Here’s how the shit works. I’m going to be giving away three signed copies of my next book, GRUNDISH AND ASKEW. The copies will be given to the three people who best help me to promote my first novel, SMASHED, SQUASHED, SPLATTERED, CHEWED, CHUNKED AND SPEWED. How, you ask, can you help me to promote my book? I don’t know. Use your imagination. Take pictures of yourself naked and reading Smashed and post the pics online. Videotape yourself defending yourself against a physical attack with just my book and an oven mitt and post the video on Youtube. Come on, think up something by yourself. Post rave reviews of Smashed anywhere and everywhere. If you have already been charged with a heinous crime, contact the media and claim that Smashed warped your little mind and made you perpetrate your disgusting acts. (However, you don’t get a book if you go out and commit some perverse act just to get the book. So don’t even think about it, you sick little monkey).

So get out there and sing the praises of Smashed. The world needs more Carbuncle and you, yes you, can help. This contest ends on July 24, 2009. So put on some pants, drink a little bit of liquid courage, and get out there and scare the shit out of people with my book. And then let me know about it at bonesbarbuncle@lancecarbuncle.com. Thank you.