Kern Carter's Blog, page 54
March 3, 2022
March 2, 2022
March 1, 2022
Labor of Love: Building the House of You
Reflections on finding myself on the other side of raising a child
Today, Just Let Me Have My Pain
Photo by Lelia Milaya via ReShotI am getting through the days as best as I can — challenging them with my presence. I knew she would have wanted me to live — to move forward — to press into this life without falling too far behind the fold. But sadness is a thing many of us shove to the back burner, afraid of feeling what we need to feel. I made a vow to myself years ago — I would sit with my emotions, acknowledge them, wrap myself up in them, and remove myself from them when it is time. No amount of suitable affirmations or positive expressions will lure me away from experiencing this phase of life.
And you suffocate my phone with quotes and scriptures and lovingly placed words, but today, just let me have my pain. And when I am done washing in this stage of sadness, I give you my word, I will be renewed.
challenging moments
push positive people in
but we have to mourn
©2022 Tremaine L. Loadholt
[image error]Today, Just Let Me Have My Pain was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
My Writing Is Held Back by Others’ Shame
Writing is a very personal thing. Even when it’s a reference article, you have to become close to the subject matter and process what it…
February 28, 2022
You
A poem about release and cathartic interactions seemingly meaningless, yet tenderly remembered, and recorded.
At Noon We Just Stand There Opposite Each Other
Photo: A stylized version of a showdownA small town in the old wild west. At noon we just stand there, opposite each other; me and my arch enemy.
Tumbleweed, wind, and scorching heat! “This could be the end of me,” I realize.
My sweaty hand rests on my pistol grip, all the while looking at my arch enemy standing opposite of me.
“No, I will not let it happen,” I think to myself. “This will not be the end of me!”
Then, he draws his pistol and fires.
I am hit and fall down. It is getting dark. Am I still alive?
His foul breath hits me hard. In an instant, I am back in the land of the living.
Revengeful eyes stare at me. He just keeps staring at me with his cold dark eyes, while I am still lying down on the ground.
I can’t move, don’t even know if I am alive. Is this really happening or just a very bad dream?
“You give up?” a raspy and scary voice says. “Had enough?”
“I knew you’d be coming back. They always do. These writers think they’re all that!”
“Always think they can beat me, are better than me, and just have no regard. All this putting down like I am nothing. Like I am not really there. That hurts, you know.”
Still scared but looking straight into his deformed face I say, “I am not here to take you down, but I do have to defend myself.”
Life is coming back to me and I get more confident. I wrestle myself up and now I am looking straight into his eyes. We are about the same height.
“Well, to be honest sir, you are just that; a blank page. Not to put you down or anything, but let’s call it like it is.”
I see him shrink. Just a moment ago, he seemed larger than life. That is strange.
“That is precisely what I am talking about,” he says with a shaky voice. “I get this all the time from writers like you. You treat me like I am nothing; like I don’t exist. But where would you be without me? Nothing could be written. What about that?”
“Yes,” I say. “You are right. I do need you. I couldn’t pull this off without you. But that doesn’t mean you get to scare me all the time as you please. I mean, just looking at you is enough to never ever start.”
“Let’s call it quits,” he says. “Hate to say this but it is up to you and not me. As you said, after all, I am just a blank page. I am just here to give you a space to write things down.”
“If it was that simple a lot more people would be writing,” I say. “But I have to give it to you. It is up to me. And looking at things now, you are not such a blank page anymore. You start to look good, I’d say.”
“Well thank you,” the blank page says. “But don’t start to get cocky and all. I know all too well how things will be the next time you stand opposite of me.”
A small allegory about an issue we all encounter from time to time. I hope you enjoyed reading this.
Thank you for reading and don’t hesitate to let me know what you think!
[image error]At Noon We Just Stand There Opposite Each Other was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
