will to live. Here it is, sacrificing each false flag of good intent to the eternal wrong.

Here, the “Yes” to life becomes a reluctant, self-devouring, indefinite “No”. It’s the space of immersion in unveiled aversion, hatred of hostility, exhausting disgust at this shameless, intolerant, exposing, light of consciousness.

Here it is. The carnal imperfection, the crack in plain sight, the dark, shadowy fault concealed in the rank night at reality’s lethiferous postern, appearing as the true face of the despicable, unwelcome, toxic, malevolent essence of all we are. Matricide, infanticide, patricide, the betrayal in the fool’s gold of suicide. It’s all here at the threshold of living and wanting to disappear from sight into the disavowed, invisible night.

Here it is, the fallen archetype, the broken. unreachable ideal that deals, steals and somehow tries to heal. Here we are, in the ghettos of the mad, lost in the forsaken sweep stakes of the bad.

And God felt that it is sad.

Even rejection can’t touch this untouchable. It cannot belong here enough to be banished. Unqualifiable, unjustifiable, alive enough only to be tortured by immortality.

Even humiliation will not hold it, as this wrongness is unembraceable. It’s size-less, incomparable, infiltrating the hollowness within the defense and pretense of life. Here it is: overwhelmed and overflowing with an insatiable sense of lack.

No form or norm can notice it – this wrongness we nurse within the secret trimmings of the psyche. It’s so imperceivably at odds with habits and rituals of togetherness, it defies admission. It’s blanketed by conversation, commerce, compliance, conformity, and witless uniformity. All that contextual stuffing of consensual sanity that we’re groomed to consume makes us dumb and numb to its range of fire – the fire of purity that could release us from this unending game of shame.

Here we are – the jewel within the frown – glittering as the deplorable, endarkenment within the ocean of crime. This is the pure badness of being, evil embodied, the voiceless scream, the error, the treacherous charm within the universal harm. Unwanted, unlovable, un-mixable, unconvertable, valueless, senseless, rotten, wasted, and irredeemable. So very, very dirty. The end of agenda. The lost cause.

Here we horribly are – impure as the venereal mud blushing the fresh snow; spurting the salacious dissonance of original sin; a manifesting mistake; a shadow of death; a noxious defilation of sacred form; the sick scent of carnal shame; and the uncleanable, eternal stain.

Happy New Year.

Will you greet me with the purest, unadulterated touch of truth?

Here it is: the horror, deep in the emptiness. An unparalleled poison seeping out of pelvic precincts where angels fear to dread. It’s the essence of worthlessness; the pillager of promise; the humiliation of hope; the degrader of truth, the rape of beauty, the scorn of innocence, the cursing of the light.

I am the final nail of impurity. Hammered in coldest steel, even my machine-driven spine is twisted. My very existence casts the shadow of death. My laughter insults civility. My smile is a lie. I am infectious, nasty, demonic, and unspeakably foul.

Where will you find my face?

On the dark widow that opens only to despair, as she punishes a stolen trolley full of other people’s neglect through the rift-lands that time and space forgot. Here, pain is more true than planetary conjunctions, but she is a speck of dust, lost in the blind-spot of the public eye, present enough to irritate the holy sight.

On the criminal, the bad guy, the wrongdoer, the convict, the one condemned for untold crimes like theft, molestation, murder, and the creation of the whole human shit show.

On death rows, you’ll find me in stillness, with many blank expressions, silently shifted behind measures of right and wrong. They’ll send voltage through this flesh, but the crime is immortal, enshrined in human fantasies of time.

You’ll find my face on the hapless addict that claws for the next shot, out of the fortress of the forsaken, as she carries the dispossessed of generations in her liver, her lungs, and in the compulsion of her beating heart.

You’ll find me on the child that never became the abortion – unwelcome, unwanted, denied before the first breath.

You’ll find me dumbed within the secrets never to be told – the incestuous wall hangings watching the child’s shame.

You’ll find me in the disowned wishes for another’s death, those casual murderous thoughts to inherit relief from the eternal lack.

You’ll find me in the lost, the forsaken, the forgotten, the invisible, the unwitnessed spaces of life where we could never be, and forests of thorns grew wild around a cursed sleep of the infinite possibilities born in absence.

You’ll find my face shrouded in the loneliness of the predator’s heart, in the perpetrators of death, in the cold steel of inner negation.

For this is how I am managed – forged by hot-cold flames into a sword to dismember all manner of life, wielding excess pain in the name of shame, while bowing to the antichrist of blame.

I disrupt the heavenly flow of the niceties of power, for forgiveness is given by the grace of the unforgivable and I am That.

Without the lostness of the soul, no one could be found. Without the unforgivable, forgiveness would die. All forgiveness depends on me in order to be.

Here, dutifully bound by pain, I am the unforgivable fulfillment through which evil innocently turns to the insouciant sun.

Where souls get ripped asunder, I am the rift between them, the unending scream of division. I am the bright light of violence in the split of infant from mother. A split they call an earthly birth.

Where earthquakes rupture the earth, I am the rapture.

Where volcanos turn life to statues of ash, I am the lava. I am the unconscionable heat rising in a flash in the veins, crystallizing pain, and fossilizing fury. How the immutable forms of Pompei families finally, choicelessly testify to the horror that I am.

Trust me, I am all ways wrong

It hurts, this horror, this quintessential wrongness, this evil within. Here is the furious anguish of the unlovable, irredeemable, unworthy soul, stained beyond cleansing, unforgivable.

I am the fount of all malevolence, the original sin, and the final non-solution. It burns the limbs and the inner flesh with subtle poisons. To sense the incarnated foulness of the inner child, to feel the despising, despicable filth of being alive. Impure as hell it lives in the boundless, embodied nightmare of all hells combined and all hells betrayed.

I too, am That.

Conscious as this defilation, as a pulsating atrocity, I break the truce of generations, speaking the lie hidden in plain sight that whatever is born, must die.

Conscious as the essential horror within the nightmare which must never be named. In the pit between superlatives, be still, for I am here, as your deepest concern.

Yet in this horror there is no you or me, no self or other, no slave, no master. There is just this – the purest impurity of being alive.

Let’s open this formless breach of trust that is life in motion.

And as we gain sight within this intimate, inner hell, and hell looks back into us, we might glimpse the whole shebang of seer and seen. And all we are, and all we have ever been, and all we will ever be, is the purity of this seeing.

Let me close these eyes and rest now, as the throbbing, undulating, cursing, dying liquid curls of pain swim around this existential core right here, right now, and I am perfectly still. Conscious, perceiving, a pure light of intimate being illuminating the ache of undulating form.

I am purely conscious. Pure within and without all limits, pure of restraint, pure of any intent to distract, deny, defy, or occupy the unbridled space of lack, and in this purity I am whole.

No thing can hold me, I am unpossessable, undistracted, untamable, unknowable, indistinguishable. Liberated from the devastating desire to undo, un-see, un-live, understand, or uncreate that which is momentarily and eternally forsaken, I fly upward in wonder at the pure blue of an unfiltered sky.

Unconditionally conscious, purely awake – beneath, before, behind, within, without – even the erroneous flavors of transformation. I am purity perceiving.

I am dissolving into pain as the stain becomes the pure seal of life, and I am here, the co-creator, perfectly broken, purely impure, helplessly moving as the flow of life.

Please handle with care.

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